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“Mom…” Will said with a worried tone, approaching his mother who had her back to him. Joyce turned her head to him, her face looking just as worried as how Will’s insides felt. “Ummm...Earlier today when you asked me what happened in Vecna’s mind, I didn’t tell you everything.”
Joyce’s face dropped slightly, her brows furrowing with concern. “Come, let’s go sit down and you tell me what’s going on.”
Will nodded and followed her as she walked off into the main room to take a seat. She watched as Will sat in the seat beside her, seeing how her son wasn’t making any eye contact, the way he had his hands clasped together, his vision focused on the floor. She tilted her head slightly, as if to initiate conversation.
“When Vecna attacks, he weakens you by turning your own mind against you, by bringing out everything inside you that hurts. So I fought back by focusing on happy memories...memories from when I was a kid, and I wasn’t scared, and when i felt most happy.”
Memories came flooding into Will’s head like a collision between a storm and a thundering sea of crashing waves, vines tightening around his neck and body until he felt he was merged with them. Vecna’s long fingernails hovering over his face as he felt his whole body shaking in fear, his eyes so wide he thought they’d pop out of his skull and drop onto the floor. In that moment it felt like the best thing that could happen. It would be better then whatever was going to happen to him. Will could feel it. Joyce just nodded slowly, listening to him closely.
“That’s how I took control in the MAC-Z and how I killed those demos. And I thought the same would work on Vecna too.” He said breathlessly, looking up from his hands directly into Joyce’s eyes. “But he found a way past.”
The vision came back to him again, Will struggling and trying his best not to scream.He couldn’t contain himself. Blood started to spill from his eyes, the crimson red pouring down his checks and stinging his eyes till his vision blurred and all he could see was red. He let out an ear piercing scream but it was no use. Who would save him from this and how?
“And he showed me things mom. He showed me the most awful things…”
Joyce had an expression that was hard to put, as if she was mad mixed with concern and sadness. She gently put her hand to rest on his for comfort. “No, listen. Whatever he showed you, its not real. He plays tricks. He lies.”
Will shook his head, his throat slightly croaky and sore. “No, he doesn't. What he showed me...it didn't come from him. It came from me."
He felt himself on the verge of tears again, crying like the pathetic idiot he was, his mothers face looking at him with that same look she has always looked at him with since the day he went missing. The look that says my son is weak. What is wrong with him? It’s like she sees Will as fragile and that she needs to wrap him in bubble wrap for him to be safe. It only made Will feel worse. More of a freak.
“He sees everything, mom. He sees my thoughts. He sees my memories. And he sees my secrets.” Will said, trying to contain his emotions from spilling all over the place. “But Max, she told me he’s also afraid, which proves I can beat him.”
Tears were spilling down his cheeks as he spoke, every bit of truth and thing he’s kept hidden was going to be exposed. He couldn’t hide it anymore. Will had to let this happen how he wanted, not how Vecna wanted it. “But for me to do that...you need to know. I think you need to know the truth.”
Before Joyce could open her mouth the door was slammed open, the sound echoing through the empty silence. It was Mike. He came waltzing into the room as if he was going to say something but his movement weirdly stopped as he saw Will with his back to him.
“Oh. Uh...sorry. We just heard from Hop. He’s fifteen minutes out. So we should probably leave in five.” He said as he peered at Will’s tearful face. “Is everything okay?”
Will didn’t answer but Joyce nodded her head. “Yeah, we’ll be out there in a minute.”
Mike nodded his head and started to walk out.
“Wait, Mike—” Will began to say, jumping out of his seat, slightly panicked.
Mike turned around, his brows raised in interest. “Yeah?”
A million things clouded his mind, making it hard for Will to even stand straight. He can’t believe he was doing this. It was the last thing he wanted to do. To expose a secret that pained every waking day of his life, caused him stress and trauma in the past. He had to let it rise to the surface and for it to be revealed before its forced out of him.
“Can you stay please? There’s something I need to tell you guys…” Will said with a shaky breath, looking Mike directly in the eyes. “Maybe bring Jonathan, Lucas, Dustin and El too?”
Mike hesitated, biting his lip as he slowly nodded. “Uh… okay,” he said slowly. “Yeah. I’ll get them.”
When everyone else started to come into the room Will felt like he had made a mistake. A big one. The way the room felt like it was getting smaller and smaller and all the attention was averted on him, as if he was on stage only made his skin crawl more. No. He had to do it. It was for the better. He watched as Jonathan sat beside his mom, his bodied leaning forward in the same way Will always does, El sitting opposite him, looking slightly confused.
The three boys all sat down together, Mike on the far left watching every one of Will’s shaky moves. His chest felt tight, as if there was no air left in the room and he was suffocating. Every bad word said about him, every hateful glance, push and shove was strangling him tighter than the vines. The fading echo of his fathers voice in the back of his mind…
Joyce shifted closer. “Take your time,” she said quietly.
Will shook his head. If he waited any longer, he wouldn’t do it.
“When Vecna was in my mind,” he began to say slowly, staring at a crack in the floor, “he didn’t just show me things to scare me. He showed me things I already knew.”
Dustin frowned. “Like… memories?”
“Like thoughts,” Will said. “Stuff I’ve felt since I was little. Personal things.”
He watched as everyone looked at him intensely, hardly moving, their eyes fixated on him. Their stares were making it harder but Will knew he musn’t stop, not now not ever.
“You see...I thought if I ignored it, it’d go away,” Will continued, voice low. “Or if I tried hard enough to be normal, then maybe it wouldn’t matter.”
Normal. That word didn't feel normal to him.
“I guess you could say that I am normal, in some ways or another.” Will said, trying to push a smile through. “I like listening to music, stuff like The Clash, The Smiths and The Cure. I like to hang out with you guys at the movies, riding our bikes around town, playing DnD and staying up till two in the morning to watch movies.”
He saw Jonathan’s face twitch slightly, a small smile creeping up on his face.
“Those things are normal. Normal hobbies and interests of someone my age. They aren't things that...terrify me.” he added quietly.
He shifted his weight, suddenly aware of how fast his heart was going. The room felt too still, like everyone was holding their breath at once.
“There’s one thing,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper, “that does terrify me.”
He swallowed hard, more tears pouring down his tears as he felt his whole body shaking in fear. He felt his nails digging into his hands, as if he had a cat clawing at him, gripping tight. The throbbing in his head wouldn't stop and he thought that maybe he’d collapse to the floor from how dizzy he felt.
“It’s not monsters,” he continued, his voice cracking despite his effort to keep it steady. “And it’s not Vecna. And it’s not dying.” He let out a breath that sounded almost like a laugh, a breathy one.
“It’s… me,” Will said.
His chest ached, tight and burning. He forced himself to keep going before fear could grab the wheel again.
“Vecna showed me what hurts because he knew exactly where to look. He knew the thing I’ve been running from my whole life.” Will finally lifted his head, his eyes glassy but determined to continue. “He knows my weakness.”
Everyone kept still.
“I’ve always felt… different,” Will said. “I know I laughed about liking normal things but that doesn’t take away from the abnormal thing I like. There’s really and truly something wrong with me, and it can’t be fixed. There’s something in me that doesn’t fit where it’s supposed to.”
He watched his friends through his blurry vision and could make out the sympathetic look in Lucas’ eyes, the pitiful shake from Dustin and the look of pure worry on Mike’s face. He watched the way he pouted his lips and the way his brows drooped down.
“I tried...really hard to be normal but I can’t be. I can’t be faithful to who I want to be. Who I am isn’t going to change, no matter how much I want it to.” Will croaked, pain bleeding through his throat, through his mind and words.
“I spent my whole life thinking that if I just didn’t say it,” Will said, voice trembling, “then maybe it wouldn’t be real. Like if I never named it, it couldn’t hurt me.”
Joyce leaned forward and took his hand in hers, giving him a reassuring squeeze.
“But I can’t keep thinking that this facade I wear is my reality. That if I keep pretending it will magically turn into reality.” Will said. “I don’t…I don’t like girls.”
Again silence.
Joyce didn’t pull away. Her thumb brushed in slow circles over the back of his hand, her grip tightening just enough to keep him anchored as her eyes filled, lashes trembling. Jonathan’s shoulders sagged like he’d been holding them up for years. He blinked hard, jaw clenched, and nodded once to himself. Dustin swallowed, his mouth opening slightly before closing again. His brows knit together, not confused, just as if he was processing, like something finally made sense.
Will turned his gaze to Mike who was frozen. The encouraging smile he gave during Will’s speech had vanished. He saw the way he caught his breath, the way his throat moved stiffly as if he was trying to swallow a pill dry. His fingers curled into the fabric of his jeans, knuckles whitening. He didn’t...seem mad but he didn’t look proud either.
“I’m sorry…” Will said, his words barely audible through tears and how hoarse his voice was. “If I could erase this part of me and become a different person I would. I hate it, I really do. I understand if you see me differently or think there’s something wrong with me because I would agree.”
Dustin’s face dropped as if he couldn’t believe his words, watching as Will was breaking down before him.
“And to make it worse...I fell in love with someone.” Will whispered, shaking his head. “I made the biggest mistake for falling for someone who would never see me like that. He’s too good for me and–and perfect and would never like me back because...he’s not like me. He’s not fucked up.”
As if it was natural his eyes wandered to stare at Mike, to see how he would react, his expression, his body language, maybe even the words that would come out. Will couldn’t really analyse him. He just looked closed off. Shut down like a robot.
“But I–I don’t know, I have to get over him because I’m wasting away my life thinking I’ll finally get what I want but deep down I know I won’t. I have to accept that it won’t happen.
His grip on Joyce’s hand tightened, not because he wanted comfort, but because he was afraid that if he let go, he’d fall apart completely.
“I don’t expect anything,” he added quickly, panic flaring. “I’m not asking for— for understanding, or acceptance, or—” His voice broke. “I just needed to say it out loud... Because it’s been eating me alive.”
Joyces’ own tears were spilling over and she got up to pull Will into an embrace that he fell into as quick as he was pulled. She stroked his hair gently and let Will continue to sob into her sweater, her hands resting on his back as his dug into her shoulders.
“Oh, honey,” Joyce whispered, voice shaking but steady. “There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. You hear me?”
Jonathan got out of his own seat and joined in the hug, wrapping his arms around both of them. He took Will’s face and gently cupped it in his hands, smiling through his tears. “You’re not broken,” he said quietly. “And you never were. I know you think you’re alone in this, but you’re not. You never have been and never will be.”
Then it was Dustin’s turn to move, approaching the hug with open arms as he sniffed. “Yeah...you shouldn’t be afraid Will, we’re your friends and would never judge you no matter what.”
Lucas nodded, wrapping his arms around the group, still trying to stay calm. “You’re still Will. That didn’t change. Not for a second.”
“You’re still my brother and I love you for who you are.” El said quietly, her voice slightly muffled from all the bodies squished together.
Mike had gotten up too but he was walking towards them very slowly, his lips slightly parted, eyes glossy and welling up with tears. “I—” His voice cracked, and he stopped, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m so sorry Will...that you felt so scared and uncomfortable with us all this time, that we didn’t give you the support you deserved to feel like you deserve love and our acceptance–”
Will’s breath hitched. “Mike, you don’t—”
Mike shook his head quickly, as if he couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “No, I do mean it. I–I have so much to say an–and ask you but I don’t want to…I don’t want to make it worse, you know? I just… I just want you to know I’m here. For everything. Always.”
Will’s chest tightened again, this time it wasn’t from the fear of not being accepted, that weight had been lifted off his chest. It was something else. Feelings that he promised he wouldn't entertain anymore. His heart started to beat faster, warm heat rushing to his cheeks and making him feel flushed. It was mortifying.
“I… I’ve been so scared,” Will admitted, his voice trembling. “Scared of being judged. Scared that everyone I care about would see me differently. That I’d lose yo–… all of you.”
Mike stepped closer and finally joined the hug, the brief brushing of his fingertips grazed Will’s neck and he shivered at the touch. “You’re not going to lose us, Will. Not now, not ever. I… we care about you more than can be explained. And nothing—nothing—changes that.”
Will nodded, pressing his lips together and closing his eyes as if that was the only thing holding him together in the moment. Mike’s words settled somewhere deep in his chest and it scared him how much they meant. How it made him feel. He focused on breathing, slow and quiet, so no one would notice how badly his hands were shaking.
He opened his eyes slowly and saw Mike looking back at him. He saw something in them. Will didn’t know what it was but it was something.
It wasn’t pity.
It wasn’t sympathy.
It was a realisation.
Maybe...just maybe… Will was getting what he wanted after all.
He didn't have to watch him fade away.