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Jake leaned forward, his grip on the saddle tightening. His hair was whipping around freely and the visor barely helped with the sharp winds. Still he couldn't help laughing loudly as his mount turned sharply.
He let out a single yip, it wasn't even needed as Bob understood him through their bond even without words or sound. The ikran dived nose down towards the ground. The forest was quickly becoming more and more detailed. He could almost see the outline of the leaves and the shadows in the canyon.
So enamoured with the beauty of this world, of his world, he didn't notice his grip slipping. His hands were suddenly soaked with sweat— everything was soaked with sweat. He couldn't tell. The saddle glided off of Bobs back without making a sound and suddenly he was airborne.
His limbs flailed around helplessly as he desperately tried to grab his ikran. But his hide was too slippery, too slick for him to actually hold onto. It was no use. Jake let out a bloodcurdling scream. The ground approaching faster than before. Bob let out a shriek so loud it made Jake's eardrums thump, desperately trying to catch his rider.
He felt numb, he was watching his own doom approach. He couldn't help but feel bitter: he had survived two wars for God's sake and then he died because of a faulty saddle? What a nightmare. He couldn't help but be reminded of the war, of the hundreds that had died just like this. Of Tsu'tey and Trudy.
Jake woke up with a gasp, cold sweat clinging to his body. A scream still on his lips as he breathed heavily. With a hand on his chest he tried to stabilize his breathing, tried to be calm. Feeling his own heartbeat— knowing he was still alive— helped, his body relaxed a fraction.
The urge to get up and move was familiar, it had been with him since childhood and had haunted him after Venezuela. Especially after Venezuela. He stretched the one leg not trapped under the weight of the warm body pressed up against him. Any other day he would've loved to lay here, next to his love, for hours. To watch the day pass from inside their hammock. But not now, not after that nightmare— that reminder.
He looked down at her, wondering what the best way to escape the hammock would be. Seeing her face, he changed his minds. His girl looked so tired. The pregnancy combined with her duties as tsakarem were obviously taking a toll on her. Even is she would never tell him. Taking a deep breath he tried to relax his body, his hand softly stroked her back. He could stay in bed for a while longer, so she could rest, he decided.
As time passed and dawn crept closer he finally relaxed. His breathing became slow and steady, and his mind drifted without any fear of danger.
Dreaming of flying wasn't new to him, not at all, when he was lying there in the VA hospital it was the only good thing he could dream of. It was either flying or reliving the worst moments in his life, to feel the bullet slice through his skin and embed itself into his spine as pain flooded his body. To crawl through the mud and foliage while bullets rained down upon him. To drag his useless body away from the corpses that were his friends— his squad, his brothers and sisters. That were so full of life not even five hours ago. No, Jake would take flying over that any time, even if the dreams felt like a cruel joke.
He remembered not knowing what was happening at first, when the dreams started. After being told he would never feel his lower body again, only to fall into a morphine induced sleep and wake up feeling being too aware of his legs.
At first he thought it was a horse, he remembered his mother teaching them when he was young. He had taken to it like a fish to water but Tommy had failed expertly. Tommy was never too good at physical activity, Jake was always better in that department. But the skin of his mount was too slick, too rough to be a horse. Now, he would recognise the feeling of riding ikran everywhere. Even if his eyes didn't work and his body was old and frail, he would never be able to forget the feeling of freedom.
His musing was interrupted by the sounds of people getting up and ready. It was almost dawn after all, and there was still a lot to prepare for the upcoming Great Hunt. The People had been thrumming with excitement for the past weeks. Two Great Hunts so close together hadn't happened in a long time, not since before the humans arrived on their planet.
The People saw it as a sign of peace and order being restored, and Jake couldn't help but agree.
The massive migration of the talioang would give them enough meat for a month or so. The preserved meat from the last Great Hunt, before the war, had been destroyed when Hometree fell. Just one of the deep cuts humans had left on Pandora.
Soft chatter started to fill the air, People softly talking to their loved ones. The noise roused Neytiri from her sleep, she blinked the sleep away and her ears twitched. <Good morning,> he told her softly, his voice raspy after hours of sleep.
Neytiri let out a loud yawn, her fangs showing. She murmured a greeting, her words slurring together. Jake smiled at the sight of his love. Slowly they both got up and ready for the day. Jake splashed some water on his face, groaning and sputtering at the feeling which made Neytiri laugh at him.
As he got ready Jake couldn't help but feel like he was missing something, like a piece of him was gone. Shaking of the uneasy feeling he turned towards his mate.
<My feet are all swollen,> Neytiri complained from where she was trying to massage her feet and ankles. Jake chuckled softly, offering to massage them for her. She hummed before lifting her leg in his direction.
He took the hint and started massaging the limb. The sun was almost fully up by the time they were done. People were already walking around outside.
Neytiri pulled him towards him and crashed their lips together. Jake let out a noise of happiness, his hands cradling her neck and waist gently. They parted softly, gazing into each others eyes before pulling away.
Together they left their Murai, making their way to the biggest communal area. They smelled the food before they saw it. The sweet and savoury scent of fruity egg filling the air. Jake's stomach grumbled and so did Neytiri's a beat later, they exchanged a glance before both laughing.
When they finally arrived Jake noticed that most of the clan was already there, with the exception of some elders and young children. Neytiri joined one of the queue's for food, talking softly with some of the other women standing in line. They all laughed at something Neytiri said and Jake smiled at the sight.
<Olo'eyktan!> He turned towards the noise and saw one of the elders calling him over. While he was walking over he tried to remember their name, Fawtok, if memory served him right. He greeted the small group before crouching down next to them.
Fawtok turned towards him, <Olo'eyktan, I have something for you.> They held up a collection of children's toys, each resembling different animals. There was an ikran, two pa'li, a Toruk and even yerik and talioang. They had obviously been crafted with care, all animals incredibly detailed.
Jake looked at the elder questioningly, accepting the toys. <We passed them down to our son,> Fawtok explained, <so he could give them to his own children one day.> Fawtok looked at the toys, something undecipherable in their eyes. <And he did, but both my son and his daughter,> they trailed off. The elder next to him laid a hand upon Fawtok's shoulder, a show of support and shared grief.
Fawtok continued, their hand coming up to clutch the hand on his shoulder. <I have no other relatives with young children to give them to,> Fawtok smiled at him, <so who would be a better recipient than Toruk Makto himself? Now that he is to be a father.>
<Irayo, Fawtok,> Jake said, admiring the toys with a grin across his face, <these are beautiful, my child will love them.> Jake carefully tucked the toys into the bag he had hanging from his loincloth.
After securing the toys, he laid a hand on Fawtok's other shoulder. <I am sorry for your loss, Fawtok, they will live on forever in Eywa and our memories,> he murmured, genuine sincerity in his voice and face— and in his soul. Fawtok nodded in thanks, smiling slightly.
Some time later, after talking with the circle of elders some more and bidding them all goodbye, he found himself standing in line for food.
Lei'wa handed him the bowl of leaves filled with steaming egg and fruit with smile, and he accepted with a smile. Asking her what fruits were in it, and she started rambling excitedly. Telling him about the fruit, where they had found it and how they had prepared. It was endearing to see someone so passionate about their craft.
Somehow Lei'wa managed to double the amount of food he was holding without him noticing. She laughed when he tried to give it back, pushing him away and towards were people were eating.
He laughed, thanking her. He walked and sat down one on of the empty rocks. From there he had a good view of the area.
Near the fires Tsuk was already strumming his musical bow, producing graceful melodies. He was softly singing old Hometree songs, the sound filling the air. Some people were singing with him, or humming along. Even some young children swayed to the rhythm as they played.
As he ate his meal he couldn't help but notice the group of older kids sitting on the other side of the rock. From what he could tell they were almost old enough for Iknimaya and adulthood.
<— is pregnant,> one of the kids said, being met with loud gasps. <What! Really? That is great!,> the kid who said the gossip first nodded, before leaning close and adding, <she hasn't told Eyn yet, even though she found out months ago.> The other kids looked shocked.
Jake couldn't help the grin, it faltered when he noticed two of the kids were similar. Not identical but close enough, and around the same age. Which could only mean that they were twins.
Suddenly the food in his mouth tasted vile, as if it had turned into mud. His appetite was gone in a blink. Swallowing the mud he turned away from the group. He didn't want them to notice him, their olo'eyktan and supposedly fearless warrior, looking so haunted.
He finished the meal reluctantly, knowing it wasn't good to waste food. Especially after the People worked hard for it.
Taking a moment to collect himself, he breathed in deeply. Trying to stop the swirling emotions in his chest. To stop feeling for just a moment. To just be for once. He exhaled, his breath trembling.
His hand clutched at his chest, clawing at his collarbone. It left a thin white line from where he had scratched the skin. Now distracted by the slight ache of the scratch, he felt better immediately.
Simultaneously he also felt worse, knowing that this was bad. Everyone in his life had told him so, that this was harming him more than it was helping him. Even though it felt like relief. His mother had told him, his brother had, his old English teacher— hell even his fellow soldiers had told him.
He had never been able to shake off the habit, it never went any further than scratching— not since he was sixteen at least— but apparently it was still bad.
'No matter', Jake thought, inhaling and exhaling. He stood up, trying to remember all he had to do today.
Leaving the area, he navigated the village in search of the big loom. He had been there before of course, Neytiri had taking him there. Although he was a bit too distracted by her beauty to remember the route.
Finally he found the big loom tucked in an alcove with several people using it. He approached the group, greeting them. Squatting down he started to talk to the weavers.
<Is everything going well? Any problems,> he asked, turning to one of more best weavers, Kiran. The man in question was stitching a beautiful loincloth together out of yerik hide.
<Hm? No, we don't have any problems, the new loom took some time getting used to,> Kiran answered. The other weavers nodded in agreement. <Although….>
Jake frowned at him questioningly, urging him to continue. Kiran made a show of looking him up and down, <you need some… better clothes, olo'eyktan.> <What you are wearing now is… embarrassing to say the least,> he said bluntly.
Jake looked at him in disbelief before snorting. It had been a while since someone, other than Neytiri, had humbled him that well. Well apart Tommy of course, he had always had a knack for that.
He was at a loss for words, not knowing what to reply. <Uhm okay,> he started carefully, <do you need to like measure me?>
Kiran nodded, satisfied at his response. They both stood up. Kiran manoeuvred Jake's body so he could take measurements. Jake tried to stand as still as possible, feeling awkward especially as Kiran and other weavers kept looking at his body appreciatively. He was convinced that one of them licked their lips.
After the weavers finished their measurements he started looking for the musicians. They were usually near the fires, so that's were he went.
Before he could sit down and start talking to them he was pushed away by Tsuk. <No, no, no olo'eyktan, we are making songs for the Great Hunt today. You can't hear them yet,> the older man told him, <top secret.>
Jake laughed, putting his hands up in surrender, <okay, okay, I'll leave you to it.> He was answered by a chorus is thank yous from the weavers as they waved him off. Unsure what to do now he decided to look for his mate.
Walking to the place Neytiri spent most of her time, the healing den, he got lost in thought. The world vanishing around him. He came to his senses again when he arrived at the murai.
He opened the beaded curtain that separated it from the rest of the world, peeking inside. He frowned at the sight of the den mostly empty, with the exception of two healers that were tending to a warrior.
Then he remembered Mo'at's visit yesterday, telling him that she was 'stealing' her daughter for some much needed mother-daughter time— and for tsakarem training. He remembered laughing at the embarrassed blush on Neytiri's face and her whiny, <sa'nok!>
Not sure what to do, he sat down in the communal area. He took out his knife, it was given to him when he became olo'eyktan and he took care of it often. Wanting to honour his predecessors.
He started cleaning the knife and his thoughts drifted once more. It wasn't even noon yet and there was no way he could spend the entire day cleaning his knife. He had to find something to do. Then he got an idea, he could just go an bother Norm. 'Yes,' he thought, 'that's such a good idea.'
After finishing cleaning the knife he jumped up and started looking for Omani. She was one of his best hunters and would take good care of the clan in the few hours he would be away.
He found Omani instructing a group of young hunters on the best ways to make different types of arrows. <Omani,> he called out.
She looked over at him from where she was inspecting one of her students attempt. <Olo'eyktan?> She asked, handing the arrow back to her student, who seemed relieved to finally have succeeded. <What do you need?>
<I am going to visit the humans, will you be in charge until I am back?> He asked her. She straightened, <of course, I will take good care of the People,> she promised. Jake nodded at her gratefully, <irayo.>
He bonded with the gentlest pa'li he could find, steering her in the direction of Hell's Gate. The base was only a few minutes from the village on pa'li. If he took double the time, well no one was around to judge him.
He was just enamoured by the scenery of the planet, with its beauty and gifts. The colours and sounds that the plant life had was so different from back on Earth, it would never lose its charm. 'Tommy would've loved this,' his mind unhelpfully added. He bit his lip hard, nails scratching the skin on his neck to stop the thoughts.
On the way he saw a herd of talioang grazing near the lake. He steered the mare in a wide arc around them, not wanting to disturb the gentle beasts. As he was riding he noticed that one calf was different from the others. It had two heads. He had never seen such a thing before, not here and definitely not on Earth, were most of the cattle was long gone. It was trembling as it stood and couldn't help but feel like it wouldn't survive the night.
When he finally arrived he dismounted smoothly, the pa'li deciding to graze the fresh grass that had started growing just outside the compound. He entered the airlock and waited the few minutes necessary for the air to cycle
When the air finished cycling he entered the building, looking for someone to help him find a mask for na'vi. He walked around, trying to find the lab or maybe the cafeteria. Having never taken the time to familiarize himself with this part of the compound he had no idea were either of those could be.
Checking random rooms he somehow found Max tinkering with a computer. He grinned, deciding to sneak up on the man. He stood behind him, deliberately breathing down on his neck. Max went still, his whole body tensing. "Boo," Jake whispered.
The scream Max let out was so high-pitched that Jake was sure it could've broken the glass. "Jake!" Max said, his chest heaving, "how- what- why! Why would you do that! I almost died!" Jake laughed hard, doubling over as he clutched his chest. "This is not funny!" He was laughing so hard he couldn't even reply with words, he just wheezed loudly.
"Fucking asshole," Max muttered, pushing his shoulder, "I would offer you a mask but you deserve to choke." Jake snorted, putting his hands up in surrender, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist."
Max glared at him before cracking a smile. He turned around walking towards a storage closet. Jake followed behind, watching his friends rummage through various boxes. "They would be here somewhere," Max muttered, more to himself than to Jake, "we really need to place these closer to the entrance, just in case."
Max turned around, triumphantly holding a sealed box filled to the brim with avatar-sized masks. "Here they are! Let me grab one for you." He put the box on one of the tables, doing something to unseal the box. The box opened with a sound similar to an airlock. Jake grabbed one of the masks and put it on, inhaling deeply. "Thanks, man," he said gratefully, watching Max seal the box again.
"I really need to get that computer working, if you're looking for Norm he should be in the garden. " Jake nodded gratefully before waving the man goodbye.
The way to the garden was easy enough, the hallways had windows which showed his goal creeping closer and closer. That combined with the trail of mud and plant material— from the biologists no doubt— made the task doable even for a toddler.
Leaving the airlock his eyes were drawn to the basketball court. Two avatars were playing basketball with three humans cheering them on. From what he could hear there was a bet going on. Jake grinned at the sight.
In the garden a familiar avatar was almost hidden between the various plants. Norm was looking closely at the leaves of the plant, trying to look for something.
Jake chuckled, walking close to the man, "how are you today, living god?" Norm's head snapped towards him, shocked to see him there. Then the greeting dawned on him and he groaned, hiding his face in his hands.
"Don't remind me of that," Norm whined, but Jake could see the smile on his face. "Why? Are you not a living god?" Jake teased, flexing his muscles the same way Norm did. Norm let out another groan.
He laughed, crouching down next to his friend, "what you doing?" Norm uncovered his face, launching into his explanation. Apparently the plants weren't growing as well as they did before the war, but the soil and other possible causes were all identical to what they were before.
"Maybe you can ask one of the People for help? I'm sure someone knows a lot about plants, maybe try the gatherers," Jake offered. "That would be great, thanks Jake"
Norm nodded, writing somethings down on his notepad before standing up. "I gotta log some things in the lab, you wanna come?" "Sure man," Jake murmured following his friend towards the lab again.
"I need to unlink first, meet you in the lab?" Jake nodded, waving his friend off as he entered the airlock. Inside the lab he was greeted by a scientist overlooking the link, waiting for Norm.
Jake walked around the lab, his gaze falling on the amnio tank in the corner. Inside was Grace's avatar, floating peacefully as if she was just asleep. 'Well', he supposes, 'she is, the avatar body is still alive and Grace…'. He touched the glass, feeling how cold it was. It was weird, looking at his late friend. Knowing she was alive but also not.
His heart felt heavy again. He reached up, intending to scratch again but was stopped by Norm unlinking.
He turned around, watching the scientist and Norm talk. He glanced back at the avatar and stilled. The new angle made him notice something. There was a slight bump in Grace's abdomen, something that definitely wasn't there before. It was small and barely noticeable but it caught his attention all the same. It was familiar, but he couldn't put his mind on it.
"Hey uhhh," he started, waving his friend over, "what's that bump?" Norm and the other scientist walked over, a frown on their faces. Jake pointed at the area, stepping back so the two scientists could see it.
Norm frowned, growing more and more concerned. "We need to check that out," he said, turning and talking to the other scientists. The three of them split, one preparing to de-tank the tank, the other preparing some other equipment and Norm sending a message to other the scientists.
"The tests might take a while, we need to be thorough," he explained to his friend. Jake nodded in understanding, asking how long it would take. "It depends, might not be until next week," Norm said, pursing his lips as he looked at the tank worriedly.
Other scientist started arriving in the lab which made it clear Jake should probably leave. "I'll leave you to it, please update me as soon as possible." Norm agreed, already typing things into a computer.
Just before he left he heard Norm calling out for him, "I know the battle was like four months ago but I remembered when looking through my calender." Jake raised an eyebrow, "happy birthday Jake," Norm said softly. Jake stared at him, having completely forgotten about that. He nodded, his mind suddenly hazy.
When he gets outside he feels the urge to fly, to feel the wind. He calls for Bob and waited for the familiar shriek. Looking out into the forest, admiring its beauty.
A group of syaksyuk were travelling through the trees, the monkey-like creatures leaping from branch to branch. One of them, a mother, was carrying two babies close to her chest. The babies hung onto their mother, trusting her to not drop them.
He has a vague memory of his own mother holding him and Tommy like that, when they were really small. They obviously weren't swinging through trees, their mother was bringing them to one of the few playgrounds in their district. He felt a pang, his heart feeling heavy at the memory.
His melancholy was interrupted by Bob landing next to him, sending a gust of wind and messing up his hair. The ikran looked at him, something confused in his gaze. Apparently confused why Jake hadn't reacted to his shriek. Jake smiled at the beast and quickly mounted him.
Together they fly around the forest, rising higher and higher. He gets more lost in thought as they travel, flying past the fallen Hometree and deciding to go to the Hallelujah Mountains.
Hearing another familiar shriek he sees Toruk in the distance. The mighty beast was flying above a flock of fkio, the flamingo-like birds that he finds a tasty snack. He watched for a bit. Seeing Toruk dive and catch a pair of fkio in his maw, the rest of the animals shrieking loudly and scattering everywhere.
He continues flying across the world. Drifting past floating islands and hanging vines. There he spots the residential cabin on site 26. The one they all used before the war, before moving the linking shack closer to the Tree of Souls.
Deciding to check it out, to see if there was any useful stuff that was left in the move. He lands on the ground, making a dull thud. He slides off of Bob, petting the beast softly. He looks at the shack, it was partly overgrown now with moss covering almost all of the windows.
Luckily the entrance was still mostly free and he entered the airlock after ripping away some small vines. Through the window he watched Bob try (and fail) to get some fruit from a tree. The ikran huffed before turning and shuffling out of his view.
Entering the cabin he was met by a mess, stuff was everywhere. After the attack on the Tree of Souls and Grace being shot, they had moved as quick as possible. Only grabbing the basic necessities.
He found two empty duffel bags and decided to just fill it with everything useful. The bags filled quickly with spare clothes, towels, cooking supplies, a first-aid kit, tech, instant coffee and other non-perishables and rations. Under Grace's bed there was also a shit ton of cigarettes and blankets, those were also swiftly packed.
Looking through one of the cabinets he found the real treasure: playing cards and UNO. He laughed, holding the cards, the humans in Hell's Gate were going to be delighted.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw the fridge, and the photographs still on there. They were always very dear to Grace and he know Neytiri, Sylwanin and Tsu'tey were on there. Deciding to take them he carefully put them in his own personal pouch.
He was finishing closing the bags, almost ready to get out of the cabin and call for Bob when he noticed a plastic bag. It was peeking out from under one of the beds, the one he slept in. He set down the duffel bags and hesitantly crouched down, reaching to grab the plastic bag.
When he pulled the bag towards him he immediately recognised the weight, he knew what it was before it had been pulled out. In an instant his eyes filled with long forgotten tears. His sight blurred and he collapsed against the bed. The bed thumped against the wall with a loud noise, but he barely noticed.
With trembling hands he opened the bag, revealing the ugly white urn, Tommy's urn. His older brother, his Tommy. All that he had been, all he was was inside the urn. So small now. As if he had never mattered at all. As if his death was so insignificant.
Jake felt the guilt crash down on him, he had forgotten his brother. Forgotten about his promise to bury him. Had just shoved him under the bed and then just went on living his dream. Jake let out a sob, finding it hard to breath. The urn almost slipped from his hands and Jake's breath hitched. He clutched his brother to his chest while sobbing, his lungs and throat and eyes burning.
"Fuck Tommy-" was all he managed to get out as his throat constricted. Unable to talk he just sobbed. His brother. His twin. His other half was dead. Dead. And he was living his life. Had stolen it. This was supposed to be his.
His body was heaving with the force of the sobs that erupted from him. The urn was cradled to his chest tightly, as if he was afraid of it falling and then forgetting about his brother again. It was so small now. He was so small now. He cradled his brother close and let out a small broken sound.
Eventually his tears dried up, the feeling of numbness overtook him. He wasn't sure how long he was there, staring at his brother. But before he knew it it was already getting dark. He sighed, knowing that the first food would be served soon.
He stood up, steadying himself against the wall. He gathered his duffel bags into his arms, before going outside. He called for his mount and Bob quickly appeared. His head still wet from eating fish. He strapped the duffel bags to the ikran and then secured the urn in the saddle bag. Making sure his brother was safe before taking off.
He flies by the compound first, dropping off the duffel bags by one of the scientists. He didn't know her well, couldn't even remember her name at first, Celia took the bags from him. He didn't talk much and neither did she when she saw the tear tracks on his face. She thanked him for the stuff and said Norm would be in contact.
After that he flies back to the village, he decided to land near the edge of the village and get to his Murai unnoticed. He managed it easily, most of the people were already eating dinner and the few that were still around the murai left him alone.
—
When the sky was dark again and the forest started glowing Neytiri entered the murai. She was carrying a leaf bowl filled with steaming mushrooms and fruit. She opened her mouth to speak before noticing her mate. He was sitting cross-legged on the ground, leaning against the wall, with fresh tear tracks still on his face.
Frowning, she placed the food down before crouching down next to him. <Ma Jake? Why are you crying?> She asked softly, wiping some tears away. He let out a small broken sound, his voice cracking, "my brother, it's my brother, my brother-" he let out a sob. Neytiri's ears flattened against her head, knowing whatever her mate was going through must be really bad if he's speaking in english.
"Your brother?" She asked, he nodded, letting out another sob. He lifted up the urn in his lap, showing her a bit. "He is in this… box?" She asked, and against all odds Jake chuckled a bit. He shook his head, looking at the urn, "its not a box, an urn."
She leaned closer, studying the urn. It was made of plain white stone, Neytiri recognised her mate's drawing all around the urn. Freshly painted patterns and decorations livening up the urn. There were flowers and plants, stars and even a fat grew… cat, if she remembered correctly. There was also a detailed drawing of Toruk and Bob flying together.
"Humans don't bury their dead, not anymore," Jake started, "we burn them now, their ashes are put into urns like this, for their family." Neytiri hummed thoughtfully, her ears drooping recognising that that meant Jake's brother was no longer alive. She was familiar with the practice of cremating, a lot of Sky People corpses were disposed of that way, after the war. And there were clans that did it too.
"Your brother is in the urn?" She asked, he nodded, "yes, do you… do you remember him?" She thought about it before nodding, "when we mated, in your memories there were two Jake's, Jake and Tommy" Jake smiled at that, "yeah… Jake and Tommy," he trailed off, his voice cracking and his smile disappearing.
Neytiri reached out, holding her mate's hand as she leaned against his side. She studied the urn, recognising some painted plants. "Tommy liked plants?" "Oh, Tommy adored plants. His whole life was all 'plants, plants, plants oh and an animal'. Tommy loves plants," Jake told her, tracing the paint. "He came here, to study the plants… like Grace." Neytiri hummed, squeezing his hand.
"I'm sorry ma Jake," she murmured, honesty clear in her voice and his ears drooped, his eyes becoming sad again. She continued, "Tommy deserved much more than this, I'm sorry he was taken from you." She cradled his face gently, "I know how you feel, and it is okay to cry and mourn and scream."
Jake's eyes shone with tears, nodding. He swallowed, turning away and wiping the tears that had fallen. He leaned against her, and they just sat there for awhile. Just being.
It was then that Jake remembered the photographs, "I found something for you." He reached inside his pouch and pulled out the photographs. "Here," he said gently, handing her the photograph of her and Sylwanin.
"What are these- oh…" she trailed off, staring at the photograph. <Sylwanin…> Her voice cracked, she looked at the photograph of her and her sister, both still so young and happy. Before anything bad happened at all.
Neytiri started at the pictures for some time before she found her voice once more, <Sylwanin also loved plants, like Tommy.> Jake looked up at her, before looking at the picture, <I bet they could've been good friends,> he laughed. Neytiri also chuckled at that, imagining a world where they met.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Jake, <I want to bury him on Eywa'eveng.> He looked at the urn in his lap, <he worked so hard for this, to travel to this planet and study the plants with Grace… he deserves to at least fulfil his dream.> His voice cracked at the end.
Neytiri looked at the urn again, one of the photographs had fallen next to it when Jake first took them out: one with her, Sylwanin, Tsu'tey and Grace.
Jake took a deep breath at the sight of their loved ones all together, <I promised to bury him on the prettiest spot I could find.> Neytiri nodded, thinking about a spot she could suggest, <the waterfalls east of Hometree are beautiful,> she offered.
<I thought you told me that was palulukan territory?> Jake asked, distinctly remembering to avoid that place unless it was necessary. Neytiri nodded but her face twisted into a frown, wondering why she forgot such an important thing. <Maybe near the river,> Jake mused.
Neytiri almost suggested the Mother Tree but remembered that Tommy wasn't one of the People, not like his brother was. She listened to Jake list more beautiful and meaningful places, offering comments here and there. When Jake couldn't think of any more places, <let's just sleep and I'll eat the dinner you brought me. Thank you, baby, for this.> Neytiri looked at him, her gaze soft.
—
It wasn't the sun that woke them up the next morning, no it was Mo'at shaking their hammock. <Wake up, you are being lazy, sleeping in. You are olo'eyktan and tsakarem.> She told them, not even allowing them to defend themselves before she walked away again.
Jake crawled out of the hammock with a groan and Neytiri let out an angry huff, muttering about being treated like a child. They got ready, Jake massaged Neytiri's feet again and Neytiri tried to fix his bedhead.
Somehow they were down by the communal fires in less than ten minutes, a record in Jake's opinion. They were greeting people left and right, striking up conversations with various clan members as they enjoyed the mushrooms and fruits that were prepared this morning.
The day passed uneventful and while Jake tried his best he hadn't been able to catch Mo'at alone. He was trying to ask her about Omatikaya funeral processions since she was tsahìk and knew the best.
Neytiri was with the gatherers for most of the day, gathering materials for the weavers and artisans. And he didn't want to bother her.
Also he had to give some of the pictures to Mo'at, Sylwanin was her daughter after all.
Eventually, near eclipse, Jake found Mo'at organising her herbs in the healing den, the other healers were slowly filtering out. Jake stood outside of the den, just in view of the occupants inside, pretending to look out at the People.
After a while Mo'at sighed and turned towards the entrance and sharply asking, <what can I help you with, Jakesully?> Her voice was harsh and annoyed but her eyes betrayed curiosity, <you have been stalking me like prey all day, and you still failed to actually 'catch' me.>
<I wanted to ask about some cultural aspects,> he started and was interrupted by his mother-in-law. <You want to know about Neytiri yes? About the birth and also about fatherhood? Good, it is good that you came to me.>
Jake nodded before realising, <wait, no- I mean yes I do want to know but I also want to know about some other things,> he quickly corrected. Mo'at frowned, urging him to continue. <I want to know more about funeral processions of the People.> She looked at him, raising an eyebrow, <… I can teach you about them but I must ask… why?>
Jake sighed sadly, his ears drooping and he started explaining, <I had a brother, who was supposed to be the one coming here, but he died. I- I brought his urn here…> He rambled, his voice cracking a bit. <I wanted him to fulfil his dream of coming here, so I brought him. I need to bury his ashes still, and I want to know some things about funeral processions so I can decided on the proper way.>
Mo'at nodded, <I am sorry for your loss, Jakesully. I can teach you, of course, but your brother…> <Tommy> <Tommy is not one of the People, he cannot be buried in the way of the People nor can you see him in Eywa's embrace,> she said carefully.
Jake nodded, having already talked about it with Neytiri, <yes of course, I want to maybe combine certain aspects of the way of the People and human funerals…. like I would probably need some "biodegradable" so that—> Mo'at gave him a blank look at that. <Uhm, material that won't last— so that it doesn't interfere with the life….>
She hummed nodding before suggesting that he embroider a cloth, make it fitting for Tommy. <Oh, that would be great,> Jake accepted. Mo'at nodded, standing up and grabbing some white cloth, needles and various colours of thread out of a stash.
<Are there any flowers or plants or fruits that are often used for funerals?> Mo'at was silent for a bit, thinking off all the possible answers, <there aren't any specific flowers for funerals, we use any of Eywa's gifts. It is often based on the deceased ones preferences. Oh, actually healing flowers such as the tana'ring are sometimes used,> she explained.
Jake nodded, his mind swirling with ideas for the embroidery and for flowers and fruits. Mo'at handed him the supplies and also a small bottle of white paint. <To signify the mourning period,> she explained.
Suddenly being reminded of the photographs, Jake reached into his pouch and produced them. He handed them to her, waiting for her reaction. She looked at them and gasped, her eyes shining with tears. <I found them in Grace's cabin, I thought it was only right for you to have them,> he said quietly. Looking at Mo'at seeing her two girls together for the first time in years. <Thank you, Jakesully,> Mo'at said softly.
Jake quietly left after that, leaving the grieving mother alone.
—
It didn't take him long to come up with the design, it would be similar to the ones he painted on the urn but more detailed. He did take a long time to actually start. To set the first stitch into the cloth that would be his Tommy's last place. The last thing he would ever touch. That he would ever see him in.
The buzzing inside of him grew louder and louder, threatening to overwhelm him and render him senseless. His hands were trembling but he didn't notice. The needle passed through the cloth with ease, entered the soft flesh of his hand. He watched a small spot of blood appear on the pure white cloth.
'Tommy died the same way,' he thought. With a knife entering his body with ease. With blood leaking out of the wound, out of his body. Until his clothes and the ground was soaked in red. Until his brother was completely dry and barely a husk of what he was.
Time blurred together and before he knew it, a flower had appeared. It was a simple thing really, a child could've made it, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Neytiri had thought him how to embroider months ago, showing how to make various plants and flowers. This flower was special though, it was a hyacinth, from earth.
It had been one of the things they had in common, their favourite flower. Jake had never seen it in person but Tommy had, during his degree he was allowed to study the plants. He had fond memories of the pictures Tommy had sent them, and of the stories about the flower.
Stories had always been the way to his heart, listening to their fathers calm voice while leaning against his side, Tommy leaning against him. Stories about ancient civilizations, or children's books or fairytales and fables.
He spent the rest of the day in a daze, having faint memories of finishing the cloth and Neytiri coming home, of eating dinner with the clan and then going to bed.
—
He woke up before dawn, just lying there for minutes on end. His body felt too heavy to even think about moving. But he knew he must, he knew that his brother deserved it.
When he finally managed to get up he accidentally roused Neytiri, when she caught his eye she understood. He watched her turn away from him, intending to back to sleep.
Putting the urn in a bag together with the cloth and some flowers and plants. He strapped the bag to his body before leaving the murai. He remained as silent as possible, not wanting to wake anyone.
He didn't want to wake anyone by calling for Bob in the middle of the village so he walked towards Hell's Gate. He passed by Lei'wa and the other cooks already preparing food.
As he walked he passed by the lake again, most of the talioang were still sleeping. Only the two-headed calf and an elder was awake, the calf was trying to rouse their mother who grumbled in annoyance. The calf looked stronger, and the sight filled him with a feeling of contentment and reassurance.
Entering the clearing between the forest and Hell's Gate he called for Bob with a loud yip. His ikran appeared after a short while and Jake made the bond before mounting him. He made sure the bag was secure before taking off.
They flew in the direction of the Hallelujah Mountains, Jake reached into the saddle bag to feed Bob some ikran snacks. In the bag was also a big shell fruit, Neytiri must've put it there for him.
During the flight Jake couldn't help but zone out, he was then rudely awakened by Toruk screaming. He snapped his head in the direction of the sound as Bob flinched. Toruk was just flying around, probably thought it was fun to scare them.
He watched the beast for a few minutes, for once not associating the mighty beast with the war. No, Toruk reminded him of Tommy. He remembered the stories he told Toruk, when he tried to bond with him, about his older brother. The stories of Bellerophon and Alexander the Great, their favourite childhood stories. He smiled bitter sweetly.
Watching the beast hunt wild ikran he decided that it wasn't the best idea to have Bob so close, especially knowing his mount didn't necessarily like Toruk. Leading bob away he scanned the surrounding islands for an appropriate and safe spot.
He landed on a beautiful island, it was surrounded by other floating island but this one was the largest. It had small trees and bushes and flowers everywhere. There was even a small creek running down the middle, filled with water from the island above and streaming towards the waterfall at the edge. He dismounted his ikran, giving Bob another ikran treat before walking towards the waterfall.
There, next to the creek just at the edge of the islands, lay a meditation mat. It seemed old and weathered, unused for decades, but it was still useable. He sat down, unstrapping the bag.
He opened it, taking out the urn and the cloth. He laid out the cloth in front of him.
He took a deep breath, eyes brimming with tears before opening the urn. It felt even heavier now, even though it should weigh less. With trembling hands he tipped the urn over, pouring the remains of his brother onto the specially crafted cloth. The ashes fell into a small heap in the middle of the cloth, right in the hyacinth.
He folded the cloth gently, making sure not to hurt his brother. He folded the edges and then the whole thing and then he tied it off, making sure it was all contained together.
Cradling his brother in his lap he inhaled, his breath trembling. He closed his eyes, reminiscing.
He reflected on everything: on the last few days, his mate, his unborn baby, his parents, Grace, Norm, Trudy, Tsu'tey, Sylwanin, the war, being human and most of all his older brother. He thought about him the most.
About roughhousing in the mud, about listening to stories together, about climbing the roof even though their mother hated it, about protecting his brother from bullies, about helping each other study, about Tommy begging Jake not to go to Venezuela, about lashing out at his brother and losing contact, about breaking down knowing he wouldn't see his brother for eighteen years when he left for Pandora— left him alone on Earth.
God how he regretted things, how he wishes he could go back and do it all over again. To have just one last conversation that didn't end in him screaming. To say goodbye.
Jake was reflecting so deeply that he hadn't noticed that he had started talking, "I'm sorry for shouting at you, I didn't want you to leave, Tommy." His voice cracked and he opened his eyes, looking over at the world opening before him. "It's beautiful here, you would've loved it here."
"I miss you," he murmured, his voice suddenly like a child again. He missed Tommy so fucking much, he missed his older brother. He missed his constant rambling and chatter and his cheerful demeanour and his kind smiles at everyone and everything, his hope for humanity and for him.
"It's perfect for you," he continued, "it has all the plants you could imagine and more. So many undiscovered, whole continents unexplored, so much culture you could learn. Maybe you would write a book about them, like Grace."
He sighed, caressing the cloth in his lap, "I wish you were here. But I also wish you weren't, does that make me a terrible person? It probably does. I am an asshole after all. God what am I even doing."
"Sometimes I think that this is all a dream, or is it a nightmare, I'm not so sure anymore."
"This should've been yours, and I took it from you," he murmured, "it should've been." Before he could continue is self=depreciating speech he was interrupted by warm beams of sunlight. The sun was suddenly so bright, it was blinding.
His mouth fell open, suddenly feeling dry and he squinted. The world was so bright, and oh so beautiful. The light should've continued to blind him, but it didn't. Instead there was an outline, of someone. Or maybe it was his imagination, it was gone as soon as it appeared but Jake couldn't stop staring, searching for the figure again.
As if possessed he stood up, gathering the bag and his brother. His body moved on its own, his legs felt weak and sleepy and unstable, towards a tree. There on the ground, the sunlight through the leaves made a near perfect heart shape.
He staggered over to the spot, collapsing to his knees. He didn't need to ask if this was the spot, he just knew. This was it. This is where he would bury his brother.
He exhaled, his breath trembling and put the bag down. He parted some leaves and grass. There was no room for second-guessing this was it.
His hands went into the dirt easily, grabbing parts and pulling them up. He continued digging, his hands becoming filthy. He didn't notice the tears that were mixing with the earth. He didn't stop the the hole was big enough, it wasn't enough, it needed to be better.
Then he pricked his hand on a root, it had thorns all over. He watched the blood well up, spread over the palm of his hand.
Swallowing thickly he nodded, his uninjured hand moving to grab the fruit and flowers out of the bag. Laying them all out. He stared at the cloth, at the motifs he embroidered into it. At his brother laying in there. With limbs made out of lead he cradles the cloth.
After what felt like an eternity he managed to make himself lower the cloth. To bury his brother.
The cloth was barely visible, so deep was the hole. The shadows hid it from view. He didn't feel sad, not in the way he normally felt sad. There was sorrow, there would always be. But there was also peace and nostalgia and melancholia. He felt lighter, as if his— and Tommy's— soul was finally at peace. Tommy was free now— God, he hoped he was.
He filled the hole with fruits and flowers, and other beautiful things he had taken with him. Before using the dirt and rocks and roots he had dug up to fill the hole completely.
Before closing it, he planted a tiny seed— melon tree, said to represent life.
After planting the seed, he decorated the grave with the remaining flowers and fruits. Even adding some snacks that Tommy would enjoy, both Na'vi and human.
"Thank you, take care of him," he said softly, he himself wasn't even sure if the prayer was meant for the Great Mother of for God or for anyone else. He didn't care, he just wanted his Tommy taken care of.
He watered the grave with some water from the creek, before deciding to water the nearby plants as well. Tommy loved plants after all and all his rambling made Jake quite knowledgeable too, some of the plants were a little dehydrated.
He didn't realise how much time had passed, just going around the small island and taking care of the plants while talking to his brother about his life. He did however notice it suddenly getting really dark, it was already eclipse, time to go home.