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Unlike most people who were in some way employed by the PRT in Chicago, be it the Wards and the Protectorate heroes, the officers or the managers, Taylor Hebert didn’t really have any other place to visit on the holidays. Her only family member wasn’t here, her friends weren’t here – and weren’t allowed to ever be around here, de-facto, and her team had better things to do than wasting time on dragging her out somewhere nice. They all had actual people to get to, and they knew it, even if Grace looked noticeably sad.
At least Defiant understood her point. Dragon was relentless, of course, but it was the thought that counted, or so people said. Taylor didn’t really get that. But she got a new red-and-white tinkertech taser in the mail, and that mattered much more.
There were still about two hours until the New Year, but Taylor didn’t even feel like turning on the TV in the common room or touching the pizza that was left for her. Just like the last few years, the cheerful holiday spirit didn’t hurry to possess her – and Taylor wasn’t sure if she could welcome it, being aware of the possibility of holidays as a concept ending with the world altogether. Analyzing the videos from the latest fight could, at least, bring something useful, thus, directly positive.
Also, the holiday posters that the PRT was making were simply atrocious. The only one Taylor took for her room was the poster with Narwhal, and only because she looked much cuter than everybody else combined, wearing just a Santa hat.
Her eyes hurt quite a bit, but Taylor didn’t want to look through her bugs – it was already a rarity to be left alone and simultaneously not processing everything that was happening inside the headquarters. She enjoyed the silence. Until she suddenly heard the door to her room opening.
“Hey, Bug.”
The knife that Taylor managed to hide from everybody under the bed, fell out of her hand and probably scratched the floor.
She couldn’t care less, staring at the very familiar blonde girl, who was currently examining the room, leaning on the doorframe.
Taylor’s mind was aware that her body started moving quickly, and Lisa – Lisa’s face, her glinting eyes, her unusually soft smile, the silver fox pendant on Lisa’s neck that Taylor brought her after surviving the Nine – was steadily getting closer to her. But Taylor’s brainpower was all spent on trying to figure out if she had finally started hallucinating after a head injury she got in a fight three days ago.
And yet Lisa Wilbourn was, felt, as real as they got. Considerably more real than copying androids she helped Dragon to deal with a month ago. Taylor knew that mostly because Lisa was quite cold – always was, no matter the clothes, and the winter here, far from the mild autumn-like season in Brockton Bay, probably didn’t help things. Her touch usually helped Taylor to clear her head a little… Especially when they were out of bandages.
Lisa silently leaned forward just a little bit, letting Taylor’s fingers properly cup her reddened cheek. The warmth of Lisa’s breath on her hand reminded Taylor that she actually also had to breathe and not only stare at the green lights in her – teammate, friend, girlfriend, partner, right hand, blood in her veins and a mark on her map, Skitter’s beginning and Taylor Hebert’s end – companion’s eyes.
“You look a bit shaken up,” Lisa commented, and Taylor felt her lips moving under her hand. “I’m pretty sure I saw your usual guardian flies everywhere aro- Ah.”
“They seek threats – mostly,” Taylor replied hoarsely. “You know. You could come up to me with a grenade launcher unopposed if you wished to.”
“Yeah, I see. Didn’t think that me worming my way into your mind would be that successful,” Lisa chuckled. “It’s been half a year…”
“That won’t ever change.”
“A lie,” Lisa said evenly. “You aren’t sure. But you want to believe that… And you also think you won’t live long enough to forget. Nice to see that the heroes didn’t change you very much.”
“To be fair, my therapist isn’t aware.”
“Then she’s a shitty therapist.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Taylor sighed. “She kinda helps. I guess.”
She barely noticeably flinched when Lisa abruptly made a step forward and encased her in a tight embrace, nuzzling against her neck. It felt… strangely nostalgic. Especially since most of the time they both ended up in this position while they were wearing their costumes. And, as it seemed, Taylor’s reflex didn’t leave her as well: her arms on their own pressed Lisa closer, trying to warm her up. She was fine with that.
“How… How did you get here?” Taylor murmured.
“You mean, will it get you in trouble?”
“No.”
Lisa let out a breathy laugh, tickling Taylor’s collarbone.
“PRT security systems are vastly overrated – you can tell them that. One call to the Toybox was quite enough, as you can see.” Lisa paused. “And we do have experience, that too.”
“Something tells me they won’t appreciate that report.”
“When did that stop you from doing what you think is right, huh? You’d want this place to be more secure.”
“True. And why are you here, Lise?”
“Why do you think?”
Taylor raised an eyebrow. Lisa couldn’t see it, of course – being busy clinging to Taylor like containment foam – but she could guess.
“Ah, right. No, the Undersiders are not kidnapped and the end of the world isn’t coming sooner than we thought.”
“You wouldn’t travel this far without a serio-”
“God,” Lisa groaned, “how stupid can you be, Taylor? Pretty stupid and even more dense, I know, but…”
Dragon, being an ideal of humanity that she was, never stopped being relentless in regards to Taylor as well – so Taylor was, possibly, more aware of… things happening around her. Usually. And Taylor also knew that tone of Lisa’s.
“I don’t count myself as a serious reason,” Taylor hummed, absentmindedly stroking Lisa’s hair and removing stray snowflakes from it. “Too far from Brockton Bay for my liking. Too dangerous.”
“Even here?” Lisa sneered.
“I might have agreed to work with the Protectorate, but it doesn’t mean I changed my mind about their, eh, methods. Or lack thereof.”
“Should I leave?” Lisa asked, showing off her usual self-assured tone just a little too much to be believable – most people would find nothing else in it still.
The answer was obvious. Should’ve been obvious, always was: after all, that’s why Weaver was here, existed, instead of Skitter. But Taylor’s own suddenly shaky breath informed her that, actually, some things were hard to force herself to do even after everything she went through.
“Don’t know why I bother,” Lisa muttered, obviously picking up on Taylor’s turmoil. “As Aisha would say, I wanna punch you for being like this.”
“Then do it,” Taylor shrugged. “I know for sure you won’t kill me, that’s better than anything I can encounter. Probably won’t even maim me.”
“Fuck you, Taylor,” this time Lisa’s tone was genuine.
“Usually it was me who did all the work,” Taylor replied before she was able to think it through.
Lisa froze for a moment, then raised her head just enough for Taylor to see her profoundly unimpressed face. For the first time this month Taylor’s lips twitched in a semblance of a smile.
“...Yes. Yes, you did,” Lisa murmured after a pause, looking away. “I miss your goddamn touches, Taylor, I miss your sloppy kisses, overly intricate literary metaphors and foolish attempts to disentangle Tattletale from Lisa Wilbourn. But you never wanted to change,” she pressed her finger into Taylor’s chest, “and still don’t.”
“I don’t have time for it.”
“Bullshit.”
“I don’t have time to figure out who I could be either,” Taylor said calmly. “Maybe if I was sure that the world may end in fifteen years instead of two… But we both know it won’t be like that.”
“We don’t know,” Lisa corrected her, “but… It’s hard to believe, I agree. Nevertheless… I’m here today because I love Taylor Hebert,” she sighed. “And she won’t disappear behind a mask if I have anything to say about it. Not today.”
“And I would be fine with not seeing both Tattletale and Lisa here, because she would face less risks that way. But whatever I said, I never could make you take less risks.”
“Can you even comprehend how hypocritical your words are, Tay?”
“Still true.”
“Well, yeah, a normal person wouldn’t be able to fall in love with you,” Lisa shook her head, smiling sadly. “Thankfully, I know that loving me takes the same kind of mental issues. Though even I would think twice before attempting a stunt like yours, Weaver.”
“I… I know, but Dinah said…” Taylor winced.
“I sympathize with her like nobody else, but it took all of my restraint not to strangle her when I learned about that,” Lisa grunted. “Or cut more than fucking ties. Anyway, you fucked up, Taylor. So much that I am having trouble describing it. Unfortunately, you now have the pretense of saving the planet, asshole.”
“Not a pretense,” Taylor frowned. “Never thought that.”
“No,” Lisa admitted, “but it hardly makes it better. And I would be pleased to tell you all about it, in most colorful descriptions, but I can’t be here for that long. And I would prefer to spend this time in some other way. Before you die in the most fucking heroic way imaginable.”
The bitterness in Lisa’s voice did pull at Taylor’s heart strings. She could answer her, could try to defend her decision, could name a few decisions of Lisa’s… But her girlfriend was right in at least one thing.
Lisa yelped, instinctively putting her arms around Taylor’s neck, as Taylor very easily – proper training paid off – picked her up in a bridal carry. Taylor didn’t hear any comments, but the way Lisa after a second or two relaxed and put her head on Taylor’s shoulder meant more than any words. And if that made Taylor slow down just the slightest bit… Well, she didn’t hear any complaints either.
Lisa always liked being carried. Or being taken care of. Receiving a fresh cup of coffee, hearing a reminder about something in real life instead of her information board, having her clothes removed at night… It only took Taylor surviving several death-threatening situations alongside her and trusting Lisa with everything she had, Lisa’s initial interest and feelings and guilt that Lisa always felt, two arguments that would make some people attempt suicide, and Taylor’s usual stubborn continuance to commit to… whatever it was between them. Honestly, not really a lot, as far as Taylor was concerned. The important part was that Lisa trusted her too – even more importantly, she trusted Taylor with letting her take control in some things. Nobody else. And skin contact was never a problem for them after Skitter and Tattletale completed their initial dance, and Lisa and Taylor started to complete each other. As much as was possible.
“Grab my bag, outside the door,” Lisa yawned. “I got you presents. And more letters.”
Taylor silently did just that and walked farther down the corridor, to the elevator. Thankfully, today there was no one who could see them.
“You won’t be cold?” Lisa asked quietly, when the elevator doors closed.
“I’ve got another T-shirt underneath my sweater.”
“Hmm… And you’ve got boots on. Why?”
“I thought of coming up here as it was. To train a little more under unusual circumstances,” Taylor shrugged. “I imagine there will be a lot of all kinds of feedback when the New Year actually comes. Firework explosions are really loud up close even through my bugs.”
“It’s sad,” Lisa noted evenly.
“It’s how things are.”
“Pretty sure that even Alexandria would be nursing a glass of champagne at some big and fancy gala right now, if she was alive. Not being alone on the roof.”
“I think you can guess my opinion about her apt decision-making skills.”
“And she was who she was because their merry band didn’t care and didn’t have anybody to say anything against it.”
“...I wish that caring could change anything for me,” Taylor murmured.
“Are you not tired of trying to carry the weight of the whole fucking world on your back yet, Tay?”
“That question also matters not, Lisa. When Jack Slash comes back, he won’t care if I feel tired. None of them will.”
Taylor wasn’t sure just how many times they both revisited this particular argument with their regurgitated and genuine reasons. This argument changed them both most of all, letting Tattletale shed her purple mask for a moment and forcing Taylor Hebert to put on her armor in every sense of the word. Maybe it was foolish, but they both also knew there were no actual ways out of it – except for letting the world end; letting other people handle it, which meant almost the same for them.
Lisa chose to show how she felt about that at the moment by planting a long, but unexpectedly gentle kiss on the side of Taylor’s mouth. She always made better decisions.
The last floor had an access to the headquarters’ roof, of course, but it was locked and was farther from the elevator than the fire escape. Also Taylor could open the window with one hand, continuing to carry Lisa, so that wasn’t a problem at all.
Taylor didn’t have any big feelings about Chicago, since it wasn’t really her choice, and the city didn’t really change anything. But she could say it wasn’t bad: she liked the alleys, even if she was forced to use butterflies, she almost didn’t miss the refreshing ocean breeze with the local cold winds, she heard there were a lot of things to do… And she had to deal with injuries far less, that too.
She silently put Lisa down and leaned on the railing at the edge of the roof, enjoying the snow crunching under her feet. It was not yet time – about fifty minutes, give or take – but a lot of people already started celebrating the New Year, judging by the fireworks. It was… one of the few things that could make Taylor feel nostalgic for the past, when she could afford to be simply Taylor. When Emma was still Emma. When her mother…
“Well, despite everything,” Lisa put her into a one-armed hug, pressing closer, “I do like the person you became. The one worth following.”
“And I dislike you reading my mind much less,” Taylor hummed. “Actually, maybe even like it. Cuts down on communication problems.”
Another batch of fireworks exploded closer, lighting up the night sky with vibrant colors and painting the glass walls of the surrounding skyscrapers with bright reflections.
“Just a year ago I wondered if I’d be able to power through the school,” Taylor muttered.
“What an eventful year it was, huh?”
“Don’t even know what to say to that,” Taylor chuckled.
“Any regrets? Besides not doing more?”
“Doesn’t everything come down to that?” Taylor said thoughtfully. “But… No, not really, then. In this too,” she added, meeting Lisa’s eyes.
“Behold, romantic confession by Taylor Hebert.” Lisa smiled wryly.
“Do we truly need words?” Taylor shrugged. “I may have some opinions about you being here… But you do know I’d do everything for you.”
“Except trying to care for yourself.”
“Doesn’t caring for yourself more make it more romantic?”
“We’re not in a goddamn book,” Lisa sighed.
“On the contrary, right now…” Taylor trailed off, not being able to resist reaching out and brushing off the snow from Lisa’s bangs.
Unexpectedly, that did make Lisa blush more than a kiss.
“Too bad I don’t have a present for you,” Taylor continued. “And you told me that undressing for you doesn’t count.”
“Eh, I made that rule mostly for myself to remember. It’d be too easy to buy lingerie every time and not bother with anything else,” Lisa snorted and elbowed her lightly. “We have weird standards, I think. I still remember how you brought me a chocolate cake back then, in June, which is kinda nothing for most people.”
“I think I still had three broken ribs that day,” Taylor remarked.
“And most of the city had troubles getting water with the Nine shit, yes. I never figured out how you managed to find it after all.”
“I thought you’d suffer a nervous breakdown unless something remotely good happens. So I really tried.”
“You always were good at projection.”
“Having a clear goal helps,” Taylor chuckled quietly.
“That’s what I was thinking, trying to forget the amount of money I spent on this little trip.” Lisa pulled away for a moment, bending over to reach her bag. “But I wanted to do something for you even more. At least one person in this rotten world should make you feel warm – literally, at least.”
Having said that, Lisa with a sharp movement threw over their shoulders something big and black with blue stripes. It only took a second for Taylor to realize that she really started feeling warmer.
Lisa put an arm around Taylor’s waist and pulled her closer, making them almost nested into one another. Taylor, tugging on the fabric, covered their heads from the snow and rested her own head on Lisa’s.
“Our main present, Tay,” Lisa said softly. “Parian did most of the actual work, but we all were involved, because getting materials is a bitch. So now you have a proper cloak like any self-respecting vigilante, which will keep you warm, dry, partly fireproof and comfortable under any circumstances. It also has a place for some spider silk, of course. And a lot of pockets, if you’re gonna hide weapons in it. Or bugs. I suggested making them soft.”
Taylor wondered what her father would say to this. Or her mother… Though mom probably would appreciate the thought, considering with whom she used to run back in the old days. And the days when Taylor Hebert would prefer something less practical, seemed to be long gone as well.
It was weird. And foolish. And so unlike her that Taylor herself was unwittingly grimacing, mulling over these feelings. The small things… were not a priority, most of the time. And yet she felt her heart fluttering, because she could actually imagine her friends being involved in this, be it Rachel helping with carrying stuff, Brian trying to be serious about the cloak’s looks or Sabah patiently explaining to Aisha that her ideas are not even remotely realistic. She could almost sense their touches on this pleasantly fluffy fabric – maybe for once she could choose not her amazing spider silk.
Fuck, how she missed them.
“Thank you,” Taylor’s voice wavered. “Thank you, Lisa. Thanks to everyone. Tell them, please.”
“Sure thing, darling. Though you could tell them that yourself.”
“And getting half of the Protectorate’s top dogs on our heads? You know what my deal is.”
“Fine, fine, I’ll come up with a plan. Maybe that’ll be a gift for your birthday.”
“Hope we all will still be alive at that point,” Taylor deadpanned.
“That was my Christmas wish,” Lisa replied quietly, looking somewhere into the distance – where all those ordinary people were actually celebrating.
“Mine as well,” Taylor admitted. “Even if I don’t believe in all this. I mean, how can anybody? It’s people who imagine holidays being more important than any other period of time. We give them importance and celebrate…” She raised her hand palm up, watching the snow melt on it. “Yet nothing stops any random genocidal maniac from turning such days into city-wide bloodbaths. How can you be ready for this? Ready enough not to stop celebrating everything else, at least.”
“You cajole. And threaten. And kill. And make tremendous sacrifices. Until all these idiots understand that they have someone who can lead them – and not one of Cauldron fuckers.”
At some point Lisa mostly stopped using her power on Taylor, for she knew her girlfriend inside out, barring, well, emergencies. And right now Taylor wasn’t even sure if Lisa was wrong, linking her words only to her desire to save the world. Taylor would like to think that it wasn’t everything for her… But yes, she wasn’t sure. Her dad probably would think that it was unbearably sad.
“I don’t think I’m ready,” Taylor breathed out. “But that’s not really an excuse, is it?”
“Most people would think it is,” Lisa noted. “You of all people should treat such feelings seriously, considering how many things you did while not feeling ready. And I’ll be waiting,” she added gently.
“You always will.” Taylor smiled. “But… I do think I want this. I want,” she stammered, noticing Lisa’s attentive gaze, “want… to spend some time with you. To celebrate. To talk about trivial things. To drink – and not that shitty moonshine Regent was bringing us back then.”
“I brought a bottle of the best wine in Brockton Bay,” Lisa smirked. “Not that it says much, but…”
“Don’t want to go out?”
“Do you?”
“Fair point. I always liked to watch more.” Taylor glanced at the city skyline.
“And you’re a tight mess of nerves as it is.”
“I don’t want to be,” Taylor said very quietly. “Don’t see a way out.”
“Not with your mask,” Lisa hummed. “It’s fine, Tay. We all are like that. But most capes deserve to take it off much less than you.”
“I hate that I won’t be able to change it.”
“Just a year and half… Then, well, all or nothing. But I trust you to see it through to the end. And then we will properly celebrate everything you achieved,” Lisa whispered, drawing closer to Taylor’s ear. “I promise.”
“I want to believe you,” Taylor replied with the most honest words she could.
“Everybody wants to, but only with you I don’t have to lie at all,” Lisa chuckled. “Light them up for me?”
Lisa took two sparklers and a lighter from her pocket with one hand – apparently, she really didn’t want to remove her other hand from Taylor’s waist. Taylor didn’t want that to happen as well, so she obediently did what was asked, and then grabbed one of them.
The sparklers cracked, showering their faces in captivating bright lights. And while most of the time Taylor’s memories would drag out something extremely terrifying in response to this, right now… Right now she took a deep breath, inhaling the faint sweet floral smell of LIsa’s perfume, and pulled her girlfriend closer, absentmindedly running her fingers over Lisa’s stomach. Right now she had something nice to hide behind from the fears that haunted Weaver every day and every night.
“Not yet the time, but Happy New Year, Lisa,” Taylor murmured. “Really happy, I hope. Maybe I should repeat it every five minutes ‘till it really-”
The abrupt – and very deep – kiss interrupted her uncertain phrase, and Taylor was all too glad for that, allowing herself to forget all her worries and let her pain melt away, if only just for a moment. For the moment when she was able to actually imagine a better world and a better life.
Feeling Lisa’s lips on her own was still the most pleasant feeling Taylor has ever experienced.
“Happy New Year, Taylor,” Lisa answered huskily when she pulled away, making Taylor’s blood run blazing hot. “And even if not… We’ll get through this, my love. We always do.”