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Prologue
It had all started when Arsenal was kidnapped arrested by some alien dictatorship on some planet that Jason couldn't even remember the name of anymore. Jason hadn’t handled it… well. At least, if someone were to ask the Hal Jordan and the two other members of the Green Lantern Corps who’d responded to the planet's distress signal, he hadn’t. Red Hood had, according to Starfire, singlehandedly dismantled every infrastructure and system that kept the tyrants in power. Roy Harper was inevitably returned, relatively unscathed, and the revolution that the Outlaws had been helping with celebrated the win. The Green Lanterns had tried to explain that this wasn't an "appropriate use of force" or how "governmental changes in this matter destabilize the delicate political landscape."
The lecture had ended when Red Hood stared them down with his impassive helmet and simply stated, "Oh, so you're for political leaders with dictatorships enslaving the very people it is their job to care for?"
Hal opened his mouth to try and protest that that wasn't what he was saying, when Hood had cut him off. "Actually, don't answer that. You can answer Green Arrow's questions when I tell him why you were going to let his son and your godson be publicly executed on an alien planet." By the time the Green Lanterns had recovered the from the shock, the Outlaws were gone.
It all culminated after Red Hood served himself up on a silver platter to the Joker in exchange for Robin's safety. Damian had come to Jason's apartment before going to the Batcave. "Akhi has allowed himself to be taken by the Clown on my behalf," the youngest bird told Roy.
"Where?" the redhead asked, already gearing up to go after Hood. The mostly-reformed crime lord was protective of kids — none more so than his first little brother — often to his own detriment. Roy had been watching his back for as long as Jason had let him, and sometimes that included from Jason himself.
Robin, although Roy was convinced this was more Damian than Robin, directed Arsenal to a warehouse on the edge of the Bowery.
Of course it's always a fucking warehouse, the archer thought bitterly.
He found the building easily enough and utilized all of the stealth he'd learn to creep to the window. He saw the Joker towering over an already-battered Red Hood with a crowbar. The next thing he remembered, someone was pulling him off who he assumed was the Joker, although the figure was unrecognizable with how Arsenal had beaten it into the ground.
The Clown had hurt Jason, again. Batman had already brought him back once, and Roy wasn't going to let him do it again. He tried to fight off the hands holding him back.
"Arsenal… Arsenal!" His eyes finally managed to focus on the face in front of him. Nightwing's worried and pinched expression let Roy know that this was definitely not the first time the other vigilante had tried to get his attention. "He's gone; he's dead. The Joker's dead, Roy. You got him. It's okay."
"Jaybird?" His voice sounded strangled.
"He's okay too. Alfred wants to see him at the Batcave, but we'll bring him back to your apartment after he gets checked out. Just send me the address."
That pulled Arsenal out of thoughts even faster. Their apartment, as in, the one he and Jason shared, as in the one with only one bed because they turned the other bedroom into an office. As in, the one that Roy promised none of the Bats would be welcome in so that Jason could have the safety that existed in being able to escape his overbearing family sometimes.
"Robin can bring him; he knows the address. No Bats."
To his credit, Nightwing looked confused, and like he wanted to protest, but he agreed anyways. "Okay. Just Robin."
Roy had no misconceptions about the fact that once he was with it enough, Jason would demand they burn the apartment and move immediately — maybe even get out of Gotham for a little bit — and he agreed. One of the Bats was definitely going to follow Damian to drop Jason off, if they didn't just put a tracker on them. Hell, he would have to make sure Nightwing didn't put one on him now before he headed back.
The Justice League had held an intervention. Roy didn't remember what other bullshit name they called it, but it was definitely an intervention. He’d had enough of them during the height of his addiction; he knew what they looked like. And this was an intervention.
Dinah told him that the Justice League was concerned about his and Jason's "codependent relationship", and they wanted them to seek counselling for it. The League had included a list of therapists that were vigilante-approved and promised that money wasn't an issue as Bruce and Ollie would pay for whoever they saw. The two remaining Outlaws had planned on ditching the list as soon as they got back to their apartment and hiding until the Bats and Arrows forgot about their wayward undead sidekicks.
Until Roy saw that they had included a single couple's therapist on the list. Whether it was because they truly believed he and Jay were together, or if it was just a list of all vigilante-approved counsellors, or if it was a last-ditch effort to get them to see someone.
Whatever the reason for them being included, Roy tried his absolute best to convince Jason to go with him because "Think about it, Jaybird. It would be so funny."
"Roy, we're not together," Jason had responded with an exasperated sigh, although there was something else in his tone that Roy didn't have the chance to decipher before it was gone.
"That's why it would be funny," the archer countered. He tried his absolute best kicked puppy eyes, wide and pitiful, the ones that made Jason cave without fail, even if he did pretend that it was some great inconvenience.
"Fine." Jason rolled his eyes, but he had still agreed. The sad puppy strategy was still viable.
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One
"So tell me a little about your relationship. I like to start with what my clients think I should know and go from there."
Jason was going to kill Roy. He was going to actually kill him, and then he would have to tell Ollie and Dinah that he had killed their son because he dragged the two of them to couple's therapy when they weren't a couple.
Not that Jason hadn't thought about it. He was emotionally distant and an asshole, not blind. It was just that Roy deserved better than him and his shit — better than a half-repaired family relationship with the Bats and Jason constantly on edge, waiting for the next time Bruce was going to kill him. He had tried to spare Roy from that all the way back in that warehouse, had told him that he couldn't be who Roy needed wanted him to be.
He had thought that Roy would listen — a mistake on his part, really, since Roy had never listened to Jason — when the redhead didn't pop up in Gotham after he'd freed himself from the warehouse. Then the Penguin had happened; Bruce had gone to kill Jason again, which was frankly exhausting from the "we don't kill" guy, and Roy had swooped in to save him like a guardian angel.
They'd been together as a team since then — Red Hood and Arsenal. Even Jason would admit that he…liked it. He liked having another person to rely on, someone who had chosen him. So they had stayed together, and had worked on, and were now sitting in couple's counselling despite not being a couple.
How the fuck was he supposed to describe that? he asked himself. Thankfully, it seemed that Roy had thought that far ahead.
The archer was telling some tale, years in the making, about rescuing Roy from a dark time in his life (which Jason had, multiple times); about Roy saving Jason (which he had, also multiple times); and about their "partnership" (which they, obviously, still had). The therapist scribbled in her notebook while Roy talked, until he said that they had trust in, and loyalty to, each other. She scribbled harder.
The rest of the session was a blur — the therapist asked clarifying questions, Jason tried to avoid talking about how much Bruce had fucked him up in case Roy decided he wasn't worth the effort after all, and Roy pretended they were madly in love. It was easier than Jason had expected it to be.
"I recommend taking the time to really think, individually, about what your partner and your relationship means to you. I'll see you next week."
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Roy did listen to the therapist and did think about what Jason meant to him, and the answer he came up with was terrifying. The concept of loving Jason Todd terrified Roy because it almost certainly led into the thing he was scared of most: losing Jason Todd.
He wasn't going to didn't know how to bring it up in the session, but their therapist kept looking at him almost knowingly. After this, he would have to ask Dinah if the Justice League therapists could read minds or something. The therapist — Dr. Thompson, he finally remembered — was asking Jason some follow-up questions about whatever answer he’d skirted the truth in true Bat-like fashion. The younger man was tense; Roy could tell from the way his jaw was set and how he held his shoulders.
Dr. Thompson was writing something in her notebook again, but whatever Jason had just said made the pen stop. Her head shot up in concern, but Roy wasn't sure what Jason had said.
"Can you repeat that please?" Yes, please do.
Jason shook his head and tried to hide. There was shame written across his face, which meant that what he’d said almost certainly had to do with Bruce. The emotion that Jason felt about Dick was usually concern, in contrast to the affection he felt for Damian, and the guilt that seemed to always come with Tim.
"This is a safe space, Jason. What is discussed in these sessions is protected by doctor and patient confidentiality. I don't repeat what you say here to anyone else, including whoever is paying the bill, unless I feel that you are a genuine threat to yourself or others."
Jason scoffed, and Roy almost did too. Jason was always a threat to himself or others.
"And even then, the information would be directed to the appropriate officials not, how did you say…"
The doctor trailed off and Roy watched with moderate amusement as she seemed to fight with herself about what was the "right" thing to say. Roy wasn't sure which side won, but she finally did say, "… an emotionally stunted, immature, privileged furry?"
Jason snorted. Roy snorted. The therapist tried to hide a smile. The two of them were doing a great job in therapy. The description 100% sounded like something Jason would have used to describe Batman.
"You can be honest here. Do you understand that, Jason?"
He looked conflicted, but eventually he nodded, and Roy wanted to sob with relief. Roy knew that there was at least some small part of Jason that still thought of Roy as Dick's friend first, and that that part may never fully trust him not to snitch to Dick. He never would, but Roy also didn't have HIPAA laws and a degree backing him up.
"Will you repeat what you said again, please?" It struck Roy that this was a genuine request. Batman had this way of phrasing things to make them sound like a question or a request, but they were really an order. There was nothing disingenuous in Dr. Thompson's words. Jason could say "no" and walk out, and that would be the end of it.
"I said that—" Jason took a deep breath, and Roy reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. He may have been imagining it, but he could have sworn that the younger man leaned into the touch. "I'm scared."
"What are you scared of, Jason?"
"I'm scared that… that people — that Roy —" and the redhead paid extra attention when he heard his own name, "will think that I'm not worth all of the trouble and get rid of me."
"Like your father?" Dr. Thompson asked, reading between the lines of what Jason wasn't offering.
It sounded like she had more to say, but they never heard it because in the moment that Jason had gone pale, Roy had draped his arm protectively around Jason and spat out, "Bruce isn't his fucking father," with far more venom than should have been angled at the nice, probably innocent therapist.
She didn't even seem fazed by it, still taking her notes like before.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."
"I understand that that's what you think, Roy, and I appreciate the apology.” She turned back to Jason. "Do you still think of him as your father, Jason?"
"It doesn't matter what I think. He told me he wasn't my father."
The therapist's pen stopped scribbling, and she looked up again. "Will you expound on that, please?"
"Before I di— before Ethiopia, he told me that I wasn't his son, and that he didn't need my teenage rebellion. It's why I went to go find Sheila."
The scribbling was back, but what the therapist said next was lost over the static in Roy's head. He had known something had driven Jason to Ethiopia, but the other Outlaw had never told him the reason in the entire time they’d been working together. The archer hadn't had a high of opinion of Bruce — not since Dick would tell the Teen Titans about his shortcomings — but this was a level of low that he thought not even the Bat could reach.
If a person truly wanted to make excuses for Wayne, they could have argued that he had been too distraught by his undead, murdering crime lord son to be thinking straight for the Batarang to the neck… and the beating him into a coma… when he hadn't been fighting back… after he hadn't killed someone. (Roy was not one of those people). But telling a child who he had promised safety and love and care, a child who called him Dad, that he wasn't their father was a new rock bottom for Batman.
Before he knew it, Dr Thompson's alarm was going off, signalling the end of their session. "Jason, I want you to think about what Roy and the other people in your life can do to reassure you that you are secure in each of those relationships. Roy, we'll talk about your history in the next session, so be kind to yourself this week."
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Two
To be fair, Jason did think about what reassurances he would need from his friends. All of them came down to the same one — Don't be Bruce.
Don't dangle love in front of me like something that can be ripped away.
Don't hold me to an impossible standard you don't hold yourself to.
Don't miss who I was so that you don't see that I'm standing in front of you right now.
And when he actually thought about it, he realized that Roy had done all of those things for him. Roy had never promised anything he hadn't given Jason. Roy had never physically hurt him, even when Jason was at his most volatile. He had never acted like Jason was less than him, and he'd never even implied that he wished Jason was the same kid as before he died.
Jason didn't know what it meant — about him, about Roy, about the two of them — and he was still trying to figure it out by the time their next appointment came around. Dr. Thompson had said that she would talk to Roy during this session, and Jason was conflicted on whether or not he should eavesdrop or just zone out during the appointment. He understood that they were doing the therapy thing together, but they weren't actually together. It felt like an invasion of privacy.
He hadn't been paying attention, content with that decision until the therapist was looking at him expectantly.
"Could… could you repeat the question?" he asked, intentionally stopping himself from cringing in to make himself seem smaller.
"Of course, Jason," Dr. Thompson said, with no hint of anger or disappointment. "I believe couples need to have open and honest communication, even if that can lead to hurt feelings. It's more important to be honest and then find what there is to work on than it is to marinate in harboured animosity. With that in mind, is there anything — concerns or opinions — that you would like to voice regarding Roy's addictions?"
"Past addictions," Jason heard himself correct the therapist.
Roy had been addicted to heroin — just like Catherine — and he had promised to get clean — just like Catherine — but he actually had. Catherine had never managed, but Roy had gone to rehab and did the NA meetings and reached out to his support systems when he needed to. Roy was doing all the things that a much younger Jason had begged Catherine to do; how could he ask any more from him?
"I don't have any thoughts or opinions on Roy's addiction because it's not my place to." He tried to sell the lie, but from the looks on their faces, neither Roy nor the therapist were convinced.
"It's a safe space, Jaybird," Roy said, calm and reassuring. "You can say whatever you need to. I can take it. Promise."
Jason sighed. "Just… just don't make me find you again." He didn't know if Roy even remembered it — he wasn't sure how he remembered it — but it was one of the few times that Dick had brought the second Robin to meet the Titans. He had found Roy unconscious before any of his teammates even knew the archer had an addiction. He'd administered Naloxone and sat with Roy while he collected himself again. And, against his better judgement, he didn't tell Dick. "I — I had to — I was the one who found Catherine when… when she overd— when she died. I can't do that again."
"Thank you for sharing, Jason," Dr. Thompson said before returning to writing in her notebook.
Roy was staring at him with a horrified look on the redhead's face, and the therapist hadn't looked back up from her notes yet.
"Jaybird." Roy sounded distraught. Jason had done that. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
"'S okay, Roy. Not like it was your fault."
The scribbling in the background stopped, and Dr. Thompson looked up again. "Jason, do you often feel like it is your responsibility to absolve the others around you of their guilt?"
Well, yes, but they weren't here to talk about Jason. "I thought this was Roy's session? I wouldn't want to impose."
"It's couple's counselling, Jason," which was a very good point from the therapist, but still. "It's both of your session."
"Jaybird, I want you to be the very best you can be. If taking a little more time now will help with that, then take it. Please." Roy had brought his sad puppy routine — the one that had Jason sitting in this room in the first place — back, and Jason was still as helpless against it now as he had been before.
"Could… could you repeat the question? Please?"
"Of course, Jason." The therapist's tone was still as cordial and genuine as it had been previously. "Do you often feel like you have to absolve the others around you of their guilt?"
Oh… right. That question.
"Ye—yeah? I guess… yeah."
"Do you remember when that started?"
"After Willis went to prison. Mama got hurt working extra shifts, and it's how she got addicted. But she was always guilty about it, and always apologizin', but that didn't help anyone, and it changed nothin'."
"And do you feel like an apology is an even exchange for the effort that you put in?"
"Uh… I guess? I mean I'm just saying words. An apology is just words too."
The therapist started scribbling faster, and Jason couldn't help but to wonder what she was writing this time.
"Is that why you keep working with Bruce? Even though he keeps hurting you?'
If Jason was smarter, he would have rebutted that by saying that Bruce hadn't hurt him. Roy would have disputed that, though, so maybe he could’ve said that Bruce hadn't hurt him in a lasting way.
But he wasn't smarter, so what instead came out was a scoffed, "That would have required Bruce to apologize to me."
Roy made a choked noise, and Jason knew that if he looked over at the archer, he would break too.
The therapist stopped taking notes and looked up again. "So to get this correct — all of these things that Bruce has done to you, and he's never apologized?"
Jason thought about it. "Well he did apologize once — that he didn't save me, which I don't even blame him for or care about really — but it was kind of overshadowed by him slitting my throat to save my murderer and then leaving me in a building that had just exploded immediately after."
Even intentionally shifted so that Roy was out of his peripheral vision, Jason could tell that Roy was tense. He partially turned back to the archer.
"Are you… okay?"
"It's just… a lot of information to take in. But I'll be okay, Jaybird. And besides, this is about you, not me." Roy smiled, one of the small, reassuring ones that Jason hadn't seen him use with anyone else.
"Okay." Jason let himself smile back at Roy — something small and sad and not nearly as nice as Roy's — but he could still see the weight lift off the redhead's shoulders anyway.
Dr. Thompson's timer went off, startling both vigilantes.
"Jason, Bruce hurting you with deadly force as you've described today is a very big deal and important for other people to know. I understand that it's very scary to trust other people with that information, but this week, I do want you to think of between one and three people you think you might want to tell."
Jason nodded. The only person who had known all of the specifics was Talia. Roy had known about the batarang, but not about why Bruce had thrown it. And definitely not about what Bruce had done after.
"Roy, your job this week is to forgive yourself. Everything discussed in this session is already over and in the past. There is nothing you can do now to change the outcome. The fact that you didn't notice at the time says nothing about your worth as a person, your qualifications as a vigilante, or your ability to be a friend. I'll see you both next week."
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Three
Roy had known about the batarang to the throat, but he hadn't known any of the other details. Batman was one of the first big heroes of the Justice League, and somewhere inside of Roy was his younger self's unflappable belief in his bid for justice. When he had first heard about the batarang, he hadn't wanted to believe it, especially from Batman whose entire belief system was that everyone was redeemable. The rest of the faith Roy had left in Batman died when he’d had to stop the vigilante who had once lectured literal Wonder Woman on non-lethal strategies from killing his once-son.
The ride back to their apartment was nearly silent. It was usually quiet, but sometimes Roy would make stupid comments about things they saw on their drive, and Jason would pretend that he didn't crack a small smile at them. But now… what could Roy have possibly said to alleviate the burden on Jason? He tried a few times to break the tension, but Jason only offered him monosyllabic responses.
Dr. Thompson was right though; Roy was feeling immense amounts of guilt for not noticing the situation between Bruce and Jason. But more notably, Roy felt absolutely terrible about the knowledge that Jason had found Catherine when she had died, and then found Roy the same way. He hadn't thought about why Bruce Wayne's newest project carried Naloxone on him at all times; the archer had been much more concerned with Nightwing not finding out. So Jason had kept his secret, apparently at great personal cost to himself. It would be almost endearing if it didn't make Roy's heart ache for Jason so much.
"I think we should tell Dick. About Bruce."
They had just finished dinner and were doing the dishes together when Jason said it. Roy almost dropped the plate in his hands but recovered enough to have zero affect to his voice when he said, "I think that would be good. Any particular reason why?"
"Just…"
There was silence, interrupted only by the clink of dishes, for a breath longer before Jason went on.
"Just, the new kid — Damian — he's killed too. I don't… I don't know if I trust Bruce with him."
"Okay. Then we'll tell Dick. Although I want you to be prepared for the very real possibility that telling Dick will also mean Oracle knows."
Very real possibility meaning that the moment Jason told Dick, the older vigilante was definitely going to run to to Barbara and try and get her to fix everything. Not even Oracle was that much of a miracle worker.
"That's… that's okay. I think."
"If you're sure, Jaybird. I'll text Dick about getting lunch this week. Where did you want to go?"
"Anywhere," Jason countered on instinct. "At least, anywhere that's not in the Alley."
Roy could work with that.
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All in all, the conversation with Dick could have gone much worse. He had brought Barbara, and they had managed to sit quietly during Jason's recounting of his and Bruce's history when Red Hood first appeared in Gotham. They both looked sick when Jason described the batarang, and they had said "give us some time, okay?" which Roy took to mean "let us find the cowl footage so we can determine if you, someone who is saying you're a victim, is lying". It didn't endear them to the archer at all.
But eventually they must have found what they were looking for, because Dick had added both of the earthside Outlaws to a group chat with himself and Babs to coordinate how to get Damian out of Wayne Manor. After Jay had given his approval, he had also added Alfred. Roy was confident that Oracle would be able to figure out all of those logistics, namely custody of Damian, so he recentered his focus on Jason.
Dick and Babs' acceptance and encouragement seemed to have reinvigorated Jason to some degree, so by the time their next therapy session rolled around, he didn't seem like he was dreading it quite so much.
The session seemed easy and straightforward compared to the previous week's. There was no life-altering information being shared about Bruce's treatment of his kids; there was no new fundamental trauma to be explored. Jason told Dr. Thompson that he had told Dick and Babs about Bruce. Dr. Thompson told Jason that she was proud of him for being brave and trusting Dick, and Roy tried not to think about how desperately his best friend soaked up that little bit of acknowledgement.
The three of them talked a little more about the other people Jason trusted (which apparently included Donna and Kyle Rayner and Talia fucking al Ghul). Dr. Thompson asked a few questions about Roy's relationship with Ollie, and she tried to hide how relieved she was when she discovered that Ollie was mostly a fine parent. He had had his moments, but the combined efforts of Dinah and Hal had gotten him out of his failures as a parent pretty quickly. Ollie had been trying to make up with Roy; the redhead had been comfortable about his and Ollie's relationship ever since Dinah had made the two of them go to therapy years ago.
"I'm very pleased with your progress individually, Jason and Roy. I think we have a good base to start working on your relationship next week."
Oh, right. Roy had kind of forgotten about that part. The part where he had to lie about being in a relationship with Jason Todd; the part where he had to use all of his undercover skills from being a vigilante to act like playing pretend in the thing that he'd wanted for years wasn't slowly eating him alive.
"Jason, this week I want you to focus on being kind to yourself. You've done a lot these last few weeks, but it's okay to rest too."
Something from the set of Jason's shoulders told Roy that he didn't agree with Dr. Thompson, but Roy did. Dick was the same way — which meant Roy assumed it was something given to them by Bruce — but neither of the former Robins knew how to take a break.
"Roy, I found it was easier to write yours down this session." The therapist handed Roy a slip of paper that had clearly been torn out of her notebook. "I'll see you both next week."
The two of them were home before Roy even dared to open the note. He locked himself in the bathroom just in case Jason was walking by accidentally and saw it. He was expecting some great chastisement for his failures as a friend and partner that Dr. Thompson was wise enough not to say in front of Jason since the younger vigilante would defend Roy almost on instinct, but instead there were nine equally, if not more, damning words.
You should be honest with him about your feelings.
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Roy had been acting weird ever since their last therapy session. Jason wasn't sure why given that it was their easiest session, other than maybe the first one. It had been a nice change of pace from the other sessions they’d had so far. If he was being honest, Jason was even happy with the work they had been doing, and the therapist even seemed to agree.
Unfortunately, the therapist seemed to agree. She had mentioned that for the next session they would focus on Jason and Roy as a couple, which of course mean that—
No wonder Roy had been acting weird since that session. When he came to the realization, Jason had to fight for himself to not also be weird. The apartment needed some sort of normalcy.
"We should go somewhere, Jaybird," Roy had said, the day before they were scheduled to have therapy. "Somewhere away from all of this, just the two of us."
Jason saw it for what it was — running away — and while that had long been a speciality of the Outlaws, it had been a while since Roy had felt the need to run while it was just him and Jason. And really, the running away was more Jason's thing than anyone else's.
"We have… therapy tomorrow?" he tried.
Roy blanched at the concept, and Jason didn't think he wanted to know what it meant. "We could…"
Jason raised a single eyebrow, and Roy sighed.
"You're right. We should go. I'm just… scared, you know?"
Jason resisted the urge to sigh, which he thought was very big of him. "Roy… you signed up for this. You signed us up for this. You actually bullied me into signing up for this."
"Okay, yes, but I didn't think I was actually going to fa—" Roy cut off whatever he was about to say in favour of staring at his feet. He cleared his throat. "I just didn't think this far ahead, Jaybird."
Which was fair, Jason supposed. He hadn't really thought about the "couple" aspect of couple's counselling, but Dr. Thompson had been actually very helpful with all of Jason's other issues, and somewhere along the way, Jason had started to trust her. She had taken the information about Bruce really well, especially for someone who worked for the Justice League and was being paid by the man.
"We'll be okay, Roy. We've turned out fine so far" Roy looked up panicked, and Jason couldn't even blame him. He was pretty sure that this was the first time he had tried to offer the redhead any verbal reassurance.
Roy nodded. "Course we will, Jaybird."
Jason nodded in response and went to make dinner.
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Four
Jason had lied.
He had lied to Roy, but more importantly, he had lied to himself.
This wasn't fine.
None of this was fine.
Jason and Roy had arrived at their therapy appointment — like normal. They had greeted Dr. Thompson and exchanged pleasantries about their week — like normal.
And then they had sat down and Dr. Thompson uttered the worst words Jason had ever heard in his life.
"What does your sex life look like?"
If their therapist had thought something was off — and honestly, with the way that both Roy and Jason froze at that question, refusing to make eye contact with her or each other, how could she not — she was professional enough not to mention it. Instead, she simply waited. Jason wanted to know how horribly they had fucked up if she wasn't even doing her regular scribbling. Dr. Thompson was watching them quietly, and it unsettled Jason in a way that actual and literal torture and interrogation never had.
"We don't have sex," he finally offered carefully since apparently Roy was not going to be any help. The therapist nodded, finally starting to scribble in her notes, and Jason went on, "but we do share a bed."
The scribbling paused and then restarted, faster than before.
"Do you find each other attractive?" the therapist asked.
It seemed like a good, logical question for a therapist to ask. It didn't mean that Jason wanted to answer it though. Because if he thought about it, the answer to that question was obviously, without a doubt, yes. Roy would hate that, and then Jason would lose the only person who stayed with Jason because he wanted to — not out of obligation or guilt.
Roy scoffed, apparently remembering that he could speak, and Jason braced himself for what was coming.
"Obviously. I have eyes, don't I?"
He must have misheard that. There's no way Roy said what Jason thought he had said. It was wishful thinking; delusion as a holdover from his embarrassing childhood crush on the archer from when he was still Robin.
Jason made the mistake of looking at Roy, because when he turned his head to look at the archer, he discovered Roy was already looking at him. He blinked; Roy didn't.
He waited for the punchline to whatever the joke was. It never came.
Instead, Dr. Thompson asked him, "And what about you, Jason? Do you find your partner attractive?"
If Jason were a better man, this would have been the point at which he would come clean. He would admit that he and Roy weren't actually together, that it was all a ruse. But honesty did absolutely nothing to get rid of the warmth that bloomed in his chest when Dr. Thompson had called Roy his partner.
Both Roy and the therapist were still looking at Jason expectantly. He stared at the floor.
"I— ye— yeah?" Jason licked his lips nervously. When did it get so warm in here? "I think— yeah, I mean, Roy's attractive." Jason tried to keep it as straight-forward and factual as he could
Objectively, Roy was attractive.
Was Jason attracted to him? One hundred percent.
But he didn't want to admit that and lose the archer after everything they'd been through together.
He could feel his face start to burn from what he was sure was a truly horrendous blush. Jason risked a glance up and was relieved to see that Dr. Thompson wasn't looking at him, too busy with her notes. He risked a second glance to his right where Roy is sitting, which was a mistake. Roy was still staring at him, his green eyes too open, too expressive. It made Jason feel things he didn't think he'd ever felt before.
Jason had always known, to some extent, that he was a coward. It was why, when Batman caught him stealing the tires off the Batmobile, he ran. It was why he built a bomb into his helmet; he'd rather be dead than known. It was even why he’d dragged his dad Batman and the Joker to that rooftop, because he didn't know how to face the Clown on his own. It was why, when Bruce, time and time again, reminded Jason that he would never choose him, he still stayed. And it was why, now, he broke eye contact with the redhead to stare at his feet instead.
For a moment too long, the three of them sat in silence. The only noise was Dr. Thompson's note taking and a siren screaming by outside. Now that he knew what it was like, Jason couldn't help but to feel that Roy was still staring at him. It was intense in a way that made Jason's skin burn and shiver, and he found that he liked having the archer's attention on him.
The writing stopped.
"Alright, so—" Dr. Thompson was cut off by the alarm that signalled the end of the session.
It was both the best and worst noise Jason had ever heard.
Best, because it meant that he could escape Dr. Thompson's knowing eyes and somehow even more knowing notebook. Worst, because it meant he and Roy would be stuck in a car for the twenty minute drive back to their apartment with the knowledge that they had just shared.
Jason still hadn't managed to look back at Roy, too focussed on the ground… the therapist… his hangnail…
"It may not feel like it, but we made good progress today," Dr. Thompson assured them on their way out. She was right; it didn't feel like it at all, but Jason had really learned how to feel things that weren't anger or pain only recently. He was inclined to believe the therapist.
"You two have the same homework for this week — think about your sex life with your partner and what you want out of it. Try and have a conversation about it."
"Will do. Thanks, Doc," Jason heard himself say.
It was a lie.
They would not be doing that.
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The drive back to their apartment was silent. Really, Roy should have known that couple's counselling would include addressing couple things, but understanding that and being told point blank that he should have a conversation about sex with Jason were completely different things. He had absolutely thought about sex with Jason. The man was clearly attractive, funny in ways people didn't expect, more competent and intelligent than he let people believe, and much kinder than the world wanted to let him be.
There had always been hints of that when Arsenal and Red Hood started working together, but by the time that he had let Roy in enough to actually know the real Jason, the archer already cared too much for him; he wouldn't have thrown away everything they had for the sake of meaningless sex.
Jason didn't say anything until the two of them were back in the apartment.
The younger man waited until Roy had taken off his shoes — a habit he had developed since living with Jason — and moved further into the apartment before he cleared his throat. It was smart, Roy had to admit, to wait until he couldn't run. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for whatever horrible albeit justifiable thing Jason was going to say.
Maybe something about Roy's addiction or how weird it was because Roy had been technically an adult when he had met Jason as a kid, or maybe about the violation of trust that Roy had been hiding that he was attracted to Jason. When the therapist had asked the same question of Jason, the younger man had been incredibly uncomfortable, and finally answered in the most straight-forward way he could. He couldn't even looked at Roy after.
Contrary to what some other heroes might think, Roy wasn't stupid. He had been doing the vigilante thing for over a decade now, and during that time, he had developed detective skills that could rival those of any hero, except for a Bat. But despite them, the redhead had never drawn a connection between Jason's protection of sex workers and the alarming number of Gotham's upper class who showed up dead after Red Hood made his debut.
Dick used to complain about some of the attendants who would came to Wayne galas. He would mention how they made weird, objectifying comments about his body, or drank a little too much and were a little too handsy. Roy had commiserated with him, having a familiar enough experience with the handful of rich people parties he had been to with Ollie. Roy had, to his own discredit, assumed Jason's experience was similar.
Except Jason had lived on the streets for years and had gotten to know the sex workers. He had to have known all of the dirty secrets that those people kept. Red Hood was many things, but indiscriminately violent was never one of them. Instead, he had made his rules for Crime Alley and enforced them with a bloody fist. Where Dick and Roy saw out of touch rich people who made them slightly uncomfortable, Jason saw something much worse.
When Red Hood and Arsenal had started working together, Roy had mentioned being concerned about the killing of those who’d seemed perfectly normal. He had made the mistake of mentioning someone specific. Before they had known the Red Hood's identity, Nightwing had told him that Hood had killed someone that Dick knew from the galas.
"He was always nice to me," the other Titan had said. "Used to be one of the few people who kept me from getting bored at Bruce's parties."
Hood had told him in no uncertain terms that he had killed him because his victims had requested it. It was early enough in their teamwork that Roy hadn't learned how to read all of Hood's tells yet, but even at that point, he could tell that the way the emotionless helmet was staring him down was a threat. If Roy broke any of the Red Hood's rules like those Hood killed, he would meet the same fate. Roy's research following the conversation seemed to confirm Hood's statement. The two of them seemed to mutually and silently agree to never talk about it again, and Roy had put it out of his mind.
So Hood had always been particular regarding conversations about sex or relationships. The few times that they had gone undercover and used flirting to get information, the other man was extremely uncomfortable during the entire job. He seemed tense the whole time, but whenever people would hit on Roy or Jason, he somehow got impossibly tenser. They moved past it; Roy avoided talking about his past relationships and was kept so busy that he didn't have any time to try and develop new ones.
Roy hadn't even thought about any of this until Jason was staring him down in their living room.
No… Jason wasn't staring him down. He had cleared his throat and was staring at the floor like he thought he could find all of the answers he wanted in it.
"You…" Jason cleared his throat again. "You're not uncomfortable?"
Why the fuck would Roy be the uncomfortable one?
"What makes you think I would be uncomfortable, Jaybird?"
"Because I— because we— I—"
Roy couldn't help but notice that Jason was blushing a very pretty shade of red. He hadn't seen it before except when their therapist had asked if Jason thought Roy was attractive.
Oh?
Oh.
"Jaybird, did you think I would be uncomfortable because you think that I'm attractive?"
"Well… yes?" Jason replied like it was obvious, like the prettiest man Roy had ever seen thinking a washed sidekick and a former drug addict was attractive wasn't a massive ego boost. "I just— we've been working together, living together, sleeping together, and I've been hiding this for years."
"Years?" That was definitely not what Roy was supposed to get out of Jason's confession, but when they first started working together, he would have sworn Red Hood only tolerated him.
Jason nodded. "Since I was Robin."
If it was possible, Jason was staring at the ground even harder.
"It doesn't make me uncomfortable, Jaybird. If anything, it's very flattering."
"Yo— you don't mind?"
"Of course not. Do you mind that I find you attractive?"
"You think I'm attractive?" Jason's tone was incredulous and the look on his face wasn't much better. He seemed shocked, as if the very idea that someone would think he's attractive had never occurred to him.
"Jaybird, you're gorgeous." And he was. Especially with the blush creeping back across his face. "Does it bother you? That I think you're attractive?"
"Of course not," Jason retorted, the most confident he'd been the entire day. "You're… you. You're a hero. And I'm—"
"Also a hero, Jaybird. We do the same job."
"Not according to Bruce."
Of fucking course. Everything came back to Bruce. For his former Robins, everything came back to Batman. Dick had been the same way, even as he created the Titans and set out building his own legacy, away from Gotham's first vigilante. Jason had died; Batman had gotten him killed; Batman had killed him, and the second Robin still needed validation from him.
"Bruce can get fucked." Jason's head shot up so quickly, Roy was concerned he might get whiplash. His eyes kept searching Roy's for something, probably to see if Roy actually meant what he said. "I haven't liked Bruce since I heard stories from Dick on the Teen Titans. I thought he failed as a father then, and from what I've seen, he's just gotten worse."
Jason looked like he wanted to argue, and Roy cut him off instead.
"Jaybird, you asked for safety, and the one person who was supposed to give you that slit your throat." Roy flinched sympathetically when Jason did, but the archer needed him to understand this. He needed Jason to understand that it wasn't his fault. Bruce's failures as a vigilante and a father were never, and would never be Jason's fault.
"But I—" For the first time since Roy had known him, Jason looked lost. "He—"
"Dick beat the Joker to death with his bare hands, and Batman revived him because Bats aren't supposed to take a life. And then he fucking slit your throat. At no point is that appropriate for the 'we don't kill people' guy, but especially when it's his own son. You died, Jason. You died, you came back, and when you asked him to pick between you and your murderer, he didn't pick you. You don't have to keep picking him."
Because at the end of the day, Jason had to choose between himself and whatever bullshit Bruce had indoctrinated him into. And Roy could see that every time he chose Bruce over himself, it killed another part of Jason.
"Dick did what?" Jason sounded unsure and if he could muster the energy, Roy was sure that surprise would colour his voice. It finally occurred to the redhead that Jason hadn't known.
Robin had been tortured and murdered in a warehouse on a different continent, and nothing had changed. Jason Todd clawed his way out of his coffin to a new Robin and the same Joker. Red Hood tore apart Gotham's underground because he wanted to make sure that no one felt as helpless and unsafe as he had. As he did, when he came back to his home to find his murderer still free.
Would it have made a difference if Jason had known that someone had cared?
"Killed the Joker, Jaybird. The Clown had taken Robin — Tim — and was taunting Nightwing with your death."
"And Dick… Dick killed him?"
"Yeah, Jaybird."
"And Batman resuscitated him?"
"Yeah, Jaybird."
Jason sounded more defeated than Roy had ever heard him.
"We should leave. Get out of Gotham. Go… anywhere else."
"Okay," Roy responded easily, and really, it was. There was nowhere that he wouldn't follow Jason Todd. "We can go to Star if you want. Despite everything, Bruce still won't go into Ollie's city without some sort of notice."
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Five
In their defence, Jason and Roy had meant to go to their next appointment. The "safe house" that Oliver had lent to them was well-furnished and comfortable — more so than the Outlaw pair's actual apartment. Roy's behaviour didn't indicate that this was anything out of the ordinary, and Jason wondered, not for the first time, if this is what happened when a father loved his son.
The time away from Gotham had been good for both of them. Roy wasn't built for Gotham, not really. Not in the same way people born in the city were. He was too bright, too warm. He didn't have the same desperation that made Gothamites outlast conditions purely out of spite, that let them burrow their way into the very concrete of the city in order to survive.
On the second day of their stay in Star, Jason realized that this was the first time he was free from the weight of the Red Hood since he came back. His entire life since he'd gotten back to Gotham had revolved around Red Hood in some aspect. He built his entire existence around gaining power in Gotham's underworld as Red Hood, establishing and enforcing Hood's rules in the Alley, confronting Batman as Red Hood, and then rebuilding Hood's network after. Even outside of Gotham, even in space, he had still been Red Hood. For these precious few moments though, with Roy in Star City, he didn't have to be Red Hood or the undead Robin. He could be Jason.
Steph had offered to patrol the Alley in his absence, and he found that he trusted her with that. She had been the next person they had told about Bruce's actions — after Dick and Babs — although from her demeanour, he suspected that she had already known. Crime Alley had a reputation for gossip, but it was that same network that kept its residents safe. There was no way that Red Hood's confrontation with Batman would have been kept secret. Even if Jason didn't know her well enough to fully trust her, he trusted that Spoiler would do what was best for Alley; it was her home, in the same way that it was his.
So even though Jason wasn't worried about his responsibilities in Gotham, was more relaxed during the Star City stay than he had been maybe ever in his life, the two of them had still made plans to go back to Gotham to meet with their therapist. In a turn of events that they could not have planned for, they just happened to miss it because an assassin Jason knew in the League showed up with a child. She told them that her name was Lian, and that Roy was her father. She cited Lian's growth spurt and her constantly moving lifestyle as the reasons that she sought Roy out now. Jade stayed just long enough for the DNA test to confirm what she said. She disappeared in the middle of night, but not before making sure that they had a panic button and a burner so that they could reach her in case Lian needed anything.
Lian Harper was a delight who also decided almost immediately that Jason Todd was her favourite person in the world. The first time Jason tried to leave and head back to Gotham, he barely made it to the airport before Roy was calling and begging him to stay a little longer. In the background of the call, he could hear Lian's crying, could feel Roy's silent begging for her to settle down, even through the phone.
Jason had turned around and started heading back to the apartment before he even registered he was doing it. It had taken Jason an hour to get from where they were staying to the airport. The drive, in theory, was 45 minutes; he made it back to Roy and Lian in 28.
The minute he crossed the threshold and Roy saw him, the tension bleeding out of the archer was palpable. Roy almost immediately extended a crying Lian at Jason.
"Jaybird… I can't— I don't know—"
"Hey, it's okay. I've got it, Roy. We're a team, remember? Partners."
"Partners," Roy agreed, sounding relieved.
"Get cleaned up, and I'll take care of Lian."
Roy shuffled out of the room, leaving Lian with Jason. She was already starting to settle down, but Jason couldn't blame Roy for that. The archer was capable and competent — one of the best vigilantes in the field — but Jason had grown up knowing how to care for kids. He used to watch the younger kids of Catherine's coworkers. Even now, mothers in Crime Alley who needed an extra set of hands for a moment seemed to have no issues with handing their children to the actual Red Hood, trusting that he would keep them safe.
Roy had extended him the same trust, and Jason wouldn't let him down.
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Roy wasn't sure how everything had gone so poorly so quickly. Jason had been gone for less than an hour when Lian started crying. The redhead had done everything he could possibly think of to get his daughter to stop crying, and none of them worked. In a moment of desperation, he had called Jason, just to see if he had any advice for what Roy could try. He hadn't meant to, but he heard himself asking Jason to come back, to stay.
The archer must have imagined the quiet, decisive "Okay," that Jason offered in response.
And then Jason Todd appeared through his doorway like a godsend from the heavens themselves and had taken Lian from Roy, sending him off to get changed out of the shirt that Lian somehow covered with her lunch in the short time Jason was gone. Even from the bedroom he could hear her crying taper off before it stopped completely.
Roy, now in a clean shirt, waited on the other side of the bedroom door. He breathed for a minute, getting lost in whatever Spanish lullaby Jason was singing to Lian. He hadn't even known that Jason sang. It was nice; he realized with horror that when Jason left the apartment, it might be the last time Roy saw him. There was no way, in good conscience, he could drag his daughter back to be raised in the hellscape that was Gotham, and Jason would never give up the city.
So he let himself take a moment to pretend that he could have this. That he and Jason and Lian could live in Star, that Jason would have his back — both as a vigilante and as a father — and that the next time Lian needed Jason, he would be just a call away, instead of on the other side of the country.
The singing stopped, and Roy made himself go back into the living room. Jason and Lian were nowhere to be seen, although he heard noise coming from the kitchen.
He turned the corner into the kitchen and paused at the scene in front of him. Two mugs were sitting next to the stove, clearly waiting for the kettle of water to get done. The noises it was making indicated that it was close to boiling, but Jason turned it off and poured the mugs before it could whistle. Jason returned to whatever he had been mixing before portioning out what looked like dough onto a baking sheet and quietly pushing it into the oven.
Jason turned back to Roy, and the archer could now see that he had secured Lian using one of the wraps that Jade had left with her things. When they were both taking care of Lian, they hadn't bothered to use it, content to just hold Lian normally. Roy had tried to figure it out after Jason had left, but even his engineer's brain couldn't make sense of strips of fabric. It appeared that the almost-vigilante making cookies in his kitchen had had no such issues.
The other man appeared in front of Roy, holding out one of the mugs, a smile softer than Roy had ever seen before on his face. The archer could smell the earthy black tea, bergamot floating over the top of it.
Earl Grey, he thought to himself. Jason's favourite.
He took the mug with a quiet thank you, mindful of Lian sleeping on Jason's chest. It looked comfortable, and he almost envied his daughter. Except her being asleep meant that she wouldn't get any of the cookies that Jason made when they were fresh out of the oven which Roy was more excited about. The knowledge hit Roy suddenly, and he had to freeze, the mug raised halfway so he could take a sip.
The literal, actual Red Hood had taken over Roy's kitchen to make tea. The crime lord who had beaten Gotham's crime families into submission over a period of mere months was baking cookies. The rogue who had run circles around even Batman and the Justice League was wearing Roy's daughter like it was an everyday occurrence.
Maybe it could be, a traitorous part of Roy's mind suggested.
Jason set the plate of cookies in front of Roy, and the warm scent of cardamom and ginger pulled him out of his thoughts.
"You good, Harper?" the other man asked, concern shown in the way his brows were knit together.
"Peachy, Jaybird. Just… thinking."
His gaze followed Roy's down to where Lian was sleeping in the baby wrap.
"Ah. Nothing to worry about; I can teach you how to wrap her before I leave."
"Don't."
The plea escaped Roy before he could stop it, shocking himself almost as much as it did Jason. Jason's face was questioning, confusion now mixed in with the returned concern.
"Don't leave," Roy clarified. "Stay. Please."
"Okay," Jason agreed, easily and unexpectedly.
"And I know you have all of those people in the Alley who are depending on Red Hood, but I can't— what did you say?" Roy asked, finally registering that Jason had answered.
"I'll stay, Roy. Of course I'll stay." Jason took a deep breath. "All you have to do is ask."
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The day had been unexpected. Jason had promised Roy he would stay, so he did. He spent the day showing the other man different ways of wrapping Lian so he could carry her. It was… nice. Jason let himself live in it for the day, let himself pretend that this could be his. That he could be the kind of person that got the life where he had a partner and a kid.
Then Lian had done something exceptionally cute, and Roy's eyes had met Jason's, and he had whispered Jaybird like Jason could belong here too. It scared Jason, but more than that, he was scared of how badly he'd wanted it.
Jason hadn't let himself want things in years. The last thing he had wanted was for his dad to choose him over the Joker, and he had been shown how much him wanting something mattered. Ever since the batarang hit his throat, Jason had been living based solely on what he and the Alley needed.
He was saved from his spiral by Roy leaving to answer his phone when it rang, and he took the time to check his own. He had left it on silent the entire day, not wanting the notifications to bother Lian. He regretted that decision the moment he discovered he had texts from Dick and several missed calls with voicemails in increasingly more panicked tones.
Jason registered what the issue was by the time Roy walked back into the room, his phone held away from his ear.
"It's Dick," the archer said, almost apologetically.
"Yeah, I just saw the—" he waved his phone and knew Roy would understand what he meant.
Roy handed him the phone.
"Dick?"
"Jason!" Even after Roy had talked to him for a few minutes, Jason's brother still sounded panicked. "Are you okay? You're not injured right? Do you need anything?"
"I'm good, Dick," he said and was surprised to find how much he meant it. "What's up with you? Is there an issue with Gotham?"
"What? No, Jason. I'm concerned about you."
That was odd. He hadn't seen any news about any major issues in Gotham, and even if there was one, Jason wasn't in the city. Dick knew this. Jason had told him that he would be out of town and that Steph would be watching the Alley.
"Was there a rogue attack or something?"
"Jason—" Dick started sounding more frustrated. "Why weren't you on your flight?" his brother finally managed to ask, almost yelling through the phone. "Babs figured out which flight you were on so we could see if you needed a ride from the airport. And you weren't on it. When it landed and you weren't on the passenger list. I thought—"
Dick did the courtesy of not finishing the sentence, but Jason could hear it anyways.
I thought you had died. Again.
"Oh… Dickie, no. I just stayed longer to help Roy with something. I didn't know you were keeping track of my flight."
"Lian, right?" Dick asked, his voice finally starting to sound more normal. "That's nice of you, Little Wing. You've always been good with kids. Better than the rest of us, that's for sure. I mean, can you imagine Tim with a baby?"
Us, Jason realized with an intake of breath so sharp he almost choked on it, meant the Robins.
"Ye— yeah, she's a great kid." And then, quieter, "I'm sorry I scared you."
"No, it's— it's not your fault, Jay. I just—" Dick took a deep breath. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again."
"You'd get over it, Dickie, because you'd have to." His brother made some sort of strangled noise that the phone didn't pick up very well. "But I'm not planning on dying anytime soon."
Not… not now. Not anymore, at least. Not when he could look up and see Roy hovering, the care he somehow had for Jason prevalent in his blue-green eyes. Not when Lian had taken the initiative to crawl into his lap and fall asleep, creating an ever growing damp spot on Jason's shirt where she was drooling.
"You're good for them, Little Wing, and they're good for you too. Be safe, okay?"
"Yeah yeah, you too, Dick. Love you, bye." Jason rushed out and then hung up before he could find out of Dick said it back or not. He did not, however, escape Roy's amusement — the archer not even trying to hide it.
"Lian's knocked out, huh? She always sleeps better when you're around. I guess she gets that from me." The admission was quiet, almost like Roy hadn't intended to say it out loud. If it hadn't been for how silent the apartment was and the enhanced hearing from the Lazarus Pit, Jason didn't know if he would have heard it.
"I guess I'll have to stick around then. Can't have you being sleep deprived." It was both an offer and a question.
I'll stay for as long as you need me to.
Will you let me stay?
"Yeah, Jaybird. Forever if you want."
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Lian had been put down for the night, not even stirring when Jason transferred her from his lap to her own bed. Jason had started to get ready for bed, but Roy stayed in Lian's room for a little longer, just watching her sleep. Growing up, Roy had never really thought about what it would be like to make a family.
His parents — his first parents — had been happy, he thought, until tragedy had ripped his mother from his father, and then his father from Roy. Brave Bow had had ideas about what a family actually was that didn't line up with the western idea of a nuclear family, and Ollie hadn't been around enough when it mattered for Roy to have called that a family either.
But this — whatever this was — with Jason and Roy's own daughter, could be a family. It had to mean something that Jason came back when Roy asked him to, that Jason had already promised that he would stay.
The other man was already in the bed by the time Roy even thought about attempting to sleep. The slow, steady breathing indicated that Jason was sleep, and Roy got ready for bed as quietly as he could in the dark so he didn't disturb him. Jason was methodical and concise in everything he did, including sleep. Like every other vigilante, he never got enough rest, but when he actually let himself have it, sleep came easily for him.
Jason and Roy had been sleeping together ever since Starfire had left for Tamaran. At first they argued it was to save money while they figured out their next steps, even though Roy had an account that Ollie kept putting money in with notes attached to the transfers like text messages, and Jason still had all of his ill-gotten crime lord gains. Jason had admitted once, half unconscious with blood loss, that some hotel beds reminded him too much of his coffin, and that having Roy in bed next to him served as evidence that he wasn't back in it.
Roy would have never admitted it, but the cravings were always the worst when he woke up in the middle of the night alone. Sometimes it would a horrible nightmare, and sometimes it would just be him and his own thoughts. But having Jason there, a solid and secure presence, helped to keep him from spiralling.
Climbing into bed with Jason now, here, with Roy's daughter sleeping in the other room, was both the best and worse moment of Roy's life. Best because he and Jason had said more today than they had in their years of working together. Worst because he could tell that there was still more left unsaid.
Jason barely shifted when Roy finally managed to lie down. He looked so peaceful like this, the moonlight from the window casting soft shadows across his face. Something in Roy compelled him to lean over and press a gentle kiss to Jason's forehead.
"I love you, Jaybird," he finally admitted like Dr. Thompson had suggested. She didn't need to know that it was while Jason was asleep.
The archer rolled over, finally closing his eyes and willing sleep to find him. The bed shifted as Jason scooted closer to Roy in order to drape an arm over the redhead's torso. He had learned early on in their partnership that Jason was both a cuddler and a heat seeking missile when he was sleeping. They could start at opposite sides of a bed and without fail, Roy would wake up next to Jason.
"I love you too, Roy," Jason finally murmured after the two of them had resettled on the bed, his voice still heavy with sleep.
That— that wasn't how this was supp— Jason wasn't supposed to be awake, and Roy —
"I can hear you thinking, Harper. Go to sleep; we'll talk in the morning."
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+ One
The rumour on the streets was that there was a second Red Hood. The new one was six inches shorter, but had the same rules, did the same mutual aid, and had the same Alley accent. One of the street kids claimed that they had seen the new Hood take off the helmet. They said that the new Red Hood was a blonde girl who wore a red mask under the helmet; she had smiled a crooked Alley kid smile before grappling off.
Red Hood's goons didn't seem to care about the change in leadership, although their original boss still showed up sometimes. One of the lieutenants had been tasked with asking him what he was up to. They approached him the next time he stopped by.
Jason had known the confrontation was coming ever since he had walked through his organization with Spoiler and introduced her to his teams. He told them that she was be overseeing things for now, that she had the same goals as he did, and that she should be treated with the same respect as he was.
They had been cautiously accepting of her, Spoiler's known work in Crime Alley and Jason vouching for her doing a lot of the initial heavy lifting. Since then, he had only heard good things about what she was doing. The first time she had faced down Batman to make it clear that Hood's rules still applied — the rules that included No Bats in the Alley — and that she had no issues with being prepared to go head to head with Gotham's first vigilante was the moment they truly accepted that she could be Red Hood.
It didn't stop them from asking Jason what had happened, which is how he found himself being stared down by one of the first people he'd ever hired. Jason had sighed, and looked to the spot on the wall that they hung arts and crafts that street kids left.
"I… I got a kid," he had said finally.
As much as he hated to admit it, Lian, like her father, was not built for Gotham City. She was too young, too sheltered, too loved, to be ready for survival in Gotham. Roy would have never asked him to give up the Red Hood for him and Lian, but both of them knew that regardless, they couldn't live in Gotham.
In an ironic turn of events, Jason had been handed the same question that he had offered Bruce when he first came back as Red Hood.
A child or the city?
His family or his mission?
Red Hood prided himself on all of the ways that he wasn't Batman.
He would never turn his children into soldiers.
He would not leave his loved ones unavenged.
This was no different.
He picked Roy and Lian.
"This city kills kids like her," he finally continued. His lieutenant nodded, knowingly. "It killed me, and it killed Spoiler," he added in a whisper.
It felt like a betrayal to Gotham. This was his city. He loved her, even when she didn't love him back; he fought for her, even at her worst. And he had forsaken all of that for his own selfish wants.
"I—I love Gotham—"
"No one's sayin' ya don't, boss, we just wanna know you're okay." The lieutenant took a deep breath. "We— we didn't know if the Bat had got ya again."
"No, nothing like that. I'm… I'm happy, I think. For the first time in a long time."
"And we're happy for ya, boss. You're a good kid. You deserve it."
"You don't think I'm a bad person? For abandoning Gotham?"
"You didn't abandon us, boss. You found someone to take your spot, and you still come back to help too. No one can ask anymore from ya than that. Spoiler's been good to us, the same way you've been good to us. Ya gotta live your life too, boss."
"Th— thanks. They're good to me, good for me. Even if it does mean I have to live in Star City."
"At least it's not Metropolis," his lieutenant argued, and Jason agreed.
"At least it's not Metropolis."
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This was their last couple's counselling appointment. Dinah had been helping Roy and Jason find another one out in Star City. It wouldn't have been a hardship for the couple to come back for their weekly appointment, but Roy didn't like the idea of leaving Lian alone that frequently.
Jason had handed almost all of his Red Hood duties off to Steph and was spending most of his time in Star now. The three of them had all but officially moved in to the apartment that Ollie had given them. The younger man had been studying for his GED, now that he had been declared legally alive. Roy didn't want to know what it said about Bruce that Jason had been back for years, and he still hadn't tried to get his son legally revived.
Roy took Jason's hand in the car to try and settle his nerves.
"It's just Dr. Thompson, Jaybird. We've talked to her plenty."
"You don't think she's going to be upset? That— that we were lying to her about being a couple at first?"
The archer had gotten rid of the damning note Dr. Thompson had given him, but he still remembered what it said.
"I hate to break it to you, Jaybird, but she already knew."
He could see Jason's old habits fighting his new ones. Jason used to always catastrophize. Roy had always thought that it was some mixture of living in Gotham, the Bat tendency to over plan, and Jason's own traumatizing history. Since moving to Star City, Jason hadn't completely gotten rid of his paranoia — hadn't lost any of his skills — but the sharp edges that were Red Hood the Crime Lord and not Jason had started to soften.
There was no one on the face of the planet that Roy trusted more than Jason to protect Lian, with violence and lethal force if needed. There was also no one who wanted to give Lian a regular life more.
Jason had more experience than most people about how detrimental the vigilante life was for children. The vigilante life had killed him; obviously he didn't want that for Lian. Roy had been planning on retiring Arsenal ever since Lian had shown up, and Jason had been nothing but supportive. The redhead would have never asked Jason to give up vigilantism, but the younger man hadn't seemed to have any issues doing so.
"I just want her to be safe, Roy," Jason had told him, "but she can't be safe in Gotham. And she can't be safe if I'm still as active as Red Hood as I have been."
"She won't care, darlin'," Roy reassured him, "and even if she does, she's professional enough that she won't make a big deal out of it."
Roy kissed Jason because he was allowed to do that now. Jason nodded and swallowed.
"Okay. Let's do this."
⋆✴︎˚｡⋆
The moment that Jason and Roy set foot in Dr. Thompson's office, their therapist clocked that they were holding hands.
"It's my understanding that this is your last appointment?" Dr. Thompson asked, to start.
"Yeah," Roy responded for them. "We moved to Star City and are looking for a therapist out there. We have another update for you, as well."
Dr. Thompson nodded, silent permission for them to say whatever they needed to. Jason made eye contact with Roy, and they both took a deep breath.
"We're together now," Jason said at the same time that Roy said "I told him I loved him."
They took another breath and silently agreed to try again.
"We got married," Jason said while Roy stated, "We got a kid."
The therapist had been half taking notes, with none of the urgency that she had used in their previous sessions. The scribbling stopped, and she looked up, stunned.
"It's been… two weeks," Dr. Thompson said carefully. It was amusing, almost. Their therapist knew that Jason was Red Hood, had heard the tales of how swiftly and efficiently Jason had taken over the criminal networks in Gotham, and was still unsure about the timetable of their relationship.
"Yeah," Roy agreed.
"We know," Jason chimed in. "We just figured that we'd been doing most of a relationship for years already. Why take it slow, ya know? We already know that this works."
"Plus Jaybird's been back for even longer, and Bruce was an asshole who never got him legally resurrected. Ollie helped with that paperwork, and then we got married so the government wouldn't be weird about the custody of our kid."
It seemed obvious to Jason when Roy laid it out like that, and the explanation eased what uncertainty and self-consciousness that Dr. Thompson's question had raised.
Dr. Thompson's scribbling had resumed, but paused again when Roy spoke.
"You weren't resurrected before, Jason?"
"No," Jason answered honestly. "Bruce never offered…" He couldn't help but to feel that it was somehow his own fault, but Roy squeezed his hand gently. When he managed to look at his husband again, the archer smiled reassuringly.
"It's not your fault, darlin'. Bruce is a self-centered control freak that hates how you became your own person. You deserve a life as much as the rest of us." Roy used the hand not holding Jason's to gently caress the other man's face. "You're as alive as the rest of, Jaybird."
"I agree with Roy, Jason. It sounds like you've gotten yourself out of a really bad situation with Bruce. I'm proud of the work you've done in these few sessions we've had."
⋆✴︎˚｡⋆
Roy and Jason flew back home to Lian and Star City the day after their appointment. They had taken the evening just for themselves. The therapy session hadn't been as intense as their past ones, but they still gave Dr. Thompson all of the updates on their lives.
"Dr. Thompson is right by the way, Jaybird," Roy said waiting in line at one of Jason's favourite restaurants in the Alley. "You've made yourself into something despite all of the people trying to stand in your way and drag you down. I'm so proud of you."
Jason leaned over to kiss Roy — the first time he'd initiated physical affection in public, Roy realized.
"I love you, Roy," he said, his voice not quite a whisper, but quieter than normal. "I still don't know how I got this, how I got you and Lian, but I'm gonna do my absolute best to keep it."
"I love you too, darlin'. I'm not gonna let you run so easily anymore."
So many people questioned the validity of their marriage, or the likelihood of its success, citing Jason's bloody history or Roy's less than stellar past relationships. But Roy believed in Jason, and Jason believed in him. What were the opinions of anyone else compared to what Roy and his husband thought?
Ollie and Lian were waiting for them at the airport with a sign that said that read Welcome Home!
According to Dinah, Lian hadn't fully started talking yet, but had been using a combination of noises and hand gestures to indicate her displeasure with how Oliver read her bedtime story.
The moment Lian saw Jason, she was squirming in Oliver's arms and reaching towards him. Roy took the bag that Jason was carrying and told him to go ahead.
Their daughter settled easily into Jason's arms, and Roy fumbled with the luggage to try and get his phone out to take a photo. Ollie waved him off, instead holding up his own to indicate he would take the picture. He got the camera open just in time for Lian to ball both of her fists in Jason's shirt and declare "Baba!" with all of the confidence of someone who hadn't just said her first word.
Roy could have started crying in the middle of the airport.
He's pretty sure Jason did start crying.
The redhead pressed a kiss to their daughter's forehead and then to his husband's temple.
"Yeah, sweetheart; that's your Baba." He turned to Jason. "Where to, darlin'?"
Jason's answer was exactly what Roy had expected.
"Let's go home."