Work Text:
Shane @shanehollander ✓
FUCK i would let him ruin me idc. Have you seen HIM
3.9K replies 90K RTs 621K likes
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Oh no
Shane @shanehollander ✓
Wrong account
Shane @shanehollander ✓
Delete.
Shane @shanehollander ✓
SIRI DELETE
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Hayden @HockeyHayden ✓
replying to @shanehollander
SHANE?
Ilya @ilya1Rozanov ✓
replying to @shanehollander
Hello.
Jay @jjeejies
replying to @shanehollanderRuin me is kinda crazy lmao
Luca @Luca
replying to @shanehollander
HOLLANDER??
Shane @shanehollander ✓
I was hacked ?
ram @hollanderhockey
replying to @shanehollander
Brother, try and be at least a little less conspicuous
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hfm @puckitup
replying to @shanehollander
Im crying this is adorable wtf
El @montrealgurl
Why are we ignoring that fact thate THE shane hollander has a man crush on ILYA FUCKING ROZANOV
Moon@ hshanesthighs
replying to @montrealgurl
Oh darling thats not a man crush, he gay and hes in loveeeee
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oscar @2481
replying to @montrealgurl and @hshanesthighs
Can we like not conspire over someone's sexuality? Weird as hell.
Закаты @дипинс
Me, here, wondering is it a fan account or a priv?
Alice @eoa
replying to @дипинс
… both.
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Alice @eoa
Shane Hollander lurking and liking this tweet I know what you are give me your secret fan account @
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Ilya @ilyarozanov
Hello (with the intention of doing laundry and taxes with you for the rest of our lives).
PRINCESS ILYA @Babyboyilya
replying to @ilyarozanov
This is… suspiciously timed.
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Yannik @yannik
replyimg to @ilyarozanov
This is about me btw x
HOCKEY UPDATES | FAN @hockeyupdates
Shane Hollander tweets …. About Ilya Rozanov.
Your hockey updates @hockeyupdating
[video of Shane Hollanders press conference: reporter asks Shane to comment on recent Twitter posts: “Shane what do you to say about your recent… indulgence on twitter“
Shane replies “I was being thorough”
duck @thefucyduck
replying to @hockeyupdating
Shane…. Girl what the hell
Felix @yongbok
replying to @hockeyupdating
Shane Hollander being a comedian oh man I am in awe of him.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
replying to @hockeyupdating and @yongbok
Oh god, i swear to god that social cue wasnt there before
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Berry @berrimyster
replying to @hockeyuodating and @shanehollander
I love you holy shit.
Mr. Beanie @bakedgoods
@shanehollander my brother, the og tweet their referring to hasn’t even been deleted
Shane @shanehollander ✓
replying to @bakedgoods
What? But I asked Siri to delete it? Did it not work?
gnab @channiesroom
replying to @hockeyupdating
@ilyarozanov come claim your man or I’m gonna take him he’s fucking adorable
5 of spades @deckedout
replying to @hockeyupdating
pls do not delete i have to look at it everyday to improve my mental health.
——————————————————————
Shane defender @shandefence
i heard people are shipping Shane and Ilya ????
Ilya @ilyarozanov - 8h
Replying to @shanedefence
😝
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
replying to @shanedefence and @ilyarozanov
shipping us where? Where are we going? I haven't heard anything about this.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
ROZANOV REPLY.
Strogan @number24
replying to @shanehollander
nobody talk to me Shane Hollander is so fucking prescious I may explode.
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Bleib @BLIEB
replying to @shanehollander and @number24
Me reading any Shane tweet
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Thank You! Where do I get these pictures
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Blieb @BLIEB
These are reaction pics go look them up!!
Shane @shanehollander ✓
gay as hell to have an arch nemesis. What’s he arching?his back?
Shane @shane Hollander
Oh fuck
Shane @shanehollander
ok maybe i do like boys
Shane @shanehollander
I want to lay in his arms
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Shane @shanehollander
idk i dont even like boys frfr
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
replying to @shanehollander
uhh Shane buddy you good?
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
how’d you find my account?
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
uhh buddy? Don’t you have your notification on? and uhh maybe look at your @
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
….
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I have 1 persons notification on. I’m going to kekdidksd
Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
replying to @ilyarozanov
What is “kekdidksd”
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
replying to @ilyarozanov
A keyboard smash.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
I want it. How did I do it.
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
mf you press a random keys on your keyboard duhh
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
S
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I am so endeared by you holy fuck.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
It didn’t work ?
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Ilya FaceTime me immediately. like right now please.
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
IS HE AN IDIOT?!
Burger @bobbsburgerssz
I am deeply fond of Hayden Pike and his constant exasperation.
Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
Another win. Too easy
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
replying to @ilyarozanov
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Jax @sinnerJ
SHANE HOLLANDER WTF STAND UP
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Net @4in1
Shane:
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shane @shanehollander ✓
wait no. I mean, next week i will put you to shame Rozanov
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
calling someone by their last name is flirting, actually
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Rozanov.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
Hollander.
apple @applecider
okay, I’m feeling like a third wheel.
_
Shane @shanehollander ✓
Be honest, is it gay to kiss a boy?
Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
replying to @shanehollander
no
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
replying to @shanehollander and @ilyarozanov
Yes it is what are u on
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
replying to @shanehollander and @haydenpike
don’t ruin this for me please
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
replying to @shanehollander and @ilyarozanov
EXCUSE ME what
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
replying to @shanehollander and @haydenpike
he pretty
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Hayden @ilyarozanov ✓
replying to @shanehollander and @ilyarozanov
No. No. I’m actually not allowing this.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Shane @shanehollander
Yeah I'm beating the gay allegations: I'm way too good at being gay. I'll beat anyone at it.
Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
Today is day I put montreal to shame. they will go home crying crying. We will take them apart
Shane @shanehollander ✓
replying to @ilyarozanov
I could take you apart.
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Canadians Montreal @MontrealMetros ✓
replying to @shanehollander
?
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I love you. Please don’t fire me. We’re gonna win
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
FUCK IT! HELL YEAH WERE GONNA WIN.
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J.J @jjB ✓
yeah we gonna WIN
Peter @ottawafanz
How embarrassing is it gonna be if they lose lmao.
Live Hockey @LiveHockey ✓
ROZANOV SCORES. HOLLANDER SCORES BACK WITHIN 50 SECONDS
yuki @tsunodayuki
replying to @livehockey
I’m not the only one that saw that right?
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arbeiten @haalandhere
you mean the fact that when each of them scored they looked back and smirked at each other
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ivo @sehnsucht
or the fact that the tension was PALPABLE.
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Hanji @wunderlich
Or that when chirping they were smiling at each other
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H, @weitweg
We’re definitely talking about how they’re using hockey as foreplay.
David Hollander @davidhollander ✓
My son.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Yes father.
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David Hollander @davidhollander ✓
I made a twitter account. @yunahollander
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Yuna Hollander @yunahollander ✓
oh god. This cannot end well.
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David Hollander @davidhollander ✓
I have power now. I will expose truths.
David Hollander @davidhollander ✓
When Shane was a kid, he had a pet fish who he loved dearly. I walked in on him one day staring at it, intently. I asked if everything was okay and to this day I remember his response: “I think about him not thinking about me. I say to my fish, whose eyes were each viewing on a different axis.“
David Hollander @davidhollander
I have power now. I will expose truths.
Shane @shanehollander ✓
please don’t continue I still miss my fish Luffy.
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Yuna Hollander @YunaHollandern✓
Oh yes whenever we went away for hockey trips or games we’d have to have someone send a photo to give proof of live.
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Shane @shanehollander
4 years average life span. And I had just watched flushed away. Everything was possible.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov
I can not get enough of Shane.
Malendez @dr_M
Their family dynamic is fucking adorable.
Carlotis @alcaraz
Shane being a sweetheart attached to his fish omg.
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Abbott @axolotlabbog
The needing a picture of proof of life before he could sleep is literally die for that motherfucker
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
so I need to be fish to become important to you @shanehollander
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
? No.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
What do you mean no ?
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Do not become a fish I like you as you are.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
Okay
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
but you can send a picture everyday of proof of life.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
okay.
David Hollander @davidhollander ✓
Are we consorting with the enemey?
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Yuna Hollander @yunahollander ✓
What do you mean?
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David Hollander @davidhollander ✓
Shane and… Ilya.
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Yuna Hollander @yunahollander ✓
No love that’s called flirting
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
I KNEW IT!!!
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Cliff M @marleau ✓
I find myself here because ROZ is smiling at his phone before important game.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov
MARLOW LOOK THIS IS BETTER THAN WIN.
Live Hockey Updates @HockedUpdates ✓
Despite ROZANOV now having a 5 MINUTE PENALTY he’s looking very very happy.
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Sam @sammyy
Have I missed something why does he look like just opened a yoghurt to an empty lid.
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Fan #1 @bostonbearme
Oh god you’ve missed it. You poor oblivious child.
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Sam @sammyy
Missed what?
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Fan #1 @bostonbearme
Hollanov.
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Sam @sammyy
What is that??
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Sam @sammyy
Hello??????
Sam @sammyy
I have been blocked for not knowing what a ‘Hollanov’ is.
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Sam @sammyy
WHY HAVE I JEUT LOST 139 followers???
Shane @shanehollander ✓
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H, @weitweg
So were all watching Ilya fucking destroy the admirals. Why is he actually deranged and why is it so fucking hawt????
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I need to tie our souls together.
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David Hollander @davidhollander ✓
Son, I’m going to mute you.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Okay! I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow!
Live Hockey Updates @HockedUpdates
Boston and Montreal playing each other tonight. It should be an interesting game tonight.
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Oscar @oscarbobb52
Can’t wait to put on my favourite gay yearning show on.
Live Hockey Updates @hockeyupdated
MONTREAL SCORES 1:0 Hollander assist.
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Oh, again.
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ROZANOV SCORES 2:1 to Montreal
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Hollander scores again. 3:1
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MONTREAL WIN!!!
Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
First loss in 5 games. We will be back
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I’m here if you need oral support I mean moral support.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
you are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires
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Sam @sammyy
So this is hollanov. I see it. I like it. I’m thinking about it and I’m into it.
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Fan #1 @bostonbearme
Welcome (back).
Hockey updates | Fan @hockeyupdates
Rozanov and Hollander spotted together in Montreal
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ivo @sehnsucht
"romantic" "platonic" no whatever those two have going on is way more sinister than all that.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
@shanehollander 😜
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Rozanov is a pancake man. He had a drawer dedicated to fluffy socks only and he likes to be the little spoon.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I mean that’s what I’ve heard haha I wouldn’t know for sure haha I’ve never seen Rozanov in my life.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
Fuck.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Sorry I was weird.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
weird? you've weirded me in. let's merge souls
Hayden @haydenpike ✓
I’ve lost a prized possession to the enemy. Their soul has been tied to the evil one.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
What happened to Jackie???
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
No
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Jackie @jackiepike
What do you mean no? Am I not your most priced possession. Our kids??
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
Jackie ily the most I could explode with it but I need to win this argument.
Hayden @haydenpike ✓
As I was saying. He has been turned to the dark side.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Who
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Hayden @ilyarozanov ✓
You
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
How
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
Rozanov. He has taken you hostage.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
How? He is very kind.
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
Rozanov and kind in one sentence? Shane I love you dude but really. I’d buy you that over expensive weighted blanket if you idk
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I don’t need a weighted blanket when I have Rozanov.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
HAH suck it Pike
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
omg Shane has been consumed by love
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Says you I remember what you did when you first met Jackie.
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Jackie @jackiepike
Shane?
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Call me.
And tell Pike I’m not babysitting this week (sorry) he’s on probation.
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Hayden @haydenpike
SHANE SHANE NO.
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Shane @shanehollander
😝
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Ilya @ilyarozanov
Rozanov 1 : 0 Pike
Shane @shanehollander ✓
Quiet men☺️
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
Hayden @haydenpike ✓
replying to @ilyarozanov
wtf if wrong with you
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Jannik @janniks
This is funny.
A, @admiralfan203
i feel high on drugs. but it's just gay people in love.
peach @mrripley
a relationship with a good flirt to roast ratio
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
@shanehollander us
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
No you just insult me.
Shane @shanehollander ✓
Yeah good luck sending me mixed signals I don’t even understand direct ones.
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Benj8 @benjamin8
replying to @shanehollander
The people’s neurotic princess
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Carlitos @alcarqz
replying to @shanehollander and @benjamin8
Yeah I’d die for him deadass.
Shane @shanehollander✓
I’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual
jam @jaknjam
what is it with Hollander and his tweets thereicky idk. So unsavoury and they’re all gay it’s👀
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Is this me coming out?
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I don’t know, I don’t wanna go out I like being inside.
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Pete @fuckoff
What does this even mean
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
I prefer a night in.
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Pete @fuckoff
I don’t know how we got here in this conversation at all.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
It’s true he prefers to be boring and stay in
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
oh. You don’t like it? We can go out if you want to.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
No no I love it. Having you just for me hello and yes please. I prefer nights in only if they’re with you.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
So would you like to come over and watch the new bake off episode with me? Please.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
YES. Will be there in 2 hours and not a minute less.
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
Yes we will be doing that, soon.
Bears #1 fan @bostonbearme
Hollanov are so domestic I’m crying.
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beanie @beanje
Domestic yes? But the level of horny is through the roof. It’s toxic it’s chaos it’s int he air I feel it.
Cliff M @malrau
@shanehollander I know it’s you, stop using your whatever power to distract Rozy before games
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Hey! I didn’t do anything I just wished him luck and reminded him of our bet.
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Cliff M @marleau ✓
Bet. sounds devious
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
It’s not. It’s a hockey bet very normal - whoever scored the most goals wins the bet.
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Scott Hunter @ScottHunterHockey✓
Oooo can I join?
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Ilya @ilyarozanov✓
no.absolutely not. Shane tell him no + only one game left.!
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Shane @shanehollander✓
sorry old man.
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Cliff M @marleau ✓
Hunters never going to catch up to them anyway. Shane genuinely stop texting Roxy he’s smiling wtf are you saying
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Shane @shanehollander ✓
Reminding him of the winnings of our bet
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
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Scott Hunter @ScottHunterHockey✓
I take it back I want no part of this and I’m blocking you all.
Hockey Updates | FAN @hockeyuodates
Season over! See you soon. Trades to be expected… so keep an eye out.
Shane @shanehollander ✓
@ilyarozanov so I won the bet lol.
ram @hollanderhockey
I wonder how Hayden is taking all of this
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Hayden @haydenpike ✓
I accept. Besides free babysitters I can’t complain. But for the pain they put me through I’m exposing their asses.
🦖@leeknowsauraus
I have a question, they’re totally 100% fucking so how are they maintaining a professional relationship on the ice??
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clo @wanted11
replying to @leeknowsauraus
Girl are you BLIND. Have yous even this motherfuckers on ice, winning is glory, gives bragging rights.
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arbeiten @haalandhere
replying to @leeknowsaurau and @wanted11
Seconded, I’m sorry but games are their foreplay I’m so serious and they both clearly want to win it so bad it’s both adorable and sexy.
shane @shanehollander ✓
how sucking dick one time make me gay? if i cook one time am i a fucking chef?
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seriene @seeieneeeee
replying to @shanehollander
but you are gay ?? Right??
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Shane @shanehollander replying to @serieneeeee
undeniably
ivo @sehnsucht
I’m still out here wondering is Shane Hollanders ‘wrong account’ was about his fan account of priv account
Shane @shanehollander ✓
I have both. But fan account.
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Ilya @ilyarozanov ✓
SHOW ME!