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‘Wasn’t there something good in your childhood, Azriel? Tell me something good.’
Azriel sat in the trees high above his latest mission, between his shadows and the night sky, he was camouflaged perfectly. He dimmed his siphons and focused on the paper propped against his knee and the quill in his hand. Elain’s last letter asked him for something good. A happy childhood memory. Those were non-existent before he went to train in the Illyrian mountains and even then, there was great pain that came with training.
The breeze blew gently and he swayed with the tree as he filtered back to a part of his life that he preferred to forget. There was happiness there- even if it was in small doses. A chill went down his spine and he let out a shaky breath. He would have to be vulnerable, but he wanted to give this to her. He wanted to give everything she asked to her.
Oleander,
I don’t have many happy childhood memories, but there is one. One that I remember clearly- it was the first summer in the Illyrian mountains.
Devlon sent me away on a scouting mission- to test how my flying had improved and see what my shadows were truly capable of. There were little consequences to it if I failed- I would only be returned to the camp earlier than expected. But if I succeeded, if I succeeded I could have days under the sun. Days in fields that I had only imagined a few months before.
I flew off on that mission- Devlon gave me a day’s head start. He said I would need it. He underestimated me- everyone underestimated me. I found a dale- much like the area we meet, a few more trees, a few less bushes- and I made my home base. That day, for the first time, I slept under the open sky- in the warmth of the summer. The only noises were the birds. No torture. No darkness. It was the first time I knew light, real light.
Each night I went out, I found the other Illyrians that searched for me, infiltrated their camps and got the tokens Devlon left for them to guard. I went back to that dale every day, burrowed into the grasses, posted my shadows as alarms and slept. It was the first time I was free. The first time I could just be. Even knowing I was being hunted, even knowing it was a skill test- the real joy for me was that I was able to be in nature. There was no one to lock me away, even my shadows relaxed during that week.
I flew back into Windhaven the morning of the last day- all of the tokens in hand and I walked into Devlon’s cabin and handed them to him. He swore under his breath that I had succeeded and sent me away. Cassian always excelled at physical combat. Rhys had a knack for cunning. And I, I had found the thing I was good at. I could move between the shadows. I could get what was needed and get out completely unseen. I found my place and it’s a place I’ve been in ever since.
I wish I could give you more. I wish I had pages of stories about how good my childhood was- but this is it. This is the little bit of joy I remember.
Until I can see you again- I love you.
-Shadow