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It's so…cold.
He stood in the vast expanse, watching the snow flutter past him and settle back into the ground again. He stood as the voices rang in his head, voices that he didn't understand yet know that he should, their answers always just out of reach.
"Again!"
Not again. He couldn't do this again.
He couldn't feel that last stab of betrayal again.
He should've known. He knew, he knew their friendship or whatever they had couldn't last. He would always move on, in the end. Anyone who wasn't himself would try to kill him, it made sense. It had been proven to him time and time again and this time was no exception.
He hated it. He hated these games.
The lonely traveler looked on into the expanse. There was nothing in this world between worlds. Nothing but him and miles upon miles of snow and the frostbite seeping into his body.
You can't save them. Apo's-no, not Apo, that wasn't Apo…but who was Apo, really?-voice rang in his head. He was so far from that horrid place and yet she was still in his head. Still goading him. Teasing him. Playing with him. The others hadn't believed him, not even at the end.
An anxious feeling washed over him.
What if they were dragged into the next one with him? What if they were forced into the same cycle that he had been in for so long? They had been so carefree at the beginning, yet they had gotten desperate near the end, so afraid of everything that they didn't understand.
They didn't understand him.
He didn't even know if he understood himself. At some point, the nonsense had just started to make sense-he lived, he died, he reset, he did it again, and every time he didn't know why other than to be someone's plaything. It was awful, but it was fine. His sanity had remained somewhat intact through it all, so he was fine. Viking had shattered that illusion with his questions. They were new to his reality, to the life that had become normal to him. To the others, he was just as mysterious as the winter beyond. He wasn't with them, he was something other.
He settled down into the snow, letting the cold dig deeper into his bones. It made him numb, but it still wasn't enough to silence his mind.
"Again! Haha!"
Anything to get to the next one faster.
Did they have lives beyond the winter? Did they have families waiting for them back at home? Were they even real or had they been sent in to trick him? His fingernails dug into his worn red sweater.
…Home.
As far as he could remember, he never had a home.
If he closed his eyes, he could pretend he was back with Viking and Drift. He could pretend they were still joking about the zombies outside in an effort to ignore their horrifying reality. If he closed his eyes, he could feel the warmth of the fire and feel the fleeting happiness he had gained from being with the idiots.
Are they even alive?
He wasn't in that world anymore. Maybe, just maybe, they were free. Maybe they were right. Maybe they were better without him. Every time he died in the worlds prior, he would go onto the next one. Without him, maybe whatever curse kept the others there would be lifted and they could go back to their lives.
I miss them.
Avid, with his strange overpreparedness and tenedacy to wander off.
Marm, with her constant silly talks of a "BnB" and her radiant optimism.
Drift, who fought through her fears and still walked trustingly towards Apo even when they had a scythe to her throat.
Viking, the one that had stuck with him and actually listened to him with a level head.
He had tried not to get attached, because he knew the end would happen, one way or another. He had tried to prevent the eventual hurt and failed.
He laid down in the snow, tuning the voices out as they got louder and ignoring the thumping of fear in his heart. He couldn't be afraid. He had done this far too many times to be afraid.
Drift held onto him as they sped across the snow. "Do you ever feel afraid?"
He could feel the pull again. The pull connecting him to yet another world. He glanced up from where he had buried himself in the snow, a black and purple pillar standing tall above his tiny body. The purple glow twinkled in bursts, almost like they were laughing at him.
They were here. It was time.
He took a deep breath and waited.
He would do this again. Maybe it would be the last time. Maybe he would see the other five again, with sparkles of joy in their eyes instead of hate and anger. Maybe he wouldn't be alone again.
If it wasn't…he would be more careful. He would keep his distance. Prevent his heart from shattering into pieces again. If they were happier without him, so be it.
My name is Legundo. He thought, still desperately holding onto his last piece of self. And I can do this. Come on. Just one more time.
"Again! Hahahaha!"
The pull strengthened.
Just please, world…
His eyes closed, the freezing chill enveloping him completely. He was so cold.
Be kinder to me this time.