The Square Confessor

by MA477LL

Summary:

It's been a number of years since the events of 'Bet You Awry.' Maybe it is finally time to right past wrongs.

Notes:

Reply to ivanolix's kiss fic-a-thon prompt on LOTS femlash LJ in two stories, the 'Over Again' series. The first one is 'Bet You Awry.' This is the follow up, six years later. You probably don't need to read 'Bet You Awry' to get this one, but it might help.

CHAPTER I

"Help us, mama!"

Kahlan can hear the squeals of laughter coming from her children. She feels something shift inside her, the ghost of a hand squeezing from inside. These days, that kind of joy coming from her daughters, can only mean one thing.

"Cara wants to eat Doly and Sonja!"

Her eldest, Kyla, the one that looks the most like Richard, comes tumbling into the room, face red with laughter and exertion, hazel eyes alight with merriment. Behind her comes Cara, dressed in her dark red leathers, her blonde hair longer than usual, some strands tied loosely at the back of her head to keep the longish hair out of her face.

It is braided in very much the same style she was wearing the first time Kahlan really ever saw Cara, when she had been beaten within an inch of her life and left to die by her sisters. That day, Kahlan had been set on confessing her; no questions asked. It is not a memory that makes her proud. She was harsh and quick to judge: in the wrong.

She'd rather not think about what could have been lost if Richard had not stopped her. How different the world may have turned out to be.

Particularly, her world.

Cara's cheeks are red, eyes bright from the wind and the sun of the road, but also, perhaps, from the joy of being here.

The expression on her face is that mix of amusement, fierceness and studied indifference that is purely Cara.

Kahlan can feel her heart picking up speed at the sight of the other woman. She is stunning, like always. Jagged. Strong. Alive in that unique Cara way that is so very alluring. In many ways, the Mord'Sith is like the wind of the deserts they travelled together all those years ago: cutting, bright, harsh.

Blistering.

Kahlan feels a shiver go up her spine when they make eye contact. Lately, a new, exciting mix of feelings takes over her body whenever they meet. Although, when she is truthful to herself, she knows it is not new; it is that same dormant, secret affection that has always been there, hibernating, and that is now irrepressibly bubbling to the surface, splitting the seams of her tightly controlled life.

Perhaps, it is simply that she has lost the will to continue ignoring it.

Cara is holding Kahlan's twin daughters under her arms, carrying them like two small sacks of potatoes. The four-year old girls are trashing weakly against her, too overcome with laughter to cause Cara any real concern of dropping them.

"She is going to eat them, mama!" Kyla shouts again, tugging on her mother's white robes.

"I have travelled a long distance today and I am very hungry," Cara says, her voice low and rough, threatening. She nods at Kahlan, giving her that slow, appraising, once-over look that only Cara can get away with, before turning to the oldest girl.

"You know that piglet with roasted potatoes is my favourite, Kyla," Cara adds conversationally.

"We are not piglets!"

"They are not piglets!"

The three children shout at once, amidst much giggling and laughter.

Kahlan can only smile. She loves seeing how the girls are with Cara.

How Cara is with the girls.

Cara fakes a look of deep confusion and looks at Kahlan as she drawls, "are they not?"

She moves her face closer to Doly, pretending to be smelling her for a moment, then, turns to do the same with Sonja. Almost immediately, she straightens up and shakes the girls in her arms slightly, making them bounce around and cry out in joy again. She talks to Kahlan over the shouts of the girls. "They certainly sound and smell like piglets to me, Mother Confessor."

The children only squeal in laughter even louder, proving Cara's point that they do sound like little piglets.

Cara only raises her eyebrows at Kahlan, still holding the girls.

Kahlan is smiling so wide that her cheeks hurt.

Cara gives them another gentle shake and then, she sets the girls down on the floor, careful to keep them away from her agiels. Doly immediately latches on to her right leg, wrapping herself around it, whilst Sonja runs to her mother's arms, eyes bright and struggling to catch her breath after having laughed so hard.

Kahlan can only smile at the girls and shake her head at Cara for making them so excited before bed. Also, for calling her Mother Confessor. She hates to hear the title coming from Cara.

"Kyla, give Cara a kiss and take the girls to your rooms. It is time for your bath." She smiles at her daughters as they start to protest and moan, but mostly, at the constipated look that takes over Cara's face as she bends down slightly to accept the sticky kisses from the three girls.

Serves her well for calling me Mother Confessor, Kahlan thinks looking away for a moment, trying to hide a smile. They normally see Cara in the flesh two, maybe three times a year. More often in wizard's fires of course, but it is indeed a rare treat to see her so soon after her last visit, just over a moon ago, so Kahlan can fully understand her children's excitement at seeing the blonde, and their frustration at having to leave so soon. Before the situation can turn disorderly though, Kahlan uses her Mother Confessor's voice. The one the children know to abide by.

"No complaints, young ladies. Get going. If you wash up and get into bed quickly, Cara and myself will go to your rooms in a little bit to say goodnight." It is all she has to say to convince the girls to get moving. Kyla holds Doly's hand and Doly grabs onto Sonja, and the three of them make their way out of their mother's room, followed closely by Kahlan, who makes sure their babysitter, Martha, is waiting on the other side to take care of them.

When the girls are gone and the door that connects their rooms is closed, Kahlan finally turns to Cara.

This is Cara's favourite moment whenever she comes back to Aydindril.

The few seconds when she does not know what Kahlan will do.

Sometimes, Kahlan only smiles and asks about her travels. Most often, however, and particularly recently, she comes to Cara and touches her in some way, perhaps a hand on her arm, a kiss on the cheek or a half-embrace. Even more rarely, Kahlan gives her a full hug.

It must be Cara's lucky day, because Kahlan charges her with a determined look and gives her a crushing embrace that lasts for a long time. So much so, that Cara actually returns it somewhat, moving one of her arms around Kahlan and patting her on the back in that slightly awkward way she has developed to touch-but-not-really the other woman. She even closes her eyes for a moment, breathing in and allowing herself to feel all the places where their bodies are pressing against each other.

Then, when Kahlan pulls away, she also gets a kiss, and because Cara is who she is, she moves her head slightly at the last possible second, so that Kahlan kisses her on the corner of the mouth, catching more lip than cheek.

"Cara." It may have been intended as a warning, but it comes out as a breathy whisper. It makes Kahlan blush as she disentangles herself slowly, taking a small step back as she smiles at the Mord'Sith.

It has been years since Cara let the façade fall where the confessor is concerned.

It would be useless anyway.

It had begun all those years ago. At an inn in Kelton, when she was too stunned and torn by her loyalty to Richard to do anything more than just stand there after Kahlan had kissed her. The other shoe had dropped a few years later, before the twins were born. Kyla was kidnapped by emissaries from a rebellious tribe from the North. It had been a time of uncertainty and power struggles all over the Midlands and D'Hara. Cara had crushed the rebellion and returned the girl unscathed in just a few days.

But there had been consequences.

Kahlan had entered the Con Dar when she found out about Kyla's kidnapping and, in her fury, she had confessed a room full of advisors and palace helpers. Kahlan had told them all, later, to forget everything, to go on with their lives as if nothing had happened: a lie, of course, for nothing can be left to return to after confession.

Cara had been there too; the only one with a will remaining after it was all said and done.

It had shaken Cara: to remain herself.

It had shaken both of them, confirming something they have never wanted to know. They have never spoken of it, either. Not amongst them; not to others. A truth never acknowledged, but there just the same. Yet another thing, really, to bound them together and, at the same time, keep them apart.

It weighted on Cara then, to be so exposed. But somehow, it also freed her. If she had to live with such a weakness, she might as well do it with a certain dignity. She will notbe pitied. She will not pine for Kahlan like a lovesick village woman.

Perhaps, however, she has tried to rationalize things over the years. Maybe she has told herself that it is just because she has eyes that she finds Kahlan attractive.

Attraction.

Desire.

That is something she can manage. Something smaller. Something that fits inside her chest.

And thus, she has given it that name, so that she may call upon it and bend it to her will, and not the other way around.

It was around the time of Kyla's kidnapping that she embarked in her little game, convinced as she is that she is not risking anyone's heart. Hers, because that is the one muscle in her whole body she feels no interest in. Kahlan's, because she is in love with Richard. So there is nothing to regret or feel foolish about if she keeps throwing appraising glances Kahlan's way. If she steals a kiss. It is how she copes: how she bends the other thing in her chest, until it looks only like desire.

Plus, pain is something that Cara enjoys almost as much as pleasure. Just now, the long hug and near kiss has her throbbing with pleasure but also, with pain. Both extremes are equally easy to dismiss from her mind.

It is her training, after all: her very core.

Kahlan takes another small step away, putting a bit more distance between them, but without pulling away completely. She grabs one of Cara's gloved hands, caressing the back of her hand through the leather. For a moment, Cara thinks Kahlan is going to tug off the glove and reach for her naked palm. She is not particularly fond of holding hands with anyone, but this is Kahlan. She can touch her anywhere, anyway she wants. It could never be unwelcome.

"When did you get here?" Kahlan asks in a strange tone of voice. Almost intimate.

Cara raises an eyebrow at that, looking pointedly at their joined fingers for a second. Kahlan is being overly affectionate. That only breeds misery as far as Cara's experience goes. A question is on the tip of her tongue before she shrugs slightly and dismisses whatever she was going to say. It is how things have always been between them, she supposes: Kahlan sets the pace, and she falls in line.

"I got in just now. I was leaving the horse at the stables when Doly found me." Cara answers.

Kahlan only nods. There is something between her youngest girl and the Mord'Sidth. Doly is a bit smaller than Sonja: she was born second, and has always been a quiet, observant child. She dominates over her sisters without the other two even noticing. They do whatever she says, play whatever game she chooses. And because Doly adores Cara, the other two do the same without question. Not that Cara would fail to claim the hearts of her daughters regardless, but Doly's devotion marks the way.

"I was not expecting you back this soon," Kahlan smiles as she speaks, she is delighted to see Cara and does not want the Mord'Sith to feel unwelcome. She clarifies, just in case. "Nevertheless, I am glad to see you," she squeezes Cara's fingers as she finally takes in the other woman from head to toe. Cara looks dishevelled for her standards. Her hair slightly wild, her body thinner than she can ever recall, her leathers dusty from the road.

Life is hard outside the walls of her palace. Kahlan knows this, but somehow, looking at Cara, she feels like she has forgotten exactly how much.

"I was on my way to the border with Westland when we received word from Richard," Cara reaches inside her leathers and pulls out a piece of parchment, handing it to Kahlan.

"We?," Kahlan asks absently as she reads, blushing again. The note is warm from Cara's body and for a crazy moment, she is tempted to bring it closer to her face to try and catch Cara's scent. It is written in Richard's hand, but it only says to meet him at Aydindril's palace as soon as she can travel back to the city.

"There has been some recent reports of unrest west of Kelton, close to the border with Westland. I was scouting the area with a small group of soldiers," Cara explains.

"Oh." Kahlan did not know of this. "Where have they gone? Your soldiers, I mean. Are they with you? They can stay at the Palace, too." Kahlan looks up as she asks, her eyes cutting towards the balcony and the court underneath.

"They are not here. Ivan continued onwards to Westland, and Dahlia waits for me, in Kelton. I will join her as soon as I am done here, and we will follow the others," she explains.

If Cara sees the frown that takes over Kahlan's face at the mention of Dahlia, she chooses not to notice. For some reason that she has never understood, Kahlan took a dislike to Dahlia as soon as they met seasons ago. But Cara does not need her captains -or her past lovers- to be approved by anyone, much less, the Mother Confessor. So she forges on, before Kahlan can say anything.

"Do you know what this is about?" Cara asks, pointing at the parchment. She was concerned on her travel north from Kelton, but after arriving at Aydindril, she has relaxed significantly. Whatever problems may lay in their near future, they do not reside here now.

Kahlan just shakes her head. "No. Richard is not even here. He left for the People's Palace almost a moon ago, around the time you last visited. He said he would be away until spring." If Richard wants all three of them here for some reason, it is the first she hears. Things have been difficult with Richard recently, but that is not something she needs to discuss with Cara right now. She hands back the paper reluctantly and watches with avid eyes as Cara sticks it back inside her leathers.

"Well, I came back as fast as I could, very nearly killed my horse," Cara's eyes narrow in mild annoyance. It is what horses are for, but hers is a good mount. In fact, she thinks she likes her horse better than the vast majority of people she knows.

She shrugs as she looks towards the balcony for a moment and nods. "He is on his way, I guess he must be delayed, saving kittens or orphans somewhere nearby," she mumbles. Then, she looks down at herself and smiles ruefully, rolling her eyes slightly, "and speaking of travelling, I think it is not just the girls that are in need of a bath."

Kahlan catches herself before she can give her opinion.

Cara smells wonderful to her.

She just nods. "Join me for dinner later?"

xxx

Cara has rooms in the palace, just across from hers. Kahlan makes sure that they are always ready for her.

She would like for the blonde woman to stay longer, to come by more often, but she understands that there are matters of state that need to be taken care of. That someone needs to travel the lands, to be visible to the common folk, to keep an eye out for unrest, for possible bouts of rebellion. Kahlan knows that in a world ruled by uncertain magic, there can never be peace. Not completely. She just wishes Cara chose Aydindril as the base for her travels, instead of the People's Palace.

Richard has been staying at D'Hara increasingly longer in the last few years, travelling back and forth between the two palaces, just as Cara does. It pains Kahlan that he can stay away for so long, when their daughters are here. That he never asks to take them with him.

To take her with him.

But she knows he does it for her: Kahlan would hate to be away from the girls. Also, because it is his duty. He has to rule over D'Hara. And Kahlan knows of duty, of what it does to a person. And so, she understands. Although maybe not all the time. Not on nights when she feels so alone in the big palace that her longing for the companionship she enjoyed on their quest to find the Stone of Tears becomes a physical pain.

She knows it is ridiculous and childish, but she has always felt jealous of Cara's time with Richard, and vice versa. These days, it is only Richard that she envies. It is his time with Cara that she covets.

There can be no comparisons across times, of course, because nothing could make her give up her daughters, but if she could separate that part of herself, the part that is a mother to three wonderful girls, Kahlan fears there would not much of her left.

And there used to be so much.

When she dares to think about it, she concludes that is part of the increasingly complicated reasons why she misses Cara so much when the Mord'Sith is away, and why it is a feeling that seems to be growing sharper, instead of going away, softened by time. Cara holds some of that old Kahlan. She carries it with her somehow, in how she treats her, in how she speaks to Kahlan. How she looks at her. And whenever Cara comes back, it is like she brings that part of Kahlan back with her.

xxx

Later that day, they have dinner with Zedd. He arrived just a candle mark after Cara, apparently also summoned by Richard, who is yet to make an appearance. It is very unusual for them all to be together, unless it is for some grand state affair that requires it, so it is with joy that they sit to dinner.

Cara has not seen him in nearly two winters and she realizes that she might have missed him somewhat. Not that she would tell him that, of course. She only shakes his arm when they meet, the wizard reaching to pat her arm a few times, pleased to see her.

Zedd looks older and more tired than Cara remembers. His appetite is as healthy as it has always been, though. She just barely avoids rolling her eyes and making a snide comment when he asks for seconds, thirds and even fourth helpings. He is still oddly funny and upbeat, annoying in that way only very powerful wizards can afford to be around someone like Cara.

He explains over dinner that he has been travelling the lands too, stopping infrequently at both Aydindril and the People's Palace. He complains about the food and the meagre rations he gets on his travels. Between dishes and around much food, he talks of his journeys with the sisters of the light. They have been searching for gifted young men and boys that may be trained to become wizards. For some reason that he cannot fathom and that worries him, in these last two, three winters, no powerfully magical children have been born, and what is even rarer, a number of pristinely ungifted children have.

Cara is mostly silent while Kahlan keeps the conversation going. If powerful magic has forsaken these lands, they may have to go into the Old World to seek it. It is not a pleasant idea.

When that conversation runs its course, Zedd tries to lighten the mood. He asks about the girls. He has not been able to meet them before dinner. Kahlan talks animatedly for a long while after that, regaling them with a number of funny tales about her family. It makes her feel somewhat guilty, because Richard features very little in them. He is not here, and she knows that she does not miss him as much as she should, but having Zedd, Cara and the girls in the Palace, close at hand, is somehow enough.

xxx

They are enjoying a sweet wine that Zedd has brought from his travels south when something changes in the air around them. Kahlan notices Cara frowning slightly, her gloved hand twitching minutely on top of the table, where it is resting.

"Richard is here," Cara says when she notices Kahlan's keen eyes are on her. She turns to look at the door.

Almost immediately, the door to the dining room opens and Richard walks in. He is wearing his red robes; the ones that mark him as ruler of D'Hara, the Lord Rahl. A few years ago, it would have been strange to see him in such clothing, but now, it is his usual wardrobe. He is flanked by a Mord'Sith and a Dragon Corp guard, but after Richard turns to say something to the Mord'Sith, they stop at the door, leaving Richard to walk alone into the room.

He smiles brightly at its occupants, almost bouncing into the room, reminding Cara of his daughters earlier that day.

"Richard!" Zedd is the first one to react, almost jumping up from the table. "It is good to see you, my boy."

The men hug for a moment, then, Richard turns to Kahlan and kisses her on the cheek, his arm touching her back in a slightly awkward way. Finally, he turns to Cara. They nod at each other. Richard knows better than to try and either kiss or hug the Mord'Sith. After they finish their greetings, they move back to the table, cleaning it, so they can study some documents that Richard has brought with him. They are old texts from the library at the People's Palace. They contain an old record, of a time when Rahl's magic was weakened to great peril of all living in D'Hara.

Richard tells them of his fear that what happened then may be happening again now.

"How can that be?" Cara asks. Rahl magic has been strong in D'Hara for centuries now. Her agiels are as powerful as ever. She reaches to touch one of them for a moment, feeling the reassuring, sharp pain that travels up her arm.

"It is an old historical account, difficult to understand. It uses words long forgotten. It speaks of the weakness in the twin house of Rahl, in the squared base that supports it," he pauses to look at Zedd, who just shakes his head in confusion, "Mirlan, the librarian, thinks that it refers to the fact that for as long as history has been recorded, except at that point in time, there has always been at least two living males of the house of Rahl," his eyes stay away from Kahlan as he explains.

"After he discovered that record, Mirlan found other older texts that also referred to the twin house of Rahl. They all seem to suggest great peril would befall D'Hara if there are not enough living males of Rahl blood," Richard explains.

A silence falls over them after that.

Even if Darken Rahl is still alive somewhere, that would mean there are only two Rahls alive right now, one if Darken is dead. The girls have Rahl blood, of course, but they are female.

They all understand what this means. If there is indeed need for more male Rahls, to hold the magic, they cannot be Kahlan's sons.

A boy confessor with Rahl blood is simply unthinkable. It is a future that already existed and can never be repeated.

Zedd is the first one to break the silence. He takes hold of the parchments to look them over, but he can read very little of what is written. He rubs his chin for a moment before speaking. "We must consult with Shota. Perhaps also travel to the Palace of the Prophets, to understand these texts better."

They all nod, but only Cara looks at Kahlan. The men keep their eyes averted. Kahlan is not looking at any of them. She is staring at the flames on the large fireplace, expressionless.

After some discussion, it is decided; Richard and Zedd will travel to the Old World to consult with the sisters of the light. They will travel to the People's Palace first, to get Mirlan, so that he can travel with them too. Meanwhile, Kahlan will travel to Agaden Reach, to see Shota. They do not trust her completely, so it is decided that Cara will accompany Kahlan. They will travel south from Aydindril, all the way to Kelton, where Dahlia and some of Cara's most trusted soldiers await. Then, they will cross the Rang'Shada mountains, towards the Reach, and hopefully, to Shota and some answers.

They will all meet back in Aydindril, in a moon's time.

xxx

After it is decided, there is not much left to do but rest and prepare for the journey ahead. Cara sends word to her people at Kelton with the change in plans that very same night, so that they know to await for her and the Mother Confessor. Then, she walks Kahlan to her rooms after they say their good nights. The men stay back, planning. They will depart immediately. Cara and Kahlan will travel in a few days, when Kahlan arranges for Dennee and the Council to rule in her absence. She will not leave Aydindril until Dennee is here, so her sister can stay with the young confessors.

It is late and the Palace is dark as they walk through the narrow corridors. They stop at the door to Kahlan's rooms.

There are too many things to say. So many, that there is actually nothing to say.

"Rest now. I will see you tomorrow," Cara says as she turns to go.

Kahlan grabs on to her arm, stopping the Mord'Sith before she can move away. Cara allows the touch. She always does these days.

"How did you know Richard was at the Palace," Kahlan knows the answer, but she wants to hear it anyway.

Cara takes a step away, dislodging her arm from Kahlan's grip.

She turns around as she answers, before continuing down the shadowy corridor.

"He is using the bond."

xxx

 

 

CHAPTER II

The following morning, when they say their goodbyes to Richard and Zedd, Kahlan hugs the wizard, then, she turns to Richard. She kisses his cheek and holds his hand for a long moment, before stepping back. There are tears in her eyes.

Cara just nods her goodbyes to both men. No reason to get sentimental. They will meet again in a few weeks time.

Travelling with Richard and Zedd are the sisters of the light that usually accompany the wizard, plus the Mord'Sith and the Dragon Corp soldier that came with Richard. Six unlikely companions for a difficult journey that will take weeks to complete.

Cara and Kahlan stay in the Palace courtyard side by side, watching them ride away from Aydindril until they disappear from view.

If Kahlan stands too close to the Mord'Sith, Cara pretends not to notice.

They spend the rest of the morning planning their own journey. Kahlan decides that they will travel with two of Kahlan's most trusted soldiers to Kelton, where they will join Dahlia and her soldiers for the rest of the journey. After that, she spends the day with her daughters. The journey to the Reach and back will take a number of weeks, perhaps not as many as Richard's journey, but she has never been separated from the girls for any significant amount of time. It is a hard decision: leaving them behind, but she feels she must go with Cara. The Mord'Sith and Shota have never been on the best of terms, and if Richard is right, and there is not enough Rahl magic in D'Hara, there could be disastrous consequences for them all. She cannot step aside as if this does not concern her or her people.

The meeting with Dennee later the next day goes as well as any meeting with Denee could ever go. She does not say anything at all to Cara, beyond giving her a nod of acknowledgement on meeting.

It is more than Cara thinks she deserves.

Cara stays out of Dennee's way as much as she possibly can. As far as Cara is concerned, Dennee is not unreasonable in her lingering anger. She did kill her that one time, after all, and Cara knows that is not something Dennee is likely to forget, regardless of how many years have passed.

Over time, Cara has come to realize that it is only the Mord'Sith that take a rather casual approach to dying: other people seem absurdly attached to the idea of growing old and toothless.

In all fairness, she considers Dennee a woman of honour. She is not sure that, if their positions were reversed, she would have refrained from trying to enact revenge. And so, if it was exclusively up to Cara, she would stay clear of Dennee. But she knows the distance between them pains Kahlan, who would like for things to be different between them.

When she can bother to think about it, Cara assumes it is probably because Kahlan thinks of them both as her sisters, and so, for Kahlan's sake, she tries her best to be civil, or compassionate, or whatever it is Kahlan would like her to behave like.

But there is nothing sisterly between Cara and any of the Amnells, to be damn sure.

xxx

The packing for their travel to Agaden Reach takes less than half a day. It used to be a daily occurrence not so long ago, after all: living on the road. In fact, Cara has been ready to depart since she arrived. She has no possessions to call her own, beyond her leathers and her agiels: her markings as a Mord'Sith. Much has happened over the years, but she is still true to who she has always been.

Perhaps she simply does not know how to be something else.

Kahlan invites Cara to dine with her sister and the children the afternoon before their departure, but the Mord'Sith declines. She decides to have dinner at one of the local taverns instead. She has been on edge since the night she had dinner with Kahlan, Richard and Zedd. Plus, having Dennee staring at her from across the table and listening to three little girls babbling about their daily happenings is not Cara's idea of a good meal.

A night out is what she needs.

She makes two mistakes, however; the first one, she chooses a tavern too close to the Palace.

When Kahlan comes looking for her after she put the children to bed, Cara is only on her fourth pint and mostly sober. That is her second mistake. She should have drankfaster, or maybe, slower. She is just at exactly that point where she is too drunk to care, but not drunk enough to ignore what goes on around her.

There is really nothing to say for the wench that is sitting on her lap, biting her neck, one hand inside the opening of her leathers: fondling.

xxx

Cara meets Kahlan at dawn the next morning.

She looks at the confessor straight in the eye. She is not embarrassed of who she is, of what she does. She will not explain herself or make excuses.

Not even for Kahlan.

Kahlan tries to smile and act nonchalantly. She succeeds, mostly. But it is not easy. Last night she saw a side of Cara she was once familiar with, a side she once had no problem with, but she would not be the Mother Confessor if she could not acknowledge that she had not been prepared for the sight that met her at the tavern.

She knows she is upset. Upset with Cara, for making a spectacle of herself in that tavern, in front of everyone.

But there is more.

There has always been more: the nagging sadness that Cara would so freely share with others what she refused to share with her.

It is however not something she wants to think about right now. She needs to focus on their trip.

They mount their horses and join Ladrin and Tullion, who will ride with them all the way to Kelton. Kahlan saw Cara scoff at the notion of having the men accompany them, but she accepted Kahlan's decision without further complain. The four of them will travel south, avoiding the mountains to the west, and staying close to the river Kern. That will ensure fresh water and game to eat all the way to Kelton.

The first day they stop to rest a number of times. They do not speak much, weighed down by the silence of both women. Cara says nothing, because she has nothing to say. Kahlan, because the growing distance to her children feels like a physical weight on her shoulders, dragging her back in her forward momentum.

Also, because the uncertainty of what lies ahead occupies much of her thoughts, as do the memories of the last time she was in Kelton. Memories of a small inn and too much ale. Of an unreturned kiss that she has avoided thinking about for years and that somehow now, after seeing Cara with that woman at the tavern, is pretty much the only thing she can think about.

It is cold and by the time the sun starts to set they decide to set up camp. Ladrin and Tullion start a big fire. It is one of the benefits of the peace they have been enjoying in the Midlands. A fire at night is no longer a risk. Even so, they set up turns to keep watch. On that first night, Cara and Ladrin keep watch. Tullion and Kahlan will take their turn the next day. Cara is not sure she trusts the men yet, but she is a light sleeper and places her bedroll between the fire and a large tree, to ensure she might only be attacked from one flank: from where Tullion will be sleeping. That means that if anybody wants to get to her, they will have to go through him first. That should give her time to wake up.

She forces Kahlan to lay out her bedroll behind hers. To get to her, an attacker would need to get through both Tullion and Cara.

Cara likes those odds.

xxx

All the previous times, it started with an excuse.

As an excuse.

Sometimes, it was because of the cold. Sometimes, because they had to share a room and a small bed at a local inn. Sometimes, because one of them fainted after the other closed a wound with an agiel.

Although, Cara thinks, that one time may not have been an excuse.

When Kahlan had fainted after Cara closed up the wound in her thigh to avoid infection, she had landed at an awkward angle. Cara had regarded her for a long moment, pondering what to do. Her choices had been limited, really; either leave the Mother Confessor as she was or try to shift her body into a more comfortable position.

She told herself she did not particularly care about the comfort of a confessor, but if she left Kahlan like that, she would probably wake up with a number of cramping muscles, which will only slow them down and delay them further. So, with a huff and much eye rolling, Cara had knelt down and, putting one of her hands under Kahlan's face, rotated her inert body so that she could lay on her back. On touch, Kahlan had felt warm to Cara, and so, she had shifted her further, trying to keep as much of her body off the ground as possible.

How she thought that Kahlan was warm, when she was touching her through her gloves mystifies Cara to date. But it had felt like the confessor had been running a fever. In the end, it only made sense to sit with her back against the fallen tree where Kahlan had been sitting, and to shift the bigger woman so that her face and upper shoulders were resting on Cara's lap. She had even covered the confessor with her blanket.

Then, Cara had just sat there, awake, for most of the night, one hand on Kahlan's shoulder and the other on one of her agiels. The pain running up her arm had stopped her from thinking about anything she had no business thinking about.

After that, and over the years, much longer nights have come, but at that point, it had been one of the longest nights Cara had ever lived through.

And Cara knew.

Kahlan would have been just as comfortable with her head resting on Cara's backpack.

It had been an excuse.

Just like when, the morning after, she had taken off her gloves to help wrap a clean cloth around Kahlan's thigh. She could have easily done it with the gloves still on. She could have easily let Kahlan do it herself.

Cara shakes her head as she tries to stop remembering.

She almost never thinks of days past. The future, the past, they are immaterial. They don't exist as far as she is concerned; the future because it has not yet happened, the past, because it is lost forever.

Cara lives life firmly on the here and now. This moment is all there exists.

She looks at the stars above, at the fire slowly dying in front of her, at young Ladrin's sleeping form, anything to avoid further tangling herself into the cobwebs of memory.

She tells herself that this time, it is different. She is changed. By time, by distance, by one night at an inn in Kelton with Kahlan, and a thousand days alone and in the company of meaningless others.

When Cara wakes up Ladrin for his shift, and moves to her bedroll for a few hours of rest, she notices that Kahlan is shivering.

And it would be so easy. To revert back to old patterns. To go back to how things always ended up being when Richard was not with them. To all those nights they spent tangled up together, just to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened the morning after.

She could slip into her bedroll and pull the Mother Confessor to her.

It is a cold night, after all.

Cara knows she just needs to move closer, put her arm around Kahlan's waist and bring their bodies together. Her body remembers the motions. She is sure that Kahlan would not push her away. She feels the desire to reach out like a hot pulse beating under her skin, coiling in her chest like a snake waiting to strike, to take over her body.

She slips into her bedroll and turns her back to Kahlan, tired of all the excuses.

xxx

Even though they ride hard every day, trying to get to Kelton as soon as possible, their trip takes over a week.

On their fourth day of travelling, they are delayed by rain. They find protection in an abandoned barn that is mostly dry. The men sleep on the ground floor, while Kahlan and Cara settle in an adjacent, slightly elevated room that may have been used originally as a silo. There is a gap in the roof above that can serve as a chimney, and so, they start a small fire in the corner.

After some embarrassed fumbling to change out of her wet clothing, Kahlan sits as close to the fire as she dares. Cara remains in her leathers. They have resisted the rain well. After drying her hair and her leathers with a cloth she keeps in her bag, she joins the confessor next to the fire.

Although she keeps her distance, it is cozy and warm and Cara thinks, fraught with danger. They are sitting far too close. It is exactly the kind of situation Cara has learnt it is better to avoid where Kahlan is concerned. Her little games are not safe to play in such close quarters.

"I have been thinking about what you said the other day." Kahlan says.

Cara looks at Kahlan and waits. It seems to Cara that she has said many things lately. Silence is always the preferable option.

When Cara does not say anything, Kahlan elaborates, "about Richard."

Cara nods. That narrows things to a number of relatively safe topics. Cara hates gossiping, but if they have to talk, she much prefers it if neither she nor Kahlan are the topic of conversation. Still, she only hums in a non-committal way.

"You said that he is using the bond," Kahlan adds tentatively. She has no real secrets with Cara, and she is sure that, if prodded, Cara would have no secrets with her either. She is just never entirely sure she wants to know what goes on in the mind of the Mord'Sith, so she stays away from a number of topics when it comes to the blonde. And so, they have never really discussed the bond beyond what it means as an assurance of the continuing good health of Richard. Kahlan is not even sure if now, given that there are three Rahl girls alive, the bond would transfer to them immediately if something happened to Richard, and whether Cara would be able to tell the difference. Somehow, it feels like a rather intimate topic.

"He is using the bond," Cara confirms, nodding.

Kahlan lets a small smile grace her face as she regards the stubborn Mord'Sith. Sometimes, talking to Cara is like pulling teeth off a battle horse. Each word out of her mouth must be bravely won. "I am wondering what you meant by it?" And whether she should worry about it, but she does not ask that.

Cara shrugs for a moment, and Kahlan wonders if she is going to answer, but then, she starts to speak. "You know he foolishly resisted accepting his role as Lord Rahl for years," Cara rolls her eyes as she speaks, a strong note of criticism in her voice. "And so, the bond only manifested in its most basic form." She looks at Kahlan. "But, recently, there has been a shift in the bond," she pauses, looking for the right words. "It is- stronger: more intense. I can now sense where he is, at all times, when before, I could not always do it."

"Is he using it on you?" Kahlan asks.

There is a moment hesitation, "no." She rasps. "Not directly. Not to control me, if that is what you are asking." She does not say whether he is using it to control someone else. Cara is not sure if she knows. It feels different from when Darken used it on her and her sisters, but there is something about it that brings back memories of dark times best left in the past.

Maybe it is simply that she has grown unused to it.

Soft.

She frowns.

She could easily ignore the concern that is written in Kahlan's face, but for some reason that she does not stop to consider, she continues, trying to offer what she thinks are mostly empty reassurances. "It needn't mean anything, Kahlan," she shrugs as she finally looks away. "He may just finally be embracing his position."

Kahlan simply nods at that. She does not say anything else. She thought she had more to ask, but now, she finds that she does not. Cara may be lying when she says that Richard is not using the bond on her, but Kalhan doesn't think so. She might not be able to read Mord'Sith, but this is Cara. She knows her. She would able to tell.

This may simply be yet another sign that they are all changing, moving on. She would never hold Richard back, not when she feels in her heart that where he is going, she might not be able to follow; but she cannot stop herself from feeling that she has been left behind.

Perhaps by all the people that she once cared about.

xxx

After their night at the barn, Cara rides ahead with Ladrin most of the time. He reminds Kahlan a bit of Leo, in how eager and how smitten he already is with the Mord'Sith. He also tries to be charming in the same awkward, slightly annoying way of Leo.

It makes Kahlan realize that she has not thought about Leo in what feels like years. She feels guilty about having let his memory fade into the background of her current life. He was vital to their success and much was owed to him. She promises herself she will speak more often to the girls about Leo.

Fortunately, Ladrin refrains from offering Cara flowers, but their interactions only serve to make more obvious some of the ways in which Cara is different these days. Being outside the security of her Palace, thrown back together on the road for days, Kahlan sees a new side of Cara emerging. She realizes that, if anything, Cara has grown harder. More withdrawn and protected with strangers, more silent, if that was possible. She hardly even notices Ladrin's presence, and completely rejects all his attempts at friendship.

Maybe it is Kahlan that is changed though, because she definitely does not encourage the Mord'Sith to open up to his clumsy attempts at romance.

Just the same, Kahlan notices Cara eyeing him up and down a couple of times, and she is almost sure Cara will bed him when they get to Kelton. If not sooner. It is not a pleasant perspective.

She is thinking so much about that possibility, that she completely forgets about what awaits at Kelton.

Or, more precisely, who.

"Dahlia," Cara dismounts her horse and reaches out to shake arms with the other woman. For anyone who did not know Cara, it could pass as an indifferent greeting. But Kahlan catches the softening in Cara's voice as she says the name. The lingering touch of Cara's gloved hand on her arm. It immediately sours Kahlan's mood. And, all of a sudden, the idea of Cara and Ladrin together is not so upsetting any more.

Kahlan thinks that Dahlia is far, far more dangerous.

"Cara," Dahlia says softly as she smiles at the Mord'Sith. Her eyes sparkle with something other than friendship. There is an intimacy between the two women that speaks of things forbidden to Kahlan.

Then, Dahlia turns to greet the rest of their small group. "Mother Confessor," she vows slightly, "we have been awaiting your arrival for days." Kahlan notices that she moves her body closer to Cara as she speaks, shoulders resting lightly against each other. That Cara allows the touch speaks volumes to Kahlan. Dahlia indicates with her chin a number of men that are close by. "We are ready if you want to depart," she says this to Cara, waiting for the Mord'Sith to make a decision.

It makes Kahlan bristle: their intimacy, their easy comradery. She is the Mother Confessor of all the Midlands. She will make the decision on whether they depart or stay. She feels callow, but that does not stop her. She speaks before Cara can answer. "There is no point in travelling any further today, our horses are tired and the daylight is almost gone," Kahlan says, almost imperially. The light is quickly fading as the sun sets.

"Is there some place where we can spend the night?" Kahlan asks. She sends a small prayer that if there is, it won't be at the inn in the square.

Dahlia turns to address her again, nodding curtly. "The major has set up accommodation for you and your companions at local houses if you would like to use it."

"That is good to hear. I think we could all do with a bath and some warm food," Kahlan looks at Cara for confirmation as she makes her decision, pleased she will be able to avoid the inn, "we can depart tomorrow." Cara only nods back, her face expressionless. If she has noticed anything strange about the interaction that has just taken place between Dahlia and Kahlan, she keeps it to herself.

"Very well. As you wish, Mother Confessor," Dahlia answers as she stands straighter. It is a sign of respect, Kahlan knows. She chastises herself internally, trying to reign in her dislike for the younger woman.

Dahlia leads them to a nearby local house. It consists of a simple living space, with a strong fire going on in the hearth. At the back, Kahlan can see a sleeping area and a door that she imagines must lead to some sort of privy.

"This is the place the major selected for you, Mother Confessor," Dahlia smiles as she speaks, but there is something off about her smile. It is unnerving to Kahlan, because she has never been able to read Dahlia properly. It is different from how she cannot read Cara, but in a way, similar. But that cannot be, Dahlia is not Mord'Sith.

"I will let the major know you are here, he wanted to greet you," Dahlia continues as her eyes land on the basin at the back of the room. "Also, send someone with food and water for the bath."

"Thank you, Dahlia," Kahlan tries to give her a true smile, but her heart is just not in it.

Dahlia nods, turns around, and leaves.

Cara stays in the doorway, indecisive for a moment, looking at Kahlan.

They lock eyes and stare at each other in silence.

But Kahlan will not be conquered by silence. Not again. This much, she has promised herself on the way here. She hesitates for only a moment. "You can stay here too if you want, Cara," she pauses to take a breath, "this place is big enough for the two of us," she smiles shyly as she moves her arm, trying to signal all the empty space around her.

Cara looks at her for a bit longer in silence. Then, she nods, moving further into the room, and depositing her things on a nearby chair, "I am going to talk to Dahlia and the men," she says, "I will come back after I am done," and with that, she departs too, closing the door behind her.

Kahlan is left alone in the house.

Although she is not truly alone: she has all her doubts and unruly thoughts to keep her company.

xxx

It is hours until Cara comes back.

Kahlan is sitting by the fire, trying to stay warm. She had a chance to meet with the major before dinner and now understands that she will have to start travelling soon. Kelton and many other cities need the presence of a confessor. It is something she has been postponing while her children were still just babies, but she knows it is her duty to travel the Midlands. Her people need her.

She is preoccupied with such thoughts and many others, and so, she hardly even glances in Cara's direction when she finally comes back. She gestures towards the hearth, where a covered plate and two large buckets of water are waiting. "There is some stew there if you are hungry," Kahlan says. "I thought it was really good," she gives the Mord'Sith a small smile before turning to stare at the flames.

Cara approaches and takes off her gloves, moving her palms close to the fire, trying to get some warmth back into her fingers. She looks at the buckets and realises how much she truly needs a bath. She turns to look at Kahlan. The darker woman looks tired. Her blue eyes bright against her pale skin, bringing out her freckles. Despite the years, the bearing of three children, Cara cannot help but notice that Kahlan is beautiful as always. She is wearing a simple white shift. On top of it, she has a thick blanket thrown over her shoulders, covering much of her body.

There is a strange distance in her eyes. A shadow of tears that will not fall. They make Cara uncomfortable, and she wonders for a second if she should not have stayed away.

"Is there a bath in this house?" She asks in a flat voice.

Kahlan blinks her eyes at Cara and then nods, "yes." She shakes her head a bit. "Yes. Sorry, Cara, I am a bit tired after all the travelling." She smiles at the blonde, but like it happened before with Dahlia, her heart is not in it. "There is a basin at the back, I asked them to leave enough clean water in it so that if you add those two, it should be relatively warm." She explains as she points towards the buckets that are by the fire.

Cara regards Kahlan for a long moment. She opens her mouth to say something, but she thinks better of it. In the end, she only nods and turns to get the water. There might not be a way out of having a conversation with Kahlan eventually, to find out what is bothering her, but she might as well wash and eat before that.

She finds the basin in the room next to the bed. She does not bother closing the door as she strips off her leathers and slips into the tepid water. It is by no means warm, but it will do. She washes quickly, one eye on Kahlan, but the confessor never looks her way.

When she dries herself, she hesitates. She is unsure of what to wear. She rolls her eyes, annoyed that Kahlan's strange mood is affecting her as well. She steps back into the room stark naked, moving to the door where her backpack is still resting and grabbing a clean shirt, pulling it over her head and down her body in a quick movement, smoothing the soft clothing over her chest and stomach.

When she turns to walk towards the fire, she finds Kahlan's wide eyes on her, a bright blush covering her pale features.

Cara smirks for a second, raising an eyebrow in mock challenge. She has always enjoyed embarrassing the Mother Confessor. She moves a chair close to the fire, next to where Kahlan is sitting and takes the plate with the stew. Her shirt rides up as she sits and Kahlan cannot help but notice all the leg that is suddenly on display. She finds Cara's skin fascinating. She has seen Cara naked a number of times over the years, of course. They have shared baths and beds at godforsaken inns and swam together in lakes all over the Midlands. Plus, Cara has never been particularly modest when it comes to shedding her clothing. Still, it is a rare sight to see this much skin.

Perhaps what is rare is for Kahlan to allow herself to truly look. She feels her pulse increasing.

Cara is beautiful, there is no denying it. Just as there is no saying it out loud.

She watches Cara as she bends to pick a spoon and starts eating the stew in silence.

Kahlan means to keep quiet, or perhaps, to discuss something irrelevant, like the weather, the trip, this town. Maybe talk about her daughters. She knows Cara does not mind indulging her and listening when she drones on about her little girls.

She is dismayed by what comes out of her mouth instead.

"Did you sleep with her?"

Cara stops chewing, her jaw clenching visibly. She keeps her eyes on the fire in front of her.

A long silence stretches between them until Kahlan stands up from the chair.

"Cara, I-," one of her hands moves to her forehand, rubbing lightly, she laughs humourlessly "sorry, I have no right, it's just, seeing Dahlia-" she turns, giving Cara her back. "I-, I think I am more tired than I thought," she tries to smile, "there is just something about this town that-," she starts moving towards the bed, "I should not presume-," a pause, she does not know what she was going to say, what she could say.

A long breath of frustration, of sadness, of impossibility, of lost years, leaves her lungs.

"Goodnight, Cara," it is no more that a whisper.

Cara keeps eating her dinner.

It is a good stew.

xxx

 

 

CHAPTER III

When she finishes eating, Cara rises up to stand. It is late and darkness has fallen completely over Kelton. She stretches up, trying to relax muscles that have gone stiff after a full week of riding hard and sleeping on the ground. It is cold in the room and Cara is tired. Not that she would admit as much to anyone else, of course.

Truthfully, on most days, she would not admit it even to herself. She is certainly not in the habit of listening to her body silly complains and aches.

She moves towards the bed, striding confidently, as is her way.

Kahlan is lying on her side, her back to Cara. She is still awake. In fact, she stiffens up slightly, shoulders tensing, as she notices Cara's approach. She is feeling childish, foolish, very much below the dignity of her station. She regrets being here, with Cara, on this trip to nowhere that can only end up in heartache for her children, if they are to share their father with a second family. For an annoying second, there is an unwelcome sting of tears in her eyes, but she fights them back.

She is not sure what is it about this city that seems to push her into behaving like this, making unwanted advances on the Mord'Sith or asking about her whereabouts like a scorned lover. She tries to move even closer to the side of the bed, making as much room as possible for Cara. But there is really no more room to make, not without falling off the edge.

Cara sits heavily on the bed, unconcerned, making the confessor bounce slightly. She can tell Kahlan is not asleep. She makes sure that her agiels are within reach, should she need them in the middle of the night. Then, she slides under the covers and lies flat on her back, hands at her sides. It is not a big bed, but still, there is nearly an arm's length of empty linen between them. It is too cold in the room to sleep comfortably. Cara closes her eyes for a long moment, then she sighs in annoyance.

This will not do.

She will not let whatever absurd problem Kahlan seems to have with her get in the way of a good night's sleep, not when she could be doing more than just sleep with that fool Ladrin if she wanted. She fights off the temptation to rise from the bed and make the thought become the deed, letting Kahlan work out whatever is going on in her mind on her own. She scowls as she wonders when exactly she turned into someone that would choose to share a bed with the always chaste Mother Confessor over a gratifying evening of sex.

She turns on her side still frowning and moves towards the centre of the bed. She regards Kahlan's silhouette for a second before making her move. It is mostly dark in the room, as only the light coming from the dying embers of the fire breaks the darkness, throwing everything in shades. But still, she can easily see Kahlan's dark hair, the rythmical movement of her shoulders as she breathes, the sharp dip of her waist and the gentle flare of her hips.

It stirs something in Cara.

In her loins, of course, but also, in her chest.

It is that useless craving, that beast that is always lurking, waiting for Cara's moments of weakness: to pounce. It is the same hold, the same hook of years past. It is why she is in this bed when she could be in a number of other beds. She knows it. And she wishes, as always, that this unrelenting grip engaged only the lower half of her body.

She huffs in annoyance and wishes that, for once, she could understand Kahlan and her moods.

This is why she stays away from Aydindril, she thinks. She hates all the over thinking that comes with Kahlan's close proximity. She has been in this position before, sharing a bed with Kahlan, in this very same city, after another strange confrontation with Kahlan's feelings.

Whatever they may be. Cara frowns. She is not sure if Kahlan is jealous, and if so, why exactly. But truthfully, there are many things she is not sure of when it comes to the Mother Confessor.

A lifetime ago, Cara had told Kahlan that feelings made her weak.

Cara rolls her eyes as she remembers. There is something bitter-sweet about that memory: about those days they spent travelling alone, without Zedd. It was, she supposes, the beginning of the end for her. And she had been both right and wrong that day. Feelings do make people weak, that is something Cara is absolutely sure of, but what she has come to realize over the years is that Kahlan's feelings make Cara weak, not Kahlan.

Regardless, she confronts her weaknesses straight on, as always. There is no hiding from Cara. That other night in Kelton, she had ignored Kahlan's outpouring. She decides that tonight she will not, plus, it is too cold to sleep like this. And she is still thinking about how just a few nights ago she told herself there would be no excuses, when she reaches with a strong arm around Kahlan and, without hesitation, pulls the bigger woman back until their bodies are flush against each other.

"It's cold," she says.

"Cara," a whisper that conveys surprise and many other things.

"Kahlan." Cara says with authority, in a voice not unlike the one Kahlan uses when she is tired of her children misbehaving.

Kahlan lies still for a moment, unsure of what to do. It is not the first time they have lain like this, of course, and she wants this, but she is torn, unsure of herself. Unsure of Cara.

Cara moves her arm more firmly around her, hand pressing into Kahlan's stomach to prevent her from moving away, getting comfortable. Kahlan feels her heart pick up speed at the intimate touch. Something in her wants to put her own hand over Cara's and push it lower, or maybe higher. The mere thought brings heat to her cheeks and she is grateful for the darkness around them. Their legs tangle under the covers, as Cara's hips settle against Kahlan's backside, full breasts pressing into her back from behind, her face coming to rest against Kahlan's shoulder and neck.

Kahlan takes a calming breath before speaking.

"Cara, what are you doing." She asks in a voice that trembles slightly.

There is a moment of silence. "It is obvious what I am doing," a pause. "Stop being ridiculous and go to sleep."

Kahlan feels Cara's breath ruffling her hair. It is warm and comfortable for both of them.

Something unlocks in Kahlan's chest.

She thinks she might be able to go to sleep like this, after all.

xxx

Kahlan wakes up a bit after dawn, grey light coming in from the front window.

They have shifted during the night. Cara is now lying on her back, her face turned away from her. Kahlan is on her side, squeezed against Cara's side, one arm and leg thrown over the Mord'Sith, her face pressed against the side of Cara's head. She inhales deeply, and for a moment, squeezes her arm around Cara's middle.

Then, she lifts herself up on one elbow, regarding Cara. In sleep, she looks a lot younger, less intense. It is unusual that Kahlan can look at Cara in such proximity. She sees the tiny, soft blonde hairs that cover the golden skin of the Mord'Sith, the lines and scars that mar it. Each of them telling a story in themselves. She reaches to move a stray lock of blonde hair out of Cara's face, so that she can better regard her. Cara's lips are slightly parted, her long lashes fluttering against her cheeks as she starts to wake up.

Kahlan feels invigorated, rested, warm. Comfortable. She feels a hundred different things towards the Mord'Sith. Nearly all of them good. She knows with sudden certainty that she would like to wake up like this every morning.

Something like mischief enters her eyes as she leans over and kisses Cara's soft cheek.

"Don't do that." Cara demands in a voice rough from sleep.

"I won't." Kahlan murmurs as she leans over and kisses her again. This time, when she moves, Cara moves her face away. Kahlan kisses her on the corner of her mouth, catching a bit of her upper lip.

If Cara had not moved, Kahlan would had kissed her full on the lips.

Kahlan simply smiles after that, regarding Cara with curious eyes. They seem to eternally gravitate towards one another, but never at the same time. She pats Cara lightly on the shoulder and rises from the bed. "We have to get going, it is morning."

Cara stares at Kahlan for a moment longer, then, she also rises from the bed, discarding the shift she was wearing and walking to get her leathers.

Kahlan takes a long, hard look at Cara's defined back and feline-like movements. She blushes slightly and turns around to look away. She is glad Cara left her leathers by the door. If her back is almost too much, Kahlan does not even want to consider what it would had been like if Cara had put her leathers by the bed and had given her an eyeful of her front... bits.

She rolls her eyes at herself and her mental inability to use grown-up words when it comes to Cara's body. She is a mother of three, she mumbles to herself.

"Kahlan," Cara calls.

"Oh," she stops her mental dialogue, but keeps dressing, refusing to turn around, just in case. "Yes?"

"I am going to go check that the horses are ready for the rest of our journey." Cara says.

"Yes. Thank you, I will join you shortly," Kahlan answers. She starts dressing faster. She does not want that-, that woman, Dahlia, alone with Cara for a moment longer than strictly necessary.

xxx

As it turns out, she need not have worried about Dahlia.

The shorter woman stays clear of Cara and herself for most of their trip up the mountain. Cara does not seek her, either. While it is obvious that they have a past together, it appears that they are only comrades now. Dahlia even speaks of another lover, somebody waiting for her back at Stowecroft. It is irrational, and Kahlan is upset with herself for this, but the distance with Cara warms her to Dahlia, and for a moment, when they are riding near each other during a clear morning a few days into their travel, Kahlan is tempted to ask about her story. Their story. But Cara interrupts them and the moment is gone.

Later, Kahlan wonders if Cara interrupted on purpose. Something tells her the Mord'Sith reads her a lot better than she reads her.

At night, Kahlan tries to sleep close to Cara, moving her bedroll closer and closer to Cara's whenever they make camp. But the Mord'Sith is elusive and contact with her is difficult. She is tempted to tell Cara that she need not be afraid, that she is not going to try to kiss her again, but she cannot.

She is the Mother Confessor and she does not lie.

xxx

When they finally meet Shota, the witch is waiting for them. She is wearing a ridiculous white furry skin of some sort. It looks awful against her long red hair, but it makes Kahlan smile. She is not particularly happy to see the witch, but her presence brings back memories of past, mostly good, times.

Shota gives them an enigmatic smile, regarding their group carefully.

"What took you so long, Mother Confessor? Your visit is long overdue," Shota says, not one for greetings. She has been expecting this party for a long time, and their arrival is untimely. She needs to move lower into the mountain, to find some common rock-rose for one of her potions, and their bloom is extremely short-lived.

Kahlan is not really surprised at the question. "Did you know we were coming?"

Shota narrows her eyes as she nods, almost offended by the question. Of course she knew. The future, the present, the past, they hold no secrets for her. She sees them all: the ones that are, and the ones that could be. "Follow me," she signals impatiently as she starts moving towards a path between the mountains rocks.

They all move to follow, but Shota stops, raising a hand menancingly. "Only the Mother Confessor is welcome."

Cara takes a step forward, drawing one of her agiels and moving to stand by Kahlan. "I go where she goes."

Shota regards them, eyes narrowing. "Yes. Indeed, you will," she nods and turns towards the path, "very well, but nobody else."

Cara looks at Kahlan, not moving, "I don't like this. I don't trust her. We should all go."

Kahlan just shrugs. If Cara comes with her she is not worried, she knows Cara can handle the witch. "Let's just go with her. You can handle Shota if she tries anything."

Cara looks dubious, but then she nods and turns to the others, looking directly at Dahlia as she speaks. "Make camp here. If we are not back within a candle mark, follow after us."

With that, they move towards the path: it is narrow, running between the mountains. When Kahlan is about to enter, Cara grabs her arm. "I go first," she says, as she moves in front of Kahlan and starts to walk, both agiels drawn out.

They move between the rocky walls, walking the narrow path into the mountain for less than half a mile. At the end, it opens into an unexpected clearing that looks like a garden. "Magic," Cara bites off the word with distaste: it is the only possible explanation, such flowers and trees could not live up here in the mountain unless some sort of magic is involved.

Shota is standing by a small well in the middle of the garden.

"I knew you two would come, but I thought it would be sooner," Shota says. "Much sooner." She frowns. "You have delayed things unnecessarily, at the peril of many, confessor. Are you finally ready to embrace the past and square the future base? You have sidestepped it for long enough."

Kahlan does not know what Shota means, but it is her way, she knows, so she is willing to just listen for now. The texts Richard showed them did speak of a squared base to support the twin house of Rahl. Maybe Shota will explain what that means.

Cara, however, is not as patient. She has never excelled at patience, which she regards as an inferior virtue, only useful to those who wait in life. Cara does not wait: she acts. "Speak plainly, witch, we are not here to listen to your riddles." She moves closer to the older woman, agiels still drawn, threatening. "Do you know what is happening with the magic in D'Hara?"

Shota looks at Cara, unamused. "Your role in all of this has been unexpected, Mord'Sith. I did foresee it, of course, but it took me a long time to fully understand it." She shakes her head then, dismissing Cara and turning to Kahlan, raising her arm. "Come."

Cara steps between them, blocking Kahlan's path, but now it is Kahlan that asks to lead. "Let me, Cara, it will be all right," she says softly, her hand on Cara's arm, caressing lightly, trying to calm her down, "this is why we are here."

Cara stands still, tense, but finally, she steps aside. "No funny business, witch." There is ice in her voice. She will not hesitate to hurt her if she as much as harms a single hair on Kahlan's head.

Kahlan moves towards the well. Shota mumbles some magic words and then steps aside. "Look at the present that could already be," she takes another step away. "It is your future."

Kahlan looks for what later would feel like hours, but in reality is no more than a minute. Something starts to happen almost immediately, a light coming from inside the well reaches around Kahlan, surrounding her, and she leans forward, closer to the edge and the water, as if drawn by the light.

Cara is immediately on the move, ready to jump in and drag Kahlan away from the well, when the light suddenly reaches to engulf her as well, freezing her in place. There is a blast of light that pushes them both a step back, and then, nothing: the light disappears, as if drawn into Kahlan's body. Kahlan leans back, turning away from the well, shaking. She looks at Cara, who has been released from whatever hold the light had on her and is quickly approaching. Tears gather in Kahlan's blue eyes. She stands up straight only a moment longer, before her eyes roll into the back of her head and she falls to the hard ground underneath.

xxx

"Kahlan."

"Kahlan."

"Kahlan, wake up." There is a trace of impatience in the voice that keeps calling her name.

When she finally opens her eyes, she notices Cara's green eyes first. Kahlan is lying with her head on Cara's lap, one of her gloved hands touching Kahlan's shoulder and the other by the side of her face, close to where it hurts. Her mind is not yet fully awake, and the world feels as if it is moving in slow motion. She hears the cracking of a fire nearby, she sees the wind ruffling Cara's blonde hair, the worry in the eyes looking down at her.

But then, she blinks and the world narrows down, and starts moving at a normal pace.

She moves her hand to touch her forehead, "What-," but Cara catches her hand.

"You fainted." Cara says. It almost sounds like a reproach, "and you hit your head." A small pause. "I didn't have to time to catch you, and then you wouldn't wake up."

Well, that certainly explains the pain on the side of her head.

Kahlan tries to move, but she feels a wave of dizziness overtake her, so she rests back against the Mord'Sith. She smiles faintly, focusing again on her face, noticing her scrunched up brow, "what happened."

"You fainted and hit your head, and you wouldn't wake up." Cara repeats, as if Kahlan has already forgotten.

Kahlan tries to roll her eyes, but her head hurts. "I know that, you just told me," she says.

"That is all there is to tell," Cara says, frowning.

Kahlan nods slightly. "Help me up?"

Cara moves one of her arms under Kahlan's shoulders and with a bit of help from Kahlan, manages to rise Kahlan into a sitting position. It is darker than it was before. "How long was I out?" Kahlan asks.

"Almost a couple of hours," it sounds like an accusation again.

Kahlan looks around. She is no longer in the clearing with the garden, but on the other side of the narrow path. Cara must have carried her back to this side of the mountain. The idea of being held is pleasant, and warms her up slightly, making her more concious of how much the temperature has dropped. She can see two fires in the clearing. One is a couple of feet away from where Cara and herself are, and a bit further away, there is another one, where Dahlia and a couple of the men are seated. She makes eye contact with the younger woman, who smiles her way, obviously relieved to see her awake.

"Where's Shota?" she asks Cara, trying to borrow closer into the other woman. It is cold in the mountain.

There is a long silence, so much so, that Kahlan turns to look at Cara. It is not easy, as she is leaning quite heavily against her and she has to crane up her neck to make eye contact. When she finally does, Cara replies, almost sullen. "I wasn't happy with how things went in the garden. She did something to you."

"Cara?" there is concern in Kahlan's voice.

"I may have agieled her a bit," a breath, "and tied her down."

"Cara!"

"What was I supposed to do? You fainted!" she says hotly, "and you hit your head." She explains for a third time. "And you wouldn't wake up." Again, the accusation, as if Kahlan could have willed herself to wake up earlier, if she wanted. Kahlan understands that those three things, together, probably justify any and all measures as far as Cara is concerned.

She regards Cara's face in silence for a long moment, then, she moves her hand to smooth the soft skin between Cara's eyebrows with her thumb. "I'm sorry," she says.

Cara reaches up, grabbing Kahlan's hand and putting it back over the confessor's stomach. "What for," she asks gruffly.

"For scaring you," Kahlan whispers.

A muscle twitches on Cara's face. "I was not scared," she says. "I am afraid of nothing."

"I know." Kahlan gives her a soft smile.

"You have to let Shota go," Kahlan adds. "What she showed me-," she closes her eyes for a moment. Stopping. Then, she takes a breath and whispers, "it wasn't bad, she didn't hurt me, Cara," she tries to appease the Mord'Sith, reaching for her gloved hand.

Cara is silent for a long time after that, as if judging the truth in her words and balancing it against her desire to punish the witch.

"Fine," Cara signals for Dahlia to come closer. Dahlia approaches them with a smile on her face. It makes Cara even more aware that Kahlan is sitting almost on her lap. Dahliaknows, of course. She has never told Dahlia about Kahlan, but it does not matter; Dahlia has always known just the same.

Cara's voice is sharp. "Bring the witch." She is not amused, neither to have to release Shota, nor that her troops may regard her with something other than fear or respect. Dahlia is not just anyone, though, and Cara can feel her anger deflating almost as quickly as it arose. Dahlia comes back soon, pushing at Shota, who has her hands tied behind her back. Her white coat is dirty and her hair looks slightly mused, but other than that, she appears mostly unharmed.

Thanks the Spirits, thinks Kahlan.

"Please, let her go, Dahlia." Kahlan asks. Dahlia looks at Cara for confirmation before releasing her. For some reason, this time, her checking with Cara first does not bother Kahlan.

Cara nods once.

"Shota, please forgive us. Cara thought you had done something bad to me. You are, of course, free to go." Kahlan speaks softly, she hopes Shota is not upset, witches are not particularly well-known for their level-headed reactions.

"Thank you for what you showed me," Kahlan adds softly, blushing slightly.

Shota regards them for a long moment, rubbing her wrists. "There are other possible futures, Mother Confessor. It is up to you to make it become the one that comes true." Then, she throws a dirty look towards the Mord'Sith, turns around and departs without uttering another word. She thinks she might still have time to gather some rock-rose blooms if she hurries.

Kahlan releases a breath of relief as she sees her disappear up the path. She leans back into Cara for support, closing her eyes.

Her head hurts.

"I am cold," she whispers in a rough voice. It makes something in Cara's chest hurt.

That night, Kahlan gets her wish.

Cara sleeps next to her, one of her arms wrapped firmly around her middle. It is the best any of them has slept since they left Kelton.

xxx

The following day, Kahlan is not entirely recovered from the hit on the head. She wakes up dizzy and unstable on her feet. They consider staying there for one more day, but Cara is restless and does not want to risk staying any longer, wary of Shota and her crazy moods. And so, after an early lunch, they break up camp and ride down the mountain, trying to put as much distance as possible with the witch.

Cara rides with Kahlan, to ensure there are no further fainting spells. Kahlan takes the front of the saddle, so that Cara can keep an arm around her and make sure she will not fall off the horse.

It is the longest day of riding Cara has endured in years.

Cara wonders about time, and how Kahlan's presence makes it pass so much slower. She puts her agiels in her backpack, not to injure Kahlan inadvertently, so she cannot even hold on to them to distract her from the torture that is having the Mother Confessor in her arms. Rubbing constantly against her thighs, her legs, her breasts and stomach. Kahlan is warm and soft and rounded in all the right places. It makes Cara appreciate her Mord'Sith armour more than ever, and particularly, her gloves. She is not sure she could withstand this if she was actually touching Kahlan's skin.

They do not talk much for the first few hours, but as the afternoon advances and the setting sun warms their sides, Kahlan finally seems to rouse herself. She caresses Cara's arm, her hand and fingers, almost absently, putting her hand on top of the Mord'Sith, leaning back more purposefully against Cara.

It is the best day of riding Kahlan has enjoyed in years.

She talks of her children. Of Doly, who is wonderfully insightful and curious for her age, but also, worryingly silent. She tells Cara of how Doly and Sonja always want to hear the tale of Cara the Princess, and how beautiful she looked in her pink dress and tiara.

It just goes to show how silly little girls are that this particular tale is their favourite.

"It was a stupid dress, completely impractical for fighting," Cara grumbles.

"It suited you." Kahlan says. "You never told me, was showing inapropiate amounts of cleavage part of the contest?" Kahlan teases lightly as she cranes her neck to steal a look at the Mord'Sith. "You must have done very well in that part."

Cara is smiling.

They are silent after that.

Kahlan's scent invades Cara's nostrils until it is all she can smell, all she can think of. She feels all the places where they are touching. Her own breath becoming ragged as the afternoon advances, her heart beating stronger, wetness building between her legs. The movement of the horse makes their bodies come together in a rhythm that is as old as the hills. It is the pace of slow, sweet, gentle lovemaking. Something Cara has never engaged in, but still, her body recognises it: knows it as well as the pain of her agiels.

And there is pain. An ache in her centre that builds steadily throughout the afternoon until it is nearly impossible for her not to pounce on Kahlan. She has to bite the inside of her cheek until it bleeds, to stop herself from rubbing more purposefully against Kahlan, from letting the hand on Kahlan's waist wander, pressing the confessor into her own body.

When they finally stop for the night, Cara's legs tremble on touching the ground and she has to steady herself for a moment before she can help Kahlan off the horse. Kahlan looks into her eyes once she is on the ground, noticing Cara's breathing, her dilated pupils.

She is not that naïve, she recognises the signs of arousal, but she is still unsure of herself, of Cara, and so she does not claim what is clearly hers to take.

Cara leaves camp after making sure Kahlan is all right. She goes to gather some wood and wash in a nearby pond. As soon as her body is immersed in the water, she lets her fingers take care of the ache between her legs. It takes embarrassingly little effort, but she has been aching for this relief. She calls back on the memories of riding pressed up against Kahlan's body, and with a few well placed strokes, she is coming, whispering Kahlan's name into the growing darkness as her body trembles with the aftershocks of release.

It is only desire. She keeps telling herself on her way back to camp.

But even so, she feels her control slipping. It is the last time Cara touches Kahlan on their travel back to Aydindril.

Cara does not ask Kahlan what she saw in the well and Kahlan never mentions it.

If Shota had wanted Cara to see it, she would have been called forward.

But Cara knows. Whatever Kahlan saw, it involves her.

She can see it in the way Kahlan looks at her now. So she keeps her distance. Long enough she has pretended that the kiss at the inn in Kelton did not happen, that the events after the kidnapping of Kyla did not happen. That that something, that thing that uses most of the space in her chest when she is near Kahlan, to the point that sometimes it leaves hardly any room for her lungs to breath, is not whatever prevented her from being confessed.

She thinks she is at a disadvantage, but that is not new: she has already shown Kahlan what she looks like from the inside out. What is new is that she is done pretending. So she keeps her distance, wary of the Mother Confessor and the changed look in her eyes.

She keeps her mind empty and tries not to think about what else Kahlan could want of her. What else she could claim.

Kahlan, for her part, is in an excellent mood for the rest of the trip.

xxx

 

 

CHAPTER IV

Cara tries to stay out of the way after they finally come back to the Palace. They have to wait for Richard and Zedd, but she is restless and takes to going out on long rides, staying away for most of the day.

Each day, on her rides, she goes a bit farther, until the day when she rides so far east that she knows if she went any farther, she would not be able to make it back to the Palace until the following day.

She leans forward, almost standing on the stirrups of her saddle, feeling a strange pull, a siren's call: tempting her, whispering in her ear that she should keep going. Keep riding. Leave it all behind. She is almost certain Kahlan would not notice if she did not come back for the night.

She dismounts from her horse and stands, on the verge of that imaginary line for long minutes: one hand on an agiel and the other holding the reigns of her horse tightly. She lets the wind tangle her blonde locks, her eyes fixed on an indefinite point in the horizon, the setting sun warming her back as it descends.

An eagle cries as it flies high in the sky over her head, breaking her out of her trance-like state. Then, she shakes her head and simply rides back.

Aydindril is no place for a Mord'Sith.

xxx

Kahlan spends those first few days with her children and her sister. She is delighted to spend time with Dennee, and wishes she could talk to her about what she saw in the well, but she cannot bring herself to do it. She needs time to think things through on her own; before she can discuss them with anyone else.

And most particularly, with Cara.

She watches the comings and goings of the Mord'Sith. It is her Palace, after all, her city. Nothing happens here that is ignored by the Mother Confessor.

She regards her solitary figure riding away from Aydindril every morning, heading east. Always east: it is where Richard and Zedd are. Then, every evening, as the sun starts to set, she fears that Cara will not return, but she always does.

She wishes Cara could bring herself to join them all, but she lets her be for the time being.

After only a few short days, however, Dennee departs: she wants to go back to her own family, she has been away for nearly six weeks and it is time to go back. Cara makes sure she is not around when they say their goodbyes.

That very same night, Kahlan comes looking for Cara after the children retire for the night.

It is a night of revelations for them both, but particularly, for Cara, who realises that, perhaps, she has been ignoring what has been in front of her own eyes for a very long time.

xxx

It all starts with an off-hand comment from Cara.

She is trying hard to stay away from the topics that need to be discussed.

First and foremost, Kahlan's feelings on the possibility of Richard having sons with other women.

Kahlan's feelings on any topic is something Cara avoids discussing as a rule, but in this case, she feels more than justified in her reticence.

It goes without saying that Lord Rahl can do as Lord Rahl wants; take lovers and have children with whomever he pleases. Wife or not. It is a truth deeply ingrained into Cara, and still, she feels something inside herself rebelling against it. She sees sides when she is pretty sure she should not. She would much prefer for things to remain as they are, and never acknowledge that there may be sides, or that she might not be able to take Richard's.

Second and perhaps not less important, there is everything that has happened on their way to and from the Reach. From Kahlan's poorly concealed jealousy, to whatever happened at the well, and of course, the long afternoon they spent riding on the same horse, which had ended with Cara in a nearby pond, almost delirious from the prolonged contact with the confessor.

But in trying to avoid those pitfalls, inadvertently, Cara falls into another one, perhaps, deeper.

She has been concerned about the girls. They are happy, here; too happy. Cara knows life is not like that. Life brings hardship and pain, torment and misery, and she worries that the next Lord Rahl, probably the daughter of Kahlan and Richard, will not be prepared for it. That she will be weak later in life because of the softness of her upbringing.

She is not sure how to express these concerns, because she has been around Kahlan and Richard long enough to know good people do not begrudge little girls a happy childhood, but the girls have Confessor and Rahl magic. They are too powerful. They will have no equals. They may grow bitter if they are not prepared to face the reality; the loneliness that irremediably comes with being either a confessor or a powerful Rahl, let alone both things.

Cara has learnt many things in these last few years, since leaving her sisters first, and then, later, the company of Richard, Kahlan and Zedd. She has seen what loneliness can do to lesser people. To those unprepared for its choking embrace.

She rolls her eyes at herself because she'd rather pull her own nails out of her fingers than discuss such things with Kahlan.

It is unbecoming of her, a Mord'Sith of her rank, to worry about the feelings of three annoying little brats.

But she serves the house of Rahl and this needs saying. So she will say it.

Cara takes her wine glass and rises, moving away from the table where they have been having dinner, just the two of them. Kahlan had said her good nights to the girls almost two hours ago. Since then, they have been seated at this table, dining, going over the spare news they have received from Richard and Zedd, but also, discussing recent events and just keeping each other company.

Kahlan has been tentative with Cara at first. Almost shy. It had made Cara wary. But as the night progresses, Kahlan relaxes significantly, discussing a number of innocuous issues.

Cara, for her part, has been mostly just nodding and listening. Watching Kahlan as she tells stories of the girls, the palace, Zedd and a million other things. It seems to Cara that, lately, the Mother Confessor has been starved for company whenever she comes to visit, but that cannot be. She has Richard and the girls.

"Kahlan, should you be indulging your daughters this much?" she phrases it poorly. She can tell by the look of ire that crosses Kahlan's eyes, the momentary tightening in her shoulders.

Kahlan would not allow anyone to question how she is raising her own children, not even their father. But this is Cara, and she gets away with things nobody else does. Kahlan looks away for a second and when she turns her eyes back to look at Cara, there is only curiosity in her blue irises. "Indulge them?"

"Maybe not indulge," Cara shrugs minutely, "I mean. You and Richard. That is unlikely to ever happen again," she means for a confessor as powerful as Kahlan to find someone daring and stupid enough to love her. And for her, to love him back. The weight of duty that Richard lifted off Kahlan's shoulders, giving her three healthy daughters, is a blessing unheard of. One that may end up hurting their children, if they grow up believing that they will have what their parents have.

Kahlan understands what Cara is saying. The duty to continue the line of confessors is a heavy burden to carry. She knows it from experience.

She knows what her love does: she lived most of her early life dreading her own powers.

Cara had told her once that the experience had made her strong, but it had certainly come at a price.

She also rises from her chair and moves closer to Cara. It is something that she has stopped questioning. This thing she does where she gravitates towards Cara. She thinks she could find the Mord'Sith in a room full of people, with her eyes closed. If she was not the Mother Confessor of all the Midlands, she knows it is likely that she would follow Cara around; like her daughter Doly does: shamelessly and continuously.

"I know what you mean, Cara. But they are wrong, you know?" There is something like resignation in her voice. She moves to the large window, letting her eyes focus on the full moon, far away in the sky, "all those tales about confessors not being able to hold on to their magic? They are just that; tales. I will teach my daughters when the time is right."

Cara is confused, she moves slightly closer to Kahlan, who looks back at her, eyes searching, wanting Cara to understand what she is saying. Cara sees something new there. Something she has seen in the eyes of a hundred other people, in that other lifetime she has spent the last six years trying to atone for. It is pain, but not the pain of the body; it is the other kind, the one that comes after the body can no longer feel.

"I learnt to control it a long time ago," Kahlan murmurs, still looking away.

Cara is silent for a moment. She is not sure she understands. "You mean you can-" she gestures vaguely with her hand, not wanting to use crude words that will embarrass the taller woman "-and hold on to your magic?"

Kahlan just nods. Then, she laughs, but it is a strange laugh, hollow; devoid of any joy, "I also found out that, sometimes, there is nothing to hold back."

Cara frowns at that. She turns away from Kahlan and goes to the table to get more wine. She thinks she might have to murder Richard if he is stupid enough to lie with such a woman and not bring her the pleasure she deserves.

She moves the jug of wine towards Kahlan, offering some.

Kahlan just shakes her head and smiles self-consciously, looking at her empty glass. "I think I have had enough for tonight." In fact, she has probably had too much. And it is too bad, really, because wine makes her melancholic, and she has been feeling almost euphoric these last few days.

But it just seems to happen whenever Cara is around. She lowers her defences. She knows she can trust Cara completely; that the fierce Mord'Sith will not let anything happen to her, that she does not need to be so tightly in control when Cara is with her: watching over her.

She is not sure when it happened, but Cara is her safe place. She has been for a long time. Longer than she would admit to anyone.

She shakes her head at the thought. But it is the truth: she can let go completely with Cara. For someone who has lived her whole life needing to always be in control, it is exhilarating. And so, when they are together, Kahlan ends up talking too much, drinking too much.

Feeling too much.

Cara gulps down her own glass of wine and leans against the table, facing Kahlan.

"Are you saying that Richard-," but Kahlan interrupts before she can finish.

She moves closer and puts her hand on Cara's shoulder as she speaks. "I don't want to talk about this." She takes a breath. "We should talk about what I saw in the well, Cara," she cuts her eyes away as she confirms what Cara has known all along. "It also involves you."

But Cara just raises an eyebrow, pursing her lips. She is not sure she wants to know what Kahlan saw in the well, and she will not be distracted. Kahlan asking point blank to change the topic would have worked seasons ago, between two people vastly different to the ones they are now, but nothing is as simple any more.

Everything has too many layers now, Cara thinks in frustration.

She lashes out for no clear reason that she can think of, her sarcasm taking over. "Is the Mother Confessor not willing to reveal the truth about something? What would the devoted citizens of Aydindril think about that?" she drawls.

Kahlan looks at her sharply, removing her hand and stepping back. She hates it when Cara calls her that.

"Don't call me that." She asks in a hurt tone.

"I won't. But you have to explain," Cara extends her left hand, gloved fingers facing up and pointing towards the chair there, inviting the other woman to take a seat next to her. She is not sure why she wants to discuss this with Kahlan, but it just feels important. Like something she needs to know.

"Is there really something to explain?" Kahlan lets out a short laugh. Again, there is no humour to it, but she dutifully sits next to Cara. She looks down for a moment and then, raises her head to look straight into the calm, clear eyes of the Mord'Sith.

She is not embarrassed to talk about her intimate life with Cara. She has no secrets with Cara. Except she does, of course, but only because she knows there are truths Cara does not care to hear. "It just doesn't happen every time, Cara. It is a normal thing; we have been married for almost seven years now."

Cara just blinks in astonishment. She tries not to react. If she was sleeping in the same bed as the Mother Confessor, it would happen every damn time. In fact, most nights, it would happen several times. Cara pushes away from the table, to put some distance between them. "I must talk to Lord Rahl. He obviously needs some pointers." This last bit she mumbles as she starts to move away from the table.

"Oh, no. No, you won't!" Kahlan rises, putting a hand to Cara's arm, stopping her and turning her around. Cara tries to pull her arm free, but Kahlan holds strongly onto it. "Cara, it happens in all marriages, you know that some of the passion disappears over time." She shrugs her shoulders as she looks away. "It is different for women, anyway." For once in all the time she has known her, Kahlan looks fragile to Cara. Small.

Cara is just too shocked to process any of this.

This is the kind of conversation she has never wanted to have with Kahlan.

"So, Richard-?" Kahlan blushes and looks away, but interrupts again before Cara can finish. It is a good thing, too, Cara is not even sure what she was going to ask.

Kahlan only repeats herself. "You know how things are. It is different for men."

Cara does not even reply. She takes a step back before she does something crazy. The thought that Richard may be with Kahlan and not bother if his wife has reached completion makes all her blood drop to her feet. Or maybe, it makes all her blood rise to her head, because suddenly, it feels like it is about to explode, although she is not confused enough to ignore the strange emphasis Kahlan is putting on some words; the strange phrasing, her choice of words.

"What are you saying, Kahlan." Her voice is flat, dangerous. Kahlan takes a step back, finally letting go of her arm.

"Richard and I, we haven't shared a bed for some time. He has his own quarters. I-, we-. He still wanted to, you know?" she flushes a bit at that.

Of course he did. Cara can understand that.

"But we have not slept together for a while. I told him he could find other-," there is a pause then, a breath. Kahlan frowns. She looks confused for a second. "I thought you knew." She looks at Cara with her head slightly cocked to the side, like she is re-evaluating something.

"When did this happen." Cara does not want to hear any more, but she just seems unable to end this conversation.

"More than two years ago. It was never the same after the twins were born." Kahlan takes a breath and keeps going with her startling confessions. "I thought you and him-, I know Richard has someone else in his life now. There was talk about Richard and a Mord'Sith. I thought that it was the reason why he was going back more often to D'Hara-, that you-, that him-," now it is Kahlan that is making vague gestures with her hand.

Cara is a bit slow on the uptake, because really.

It is too much information to process, but when she finally does, she cannot help herself.

Her eyes open comically wide. There is shock and something else in Cara's face. "What!" But then, almost immediately, she deflates. "You are wrong, Kahlan." So totally, incredibly wrong. On so many counts.

They are silent for a long time after that.

"I see that now," Kahlan says softly, again in that strange tone that seems to be creeping into her voice more and more recently.

They stare at each other, shocked by the conversation they have just had.

By the revelations.

In the well, with Shota, Kahlan had seen a present that could be, a future in the making, but not the past. She had assumed all these years that Cara, that Cara and Richard-, she shakes her head to dispel the image, a breath that she has been holding for what feel like years leaving her lungs.

Cara too needs to think about this. She thought Kahlan would be devastated by the idea of Richard's sons not being also hers, but now she needs to re-think that assumption. In fact, it seems she has been making a lot of incorrect assumptions.

She moves slowly around Kahlan and towards the door, only turning when she gets there.

"I am going to get some fresh air," Cara says before leaving the room.

Life has always been like a game of chess to Cara. As long as she knows who the players are and what pieces remain on the table, she is fine. She is more than fine, really. She is usually ten steps ahead.

She does not like discovering the game has changed and she is the only one who did not know.

For as long as she has known Kahlan, there has always been Richard, and whatever else may have been between them was never important, because Kahlan was Lord Rahl's wife. As untouchable as the stars in the sky.

If Richard is no longer part of the equation, Cara is not sure where that leaves her.

Nowhere safe, that is where, she thinks.

xxx

It is the middle of the night when Cara wakes up.

"Mommie Cara." It is just a whisper, but it is accompanied by tiny fists tugging at the sheet that covers her. Cara blinks her eyes in confusion. Only one person would dare call her that; Richard's and Kahlan's youngest: Doly.

Cara does not know why, but since the girl started speaking, Doly has always called her that.

She must have grown very old and soft in these last few years, she thinks with a scowl, because she has never thought to tell the little girl to stop doing it. What is worse, she did not hear the girl coming into the room.

Maybe she should not have drank all that ale after leaving Kahlan's rooms.

"What is it, Doly?" She grabs the small girl, carrying her in her arms as she rises from the bed, glad to be wearing a shift. It is not the first time one of the girls has barged into her room unexpectedly and Kahlan has insisted that, because of that, she must always wear a shift to bed.

Cara rolls her eyes as she remembers that conversation; Cara standing in her room, unconcerned, completely in the buff and Kahlan looking bright red and trying very hard to avoid looking down.

It had been a good day. Kahlan had looked down twice.

But Cara can admit now that wearing a shift may have turned out to be a good idea.

She pets the head of the little girl awkwardly, trying to calm her down. "Why are you here, Doly? Couldn't you sleep?" She whispers the words into the soft dark curls of the girl. Doly is, out of the three, the one that looks the most like Kahlan, with her dark wavy hair and big blue eyes.

The girl shakes her head against Cara's neck. "Mama is crying. She cries when you are here. Make it better?" She sounds frightened, like only children can be when their worlds turn upside down on them. It is children that cry; not parents.

Cara just looks at the little girl for a moment. Doly will be a powerful confessor one day. She can already see what others fail to see.

"Don't worry, Doly. I'm going to make it better." She can feel Doly nod against her neck and then, she hears her yawning.

Cara has righted her world and now that she has passed her burden to someone else, Doly is ready to go back to sleep.

Cara carries her to her room and puts the child to bed. The other two are still sleeping. Then, she moves to Kahlan's room. The connecting door between her room and that of the girls is open. Doly must had woken during the night and tried to get to her mother's room before she went to Cara's.

She closes the door behind her and moves quietly into the room, Kahlan is on her side, facing away from her. She hardly uses any of the large bed, which could comfortably sleep three very large men. Cara walks around the bed until she is facing Kahlan. It is a clear night, with a full moon presiding high in the sky. She can see the shadow of dried tears on Kahlan's cheeks, but the confessor is asleep.

She looks troubled, even in sleep.

Cara is not sure what to do for a moment. She considers going back to her room, but then, she looks towards the door to the girls' room and thinks about Doly, about the conversation of a few hours ago, about Kahlan. She shakes her head in annoyance. It is always Kahlan. Kahlan, and now, her daughters. She wonders why she should care about crying four-year old girls. About crying confessors.

This is the last thing she needs.

She cries when you are here.

The words Doly said sit on her stomach like a gar batting its wings and breathing fire into her entrails.

She moves to the other side of the bed and sits on top of the covers, her back against a couple of large pillows. Her face set into a scowl of determination, arms crossed.

She will fix this.

Somehow.

xxx

Kahlan wakes the next morning to the sound of laughter and the feeling of one of her daughters, "oomph," make that two of them, crawling all over her.

"Mama," Kyla tries to whisper, but she is lying heavily on top of Kahlan's stomach, so there is not much point in keeping quiet.

"Wake up, mama!" Sonja does not really try to be quiet. She is awake and she figures so should be her mother. She bounces on top of Kahlan, making her laugh.

Kahlan smiles at her daughters and when she turns on her back, careful not to throw them off the bed, she rises a bit, noticing there are two other people on the bed: Cara and Doly. Doly is happily sitting on top of Cara, and Cara is watching Kahlan and her other two daughters, eyes narrowed at them all.

Kahlan is surprised, but not in a bad way; she loves waking up surrounded by her loved ones, and that certainly includes Cara.

"Good morning, girls," she smiles. Her voice is rough from sleep.

She moves to kiss each of the girls on the bed, first Kyla and Sonja, pushing them gently out of the bed as she sits up and tries to bring some order into her wild dark hair. Then, she turns to the other two, moving up in the bed and slightly to her left, so that she can reach them. She leans forward, bending to kiss Doly on the nose, and then, straightening up, she kisses Cara's soft cheek, lingering there a bit longer than she did when she kissed her daughters.

"Good morning, Cara." Kahlan says softly. She feels a bit shy, but she recovers quickly. She gives Cara a big smile, reaching out to move some blonde strands of hair out of her face, placing them behind a delicate ear. It always amuses Kahlan that this strong, feral warrior has such soft skin and delicate features. Cara is a woman of beautiful contrasts.

She is also amused to see Cara rolling her eyes at her. "I guess it is a passably good morning," Cara grumbles.

Kahlan cannot think of many people that could get away with kissing the Mord'Sith on the cheek and touching her like she just did. Probably just her and her daughters.

"Can we have breakfast with Cara, mama?" Kyla almost shouts.

Cara winces and thinks she is too excited considering how early it is.

"You can, but you have to get dressed first, Kyla." It is amazing to Kahlan what her daughters will do to spend time with their favourite Mord'Sith. They do everything Kahlan tells them to do without protest if that gets them time with Cara. She guesses they are just as whipped as she, herself, is.

She watches as Kyla nods and grabs Sonja and starts moving towards the connecting door. "Come on, Doly. We have to dress!"

Cara puts the tiny girl on the floor. Doly, after only a moment hesitation, follows her sisters into their bedroom. Kahlan knows Martha will be there soon, helping them get ready, so she does not follow. She just sits up in the bed, next to Cara, letting their shoulders touch. She looks at their legs, side by side over the bedspread and notices, as she always does, how tanned Cara's skin looks next to her milky whiteness and freckles. Not for the first time, she wonders how Cara can be this tanned, considering she is always wearing her leathers.

Kahlan reaches for Cara's hand hesitantly, but the Mord'Sith allows it. The touch is electrifying. Cara's hand is soft, her fingers long and elegant. Kahlan blushes slightly as she caresses the back of Cara's fingers. Kahlan has given birth to three children. She is no longer the shy girl that struggled to understand her feelings for the Mord'Sith. She knows she is attracted to Cara. She has always been. It only makes the fact that she is no longer attracted to Richard even more obvious.

"This is no longer safe, Kahlan." Cara says, but she does not pull away. She is continuing a conversation she has been having in her own head all night. About her little games, about desire and attraction and fondness and whatever this is between them. "Women are not different," she says meaningfully.

Now it is Kahlan that is slow on the uptake. She is not sure what Cara means, but she is happy to just sit there, caressing the back of Cara's hand with her thumb and letting some of her weight rest on the blonde.

If she sneaks a peek down Cara's shift it is entirely accidental and because Cara, being Cara, only just meets the requirement of wearing a shift to bed and insists on leaving most of the ties undone and not wearing anything underneath.

xxx

Breakfast with the Amnells is exactly the kind of affair Cara avoids.

With good reason.

The children are talkative and loud and ask Cara a thousand questions.

Kyla wants to know how many people she has killed and if she has any sisters like she does, and if the agiels hurt her hands, and can she hold them? In the meanwhile, Sonja wants to know how she can get a set of leathers just like Cara's so that she can wear them to school when she is old like Kyla, and she wants to know if Cara still has her princess dress because she is sure that she would look beautiful wearing it, and does Cara like her new blue dress? Doly, for her part, insists on sitting by her side. She is mostly quiet, except she tugs on her sleeve and whispers 'mommie Cara,' every time she wants to call her attention, most often to ask for more raspberry jam.

Cara ignores most of the questions, answers one or two, and deflects the others so that Kahlan can deal with them, all the while piling unhealthy amounts of jam on her bread and Doly's.

But the worst thing is Kahlan herself. She spends the whole meal staring at Cara.

Smiling.

It makes Cara want to run to the stables, get her horse and ride east until she finds Richard and the others.

xxx

 

 

CHAPTER V

"Mother Confessor."

Kahlan jumps slightly when she hears the sharp voice. She looks at her most trusted aide, Martha, who is standing just inside the door, looking decidedly unamused.

"Yes, Martha?" Kahlan asks, a bit drowsily. She had been having a relaxing warm bath after dinner and very nearly asleep.

She had been thinking about the events of these last few weeks, about her travel to the Reach and what she saw in the well.

About Cara.

She finds that, lately, she is always thinking about the Mord'Sith, in one way or another. She is glad they talked last night, that she explained about Richard. About herself. That her worst fears about Cara and Richard were unfounded. It had freed something deep inside her bosom. Something she had not known was trapped there.

She moves to sit up slightly, turning her body towards the door. Once she is sitting up more fully, the water reaches up only to her mid-chest, pink nipples peeking out of the water as she reaches to put one of her arms over the rim.

"You have a visitor," Martha says, frowning at whoever is on the other side of the door.

"Well, I am not really dressed to receive-," she starts to say, but as she really sees the look on the older woman's face, she asks, "who is it?"

"It's me, Kahlan." Cara says, pushing the door a bit and standing to the side, behind Martha, so that half of her body is now visible behind the door. She sounds upset.

Kahlan can feel her heart start to beat at double its normal speed as a slow blush covers her white skin from head to toe, bringing out her freckles in what Cara thinks is a most pleasing fashion. Kahlan only just refrains from covering herself with her arms. It is an effort not to turn her body away from Cara's searching eyes.

Cara, for her part, does not make it a secret that she is looking. And liking what she sees.

"Cara?" she almost croaks. She clears her throat before speaking again. "It is all right, Martha. Just let her in."

Martha gives Cara another reproachful look before she finally steps aside, departing the bath from the other door, the one that leads to Kahlan's bedroom.

Cara does not move for a moment, and neither does Kahlan. They regard each other in silence. They have not talked since breakfast that morning. Cara had escaped the excited attention of the children, citing some vague concerns about her horse, and Kahlan had not seen her since.

A thousand ideas cross Kahlan's mind. The salient one is the almost painful awareness of her own nakedness. She has never been so concious of her body in her entire life. She feels the heaviness of her unencumbered breasts, her nipples growing erect as a dull throb starts on her lower body, blood gathering and inflaming soft tissues hidden from the eye, body trembling, captured by Cara's intense gaze.

She wonders exactly how much of her body Cara can see from the door. She is not sure what she hopes is the answer to that question.

She chastises herself for not keeping a towel ready at hand when she bathes. Her long hair is up in a bun, so she cannot even use it to cover herself somewhat. But these are her private baths, nobody but herself and Martha are ever in here. Not even Richard back when he may had been welcomed.

Of course, on a rational level, she does not mind that Cara is here, or that she is looking. She just needs to tell her body to quit panicking.

"Did you want something?" Kahlan finally asks in a quiet voice.

It jump starts Cara. She lifts her eyes away from all the tantalizing wet skin on display and moves a bit further into the bathroom, dragging her right leg behind her, until her whole body is in full sight. Then, she stands upright. Her bearing that of a Mord'Sith: legs open, feet firmly planted on the floor, chin high, arms crossed over her chest; scowling.

Doly is attached to her right leg like a monkey trying to climb a tree.

They make an incredibly sweet pair.

Not that she would ever say that to the Mord'Sith, of course, but it makes Kahlan laugh and, just like that, the tension is dispelled. She forgets about being naked or uncomfortably aroused in Cara's presence and rises from the basin, letting Cara catch an eyeful of her naked body as she walks towards the chair by the other door and puts a towel around herself, before turning back to Cara and Doly.

Cara is staring at her bare legs, her eyes slowly travelling up: moving from her naked thighs, to her hips and waist, all the way up to the shadows cast by the shape of her breasts under the towel: stopping at the visible bumps where her hard nipples press against the cloth.

Kahlan blushes again as she approaches and has to wait until Cara makes eye contact. She holds the towel a bit like a shield. Cara smirks, rising an eyebrow in clear appreciation of Kahlan's body. In challenge, perhaps. She looks a bit flushed too. There are two spots of colour reddening the tanned skin of her cheeks, but it might just be because of the heat in the bathroom. Kahlan smiles back and lowers her eyes towards her youngest daughter.

"Doly," she says kindly. "Let go of Cara and come with me. It is time to go to bed, sweetheart."

Doly only shakes her head a bit and grabs even tighter.

Cara could have easily dislodged her, of course. Just grab those tiny arms and compel her to let go. It would not have required any strength on her part, but the thought of pressing her hands with any force to Doly is abhorrent to her. Simply unthinkable. What happened to girls not much older than Kyla at the temple is a part of her past that she has locked away in some hidden compartment of her brain. Something that she refuses to ever think about, but just the same, it is always there: most notably, in her dealings with Kahlan's and Richard's offspring.

"Why not, Doly? Cara has to go to bed, too." But she regards Cara as she speaks: the Mord'Sith is not dressed for bed. "Right?" This she says to Cara.

"Mommie Cara was leaving," Doly's voice is muffled, her head pressed against Cara's thigh, but Kahlan can hear the tears in her voice, threatening to fall.

Kahlan knows of the title her little one has bestowed upon Cara. For some reason, she has never thought of correcting her. She makes eye contact with the Mord'Sith, who only shrugs and stares back.

When Kahlan rises one of her own eyebrows at her, Cara just rolls her eyes at the confessor, but then, she takes off her gloves, placing them on her belt, and reaches to pat the top of Doly's head, moving some of her dark curls out of the way.

"I am not going anywhere, Doly." Cara says. "I just wanted to ride my horse."

Doly looks up for a moment, trying to gauge the truth in her words, impossibly blue eyes searching. Seeing. She is not yet a real confessor, and even if she were, she would not be able to read the Mord'Sith, but her instincts are unerring: they tell her not to let go just yet.

Cara frowns and comes forward with the whole truth, speaking directly at Kahlan. "I can feel Richard is close, perhaps a day away. I was only going to ride until I found him. Join him before he arrived at the Palace."

Kahlan's shoulders slump. She heaves a long sigh. She looks down and away after hearing the explanation. So does Doly.

"I am Mord'Sith." Cara says in frustration. Like that explains all there is to explain.

Of course, it doesn't help. Kahlan and Doly keep their eyes averted.

Cara frowns even harder. Like mother, like daughter. "But I will stay here and wait for him to arrive," she finally concedes.

At that, Doly perks up. She looks up. "Promise?"

Cara nods, voice softer. "I promise."

With that, Doly lets go, kissing Cara's thigh and turning towards her mother. She does not doubt Cara's word.

Kahlan takes her in her arms, her towel sliding slightly. In a move that shocks them both, Cara reaches up and helps with the towel, her naked fingers touching warm skin. Kahlan does not make eye contact, but she trembles visibly at the contact. She grabs on to the towel with a mumbled "thank you," before moving away and towards the door to her bedroom.

Doly will soon be too heavy to be carried around like this, but for now, she delights in carrying her when she can. When Kahlan enters her room, she meets Martha, who has been waiting there patiently for Doly. Kahlan kisses her daughter's cheek and passes her to Martha.

xxx

Cara follows Kahlan into her bedroom after giving mother and daughter a moment alone. She knows she should put on her gloves and go back to her rooms: that the tactically sound strategy is to leave the bathroom from the other door, the safe one, the one that would avoid Kahlan and her complications, but she has never been one for playing it safe. She sees Martha leaving the room as she enters, Doly almost already asleep on her shoulder.

Kahlan has her back to Cara, shoulders tense.

"Kahlan." Cara says.

Kahlan whirls around, eyes dark: obviously upset. "Were you going to just leave without saying anything?"

Cara only shrugs and looks away. "Richard is close. It would not have taken long to find his party." Then, she makes eye contact. She puts her hands on her hips, canting them to the side: defiant. "He is the Lord Rahl, Kahlan," a breath. "I am Mord'Sith." She does not say it, but it is her duty to follow him, to be with him, and damn Kahlan for making her explain things that are as simple and obvious as breathing.

Those are probably the words Kahlan least wants to hear.

"Yes, of course: Richard. I know perfectly well that he is your best excuse. It has been like that ever since he saved you from your sisters." Kahlan accuses.

"Nobody saved me." Cara says slowly, enunciating each word, eyes narrowing.

"Perhaps you should run to him anyway." Kahlan points towards the door, her other arm having to reach up to hold on to the towel, hand on the knot that is keeping it closed.

"I do not run. Not to Richard. Not to anyone," Cara almost bites off the words. "I said I will stay."

"It would not be the first time you lied either, would it." Kahlan challenges.

Cara looks sharply at Kahlan. "I have never lied to you."

Kahlan smiles darkly. "Maybe you should have."

"What is that supposed to mean." Cara says flatly, moving closer to Kahlan.

Kahlan also steps closer.

"You never understand, do you. Always playing the indifferent, stubborn Mord'Sith. With all your near kisses and looks. But then, pretending it is nothing." She imitates Cara's inflection as she talks, "I serve the Lord Rahl." She mocks. "Don't you know how I feel about you?" In a corner of her mind, where she is watching herself go through this moment, Kahlan is almost frightened by the fury that fuels her words. But this is the span of feeling Cara invokes in her, and she is not done.

"Do you think I have not noticed? How you look at me? What is in your eyes?" she is on a tirade now, "or that time, when Kyla was kidnapped? What do you think it meant? Iwas in the Con Dar, for spirits' sake. I confessed all the others, Cara!" She gasps for breath, shaking, shocked to finally have said something about that day, about her inability to confess Cara while she was in the Con Dar.

"Maybe you should ask that to yourself," Cara pokes at Kahlan's chest with a finger, just above the towel. "I have never hidden from any of it, Kahlan," her voice breaks slightly, "never."

Cara's words, her broken tone; it is too much. Kahlan simply reacts: she grabs the hand that is poking at her chest, and twisting that arm with strength she has not used in a long time, pulls it behind Cara's back, bringing their bodies flush against each other. Before Cara can react, Kahlan's lips cover hers, kissing her firmly, her other arm also reaching around her waist, over Cara's arm, keeping both of her arms pressed to her body, trapped.

Kahlan's kiss is hard, nearly bruising in its intensity. There is a moment of hesitation from Cara, of surprise, but never of resistance. This is what she has always wanted, and having Kahlan as the aggressor only enhances Cara's arousal. She yields to the bigger woman, pressing her body closer, moaning into Kahlan's mouth.

This time, there is no question: she kisses back.

The relief at feeling Cara respond leaves Kahlan almost light-headed and she shifts slightly, relaxing her grip somewhat. Cara takes her chance. She opens her mouth, pushing her tongue between Kahlan's lips, pressing with her whole body and turning them until she has Kahlan against the door. With the hand that is not held down by Kahlan to her back, she reaches to touch Kahlan's thigh, her naked palm moving under the towel, around her hip, grabbing the back of Kahlan's thigh and pushing it between her own legs, where she needs it desperately.

She starts to rub herself against Kahlan, her hips beginning a thrusting motion that turns jerky very soon, sparkles like lightning travelling from her centre and spreading through her limbs. She breaks the kiss to gasp for air, panting. She kisses Kahlan's neck, her throat and shoulders, licking at the skin she discovers, all the while grinding against Kahlan's firm thigh. Kahlan lets go of Cara's arm and reaches down, her hands grasping Cara's hips and buttocks, pulling her more firmly into her own body, into her leg.

A terrible pressure builds between Cara's legs, and she whimpers as spasms began to ripple outward.

"No," Cara gasps, yanking her mouth away from Kahlan. She berates herself, what now, Cara. Are you going to slip your hand under her towel and have her against the door?

She is fully aroused, pulsating painfully and ready to burst, but she stops moving, leaning against Kahlan, her hands grabbing at the towel that has somehow managed to stay in place, trapped between their bodies.

Kahlan does not let go. She knows, from the way Cara was moving seconds before, that if she presses up with her leg, if she starts the rhythm again, Cara might not be able to stop this time. She takes a shaky breath and moves her hands so that she is now hugging Cara gently to her, one hand touching her soft hair, trying to calm them both down.

They stay like that, in a loose embrace, leaning against the door for a long time, until Cara finally lifts her face and takes a step back.

"Kahlan," she starts, but she stops. She doesn't know what to say, if there is something she can say. Kahlan's hands move from Cara's shoulders, caressing all the way down her arms, grabbing her hands.

"Stay with me, here, tonight?" Kahlan asks.

Cara takes another step back, removing herself from her grasp.

It is a terrible idea.

"Please?" Kahlan begs.

Cara face crumbles slightly as she looks away, and Kahlan is sure she is going to say no and leave the room, but then, she nods, catching Kahlan by surprise. She is not sure what to do, so she moves around Cara, to her side of the bed, grabbing a shift and quickly shedding the towel. She puts the shift on and reaches up to loosen her dark hair, letting it down, running her hands through it. Her hands tremble as she tries to control her breathing.

When she turns around, Cara already has her leathers down to her waist. Kahlan blanches as she catches an eyeful of Cara's bare breasts, and turns around hurriedly as the blonde starts to lower the rest of her leathers.

Maybe this is not such a good idea after all.

The sight of Cara's dark brown nipples and firm breasts erases pretty much all thoughts from Kahlan's mind. "Put this on?" She calls as she pulls out another shift and throws it towards Cara's side of the bed. Then, she gets under the covers, not looking at Cara. She knows the Mord'Sith will comply with her request to don the shift, and she does not want to see any more of her right now.

She feels like she has a fever, her heart pounds in her chest, a pulse beats insistently between her legs. She gasps when she shifts on the bed, aware of the almost embarrassing amount of wetness between her legs.

When she finally dares to turn to Cara, she is already wearing the white cotton shift, facing Kahlan. It is too large on Cara, making her seem younger, softer. But the feline, hungry, look on her intense green eyes is anything but innocent.

It makes Kahlan blush bright red but she reaches out a hand, inviting the Mord'Sith into her bed. Cara hesitates, but she joins her, lying on her side against the pillows. Kahlan turns also on her side, facing Cara and moving closer; closer than she would have dared to lie all those years ago when they shared beds in godforsaken inns, but not as close as her heart asks her to.

It is of no consequence, because the moment she does, Cara grabs her by the waist and wraps herself around Kahlan, one arm moving over her waist, to settle at the small of her back, pulling her until they lie breast to breast, no space between them.

Cara rubs her whole body against Kahlan's, her hands moving possessively over Kahlan's back. Kahlan lets herself sink into the mattress, into Cara, as her arms also reach around, pressing Cara impossibly closer.

Then, Cara reaches lower, to the hem of her nigh shift and under, caressing the naked skin she finds.

It makes Kahlan tense up. "Cara."

"Kahlan," she does not stop. Her hand moves upward, pushing the shift to her waist, then, moving over the cloth, it caresses her side and moves all the way to her shoulder, touching Kahlan's black hair, moving it out of the way, and soon, she is kissing her, on her neck, her throat, behind her ear, leaving soft, barely there kisses, everywhere she can reach. Their bare legs tangle together under the covers and Cara pushes Kahlan until she is lying on her back, the Mord'Sith pressing her sex against her thigh, finding the rhythm of moments before.

"Spirits, Cara," she mumbles, as she feels the wetness between Cara's legs, spreading as she moves against her thigh. And it should not be enough, it should not feel this good, but Cara finds herself almost immediately back on the brink of orgasm.

Cara's mouth covers hers, and Kahlan is lost to the sensations running rampant over her body. One of her hands reaches to touch Cara's back, pressing her more firmly against her, helping the Mord'Sith in her motions. Nails digging painfully in the soft flesh of Cara's backside. The other hand goes to Cara's arm, and she caresses the soft skin as she moves her hand up all the way to her shoulder. At the shoulder, the cotton shift gaps, and Kahlan slides her hand inside, and down, cupping one of Cara's full breasts, her thumb reaching to caress an erect nipple.

At the touch, Cara's whole body thrums, and when Kahlan fingers flex to squeeze Cara's flesh, she breaks. She comes against Kahlan's leg, the confessor's name on her lips, her body trembling in release.

They lie on the bed, tangled up like that, for long moments. When she comes back to her senses, Cara notices Kahlan is stroking her hair, her back. The sheets are twisted around her waist, and she still lies mostly upon Kahlan. A final tremble shakes her whole body, and Kahlan moves the sheet to cover them both more fully.

"Are you cold?" Kahlan whispers, a fierce protectiveness taking her by surprise.

"I'm fine," Cara answers, her face still hidden in Kahlan's neck. "Kahlan," she starts to say.

But Kahlan doesn't let her. "Sshh," she breathes, and then, she kisses her again. Her lips pressing softly into Cara's. "We can talk tomorrow," and with that, she turns them both slightly onto their sides and, hugging the smaller woman to her, she closes her eyes, a large smile on her face.

xxx

The peace only lasts for a moment though. The time it takes Cara to sneak a hand under Kahlan's shift and place it over her hip.

"We should sleep," Kahlan says, voice trembling.

"And we will," Cara says. "Soon."

She pushes Kahlan onto her back, moving the shift out of the way, until she can reach to kiss Kahlan's chest, her pink nipples, the underside of her breasts, her stomach, all the way down until she is resting between Kahlan's open legs.

She reaches to carefully open the soaked folds of Kahlan's sex. She stays like that for a couple of heartbeats, making her wait, breathing over the wet, painfully engorged tissues. It makes Kahlan trash on the bed, hips lifting, arching into Cara. "Cara." She pleads, a trembling hand reaching down, searching. As soon as she touches Cara's face, the Mord'Sith leans into her. She kisses Kahlan's swollen clitoris, generous lips closing around the sensitive nub, tonguing her softly.

It does not take long for them to find out that Cara is still very much immune to confession.

There was never any doubt.

xxx

"Cara." A frantic whisper.

It is accompanied by a hand tugging down at her shift, which is bunched up at chest level, leaving all of her lower body bare.

"Whaa-," she blinks her eyes, trying to make sense of what is happening.

For some reason, she is struggling to wake up. Emotionally charged sex with Kahlan is a very tiring experience, Cara is just figuring out.

"Cara, wake up." Kahlan says again, more urgently this time. She keeps tugging at Cara's shift, trying to lower it over her hips and stomach, but it is all tangled up, trapped and twisted under Cara's body after their night of passion.

Cara's mind is not yet awake, but her body is. She turns to Kahlan, naked legs wrapping around the warm skin of the confessor, open mouth immediately latching onto Kahlan's lips. Kahlan whimpers in surprise, and for a long moment, she yields to the feelings that Cara arises in her, but then, she hears it again.

She pushes at Cara.

"Cara!" a hiss.

Cara is tempted for a second to turn this into a brawl, to arm wrestle Kahlan for dominance. But then she also hears something, a suspicious sound breaking through the fog of arousal that Kahlan seems to be able to cast upon her with no effort at all.

"Wha-," she starts to ask again.

"The girls!" Kahlan whispers urgently. "I think they are awake and about to come into the room."

Mord'Sith do not jump from beds, whether they have been invited to them or not.

This is what Cara tells herself as she recalls Kahlan's laughter while she walks fast (Mord'Sith do not run, either) back towards her rooms.

xxx

Zedd arrives first.

He reaches Aydindril exactly on the day that marks the sixth week since their departure: almost half a moon later than expected. He looks like he has aged a year in that time.

It is a sunny, clear day, with blue skies as far as the eye can see. It is the best morning Kahlan has had in a long time. Perhaps ever. Last night, with Cara, she had visited a place she did not even know existed. She had gone to sleep holding tightly onto the Mord'Sith, who had kindly faked sleep when Kahlan had started to cry after Cara had brought her to release.

Even though Cara had all but run out of her room earlier that morning, waking up with the blonde woman in her bed, in her arms, had been pure joy.

Kahlan has been singing to herself and smiling inanely since then. She knows it is probably why Cara scurried away as soon as she could after breakfast, but she had also seen the smile in her eyes when Kahlan had demanded she allow them all a kiss goodbye before departing. Kahlan had only received a chaste kiss on the cheek, but she had heard the sharp intake of breath from the Mord'Sith when she had pushed her breast into Cara's side as she leaned forward to kiss her back.

When Zedd enters Kahlan's offices and finds her alone, working on her desk, he almost sags in relief. He loves Cara dearly: as much as he loves Kahlan and Richard, really. All three of them are the children of his heart, but still, Cara can be... difficult even on the best of days, and for what he has to say, he feels it is best if the Mord'Sith is not present.

"Zedd," Kahlan says with joy when he sees him, moving around the large table to hug him in greeting.

Her expression changes as soon as she looks into Zedd's eyes, "what is wrong?" she asks, immediately concerned, looking behind him and towards the empty space that should have been occupied by Richard. "Did something happen to Richard?" she asks.

He shakes his head, "don't worry, child. He is fine." He smiles slightly, trying not to worry Kahlan. "Where is Cara?" he asks back.

Kahlan blushes as she answers, eyes bright, "she is not here. She went out to talk to Ladrin." A certain warmth softens her expression as she lightly criticises the Mord'Sith, "she decided the shifts of the guards that protect the girls should be scheduled differently." She lets a bit of humour colour her voice as she continues. "Before she left, I most particularly warned her not to kill, maim or permanently injure any of the Palace guards."

Zedd only nods distractedly, a hand reaching to smooth his robes. "It is perhaps best if she is not here for what we have to talk about."

She pauses, trying to see into the wizard. "What is wrong, Zedd, please tell me." she asks again.

"Please be seated, Kahlan. We have much to discuss," he says.

Kahlan sits in one of the large chairs that are placed in front of the fire. It is always a bit cold in the large Palace, and Zedd's seriousness is making her nervous, making her more aware of the coldness: she is grateful for the warmth coming from the fire. "Join me?" she asks.

Zedd does not sit, however, he starts walking back and forth, trying to find a beginning for what he has to say.

"What is it, Zedd." She asks again. "You are scaring me."

"I have news." He finally says. "We found-," he shakes his head, deciding to start the story elsewhere. "There is a new prophecy, Kahlan." he pauses. "I came ahead of Richard, because we decided it would be best if I talked to you first."

Kahlan only nods, encouraging him to continue.

"There has been very powerful magic at play." He appears to grow even taller as he talks, voice deep. "We were at the Palace of the Prophets reading the different texts and trying to understand what they meant. At first, we did not make much progress, but about three weeks ago, Mirlan finally found a scroll that gave us some insights. Just a day later, I felt something shift in the balance of magic across D'Hara and the Midlands."

"What do you mean?" asks Kahlan. She tries to calculate. Three weeks ago they must have been... with Shota. At the well. Suddenly, she thinks she knows what he is talking about.

"You know what has been happening to the magic in D'Hara, how the sisters of the light and I have been worried, seeking magical children everywhere?" Kahlan nods, she remembers Zedd explained this to them when he last visited.

"Three weeks ago, something shifted, I felt a strong pulse in the magic then, nothing, like a silence: for maybe two hours," he frowns as he recalls. "Ever since then, it is like the magic has become stronger everywhere. On the way here, I stopped at a village to see a newborn boy. He was a magical child, Kahlan! With the strongest magic I have seen in years." He smiles almost excitedly. Magic is always a topic that gets his old juices going, regardless of the situation.

He touches his chin thoughtfully, growing quiet and serious again for a couple of heartbeats before he continues. "After the pulse in the magic, this new prophecy appeared. I-," He stops again. "I think it involves you and Cara, child."

Kahlan looks towards the fire and stays silent for a long moment. Then, she nods. She also has news that involve her and Cara. "I think so too."

Zedd frowns at her. "Why do you say that?"

"Shota showed me something when we met her, I looked into a well that she kept in her gardens at the Reach. There was a-, a blinding light. It enveloped first me and then Cara while I looked. She showed me a possible future, Zedd. Then, I fainted," she takes a long breath. "From what Cara tells me, I was out for a couple of hours." His eyes widen in understanding as she explains, connecting their two stories. "I think it must have been at the same time when you noticed that pulse in the magic that you described."

He can only nod. "Is there-", he approaches her. "Kahlan, in this possible future, is there a fourth confessor?" he pauses, "a fourth daughter?"

Kahlan nods, and blushes slightly as she thinks of the image she saw in the well. A little blonde girl, eyes the colour of the sky. "Four daughters." She confirms.

Zedd breathes out as he finally sits down next to Kahlan. "A complete square."

xxx

 

 

CHAPTER VI

When Cara gets back, it is very nearly night time. She has not been avoiding going back to the Palace and meeting Kahlan after their night together. It is just that she has been busy all day, and those idiotic Palace guards took a long time to see things her way, and her horse needed tending, and she had to wash herself and oil her leathers, anyway.

She finds Kahlan and Zedd at the table. Kahlan is looking pensive and Zedd is eating enough food to make three men sick.

She is surprised to find the wizard at the Palace, she has not felt Richard's arrival through their connection. In the last couple of weeks the bond has again gone suspiciously quiet, but she can feel enough through it to know Richard is not in Aydindril.

"Where is Richard?" Cara asks abruptly as soon as she enters, surprising them both.

Zedd starts coughing as the venison he had been eating goes down the wrong way and he literally inhales some of it.

"Cara," he finally says when he can talk, frowning. "You should let an old man enjoy his meal in peace."

"If we let you eat without interruption, wizard, you would string your meals together until you passed out from a bad digestion." She drawls.

Zedd frowns even more. "I have not had a bad digestion in my whole life, child."

Cara turns more fully towards him, her hand involuntarily reaching for an agiel. "Cara," Kahlan warns before Cara can say or do anything else, rising from the table and moving slightly closer to her. "Richard is fine. Zedd arrived ahead of their party because he has something he wants to tell just to the two of us; alone."

Both Zedd and Richard had worried that the news would come as an unwelcome surprise to the women.

Zedd has observed all of them through the years: Richard, Kahlan and Cara. Their comings and goings. Their times of happiness and of sadness. He had known of Cara's feelings for Kahlan, of course. Probably, before the Mord'Sith herself realized. She was never any good at hiding her emotions. He had also known of Kahlan's feelings for Cara. Those, a lot earlier than Kahlan herself had known.

He had seen Richard and Kahlan drift apart and he had been happy for Richard when he found love elsewhere. But, to be truthful, he had almost given up hope on Cara and Kahlan ever coming together. However, the narrative of what transpired on their recent trip, that Kahlan had summarised for him amongst much blushing and smiling had given him great pleasure.

Maybe they can all finally find the happiness they deserve.

After much discussion on how best to tell Cara, Kahlan had agreed to let Zedd tell the tale of the new prophecy, so that then, Kahlan herself may explain what she saw in the well. Whom she saw: her fourth daughter.

Zedd rises from his chair, putting on a serious expression.

"When we arrived at the Palace of the Prophets, we found a new prophecy, Cara. It involves you and Kahlan." He explains.

Cara rolls her eyes in dismissal. "I don't believe in prophecies. They are tales to scare old wives and little children," she says. Just the same, she moves closer to Kahlan; as always, the self-appointed protector.

"This prophecy speaks of the twin house of Rahl," Zedd continues, ignoring Cara's words. "Our initial interpretation of the texts Richard showed us was only partially correct. The mention to the twin house only refers to the eternal fight between evil and good inherent to those of Rahl blood. The main issue is not how many members form the house of Rahl at any point in time," he says, "it is the square base that supports it that is the issue."

"The square base?" Cara asks. She remembers now that Shota also mentioned something to do with squares. She looks at Kahlan briefly, but the confessor's eyes are turned towards Zedd.

"Yes." He nods. "It refers to Kahlan. Well, to confessors in general. They are the base that support the magic, and therefore, the house of Rahl. For as long as they have existed, they have kept the balance of magic across the territories. But their numbers have dwindled in recent years." He explains. "You know that, for a time, Kahlan was the last of her kind, until Dennee was revived and the girls were born."

Cara knows this, so she only nods. Unconsciously, she draws even closer to Kahlan, until they are standing side by side, shoulders and arms touching lightly.

"What the new prophecy and the old texts say is one and the same thing: the strength of the house of Rahl requires the birth of at least four confessors in each generation: a square base." He says as he moves his long fingers in the air, drawing an imaginary square.

Zedd looks at Kahlan. "The prophecy speaks of the birth of a fourth daughter next summer," he pauses and looks at the Mother Confessor. "Kahlan's daughter," he adds, a kind smile covering his leathery features. Then, he looks at Cara, something like mischief entering his eyes. "The prophecy says that this fourth daughter is also a daughter to the Mord'Sith, and thus, in a way, to the house of Rahl."

Cara's eyes first open wide and then, they narrow down. Her right eye twitches slightly.

"You are making this up." She says in a flat voice.

Zedd continues unperturbed. "Richard and I figured out what it all meant: how it came to be. There was a strong pulse in the magic three weeks ago," his voice almost looms over the next words, "very powerful magic was invoked, and right after that, the prophecy appeared. We think it was when the girl was conceived."

They are all silent after that. Kahlan can see the wheels turning in Cara's head until she comes to the inevitable conclusion.

"I knew Shota did something to Kahlan!" she says in outrage. "That damn witch. I should had throttled her with her own entrails when I had the chance." Cara says, looking at the window as if trying to gauge how long it would take to ride all the way back to the mountains and do just that.

Zedd coughs a couple of times to cover a smile and then, he announces ominously. "One of you is pregnant with the other's child."

Cara blanches, all of her blood dropping to her feet.

Zedd raises his hands as if to check their wombs, "I can check who it is," but before he can move any closer, Cara reaches for one of her agiels and moves threateningly towards the wizard.

"Zedd!" Kahlan hisses at the old man, "You are supposed to be helping!"

But Zedd is no longer making an effort to disguise the broad grin that covers his face. His eyebrows wiggle comically at the Mord'Sith.

Kahlan moves to stand between Zedd and Cara.

Cara just looks on, confused and incredibly pale.

When she is sure that she has her full attention, Kahlan finishes their tale.

"Cara, it's not you. It's me." Kahlan whispers as she grabs onto Cara's hand. "I am going to have your daughter."

xxx

Of what happens next, Cara has no clear memory later, but she will turn whoever started the rumour that she fainted into shadrin food.

There is celebration and much smiling and congratulations from Council members, staff and other random people. Cara is not sure who they are or where they came from. She is just glad not a single one of them dares to extend their congratulations to her.

When Kahlan is not looking, she may have briefly used her agiels on Zedd... twice.

Only until he stopped smirking and winking her way, really.

xxx

When Richard finally arrives that night, he is cautious for only a moment and then, he is hugging everyone around, also celebrating the news.

Cara stands by the side, stiff as a board, one of her hands firmly on top of an agiel. She keeps casting glances at Kahlan's abdomen when she thinks nobody is watching her.

She is not even sure what she expects to see.

Richard observes the women during dinner and the remainder of the evening. At one point, when they move from the table to the chairs that are placed by the fire, Kahlan puts her hand on Cara's waist, slightly lower than it would be proper. As she does it, she stands closer than she normally would, her body pressing along Cara's side. It would be nothing out of the ordinary, except this is Cara. And you do not touch Cara Mason and get to keep your fingers attached to your hand if she does not welcome the touch.

Richard knows that Cara has always suffered through Kahlan's touches, but never without flinching, or at the very least, rolling her eyes or staring pointedly at the hand daring to touch her. But this time, the opposite happens: Cara relaxes when Kahlan touches her, her posture growing less rigid.

The lighting in the room is not very good, but he thinks both women blush at the touch.

He has to look away.

He is the Seeker of Truth. And there might be truths he does not want to see: in others and in himself, but they do not disappear because he dislikes them. He knows then, with absolute clarity, that something must have already happened between them. It makes something ugly stir in his chest. Something dark and odious. And later, when the four of them are finally alone and Richard is slightly inebriated from the wine Zedd kept giving him, some of that darkness casts a shadow over them all.

It helps them settle the score on a number of things that perhaps needed saying.

It starts after a slightly inappropriate, mostly one-sided, conversation about Zedd's youthful contests, followed by an equally racy discussion of the expertise of Mord'Sith in matters of the flesh that has Kahlan blushing and Cara looking torn between amusement and pride.

It ends with a comment from Richard. "You know what is funny, Cara? Darken already told me," he says, "how eager you always were to please." His eyes turn towards Kahlan, his meaning clear.

Cara feels the words like the touch of an agiel to her stomach. Pain does not bother her, of course, but it surprises her nonetheless that such simple words can cause it. Regardless, she only smirks back at Richard.

"And so I was," she says, voice rough. She may regret her past actions, but she will not deny who she is, what she has done.

"Do not talk to Cara like that," there is fury in Kahlan's eyes, darkness swirling in them for a moment.

Zedd shakes his head. "Richard, my boy," he mumbles, "don't-"

But Cara stops them. "I can fight my own battles," she says.

Kahlan is quiet for a long time after that. "I know," she finally whispers, looking away: she is wondering if anyone can ever truly take precedence in Cara's life over her Lord Rahl.

Richard blinks, finally realising what he just said, emerging with a near gasp from the black waters of dark feeling that nearly drowned him for a moment. He stands, rubbing his forehead. "I am sorry, Cara, I don't know what came over me." He says. "I do not begrudge you this happiness. I do not."

It is that darn Rahl blood of his. He has noticed, recently, that without the influence of Kahlan to help him tame it, there is a certain darkness that sometimes takes over him. It is why they need this fourth confessor: the balance she will bring. He talked to Zedd about this during their stay at the Palace of the Prophets. The wizard has started to help him control it with the aid of the sisters of the light. Also, to control the bond. He knows from Tamica, the Mord'Sith that travels with him, that some of his darkness has been leaking through the bond.

He turns to Kahlan. "I am sorry, Kahlan," he says. There is sincerity in his eyes. "I just lost my mind for a second. Please forgive me?"

Kahlan keeps her gaze averted. She is not upset with Richard.

"It's understandable," Cara says, breaking the silence between them all before it can become even more uncomfortable. She also rises and stands next to Richard.

"It is not. You have done nothing wrong, Cara." He says softly.

She says nothing, because the thing is, she has. She has coveted and dreamed and wished for Kahlan. Every day and every night for as long as she has had this new life Richard gave her. She only frowns and looks down at the floor.

Richard is her Lord Rahl. And more than that. He is her friend, her ally. She loves him. She would never betray him. If it were possible, she would have already rid herself of this idiotic weakness. She thinks about the countless hours in between visits to Aydindril and the People's Palace that she has spent over the years with what remains of her sisters' order; hanging from chains, half beaten to death and back: trying to break herself out of her foolish feelings for Kahlan.

It simply cannot be done.

It is stronger than her bond to her Lord Rahl, much as she resists the knowledge.

"I will be ready to leave when you depart for the People's Palace," she finally tells him.

Kahlan gasps at hearing the words. "Cara," she breathes, reaching out, but her hand stops before she can touch her. It is Cara's duty, she knows. Who she is. She will not come in between Cara and Richard.

But Richard shakes his head. "No," he says at last. "You must stay here, Cara: protect Kahlan and our daughters," he smiles as he adds softly, "as if they were me."

He finishes the old command by reaching to touch both of Cara's shoulders, looking into her eyes.

It is a command that he has issued dozens of times, and for the first time in years, Cara does not want to rebel against it.

"I will." She simply says.

xxx

Soon after, Richard and Zedd retire to their rooms, leaving Cara and Kahlan alone.

They sit in silence for a long time, each one lost in their own thoughts.

Finally, Cara stands up and moves to Kahlan's side. They look at each other until Cara offers a hand.

Kahlan stares at Cara's hand but does not reach to take it.

Then, Cara remembers something Kahlan told her that morning. She takes off her gloves and puts them on her belt, offering her hand again.

This time, Kahlan takes it, letting Cara pull her to her feet.

Despite all the years of peace, Kahlan still has some calluses left from handling her knives. She has nice hands, with elegant, long fingers. They are bigger than Cara's, and when she closes her hand around Cara's and squeezes lightly, the Mord'Sith remembers how those fingers had felt on her body, the pleasure they gave her. It makes her impatient. She tugs again at Kahlan's hand and starts moving them towards the door.

Kahlan lets her lead. She is tired. She is not sure if it has been a good day after all.

"Cara, would you have gone with Richard if he had asked?" She asks as they walk side by side down the poorly lit corridor.

Cara does not stop walking, "you know I would have."

"I know." Kahlan says. It is Cara's duty. Duty above all else. Kahlan thinks morosely.

But then Cara says something unexpected. "But I would have come back."

xxx

When they make it to Kahlan's rooms, Cara stops. She hesitates, but Kahlan pushes the door open and, reaching again for Cara's hand, pulls her into the room behind her. When they are inside, she turns towards the Mord'Sith.

"You can go to your room if you want," she says. "But I would like it if you stayed with me. You are always welcome here, Cara."

Then, she moves in closer, kissing Cara softly, once, twice. Just a brush of lips over impossibly soft, plump lips. She lets her tongue reach out to lick her upper lip. Just a taste. She hears herself moan. Her hand reaches up, to caress Cara's throat and jaw, moving some blonde hair out of the way, pushing it behind Cara's ear.

She pulls back and looks into Cara's eyes. They are bruised: darkened by an emotion that makes Kahlan's heart jump in her chest. Words that may need to remain unsaid for a while rising in her throat, almost escaping.

She pulls back completely before she cannot stop herself. Last night awakened a need in Kahlan that may be difficult to repress if she keeps touching Cara. She squeezes Cara's hand and moves towards the bed, half of her mind on changing her clothes and the other half on listening to what Cara is doing. She does not want to pressure Cara into doing anything she might not be ready for. Last night had been wonderful, but it felt like she had pushed things along.

She needs for Cara to come to her.

She slips under the covers as she hears the door to her rooms close. She closes her eyes in frustration, thinking that she might have to run after Cara come morning, but then, she opens them wide as she hears the lock to the door turning from the inside. She waits for long minutes after that, but the Mord'Sith does not join her in bed. When Kahlan finally raises herself enough to look around, she sees her: she is seated in one of the chairs by the fire, her back to Kahlan.

Kahlan is almost asleep when she feels the bed shifting, Cara finally, finally, joining her. She turns on her side and reaches for the other woman, finding only warm skin. It wakes her up immediately: Cara is naked under the covers.

"Take this off." Cara tells her as she tugs on her night clothes.

"Cara," Kahlan whispers. "Maybe we should talk first." She reaches to touch Cara's face, caressing her high eyebrows, her straight nose and soft cheeks. She cannot imagine what Cara must be thinking right now. She should have told her about what she saw in the well sooner.

Cara only frowns and tugs again, impatiently. "Take it off, Kahlan."

And so she does. She raises up slightly to remove the shift, throwing it carelessly to the side of the bed, before quickly slipping again under the covers, blushing, goose bumps raising all over her skin.

Cara reaches for her immediately. There is no hesitation from the Mord'Sith as she tangles their limbs together under the covers, one of her legs thrown over Kahlan's thighs, the soft hair at the apex of her legs brushing against Kahlan's warm skin, wet flesh making contact, causing Kahlan to lose all the breath in her lungs and start trembling in Cara's strong arms.

"Cara," she tries again. "We should talk." She wants to ask Cara if she is going to stay in Aydindril, and what this means: that she is here, in this bed, rubbing herself against Kahlan like this. Touching her. Kissing her shoulder, and her neck, and caressing her breasts and stomach. But then, Cara's hand reaches between her legs and she loses the power of speech.

xxx

Later, they lie in the centre of the bed. Kahlan on her back, one arm around the Mord'Sith. Cara is on her side, her face against Kahlan's shoulder, a hand absently rubbing Kahlan's stomach.

"Why did you lock the door before?" Kahlan asks.

Cara is silent for a bit. Then, she shifts against Kahlan. She reaches down, spreading the lips of her sex and pressing herself more firmly against Kahlan's thigh, starting a slow grind. "I like to take my pleasure best in the mornings." She taunts, voice low.

It is a nonsensical answer, but Kahlan's breath hitches at the seductive words, at Cara's actions. From the tone that she used, Kahlan is almost sure that the Mord'Sith is just messing with her, but she feels her body reacting just the same. A sure hand moves over her body, fingers splaying over her ribs, reaching up possessively to caress her breast. She does not think she can go again so soon after her last orgasm, but maybe she is wrong. This is an area where Cara is clearly in a league of her own. Kahlan is only now beginning to truly understand how much the words mistress of pleasure fit Cara. What they mean.

"I closed it because, otherwise, the girls could come into the room in the morning." Cara finally answers, her tone of voice back to normal. She is thinking about the undignified exit of the previous morning and perhaps, yes, a little bit about the possibility of sex in the morning. She would be totally up for that.

It is hard to think clearly when Cara is touching her, but Kahlan wants Cara to be part of her whole life. Not just to share this bed with her. "They will find out eventually." She says hesitantly, her words implying there will be other occasions: that this is not just a fling. She waits, but Cara does not correct her.

Kahlan does not say it, but she wants to tell the whole world about them. In fact, she wants too many things to name when it comes to Cara. "And, in any case, they are not that sophisticated, they would not know what we were doing," Kahlan concludes.

Cara bites her earlobe, kissing the sensitive skin there. "What if they come in when you are licking my-"

"I see your point," Kahlan interrupts before Cara can finish her sentence, a hand reaching to cover Cara's mouth. She looks into Cara's eyes and sees the smile there. She is only teasing her, trying to embarrass her with her forward words and behaviour.

It makes Kahlan smile right back as she hides her face in Cara's neck, blushing.

It is a while until any of them speaks again. Kahlan is warm and comfortable, very nearly dozing against Cara.

"I had a son, once." Cara says it so softly Kahlan is not sure if she has imagined it.

She does not know what to say. Cara has never, in all these years, mentioned her son.

Not once.

Cara is as shocked as Kahlan. She is not sure why she has mentioned it now.

Zedd had told them the story of the other world, the one that was erased by the spell of undoing, all those years ago. Kahlan had known that he was not telling everything as the wizard was spinning his tale of Cara, the pink-dressed school teacher. She had seen him talk to Cara that night and how withdrawn the Mord'Sith had become afterwards. And so, later, when she had confronted him in private, he had told Kahlan about Cara's son, and how Darken had taunted Cara, telling her that he had been killed immediately after being born.

Zedd was not sure if the Cara of this world, twice undone, had known of his fate. He had felt Cara needed to know.

Maybe, in a way, he had also known that it was something Kahlan should know about.

Kahlan moves her arms more firmly around Cara, hugging her tightly to her body. It makes her aware of how much smaller Cara is. It is only her fierce, imposing persona that projects the illusion of a larger size. She hugs Cara so tightly that the Mord'Sith cannot breath for a moment. She feels Cara growing tense against her, but then, she relaxes, her body growing heavy and boneless in her embrace.

Kahlan kisses her shoulder. "I know." She finally whispers into Cara's ear, choking back on the tears the Mord'Sith will not shed, crying for her, for him: their nameless, lost son. Ever since her vision in the well, Kahlan has started to think of her daughters as being also Cara's, and thus, in a way, Cara's son has somehow become hers. "Zedd told me."

Then, she talks quietly for a long time, murmuring into Cara's ear. She talks about how much Kyla, Sonja and Doly love her. How they always ask about her and want to hear stories about the Mord'Sith before they go to sleep. How Doly sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night, frightened by a dream, and calls for her Mommie Cara. How when that happens, Kahlan herself wishes for nothing more than the Mord'Sith could be there with them. How when Cara is in Aydindril the sun reaches higher in the horizon, the sky is bluer and every hour lived feels a bit longer, a bit richer.

She pinches one of Cara's buttocks lightly and shushes her when the Mord'Sith starts trashing against her, trying to escape, complaining about all the feelings Kahlan is bombarding her with. She ignores all of Cara's groans as she tries to interrupt her ridiculous speech, because this is something she has to say.

Something Cara needs to hear.

She also explains a small part of what she saw in the well, not all, because there will be time for that later, but she speaks of the little girl with the long blonde hair and eyes the colour of the sky during a bright summer morning, running after night wisps, playing with her three older sisters.

"Shota showed me four healthy, happy little girls. They all grow into strong confessors, Cara. Loved by Richard, and Zedd, and her mo-, her family." She says.

She reaches up to move some hair out of Cara's face, but the Mord'Sith refuses to make eye contact.

Kahlan kisses her mouth tenderly, pressing lightly for a few moments, and then, more firmly, letting her lips open, her tongue reaching out, stoking a fire that had laid in embers moments before. She feels Cara surging against her almost immediately, body arching into hers wantonly. Their kiss grows passionate very quickly, but before Cara can take over, as Kahlan has noticed that she is keen to do, she pulls back.

"We will protect them, Cara." She says, breathing heavily. "Nothing bad will happen to any of them."

"You cannot know that." Cara answers, finally making eye contact.

But she does not correct Kahlan on any of her other statements.

It tells Kahlan all she needs to know: it makes her smile. And maybe, cry a little, but she hides her face in Cara's neck before the Mord'Sith can notice. She sniffs quietly as she tells herself she needs to stop crying every time they share a bed if she does not want to scare the Mord'Sith away.

She wants to tell Cara that she knows they will be happy, all of them together, but she only kisses her again.

She does not fool herself. She knows there is much to discuss, much to arrange, much to fight over. She knows Cara will need to run away sometimes, that she might never share herself with them the way she would like her to, but it is of no consequence: Kahlan will have whatever Cara can give her and it will be much more than enough.

xxx

The following morning, Kahlan wakes up very early. Cara is still asleep, lying on her side. Kahlan takes her time to study the other woman. She cannot stop herself from reaching over and touching Cara's cheek, her throat, her collarbones. She moves her hand lower, close to the tantalizing valley between Cara's breasts. She feels Cara stir and she moves her eyes away from her treacherous hand.

Cara is awake and looking at her.

It makes her shy. "Hey," she breathes the word, flushing slightly at being caught touching her like this.

Cara reaches for Kahlan's hand and places it over her left breast, her nipple growing hard immediately. Kahlan's soft hand squeezes lightly, feeling the strong heart beat underneath.

Cara regards her seriously for a moment and finally asks what she has been wanting to know. "What else did you see in the well?" she says.

"This." Kahlan answers as she pushes Cara onto her back and moves in to give her a deep kiss.

Almost immediately however, they are interrupted by the sound of tiny fits banging on a door.

"It's the girls. They must be awake." Kahlan says with regret as she breaks the kiss.

Cara only rolls her eyes and slides off the bed. She picks up p Kahlan's discarded shift and puts it on. Once she is dressed, she opens the door to the connecting room.

Kyla and Sonja run into the room and jump on the bed, tackling their mother to the mattress before Cara can even say good morning.

It takes Doly about a second longer to attach herself to Cara's legs. Her dark hair wild and untamed, hiding her face.

"I also saw this," Kahlan mumbles, almost apologetically. Then, she looks at Cara from behind a curtain of dark hair not unlike her daughter's, bright blue eyes twinkling with humour and that other thing. The one that starts that strange, annoying pressure in Cara's chest and that Cara has already determined is only relieved when she buries herself in the confessor.

Cara huffs as she crosses her arms under her breasts and stares at Kahlan.

"At least, when they came in, I didn't have my head between your-," she starts to say.

"CARA!"

FIN.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Over Again