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Port Ivy was busy, but that wasn’t uncommon for this time of year; the cadets attending the Royal Interstellar Academy were all milling about the docks, waiting for their respective ships or ferries so they could make their way home, and Jim, Onyx, and Kate were amongst them.
Jim stood just behind Onyx, taking advantage of his friend’s size blocking the crowd from running into any of them, and the three of them watched as their trunks were loaded onto a pallet and wrapped up so they could be stored in the hold. They had all coordinated to take a trip on the Sunhawk to visit each of their home planets in the first month of their summer vacation, and then they’ll all split up for the rest of the summer. His eyes drifted to the harbor beyond the docks and a grin stole across his face when he saw the small sloop waiting on the invisible swells of the etherium. He couldn’t see Silver and Morph, but he could picture them perfectly and he couldn’t wait to hug both of them after so many months apart.
The only problem was that dock crews were working faster than the ship crews, so while the pallets of supplies and the passengers were all ready, the ships weren’t moving very quickly and Jim found himself sighing repeatedly in annoyance that his hug was being postponed so long.
“They’re going as fast as they’re allowed,” Kate said loudly, mostly due to the noise of the docks, while arching a thin orange brow and looking side-long over at him.
Jim puffed his bangs off his forehead with a sharp breath. “Yeah, I know,” he mumbled, far too quietly for her to hear him over the chatter all around them.
He knew that it wasn’t the fault of the ships or dock crews, and was instead caused by the incredible influx of traffic from the Academy, but Jim couldn’t help but be annoyed and impatient. He took up pacing behind Onyx and Kate, then wove his way in between two high-stacked pallets of barrels and crates where he could perch on a loose barrel, pull his knees up to his chest, and wrap his arms around them.
Both Kate and Onyx glanced back at him, grinning when they spotted him, then turned back to watch the dock activity.
Jim’s mind wandered, drifting from topic to topic too quickly for him to really examine any of them in depth, but he wasn’t too vexed by it. His gaze was locked on the Sunhawk and he sighed and sank further and further into himself as other ships kept drawing up to the docks, but his dad’s ship remained where it was.
He noticed a skittering sort of noise somewhere overhead but didn’t pay much attention to it until a shadow fell over him. Jim looked up, confused, then froze solid when his eyes landed on a familiar six legged insectoid.
A mantavor, black with red accents on their feet, claws and body, crawled down the stacked pallets next to him.
Terror clamped down on him, his blood running cold as his mind went completely blank with fear. Then suddenly his thoughts came back as a panicked barrage. Scroop?! How?! He– he was dead! He’d been dead for five years! They’d been deep into uncharted space far from the shipping routes and more than three month’s travel from the nearest port town when he and Scroop had had their final fight and he’d drifted off into space. There couldn’t have been a ship nearby that could have picked him up, could there? How long could Scroop have survived drifting on the etherium before he died of natural causes? Jim didn’t know and was too petrified to move as Scroop drew closer.
Suddenly, Jim was on the Legacy again, his back slammed against the mast, his legs dangling and kicking uselessly more than his own height off the deck as a dangerous serrated claw drew closer and closer to his neck, and a growling voice hissing “any last words, cabin boy?” ringing in his head. Then he was trapped on his back on the floor in a dark hall illuminated by the red emergency lights, with Scroop’s pincher grasping his collar while he pushed with all his might to keep the other pincher from approaching his throat to slit it.
Scroop startled when he spotted Jim and his eyes went wide, then he shifted his trajectory to instead skirt around him whereas he would have gone right over Jim if he hadn’t changed directions.
“Excussse me.”
Jim didn’t move, didn’t breathe, and just stared like a bug caught in a web as his doom approached. He didn’t react at first when Scroop passed straight by him and walked further onto the dock, where he was hailed by a dock crew and directed toward a ship drawing into a nearby wharf.
What…? Why hadn’t he…? Jim was certain he’d been about to die, considering how spiteful and aggressive Scroop had always been toward him–
His brain finally caught up with what he was seeing, and it was now that he realized that the red coloration was more brown, the body shape was thicker, the legs shorter, and their face was a different shape than Scroop’s. It hit him now that their voice had been completely different as well. It was lighter, softer, less scratchy and growly. This wasn’t Scroop, and instead Jim had been staring like an idiot at a stranger who had no idea the nightmares he used to have about being pinned down and gutted like a fish by a completely different mantavor after returning to Montressor after the Treasure Planet expedition.
“Jim! The Sunhawk’s moored, let’s go!”
He startled out of his frozen state, his gaze snapping over to Kate and Onyx, who were waving to him as they walked toward his dad’s ship.
Jim remained seated on the barrel, still feeling cold all over as his thoughts circled wildly. He was fine. He wasn’t in danger. Silver was here. Silver would protect him. Scroop wasn’t even here so there was nothing he needed to be protected from. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.
His adopted father appeared at the top of the gangplank, his fists resting on his hips and a broad grin on his face, and Jim felt intense relief wash over him.
He leapt off the barrel and pelted through the crowd, shoving past people and bursting through a group of cadets that were leisurely strolling by, charged past Kate and Onyx, practically flew up the gangplank, and slammed straight into Silver.
“Heavens, Jimbo!” he laughed, his organic arm curling around Jim as he accepted the embrace without so much as a tiny indication that he’d been affected by Jim’s full weight plowing into him at top speed.
The scent of spices and pipe tobacco filling Jim’s nostrils, the weight of Silver’s arm across his shoulders, the feeling of his dad’s heartbeat next to his ear– all of it made him feel so unbelievably safe. Tears flooded Jim’s eyes and he choked as he tried frantically to swallow the sob that hitched in his chest. He’d been so certain he was about to die mere moments ago – a fear that had been completely unfounded and utterly idiotic – and now felt so incredibly safe–
“Are ye alright, lad?” Silver asked.
Jim tore himself away from his dad, clearing his throat and nodding emphatically in an attempt to convince both Silver and himself that everything was okay. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. I just– I just missed you,” he said quickly. It wasn’t a lie. He had missed Silver. A lot. But he really wasn’t fine, no matter how many times he said it.
Morph splooted against his chest with a squeal, then recorporated and attacked his face with slobbery tongue-kisses, and Jim raised his hands to cup the protoplasm to himself. He stepped to the side as Kate and Onyx reached the deck, smiling faintly when Kate and Silver hugged, then when Onyx and Silver nodded politely to each other.
“Well I’ll be. I’ll have a full crew with the three o’ ye on the ship. I’ll be spoiled up until the end o’ our voyage,” Silver chuckled.
He settled his arm around Jim’s shoulders again, and Jim leaned into him eagerly, once more feeling his tense muscles melting with relief in the safety of his dad’s embrace. He didn’t get to enjoy it for long; there was only one pallet to load onto the ship and then Silver had to head to the stateroom to coordinate with the harbormaster to leave port, and soon enough, he was barking out orders for them to set sail.
Jim and Kate scurried up the mast, Onyx aided from the deck, and Silver took up the helm.
The transition from harbor to open etherium was flawless, yet Jim fidgeted with the rope he was checking. He hadn’t gotten a chance to search the ship to make sure that Scroop hadn’t snuck on board while they weren’t looking–
He shook his head sharply and hissed, “Stop it.”
Scroop was dead. He’d seen another mantavor. It wasn’t Scroop. He was safe. Scroop wasn’t going to hurt him, because he couldn’t.
“Jim, are you alright?”
He looked up with a sharp snap of his head that tweaked something in his neck. “I’m fine!” he barked.
Kate’s eyebrows jumped up her forehead and her hand froze where it had been trying to detangle Morph from her mane. She blinked at him, then her eyes narrowed and her eyebrows lowered. “You don’t seem fine,” she said.
“I am, really! I swear!” Jim said quickly, then hurried to climb down to the deck. He needed to calm down. He was fine. He was fine. School was out for the summer, he got to spend time with his two best friends and adoptive father, and they would be making it to Montressor before the end of the day so he could see his mom too. Everything was great!
But Jim couldn’t shake the jittery, anxious feeling under his skin. Every little thing out of the ordinary had him flinching and shying away from whatever had startled him. It was often enough that soon everyone had asked if he was alright, and of course he’d assured them he was, because he was. All the things that had spooked him were stupid too; a cloud passing partly over the deck and darkening it, Morph zipping past out of the corner of his eye, a breeze blowing blasted space dust. Jim felt like such an idiot for getting so scared over such nonsense.
“Jimbo, lad, could ye grab a crate from the hold fer me? It’s the one labeled from Venusa. I’ve been meaning te switch out some o’ the fixtures ‘round this old tub and now that I’ve got a few extra hands, I should be able te get that finished before we reach Benbow,” Silver called from the helm.
Jim welcomed the excuse to busy himself and rushed down the stairs into the ship while avoiding the looks both Onyx and Kate gave him.
If he could keep it together until they got back to Benbow Inn, then he was sure he’d calm down. Being home had always had the effect of soothing his senses. It’d be hard to hide from his mom how stressed he still was, but maybe by the time they’d reached Montressor, he would have finally come to his senses.
Jim trotted down the hall toward the small hold, but his pace petered off to a near halt at how much darker it was than he’d expected. The Sunhawk was older, she was almost always in repair of some sort, and it seemed as if a few of the lights he’d remembered being down here either weren’t there anymore or had burned out. His throat tightened with fear as his mind dragged him back once more to the Legacy and the night he’d faced Scroop while trying to get the map back down to Treasure Planet.
A tremble started up his arms. The crawling sensation of fear moved up his spine and across his shoulders. Jim could feel his heartbeat speeding up. He was suddenly acutely aware of how loud his breathing was. He pressed a sweaty palm over his mouth to quiet it.
His footsteps were too loud as he tried to inch toward the hold to grab the crate Silver needed and Jim froze again in the hallway. He glanced around quickly, peering into the darkness and even over his head to make sure no one was creeping around above him.
“You can do it, you can do it, you can do it. He’s dead, he’s gone, he’s not here, you’re okay, you can do it,” Jim breathed, trying to hype himself up, trying to find the courage just to walk the last few feet to get to the hold. He was annoyed with how terrified he was, but he couldn’t snap himself out of it. There was no logic to his fear, but no matter what he muttered to try to calm himself and relax again, he just couldn’t.
Something heavy came down on Jim’s right shoulder and he screamed, wrenching away and flailing. He tripped in his haste to escape and fell backward, landing on the floor so hard a jolt of pain went up his spine, and he scrambled back away from the massive, dark figure looming over him. “GET AWAY FROM ME!!” he shouted.
It took him a few moments before he recognized who had grabbed him.
Onyx. It was Onyx. And Kate was standing next to him, her eyes wide and shining in the low light. They were both staring at him, looking shocked by his reaction. Onyx stood with his hand still out where Jim’s shoulder had been. Both were rigid, confused, and Jim probably would have been embarrassed for screaming, but he was just so relieved that it wasn’t Scroop that had grabbed him that he let out a hysterical laugh.
Jim bent over double, one hand on the wall, his forehead nearly touching the floor, laughing so hard he could barely breathe and shaking all over. He couldn’t stop laughing. Only it wasn’t laughter anymore. It had morphed into wheezes, then full body sobs that rattled out of him so hard he collapsed onto the floor.
“Jim! Jim! Good heavens!”
Both Kate and Onyx fell to their knees on either side of him and picked him up off the floor to hold him in between them. Jim shook uncontrollably despite their grasp around him, his breaths coming as desperate gasps, and he clung to them frantically.
He struggled for a while, gasping for air, getting more panicked when he couldn’t breathe. A sudden deep rumbling to his left vibrated straight through him, startling him. A second slightly higher pitched rumbling joined in from his right. His mind took a moment to catch up and realize that the rumbling was coming from both his friends. If he wasn’t so panicked, he’d probably be confused, but all he could feel was a small sense of calm.
The rumbling seemed to seep into his very bones, and it was so comforting despite being so novel and unfamiliar. His breathing slowed after a while, his heartbeat stopped racing, and he leaned into both of them and soaked in their warmth.
It still felt like it was an eternity before he calmed down enough that he could wipe his eyes and stop crying.
The rumbling from both his friends – purring from Kate and Rumble from Onyx – came to a slow stop, though neither of them spoke for a moment.
Onyx was the first to say anything and when he did, he whispered, “Jim, what’s wrong?”
Jim swallowed hard. If Onyx had asked if he was okay, he could’ve lied – albeit poorly – and said that he was fine just like he had earlier, but Onyx hadn’t asked that. Onyx knew something was wrong – how couldn’t he? Silver had probably heard him scream so everyone knew something was wrong – and he knew Jim would try to skirt around the answer.
“Please tell us,” Kate added just as softly.
A breath rattled out of him and he curled into himself in embarrassment. “I… When I was on the expedition to Treasure Planet, there was a crew member that… Well, he hated me. I figured it was because I wasn’t part of the preexisting crew and he was just a jerk at first, but I later learned otherwise, and he tried to kill me twice. I… I saw a member of his species right before we left Port Ivy and while I know it’s stupid and that it wasn’t Scroop and couldn’t possibly be him, I… I don’t know. I freaked out and I’ve been freaked out ever since. Scroop attacked me in a dark hall, so being down here– It was like I was back on the Legacy and he was waiting for me in the dark and I was going to die–”
Jim started to shake again, his earlier fear creeping back over his skin, and he startled violently when Onyx spoke in Rumble again abruptly in response. He leaned into Onyx and breathed out a long sigh.
His face was burning with embarrassment at having told them about how stupid he’d been for absolutely no reason. “I’m sorry about this. I’m sorry for screaming and then freaking out–”
“Stop that,” Kate said immediately and squeezed around him harder.
“Fear has no logic, Jim, and it’s understandable that you would have panicked given how Scroop treated you and what he proved himself capable of while on the voyage,” Onyx comforted.
Jim rubbed his palm over his eyes. “Sure, I guess, but the mantavor on the dock crew never did anything to me and it’s awful of me to associate my fear with them. They can’t help what Scroop did. What if I run a crew that has a mantavor on it? They’re incredible riggers and a hardy species, so it would be unlikely to never have one on board. What do I do then? I can’t avoid them, and I’ll be a terrible commanding officer or crew mate if I freak out every time I see a mantavor–”
“Jim, calm down. That’s not something you have to worry about right now, and there are means to deal with trauma like what you’ve experienced,” Kate interrupted, and she shifted so she could look into his face. “There is plenty of time between now and our enlistment as ensigns for you to seek therapy to learn how to cope in a healthy manner with the fear and stress you experienced. Onyx and I will also always be willing to help you, and I know that Silver and your mother will too. My mother will also happily aid in any way she can, and I know that if I were to even vaguely mention this in passing that she would start to search for a respectable therapist you could speak with.”
Embarrassment still warmed Jim’s cheeks, but he did feel better talking with both of his friends. It was a relief that neither of them judged him for his panicked outburst, and he nuzzled between them for several more minutes until he heard Morph’s curious trill from further down the hall. The squidge appeared a moment later in his face and stared at him with his giant eyes before licking his cheek with a comforting coo.
“I’m alright, Morph,” Jim murmured, then smiled shyly at his friends. “Thanks for sitting with me, and helping me calm down.”
“Of course, Jim. Do you and Kate want to head back up and I’ll grab the crate Silver asked for?” Onyx suggested.
“Yeah… yeah,” Jim agreed. He and Kate stood and started back toward the deck while Onyx finished the trek to the hold, and Morph zoomed ahead.
Kate caught his wrist when they reached the end of the hall and searched his face with her bright, orange eyes. “Will you be alright for this trip?”
“Yeah, I just… I just need some time to calm down more. I’ll be fine in the morning after I sleep,” Jim said.
She gazed at him a moment longer before pulling him into a tight hug. Jim melted against her, a shaky sigh rattling out of him as a swell of emotion swept over him again, though he managed to hold back a second round of tears. Kate seemed reluctant, but she eventually pulled away and they walked up the steps to the deck.
Jim glanced over at Silver and his adoptive father jerked his head to summon him over. He was sure his cheeks were still flushed from crying and he didn’t doubt for even a moment that Silver hadn’t heard his scream, so Jim was sure that he’d have something to say when he reached the helm.
Surprisingly, Silver instead offered his flesh arm and motioned for Jim to come closer until he could slide his arm around Jim’s shoulders. He pulled him close and Jim leaned against him heavily. Neither said anything, which was a relief, and Silver let Jim lean against him for a very long time without complaint or making any motion that he was tired of the physical contact. His massive paw rubbing gentle, methodical circles over Jim’s back was warm, soothing, and numbed his frazzled nerves.
He didn't realize just how long he’d been standing there until Silver squeezed his shoulder lightly. “Do ye think ye can help moor the ship, lad?”
Jim pulled back immediately and looked around to see that they were already descending through the atmosphere of Montressor. How–? Had he fallen asleep and Silver had just held him that whole time? He couldn’t remember, and he just felt numb now.
Mooring went by as a blur, and the other three hardly needed him. All he really did was keep Morph occupied and out of their way as the squidge cooed and cuddled him relentlessly until the gangplank was lowered, and then he shot off toward the Benbow Inn.
Jim followed with a relieved sigh, happy to be home and eager to see his mom.
The rest of the afternoon was overwhelming. Jim still felt numb, and now drained on top of all of that, and he trudged to his room at the end of the night.
He slipped inside and flopped backward onto his bed to stare at the ceiling, thankful that no one had asked him how he was. He wondered if Kate and Onyx had told Silver and his mom about his freak out. It was embarrassing to think about, but he was pretty sure he preferred them speaking about it versus having to admit – again – how he was still scared of someone who’d died five years previously.
Jim absently petted Morph for a while before crawling off his bed long enough to change into his bed clothes, though he wasn’t tired yet and sat cross-legged in the dark while staring blankly out the window.
A quiet knock at the door startled him and he fell and somehow managed to tangle himself in a blanket as he tried to spin around. “Ah! Blast– Come in!” he called.
He managed to right himself as the door opened and both Onyx and Kate were revealed, both in their bedclothes, and looking at him with mild apprehension. Jim perked up. “Hey, what’s– uh, what’s up?”
“Care for some company?” Onyx asked.
“Uh… sure? You don’t have to…” Jim murmured, arguing weakly that they didn’t have to give up their personal rooms just to comfort him, though he readily scooted to the middle of the bed as they approached.
He felt randomly self-conscious about them knowing how much he benefitted from cuddling after high moments of stress regardless of the fact that they’d known this for almost two years now. Jim felt even more bashful that he was excited that they would cuddle with him and cared about him enough to have come to either the conclusion independently and then met each other in the hall, or had spoken about this and agreed he would benefit from their company right now.
Kate climbed onto one side of the bed, Onyx onto the other, and Jim settled eagerly between them as they laid down. Morph squeaked and chirped happily as he nestled into their cuddle pile. Kate lay against Jim’s back and slipped her arm around his waist, and Jim lay pressed against Onyx’s front while Onyx rested his own arm over both of them. It was so comforting to be almost squished between them, just how leaning against Silver had been a soothing balm to his very soul, and Jim let out a long, heavy sigh.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Of course, Jim. We care about you and want you to feel safe,” Onyx said quietly.
Kate nuzzled her face against his shoulder. “When we get to Panfeline, would you like to talk to my mother? You know she’d never tell anyone else about this, if you didn’t want her to.”
Jim smiled faintly. “I think I do. Thanks.”
Nothing else needed to be said. He felt safe, he felt loved, and he was so overwhelmingly grateful to his friends for how much they cared about him. The numbness melted into deep warmth in his chest. While he hadn’t been tired before, he was suddenly exhausted, and he found himself listening to everyone’s slow, methodical breathing until he too slipped into unconsciousness.