Chapter Text
James and Sirius are closer than most friends are that’s always been obvious, both to themselves and to everyone else around them.
The only issue is that anyone who sees them together usually assumes that they’re in a romantic relationship. And the weirdest part is that James can kind of understand why they think that. For example, Sirius is fidgety and one of his favourite things is to play with James’ hands when he’s bored (says he likes how they feel for some reason) and since James is the only person he fidgets with, the rest of their friends always swap knowing looks with each other as if it proves anything. These knowing looks are often swapped on other occasions as well, such as when they all stay up late and Sirius one how ends up falling asleep, draped around James, clinging on like a koala. Or when James’ latest attempt at a date doesn’t work out since the girl he was supposed to be seeing stands him up, but he still wants to go out anyway, so he’ll drag Sirius along to a cafe with him instead and they’ll share a hot chocolate.
So yes, James and Sirius are definitely quite close. That fact is basically unarguable.
Maybe that’s why when they’re fifteen, James’ parents sit him down in the living room, and ask him gently if there’s anything that he wants to tell them. He knows what they’re hinting at, of course, but he genuinely isn’t sure what the answer is to that question. After all, he has a feeling that he probably isn’t straight but he doesn’t really know if he’s queer or not yet. In fact, he isn’t really sure about much, so he doesn’t say anything at all.
Luckily, neither of his parents seem to mind his silence. Mother simply smiles and reassures him that they’ll always love him no matter what, and Father wraps him in a warm hug and adds that they’re proud of who he is becoming.
What also happens at fifteen, is that Sirius’ parents kick him out. ‘Being a fag’ is one of the things on the long list of reasons of why he’s no longer welcome in that home. Though maybe ‘no longer welcome’ isn’t the right way to say it, because Sirius’ parents have never been happy about him living in their house, so he was never really welcome in the first place. Although they chose to become parents, they were always very vocal about their disdain over Sirius being their child.
So Sirius shows up at the Potters, bedraggled from the rain, with only a small back pack slung over his shoulders. James has never been more grateful for his parents than in that moment, when his Mother ushers Sirius in without even questioning it, and his Father gives an understanding nod before going off to make some cocoa.
“My Mother called me a faggot because she caught me wearing makeup.” Sirius mentions later that night, since neither of them can get to sleep even though it’s well past midnight.
They’re both lying on James’ bed, ignoring the spare air mattress that’s on the floor. There’s a faint tapping coming from outside, of rain which is still falling heavily against the roof tiles. James has his arms wrapped around Sirius, but it’s mainly because he’s worried about his friend catching a chill as a result of being outside earlier without so much as a coat to shield him from the storm. There isn’t much more that he can do to prevent Sirius from getting cold, seeing as the duvet is already pulled up past both of their shoulders and Sirius has a hot water bottle tucked under his arm, but James still can’t help worrying anyway. He isn’t really sure how best to help or what to say, and it kind of bothers him since he isn’t used to feeling so useless.
“Mother got properly angry about it. Pretending as if she never saw it coming.” Sirius continues, humour mixing with the bitterness in his voice, “Like, she literally snatched my eyeliner and snapped it in half, then started screaming at me about how I’m going to Hell.” He lets out a half laugh, but it isn’t nearly as cheerful as usual, “I know that my Mother doesn’t actually believe in Heaven or Hell. If she did, then she’d at least try to be a better person.”
James nods, even though he doesn’t really understand it. He can’t imagine his own parents acting like that, and it makes his heart hurt to know that Wallburga can be that cruel towards Sirius.
“Don’t go back there.” James whispers, instinctively holding Sirius slightly tighter. That’s all he’s certain of right now, that he needs Sirius to be safe, and the only way he can insure that is by them sticking together. He dreads to think of what would happen if Wallburga or Orion managed to convince Sirius to go back to them.
“Wasn’t planning on it.” Sirius replies. Then after a moment, adding in a slightly softer voice, “Thanks though.” He seems to catch the sincerity that slips into his voice, clearing his throat before adding, “For letting me crash here, I mean. Don’t know where else I would have gone.”
James hums in agreement, loosening his hold on Sirius ever since slightly now that it’s definite that he isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
He leans down to press his lips to the top of Sirius’ head, smiling even though his hair is still a little damp from the rain. “Love you, y’know.”
And maybe it’s too affectionate or weird, but James decides that he doesn’t really care. He says it because Sirius needs to hear that someone loves him. And James does love him, unconditionally, sort of in the same way that he loves his other friends, yet almost deeper than that at the same time. He’s not really sure what to make of that little revelation though, so he simply closes his eyes as he feels sleep tug at him.
After that, James slips in and out of sleep. So there’s a possibility that he just imagines it, but at one point he’s pretty sure that Sirius lets out a little sigh of content and snuggles closer, dark hair splaying out across the pillow as he buries his face in the crook of James’ neck. And James knows full well that his best friend doesn’t really like dealing with sentimental feelings or stuff like that, but he swears that he hears Sirius utter a quiet, “Love you too, James.”