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His father would accuse him of being weak, of letting his heart lead him to stupid places. But for once in his life, Ilya can’t bring himself to care about this. He wants Shane. He wants to coax his boyfriend into ordering takeout from that place they like around the corner from Ilya’s apartment and cheating on his diet a little. Then he wants to blow him on the couch, and he wants Shane to ride him. They can shower afterwards and put some highlights on the TV before falling asleep and ignoring Shane’s alarm the next morning. He wants the peace they had at the cottage during the season, to steal those moments and get to exhale.
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Inspired by this tweet by @paulasoldestson: ilya actually love having a strict boyfriend. like no his bitch do not let him have friends NO he not allowed to be out past 11 and NO U CANNOT SIT HERE!!! -
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He pays for a round, hoping it’ll get everyone drunk enough not to notice he isn’t dancing or slamming shots like he usually does. He doesn’t want to be doing any of those things, he wants Shane.
His father would accuse him of being weak, of letting his heart lead him to stupid places. But for once in his life, Ilya can’t bring himself to care about this. He wants Shane. He wants to coax his boyfriend into ordering takeout from that place they like around the corner from Ilya’s apartment and cheating on his diet a little. Then he wants to blow him on the couch, and he wants Shane to ride him. They can shower afterwards and put some highlights on the TV before falling asleep and ignoring Shane’s alarm the next morning. He wants the peace they had at the cottage during the season, to steal those moments and get to exhale.
The vision is so clear and so domestic he thinks it might make him physically ill. He sips his vodka again, hoping the burn will soothe some of the aching in his chest.
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It’s a new thing, people asking if he’s going. After he started saying no, started saying his girlfriend said no. He secretly revels in it, loves that he has someone to ask. It makes him feel grounded like nothing else, like Shane keeps him tethered to the world and he’ll always be able to find his way home, even if he were blind. He’s started leaning into it whenever someone chirps him about her having him on a short leash, grinning maniacally.He almost feels bad, looking at how excited the rookie is, but his ribs hurt and he wants to call Shane and get babied over the phone. Something about groaning to Shane about how he’s in pain, getting to let his guard down for even a few minutes before they go back to their usual banter is more healing than any medicine could be. He wants to text Yuna and see if she noticed that he was favoring the opposite side, if any of his plays were off. He wants to go home.
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Shane sighs, and continues, “I don’t want you to not do the things you like to do because of me.”Ilya flops down on his back, staring at the ceiling. “I am not,” he starts, then trails off.
What good explanation does he have, really, other than that Shane makes him feel quiet. Makes him feel like he doesn’t have to chase random thrills and nights getting too drunk with his teammates. Once he learned that he could quiet his brain, could quell the ever present need to push himself and seek risk because it made him feel alive, he wanted all of it he could get.
“I am not doing things because I do not want to. You are a good excuse.” He tries.
Shane barks a laugh at that, “I’m a good excuse?”
Ilya hates English at all times, but when he gets frustrated, he hates it even more. He slings an arm over his face as if covering his eyes will make admitting this easier.
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