Work Text:
“Move.”
Louise jumped back as Tina forced her way into the home, baby crying in her hands and diaper bag hitting Louise in the blowback.
“Okay…? Hello to you too,” she said, rubbing her arm as she shut the door.
“We are about four minutes away from Ava having a complete meltdown unless she gets a diaper change stat,” Tina explained in her no nonsense, monotone sort of way. “Can I use your table?”
“Oh, uhh…”
“Unless you actually got the changing table like I asked?”
“Firstly, you’re going to have to be more realistic about what I’m willing to buy and put in my house for someone visiting maybe once a month,” Louise said. Then, registering her sister’s request, she cleared her throat and added, “Secondly, I don’t think the table is a good idea.”
Tina paused her shuffle towards the dining room, still patting Ava’s back to soothe her before the real waterworks started. She waited for an explanation. It wasn’t like the drop in was totally unexpected, they had lunch plans, but Louise looked totally caught off guard.
Shifting her weight between each foot, Louise started to talk more with her hands and gestured away from the area.
“I thought we were meeting outside, so the place is- the table, it’s- uh, not good. Dirty.”
Peering around the wall, Tina checked out the dining room table.
“There’s nothing on it. Come on, Jimmy Jr. is waiting for us in the car. I’ll put a towel down and clean up afterwards.”
“No no, it’s not that.” Louise’s face grew hot, she avoided eye contact, and her voice got louder to compensate for the “cool guy” tone she adopted when she forced casualness. “It’s not about the baby and her business, so much as the business she might… be around?”
The house fell silent as both replayed what was said. Even Logan back in master bedroom seemed to have stopped his search for a nice shirt. Louise stared at the ceiling like she hoped to be abducted by aliens, but that still didn’t solve Tina’s problem.
Face pinching in frustration, she shook her head.
“I’m not going to decode whatever secret message you’re trying to tell me when I’ve got a ticking time bomb in my hands. Just say whatever you need to say.”
“I had sex with Logan on the table.”
Tina blinked.
”Like an hour ago,” Louise added unnecessarily.
Oh.
Tina paused.
Tina reconsidered.
Then, Tina slowly backed away from the dining room.
Saving them both some dignity, they pretended as though the table no longer existed.
“Okay. So… we’ll do something else that doesn’t have an essence of horny.” Tina scanned the living room. “How about the couch? It’s kind of awkward positioning, but-”
“No dice,” Louise said, rubbing the back of her neck and awkwardly laughing it off. “That’s um… a favorite.”
Furrowing her brows, Tina asked, “Kitchen counter?”
“No.”
“The desk in your studio?”
“Nuh uh.”
“The love seat?”
“Be serious.”
“I’m trying!” Tina said, exasperated. “Why do you think I started with a COUNTER instead of a soft surface?”
Louise huffed. Put on the spot and forced to admit wayyy more than she wanted to, all of her higher level thinking flew out the window. Instead, she stumbled through the first solution that came to mind.
“What if… you went back to the car?”
The growl that emanated deep from within Tina shut Louise up in a second.
“I’m not changing my baby in my car when your place is right here. I’m also not changing her against a wall, so can you point me to ONE flat surface you and Logan haven’t defiled?”
Louise neglected to mention that the wall wouldn’t be an option then either.
It took a few more moments of calculating before she snapped her fingers.
“The guest bed!”
“Are you serious?” Tina’s doubt permeated the air. “A bed is the one place you two haven’t done it?”
“Well, we,” Louise mumbled quieter with each word, “didn’t wanna do sheets.”
“Oh my god.”
But Tina rushed to the guest bedroom anyway, shoving an emerging Logan into the wall and out of her path with no remorse and a loud thud. Bewildered, he held up his arms in shock at the brute force of it.
“What did I do??” Logan asked Louise, at a complete loss.
She shrugged helplessly and listened to Tina call from the guest bedroom:
“And I’m never bringing the kids over here again, by the way!”