Chapter Text
The Orange
At lunchtime I bought a huge orange—
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.
And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.
The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.
Wendy Cope, The Orange and Other Poems, 2023
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There was sunshine upon the Liffey that morning. A scent of new beginnings in the air, a whisk of excitement in the breeze.
Saoirse took a deep breath before entering the college grounds. Her last year here, at Trinity College, she could barely believe it. How much of her life had changed, how much she had grown as a person, the people she had met.
Talking about people…
“Hey, baby!”
Sean beamed at her like she was the sun to his moon, the brightest star of them all, or perhaps even an entire galaxy. That would be plausible with how much his eyes shone.
The worst part was that she knew she felt the same, still strong after years spent together. If she leant into her feelings, the words soulmate shaped around his name. She couldn’t handle that though, she was too young for this kind of thoughts. They both were. Still, the second he took her hand and kissed her, it was obvious, that they were made for each other.
“So… ready for our last year here? Can’t believe it…”
“Me neither, time flies…”
There were known faces all around though, and from afar she spotted a couple she knew well by now. Not friends, but mentors, definitely…
She smiled as she saw you and your husband passing by, a cup of coffee in your hands as you headed towards the English department, walking under the cursed bell at the centre of the square, but why wouldn’t you? The curse only stroke students during their finals, you had long-passed that stage of your lives. Now, walking hand in hand, sipping on your coffees and chatting happily, you were heading towards your office, probably, the one you had been sharing for years. Then, you’d probably work on your research, and later on teach a class. Saoirse needed to check her timetable. She systematically chose yours and Andrew’s classes. The best out there…
What was your life like? Sometimes Saoirse wondered, imagining herself in your shoes. A professor, in a big university, finding love in your colleague… fighting for women, studying and protecting their voices. Yeah… that sounded kind of neat…
Sean held her hand in his, walking across the square. Like Andrew held your hand. Were you as happy with your husband as she was with Sean? With this boy that had turned into a full man with her by his side, gentle and caring and with so much love to give. Maybe he’d hold her hand too if she crossed the square one day, heading to teach a class…
What was your life like now that you were married? Were you happy, or… Saoirse should ask herself: were you as happy as you seemed to be? Could she be as happy one day?
Yeah, the future held many promises, and today they were all sweet and generous, like ripe plumps warmed by the sun…
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Andrew had already left when you were finally done with work and could go home. Tuesdays were your least favourite day of the week. You had classes in the morning, and Andrew was teaching all afternoon… if you could catch a moment together for twenty minutes over lunch, it was a miracle. You hurried to shut down your laptop, grab your things and aim for the door. While you hurried across the building, you read a text from Andrew.
Forgot to buy parmesan cheese and some red wine for tonight. Can you make a stop to Dunnes on your way home?
You heaved a sigh, every fibre of your body begging you to say ‘no’ and to go straight home, too bad for the cheese and the wine. But instead, you sent Andrew a thumbs up, and aimed your steps towards the exit leading to Nassau Street. It was easier to go to the Dunnes next to Stephen’s Green than to drive to the nearest town once you were almost home. It was but five minutes away, after all…
You hurried across the busy street, not stopping at the red light and instead hurrying to win your race against the incoming bus.
After your short detour to buy cheese and wine, you traced back your steps to pick up your car. You wondered what Andrew would be cooking tonight. Parmesan cheese and red wine… probably one of his pasta dishes… your stomach made a hungry grumble at the thought. These were always delicious…
You were lost in thought while you hurried down Dawson Street, slaloming between strangers, and yet a splash of colours caught your eyes. You slowed your footsteps as you passed before a flower shop, couldn’t refrain a smile as you looked at the delicate petals, smelled their sweet scent…
But the sunflowers, more than any other flower, caught your eyes. They weren’t that big, but their petals were a warm shade of yellow, their heart as brown as the earth after the rain. You didn’t really know why they made you think of your husband, but they did. Bright, radiant, earthy… yeah, that looked a lot like him…
You checked the price, heaved a sigh as you could feel your will caving in already. These were so gorgeous, and they would be so pretty in your living room…
You bought four of them, made a bouquet out of them with white daisies and pink dahlias. A messy bunch that smelled divine and cried to you about sunshine and life. A bright one… You rolled your eyes at your own sappy thoughts when you told yourself that it was as bright as your life these days.
You hurried out of the shop again, and were about to walk to your car, so you could finally go home, and yet your footsteps slowed again just a couple of metres further down the busy street. It was as loud as usual; near the park, a musician was singing Valery, barely audible above the humming of distant cars and the flow of conversations gliding down the lane. The rush quietened though, as your eyes lingered on tiny dresses, small jumpers, pastel-coloured tees…
You smiled fondly at the baby clothes exposed in the store front. The fabrics seemed soft and comfy. You couldn’t help but imagine a little girl wearing that blue dress, or that pair of red corduroy pants. Or a little boy, maybe, wearing that blue tee with a whale on it. Both of these imaginary children had Andrew’s eyes and hair…
You took in a deep breath, pushing away the thought that formed as you started walking again, your steps hurried, but instead of longing for a destination, your pace was one of an escape now.
Your heart quickened, but the sudden rush of fear was not caused by the surprise that this kind of thoughts should have produced in your system. In reality, you had already pictured these little children… around the house, in your garden, at Andrew’s parents, in the park… You pictured them more and more these days.
What did it mean? And more importantly… Could you tell Andrew about it?
********************************************************
When you came home, you almost dropped all the things you had to carry. From your backpack that was sliding down your shoulder, the small bag with the cheese and wine, your flowers, your keys…
You managed to take off your shoes and hurried to the kitchen to drop your cargo safely on the countertop.
“Love! I’m home!” you called, your voice ringing through the house.
Padded steps hurried down the hall, but it wasn’t Andrew. You turned to welcome your dog first, as Elwood sprinted towards you, his tail moving at a surprising speed while he excitedly made little jumps around you.
“Hello, my boy! How are you?”
You greeted him with scratches, cooed about how much of a good boy he was. You saw socked feet stopping near the door. A low chuckle filled the room, made your heart warm and erratic.
“Well… hello, my love.”
You looked up, to find your husband grinning down at you, a softness you knew all too well in his gaze. He looked tired, a bit of red in his eyes behind his glasses, a little frown, a messy bun. He had already changed into comfortable clothes, his old Thin Lizzy t-shirt and a green pair of sweatpants. You couldn’t help the tidal wave of fondness that overcame your senses at the sight. He looked warm, soft, domestic… himself…
He tilted his head a little, leaning back against the doorframe and crossing his arms before his chest.
“So… Elwood gets all the love, and I don’t even get a hello?”
You laughed, rolling your eyes at him while you stood straighter again.
“Well… he is our son…”
“Technically, he’s my son and only your step-son.”
You faked outrage, a hand on your heart.
“How dare you?! Elwood, baby… don’t listen to your da… he’s talking nonsense…”
Andrew laughed, held out his hand for you to come closer. You hurried into his arms, let him hold you tightly to his chest and bury his face into your neck.
“You’re okay, love? How was your day?”
Your entire body relaxed under his soft touches, the circles he rubbed into your back. You grinned at the question. Simple, familiar, the one he asked every day, without fail…
“It was okay. First lesson of the year… you know how these are. It’s always a little weird to find my footing. But so far, it went fine. What about you?”
“Same… Nothing much happened…”
He kissed your neck, took in a deep breath.
“I’ve missed you today,” you admitted.
“Tuesdays suck,” he nodded, and you chuckled into his chest.
“Yeah… I can’t see you at all… it sucks.”
He hummed in agreement. But then, he let out a surprised breath.
“What are these?”
You followed his gaze behind you, and finally remembered your flowers.
“Oh! These are for you!”
“For me?”
You nodded, offering him an excited smile while you moved across the kitchen to pick up his gift. You handed him the flowers, and he couldn’t refrain a grin.
“These are gorgeous,” he hummed in approval.
“Saw them when I was coming back from Dunnes… they made me think of you. Or well… the sunflowers did… I just added a few flowers to make a bouquet.”
“That’s so nice of you, darling. Thank you.”
“You like them?”
“I love them. Thank you!”
He bent down to kiss you, his lips making you forget about the world. He kissed your forehead too, before pulling away with a happy wiggle.
“Gonna put them in some water! Oh, and you got the ingredients I needed, then?”
“I did.”
“Thanks, hun! Gonna start making dinner now, then, while you shower. Is that alright?”
“That’s perfect, thank you.”
You didn’t tell him about that moment before the baby clothes. It wasn’t even important, just silly thoughts…
… right?