Chapter Text
[SASUKE]
I searched my bag of alcoholic markers for my brown colors. It didn't take me long as it's all nice and organized and I had my colors sheet in front of me. I had just finished the final lines of my sketch and it's time to color in my rockstar squirrel. He was on two feet with an electric guitar in his adorable little hands and wore a helmet made out of a Coke bottle cap with spikes on top. I think he looks cool and the color will only enhance it.
I draw because I find a lot of enjoyment in it. Unfortunately, drawing will be nothing more than a hobby for me. My parents literally laughed in my face when I suggested I wanted to go to school for illustration and animation or even game design. They made me do the same major as my older brother Itachi which was engineering. To say I sucked at engineering was an understatement. I'm not that smart, at all. I barely made it with B's in high school so throwing me into such an intensive major despite my wishes was awful.
I got really depressed (well more than I already was), lost all my motivation to work, and catastrophized my life due to all the pressure and arguments with my parents that I reached my breaking point. I already had depression, anxiety, and problems stemming from that. I took medicine my whole life just to regulate it. But with the stress of college, not even the medicine helped, so with feeling so hopeless... I did the one thing that I felt would get me out of a hopeless situation... permanently. I failed. Obviously and honestly, even after my trip to the mental hospital and five days of therapy a week. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad that I failed. I think I'm honestly indifferent to the outcome at this point.
But you'd think your family would at least chill on you a little bit but no. All they did was up my medication and throw me back in the ringer. I mean, I guess that's what you're supposed to do. You have to move on eventually, can't just wallow around even though that's exactly what I did for a year.
But with my parents getting new jobs, they decided to pull me out of university and take me with them. I was pissed at this decision but considering they're scared I'll attempt again, it's a valid concern. The town is called... Konoha? I think. It's a small town from what I've seen. But considering I don't have a car I really haven't seen much. Anyway, they didn't decide to just pull me out of university... they also pulled out my brother so he could watch me as well. And again, I understand, I did something very stupid and they're scared, I get it. But Itachi loves to remind me that I'm not his helpless little brother and that ruined his life the moment I was born. With that being said, I enjoyed having him in my life as little as possible. When he was away in university our relationship was okay. And now that we're back living under one roof it's beyond ass once again.
Itachi is the golden child. Full-ride scholarship, has no mental disorders besides dickhead syndrome, and is simply perfect besides having a troubled little brother. He's working towards his master's degree but decided to pause that to take an internship down in the town next to Konoha. Apparently, it's ass and he's mad at me for putting him in this situation.
Look, all I'm going to say is I wasn't trying to make it this far in life, and now that I'm here I'm trying my hardest to figure everything out.
Speaking of figuring things out, college. Or uni, doesn't matter, I'm going to a community college for this semester. I'm starting a new major in accounting because apparently, business degrees are the easiest degree that my parents will be content with. Since I attempted while in college I got a clean sheet and I'm technically a sophomore with how long I've been in college for but since I'm starting a new major I will be taking freshman classes.
"Ugh," I groaned as I slid my beautiful purple marker across the page.
If I'm being honest, I do hate this situation I've found myself in. When I was in college, at least I was able to escape my family for a bit. I didn't have to hear their nagging and the constant comparing to my brother. I got some piercings that made me feel more like myself and I was finally ok with my appearance. Life wasn't bad at the start till it got to be too much.
Now with them watching me, it doesn't feel any different than how life was when I grew up. They don't really care how I'm doing, they just ask if the medicine is helping. It just feels like they're trying to sedate me to keep me in line so I don't fuck up their reputation because they have a "troubled" son. I swear that word has followed me my entire life.
Troubled. You know, I'm actually mute, but with how much I talk in my head you would've never assumed that. I mean I got to get my words out somehow and they just float around in my head, never making it to my mouth. It hasn't been easy, growing up this way. I stopped talking around grade five. I was always yelled at, berated, and made to rise to the pressure put on me. It was a lot for me and I felt like I never had a voice. So in a way, it was taken from me and I haven't spoken since.
It pissed my parents off that I wouldn't speak, speech therapy never worked because I have to want to speak for it to go anywhere. But I never cooperated. They hoped the meds would somehow make me talk. That didn't work. Duh. So I lived my life as a freak who never talked and didn't really fight back when I was picked on. That's where my best friend Suigetsu comes in. He protected me back in the day and for the most part, and I'd only get bothered occasionally, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been.
I think I'm going to call Sui to get out of my head for a little bit since coloring isn't taking the edge off today for some reason. Sui and I have been friends since middle school. It's funny because at first, I thought he was just another bully but he turned out to be funny, feisty, and a bit chaotic but really nice. He was interested in me being so quiet and was the first and only person to get to know me despite me being mute. Most people just give up or get bored with me because getting to know someone who just types is an inconvenience. I know sign language and it's my main form of communication but I never really use it because nobody fucking signs, unfortunately. So me and my notes app are best friends at this point. The only person I sign to is Sui, I taught him sign language and he only uses it with me if we're talking shit. Otherwise, he'll talk and I'll sign to him. It's been a long journey getting him fluent but it's been well worth it. Oh, and my brother can sign too, but fuck him.
I went on my laptop and paused the music that was playing on my AirPods. I went to my contacts and called my best friend. It didn't take long for my screen to flash to life to reveal my favorite white-haired human.
"Uchiha Sasuke what is up?" He asked with his crooked smirk. "It's about time you called me though. You all settled in?" He asked me, referring to my move.
I nodded and went to sign.
[Yeah it was a hassle but it's done.]
"Ahhh, yeah I bet. I miss you already. I caught myself heading to your dorm and you're not even there," he said with a small sad laugh.
[I'm sorry.]
"How are you feeling though? Mentally?" He asked me, turning the conversation a bit more serious than I would've liked.
[I'm fine. I'm ready to go back to school and finally have something to do. I hope accounting is easier than engineering.]
"Oh, accounting is going to be a thousand times easier than fucking engineering. I still can't believe your parents made you do that."
[Tell me about it.] I rolled my eyes before pushing up my glasses.
"But hey, new town, that means new opportunities and hopefully friends?"
[Sui, I'm not you. I'm not going to make a single friend over here.]
"Don't say that. You just need to join a club or some shit. It's not hard."
[Nobody wants to be friends with the mute kid.]
"Yeah if he's this pessimistic," he countered and I rolled my eyes again which made him laugh.
"Seriously Sasuke just join the JSL club and ask around so you can find people who sign just like you."
[That's...] I paused my signing, realizing how good of an idea that is. [Not a bad idea.]
"I know right? Who knew I could come up with a good idea?" He said sarcastically.
[Facts.] I signed and his face dropped, making me laugh.
"Who knows you may even get a girlfriend or...?"
[I say I think I'm demisexual one time and there you go.]
"I mean you don't deny that you'd date a guy."
I pressed my lips together as I glanced away. I'm still figuring myself out. I don't want to limit my options or anything but I don't really think about guys or really anyone in very sexual ways. I'm more attracted to the personality and values of a person if that makes sense. From what I've researched, people who are demi only feel sexual attraction once they've formed a deep connection with someone, and out of all the sexualities and stuff out there, I resonate with that more than anything. As I've grown up that has expanded from just women to people who identify as non-binary, other genders, or just whatever. So I guess you can throw guys in there too.
"So you'd date a guy?" Suigetsu pressed.
[Why do you care? Are you interested in me or something?]
"Shiiii," he bit his bottom lip and narrowed his eyes which made me laugh.
[Die.] I told him and he laughed.
"I just think it's cool. I think it would be cool to date another dude. Maybe in another life." Suigetsu said and I raised a brow.
[So there's this river in Egypt.]
"Haha shut up," he laughed. "We'll see bro. Maybe I might fuck around this year. Maybe we should both fuck around this year?"
[Let me focus on at least making a friend.]
He nodded his head. "True true," he said as we silently tried to think of a new topic to discuss.
"So..." Sui trailed. "You sure you're good?" He asked me, referring to my incident.
I nodded.
[Yeah. I won't let myself get that stressed out again.]
"And you'll call me, right? Like I said, I'm totally fine with us just dropping out and running away to a new prefecture. Preferably one in the country, and we start a new life together."
I smiled at his offer.
[Yes I'll call you.] I signed and he smiled too.
"You're my best friend Uchiha. You better let me know if it's getting to be too much this time."
[Yeah yeah.] I dismissed as I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. Suigetsu unfortunately or fortunately was the one who found me as I was on the phone with him before it happened. I was saying my goodbye's and yeah he put two and two together. I won't go into how I did it as it's triggering to even remember it but yeah.
"With that being said, let's get on the game," he said excitedly.
[Absolutely.] I signed, glad for the change of pace.
We played video games together for the rest of the night and talked about our first day of school excitement, fears, and hopes for the new semester. I'm simply praying everything goes smoothly tomorrow and I need to remember to check out that JSL club.
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