Chapter Text
[You were with your friends, partying, then the alcohol kicked in. 】
Zoro clenched his jaw.
What the fuck is happening?
"- Stop staring at me, fag." Sanji snarled at him.
How did that happen? How could he go from taking him away on dates, sleeping at each other's place, making love…to calling him slurs, and humiliating him in public?
Zoro couldn't help but stare at him, distraught, confused, upset.
Sanji closed the gap between them, shoving him violently.
"- I said stop staring, faggot. You really think I could be into you?" The blond snickered.
Sanji reeked of alcohol, his tongue was heavy, speech slurred.
"- I'm not a fucking cocksucker like you."
The blond hit his chest multiple times, anger seemed to pour out of every pore of his body. Zoro was frozen, the situation made no sense. The tan-skinned man searched Sanji's gaze, trying to understand what was going on.
The blond carefully avoided it, because the one second their eyes met he felt himself wince. The distress on Zoro’s face felt like a kick in the stomach.
"- What the fuck is wrong with you, Sanji?" Nami growled.
"- Come on, Zoro, we're leaving."
The green-haired man's throat was in a knot, Nami pulled him by the arm. Zoro followed, absent. His spirit, but more importantly his heart was broken.
He sat in the red-head's car, staring absently into the void.
"- I don't understand. Everything was going great. I don't get it. I don't get it. " His voice faded as the sentence progressed.
He took his head in his hands, breath short, nose stinging. It was a nightmare. A fucking nightmare.
"-I don't get it." he repeated once more.
"- Nami, why?”
"- Forget him, Zoro, he's a homophobic douchebag. You deserve better. He's lucky you kept your mouth shut.”
“- I'd never out him…Who knows what would happen? He was a huge jerk…but outing him is unacceptable. " He replied, absently.
" - You're right. " She sighed.
He replayed the memories of the last three months. Their relationship was going great, Sanji was slowly accepting being seen in public. They held hands, even kissed in public. Sure it only happened when they were hours away from town, but that was still something.
Nami drove him home and stayed the night. Zoro barely slept that night, actually, he barely slept the following weeks. He barely left the house, only to work or when his friends forced him out.
2 months later.
His mood was getting better, he was still heartbroken, but he was back on Grindr, having meaningless sex with meaningless strangers. That kept him from thinking, a new man every night, sometimes multiple a day.
That night he was out with Luffy and Law.
"- It's nice having you with us tonight, Zoro-ya.”
“- Yeaaaah! We missed you, how are you doing?”
“- Okay, I guess. Yeah, it's good to see you too."
They joked around and chatted for hours. During that whole time, he felt light. He was enjoying himself, and decided to cancel his dates for the night. Being around friends felt good, and tonight he wasn't just physically there, he was present. Chopper and Usopp joined them later.
The band was planning on meeting the following day with the girls. They wanted to spend the day at the beach. Zoro was excited, they planned on playing beach volleyball, going snorkelling. Outdoor activities with people he loved, what more could he ask for?
[You just went too far, wrecked your car, called me crying in the dark. Now you're breaking my heart.]
Suddenly, Zoro's phone started vibrating frantically in his pocket. He took the device out.
Curl'
Curl'
Curl'
Curl'
The phone was now ringing. Why hadn't he blocked his number? He shouldn't reply. He should decline the call, enjoy his night with his friends, and forget about that douchebag.
"- I'll be right back guys."
Of course he couldn't. Sanji called and he came running.
"- What do you want, Sanji?" His tone was dry.
Sanji was sobbing, throat tight, trying to calm himself. The green-haired man started panicking, the blond contacted him, crying in the middle of the night.
"- Curl, calm down. Tell me what's going on?
“- I…Car accident…I didn't know what to do. I need you. I didn't know who to call. I'm sorry."
Zoro clenched his teeth, Sanji's speech seemed slurred. The moron was drunk.
"- I'm sorry I don't know why I called y—"
“- Where are you? I'm coming to get you. Stay where you are.”
“- I…No don't.”
“- You fucking called me, I'm coming. Where are you?"
The chef sent him his location, Zoro stormed into the bar. He grabbed his stuff, and rushed out, throwing a "Something came up, I'll see you tomorrow."
He drove to his ex-(boy)friend. On his way, he tried to understand the situation. What was he doing in the middle of the night, drunk, fifty minutes from home, driving on a narrow road near a cliff?
When he arrived, Sanji was sitting against his car, still sobbing. He shouldn't have called the kendo teacher. Zoro deserved better than helping someone who had been awful to him, but at that moment, he was the only person he wanted to see. He had failed his suicide attempt, and one of the only people who made him want to live was the green-haired man. He'd try again soon, but he just needed to hear him one more time. He didn't plan on seeing his face once more before leaving.
The door slammed shut, Zoro rushed to him.
"- Hey."
Zoro crouched, analyzing his face and body, looking for injuries.
"- Tha…Thank you.”
“- What happened?”
“- I hit the security railing by accident.”
“- By accident? Are you shitting me? You're fucking drunk. I knew you were stupid, but suicidal?”
“- It was a mistake, I didn't…”
“- Stop lying to me, you're in the middle of nowhere, near a cliff, you reek of alcohol. What the fuck?”
“- I just…I had an errand to run.”
“- Fine, just keep lying."
The blond had multiple bruises on his face, his lower lip was nicked, still healing. After a few minutes, he realised that those bruises weren't fresh, some were yellow, purple.
"- What happened to you?”
“- I…I fell down the stairs two weeks ago. It's nothing."
Zoro clenched his jaw.
"- You call me, I drive almost an hour just to get lied to?”
“- I… I know…I shouldn't have called you."
“- That's not the point." He snarled.
"- Come on, get in the car." Zoro sighed.
He helped the cook up, Sanji could barely stand. Zoro was furious, he sat the cook down and took his spot behind the wheel. Sanji couldn't look at him. Every glance at him was painful.
He had broken both of their hearts. As always, he had ruined everything.
"- Can you take me at Reiju’s, please?”
“- Reiju? Why?”
“- I've moved in with her.”
“- Why? I'm not taking you there, we're going to the hospital."
Sanji looked out the window, he clenched his jaw and winced from the pain.
"- I lost my job, momentarily. I can't afford rent anymore. " He lied.
Well, it wasn't a complete lie, but the most important reason was that he wasn't safe at his place.
"- I'm fine Moss', I don't need to get checked out.”
“- I don't give a fuck about your opinion, I came all the way here to help you. I'm taking you whether you want it or not."
Sanji started sobbing again, which made the pain in his ribs flare. This was the worst night of his life. He choked, not the worst, but it was definitely in his top ten.
"- I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm a monster, and yet you're here. I don't deserve your time.”
“- Yeah you don't, but I can't just abandon you."
His whole body hurt, yet he rolled into a ball.
"- Hey, don't fall asleep.”
“- Told you I'm okay.
“- We don't know that."
Silence filled the interior of the car.
Zoro periodically checked on the cook, making sure he didn't pass out. They had to stop, Sanji vomited. Zoro held his hair. He held his fucking hair.
The blond felt awful, the knot in his stomach —and the possibily broken ribs— was ripping him apart. He was worthless, he didn't deserve anything, especially not Zoro's attention. The kendo instructor gave him water and they went back on their way.
Zoro parked at the hospital, Sanji unfastened his seat belt and tried to get out of the car, thanking him profusely.
The green-haired man didn't respond. Instead, he got out, helped him out and locked the car.
"- What are you doing?”
“- Coming with you.”
“- Don't. It's okay. I'm here now, I'll go to the ER by myself.”
“- With the shit you just pulled up? I don't trust you, Sanji. I don't care what you think or want right now. I'm coming with you.” Zoro said furious.
The man was a fricking angel. Or maybe just awfully stupid. Or maybe he was —still— in love. They headed to the ER, Zoro supporting him. They sat down, a few other people were in waiting.
"- How you feeling?”
“- Grateful."
Zoro smiled.
"- That's the first intelligent thing you've said all night."
This got a smile out of Sanji. The kendo teacher glanced at him. His own smile disappeared, his heart sinking in his chest. Under the cold hospital light, he could see everything.
He looked nothing like the man he knew. He had lost weight, his cheeks were creased. The size of the dark circles underlining his blue eyes was unbelievable, his skin was pale, yellowish even. There was no light in those irises. He looked hollowed, dead. Zoro clenched his jaw, with the light he could see more bruises than he noticed before. His face was completely discolored, and there was some faint mark around his neck leaving no question about what had happened.
Sanji shifted his face away.
"- Curl', what's going on?
- I'm just tired, I fell down the stairs at Reiju's.
- Why do you keep lying to me?
- Why do you care?" Sanji said it softly, curious.
Because even after all of that, I still love you.
"- You're a dickhead, you don't deserve my time. But somehow I still care about you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for me." Zoro replied, in an irritated tone.
Sanji nodded, letting out a dry laugh. He swiftly glanced at the green-haired man. The words were in total contradiction with the softness and the worry creasing Zoro's face.
"- Vinsmoke Sanji."
The chef flinched at his last name, it didn't go unnoticed by Zoro. The cook never talked about his family, he knew his mother died when he was a teen, that he had three bothers but that was it. Of course, he had met Zeff, and heard a lot about Reiju, but no one else.
"- Thank you for everything Moss’. I won't cause you any trouble, anymore. I'll send you money for the ga —"
Zoro snickered.
"- If you think I'm gonna leave you here, you're even stupider than I thought."
Tears filled Sanji's eyes, he smiled.
Zoro's heart skipped a beat, but his stomach churned. What happened to him? he looked broken. Sanji was always broken, crippled by anxiety, but not like this. Not that bad. The green-haired man knew from the start that he was damaged. Zoro didn't care, he loved him nonetheless. However, he had never seen him as distraught—destroyed—as he was now.
The nurse settled him in a booth.
"- So, Mr Vin”
“- Please, don't call me that. Call me Sanji or anything but that." He pleaded
"- So, Sanji, tell me what happened.”
“- I…was drunk, drove into a railing. My…he brought me here, I'm okay but he didn't want to listen to me.”
“- Sir, you don't look okay. He was right bringing you here. Look, you don't have to give me every detail, but I need to know everything that would be relevant to taking care of you."
He looked down. Everything? Where should he even start. Was getting beaten up by his brothers relevant?
"- Sir, I have to ask…is this a situation of domestic violence?”
“- What?”
“- The man in the waiting room, did he hurt you?"
A dry laugh escaped Sanji's throat, quickly turning into sobs.
The woman stared at him, patiently. She handed him a tissue, giving him time to collect himself.
"- That man? He is a fucking saint. I've been awful to him, he did nothing to deserve it. He's the one who brought me here. It's not him…”
“- You don't have to tell me more, just know that everything you say in here is confidential. It'll be put in your file, but no one except you and the medical staff here can access it. You're an adult, so even if you tell me who did that to you, I can't report them without your consent."
Sanji stared at his hands, then his forearms. The yellow bruises didn't hurt that much anymore, unlike his thoracic cage. The remaining pain came from flashbacks of the aggression, the pure terror he felt. He thought he was going to die there, too. The terror of being left for dead. Just like his mother.
"- You're not telling anyone? " He murmured, worried.
His brows were furrowed with worry, he could barely maintain eye contact.
“- I promise I'm not.”
“- It was my brothers. They jumped me.”
She nodded, her heart sank. She could only imagine the pain and the agonizing terror he might have felt. She suspected why it happened and she felt sick. No one deserved that, not from their own family or anyone. Especially not just for loving someone.
"- Would tell me where you got hurt?”
“- Everywhere." His tone was flat.
As he said it out loud, he was brought back to the assault. His body froze. He was dissociating and started to word vomit everything about the aggression.
When she noticed that he was slipping out, she tried to stop him. She explained to him that he didn't have to tell her more. She wanted to keep him from reliving the trauma.
Unfortunately, he wasn't there anymore. He kept on going, completely ignoring her.
He explained how they baited him, insulted him, and spat on him while punching and kicking him, letting out all their pre-existing hatred for him.
How they kept going at him when he collapsed on the floor, barely able to breathe. He managed to roll into a ball, which probably saved his life.
She didn't have time to interrupt him. He carried on, his tone still flat, deprived of any affect. Like he was telling her about the time he lost his keys. At that point he didn't even feel in his body anymore. He was watching himself from afar, unable to stop the words from pouring out of his mouth.
He told her about the pain that disappeared when he realised he was probably going to die. Then the acceptance that it was the end. After all, he deserved it, and everything would be over soon. The thought comforted him in a twisted way.
He sighed, then laughed.
"- I wasn't even relieved when my sister saved me. Crazy, right? I should have died on that day."
He added that he hadn't been sleeping or eating much for a month, maybe more and that the binge drinking had started after the assault.
The laughter came back, cynical, it sounded wrong. It was painful to hear, no one should have to go through that.
"- And now I'm here because I'm such a fuck-up that I didn't even manage to kill myself. Can you believe it?"
The woman in front of him clenched her jaw. She was furious and terribly sad for this young man. She felt powerless and upset about how she handled the interaction. She had inadvertently pushed him back into a horrendously traumatic event.
Her throat was in a knot, he was just a kid. He was only twenty-two years old for fuck's sake. The thought of the violence probably starting long ago turned her inside upside down. She took a deep breath, and on a soft voice she reassured him that he was safe here. That no one would be called unless he wanted to. She offered him water, but he barely took a sip. He thanked her, still deprived of any emotion.
"- The doctor is going to come very soon. We'll see if you need further check-ups. I'm going out just a quick minute to let him know.
- Okay. Thanks."
She turned back and then stopped at the door.
"- Do you want me to call your friend in the waiting room?"
He stared at the ground. His whole body was screaming "yes".
Yes.
He needed him more than anything, right now. He needed to feel safe. Zoro made him feel safe.
"- I…I don't deserve him."
She let go of the door handle and stepped closer. He was logorrheic again, but the emotions were back. Stronger this time, he sniffled every three words, his voice going up and down from the pain.
"- That man. That fucking man. I don't deserve him. And yet when I called, he came. He fucking came, you know? I didn't even have to plead. He immediately asked me where I was and he drove a fucking hour for me.”
He could barely breathe, and gasped for air, every two words, pain flaring from his ribs every time.
“- In fact I broke his heart. I've humiliated him, in front of everyone. I called him slurs. When he had been nothing but good to me. I've never felt so alive as I did by his side, but I couldn't… you know? What if they found out…"
He paused before adding : "Well, they did anyway." Once again, he laughed dryly, tears blurring his vision yet again.
"- Thank God they didn't attack him. I couldn't have him getting hurt because of me. Or worse he could have beaten them up, but they're untouchable. He would probably be in jail right now if he knew. I can't call him, I can't just keep meddling with his life. Hurt him. Again. Again. And agai— ag—."
He started hyperventilating, overwhelmed by everything—the assault, the break-up, the failed suicide attempt. He pulled on his hair, desperately trying to get a grip on reality. The nurse immediately reacted. She took time to ground him, helping him breathe properly, pulling him back to the present. After a moment he was able to breathe correctly, she hoped the doctor would be free soon, because Sanji clearly needed anxiolytics and pain killers, but her hands were tied without him.
The nurse pursed her lips, taking a moment, choosing each word carefully. She genlty squeezed his hands.
"- Look, it's not my place to tell you what to do. I know nothing about you and even less about him. But from what I'm seeing, there's someone in the waiting room for you. I'm pretty sure he hasn't moved since we left. The only thing I'm asking you is: do you need to be alone, or do you want someone here with you?"
She didn't say a word about the fact that she wouldn't leave him alone for more than a minute. He had just tried to kill himself, the second she left another staff member would replace her. So ultimately, he wouldn't be alone, but she would feel more comfortable if Zoro were there. He would bring him something that none of the staff could.
He sniffled and rubbed his face.
"- I…Yeah…Please call him."
She took out her phone and rang her colleague. A few minutes later, Zoro knocked.
"- I'll leave you, the doctor will come as soon as possible. We'll check up on you periodically, but please ring if you need anything. You're not going to bother us, I promise." She smiled softly.
"-I'll come check up on you regularly anyway."
Sanji nodded and Zoro thanked her. She closed the door and the green-haired man leaned against it.
"- How you’ doing?”
“- Pretty great, thanks.”
“- Do you really need to be a dick, Curl'?"
Sanji's lower lip wavered.
"- I'm sorry.”
“- Yeah."
He lifted his gaze, meeting Zoro's.
"- No, I mean I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said—"
“- Yeah, you shouldn't have." the green-haired man replied dryly.
The silence filled the room. Thick. Heavy. Crushing. The weight on the blond's shoulder just kept increasing, somehow managing to trample his insides.
The kendo instructor stared at him. Who was this man? He certainly wasn't the one he knew. What had happened during those two months? Zoro was dreading the answer to this question.
"- What happened to you, Curl?"
The chef's gaze fled. He couldn't tell him. He shouldn't tell him.
"- Look, I'm not gonna force it out of you." He said softly.
Fucking stupid selfish cook.
He took a few steps, dragged the chair and straddled the chair.
"- What I want, I really want to know… fuck, Curl. Maybe it's not the right moment, but we're here. So tell me, I don't understand what happened. I thought we were happy. I thought it meant something to you. Then you broke up with me, in the worst possible way. You disappear. And two months later you call me after trying to kill yourself. What the hell, Curl?"
Sanji's whole body was a knot at that point. He couldn't tell where it started or where the knot ended. If it had an end.
"- I don't understand.”
“- Why did you come?" Sanji blurted out, still carefully avoiding his gaze.
"- You want to know?
“- Yeah, that makes no sense…I don—"
“- Then look at me.”
“- I can't…”
“- You can't? or you don't want to?"
The blond involuntarily looked back at him. His body reacted before his brain could have a say. Of course he wanted to look at him. He was the only thing that really mattered right now.
Zoro scrutinized his face. His heart was aching. He loved him so much, seeing him like that hurt more than the break-up ever did.
Sanji had great trouble looking him. It was painful, the man he loved was staring at him, face creased with worry and sadness. All of this was his fault, because that's the only thing he was able to do : fuck up and hurt people.
I should be dead. Why am I still here? I shouldn't have called him. I should have been strong and just fucking jumped. Just jump and everyone would be at peace.
"- I came because I wanted to, because I care about you.”
“- Why?" Sanji replied in a heartbeat, he looked utterly confused.
"- Why what?"
[Listen to yourself, think you need to get some help]
Zoro's question took him by surprise, and every thought in his brain came pouring out of his mouth.
"- Why would you care about me? I'm nothing. I'm trouble in a nice packaging. I'm a worthless coward. I don't deserve a second of your time. Even from the start I didn't. I don't even understand how you could have ever wanted to date me?" Sanji scoffed.
"- I'm nothing. I'm not interesting or particularly intelligent, or funny. I'm broken. I'm a broken piece of shit, I manipulated you into thinking that I was actually worth your time. But I don’t. I'm nothing, I'm just a hollowed shell, pretending to be a human." Sanji sniffled, trying to catch his breath before continuing.
Zoro was paralyzed, Sanji self-deprecated from time to time. Never so violently, never so raw, he wasn't prepared to hear that. The suffering in Sanji's voice, was agonizing, and he stood there staring at the blond; powerless.
"- But I'm not. I'm not, I'm not. I'm a monster. I'm not good enough for you, or for anyone else. I should have died tonight. The world it—it would be better off without me. I don't deserve to live. I should have died a long time ago. I should have died before meeting you, so I would have never inconvenienced you. You would be better off, I wouldn't have tricked you into a relationship."
Sanji wasn't in control, all his insecurities and the lies he had been fed were flowing out of his mouth. He was caught in a rushing stream and couldn't stop his course.
"- Cur—"
“- I don't understand why you're still here. I don't get it, how did I fool you that well? Don't you see it? Don't you see that I'm nothing but an excuse of a person? I ruin everything I touch, I'm garbage. Why are you here Zoro? Why are you wasting your time here? Why? Why are you still here? I'm pathetic. I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I don't matter, and I surely shouldn't matter to you. I shouldn't have had called you, that was unfair of me. I called you because I'm a selfish piece of shit. You didn't deserve all my bullshit. I'm a monster. I'm terrible, and if you knew everything about me, you'd understand. But I fed you so many lies, I pretended to be a good person, so well, so damn well that you believed it, and I almost convinced myself that I was. But I'm not I'm useless and worthles—"
“- Shut up. Stop talking for me. Stop saying all those bullshits about yoursel—"
“- It's not bullshit. It's the tru—."
Zoro stood up and started pacing, trying his best to stay calm. He knew Sanji was depressed, he didn't care about it. He loved him, and was nothing but supportive. The blond was so much more than his problems. Marimo was upset, hearing him say such horrible—untrue— things about himself, made Zoro lose his cool.
"- See, that's how you should react. You see it now? Be mad at me. Scream at me. Hate me. I deserve it, after all I've done, I deserve all of it. I deserve your anger, I deserve your hatred.
“- Oh my god, shut up! Just shut up Sanji!" Zoro raised his voice.
The cook flinched, and Zoro immediately softened, taking a few steps back. The last thing he wanted was to scare him.
"- I'm sorry I shouldnt have reacted like this…but Curl’ .I can't stand hearing you speaking so ill of yourself.
“- I don't understand why. It's just the tr—"
“- Stop that. It's not the truth.”
“- And how would you know? I've lied, I played a part, manipulated you. That's what I do. Why can't you see it?”
“- I know you Curl."
“- No, you don't, 'cause if you knew me you wouldn't be here. You would be far away from me. You would be better off. You wouldn't be in the ER at 4 in the morning. You only know what I told you."
The nurse knocked and opened the door.
"- The doctor should be coming soon. Do you need anything?"
Zoro stood up.
"- I'll wait outside.
"- No, don't…" he said, staring at Zoro.
He looked back at the nurse : "It's okay, thank you. We'll be waiting."
The woman left, and Zoro sat back. He sighed, he knew some people would have run away. and gotten as far away as possible from the blond. Yet he couldn't, he didn't even want to.
"- Curl, listen to me.
- But—
- Let me talk. I don't know what happened to you. I don't know who told you those things about yourself, but it's not true."
The chef's mouth opened, but Zoro’s gaze intensified and he stayed quiet.
"- You're a wonderful perso—"
Sanji snickered.
"- Stop that. Stop it. You're driving me crazy. Stop listening to your own bullshit, thinking it's the truth when it's not.”
He rubbed his face, trying his best to suppress his anger. Sanji didn’t need that, he was in enough distress.
“- Stop acting like you know better than me what I think about you. You're caring. You're always there for the people you love. Hell, you're even nice and empathetic to strangers. You're sweet, soft and you listen.”
Zoro’s gaze was tender, but carried deep sadness. It pained him so much when he spitted out those monstruous things about himself. He was so many things, so many good things.
“- I mean : you really listen, to the point where you've memorized little details. Little details that you use to bring joy around you. I've never met someone like you Curl."
The blond stared at him, baffled, confused, dizzy.
"- That person…its not me. You think it is, but inside I'm just a monster and I play my part so good you believed it."
Zoro rubbed his face.
"- You're wasting your time Zoro, you should go.”
“- Why are you pushing me away?"
The blond choked.
"- Because it's better like that. I'm dangerous. You deserve better.”
“- Dangerous? What are you talking about? You’ve captured the mouse in your flat, you insisted on going to the forest to release it, but first you had to make that it would be able to survive in nature.”
“- That doesn't mean anything. That doesn’t mean I'm a good person.
- Do you hear yourself?"
The kendo instructor's brain was stuck on the "dangerous" part.
"- Why do you think you're dangerous?"
Sanji rubbed his hands on his lap, uneasy.
"- No reason. I just am.
- No, tell me. I want to know. Let me decide for myself.
- I ruin everything I touch, the people I love get hurt be— "
The sobs were back, Zoro watched him carefully, he wanted to get closer but didn't dare.
Until.
Until Sanji started having trouble breathing.
Anxiety attack.
Zoro grabbed the pale hands. He didn't even think about calling the staff.
"- Hey, hey, Curl’. Listen to me. We're gonna do like we usually do."
It had already happened before. The first time, Zoro was terrified, he didn't know what to do, he was grateful that Chopper was around to handle it. After that he spent a whole afternoon with his friends just to learn about anxiety and how to help.
They followed the 54321 method, and after a while Sanji was able to breathe properly. Well, as good as he could with the pain in his chest.
Zoro couldn't help himself amymore. He couldn't stand seeing him like this. He moved to sit behind Sanji on the examination table. He wrapped his arms around the blond’s waist, his chest pressed against the chef's back.
"- I'm here Curl. Let's focus on your breathing."
Five minutes later, the doctor entered the room.
"- I'll wait outside."
He leaned against the wall. Some people would have ran away. Not Zoro. He wasn't afraid of all that.
Worried? Awfully.
Afraid? Not one bit.
Sanji could paint himself as a monster all he wanted, that still didn't make it true.
It was definitely not the time and place, yet he couldn’t help himself but wonder : Did Sanji want him? Because if he didn't he'd leave him alone, of course he'd check up on him. But he'd try to move on.
He couldn't force the cook to want him, nor to want to get better, but he'd sure do everything he could to be there and help.
After forty minutes the doctor left the room. Zoro knocked and went in, he sat near the cook.
"- So…
- I've probably got some cracked ribs. Oh, and I'm a nut case.
- We already knew that." He said on a soft tone, with a benevolent grin.
This cracked a smile on Sanji's face.
"- Dumbass. They're keeping me for the night. I'll see a psychiatrist tomorrow, I'll probably get hospitalized." He sighed.
He was too tired to protest, to tired to try and leave. Beside he was almost certain that the staff would refuse to discharge him, and he didn’t have the stomach to face Reiju right now.
Sanji was transferred in a single person bedroom a few minutes later. Zoro followed and sat down in the armchair near the bed. Immediately he reached for the blond's hand. Sanji let him, comforted by the contact. He was exhausted from the adrenaline, the pain and the crying, he didn't have the strength nor the will to push him away.
Zoro took a deep breath before speaking.
"- Look, I'm not asking you to make any decision right now, but I need you to know that I'm here. I'm here for you. I know you're broken. I knew from the start and I'm okay with that. Well, not okay with you being broken, but I care about you broken or not. Your past doesn't scare me. You don’t scare me. Whatever you say, I know the real you. I don't know what led you to think all those bullshits about yourself, but it's false. And even if you've hurt me…I can't not be there for yo—"
Sanji's heart was pounding in his chest, Zoro was so sweet, so understanding. He was perfect. An angel. A fucking saint. Maybe he did deserve to know. Hell, he wanted him to know that he didn't hate him, that he had lied.
He needed to apologize properly, so he interrupted him.
"- I lied.
- What?
- I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have done that. On that night, I lied, it wasn't against you."
Zoro didn't say a word. A snarky comment about how it "did seem against him" wasn't the best thing to say right now.
"- I…I was scared, for you. For me. My family is all kinds of fucked up. Please don't get mad."
The green-haired man was confused, he was already mad about all this. Why would he get even mo— that's when it hit him.
"I'm dangerous", "I ruin everything I touch", "People I love always end up hurt."
White burning rage coursed through his veins. His own family. His own family. His own fucking family.
"- It was them." Zoro did his best to repress his anger, but the tension was palpable.
"- Please, don't get mad.
- I'm not mad at you Curl, I'm furious about what they did to you.
- I know, that's why I ended things like that. I thought…"
The nursed knocked, Sanji told her to come in. She explained to him that they were going to put a drip because he was dehydrated, and that she was going to give him some sedatives and painkillers so he could sleep.
Sanji protested.
"- Come on Curl', you have to sleep.
- But—
- I can stay, if you want me."
He looked at the nurse, asking : "Can I?"
"- If he wants to, I see no problem."
Sanji nodded shyly. She gave him the sedative, left, and came back a few minutes later with a camp bed and some sheets.
"- Once again, I can't stress this enough. If you need anything : ring. Whether it's because you're in pain, in distress or just hungry. Okay?"
The door closed. Zoro didn't want to go back to the conversation they were having. He was furious and seriously considering beating the shit out the Vinsmoke.
"- Promise me you won't do anything stupid. My dad, he is influential, you'll end in jail for just showing up at his place. This is a fight you cannot win. You said you were here, if I needed you. I need you.
- Fine.” Zoro grunted, still fuming inside.
“- Thank you Moss'."
The cook yawned, and rolled on his side, wincing from the pain in his ribs. Worry spread on Zoro's face.
"- It's okay. I'm okay, Moss."
The blond pulled his arm closer to his chest, bringing Zoro's hand along. The sedative was starting to do its work.
"- You're a saint Moss. I don't understand why you're doing all of this for me…but I'm grateful.
- Tsk, we'll talk about this later. Get some rest Curl.
- You'll be there when I wake up, right?
- Of course."
Zoro was still in the armchair. Sanji seemed so comfortable holding his hand, that he didn't have the heart to move. Instead, he placed his free arm on the bed and rested his head on it. For the first time in weeks, they gladly welcomed sleep.
Zoro woke up to the sound of Sanji whining, he looked distressed. He placed his hand on top of the blond's head, stroking his hair.
"- Hey, Curl. It's me. Wake up, Curly."
The chef's eyes difficulty faltered opened.
"- You're here." Sanji said, in a sleepy voice.
"- Told you I would.”
- Thank you."
Instinctively, he kissed the back of Sanji’s hand before letting it go. He froze when he realized what he had just done. On the other hand, the blond stared at him surprised.
"- Sorry. It—I—And the—"
A tender smile appeared on the chef's face. For the first time since yesterday, Sanji looked like the man he knew.
"- Don't. Don't be sorry."
Sanji glanced away.
"- I missed you terribly, Zoro."
The blond's lower lip quivered.
Maybe it was going too fast. Maybe it wasn't the right time to get involved with the cook. Sanji had grazed death just a few hours ago, so for now, Zoro couldn't care less.
"- Scout over Curl."
The blond penibly moved. Zoro lied next to him, and he raised his arm, gesturing for Sanji to rest his head on his chest. He placed his arm back around the cook. He kissed the top of his skull.
"- I missed you too, moron."
Sanji laughed. A real laugh, it warmed Zoro up. For a moment they almost forgot where they were and why they were here.
By the end of the morning, Sanji had had another blood check, an x-ray and seen both doctors. He did have cracked ribs, and would be transferred in the psychiatric department as soon as a room was available.
Zoro was back when the last doctor left, Sanji's brows were furrowed as he stared at his phone.
"-Something's wrong?
- I have to call Reiju.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- I'll give you som—
- Don't. We'll except if you need to leave.
- I'm making a call real quick, I'll be right back Curl’."
Sanji watched him leave, he was still dumbfounded by Zoro's presence. Even more by his behavior, his softness, the tenderness in his eye when he looked at him. He didn't deserve any of it. He wasn't even doing anything to deserve it, yet Zoro was still there for him.