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Kit stared out over the jungle. It was the afternoon. The sun filtered through the canopy to where he sat, leaned back against Drax's hut.
His head hurt. The kind of hurt that potions didn't fix. Dull horrible aching deep in his skull that warped his senses. Made everything too loud. Too bright. His head felt hazy. Heavy.
Time felt.. thick. He vaguely aware of how he was staring without seeing, how hazy his vision was, how his eyes weren't focused. A faint, distant recognition that his body was.. different than it was supposed to be. Not tense. Not relaxed. Just. Frozen. Like a doll perfectly posed.
He felt his fingertips twitching through the miles of distance between his awareness and flesh.
His eyelashes fluttering. No, heavier, twitching.
Very faintly. In the back of his mind. Far, far away. There was a faint glimmer of recognition. Just.
Oh. It's happening again.
He felt a warmth, a thick dread in his chest, and his head bobbed forward a little, trying to go limp before snapping back. His skull smacked against the wall with a dull thud. And he was locked in place once more. His head at a different angle now. It hurt to hold it this way, but he had little say in that.
His body flinched as a loud thump shook the platform. He was suddenly staring at legs, massive, Drican legs.
Drax. The dread grew. Flooded into his lungs. That distant, hazy feeling screamed in the fog. Look up. Smile. Don't be frozen. Be nornal. Show him you're o-
"Kit, Are you okay?" Drax's voice made his body flinch again. A jerk deep in his chest. His head hung at that half cocked, painful angle. He wanted to look at him. He couldn't get his eyes to move.
They didn't blink. The dread got thicker. He had to say something. He was stuck. He needed to show him he was alright.
"..Kit?" Drax's voice colored with concern. The dread got so thick it spread the numbness, the dull, glassy, "doll-ness" to his chest. That inhuman, inanimate stillness. He had to focus to breathe. And after a few, tiny, shallow breaths, even that didn't work.
His head dropped, his body slumped over. There was a thud. Time went slow, fast, in flashes of thick gasping. Begging, screaming in silence. In numb, hazy silence. Limp, gasping Silence.
Get up. Breathe. Smile. Be okay. You're scaring him. You're scaring him! Just get UP!
His body didn't listen. It thrashed. Thick, choked gasps flooding his body whenever his body decided it wanted to live. The violent convulsing of his chest, his back. His eyes fluttering. Limp and tense and so horribly far from any crumb of control over any of it.
He only registered that his head had been bouncing on the floorboards when he felt a warm, strong palm replace them. Another on his arm.
The panic swelled, suffocating him. Flashes of screaming. Yelling. His sternum ached for phantom tortures. His eyes fluttered, time split and warped. One breath, one gasp, Drax. The next, a faceless mass pressing their knuckles to his chest. Ordering him.
"Wake up. Get up. You're waisting my time."
Another gasp, his ears were ringing. His eyes flicked up, strained, ached with how far they tried to roll back into his skull. His back arched and spasmed, those choked, horrific gasps fading in and out of his hearing. His lips were buzzing, numb. Tingling.
His face was tingling. That dull recognition felt it probably had something to do with the fact he wasn't breathing. He was supposed to be breathing. Why couldn't he just breath?
"Kit, Kit, baby wake up. Mate?" Drax's voice carried through the fog. Echoed.
FAILURE. GET UP. GET UP. YOU'RE SCARING HIM. HE SEES IT. HOW FUCKING BROKEN YOU AR-
Another gasp. His throat ached. His chest ached.
He was cradled against Drax's chest now. He didn't remember being moved. The shaking was worse. It hurt. It felt like his body was trying to rip itself apart. Drax's big arms holding him tight. Holding his head in his hand.
Drax wasn't speaking common anymore. Kit could feel the man shaking. Wondered why. What he was so afraid of. The dread flared so hard he gagged. Another gasp.
He wasn't speaking. He was singing. Soft. His voice low, strained, panicked, his hand petting Kit's head.
"Shhh.. it's okay, I got you. I- I got you." His voice blended with the song. Kit blinked in that slow, flickery way, confused as to how he could hear his singing and speaking all at once.
YOU'RE FUCKING INSANE. IT'S ALLL IN YOUR HEAD JUST STOP IT, STOP IT.
Another gasp, another gag, his stomach lurched. His body shuttered, another gasp. He was breathing. Deep twitches and spasms rocking his small frame within the confines of his lover's arms.
"It's gonna be okay, Kit.. please be okay.. breathe. Breathe."
Kit breathed. His hearing faded in again, time started moving.. not normally, but less choppy. The convulsions calmed to mean, deep twitches.
He blinked, his hand came up to cover his eyes as a groan pulled from deep in his soul.
"Fuck.. fuck that hurt.."
"Everything hurts.." his voice was muffled and wobbly, he couldn't tell if it really sounded that way, or if it was just the ringing in his ears.
He had to wake up. Had to comfort Drax. Had to show him he was okay. He needed to stop whatever this was. Apologize. Prove he was going to be okay.
He felt Drax's thumb, warm and calloused, wipe at the wetness on his face. When had he started crying?
"It's gonna be alright.. I got you." The scent of Kit's mate flooded him, like the sense had turned on all at once. At first it felt like a hot iron in his brain. Then it eased into something softer. Warm. Something that broke him.
The dread felt hotter. Buzzy. Different. And it was pouring down his face. His arms wrapped clumsily around the back of Drax's neck, his face shoved into that familiar crook of safety hard enough to make his head spin.
His body shook with violent sobs, his claws digging at Drax's back. The Drican winced, but took the pain without complaint, his arms tightening around his little mate.
"It's okay." His voice was drowned out by a scream that never reached the air, a silent, open mouthed breath, hot and agonized against his shoulder. Then his his little love went limp. The good kind of limp. Controlled. Exhausted. Not a dead doll. Still breathing, thank the gods. Nuzzled up against him. His body heavy and weak.
"It's okay." It's all Drax knew to say.
"I'm . I'iii'mmm okaayy.." Kit slurred out, his words drawn out and stuttery.
"No." Drax spoke firmly, holding his love closer, feeling him breathe. "No. You're not. It's okay."
There was a moment of hesitation before Kit nodded a little against his chest. The silence stretched. The soft rustling of trees. The screaming ringing in his ears. But he was breathing.
"... I have to pee.."
"I will take you to pee."
".. okay..
.. I'mm m sorry."
Drax grit his teeth. He had to keep himself from holding any tighter, not wanting to crack the smaller man's ribs.
"Never be sorry for this." His voice held more venom, more hate than he had felt in.. well.. he couldn't remember. Not at Kit. Never at Kit. But he felt Kit flinch at the tone, and his hand moved to rub his back, a silent apology.
His voice softened, pleaded. "Please, Never."
Kit took a small, shuttering breath, and gave a little nod, wincing when he was sharply reminded how much moving made everything hurt.
".. thank you.." his voice came as weak as he felt. Drax pressed a kiss to his head. As gentle as he could be.
"You do not need to be strong right now. I am strong." Kit felt more tears bubble and fall as his foggy, achy head processed the words. After a long moment, he snorted, the little half laugh cut off by a pained groan. Then a whisper. So soft Drax almost missed it, muffled into his tunic.
"..yeah.. okay."