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Kira woke up with a gasp. Her body shot upright and she grabbed a fistful of her bedsheets just to feel something. Sweat covered her body, thick enough to form an uncomfortable layer on her skin, and she shivered when the breeze from the AC tickled her skin. She glanced at the clock: 3:28 am. This was the fourth time this week that Kira hadn't been able to sleep the full night. She contemplated lying back down and forcing herself asleep but she knew it was no good. Even that didn't work anymore.
By the time the clock struck 6 am, Kira had already been dressed and ready to go. The sun was barely up, winter season, but her eyes burned as if she had stared deep into its deadly rays. Even when she blinked, she could see her father's face, staring with disappointment. The nightmares were worse. He moved, spoke, and never once was it in her favor.
‘You have, growing up to do,’ It was the first thing she heard every night. Sometimes she wasn't even at the wooden home, sometimes they were at school or the beach house. Riri was always there, mocking Kira with her silence. They may have shared a father but they didn't share his love, Kira knew that. Some nights, Arkadi told her that he never wanted to give her the seat on the board. That Riri was always his first pick.
His insults cut deeper than any whispered comment she's ever heard. He tore into her self-esteem, picked apart everything she's worked so hard to make as if it were as important as a kindergarten drawing. Kira could never move. She could only stare. And that was the worst part. There were times when she wanted to yell at him, defend herself, and her accomplishments but her body never complied. Other nights, Arkadi brought up Yumeko.
Kira shook her head, blinking a few times to wet her dried-out eyes. Footsteps moved around in the distance, signaling the rise of Riri. Bright and early as always. When Kira glanced at the full-length mirror hung on the wall, she murmured a soft swear. Her appearance looked pitiful. Eye bags dark enough to match her hair and the strain from staying up was visible in her eyes, and thin red lines that connected from her pupil to the edge of her sockets.
How disgusting, Kira thought, but she couldn't bring herself to stop looking. Arkadi's voice swam in her head once more.
“You are not strong enough to lead.”
“If you were such a leader, you would be able to face your fears.”
“Sometimes, I do not even recognize you as my own.”
When Kira blinked, a tear ran down her cheek. She wiped it away and finally turned from the mirror. She can do better than this. Be better than this. Kira rose. So she tried to be better.
She had to be better.
Tonight she woke up already crying. Arkadi slapped her over and over again, spewing hateful comments about her whining and her childish behavior. Nobody ever helped her up in these dreams, not even Riri. She just stood and stared as Arkadi put his hand on her shoulder. Initially from the breeze, Kira's body shook, but after she curled further into her bedsheets, she began shaking from her crying. She cried on her pillow, hiccuping and clutching the blankets like they could protect her from her own self-pity.
She wished she could speak in these, maybe tell Arkadi off for being a shit father. ‘You're never around’, she'd say. ‘How do you expect me to be loyal to someone who won't put the effort in to see me?’ To see his face would've been cathartic. But alas, she was mute and he had stolen her voice.
It was 2:43 am when she was woken up this time and she wanted to die. This time, it was Riri.
“You're a terrible sister.”
“How could you do that to me?”
“I've always been at your side, and that's what you think I deserve?”
Hearing Riri speak instead of Arkadi was somehow worse. On top of that, Kira felt like she was deteriorating. The lack of sleep was destroying her. She couldn't stand straight without swaying and her eye bags became more prominent. When she had a free moment, her eyes would naturally drift shut to chase a feeling of relief that only came from rest. Suki had noticed her eye bags and offered a concealer, Free Range Cosmetics of course, but she turned it down. Instead, she hid in the Student Council lounge, away from the students and away from their gambling. She watched the cameras and sent Dori after whoever was being particularly pissy.
Kira hadn't spoken to Riri since the nightmares started. At first, when Riri saw she was getting the silent treatment, she would sit next to Kira in those early morning hours. They wouldn't talk, Kira wouldn't even look at her, but Riri's presence said, ‘I'm here’. That just made things worse. Knowing Riri genuinely cared about her, even after Kira had choked her, just made Kira feel sick. But that didn't reassure her conscience that Riri wasn't like Arkadi. Not one bit.
“Hello?” Kira breathed in deep, startled, and blinked herself awake. Dori, who was waving her hand in Kira's face, took a step back. Dori, Runa, Chad, God even Riri, they all looked concerned. Kira attempted to sit up straighter in her chair but still ended up slouching.
“What?” Kira said.
“Um, what do you mean, ‘what’? You were talking,” Kira stared at the table, eyes unfocused.
“I was?” Kira mumbled. Dori glanced at the other two before motioning for Riri to go over to Kira. Riri looked over at Kira but didn't move so Dori threw her hands up.
“Alright, I'll say it,” Dori announced before she slammed her hands on the table. Chad jumped out of his chair and grabbed the armrests when he landed, shaking. Runa flinched and instantly looked irritated while Riri didn't even blink. Kira looked up as if the big bang didn't even happen. “You've been slouched over for days. Are you even sleeping?” Kira's head lulled back on the headrest and her eyes closed again.
“That's none of your business,” Runa removed her lollipop from her mouth.
“Hate to say it, but it is,” Runa said while crossing her arms. Kira looked at her, well, tried, but her vision was so hazy that she couldn't tell what animal onesie Runa wore. Was that a bear? A fox? No, maybe a penguin.
“Yeah, you haven't really ‘led’ any of us for like a week,” Chad said, settling back into his chair. “I mean it's great,” He added, “but still. You're the president. Very unprofessional,” Riri glared at him. He quickly broke eye contact and cleared his throat.
“If someone's bothering you, tell us,” Dori beamed as she dug out a knife from her belt. “We’ll take care of them,” Chad nodded and Runa made a hand gesture that meant ‘Beaver’. Kira breathed in deep and immediately slumped again, sleep sneaking its way back in. Dori groaned and reached to smack Kira's face but Riri stepped forward so she backed off. Riri approached Kira's chair and put her hand on Kira's shoulder, waking her sister up.
“We're worried,” When the feeling of Riri's hand registered on her shoulder, Kira slowly turned her head to find it. She looked up at Riri, then down at her hand, and then she laughed shortly.
“Sure you are,” Kira bristled and Riri took her hand off, taking a step back. Kira glanced around the room before waving them all off. “Get out,” Chad looked at the other girls, and when they didn't move, neither did he. Dori sighed and put her knife away.
“Kira,” She started, walking up to Kira's chair, “we're just trying to-”
“Do not make me repeat myself,” Kira snapped. Dori halted and looked at Kira, eyes soft in an uncharacteristic way. Kira hated that; hated feeling like the look was pity. Deep down, she knew it wasn't but in her sleepy haze that didn't matter. Dori was the first out of the room. Chad followed and Runa left after him. Riri went over to the door and took one last look at Kira before she too, left.
“Good morning, Kira,” The smell of coffee made Kira lurch awake. She covered her mouth and her chair scraped against the floor from the speed at which she stood up. Kira didn't bother sleeping that night and opted for drifting into a light sleep in her presidential chair. She didn’t have the strength to face these dreams again. When she looked at the clock, it read 5:58 am. The person standing in front of her with the cup of coffee wasn't Riri. It was Yumeko.
“What are you doing here?” Yumeko smiled.
“I'm checking on you.”
“At six in the morning?” Yumeko held the coffee cup for Kira, an offering. The coffee smelled strong enough to wake someone up from a coma.
“I made you coffee,” The next whiff of the cup caused Kira's stomach to curdle and she winced. Yumeko's smile paused as she watched Kira protect her nose and motion the cup away.
“Get that away from me,” Per Kira's demand, Yumeko set the cup on a table in the corner. When she came back over, Yumeko's gaze was fixed on Kira's face. The puffiness beneath Kira's eyes caused her to frown.
“Riri told me you haven't been sleeping,” Kira scowled. She crossed her arms and tried to keep her head high but ended up leaning on the wall for support.
“Like she cares.”
“We all do,” Yumeko cut in gently. She moved closer to Kira and held her hands in front of her to imply that she wasn't here to hurt her. Kira leaned her head on the wall and shook her head. Although she smiled, she was far from humored. It looked self-deprecating.
“I can't sleep,” Yumeko listened. “Every night, it's some nightmare about my father... I haven't slept the full night in days,” The confession had Yumeko gazing at Kira with soft, inviting eyes. Yumeko knew better than to put her concern on display, Kira had a hard time accepting help. Even becoming partners took some effort.
“I can see that,” Kira shut her eyes, sighing. They reopened and struggled to lock onto Yumeko's. Kira had never looked so wounded or defenseless. “Have you tried sleeping pills?” Kira scoffed.
“I don't want to sleep,” She pushed herself off the wall and tried to brush past Yumeko but Yumeko grabbed her arm. Kira attempted her usual glare to ward her off, but it lacked any real bite.
“Let me help you,” Yumeko held Kira's stare, unfazed. Her main focus was getting their president to be able to stand on her two feet without swaying, which she was currently doing.
“I don't think you can,” Yumeko hummed.
“Want to bet on it?” Kira chuckled as she shook her head.
“Funny. Not this time,” She peeled her arm from Yumeko's grasp and started to walk to her office. Yumeko watched her go, and once the door shut behind Kira, she poured the coffee out and left.
“I'm heading out,” Mary announced while stuffing her bag with clothes. “I'll be gone all night,” Yumeko said, looking up from her hands and nodding at Mary. She had been thinking about Kira's dilemma for hours, workshopping ideas in her head. Yumeko needed something that would stop the dreams, not put Kira to sleep. It was way harder than she thought. She watched Mary reapply some lipstick in her hand mirror, puckering a few times before putting it away.
“Where are you staying?” Mary hesitated before she answered with a shrug.
“With a friend.”
“Hm,” Yumeko hummed. She looked away and out of the window. Having the room to herself was rare, Mary didn't like to leave the room when she wasn't betting. She thought harder. If Kira could go to sleep, then Yumeko needed to distract Kira's subconscious enough so she dreamt of something else. Since Mary would be gone for the night, tonight would be the night she helped Kira with her nightmares.
“And you'll be gone until dawn?” Mary nodded, adjusting the straps of her bag. She shifted the weight into a more comfortable position.
“That is what all night means,” Yumeko smiled. Perfect. Mary watched as Yumeko's smile widened and her lip curled in disgust.
“Oh gross, don't have a boy over,” What? Yumeko blinked and turned to Mary.
She tilted her head and asked, “Why would I have a boy over?” Mary squinted, confused, before she shrugged and motioned at Yumeko's face.
“Why else are you grinning?” Yumeko considered her answer carefully. She wasn't going to expose Kira's situation, that would be too cruel. Her eyes glinted with something far more mischievous.
“I'm having a girl over,” Yumeko answered softly. Mary froze, eyes widening. Yumeko stood and began to organize her side of her room, humming a cheerful tune beneath her breath.
“Oh. Wow, um... I didn't know you were-” Yumeko clasped her hands together and twirled, unknowingly cutting Mary off. Mary stared, jaw ajar while Yumeko flung open her closet door and took out her favorite sleepwear.
“It'll be so much fun!” With Yumeko now preoccupied with making their room look presentable, Mary sighed and rolled her eyes.
“You go, girl. Just don't be too loud, these walls aren't as thick as they look,” The door closed behind Mary as she left, shaking her head. Yumeko didn't decorate the room, but she swept the floors and cleared her desk of anything Kira might consider litter. Once that was done, Yumeko twirled on her heel and made her way to the council office.
Yumeko slammed her hands on the armrest of Kira's chair, causing Kira to jolt awake. She grabbed the armrests to steady herself but when she felt Yumeko's hands under her, she jerked hers away. “Kira. Sleep with me,” Kira's eyes snapped to Yumeko.
“What?” She hissed.
“Sleep with me. Tonight. Mary will be gone until morning. We'll be all alone,” Yumeko moved closer to Kira while she spoke. If Kira were more conscious, she would've answered faster than she did.
And her answer definitely wouldn't have been, “Pfft, great plan. But I will not be a sleep-needy bottom for our first time,” Yumeko's eyes narrowed for a second and when she smiled, it looked unsure.
“That's an interesting way to describe it,” Kira noticed the confusion across Yumeko's face and sank into her chair. She realized that maybe they were talking about different things.
“What are you talking about?”
“Sleeping in my bed while Mary’s out. I always dreamt better when I knew my parents were with me,” Yumeko straightened and held her hands together behind her back. A pulse of pink appeared on Kira's cheeks as she lowered her head to hide her blush. Two very different things. Kira rubbed her eyes and laughed at herself.
“Ugh, God, I really need some sleep,” Kira said before continuing to chuckle. Yumeko sat on the armrest and settled her hand on Kira's, squeezing as if to remind herself that Kira was still awake; alive.
“I know,” She glanced at the floor. “That's why I want to help you,” The two locked eyes as Kira stopped laughing. “No bets. No strings,” Everywhere except for Yumeko faded into the background. If it weren't for the lack of sleep, it would've been from a different kind of heartache.
The kind that made that special someone the center of your world. This was from sleep, as Kira nearly toppled over when her head felt too heavy. Yumeko quickly caught her, wincing as she held Kira up by her chin. “Please let me help you,” Kira sighed before holding Yumeko's hand and taking it off her chin.
“I trust you,” Kira murmured. Yumeko nodded; that was all she needed to hear.
The adrenaline rush came from sneaking Kira in. Kira didn't want people to think that something else was happening, especially after her embarrassing misunderstanding. Thankfully, most students were already asleep so their shuffling went unheard. When they made it inside, Kira analyzed the room before letting out a quiet hum in approval.
“Looks like you cleaned,” She turned to Yumeko. “Trying to impress me?” Yumeko smiled at her before taking her hand and leading her to the bed. Kira let herself be led and she practically sank into Yumeko's bed when she lay down. Yumeko cut the lights and started to get in with her. Kira moved over, her side pressed against the wall as Yumeko took the edge.
Yumeko's bed felt smaller with two people in it. Despite being on opposite ends, their arms still touched. Yumeko chose to ignore it, it did not matter to her at that moment, while Kira was staring at the contact like she was witnessing fireworks. She moved her arm and settled on lying on her back with her arms hugging her chest. Only her elbow made contact with Yumeko.
“You sleep like a corpse,” Yumeko commented. She reached over and began moving Kira around. Both arms were lifted off her chest, then her body rolled so she faced Yumeko. “That's more comfortable, don't you think?” Kira didn't answer so she nodded instead. Yumeko pulled the sheets over them and glanced at Kira who was already drifting off.
The decision to hold her hand was last-minute as Yumeko just went for it. If she had thought about it any longer then she wouldn't have done it. She figured if Kira thought about Yumeko when she went to bed, then maybe she'd dream about her. That would be better than dreaming of Arkadi. Besides, this was just to help Kira sleep. Nothing else.
Yumeko had a hard time believing that.
The sun peeked through the curtains and glossed the room in a crisp golden glow. Yumeko was already up by the time the clock hit 6:00 am. She started to sit up but paused upon feeling weighed down. Yumeko blinked, allowing her vision to adjust before turning to the source of the weight: Kira.
Kira was completely knocked out on top of her. Her head lay on Yumeko's shoulder, face nuzzled into her neck. One arm was draped across her body, her hand held Yumeko by her side, and their legs were tangled. She breathed heavily but not uncomfortably, like she was actually sleeping well. Yumeko smiled at the sight. Kira looked beautiful like this.
Yumeko looked away from Kira when she heard the sound of the doorknob turning. She watched the door open and Mary came inside, already smiling. When she saw Yumeko, she started to wave but when she saw Kira, she stopped.
“Holy shit,” Mary breathed. She covered her smile as she stepped further into the room. Yumeko set her index finger to her lips, a shushing motion, and Mary carefully closed the door. Mary took a few steps towards the bed, eyes locked on Kira. “No way, the girl was Kira?” Yumeko smiled. “Nice bag,” Mary went to her side of the room and started unpacking her bag. The room quieted when Mary finished and she sat on her bed texting.
Yumeko attempted to shift in the bed but as soon as she moved, Kira's hand tightened and she pressed her face into Yumeko's shoulder.
“Don't,” Kira muttered, still asleep. “Please,” Yumeko glanced at Mary, who was pretending like she wasn't watching everything, before leaning her head on Kira's. She closed her eyes and sighed with a smile. Yumeko would stay for as long Kira needed.
“I won't.”