Chapter Text
When Ilya woke up that morning he wasn't expecting to 1) Get outed to Shane’s parents 2) attempt to explain their relationship to Shane’s parents 3) Calm Shane down from a panic attack at the dinner table 4) Get strong armed into agreeing to ‘let’ Yuna Hollander get him some brand deals. He had mostly woken up that morning wondering if Shane would make enough hot dogs for an entire hockey team, and also if he could convince Shane to have sex on the dock.
So the whole day had been a bit of a swerve, although a decent one all things considered. Shane’s parents were really cool about everything and Ilya was kind of in love with how nice they were. He could maybe get used to the idea of parents who were nice all the time.
“I have an idea,” Shane said, next to Ilya in the car back from Shane’s parents. He had the steering wheel in a death grip.
“Okay,” Ilya hesitated because the last idea had been complete honesty the entire time at the cottage and that hadn’t been terrible.
“We could get married,” Shane’s face had gone full ‘kitten frowning’ and Ilya was about to say something sappy when Shane kept going, “Today. We could get married today.”
There was a very very good chance that Shane was having some kind of mental breakdown but honestly Ilya probably wasn't that far behind.
“Okay. Sure.” Why the hell not, Ilya figured. If they measured their relationship from the start they were actually pretty overdue to get married. “Yes, let’s get married.”
~
Shane had a reputation (a well earned and accurate reputation) for overthinking but once he made up his mind he stuck to it. And well, Shane had been flipping around the ‘marriage problem’ as he was calling it in his head for the last three days. Ever since Ilya had brought up the option of marrying his friend Svetlana, Shane had been trying to puzzle out a solution. He still liked his charity idea. He still wanted Ilya in Ottawa. He still liked that timeline.
But.
He also didn’t want Ilya to have a Russian passport any longer. That’s another pressure on their relationship Shane wanted removed. And Ilya had mentioned a quick solution to the passport issue: marriage. .
So now Shane was standing in the courthouse of the small town that his cottage was technically a part of. The little old lady behind the desk had already handed him the paperwork by the time Shane realized that maybe they should have gone home to change. Oops. Too late now.
Ilya didn’t say anything as Shane filled out as much of the paperwork as he could and after, Ilya took over and wrote in all the information Shane didn’t know. They handed the paperwork back over to Gladys, according to the name plate in front of her, who even with thick glasses seemed to be struggling to read their information. Shane thought there was a very good chance that Gladys had no idea who either of them were. It was refreshing.
“Do you boys have witnesses?” She asked and Shane had perhaps his first moment of reality crashing against his plans.
“Oh um,” Fuck. Shane should have called his parents.
“They are coming soon,” Ilya answers Gladys with a smile.
“Okay well let me know when they get here and I can grab the judge. I think he is napping in his office.” She reached out with a boney hand and patted the top of Shane’s.
~
Ilya had texted David
Ilya
Bring nice clothes for Shane and Me to courthouse now.
David Hollander
Sure kid. On it.
Ilya was delighted to see that the earnestness was also genetic.
Things had moved fairly quickly from there. David had shown up with some long sleeve button down shirts for the boys but no pants. Yuna had pulled Shane out of the room to talk to him again and Ilya had a moment of worry that she was about to stop this but David had then pulled out a small jewelry box.
“Shane gets a lot of the free brand stuff sent to us cuz he doesn't really care about it much. I’m sure there’s a ring in here that will fit.” David starts handing Ilya Cartier and Dior rings to try on.
“You are not surprised?” Ilya couldn’t help but ask. Because it's one thing for him to be totally okay with this impulsive wedding, but normally parents try to stop that behavior.
“I was sorta expecting it to be honest,” David shrugged. “Shane went to one hockey lesson and on the drive home told us he was going to play for the NHL. He decided he loved it after one day, and he changed his whole life to fit his dream by the end of the week. Honestly, I’m shocked he didn’t drag you to the altar the second he realized he loved you.”
“Would’ve been hard in the middle of the night.” Ilya added with a smile.
“But not impossible,” David smiled, “Shane could have found a way.”
“Da,” Ilya agreed.
~
Shane didn’t care that he was in boat shoes and Ilya was wearing Nike’s. His mom fussed a little bit about it, not good for pictures, and then his dad had pointed out that they could always have a big wedding later if they wanted to and she had calmed down a little.
Shane hadn’t cared about any of the details. He was fine with whatever they were wearing. He was happy with the rings Ilya and his dad had found in the ‘swag bag’ jewelry box. He didn’t mind that the judge was like a hundred years old, with terrible eyesight and hearing aids, so he had to be told their names like four times each, and still somehow got Shane’s name wrong.
None of that mattered. The only thing that mattered was Ilya standing there with a wide smile on his face holding Shane’s hand as he repeated the vows after the judge. Shane never cared about how things looked; he was just vibrating out of his skin with how happy he was to be there, at that moment, taking Ilya as his husband. If he had to wait a year (or maybe even several) for this he would have died.
The judge pronounced them married and Shane completely forgot that his mom was right there because Ilya was his. Kissing his husband felt like flying. Neither of them seemed to care that when they pulled back they were both crying. Shane loved Ilya so fucking much.
~
The phone had been ringing for what felt like forever. It was making Shane self conscious even as Ilya was trying to suck his soul out of his dick. His cell had rung a few times and beeped for an incoming voicemail but Ilya had insisted that they could wait, until he was finished taking Shane apart, to answer whoever that was.
Then the landline started to ring and Shane tensed. Very few people had the land line to the cottage and that meant this call was probably important (Or his mom calling again to ask Ilya about what brand of tooth paste he used or something.)
“If you do not relax I am going to lose my wedding ring,” Ilya had pulled off of Shane’s dick with an obscene noise and was now using the three fingers he had up Shane’s ass to poke at Shane’s prostate like a doorbell. Shane made a noise that some might have categorized as muppet-like. Then the phone stopped ringing and the voicemail tone sounded in the quiet of the bedroom.
“Shane, it’s Rose,” Rose’s voice came out of the base of the cordless phone on the night stand. Ilya’s face did that thing. Shane would call it ‘trouble incoming’. This was the face that had gotten them into that whole situation with Hayden’s phone call.
“Don’t,” Shane gasped right as Ilya lunged and grabbed the phone before Shane could reach it.
“Hello Rose Landry. Shane can not talk right now. We are busy having honeymoon sex. Bye bye.” Ilya smirked and hung up the call. Fuck.
~
Rose stared at her phone in shock. Was that? Did he just?
A PA knocked on her trailer door and Rose had a whole conversation about when they would be ready for her back on set without actually hearing a word she or the PA said. The door closed and then her phone, which she was still holding, rang with ✨SHANE HOLLANDER✨ on the screen. She hit accept.
“Rose oh my god-” Shane gasped clearly out of breath.
“ILYA ROZANOV?!” she screamed back. There was what can only be described as a deranged cackle on the other end of the line. Then a smack.
“Fuck off,” Shane whispered to someone. Someone who, Rose was now completely certain, was in fact Russian hockey legend Ilya Rozanov.
“YOU SLUT!” Rose gasped, trying to contain the pure shot of adrenaline that had hit her brain. What the actual fuck. Like she knew that Shane had that IT factor but pulling Ilya was- frankly not that surprising now that she thought about it. “Put me on speakerphone right the fuck now.”
Rose heard Shane groan and protest and then there was another thunk noise like a slap against muscle.
“Hello,” said a heavily accented voice that was absolutely Ilya Rozanov.
“Hi Ilya, nice to finally put a face and name to the Peg,” Rose teased. She could hear Shane say ‘Actually this is my nightmare.’
“Is nice to meet husband’s beard,” Ilya chirps back and for the second time this morning Rose had a ‘What the fuck’ moment.
“HUSBAND?!?!” Rose screamed so loud that Mile’s dog three trailers away started barking.
Shane Hollander was never one to do anything by half measures.
~
“Shit I gotta take this,” Shane told Hayden, “It’s the lawyer about the spousal citizenship paperwork.” Shane didn't even realize what he said because he was already answering the call in a rush. They knew that getting Ilya his Canadian passport would take some paperwork and time but there had been some hang up, again, because most of Ilya’s documents were in Russian and they needed to be translated and notarized and apostilled like four times.
By the time Shane walked back into his living room he’d completely forgotten about what he’d said to Hayden, busy texting Ilya to let him know that they finally got the right version submitted.
“Dude, are you getting married?” Hayden asked, startling the shit out of Shane.
“Um, no,” Shane chuckled in what he hoped sounded casual but probably came out obviously panicked.
“Cuz if you got engaged without telling your best friend I would be pretty mad at you dude.” Hayden teased, punching Shane’s arm. And then he looked at Shane’s face and dawning horror crossed Hayden’s face. “No.”
“Sorry.” Shane winced.
“What the fuck dude! You got MARRIED?!” Hayden stood up and Shane had half a moment to be terrified before he was getting hugged.
“You’re not mad?” Shane gasped in terror, not yet leaning into the hug.
“A little, but from the sounds of that call you are just trying to get Boston Lily a Canadian citizenship ASAP. I know you will invite me to the real one.” Hayden pulls back from the hug with a gigantic smile on his face. “We can finally go on double dates.”
Shane has GOT to tell him. Right then.
“Yeah, it might be a minute before we can do double dates,” Shane started.
“Oh shit man, are they not letting her into Canada until the legal stuff is sorted out?” Hayden asked, concern clear on his face. Shane wasn’t gonna be able to do this half way, he’s gonna have to do it all at once like he did with his parents. So much for easing Hayden into this.
“Well no, he can come to Canada any time it's just, it’s gonna be a year before the trade goes through.” Shane offered. Hayden had gone still. His mouth opened and his eyes widened. Shane didn’t breathe. Hayden released Shane’s shoulders and sat like his legs had collapsed under him.
“You married another player so he could get a green card?” Hayden squeaked.
“I mean, I love him too,” Shane instantly defended and Hayden collapsed in a sigh of “Oh thank god.” Shane stared at his friend. “The fuck dude?”
“I’m sorry! You take a call from a lawyer about getting someone with Russian documents their citizenship after your marriage, you hedge around telling me and then say it's a guy! I thought you had been coerced into some kind of loveless green card marriage with a player coming to play for the Metros! You are one of the only players on the team who doesn’t have a public WAG. I could see management asking you to do that and you love hockey so much you probably would marry some player to improve the team. You didn’t tell me your sexuality so how am I supposed to know you are into guys? Of course I support you in anything man, you’re my best friend but I think I’m not that off base to be worried that you have told me you are married to some Russian- oh my fucking god its Rozanov.” Hayden was standing up at some point in the middle of his unhinged rant and he now stood, frozen in front of Shane. And that was honestly hilarious.
“What?” Shane gasped, trying not to cackle.
“That’s who you are married to. Your Boston hookup is Ilya Rozanov?!?!” Hayden looked like he’s going to faint. Shane had been scared about how Hayden would react to the news. Truthfully he was scared how everyone would react. He should have had more faith in Hayden. His best friend who jumped to conclusions that were almost correct and would punch out a guy twice his size for Shane. . He’s like 99% sure Hayden didn’t care about him being gay and was way more worried about Shane being in a relationship with an asshole.
Because Shane was in fact married to Ilya Rozanov, he did the slightly asshole thing of pulling out his phone and calling Ilya. On speakerphone.
“Is Pike gone? Can you turn on facetime so I can see your glasses now?” Ilya answered.
“Hayden is still here,” Shane told his husband who sighed loudly over the phone. “Also you are on speaker phone.”
“What? Why?” Ilya asked, “Is this your way of saying you want threeway, because we can do better than Pike.”
“Hey!” Hayden shouted in outrage.
“Anyway, you owe me a thousand dollars,” Shane cut in before his husband and best friend started fighting. “Hayden figured it out without any additional information.”
“Boooo not possible. Pike is not that smart.” Ilya groaned on the other end.
“Fuck you Rozanov!” Hayden shouted down the phone, coming over to stand by Shane.
Shane really couldn’t help the hysterical laugh that bubbled out of him. It was a giddy kind of joy to hear these two chirp at each other. The relief of a weight Shane hadn’t realized he was carrying around being removed.