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Look, Steve’s not proud of it, okay? He’s not. It’s one of his most shameful secrets that he plans on taking to his grave. That doesn’t stop it from being true. It doesn’t make the jealousy stop burning him from the inside out. He wants to shake Dustin by his shoulders and beg him to stop comparing him to a ghost. It’s not a fair competition. Steve knows he’s not Eddie. He knows he’s the complete opposite of him. But, God, he was here first and that has to matter somehow, right? Or maybe it doesn’t, but he’s the one who is still here at the very least, even if that line of thinking makes him sick. It’s not a dig on Eddie. Really, it’s not. Steve would give almost anything to have Eddie back if it meant Dustin would be happy again. Hell, he’d even swap places with him if Dustin truly preferred Eddie over him. Since that isn’t an option, he just wants to be enough of a reason for Dustin to keep living. Eighteen months later and he still doesn’t know if he is. It hurts. It fucking hurts a lot. So, Steve walks away from Dustin on the floor after their scuffle and says he’s done with tears in eyes.
Where did it all go wrong? Steve knows this distance between him and Dustin started before Eddie died. He thinks it might have even started before Eddie and Dustin met and became fast friends. There’s a part of Steve, buried deep down, that wishes Dustin is as jealous of Robin as he is of Eddie. He knows that’s fucked up. He knows it’s wrong. But he just wants to be as important to Dustin as Dustin is to him. They were two lonely boys when they met, but that loneliness swiftly dissolved on the railroad tracks. Steve didn’t think that would have been possible with anyone else. He didn’t want it to be.
He walks up a couple flights of stairs, but he knows he’s not leaving Dustin too far behind, not here in the Upside Down. Steve leans his back against the wall and finally lets the angry, hot tears drop. He knows he went too far with the vitriol he spewed about Eddie, but he couldn’t take it anymore. It finally hit him that he was always going to fall short when up against Eddie’s sacrifice and death. No matter what he did, Eddie will have always done more for Dustin. Is that why Dustin hated him so much now? Would Dustin even be this upset over him if he died? Steve isn’t so sure and that breaks his heart.
Just as Steve is about to head back down to Dustin, he is pushed back into the wall by a hysterical Dustin screaming into the broken radio. Alarm bells ringing in his head, Steve set off after the boy, but a giant blast rocked the building. He hears a hard thud a couple flights above and runs. He has to get to Dustin. It’s the only thing that matters.
“Dustin!” His eyes scan over his body on the floor with his eyes disoriented for a few seconds. Steve drops to his knees and roams his hands over his friend’s body looking for injuries, but stops when Dustin’s hand grips his shoulder.
Steve pays attention to every word Dustin says like it’s the most important thing in the world (because it actually is). Nancy and Jonathan need help is his main priority after absorbing all of Dustin’s new information. His tunnel vision is so strong that Dustin’s pleading will not stop him from his mission. He and Dustin can talk later. It’s time for action now and action is what Steve does best.
Except maybe not this time because one second, Steve is ready to cross that ladder, and the next, he has his arms full of a sobbing Dustin begging him to rethink things, to not get himself killed because he can’t handle it again, especially not him. Steve’s brain chemistry rewrites itself and all he can focus on is how fucking stupid he’s been. He feels most of his jealousy towards Eddie fading away like a weight is lifted off his chest and Steve can breathe deeply for the first time in 18 months. Dustin cares about him. Dustin needs him. Dustin loves him. Just as much as Steve feels that way towards him.
Steve finds he doesn’t care if this really is the end for them now. Dustin gave him his happy ending and it’s more than he ever wanted.