Chapter Text
Nat wasn’t exactly in the habit of showing up to team parties. She would much rather be hanging out with Kevyn and the other usual suspects, drinking something better than wine coolers, and listening to something a hell of a lot better than Mariah fucking Carey. But when Lottie had practically begged her to come to this one— claiming she’d be “bored as fuck” without her— she figured she might as well make an appearance. She had nothing going on anyway, and Mari Ibarra really did have the best house for parties out of all of them.
It wasn’t as imposing as Lottie or Jackie’s houses. There wasn’t someone hovering over you all night, making sure you used a coaster for your drinks, like there was at Taissa’s house. No threat of not enough space or fucked-up parents tripping into the room, like you would have gotten at Van’s house… or her own. Instead, Mari’s house felt just right. It felt cozy in a weird way. Her parents still had the kind of TV that sat on the floor. It must have weighed a thousand pounds.
It was like a house out of a sitcom, but not one of those unrealistic ones with the plastic people who always smiled and had toothpaste-commercial teeth. It looked like it could’ve belonged to the Conners, not the fucking Tanners from Full House.
But Lottie had still been right.
It was boring as fuck.
Nat took another sip from her wine cooler, and— for probably the dozenth time— made a face of disgust in reaction. “Jesus, how do you guys drink this piss?”
Lottie shrugged and looked over the cards in her hand. They were playing Rummy with Van, who sat on the floor between them, while they each took a position on one of the sofa cushions. The cushion in between them served as a table.
“I mean… it’s alcohol,” replied Lottie, finally laying out her cards. She had a jack, queen, king, and an ace. Playing by their rules, that was 40 points.
The lucky little bitch.
She shot Nat a smirk and cocked an eyebrow. “And anyway, it’s not like you’re not drinking it.”
“What… so I’m suddenly not allowed to critique the alcohol choices around here?” asked Nat. But she said it with the corners of her mouth twitching and in that tone that— she hoped— always let Lottie know she was just fucking with her.
She laid down a trio of 2’s. It was only 6 points, but it was better than nothing.
“Is anyone actually keeping score of this game?” Van suddenly asked, eyes half-lidded and slurring her words.
Van could drink anything. Cheap beer, cheap wine coolers. All without complaining once— and without getting a hangover. Even Nat was impressed by her tolerance.
She’d had 4 bottles to Nat’s 2, and the party had only started an hour ago.
“I am,” replied Taissa, from her seat on the sofa arm. “Lottie has 65 points, Nat has 30, and you have 12.”
“Only 12?” Van sounded shocked. She put her cards face down on the floor and stood up to look at the spiral notebook resting on Tai’s knees. “No, that can’t be right. You must have made an error somewhere.”
But Tai pulled it out of her reach with an incredulous laugh. “Van, I know how to do math. I do not make errors. You’re just terrible at Rummy.”
“I am not!” protested Van, and she tried tickling Tai to disarm her enough to make her drop the notebook, but it wasn’t working. It was just making them both giggle like a couple of kindergartners who’d had a little too much sugar at recess.
Nat exchanged a knowing look with Lottie. There had been rumors, not that either of them gave a shit about rumors. But they had talked about it privately a time or two, and they both agreed it sometimes seemed like Tai and Van were more than friends. They also both agreed it was no one’s fucking business, unless Tai and Van wanted to make it their business.
That never stopped them from looking over at each other and grinning, however, whenever they caught Tai and Van acting like a couple in public. It was cute as fuck, to be honest, so it was hard not to smile in the first place.
But it also felt weirdly satisfying to share this secret with Lottie. A secret about Tai and Van that even Tai and Van didn’t know they shared. It felt like sharing a language no one else had access to. With just a look, they could say a dozen things about it all at once.
While Van and Tai continued wrestling over the notebook, Nat shook her head and opened her mouth to speak. She’d been about to say, “Well, I guess this game is fucking over” and offer to grab Lottie a drink.
Before she could do that, the front door slammed open in the living room— and in stormed Jackie and Shauna. Nat and Lottie both turned to stare at them. Van and Tai froze and did the same, giving up their tickle fight.
“You are being completely unreasonable!” Jackie shouted, the second she stepped through the door.
“Me? I’m being completely unreasonable?” Shauna shot back, slamming it shut behind her. “In what world is it reasonable to expect me to go on a double date with you, Jeff, and… Randy fucking Walsh?”
Nat looked at Lottie, who looked at Van, who looked at Tai.
All four of them made a face of disgust. No doubt about it, they were all on Shipman’s side on this one.
But Jackie had obviously woken up on the stubborn side of the bed that morning, and she was not having it. She folded her arms with a dramatic sigh and scowled at Shauna. “It’s one date,” she argued. “You seriously can’t lower yourself long enough to go on one double date with him, even though you know how happy it would make me?”
“Do you even hear yourself?” barked Shauna. “No, I won’t lower myself to make you happy. Why the fuck would you even ask me to?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Jackie, with a sarcastic shrug. “Maybe because I’ve lowered myself plenty of times to make you happy?”
Shauna took steps to close the gap between them and narrowed her eyes, clearly getting angrier by the second. “Name one time.”
“Uhm…” Jackie seemed stumped at first.
Shipman 2, Taylor 0.
“Okay, wait… what about that time you made me go to your little cousin’s birthday party?”
“Jackie, that’s called an inconvenience, not lowering yourself,” snapped Shauna. “You are literally asking me to go on a date with a guy I’d rather drown in a bathtub.”
Nat raised her eyebrows at that last statement. It seemed oddly specific, but she couldn’t decide if it made her want to laugh— or stop hanging out with Shipman.
“Your cousin puked on my brand new shoes!” Jackie insisted. It looked like her eyes were about to pop out of her head. Her temple was throbbing.
“Yeah? Well, Randy has puked on nearly everyone’s shoes by now. What’s your point? God, Jackie, you can be such a… a…” but then Shauna started to stutter, and she took a step back like she’d lost the nerve.
Shipman 2, Taylor 1?
Nat watched as she took a couple of pacing steps back and forth, running her fingers through her hair. It was anyone’s guess whether Shauna would shut down or explode.
Jackie, meanwhile, smirked and stuck her chin out, like she’d already won the game. “I can be such a what?” she dared Shauna to say. “Go ahead, Shipman. Tell everyone else in the room what I can be. I’m sure they’re dying to hear your opinion of me.”
And Shauna turned from her pacing to face her, eyes hardening like coal, nostrils flaring. It only took her a millisecond to close the distance between where her pacing had stopped and where Jackie stood beside the bannister of the staircase.
“You can seriously be a selfish fucking cunt sometimes, and it makes me wonder why I even stay friends with you,” snarled Shauna, with her nose centimeters from Jackie’s face.
Ouch. That made even Nat wince in sympathy.
Shipman 1000, Taylor 0. Game over.
Jackie leaned back with an incredulous huff at first, like she couldn’t even believe what she’d just heard. But Shipman wasn’t backing down. She barely even blinked as she waited for a reaction.
Nat heard Jackie swallow hard a few seconds later. The rest of the living room had gone completely silent, like everyone was holding their breaths at the same time.
Everyone except Shipman, of course, who was breathing hard and frowning even harder.
A few seconds after that, Jackie turned and bolted. She flew up the stairs, rounded out of sight, and slammed a bedroom door behind her.
The minute she disappeared, Shauna’s body relaxed. But not in a relieved type of way. If anything, she looked defeated, even though she’d won the battle.
“Sorry, guys,” she told them, finally coming farther into the room. “She just makes me… so fucking crazy sometimes. It’s like she’s not even listening.”
Mari, in the meantime, chose that moment to come in from the kitchen. She was carrying two bags of potato chips in one hand and another 4-pack of wine coolers in the other. She got ready to ask, “Anyone want—” but stopped dead in her tracks the second she caught the vibe. “Fuck. What did I miss? I was only in the kitchen for ten minutes.”
“Does anyone have a cigarette?” sighed Shauna, looking directly at Nat.
“Do I look like a fucking vending machine to you?” asked Nat, staring directly back at her.
But, her attitude really had nothing to do with sharing cigarettes. It’s just that the last thing she wanted to do tonight was listen to Shipman bitch about the best friend she always, always, always went back to after every fight, no matter how many fights they had.
It averaged about twice a month. Tai had done the math.
As she and Shauna continued to stare each other down, Nat heard Lottie sigh.
The next thing she knew, Lottie had reached inside the front pocket of her jacket and pulled out her cigarettes and lighter.
“Hey!” Nat tried to protest. But Lottie only gave her a sideways smile, shrugged, and stood up from the sofa.
Nat watched on, helplessly, as Lottie locked her arm around Shauna’s and started pulling her away. “Come on,” she told Shipman. “We can smoke on the back porch.”
They only paused first so that Shauna could snag the 4-pack from Mari’s hand.
“Thanks, Mar,” said Shipman, as Mari just stood there with her mouth open, fuming but speechless.
“That was the last of our alcohol!” Mari finally exclaimed, the second the kitchen door shut behind Shauna and Lottie.
“That was the last of my fucking cigarettes!” grumbled Nat.
“Shouldn’t someone check on Jackie?” slurred Van, leaning against Tai’s legs.
“Where’s Jackie?” asked Mari.
“I think she’s upstairs in your bedroom,” Nat told her.
“One, two, three…” Tai quickly counted out.
“Not it!” shouted all three of the others.
Van shot a big grin of triumph at Nat, eyes narrowing into upside down moons.
“Fine,” said Nat, shaking her head. “But… you all owe me one.”
She stood up and walked over to the stairs, purposely acting put out by the whole ordeal. After all, she had a reputation to maintain when it came to Jackie. If their soccer team had been an army, Nat would have been the mischievous lieutenant always causing problems for the captain.
In reality, however, she really didn’t mind checking on her, especially now that Lottie had taken off with her smokes. The truth was, she didn’t exactly hate Jackie or anything. She could be a real bitch sometimes, sure, and sometimes it could even feel like she was harder on Nat than anyone else. But, that was their thing at this point. Jackie tried to make an example out of her whenever she fucked up, and Nat called her out on her bullshit. It had become the roles they’d chosen for themselves, but it didn’t mean they weren’t also friends.
Sometimes.
She could tell Jackie had been crying the second she opened the door to Mari’s bedroom. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she turned away from Nat when she noticed her come in, trying to wipe the tears away like they’d never happened.
She was sitting on the side of Mari’s bed. As Nat shut the door behind her and stepped fully into the room, Jackie gripped the edges of the mattress and leaned on them. She gave Nat a lopsided smile. “Sorry for ruining the party,” she said.
But Nat only let out a small laugh and took a step closer. “Oh, Jackie, c’mon,” she said, offering her an amused smile. “You’re giving yourself way too much credit. Like this party didn’t ruin itself before you even got here. We were playing Rummy and drinking wine coolers, for fucks sake.”
Jackie huffed a laugh back. “Jesus, I could really use a drink right now. I am such an idiot for running straight up stairs. I bet Shauna isn’t having that problem.”
“Can’t argue with any of those statements,” admitted Nat. “But… I might have something to at least take the edge off.”
She slipped a hand into the same front jacket pocket Lottie had reached into earlier and pulled out a joint, showing it off to Jackie with a proud grin. “Huh? You want to?”
Jackie made a face at first, unsure. “You mean… like right here? In Mari’s room?”
“Why the fuck not?” asked Nat. She was already crossing to the other side of the room to open the window. “You think Mari never partakes of the ganja?”
Jackie rolled her eyes. “Gawd. Don’t call it that. What are you? Twelve?”
But her grumbling only made Nat laugh. She pulled the window open and sat a fan in front of it. “Mari’s got to have a lighter in here somewhere. Fucking Lottie, the little bitch. I can’t believe she took my only one.”
“Do you really think Mari smokes weed? She doesn’t seem the type.”
Nat shook her head and laughed again. “Jackie, I swear to god. You can be so naive sometimes.”
She heard Jackie let out a singular “hmph” noise in response, but then she fell quiet. In the meantime, Nat finally found a Bic lighter hiding behind a small picture frame on the nightstand. She tested it a couple of times to make sure it worked before sitting down next to Jackie to light the joint.
“Are you sure that fan’s going to get rid of the smell?” asked Jackie, chin tilted down in skepticism.
Nat let out a small laugh, took a couple of puffs, and said, “No,” while holding the smoke in her lungs. A few seconds later, when she exhaled and coughed it out, she added, “But we’ll be long gone by the time anyone notices.”
She handed the joint to Jackie, and— after the briefest of hesitations— Jackie finally accepted it and took one small hit, which immediately made her start hacking up a lung.
Nat shook her head, smiling sideways. “Lightweight,” she said, taking the joint back.
She took a couple more hits of her own and waited for Jackie to stop coughing. When she finally did, Nat tried offering her the joint again, but she refused this time.
“Who the fuck did you even get that from?” asked Jackie. “Snoop Dogg?”
“Yes, Jackie, I have a West Coast rapper on speed dial.”
“Jesus, I was joking,” she said, and she rolled her eyes, like she was genuinely offended that Nat had the nerve to trade sarcasm for sarcasm.
Nat had half a mind to suggest that maybe dropping the attitude would improve Jackie’s relationship with Shauna, but she could tell by looking at her that Jackie was not in the mood for that. She had that look she always got on those rare occasions when they lost on the field. Eyes downcast, frowning so deeply it was sure to leave lines on her face when she got older, and shoulders slumped like it was the end of the fucking world.
“Look,” said Nat, after taking a deep breath, “I’m not very good at… you know…”
“Comforting people?” suggested Jackie, looking up at her with a smirk.
“No, smartass,” chuckled Nat. “It’s just… I’m not very good at comforting people without also being honest, you know?”
She took another hit off the joint and looked over at Jackie, trying her best to convey her sincerity through expression alone, and half expecting Jackie to still not see it.
She even thought, at first, that Jackie had failed to see it, because of how long it took her to respond. She just kept staring at Nat, like she was interviewing her for a fucking job or something and wasn’t quite sure if she liked her last answer. The silence seemed to stretch on forever.
But then Jackie surprised her and said, with a nonchalant shrug, “All right. So? Be honest.”
Exhaling her hit first, Nat let out a small laugh at that and looked away for a moment. “Jackie—”
“No, I’m serious,” swore Jackie, and she made sure to lock eyes with Nat the second she turned them back on her. “I promise I won’t get mad, okay? Maybe that’s what I need… is to hear the truth from someone besides Shauna. So? Go ahead. Lay it on me.”
“You sure about this?”
Jackie nodded, sat up a little straighter, and folded her arms. “Absolutely,” she said, clearing her throat.
“All right, well…” said Nat, “… it was pretty shitty for you to expect Shipman to go on a date with someone she can’t stand to be around. At least… in my opinion.”
She braced herself for the possibility that Jackie would immediately break her promise and get mad. It’s not like that would have been out of character for Taylor, after all, or for any teenager for that fucking matter. Whether people realized it or not, Nat could be pretty sensitive herself, and had on more than one occasion lost her temper on someone who was just trying to help, when they would have been better off staying the fuck out of the way.
But, once again, Jackie surprised her by saying, “I know. You’re right.”
“Wait…” said Nat, not quite sure she’d heard her correctly. “You do? I am?”
Jackie took a deep breath and let it out with a self-depracating laugh. “Yeah. I was acting like a selfish bitch.”
“Then why did you keep pushing her so hard?”
Jackie shrugged, shrinking in on herself, and at first Nat wasn’t even sure she would answer. She looked suddenly shy, and not very captain-like at all. She even stuck her hands between her knees like a scared child.
The joint was almost gone, but Nat once again offered what was left to Jackie.
After a second, Jackie finally lifted a hand and took it. Her fingers were shaking as she put it to her lips, and she coughed on the hit almost as badly as she had the first time, but it did seem to relax her somewhat. At least her hand stopped trembling.
She gave the joint (now really nothing more than a roach) back to Nat, and Nat pinched the lit end between her thumb and forefinger to extinguish it before sliding it back in her pocket. In the meantime, Jackie rather bashfully confessed, “I haven’t really… enjoyed spending time alone with Jeff lately. That’s the real reason I wanted Shauna to go on this double date.”
“Then just… tell her that?” suggested Nat, not understanding what the big deal was. She had met plenty of guys who eventually became a waste of her time. She’d never lost any sleep over it. She just tossed them on their ear and moved on. “Or better yet, dump Sadecki maybe? If you don’t like spending time alone with him anymore, then—”
“It’s not that simple,” Jackie interrupted.
“What do you mean, Jackie? What’s so fucking complicated about it? Are you, like… pregnant or something?”
“No! I haven’t even… we haven’t done that yet,” explained Jackie.
“Then what makes it complicated?”
Standing up suddenly, Jackie took a deep frustrated breath and started pacing the small strip of floor beside the bed. “Have you ever… you know… been with another girl? Or liked one even?”
Now that was definitely a question Nat had not prepared for.
She furrowed her brow and frowned, half expecting herself to say ‘no’ at first, but then just as quickly wondering why she would choose a moment like this to lie.
Jackie was literally giving her permission to finally face something she’d been avoiding for months. Or rather, someone. Or rather, the way she’d recently caught herself looking at someone in the locker room.
Lottie, the cigarette thief.
“Fucking little bitch,” Nat muttered to herself, shaking her head with a smile.
“Huh?” asked Jackie.
“Nothing, it’s just…” Nat hesitated, searching for the right words. “Yeah, I mean… I’ve never been with any girls yet, but… there is this one, you know? But, Jackie… I still don’t get what this has to do with Jeff. If there’s a girl you like, then… what is he, your beard or some shit?”
Jackie shook her head, continuing to pace while also starting to bite at her fingernails. “No, it’s not that, it’s just… how do I even tell her? And, if I do tell her, what if she hates me for it? What if she never wants to speak to me again? Isn’t it safer just to stay with Jeff? Try and make it work with him? My parents like him. He’s the kind of guy everyone expects me to date, isn’t he?”
Nat’s eyes went wide with sudden understanding. “Oh my god… it’s Shauna.”
“Of course it’s Shauna!” said Jackie, sounding both annoyed and panicked at the same time. “Who else would it be?”
“Well, damn, Jackie,” said Nat, “How the fuck was I supposed to know? It’s not like you and Shauna get all handsy like Van and Tai do. All you ever do is fight for fucks sake.”
“Wait…” said Jackie, momentarily stopping in her tracks to look at her. “Van and Tai are a thing?”
“You did not hear that from me,” Nat warned.
“And… who is your thing?” asked Jackie.
“We’re not a thing,” insisted Nat.
“Oookay,” said Jackie, sounding unconvinced. “Then… who is the girl you like?”
Nat didn’t want to tell her. Every brain cell in her head was screaming for her not to tell her. But she glared up at Jackie from her seat on the bed like a grumpy criminal caught red-handed and sighed.
Even to her own ears, her voice sounded thick and throaty when the words came out. It often did when she had something to confess. Especially when she’d been living in denial about it for so long.
“The girl is Lottie,” she said, and she felt herself swallow hard.
Jackie shook her head and resumed her pacing, letting out another deep breath. “We are both so screwed.”
“Tell me about it,” Nat replied at first, shaking her head right along with her. But then, a split-second later, she scrunched up her forehead and added, “Wait. Why am I screwed? It’s just a fucking crush, Jackie. It’s not like I’m planning on doing anything about it.”
But Jackie merely rolled her eyes at that and folded her arms across her chest. “Oh please,” she said. “If that were true, you wouldn’t have told me about it at all. The very fact you admitted to it means it’s more than a crush.”
Shit, she was right. Nat hated it when Taylor was right. About literally anything, but— especially when it came to this.
She absolutely would have kept it to herself until the day she was dead and buried if she hadn’t needed to get it off her chest. And she wouldn’t have needed to get it off her chest if it wasn’t for a deep down awareness that she had been doing more than just looking at Lottie in the locker room. She had been daydreaming during class and reaching inside of her underwear at night.
It had all started with those fucking legs. Those fucking legs that made up at least three-quarters of her height and looked like they’d been sculpted out of marble. One day after practice, Nat had noticed them in a different context for the first time, and she’d just been looking up a little higher every day since. She had her memorized, in fact. But she was only able to look her in the eyes by putting her back in the friend box.
Compartmentalization had been key in her ability to go on living in denial for so long.
“Uhm… Natalie?” she heard a voice say.
She looked up and found Jackie smirking down at her, arms still crossed over her chest like a platoon sergeant. Crap, she must have zoned out. How long had she been sitting there thinking about Lottie?
“Wow, you are really stoned,” said Jackie, with a huff of laughter.
Taylor had a lot of room to talk. Her usually wide eyes were like two slits, and the whites of them were streaked with red. Not to mention, she’d smoked less than half as much of the joint as Nat, which meant she had even less reason to look like a walking talking keep-your-kids-off-drugs advertisement.
“So?” said Jackie next. “What are we going to do about it?”
“Well, fuck, Jackie…” said Nat, laughing at the question, “… I don’t know about you, but… I’m not doing a goddamn thing about it.”
“Why not?”
Nat laughed again, but she struggled to come up with a good enough answer at first. She couldn’t say it was because she was afraid of being called a dyke, because she would have worn that with a badge of honor. But, after a few false starts, she finally said, “I don’t even know if she’d… you know… be into me like that.”
“Uh huh,” said Jackie smugly. “See what I mean now? That’s exactly my problem with Shauna. We’ve been friends forever. If I tell her how I feel and she’s not into it, what happens to our friendship?”
Nat leaned back on her elbows, finally feeling the full weight of the THC that had flooded her system. It was easier to focus on their conversation if she narrowed her thoughts on Jackie’s problem rather than her own, so she took a moment to really consider what she knew about Jackie and Shauna.
Did they fight once in a while? Oh fuck yes they did.
But not nearly as much, Nat realized with hindsight, as their reputation gave them credit for. Shauna often gave in to Jackie’s every whim quickly, and with nothing more than a silent sneer. In fact, the only time they were separated from each other, to Nat’s knowledge, was when they had different classes or Jackie was with Jeff.
“You know what, Taylor?” Nat finally said, after a long moment of silence. “I actually don’t think you even have anything to fucking worry about it. You practically have Shipman on a leash, the more I think about it. Maybe she just needs permission to come out of her cage once in a while.”
“That’s… literally such a weird way to put it,” said Jackie, wrinkling up her nose.
But Nat only smiled and said, “Is it? I mean… listen…” She tilted her chin down but kept her eyes up. “Instead of looking at all the reasons she might not be into you like that, maybe you should look at all the reasons she might actually feel the same way. I mean… it’s not like you’re hard on the eyes, Jackie. Let’s start there.”
She only realized something inadvertently hungry had flashed across her face by the way Jackie blushed in reaction.
But had the weed made her horny enough to impulsively look at Jackie like that, or were thoughts of Lottie Matthews just clouding her brain?
“Oh really?” said Jackie, looking way too self-satisfied by this information. “Care to expand on that?”
“No,” Nat immediately replied.
Jackie arched an eyebrow at her, and suddenly they both went silent, but neither of them looked away. Jackie just went on smiling at her with that mischievous glint in her red-streaked eyes, and Nat just went on feeling more and more concerned over the vibe shift between them.
Only after what felt like hours— but was probably, in reality, less than a few seconds— Jackie finally took a step closer to the edge of the bed where Nat remained leaning on her elbows and said, “You know… since we’re being so honest with each other… you’re really not so bad yourself, Scatorccio. I know I give you a lot of shit, but… Matthews would be a fool to turn you down. You may have that whole… edgy, riot grrrl thing going on, but you also kind of look like a model. You’re like… Gia Carangi reincarnated.”
Ohno,ohno,ohno,ohno.
To her horror, Nat felt herself smiling shyly at the backhanded compliment, like a stoned idiot. Her pussy, meanwhile, answered by throbbing in time with her heartbeat. She couldn’t help herself. She’d always had a particular fondness for Carangi, even though her story was tragic. Or maybe because it was tragic. Not to mention, she’d been half Italian and absolutely fucking gorgeous.
But the fact that Jackie was looking at her like that— and the fact that her own stupid body was betraying her by reacting positively to the attention— it was almost enough to make her want to run out of the room screaming obscenities.
Almost.
“Was that another one of your snide insinuations that I’m a fucking drug addict?” she asked instead, still smiling despite herself.
Jackie shook her head and took another step closer. And another one. Until, finally, she was practically straddling Nat’s lap with the devil in her eyes. “Of course not,” she said. “Could you… oh, I don’t know… maybe learn to take a compliment for once in your life?”
Nat let out a huff of laughter at that and licked the top of her lip— an action she regretted immediately, because Jackie absolutely clocked it and cocked an eyebrow in response, while smiling even more smugly than she ever had before.
“It’s not the compliment I have a problem with,” said Nat, doing nothing to stop Jackie from inching even farther onto her lap. “I mean… what are we doing here, Taylor? Do you really think this is a good idea? Because… I gotta tell you, I’m pretty sure we’re just high and horny for other people. And, believe me, that’s—”
But she didn’t get the last words out, because Jackie suddenly leaned over her, cupped her chin in one hand, and kissed her.
She tasted like strawberry lipgloss. Her lips were warm and soft and irritatingly inviting, and they lingered on Nat’s like they were tasting her back, but then she pulled them away before Nat could deepen the kiss.
Her hair was soft too. It fell down around both sides of her face and tickled Nat’s cheeks as she smiled down at her.
“That’s the first time I’ve ever kissed a girl,” announced Jackie. She looked like she couldn’t make up her mind whether she felt proud about that or was completely shocked at herself.
“Congratulations?” offered Nat, still reeling from her own shock.
“Please, don’t act like you didn’t like it. You practically had your tongue down my throat. What? Are you, like… suddenly against casual sex?”
“You know what?” said Nat, shaking her head disbelievingly. “Fuck you, Jackie.”
But Jackie didn’t appear to be offended by that. Instead, her grin went crooked, and— after a long pause of mischievous consideration— she simply said, “Oh, fuck me? I dare you to.”
Another long pause followed, but this time it was from Nat’s end. She searched Jackie’s eyes, looking for any hint of hesitation whatsoever, but there was none. If anything, what Nat found there looked a lot more like a challenge. It was almost the same look the kids had given her on the playground back in the day while calling her a chicken, right before she punched them square in the gut.
If she had found any hesitation in Jackie’s eyes, there’s no way she would have grabbed her and flipped her onto her back on the mattress.
But she didn’t. So, she did.
“I am not a substitution for Shipman,” declared Nat, looking at her straight-on as she straddled Jackie’s hips and started shrugging out of her leather jacket. “Got it?”
Jackie nodded, looking slightly transfixed and suddenly wordless. She’d clearly enjoyed being manhandled like that, and Nat couldn’t help but wonder if that had something to do with what she wanted from Shauna.
Not that she had time to think too deeply about that at this point.
All logical thought, in fact, had now flown out the window. She was running purely on instinct and impulse, following what her pussy told her to do instead of her brain.
And it was saying to her, “Fuck it, why not? You’re both single, right?”
It didn’t even occur to her to consider Jeff in that scenario.
Her leather jacket landed on the floor, along with her shirt, leaving her in nothing but a bra and her jeans. Jackie’s hands reached out to touch her bare stomach, but she grabbed them by the wrists and pinned them above her head instead, slamming a kiss down on her.
It was rough and hungry and desperate, fueled by frustration and hormones more than anything else, but powerful enough to make them both lust-drunk in an instant.
Nat let go of her wrists and tried to take off her pink jacket, but it was a struggle because— neither one of them wanted to break off the kiss yet— and, in the end, it just made them both start laughing awkwardly.
Finally, Jackie sat up a little and took it off herself.
She took off her shirt too, even though doing so made her blush even more awkwardly than before. Her cotton bra had little pink flowers on it. Nat reached behind her back to unclasp it, kissing her much more tenderly as it slipped away and Jackie was able to lay back down again.
As her head hit the pillows, Nat tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and lifted from the kiss to give her a careful glance. “You good?” she asked.
But Jackie merely nodded emphatically and pulled her head back down, crushing their mouths together in silent answer.
After that, everything happened so fucking fast.
So very fucking fast.
And yet, within the chaos, Nat still noticed a pattern emerge.
When Jackie couldn’t seem to take the kissing anymore, she started pushing Nat’s head down, and her body started to squirm. Her hips even started to buck beneath her. Nat tried kissing her neck, suckling at the soft flesh around her pulse points, but Jackie just kept pushing her downwards.
“You’re going too slow,” whined Jackie.
“All right,” said Nat, and she reached down between both their legs and slipped a hand inside of Jackie’s skirt, pushing her underwear aside.
It was fucking soaked.
Nat let two of her fingers slide through her folds, gathering up the slick, and found absolutely no resistance there. Jackie had obviously gotten herself waxed recently. Her skin was like silk, and it warmed to Nat’s touch in an instant.
Rather than slipping them inside her right away, however, she pushed them up to her clit, circling it with the pads of her fingers.
She heard Jackie moan in response, so she slid down farther, capturing one pink nipple between her teeth before drawing it into the full heat of her mouth to suck on it. In reaction, the nipple swelled and throbbed against her tongue.
But it still wasn’t enough.
Jackie whined again and tried to push her down even farther. “Nat, you’re killing me…”
“Is it that bad?” Nat had to ask.
“No, but you’re going too slow!”
Nat flared her nostrils in frustration at that and took her fingers away.
The next thing she knew, she was yanking down Jackie’s skirt, along with her underwear, and tossing them both on the floor.
She pushed Jackie’s thighs farther apart, and— thanks to how slick Jackie had gotten— her two fingers slid in easily, but her pussy was still like a fucking vice-grip. She felt Jackie’s walls clamp down on her immediately, and even more so when she curled them to find the small mound of flesh that formed her G-spot.
As soon as Nat touched it, Jackie closed her eyes and let out a deep moan of satisfaction, back arching and head tilting back against her pillow.
“Is this what you wanted?” asked Nat, voice thickening on the words.
“God yes…” Jackie breathed out.
Encouraged by this, Nat started moving her curled fingers in and out, slowly at first. She was trying to coax it out of her, not force it out.
But it still wasn’t enough.
“Faster,” Jackie gasped, bucking her hips insistently.
Nat leaned back to get a better angle. In the meantime, Jackie started playing with her own tits and watching her through half-lidded eyes, begging her silently to absolutely ruin her.
And who was Nat to deny her captain in her moment of need?
She gripped the inside of one of Jackie’s thighs with her free hand and pulled her fingers all the way out before slamming them all the way back in.
Her pace from there was brutal, but that seemed to be exactly what Jackie needed. With (admittedly) a fair amount of delight, Nat watched on as Jackie writhed on the bed, hips jerking this way and that, trying to make each thrust rougher than the last.
Deeper. Harder. No mercy.
She heard Jackie crying out, “Yes, yes, yes… oh god, yes!”, so she fucked her even more ruthlessly. She slipped a third finger in. She pounded into her with so much force, in fact, the headboard started smacking against the wall.
The sloppy sounds of her fingers slamming inside of her competed only with Jackie’s own voice, groaning out her name as she came undone. “God, Natalie…”
Nat could feel her tipping over the edge— could feel her walls pulsating, clamping, letting go again— so she instinctively pushed her fingers in as far as they could go and then abruptly stopped, leaving them deep but motionless.
It caused Jackie’s back to arch one last time, higher than ever, like she was practically floating. A deep, guttural cry erupted from her throat in the meantime, and a flood of warmth covered Nat’s fingers, dripping down between them and soaking her entire hand.
She gave Jackie a hazy smile and slowly, carefully, retracted her fingers as she came back down to earth. Every centimeter of pulling them out made Jackie shudder all over again.
But as soon as they were all the way out, the vibe between them shifted on an axis all over again, and Jackie suddenly covered up her tits by crossing her arms.
In the meantime, they both heard a noise.
It sounded like two sets of feet, racing down the stairs.
They both looked at each other, with surprise etched on their faces.
“Jesus, you don’t think…” Jackie started to say.
But Nat could only laugh and shake her head. “Jackie, no offense, but… what did you expect? Of course Shauna was going to come looking for you.”
“Oh god…” Jackie jumped up and started grabbing all her discarded clothes. Her eyes were like two saucers, wide with panic. She moved in a whirlwind of motions. She buttoned her shirt wrong the first time and had to start over. It made her growl like a disturbed lioness.
“Wait,” said Nat, reaching a hand out. “You’re not going to… tell her. Are you?”
“I don’t know,” admitted Jackie, not even looking her way. She shrugged into her jacket and tried to smooth her hair out. She even dug into a pocket and pulled out a tube of lipgloss, applying both it and a fresh smile, like nothing had even happened.
It would have made Nat feel cheap and like she’d been used, in any other circumstance, but in this case she only felt amused. Because, on some level, she understood it. She also planned on walking out of this room like it had never happened, although for maybe not the same reasons as Jackie.
She knew Lottie might have been with Shauna when she ran down those stairs. She knew she might have heard her and Jackie going at it on the other side of Mari’s bedroom door. But that, Nat thought she could handle. It could even be fun, at this point, to see how all of this played out.
What she couldn’t seem to handle— and the reason she was just as happy to put this night behind her as Jackie seemed to be— was that she had found sex with Jackie to be so utterly unsatisfying.
Even though Taylor was, admittedly, extremely fun to watch in the throes of passion.
And even though Taylor should have been, for all intents and purposes, a great memory to take with her. It was her first time with a girl, after all, and she could have done a whole hell of a lot worse than Jackie.
But even though all of that was true, and even though it hadn’t been the worst sex of Nat’s life, Jackie still hadn’t been Lottie. And that was the problem.
Because Lottie was the girl she really wanted.
That was the girl she thought about as she laid back down on the bed after Jackie left. She thought about those legs, and imagined what it would be like to have them wrapped around her head.
Jackie hadn’t let Nat go down on her. She had a feeling Lottie would, and she had a feeling she’d like it too.
She would bet money Lottie wouldn’t say “you’re going too slow” either.
But mostly, as she laid in Mari’s bedroom all alone, she thought about how much could change in just one night. Yesterday, she’d only been masturbating to vague daydreams. Tonight, it was a strange hope blooming out of nowhere that urged her hand inside of her jeans.
And she had Jackie Taylor and Shauna Shipman’s homoerotic friendship to thank for it.
Fuck, life could be so strange sometimes.