Chapter Text
Loid heads for La Cathédrale, mind racing and set on figuring out just how troublesome this new relationship might be. It hasn't escaped his notice, the way the drifter and Roathe interact. In fact it's all he can notice. Every time he calls for her to help in the sanctum, be it quelling the murmur or helping him with his research she always ends up spending at least some time with the Devil.
Of course she’s subtle about it, usually she will go in to spend time chatting with Marie or helping Lyon with his studies, but her eyes always find him. Quick glances, snarky remarks, a soft laugh and barely noticeable blush, it's all there. Loid knows the feeling. He's terrified and yet completely certain you feel the same way about Roathe that he feels about Albrecht.
He's never asked you directly because he knows you would deny everything. "I don't have time for romance, I'm too busy saving your ass" you'd say with nervous laughter and dismissive shake of your head, "Besides what could we possibly see in each other, he might as well be from another world". You would never say you hated him, and Loid knew that you knew loving him was a terrible idea.
He agrees to some extent, Roathe is the Devil of Tau after all, a true destroyer without mercy, ever an Orokin. He spent countless ages plotting and murdering to gain anything he felt he deserved. Scheming and lying his way to the top of a corrupt society.
Roathe is ... nice, as far as Orokin go. Frankly he didn’t expect to hear anything good about him when he asked you. He fights for what he wants with a passion and determination that most would have lost by now. He counts what he has and works with it before taking needlessly. He's loyal beyond what Loid expected, learning that his troops would willingly sacrifice themselves for him, well it certainly put him in a new light.
And now, despite his past and his upbringing Loid sees how he treats you. To any one else they would see him treating you like any other, just like Marie and Lyon. But he can tell he thinks highly of you. The lingering looks when he thinks no one is watching, the snarky remarks right back, a hidden smile whenever he hears you were going to be stopping by. The fact that he makes a point to never ignore you, making sure to respond to anything you might be saying, no matter how insignificant.
Loid saw it in Albrecht, and now he sees it in Roathe. Albrecht was unlike others when it came to affairs, albeit business or personal. Every action he took was purposeful, he never did anything rash. But Albrecht was also terribly confusing and secretive, if he didn’t know him so well Loid would say that he cares for no one but himself. He knew Roathe was like that too. Loid was afraid that he saw you as nothing more than a means to an end. As nothing more than a human to an Orokin, a tool to pass the time.
Loid stilled his thoughts as he entered the cathedral. Walking through the portal and past the rows of pews into the darkened chapel. It was late, he supposed, due to Marie and Lyons absence, the two workspaces abandoned for their more comforting bed chambers. Luckily Roathe was still lounging at his usual spot, a book half closed in his lap with his head propped up in his clawed hand and eyes half closed looking lost in thought.
Loid walked in front of him, hands clasped behind his back and cleared his throat.
"Roathe, how fortunate I am to have you here like this"
Roathe glanced up to him, lifting his head and smirked,
“Like this? Loid you flatter me really, I didn't know you had it in you to be so bold"
Loid cleared his throat again to choke back any surprise that came up,
"Ah no, I… I was hoping to have a rather... difficult conversation with you. And I am just glad that we are in privacy"
Roathe tilted his head, "A difficult conversation hmm?" He chuckles softly and places the book beside him, "of course you would never come to me for a simple chat. Please, speak your mind, you have my attention".
Loid breathes in and out, needing to word this in a way that doesn't get him killed.
"I was hoping I could get your opinion on something.... or more accurately someone".
Roathe's tail twitches and his eyes narrow slightly. He tips his head towards Loid prompting him to continue.
"I have been dwelling on this for some time now, and I want- no- need to understand". He needs to be blunt or else the words will never leave him. "What do you think of the drifter"?
Roathe leans back in his chair, confusion dancing across his features. A small laugh escapes him and he locks eyes with Loid.
"That's what has been eating away at you? Why I had no idea you cared so much". He shakes his head "What is there to think about."
"Well anything really, her powers, her past, ...her", He pauses.
Roathe’s tail twitches again and the mood shifts.
"Her"?
"Oh- well yes. Do you think of her as a friend"?
He lets the question sit between them. The tension was so thick you could slice through it.
"Or- or- well perhaps something more".
Now you could simply tear the tension apart. With the way Roathe is looking at him it's clear he wants to tear something.
"I'm not exactly sure what you are trying to imply Loid, but I know you did not just ask me that"
Oh dear. Now is not the time to lose one's nerve, the question has already been asked, there is no turning back now.
"I only ask- only because- you know I care about the drifter. And she does far more for us than she needs to. I don't want to see her get hurt trying to help someone who doesn't care".
The tension doesn't ease.
"Do you assume I would be so quick to hurt her if it suited me"?
"No- no I don't. I actually assume you might care about her as much as I do. Maybe more".
His throat goes dry and he's not sure what Roathe is thinking now.
"I'm not here to say I know what you feel, I'm here to ask if you know what you're feeling- and if I need to be- concerned".
That draws an incredulous laugh from Roathe. He stands up from his chair and closes the distance between them.
"If I know what I'm feeling? If you need to be concerned? Please spare me this lecture. I don't owe you my thoughts about the drifter, or about anything for that matter".
"So you do think about her".
"I-" Roathe stares daggers through Loid, face taught with something he can’t quite make out.
"It doesn't bother me that you do... well it actually does- but I am willing to look past that because I know she thinks about you as well".
That admission surprises Roathe more than he thought it would. His face softens and he looks back at him in disbelief.
"I know what it's like to love someone you shouldn't. To look at someone evil and still see the good in them. The drifter looks at you the same way".
Roathe has never been more disarmed in his life. Loid just looks at him, seriousness leaking off him and pooling like acid at their feet.
"If I'm right, and she has started to fall for you, I need you to feel the same way. Or I can warn her now and forgo all this trouble".
"If? Have you spoken to her about this"? His voice is low, intimidating.
“Not directly. I figured I would worry you with it before I brought it to her attention".
Silence settles once more as Roathe takes in all that has been said.
"Then what makes you so sure this conversation is needed? You haven't confirmed her feelings for me, if there are any at all. She has no reason to attempt any sort of a relationship with me".
It's true Loid hasn't confirmed anything with words. But the way you look at him, and the way he softens at the mere mention of you. He is certain you two feel something. It might not be the best course of action, but the idea that you both could be missing out on something real and good. That opportunity should not be passed up, not if he could help it.
"She has her reasons, Roathe, I'm sure of it. Love doesn't have to be rational. I don't pretend to understand, in fact I'm sure my Albrecht and I seem irrational from the other side, but it works for us, and it’s real”. Just thinking about it made his heart ache. “You need to set aside whatever it is you think she feels about you and focus on what you know. Don’t regret anything”.
Loid lets his words hang in front of them, he fears he went too far when Roathe doesn’t react. They stare at each other until Loid can’t take it anymore. He shifts uncomfortably and bows slightly to Roathe before turning to leave back to the comfort of the Sanctum. His footsteps echoing off the stone walls as he reaches the portal the only comfort Roathe is left with as he is consumed with what was finally spoken into reality.
***
Roathe can only growl in annoyance. Of course Loid is right about all this. He does care about the drifter more than he'd like to admit. He drags a hand down his face and moves to his desk to lean against it.
The drifter is unlike any one he has ever met. In all his centuries with faces fading into the background and voices echoing into the monotony, she stood out to him. He doesn't understand her at all, yet he desperately wants to. To him she is a hero, The Savior of the Origin System, an Angel. He is the Devil, so far from grace he wonders how she can even stand him. She is so selfless, taking the weight of all the terrible things the universe has to offer. Saving the Origin system time and time again, from planet to planet, every helpless person is heard. The Zariman, Fortuna, Cetus, hell even the problems back in 1999 are heard. Even Duviri, even him.
It makes him angry. Knowing that despite all of that she keeps going, keeps deciding to be kind. There is no corrupting that drifter, he shouldn't even be entertaining the idea. No, his joyless life as a murderous concubine made sense. It's empty, devoid of real purpose or pleasure, what he deserves. The memories they’ve unlocked mixed with what he can remember, he knows he has done his fair share of terrible things. No amount of wanting to be better will undo centuries of pain inflicted or chaos reigned.
And yet his Usurper stays and tries her hardest to fit his pieces back together. It's selfish of him really, to let her try. He doesn't believe he can be fixed, but he would let her do anything to him if she wanted. It's strange, he's never wanted someone to be so close to him, to see him at his lowest. ‘To look at someone evil and still see the good in them’ is what Loid had said. He shakes his head, how could she possibly look at him and see any good at all? What does she gain from these cosmic therapy sessions she has with him? What does she think she can find that he doesn’t already know about?
She angers him that way too, how she makes him forget himself. He is Vice Regent Grand Carnus Roathe, he takes what he pleases and lets no one stop him. He could make her his easily to put a stop to this feeling that leaves him in agony. Pull out his charm and make her fall head over heels for a night with him, like Loid is afraid of. It would be so simple, something he's done hundreds of times before.
But something in him doesn't want just a night with her. He doesn't want to use her and then discard her. He wants.... more.
The realization terrifies him. He pushes up from the desk harder than he should have and scoffs. He loves no one, not even himself. It should stay that way, and everyone will be better off for it. He turns to finally retire for the night, yet he doubts he'll get much sleep.
******
Morning comes too soon and yet not soon enough. The rest of the day draws out like that too, and he is consumed by his thoughts. Back in his usual chair listening to Lyon and Marie praying for what seems to be the umpteenth time today.
He wonders if the drifter ever believed in any gods, and wondered if she prayed. If she ever got down on her knees and– No. He banishes the thought. He really shouldn't be thinking about her like this. Not that he hasn't thought like this before… but now it feels different.
As they finish their prayers he gets up and graces the bookshelves, searching for anything to occupy his wandering mind. He must have been looking for too long because a voice from behind him sounds,
"Ah Devil, you seem terribly distracted today", Lyon says, slightly less annoyed than usual. "You have been awfully quiet".
Roathe turns and gives him a confused look. "Oh Lyon I had no idea you missed the sweet sounds of my voice that much, you're usually begging me to shut up".
Lyon rolls his eye, "I welcome the silence from you. But it is concerning that there seems to be no reason for it".
"Not to mention you have been very fidgety, tail and all. It is peculiar is it not"? Marie chimes in, gesturing him up and down. "It is clear as crystal that something is bothering you".
Damn it all, he spends far too much time with these two. And damn his tail, whipping back and forth with irritation. He smoothes himself out and picks a random tome to go back to his seat.
"Please spare me your judgement Marie, you know it could be nothing but you two bothering me".
They give each other unsure looks, both clearly not believing him. Although they rarely did, this time it's apparent. Fortunately and rather unfortunately they leave him with his thoughts.
The day continues on like this as he tries to focus on anything but her and fails with every new page he turns. His two companions continue on with their studies completely unaware of his inner turmoil.
At some point Lyon grows frustrated, rummaging through the books and pages on his altar, searching for something specific before he gives up and turns to Roathe, sighing heavily.
“The third tome is missing from my research, you haven’t taken it have you Devil”?
“What could I possibly want with your research Lyon? I have enough of my own without adding yours to the boring mix”.
Lyon sighs again, “It’s not my research, it’s the old Entrati textbooks on Eternalism, I seem to be missing one of them”.
Marie chimes in, “The ones from Loid? Oh Lyon, perhaps he forgot one! You know his desk is not the most organized of places”.
“Of course Marie, ever a light in my darkness”, He shoots a last glance at Roathe before leaving to exit the cathedral.
Roathe settles back into the book he wasn’t reading just as Lyon comes back through, no book in sight, but not disappointed. He says something to Marie just out of earshot and she squeals. Roathe can’t help but be curious, not much gets her so excited.
“Anyone want to fill me in on what could be so exciting about not finding the thing you were searching for”?
“Oh Devil, such a delightful turn of events! It seems Loid doesn’t know where the book is either”!
“Right, and that’s good news is it”? Roathe asks even more dumbfounded at Marie’s reaction.
Lyon calmly turns to him, “Yes it is in fact, because Loid has sent word to the drifter to help him look within the Sanctum”.
Marie laughs again,” Which of course means she will be delivering it to us! Oh how long it has been since she’s had a chance to drop in”.
Roathe’s stomach drops. Marie was right, it was high time the drifter visited again. But the idea that it would be today is not what he wanted. Not when his thoughts were this all over the place. He needed a plan. The fact that he didn’t already have one was eating him up inside. She shouldn’t be making him feel this way, he should be collected and precise. It’s not like he’s in love with her, unlike what Loid was trying to imply. It’s a passing thought and nothing more, they will never be more than friends, if they are even that.