Chapter Text
The dorm was quiet. Way too quiet. Usually Neil would fill up the space with his liveliness. Todd was devastated. He hadn't noticed how much he'd came to need that noise. Now that his father found out about him secretly acting, Neil has been strangely quiet. Like he has nothing left to say. And Todd wishes Neil would tell him what happened, although he could never ask him. He's far too nervous. Less around Neil, but even so, bringing up such heavy topics just incites a wave of what feels almost like terror. So instead, they sit at their desks, and ignore the crushing weight of silence.
*******
Neil's father had scared him that night. He was louder than he's ever been. After his father screamed to his heart's content, Neil went to his room, and broke down in tears. He thinks it's pathetic, to be so affected by his father's sharp words. Years ago, he trained himself to sob quietly. To gasp and hiccup but never make too much noise, for fear of his father hearing and inevitably saying things like "why are you so sensitive?" The pressure of these comments adds up quickly.
Neil knows he hasn't been himself lately, but he can't seem to muster up the energy.
*******
In the dining hall, Todd's gaze keeps falling onto Neil as they eat supper. He can't seem to get his mind off Neil, but he can't work up the courage to talk to him about this. So the Dead Poets sit together as they eat, with Neil right next to Todd, as usual. It occurs to Todd that Neil always sits there, no matter what.
Somewhere in the background, Nuwanda and Knox are in a heated discussion about some girl, and Pitts and Meeks are fiddling with their radio under the table. But somehow, with all this noise surrounding them, a silence still envelops Neil and Todd.
A terrifying, deafening silence.
After a few more minutes of picking at his food, Neil decides he needs to leave. He excuses himself, and goes back to their dorm. After a moment's hesitation, Todd also excuses himself, and follows Neil back to the dorm, making the other Dead Poets give curious looks, before returning to their respective activities.
Todd softly knocks on the door, hearing a quiet "it's open" from the other side of the door. Todd opens the door to see Neil sitting on his bed, knees to his chest.
Todd's voice is quiet but forcibly steady as he asks, "Are you okay?"
Neil's heart practically melts at Todd's sweet and worried tone, but he doesn't let it show. He simply says, "I'm fine"
"Why won't you talk to me, Neil?"
Neil wants desperately to tell Todd everything, but he can't put the words together, so he doesn't respond. Todd sighs, and sits on the floor by the foot of Neil's bed. Neil may not be ready to talk, but Todd is determined to be there for Neil as Neil had been there for him.