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Will had been scared for a long time, even before that fateful day on which he had been taken to the Upside Down for the first time. He couldn’t exactly remember what happened to him after the Demogorgon had finally caught him when he fell down that tree and got knocked out, but he for sure knew that it couldn’t have been good.
His physical state months after he had been rescued though spoke tales of possibilities of what might have been done to him while he was out back then. Coughing up those horrible slugs was one thing, but the continued feeling of a Damocles sword hanging over him as the feeling of being watched and followed never left him for a second.
Even after they burned the Mind Flayer from his body and closed the gate for the second time that the Russians decided to try and reopen as well as after moving away to California, the connection remained. While dormant and in the back of his mind, it never left him for a second, making him look over his shoulder continuously with no relief in sight...
And now... Vecna had shown him... Shown him what would happen if he-
Will kept trying to tell himself that it wasn’t real, a lie of a future meant to scare him and to keep him weak and breakable. There had to be a change... honesty... someone needed to know... he decided to go looking for his mom. If there was one person who would always love him and be there for him, it was her... And it was easier... easier than the alternative...
Joyce was standing at the door, watching the rest of them load gear into the back of Murrays truck for their charge through the gate into the Upside Down. Will joined her before turning to meet her gaze.
“Mom?”
His mom turns to look at him questioningly as Will paused for a moment before continuing:
“Earlier today, when you asked me what happened in Vecnas mind, I... I-uh, I didn’t tell you everything...”
He scratched the back of his neck in an attempt to calm his raging nerves. His mom's eyebrows lift in concern as she looks up at him attentively. Will swallowed.
“C-can we talk somewhere more private?” Will asks, looking at the ground and suddenly finding it much more interesting than his mom's face while she agreed readily, already pulling him back to their meeting room.
They settled opposite to each other on the couches. It was now or never, otherwise he would never find the courage to speak of this ever again, Will supposed.
“When Vecna attacks... he weakens you... by... turning your own mind against you... by bringing out everything inside you that hurts... So, I fought back... by focusing on happy memories... memories from when I was a kid... and when I wasn’t scared... and when I felt most happy...”, Will started to explain, finding it hard to find the right words to describe what he was feeling.
He remembered being trapped by Vecna in the Abyss, being held up by slimy vines and Vecna being mere centimeters from his face, looking at him sinisterly and taunting him by corrupting everything he held dear to his heart... Will shook his head to quickly dispel the memory.
“That’s how I took control in the MAC-Z...” He recalled those precious childhood memories and moments he spent with his brother building castle byers and all of the carefree fun they shared, “and how I killed those Demos...”
He felt his mom look at him, giving her all of her attention and hanging onto his every word. He felt her fear of hearing even worse news from him, afraid for her youngest son's life...
“...and I thought the same would work on Vecna too, but he found a way past...”
Will looked up from his lap to meet his mom's gaze, terror and desperation evident in his expression, which he desperately tried and failed to school into something more calm and reassuring. He remembered Vecna using his powers on him... The pressure in his head, slowly turning into excruciating pain... giving everything to keep him out, unable to stifle the whimpering coming from deep within his ribcage... him losing control slowly but surely, unable to fight back...
“...and he showed me things, mom...”
He remembered when he realized that the wetness collecting underneath his eyes weren’t tears but blood, dripping down freely... then shortly after was when the pain became unbearable... that’s when he had lost any semblance of control he had left and started to heave out a bloodcurdling scream...
Will took another deep breath to fight the panic brewing deep inside his chest.
“...he showed me the most awful things...”
Will lowered his voice and his gaze became hard and serious.
“No, listen...” his mother interjected. She placed her right hand one top of his own, trying to reassure them, “Whatever he showed you, it’s not real. He plays tricks. He lies-”
“No, he doesn’t...”
Will shook his head dejectedly.
“What he showed me...”
He took a shaky breath, trying to keep it together and stave off the fear-
“...it didn’t come from him.”
Will paused, before continuing.
“It came from me...”
His shaky breathing became worse as the panic within him grew. His eyes started to burn, and Will wasn’t sure if it were tears or blood collecting in his ducts. His gaze dropped back at his lap.
“...he sees everything, mom... He sees my thoughts. He sees my memories. He sees my secrets...”
More tears started to collect in his eyes, and he felt his breathing become choppy and unregular. Will closed his eyes to try and calm himself. This was his mom who was always by his side... She would never forsake him for who he truly was...
“But Max, she told me he’s also afraid, which proves I can beat him, but for me to do that, you need to know...” He looked up again with an intensity that screamed importance as his lip quivered with fear. “I think you need to know the truth.”
Suddenly, the door burst open, interrupting Will. Both mother and son whipped around to see who or what had broken their moment.
Will quickly recognized Mike rushing into the room, who slowed down as soon as he noticed the duo.
“Oh, uh...” Mike stopped a few meters away from him standing here awkwardly in the hallway, observing them uncertainly, “Sorry. We just heard from Hop, he’s 15 minutes out. So, we should probably leave in five...?”
Mikes gaze flittered between the two before abruptly noticing the state Will was currently in as well as Joyces hand gently holding Wills balled up fists in the boy's lap. His expression grew increasingly concerned.
“Is everything okay?”
Joyce quickly clocked Wills speechlessness and swiftly caught Mikes attention with a meaningful look saying: “Yeah, we’ll be out in a minute.” before Wills gaze snapped back at her.
Mike nodded slightly in acknowledgement and turned to leave, concern still very obvious though he didn’t want to push the matter further if Will was uncomfortable with it... Though then-
“Wait...”
Mike stopped in his tracks, turning to face Will attentively, who stood from his seat.
“I think you should hear this too...” Will spoke intensely with conviction clear in his voice.
If he truly wanted to be honest with himself, it really wasn’t his mother he needed to be honest with but Mike. The ultimate way to grow past his fear, finally being truthful with his first and best friend as well as the love of his life...
“I actually think I need to talk with you first... alone... if that’s okay?”
“Of course, whatever you need, I’m here for you, always. You know that!”, Mike rushed to answer, taking a few steps closer to him, smiling slightly. Will hummed uncommittedly at that, looking at the ground, conflicting thoughts plaguing his mind. He wanted nothing more to hide his true thoughts and feelings forever and never jeopardize the relationship Mike and him had but it was the only way to grow past the never-ending terror and threat Vecna posed on him and therefore to his friends and family...
His mom looked at him questioningly and after Will gave her a subtle nod, she smiled at him sadly and turned to leave the room. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk then. Come get me if you need anything, okay Will, honey?” Will nod at her in appreciation before gesturing to the seat opposing him that his mom had just vacated.
Mike quickly joined him and sat down, resting his hands in his lap and peered up at Will, waiting for him to speak his mind. It had been a while since they talked like this, just the two of them trusting each other with their worries and woes and since that had been mostly Mikes fault, it only made him happier that Will still wanted to share his thoughts with him at all. Mike smiled at him encouragingly.
“What did you want to talk about?”
Will started to play with the fabric of his pants, scrunching it up to give his hands something to do as his nerves once again got the better of him, desperately trying to find a way to start explaining this...
“I... uh... I am... I mean I... I need you to know... Hah... I don’t even know how to explain any of this...” Will facepalmed, trying to stifle his building hysteria while chuckling at his misfortune.
“It’s okay! No matter what’s going on, I will always be there for you, you know that. You can tell me anything-”
“That’s the thing...”, Will interrupted quickly before chuckling again, wiping away some tears that were threatening to drop. “I’m scared that I might have finally found something that might be an exception to that-”
“Impossible!!”, Mike interjected once again, worry now clearly visible in his entire body language, “It’s just that I will always be your best friend and you can tell me anything because I will never judge you and I will always be by your side... and I know I haven’t been the best of friends to you lately but I’m really trying to be better and that includes being there for you no matter what it is that is scaring you, and... Oh- sorry for interrupting again, please continue...”
Will chuckled again, smiling into his hand in an attempt to hide how much this confession made the butterflies trapped in his chest dance. Mike saw the smile anyway and smiled back, happy to have made Will smirk. Will took a breath before lowering his hand again.
“I... I haven’t really told anyone about this... because...”
He took another shaky breath as his voice cracked on him, trying to brace himself for the confession he was about to make.
“...because I... I don’t... I don’t want you to s-see me differently... but...”
Will took another bated breath.
“...but the truth is... the... t-the truth is I am... I am different...”
He shook his head and sniffed quickly, clearing his nostrils.
“I just...”
Will looked up at Mike, uncertainty filling his entire being, but Mike only smiled back at him encouragingly as he met Wills' gaze. Will took another deep breath.
“I just pretended like I wasn’t because... because I didn’t- I didn’t want to be... I- I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be like our friends and- and you and- and I am like you. I- I'm like you i-in... in almost every way. We... we like playing D&D late into the night...”
Mike grinned at that mention, his attention never straying from Wills’ words for a moment.
“...and we like that old-person smell in your basement and we... we like biking to Melvald’s for malted milkshakes, and we like getting lost in the woods and... and getting lost in Family Video and... and arguing about what to rent and settling on Holy Grail for the millionth time and... and we like Milk Duds in our popcorn with extra butter and we like drinking Coke with Pop Rocks and we like bike races and trading comics a-and NASA and Steve Martin and Lucky Charms and- and literally all the same things, right?”
“We really do, don’t we huh?” Mike commented, grinning happily at him.
“I just... I just... I... I just..... I............ I......”
Will started to cry silently, pressing a fist against his mouth trying to stifle the sobs that started slipping out of his chest. Mikes expression shifted into an impossibly more concerned look, desperate to console the other boy.
“Hey, it’s okay! You don’t have to tell me, I can just be here for you anyway!” Mike bumped his knees against Wills, smiling at him brightly before gently reaching out with his right arm, caressing Wills left shoulder carefully. He smiled at Will who kept trying to desperately dry his tears at the action, “just like this.”
“I don’t like girls...”
Will breathed deeply, trying to stop more tears from emerging.
There, the truth was out- Mike finally knew the truth of who he really was. I almost felt like a boulder was lifted from his chest and for some reason, it was almost easier to continue now that the worst part was out in the open...
“I mean I do... just... just not like you guys do... and I... uh... I- I had this... this crush on someone, even- even though I know... I know they’re not like me...”
He shook his head in desperation, desperately hoping that Mike understood what he meant without realizing that person was Mike himself... He allowed himself to sob freely for a few more moments, unable to continue for a short moment. Will stared at his fists intensely. He wasn’t brave enough to see Mikes expression at this moment.
He once again thought of Robin and realized how to keep explaining this absolute mess of abstract feelings. After all, Will doubted Mike remembers who tone-deaf tammy was...
“But... but then I realized... he’s just my Tammy, a-and by Tammy, I mean it was never about him... it was- it was about me a-and I thought I was finally okay with myself, but... but then today... today Vecna showed me what would happen if I did this... if I told you the truth, he-he showed me a future, a-and in this future...”
He sobbed again, balling the fabric of his pants back in his hands, pinching himself in the process to keep himself grounded.
“And in this future... some of the others... they are just worried for me, worried that things will be harder for me and looking for... f-for a way to f... f-fix me even... and it just makes me feel like something’s wrong with me, so I... so I push you away and for the rest of us, w-we just drift apart more and more and more and more until- until I’m all alone...”
Will sniffed slightly once again and tried to dry his tears, which proved to be a useless endeavor as every dried tear got replaced in record time.
“And I know none of that has happened, a-and Vecna can’t see into the future, b-but he can see into our minds, a-and he knows things a-and i-it just felt so real... It felt so real...”
He completely lost it right there at that moment, sobbing freely into his hands, pulling at the parts of his hair he could reach. Will was so afraid of what Mike thought of him now... Was he disgusted? Surprised? Apathetic? Would he ever want to have anything to do with him ever again?
In the end it was Mike who pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts.
“Will...”
Mike once again placed his right hand back on Wills' shoulder to comfort him before noticing Will pulling at his own hair. He slowly reached over with his other hand, carefully grasping both of Wills' wrists and gently pulled them both down into the boys' lap, exposing his face in the process. Will looked absolutely wrecked, fearful sobs shaking his entire body with a mix of tears and snot collecting at the tip of his nose. Mike stopped a small sob of his own from escaping before gathering himself. This revelation shook him to the core, and this moment was probably the most important one of his entire life.
“Will, you gotta listen to me, that will NEVER ever happen!”
Mike was feeling almost exasperated at the mere thought of leaving Will.
He thought about all of the conflicting feelings he has had since that fateful day Will had been taken by the Demogorgon. It had made him realize how he actually felt about his best friend in the world and that had scared him shitless...
Mikes life didn’t start that day when he met El in the woods, it had started that first day of kindergarten when he had met Will for the first time. But even if his life started that day in the woods, it wasn’t because of El, but because of Wills disappearance and the hurt and desperation it unlocked in him.
After all those years trying to conform to a certain type of personality and wants that were expected of him by his parents, peers and the world, he had certainly made a lasting impression on his best friend and that realization threatened to rip his heart in two pieces. When he had realized what he had been doing all along, dating El as an excuse to others, never sending any of the vast amount of letters he had written to Will, never being completely honest with himself and his best friend just like he was right now...
Mike had promised to always stay with Will, but he had broken that promise repeatedly. He could barely believe how lucky he was that Will kept accepting him back with open arms whenever he came crawling back, having realized how shitty he had behaved. Wasn’t that what Mike had promised Will all those years ago?
If one of them were to go crazy, they’d go crazy together...
It had been so easy to say it back then. A love confession barely disguised as a friendly promise to always be each other's best friend... Mike wondered if Will even remembered that...
But anyway, wasn’t that just the thing?
He had loved Will for years, spending the majority of his time insisting that it was purely platonic to the world but mostly to himself, rationalizing his feelings away while his heart screamed at him to take Will into his arms to protect him from all of the evil in the world and to keep him there indefinitely...
It had taken him way too long to come to terms with himself and to start looking for clues if Will even felt the slightest reciprocation of those feelings. He had been so sure that even if Will was just like him, he would never have a chance anyway as he had been such an asshole for such a long time to him while in denial, even snapping at Will back when he was trying so hard to appear normal.
‘It’s not my fault you don’t like girls...’
Isn't that what he had spat at Will when he was just trying to spend time with him after being neglected in favor of their girlfriends back then for weeks upon weeks? Will had looked so destroyed at his core, any form of hope and happiness sucked from his expression in an instant.
‘Yes, I guess I did...’
That’s what Will had answered him back then when confronted with the accusation if he had believed they would play D&D forever and never get girlfriends. Mike had wanted to backtrack immediately, drop to his knees, hug him tight and apologize for his poisonous words until his lungs gave out on him, drying those tears he had caused until they stopped coming...
There were few other things he regretted more in his life than that day...
But now, after hearing this confession, how Will felt, what he feared most, now desperately waiting for an answer, Mike was sure if he fucked this up now, he would hate himself forever.
Because hearing Wills words gave him hope.
Hope that he might still have a chance.
He was the first person Will chose to confess this to and while Will didn’t exactly mention who his crush was, Mike goddamn prayed that Will was talking about him. Wishful thinking most likely but a man could hope, couldn’t he?
But first, he had to fix this horrid misconception Will carried that his preferences would cause everyone to abandon him.
“Will... you...”
Mike took a small breath and gently caressed Wills wrists with his thumbs, trying to find his pulse point blindly.
“You will never lose us, you will never lose me!”
Will hiccupped as he tried to regain his composure, now unable to hide. Mike let go of one of his right wrist to gently cradle Wills face with his left hand, carefully lifting him by his jaw to make him meet his gaze to show him how serious he was about this. His face was slightly flushed, and his neck sported a blotchy reddish color as well from the stress and crying. Tears were still flowing steadily from his eyes but after a second, Will braved to look him in his eyes.
“Ever!”
Mike said with complete conviction, smiling at Will, suddenly noticing that he too had started crying a while ago apparently.
“I promise you this on my life, I will always be there for you, no matter what happens! Okay?” Mike proclaimed, tears now flowing freely as well.
“Okay... okay...”
Wills voice sounded hoarse, trying to croak out those two small words, nodding furiously. Mike leant forward, hauling Will up with him as he stood before bringing him forward into a bone-crushing hug. His whole body crashed against him and after a short second of hesitation, Will hugged back just as fiercely.
“You’ll never lose me, and I cannot lose you, ever...”
Mike cried into Wills’ hair, still pressing his entire body against him as they both cried in relief. His right hand found Wills neck and slowly started caressing him there in soothing circles.
“Promise me you’ll never leave me either, please-”
Will nodded furiously, unable to bring himself to speak at all. They both continued sobbing into each other with no end in sight, not that any of them even wanted to let go anytime soon. Mikes heart threatened to jump out of his ribcage. He had wanted this for so long and even though he knew this would not last forever, he would enjoy this for as long as he could. Though he also had to be honest with him, just as Will had been with him as well... Will deserved the truth and the right to hear how Mike truly felt about him and he had denied him that right for far too long and it had only caused him pain for so many years...
Will had once called him the heart, when he had given him that painting he had made and then promptly claimed that it had been Els' commission. Mike knew it wasn’t right then and there but he had kept his mouth shut and let Will deprecate his own beautiful work but it was enough to make that fire that was already raging inside him turn into an inferno, setting his heart on fire with want and yearning.
Because Will was wrong... Mike wasn’t the heart... well, at least not in the sense he meant.
Will was!
Mikes heart, that is...
He could not live without him, and Mike needed him to know that...
“God, I just love you so much...”
And there it was out in the open. The truth... and it had been so easy to admit and say aloud as well.
Will stiffened instantaneously but Mike refused to let go – not yet... not so soon...
“I promised you we would go crazy together and I broke my promise for a long time, and I am so, so sorry for that, Will...”
Mike sobbed and held fast in Wills' shoulders before slowly extracting himself just barely out of the embrace to look him in the eyes. Will was stiff as a plank, looking at him in absolute shock and disbelief as Mike reached up and carefully wiped his tears away with his thumbs before he replaced them back on wills shoulders.
“It took me a long time to come to terms with what that meant... at least for me... and-and that’s it exactly, Will!”
Mike shook his head in desperation and gently lifted his left hand to cradle Wills face again who flinched slightly, his face and his eyes flittering between the reaching hand and to the ground before settling in his gentle hold, looking at him straight on with wonder.
“I love you, and I’ve been in love with you for years, probably since the beginning to be honest but actually realizing before accepting myself and the truth was probably that day you disappeared... I-I was so scared of never seeing you again and then I saw that fake body b-but then we found you after all and... those fights against the mind flayer... Will... I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life...”
He shook his head, tears returning, although to be honest, they had probably never left in the first place, only decreasing in frequency for a short while. Mike tried to smile at Will who still hadn’t moved and had barely breathed since Mikes confession.
“And then you moved away and I never thought how much it would hurt- how much I would miss you until you were gone... I genuinely can’t explain how I am still alive but all I know is that I hated that time without you... I didn’t know what to do with myself so I threw myself into Hellfire club and D&D to feel closer to you again but who am I kidding it barely helped but made me miss you even more”
He snorted deprecatingly.
“All of those letters I wrote to you but never sent, i could probably bind a three-part book series with them... I-I was just s-scared of your rejection, so I accepted it and moved to ignore you in hopes of my feelings fading but they never did... When I saw you at that airport, I almost... I...”
Mike leant forward and rested his brow against Wills for a moment before continuing.
“And then when you saved me from that Demogorgon as it was about to reach me, I just saw you standing there, holding it back with all of your might and I could just think about how strong you were and how I could never even amount to half of your greatness and when Vecna had you trapped, I tortured myself with all of the possibilities of what he could be doing to you and as I sat by your side, holding your hand I just knew... I needed to tell you the truth or I would implode into a black hole with all of the love I held for you...”
That caused Will to let out a choked noise, tripping over that truth as Mike smiled at him tearfully, feeling finally free of the secret that had been weighing on him for years. He gently raised his other hand to rid Will of his tears once again before moving to let go.
“So, now you know... and I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you this earlier... I just need you not to hate me, p-please, t-that's all I need, Will, I-I'm begging you, p-please, I-”
Now, it was Wills turn to interrupt Mikes spiraling thoughts as he rushed forward to envelop Mike in another embrace who immediately crushed the other boy against himself as well, desperately pressing closer as if he wanted to melt into his love.
Mike knew he would probably not receive the reciprocating answer to his confession as he had hoped, and he was fine with that, as long as he had this...
As long as he had Will-
“I love you too you absolute idiot...”
Will whispered against Mikes ear, causing him to choke before starting to laugh hysterically. ‘No way... am I dreaming??’, was the only thought that kept rolling around Mikes mind at that moment, so to be sure-
“Yeah?”
“Forever...”, Will promised him.
They both started laughing then before slowly lowering themselves onto the couch they had abandoned previously, without letting go for even a moment.
Somehow Mike ended up half on Wills' lap and half on the couch (not that he was complaining) and for a while, they just cried and breathed. Relief was evident in both of them as they sat there, smiling at each other in elation and bliss of just holding each other. At one point, they stopped crying and simply breathed each other’s air, eyes closed and recovered from the emotional confession that brought them there. Mike ended up breaking it first, opening his eyes slightly to peer at the other boy beneath him.
“Can I kiss you please?”
Will swallowed and opened his eyes as well to look at Mike, whose face was just as flushed as his own was as well as smiling with drying tear-tracks still evident on their faces. He simply smiled at him and was only able to choke out two words:
“Yes please...”
Mikes smile widened even more before he slowly reached down to gently place a small exploring peck on the corner of Will’s lips. They both broke into another smile and Mike moved again but this time Will met him halfway as they shared a real kiss, lips softly moving against the others.
It was wet but warm and absolutely perfect.
Fireworks exploded in their chests as they shared the first of hopefully many kisses.
Then, when the need for oxygen stopped them from continuing in perpetuity, they both leant back to stop before smiling widely at each other once again before sinking back into their warm embrace.
“We’ll go crazy together, just like we said back then, right?”
“Just as we said, always...”
As it so happened, when Mike opened his eyes next, the first thing he noticed was the clock hanging on the wall behind them and the time it told. Placing another peck on Wills temple, Mike slowly moved off of him as Will looked at him questioningly.
“As much as I would like to stay in your arms forever, we do have to get moving, we’re already way past the five minutes and people are probably going to start looking for us soon-is if they aren’t already...”
Mike gestured to the clock while explaining, waiting for Will to take a look and realize as well.
“Damn you’re right-”
Will simply answered and took the hand Mike offered to help him stand while looking at him lovingly. Neither of them let go immediately but rather lingered in the moment with their hands together, fingers entwined tightly, not wanting to let go of the other.
Someone then knocked at the wall before turning towards them, walking briskly.
“You guys, I’m sorry for interrupting but we’re about ready to leave and wanted to check in on you two... Is everything okay?”
Joyce turned around the corner and came to a stand, observing and looking the two of them up and down, instantly noting them holding hands. She slowly walked towards them and for a short second, the two of them became nervous before she reached them, giving Will a hug first, placing a loving kiss on his hair.
Will didn’t notice the scrutinizing look his mom sent Mike that barely hid a happy smile.
“No, it’s fine we were ready to go anyway”, Will promised, looking at Mike who nodded in agreement.
The three of them started walking back towards the entrance.
His mom still looked at him with concern. She had always known immediately whenever something was wrong and Will had to admit, he was probably not looking his best at the moment.
“Are you sure? What if-”
“I need to be there... And I’m ready... I’m ready to show him I’m not afraid anymore.”, Will interjected swiftly.
He spoke calmly before looking at Mike, who nodded at him encouragingly, a small smile on his face still. Mike would always wish most for Will to stay far away from the fight, but he knew he could never keep him from it so all he could do was support him and pray to be there if he needed his help.
Joyce nodded at her youngest son with a pained but knowing smile.
Will and Mike shared one last look before walking towards the door to join the others hand in hand.
There were many things that still needed to be said and discussed, but all of that could wait.
For now, they would simply bask in the complete honesty and connection they had and love each other until the end.
It was time for the final confrontation.
And this time?
Will was ready!