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LOVIN the News

Summary:

While scrolling through social media, Kaminari stumbles across the League Of Villains Informational News. As he soon finds out, none of them have any idea how to run a news network, but he'd be damned if the results aren't entertaining.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

It was a slow day in the Class 1-A dorms. Granted, that’d been the case for just about every day since they first moved in. The Provisional Hero License Exam was still a good deal away, so besides the occasional coordinated training session, there wasn’t much for the group of students to do together.

Not to say that was a bad thing. After getting attacked at the summer camp, a few days of rest and mental recuperation were more than welcome. As it stood, a large chunk of Class 1-A spent most of their time lounging in the common room, quietly enjoying each other’s company.

One such student was Kaminari, who lay sprawled out on the couch, face buried in his phone as he mindlessly scrolled through short-form content designed to hold his attention for as long as possible and shorten his attention span even further. He’d been doing this for about an hour now, and not much had interested him in that time. That is, until he stumbled across one active livestream among the videos that managed to snap him out of his trance, but not for the right reasons.

You’re watching the League Of Villains Independent News,” said an eerily familiar voice as a logo flashed on screen.

“Huh? What the…?” Kaminari sat up on the couch, his face twisting in confusion at his phone.

Before he could ask himself any more questions, the screen transitioned to what looked to be a newsdesk, with a finely-dressed man made of purple smoke facing the camera. “Greetings, viewers. Thank you for tuning into LOVIN. I’m Kurogiri Nofirstname, here with a breaking news report.

“What the hell?” said Kaminari, drawing the attention of the rest of the common room.

“What’s going on?” Jiro took the spot next to him and leaned over to catch a glimpse of his phone screen.

“I dunno. The League of Villains are doing some kind of news livestream or something.” He practically shoved the phone in her face.

The villain community has truly been shaken by the recent incarceration of the Symbol of Evil: All for One,” Kurogiri continued. “How will this affect society at large? Let’s hear what one of All for One’s longest and most trusted confidants has to say.

The footage then cut to a large, mountain-like man sobbing hysterically into the microphone. “MASTER IS GOOOOONE! NOOOOOOO! THE HEROES WILL PAAAAAAY!

Jiro could only squint at what could barely even qualify as news. “What the fuck?” she asked, a natural response to finding the local terrorist group on TikTok.

“I know, right? This is so weird,” Kaminari added.

“What’s weird?” Izuku leaned over the couch to catch a glimpse.

“I heard the League of Villains. Is this important?” Iida did the same.

“Excuse me, what about the League?” Momo scooted up to Kaminari’s other side, just as Kurogiri appeared back at the news desk.

As you can see, a future without All for One is an uncertain one. And now here’s Shigaraki Tomura with the sports.

The footage cut to Tomura, who looked more focused on the gaming PC in front of him than the camera. “Huh? Oh yeah. My League of Legends team has been dominating lately. The other teams might as well be NPCs with how predictably they play. We’ll probably be ready to go pro by the end of the month, then we’ll finally be able to - FUCK! They just took out all my units! God dammit!” In a fit of rage, Tomura slammed his hands down on his PC, which soon collapsed into a pile of dust. “News update: those guys were fucking hackers, and Kurogiri needs to get me a new PC.

From off-camera, another voice interjected, “You’re supposed to be talking about actual sports!

E-sports ARE actual sports, Magne! And they’re way more interesting than fucking baseball! What’s so good about baseball anyways? You just hit a ball and run in a circle! Are people so starved for entertainment that they choose to watch THAT every week? I swear, sports fans are nothing but a bunch of-

The segment was cut off, and the group of Class 1-A students continued to stare in bewilderment. “Should… we tell someone about this?” Izuku asked.

“Yes, definitely,” Iida nodded in agreement. Despite that, none of them were in any hurry to go inform the teachers, their eyes fully fixated on the phone. “...But first, perhaps we should watch one more segment, just to be sure this is real.”

“Good idea.” Kaminari continued to hold the phone, helping everyone satiate their morbid curiosity.

You heard it here first, folks. Traditional sports are dead. Next up, we go to Mr. Compress, who will give us a look into the current state of the stock market.

The footage cut to the masked magician in question, who, despite all the red, downward-pointing arrows surrounding him, couldn’t look more pleased. “Thank you, Kurogiri. Ever since All Might’s retirement, stocks for his merchandising company, Might Incorporated, have plummeted spectacularly!

“Glad I already sold my stocks then,” Izuku muttered, earning a few strange looks from his classmates.

In other news, the Yaoyorozu Conglomerate’s stocks are projected to be down the drain by the end of the fiscal year.”

“What?!” Momo gawked at the news. “This is completely inaccurate! We’ve been having one of our best years yet!”

This sudden shakeup is entirely due to my own intervention, as just last week, I robbed the company of all its most valuable physical assets, and plan to burn them all live during today’s broadcast.

“Excuse me, WHAT?!” Just then, Momo got a series of texts from her parents, and left the room in a panic.

As unfortunate as that was for her well-being, the rest of the group simply couldn’t keep their eyes off the broadcast, continuously wondering what kind of unhinged insanity would greet them next.

How very informative of him. Next, we go to Dabi with the weather.

The footage cut to Dabi standing in front of a weather map, though it was extremely zoomed in on one location in particular. “The Todoroki household is expected to reach a record-breaking 104 degrees Fahrenheit. This is because Endeavor is a whiny little bitch who throws temper tantrums over being the number one hero, even though that was literally the only thing he wanted throughout his entire career!” He didn’t seem to notice the angry blue flames flying off his body, quickly spreading to the green screen behind him. “Residents of the Todoroki household are advised to dress extremely light, and also to kick Endeavor in the shins.

What about the rest of Japan?” another voice asked from off-camera.

I dunno. It’s probably raining or something.

The group of students glanced out a nearby window, where there was hardly a cloud in the sky. “What’s this guy’s deal with Endeavor? From the way he talks, it’s like he killed the weather guy’s whole family or something,” Jiro commented.

“Seems like pretty average behavior from an Endeavor hater,” Izuku shrugged nonchalantly, right as the footage cut back to Kurogiri.

It seems we have some pretty strong opinions on the newest number one hero. To expand on this topic, we go to Twice in the debate corner.

The footage switched to Twice dressed in a blue suit while standing on the left side of the room. “I say Endeavor’s flame beard is a goatee!” he yelled to no one.

In a flash, he changed into a red-colored suit and made his way to the right side of the room, facing the spot where he once stood. “You’re wrong! It’s very clearly a ducktail beard!

He changed suits and switched back to where he once was. “Are you blind? Are you deaf? That looks nothing like a ducktail!

He ran back to the right side again. “Fuck you!

Then the left. “Why don’t you go fuck yourself instead?!

What’s the difference? We’re the same person!

Yeah, and you’re STILL more annoying than me!

You take that back!

Make me!

Okay, I will!” Twice leaped across the room and tackled… himself, getting into a one-sided fight, both in the sense that it was between a singular person, and that Twice was absolutely beating Twice’s ass.

As Magne ran over and tried to break him up, she frantically yelled to someone off-camera, “Cut to commercial! Cut to-”

The commercial in question featured a stout man in a lab coat standing in the middle of a dimly-lit room surrounded by glowing purple tanks, his face and name completely blacked out for presumed privacy reasons.

Hello! I’m Dr. [REDACTED]. Today, I’m going to teach you how you can create your very own Nomu at home. First, find someone with a truly fascinating Quirk.” An operating table bed rolled into frame, carrying an unconscious woman with some kind of cheetah mutation. “Once you’ve procured your victi - I mean test subject, simply take your scalpel and-

The following scene has been removed due to images too graphic and disturbing, even by League of Villains standards.

And there we go! A homemade Nomu, ready to kill heroes and cause mindless destruction at your command!” He pet the exposed brain creature, which had taken up the woman’s place on the operating table.

Kill… me…” the Nomu begged.

Heh heh, whoops! Only the high-end Nomus should be talking. If this happens to you, don’t be afraid to give your Nomu a good ol’ lobotomy.

The commercial thankfully ended after that, returning to Kurogiri at the news desk. “This just in, we have breaking news at the first-year UA dormitories! We go live to our reporter, Toga Himiko, who is already on the scene.

Everyone’s eyes widened at that. “Wait, what did he just say?” Kaminari worriedly glanced between his phone and the other students.

I’m Toga Himiko,” the girl said in a hushed tone, the camera held uncomfortably close to her face. “Today, we’re gonna interview the cutest girl in UA, Uraraka Ochako.” The camera panned over to Ochako’s bed, where the girl was in the middle of a nap. That didn’t stop Himiko from holding up a microphone to her face. “What are your thoughts on blood? Do you think it’s cute, or really cute?

“Uraraka!” Iida and Izuku yelled simultaneously, both rushing up the stairs to help their friend.

Meanwhile, Jiro and Kaminari remained seated on the couch, watching Himiko’s interview get interrupted when sounds of banging started erupting from the door. “Shoot. Guess I have to cut this interview short. Don’t worry, Ochako, I’ll be back soon. Don’t bother changing the lock on your door, I’ll just get in through the window.

“Okay, we’re telling a teacher about this.” Jiro stood up from her seat, deciding that enough was enough.

“Yeah, we probably should.” Kaminari moved to follow her. As entertaining as the news network was to watch, their friend and classmates being put in danger because of it was taking it a step too far. “We can link them to Spinner’s page on investigative journalism.”

“He has a whole page for that?”

“Yeah, but it’s not very noteworthy.” He pulled up the page on his phone and showed it to Jiro.

Stain was right. Hero society is corrupt. And jow that he’s gone, hwe should all turn to Shigaraku to lead us into the new age of society. Heroes are out, gamers are in. Spread the word to everyone. Gamers rise up!

———————————————

Class 1-A weren’t the only ones watching the League of Villains’ livestream. From the top floor of Shoowaysha Publishing Headquarters, a blue-skinned woman sat at her desk, seething at her phone. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing right now.

“League of Villains Independent News…” Chitose mumbled. “Fuck… it’s genius. Why didn’t I think of that?”

No matter. She might’ve lost the battle, but she could still win the war. She had more journalistic integrity than anyone else at that network, and she would show everyone where the real news came from.

“I just need to find their on-scene reporter. Let’s see what happens when the interviewer becomes the interviewee.”

Notes:

This idea came from the unhinged minds over at The Aquarium Discord Server. Join and become a Pancake Lover today, and maybe you can help influence my next unhinged creation.

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