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To Walburga Black,
I know you're not a fan of me, which is okay, because honestly I'm not a fan of you either. You're a narcissistic, abusive, manipulative, racist, sexist, homophobic piece of shit and I hope your death is something painful. But that's hardly the point.
I've got both your sons now, they're mine, you're not getting them back.
Go fuck yourself,
James
Proud homosexual
- - -
To Walburga Black,
Regulus smiled for the first time today, it was beautiful. See you wouldn't know that because you're an absolute asshole who never wanted to see your children happy.
James
Muggle lover
- - -
To Walburga Black,
We were all a little drunk last night and Sirius and Regulus started arguing but after a little bit they just started wrestling. Regulus was giggling and he sounded so happy and carefree and after he started Sirius ended up laughing too. I think they just fought and laughed and bickered for half an hour, completely ignored the rest of us.
Have you ever heard your sons laugh together? I don't think you have. I don't think you've ever seen them be happy to be together.
Your kids never hated each other. You tore them apart, you forced them to fight just to survive. You forced them to hurt each other to stay safe.
I think that may have been the most monstrous thing you ever did to them.
James
- - -
To Walburga Black
Just a reminder that you're a terrible human being
James
- - -
To Walburga Black
Did you ever find out that I was Sirius’s first kiss? Thought you'd find that interesting.
James
Stealing heterosexuality since 1972
- - -
To Walburga Black
What's it like being married to your cousin? Weird I bet. Would probably be even weirder being married to a monster. You should ask your husband about it.
James
- - -
To James of the House of Potter
This is your only warning to cease sending me these pointless letters. Should you fail to do so the consequences would be beyond your comprehension.
Walburga
The Most Ancient And Noble House Of Black
- - -
To Walburga of the Most Dickhead Filled and Shitty House of Black
I will wait at home for these consequences you speak of. Maybe while I wait a fuck will fall into my lap so I can give it to you.
James
- - -
To Walburga Black
Regulus broke a cup today. And we fixed it. With a charm. In 30 seconds. Which is a reasonable reaction. He cried for an hour because he was so terrified someone was going to hurt him.
You're a dick.
James
Apparently the first decent human your sons met
- - -
To Walburga Black
Your ass is so fucking racist.
James
- - -
To Walburga Black
At this point I'm just hoping to bother you. Anyways, enjoy the glitter I included in this one, I made sure you can't use spells to clean it up.
James
The world's sparkliest fucking homosexual
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To Walburga Black
Another glitter letter you fucking dumbass.
James
The world's second sparkliest fucking homosexual (Sirius found my glitter and stole the title)
- - -
To Walburga Black
Bet you didn't know I also slept with Sirius. Take that bitch.
I mean so has Remus, and he does it on a much more regular basis, but I did it first.
James
- - -
James of the House of Potter
Stop.
Walburga
Of The Most Ancient And Noble House Of Black
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To Walburga Black, Grimmaulds Resident Dickhead
No.
James
- - -
To Walburga Black
Sirius is wearing a dress today. It's black and glittery and he has matching heels and you can see his ass when he bends over. He looks very pretty. And very queer.
Congrats, you raised a fag.
James
- - -
To Walburga Black
Hey. Hey bitch. I have successfully fucked both of your sons. Your husband is next.
James
- - -
To Walburga Black
To elaborate on yesterday's letter I am now dating Regulus. I love him more than you ever did, not that it's hard, and will continue to love him for the rest of our lives. Any advice on wedding rings? I'll give you advice about buying sex toys in return, that way you can go fuck yourself.
James
- - -
To James Potter
I cannot fathom how you keep getting these letters to me, especially after I put up wards to prevent such things. However I do recommend you stop as you have truly gotten on my very last nerve. Just as there are ways for you to get things into my house, there are ways for me to get into yours.
As for Regulus I should have expected as much from someone who can betray their family after they did so much for them. I made him into what he is today, I taught him every single thing he knows, and he will always be my son, no matter how much he and you wish to argue that fact. Inform him that he is a disappointment of the family and that me and his father are both incredibly angry.
My husband will not be next as he has not lowered himself to the standards that you have.
I truly am appalled at what the Potter family has become, I remember when it was still a proper Pure House. Unfortunately it appears that your family decides to stray further and further from the right ways as the days pass.
Again, I tell you to stop these foolish letters as they do nothing more than put you at risk.
Walburga
Of The Most Ancient And Noble House Of Black
- - -
To Walburga Black
No, I will not stop sending letters. And I have my ways.
The only thing you made Regulus into is traumatized. The fact that you believe you had anything to do with creating the wonderful person he is today is baffling to me. I do not understand it. And I doubt you taught him much more than you're a horrible person because I can't see you sitting him down and teaching him to ride a dick, something he's quite proficient in by the way, and most everything else Sirius taught him.
And I will not be telling him anything you say because he is safe now and doesn't need to be reminded of his past. Nor do I think your opinion is worth anything.
The Potter House has been, and will continue to be, a much better family than yours or any of the other remaining twenty eight. We will continue to leave these “right ways” in hope of being decent people.
I hope you enjoyed the glitter, if you look closely they're shaped like mini dicks. I thought you'd appreciate having a bunch of mini yous since that's what you tried to make Sirius and Regulus into.
James
Done with your bullshit
- - -
To Wally
Sirius says you hate being called that so that's exclusively what I'll be referring to you as. Wally the bitch. Wally the incestuous asshole. Wally the abusive prick. Wally the racist. It just rolls off the tongue.
Regulus and Sirius went out last night and came back with belly button piercings. No one really knows where they came from but they look sexy as hell. I think Remus and Sirius have already shagged over it and Regulus is tired but we'll fuck soon.
Speaking of Regulus being tired. Eating disorders. Did you get three for free and give them all to him? Seriously? You don't limit what a child eats or shame them for it. You don't tell him he's too fat when he's actually just skin and bones. You definitely don't convince him that if he eats certain foods he's going to get sick and die. We sat together the other day and he had like three panic attacks because he was convinced eating a strawberry was going to kill him. Spoiler alert, they're not. Asshole.
I actually thought I'd seen it all with Sirius but this is next level. Do you know Sirius has been suicidal for like three years? Oh wait, yes you do, I just remembered. You found out and told him to get on with it already. Silly me for forgetting.
I think I could rant for ages but I have a very cute boyfriend to cuddle and kisses to steal.
James
Your future son in law
- - -
To Wally
You're a bitch.
James
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To Wally
We're getting ready for school again. We went to Diagon Alley to shop today. You're supposed to windowshop and look through stores and be ridiculous, it's not a fucking issue if they want to try on some robes they're not actually going to buy or look through books they don't need.
Regulus was scared when Mum caught him looking at books that weren't for school. I had to tell Sirius it was fine three times before he'd follow me into a store to look at brooms. Neither of them believed me when I said we could stop for ice cream if they wanted until Da said it was alright.
It's shopping. You're rich. What the fuck is wrong with having a little fun?
I bought Regulus every single book he touched by the way and Sirius and I got like 100 galleons worth of prank supplies. Because I'm also rich and what the fuck is wrong with having a little fun?
James
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To Wally
You're an asshole. Just a reminder.
James
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To James Potter
I have never quite so eagerly awaited the beginning of the school season as I do now. I should hope your studies take over the time you usually spend sending these letters.
I should also hope that you stop spoiling my children as it will make them selfish and they will forget that they truly deserve nothing and must earn privileges. You are currently destroying years of my teachings and I woe the day you discover who my children really are without my guidance.
Walburga
Of The Most Ancient And Noble House Of Black
- - -
To Wally
I never study so you're out of luck there.
And you're a psychopath. Happy. Happy is what your children are without you.
Fuck you.
James
- - -
“Jamie?”
He glanced up from the steadily growing tower of cards he and Sirius had built to see Regulus looking in his trash bin, face void of color. Before he could say anything Sirius had jumped up and walked over to see what Regulus was looking at. His face went a shade just shy of ghostly and he looked to James, eyes wide.
James just sat there, face slowly turning red. None of them spoke for a long minute until Regulus’s soft voice broke the silence.
“Why's our mother sending you letters?”
“I dunno,” His voice was too high to be believable. “I didn't open it.”
Sirius pulled it out of the bin, flipping the envelope over in his hands. “It's clearly open.”
“I didn't read it?” The statement came out more as a question and both brothers glanced at each other.
“Is she threatening you?”
“No!” He hesitated. “Not in that one. She can't actually do anything.”
“‘That one?’” Regulus's voice went shrill. “James! What do you mean ‘that one’?”
“It's not-” Sirius went to open it and James tried to snatch it from him but couldn't get up before he unfolded the paper. “It's not important, just give it back.” He tried to grab it again when he got on his feet but he just took a step back away from him.
Eyes scanning the page Sirius’s mouth fell open slightly. “‘Hope your studies take over the time you usually spend sending these letters.’ You sent her letters back?”
“It's not sending letters back if I started it!”
“You started it?” Both brothers were shouting now and the door slammed open abruptly, Fleamont appearing in the doorway.
“What is going on?”
Regulus just yanked the paper out of Sirius's hands to wave in front of him. “James! James is what's going on! He's-” Making a frustrated noise he shoved the paper into Fleamont's chest before turning around and smacking James hard across the face. “You're so fucking stupid!”
Giving him a hurt look he rubbed his cheek. “Ow,” he complained.
“Don't ‘ow’ me! Do you know what she could do to you?”
“Yeah. Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Sirius looked appalled. “Nothing? You truly think you're untouchable if she decides she actually wants you dead?”
Face burning, and right cheek particularly red, James looked to the ground, desperate for anything interesting to focus on. Fleamont still hadn't spoken but when he let out a long sigh they went quiet. “What? You decided to antagonize her?”
“It's not ant-”
“Yes it is.”
“Sirius, hush. Did you send Walburga letters to antagonize her?”
After a long silence he muttered a little “I was just going to send a couple. Just to say fuck you.”
“And then?” He sounded genuinely curious and James glanced up. Fleamont had his eyebrows raised, letter in hand, but he didn't seem particularly angry.
“And then she responded. And she told me to stop. So… I didn't."
Sirius muttered something in French that sounded vaguely like he was swearing, then pointed at James while talking very fast to Regulus. He seemed to take offense to that because he gasped. “He’s your friend! My poor dating decisions have nothing to do with this.”
“Poor dating decisions?”
“You sent my mother letters, you don't get to act hurt by that right now.”
“Boys.” Fleamont sounded more tired and exasperated than anything. “While you're in this house she can't really do anything and by time James leaves he's just going to Hogwarts.” Both Regulus and Sirius tried to speak but he cut them off. “I'm not saying it's smart, because it's not,” He looked at James as he said that. “But it's not like she can do much.” He paused. “Just don't write back.”
He must have looked guilty.
“James!”
“I couldn't help it.” There was a general sigh as Fleamont left and the two boys flopped down on the bed.
- - -
To Wally
Reggie and Siri found out I've been writing to you and told me to stop. Sad. Well I'm a rebel so I'm going to send one more. I hope that's sufficient glitter to compensate for this being the last letter.
You're an arse. A bitch. Motherfucker. Monster. Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. You're a fucking abusive asshole. Racist twat.
Just needed to get those out of the way real quick.
I actually have a lot to say that I was going to stretch out over a lot of letters but now I have to condense it all into one.
I honestly didn't believe that someone could actually be that cruel when Sirius first started telling me about you. Not even in the “he must be lying” way, just in the way that thirteen year old me could not possibly comprehend that sort of evil actually existing in the world. If I had my way it wouldn't and someday I hope I do get my way. That's a threat and you should treat it as such.
But you are real and so is everything you did to them. But they're strong, they made it out. And I'm so very proud of them.
Sirius is happier than ever, not that you care. He told me a few days ago that for once he woke up and didn't regret surviving the night. It's three months clean for him soon. Regulus is getting there, he finally told me where he keeps hiding those blades of his and let me take them. And I think most days he appreciates life. Soon they'll both love every single day they're here.
I would say I hope you know how much of a monster you are but I realized a while ago that you do, you just don't care. I would also say I hope guilt eats you alive, that it drives you crazy, that you kill yourself out of shame. But someone like you doesn't understand guilt, that would require being human. And you're already insane, I never believed that the Black Family Madness was real but it is, and you got it so bad. If you want to kill yourself though that's okay, anything that gets you dead is fine by me.
Have a truly miserable life
James