Chapter Text
“Knock knock!”
The blonde drama teacher whipped her head around, her curls flowing with the movement, and Helen’s eyes settled on the woman’s gorgeous face. Her mouth parted, but no sounds came out, and Helen was momentarily stunned by the beauty of her new co-worker.
“Can I help you?” the woman asked, raising one eyebrow.
“Uh,” Helen cleared her throat and stepped inside the classroom, her heeled boots clacking on the tiled floor. “I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Helen Sharp, the new English teacher.”
A pair of ice blue, judgmental eyes swept over Helen from head to toe, making her squirm. The light blue button-down shirt Helen put on that morning struggled to contain her chest in a flattering way and her hour-glass figure was accentuated with a pencil skirt. She thought she looked professional, the claw clip holding her long red hair at the back of her head completing her ‘first-day-look’.
After assessing Helen’s outfit, the blonde’s gaze landed on Helen’s blushing face. “I’m Madeline Menv–” she cut herself off, squaring her jaw. “Ashton.”
“Nice to meet you,” Helen smiled warmly, reaching out to shake her hand.
Madeline glanced down at the proffered hand and slowly grabbed it for a simple shake that lasted less than two seconds. “You too.”
Helen took a moment to look around the classroom, noting the lack of decorations and posters. Her room across the hall had almost every inch of wall used by art, posters, and word-play games, the entire room colorful and bright. “Haven’t had a chance to decorate yet?” she asked. “I can help if you need it. I’m a bit of a busy bee and got all my decorating done in one day. I’m sure it wouldn’t take much time to–”
“No, thank you.”
The words were blunt and final. Helen blinked and looked back at the other teacher, seeing her flipping through some sort of document. Beside the document was a large yellow envelope, a lawyer's name stamped on the front. Helen was naturally curious, but Madeline was obviously busy and Helen was interrupting her time. Sheepishly, she scratched a faux itch on her upper arm and began towards the door. “Right, uh, well, let me know if you change your mind. I’m just across the hall.”
Madeline didn’t even acknowledge the woman, her eyebrows furrowed deep and her plump bottom lip caught between her teeth. Helen frowned, finding the woman a bit rude, and finally walked out of the room.
A few weeks had passed since school began. Students were warming up to Helen fairly quickly, seeming to enjoy her different way of teaching. She had met some other co-workers and got along with a few fellow English teachers, but there was only one person with whom she was dying to become better acquainted.
Madeline Ashton was a mystery that Helen desperately wanted to solve. She was stern with her students, but each kid respected her greatly. Helen didn’t think the blonde was mean per se, but one time during Helen’s planning period, she heard Madeline’s voice rise across the hall, reminding her classroom full of juniors to call her ‘Ms Ashton’. Helen noticed the stiffness of the blonde’s posture and the exhaustion on her face, and felt her stomach flutter with the urge to comfort the woman she had barely known. It was clear Madeline was going through something and that made Helen all the more empathetic.
At the first staff meeting of the year, Madeline sat in the front of the room. Helen almost took the empty spot beside her, but Chagall, the Vice Principal, had swooped in. Helen scarcely refrained from pouting and took a seat next to a very charismatic choir teacher named Stefan. She hit it off with him, spending the entire meeting trading barbs and drawing doodles on the edges of the staff memo they had received upon entering.
Every now and again, Helen glanced to where Madeline sat, seeing the woman furiously texting on her phone. She was surprised neither Viola nor Chagall asked her to put the device away, especially after Viola expressed such distaste for phones and asked to refrain from using them during staff meetings.
“Who are you staring at?”
Helen jumped at the hiss of Stefan’s whisper in her ear. She blinked rapidly and turned her head to face him. “What?”
Stefan smirked. “Is it Madeline?”
Heat rushed from her chest to her face and Helen tucked her chin, avoiding eye contact. “No.”
He giggled, nudging her with his shoulder. “Don’t worry, all newbies are fascinated by her at first. She’s stunning, crazy talented, and–”
“A total bitch.”
Helen startled at the new voice coming from the other side of her. The older woman had a slight accent and Helen remembered she was the Art teacher. With a sharp bob, a bold red lip, and piercing eyes, Helen felt a shiver run down her spine at the intimidating woman.
“Lisle,” Stefan admonished, voice a fraction above a whisper.
“What?” the woman replied, expression all innocent, her shoulders shrugging. “It’s true. She may as well find out now rather than later.”
Helen frowned when Stefan didn’t disagree. Her eyes landed back on Madeline. The theater teacher had her lips pinched together tight, her cheeks red with what Helen assumed was fury. Her manicured nails tapped endlessly on her phone, the press of her thumbs on each letter becoming more and more harsh as she typed.
“She was kind of rude to me my first day,” Helen mumbled. Stefan and Lisle snorted in amusement.
“Honey, you must have caught her on a really good day,” the choir teacher said softly. “Yesterday she called me a talentless, pathetic waste of space.”
Helen gasped, but Stefan seemed to be fine with the cruel words. Lisle snickered beside her and she swiveled her head around to see the woman covering her mouth behind her hand.
“That’s nothing,” she whispered. “She and Coach Weathers bumped into each other in the hall the other day and I swear she made him piss himself just by glaring at him for scuffing her Jimmy Choos. I think I saw a tear in his eye and everything.”
Stefan and Lisle continued to giggle quietly together and Helen sat in utter confusion.
“Lastly,” Viola’s voice boomed from the front of the room. “Homecoming is just around the corner and since it was like pulling teeth to get volunteers for chaperones last year, I’ve created a new system. I will be assigning teachers to each dance this year.”
A round of groans sounded throughout the room.
Viola spoke louder over the staff, silencing them. “If you are unable to attend the date I’ve assigned you, then you may switch with a co-worker, but each staff member must chaperone at least one dance this school year. Chagall will email a list of who is assigned to which dance, but I will go ahead and tell you who has the privilege of chaperoning homecoming right now.”
Chagall handed her a piece of paper and Viola nodded in thanks. She cleared her throat and began listing off names.
“Janine, Christopher, Andrew, Marissa, Madeline, and Helen.”
“What?!” Madeline shrieked.
Viola ignored the outburst as she folded the paper in half. “Meeting adjourned.”
Everyone began standing, chatter and complaints filling Helen’s ears as she pushed her chair in. Another shrill sounded and the redhead looked to see Madeline and Viola in a stand-off. Co-workers filed out of the room and Helen would have followed, but she needed to get the leftover sandwich she had for lunch out of the fridge. She bid her goodbyes to Lisle and Stefan and meekly made her way towards the front of the room, the conversation between Madeline and Viola becoming clearer.
“This is bullshit, Vi. I’m not doing it.”
Viola sighed, nonplussed with Madeline’s attitude. “I can’t make excuses for you this year, Madeline. Need I remind you I’m the reason you still have your job here?”
Helen’s eyes widened as she opened the fridge door, trying to look discreet as she gathered information that was definitely none of her business.
“How long are you going to hold that over my head?” Madeline growled. “I thanked you once already, I’m not doing it again.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.”
Helen spotted her brown paper lunch bag, her name written on it with a purple marker, and she delicately pinched it between her fingers to avoid making any sound.
“This fucking sucks,” Madeline whined, her tone shifting from pissed to pained.
“Hey, I only assigned you once,” Viola said gently. “After homecoming you’re free.”
Helen closed the door of the fridge.
The sound made Viola and Madeline aware of Helen’s presence and she froze in place, clutching her lunch bag in front of her.
“Helen,” Viola greeted her with a smile that made Helen feel all gooey inside.
“Viola,” Helen nodded, voice trembling. “Ms Ashton.” She swallowed thickly when Madeline only glared in reply.
“Are you settling in alright? I hear wonderful things from your students and their parents.”
Helen blushed, fidgeting with her lunch bag. “Oh, that’s good. I’m doing just fine, thank you.”
“Wonderful!” Viola clapped her hands together happily and Helen nearly jumped out of her heels at the sudden sound. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, ladies…” The principal walked past Helen with a departing smile, leaving Helen and Madeline alone in the staff room.
It didn’t take even one second for Madeline to start in on Helen once Viola was gone.
“Enjoyed that, did you?” the blonde sneered, arms crossed over her chest.
Helen blinked in confusion. “What?”
Madeline rolled her eyes. “Please, I know you were eavesdropping.”
Helen scoffed, lifting the brown paper bag in front of herself. “I was just getting my leftovers.”
“Sure you were,” Madeline replied with snark, lips twisted angrily.
Shaking her head, Helen turned around, muttering “Whatever” under her breath, and left.
Lisle and Stefan were right – Madeline Ashton was a bitch.
Madeline had spent the entire day angrily texting Ernest, who was doing his best to fuck up her life for leaving him. She knew she never should have signed that prenup all those years ago. And, to top the end of her shitty day off, her car wouldn’t start and her phone died in her hands right as she was making a call to AAA. It was the final straw that broke the camel’s back.
Tears streamed down her face as she leaned against her car. The incoming fall air was chilly, making her regret not bringing a jacket when she had left for work that morning. It was dark out, a few lights keeping the parking lot lit up and reminding Madeline that she was alone and stuck. She had stayed late to finish grading papers so she wouldn’t have to take them home with her and now she was trapped.
For a moment, she contemplated going back inside, wondering if she could spend the night in the teacher’s lounge. She didn’t have electricity at her apartment anyway, considering she had spent her last paycheck on rent alone. Ernest had all of her credit cards frozen and her legal fees were adding up. She felt like she was drowning.
Madeline sniffled, wiping tears away from her flushed cheeks, trying to remember if the doors automatically locked after a certain time or if she could sneak back into the building.
“Madeline?”
The feminine voice scared the blonde, making her scream and spin toward the source. Helen walked closer, frowning behind her yellow scarf. Quickly, Madeline swallowed her tears and cleared her throat. “What are you doing here?” Her tone was accusatory and she winced, seeing the way it landed on Helen’s face.
The woman stared at her, jaw set, annoyed. “I was grading papers,” she said, coming to a stop on the other side of the car. “What are you doing here?”
“Same,” she replied, shrugging nonchalantly. “I was just about to leave when you scared the shit out of me.”
Helen rolled her eyes. “That was unintentional.”
“Just like it was unintentional when you listened in on mine and Viola’s conversation earlier?”
What the fuck was she doing? This was the one person who could probably help her get home tonight. Why was she being such a bitch?
“Look,” Helen began, voice shaking with anger. “I wasn’t listening to your conversation with Viola. I was getting my lunch, like I said. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my couch and an episode of Unsolved Mysteries are waiting for me at home.”
The redhead spun around and Madeline panicked.
“Wait!” she called out, jogging around the car to stand in front of Helen. “Please just, wait a second.”
Helen looked at her with surprise written across her face and Madeline bit back a smile at how adorable she was with a beret on her head.
“I, um,” Madeline shuffled uncomfortably in place, shivering from the cold breeze. “My car won’t start and my phone is dead. And I don’t have any money for the bus.”
Helen’s features softened, her shoulders lowering half an inch. Madeline hadn’t even realized how tense they were until that moment.
“You need a lift?” she asked.
Madeline bit hard on her bottom lip, unwilling to voice the need for someone’s help, and nodded.
“Come on,” Helen tilted her head to the side. “I’m parked over by the football field.”
“The football field?” Madeline squawked. “Do you know how far that is from here? I’m in Louboutin’s, Helen. These aren’t exactly walking shoes.”
“Then these few hundred feet won’t kill you. Unlike the miles you’d have to walk to get home if I left your ass here.”
Madeline curled her lips in, grumbling under her breath at the very valid point Helen just made and followed the woman to her car.
Helen's fingers gripped the steering wheel tight. Madeline was sitting beside her in the passenger seat, the car filled with an awkward silence. Helen was never great at small talk, no matter how much she tried, but with Madeline it was even harder. The drama teacher was difficult on a good day; Helen had no clue what to say to her.
“I uh, I live on Richmond,” Madeline said softly, breaking the silence.
“Richmond?” Helen gawked. “That's like–”
“It's far, I know.”
Helen could see that the blonde at least had the audacity to look remorseful.
“My husband lost it when I told him where I was living,” she chuckled humorlessly.
Helen glanced at her. “You're separated?”
Madeline looked at Helen then, blinking rapidly as she realized she had spoken out loud. She closed her mouth, her lips in a firm line, and didn't reply. The awkwardness level increased and Helen let out a deep breath, searching her mind for something to say.
Finally, she blurted out, “How are you planning on getting to work tomorrow?”
Madeline was silent for a moment before she cursed softly. “Fuck.”
Helen frowned. “What?”
Sighing, Madeline rested her elbow on the car door, holding her head up in her hand. “I figured I'd call an Uber but my phone is dead.”
“So charge it?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I don't have electricity right now. In order to charge my phone, I’ll have to sit in the lobby of my apartment building until it has enough charge to make a phone call.”
Helen's eyes widened. “You don’t have electricity? Madeline, it's supposed to drop to 20 degrees tonight.”
“I have blankets,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.
Helen shook her head as she came to a stop and flipped on her right blinker.
“We need to turn left,” Madeline said, confusion in her voice.
“I'm taking you to my place,” Helen stated firmly. “You can spend the night and charge your phone there. In the morning you can call AAA and I’ll drive you back to your car.”
Madeline looked like she was about to panic as she twisted in her seat, her eyes wide and hands waving at Helen dramatically. “No, no. You really don’t have to do that.”
Helen tried offering her a kind smile, wanting to put her at ease. “I know I don’t have to. I want to.”
“You want me to spend the night with you?” Madeline shrieked, her voice rising higher in pitch with each word.
Helen quickly shook her head, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “No! I just– I want to help–” She took a deep breath. “I have a guest room! And food and electricity. I can’t just drop you off at a cold apartment or let you spend the night in the lobby so your phone can charge, Madeline.”
Helen rolled to a stop outside of an apartment building that no one on a teacher’s salary could afford on their own (unless they had Sharp money). She sighed and put the car in park, turning to face Madeline. “Let me help you. Please.”
Madeline stared at Helen, appearing skeptical and confused. “What do you want in return?”
Helen’s heart sank, surprised by the question. She was all too familiar with giving herself away to someone only to receive nothing in return. She spent her entire life trying to live up to her parent’s expectations, but never once did she receive a pat. Everything she had accomplished was met with disapproval. In Roger and Virginia Sharp’s eyes, their daughter was nothing but a disappointment. She recognized the vulnerability Madeline had in her eyes and her chest tightened with the urge to comfort the woman.
Shaking her head, Helen replied, “I don't want anything. I just wish to help.”
Madeline swallowed audibly, her face wary and eyes jumpy. She looked at the extravagant apartment building once again before she licked her lips and took a deep breath. “Thank you. I'd appreciate that.”
Madeline didn't know what she was doing. She was somehow in her new coworker's apartment, sipping tea while she and Helen waited for their takeout to arrive. The redhead had gone to change into comfortable clothes, leaving Madeline to sit awkwardly on the couch while the television played a rerun of a sitcom from the 90s. Her phone was slowly charging in the kitchen and Madeline felt herself itching with the need to do something with her hands other than hold the steaming mug of tea.
“I have some clothes if you want to change,” Helen said softly as she entered the living room.
Madeline looked up to see the English teacher wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. The straps of her bra peeked out, the black color a pretty contrast to her light skin and the blonde averted her eyes the moment her gaze landed upon Helen's cleavage. “Uh, yeah. Thanks,” she muttered, setting her tea on the coaster on the coffee table.
Helen nodded. “They're on the bed in the guest room. Last door on the left. The bathroom is just before it.”
Before Madeline could reply there was a knock on the door and Helen rushed off to answer it. Madeline practically jogged to the bedroom. When the door closed behind her she leaned her back against it, taking deep breaths and trying to calm her racing heart. She had no idea what spell this redhead had over her, but she was enchanted by her gentleness, her kindness, and her stunning beauty. No one had ever been so sweet to Madeline without expecting something from her in return. Madeline hadn’t shown the woman an ounce of kindness or respect since the day she introduced herself in her classroom and yet Helen was going out of her way to help. It was baffling and made Madeline feel lightheaded with desire. And not just sexual desire, but also desire to get to know the woman better, to find out all she could about her and to wrap her up tight and never let her go.
“Madeline, food is here!”
She startled at the sound of Helen's calling voice and quickly changed into the shorts and t-shirt Helen provided. The shirt was clearly a man's, the material soft from years of wear and much too large for Madeline's (and Helen's) petite frame. On a whim she removed her bra, feeling her muscles relax as the tension released in her body. She gathered her clothes, deposited them on the bed, and then walked to the kitchen where Helen was plating their food.
“Your phone came back on,” Helen told her as she handed over a plate. “About ten texts came through and it rang once.”
Madeline bit her lip, glancing at the device as it buzzed on the counter with another phone call. “I'll, uh, look at it later.”
She could feel Helen's eyes on her as she took her plate to the living room, settling herself on the couch. Helen followed, sitting beside her, and they began to eat in an awkward silence, the TV the only noise in the room aside from their forks against their plates.
Madeline took the time to look around Helen's apartment. It was expensive, all the way down to the blankets draped over the back of the couch. Art adorned the walls, probably originals, and Madeline felt a tug in her chest, suddenly missing her own beautifully decorated home. When she had left Ernest, she had only packed a few suitcases and her mother’s antique flower vase. Her apartment walls were barren.
After their plates were cleaned and the leftover food put away, Madeline worked up the nerve to finally talk. She stood with Helen in the kitchen, her fingers pinching the cotton on her torso. “So, is this your boyfriend's shirt?”
Helen blinked in surprise for a second before recovering. “Uh,” she let out a soft laugh under her breath, towel drying a plate. “No. Well, yes, but he's an ex now.”
“Oh,” Madeline nodded, tilting her head at the flush painting the redhead's cheeks. “Recent breakup?”
This time, the laugh was audible, a snort following suit. Madeline has never heard anything more adorable in her life.
“God no,” Helen said, shaking her head. She set the towels down and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. Madeline's eyes were drawn to the way the position enticingly pushed Helen's breasts together.
“It's been, what, ten years?” the redhead continued. “And it’s not like I've been pining after him or anything; he was a man-splaining douche bag. I just like the shirt.”
Madeline had to ignore the flutter in her chest at the knowledge that Helen didn't seem to be attached to anyone. Before she could ask how Helen could afford such an expensive apartment on a teacher's salary, Madeline's phone vibrated again on the counter. She sighed, pulling the cord out from where it was charging the device and saw her soon-to-be ex's name on the screen.
“I'm sorry, I have to take this.”
Helen waved her off, sending her a comforting smile. “Take your time. I'll be in the living room.”
Madeline nodded, biting her bottom lip. She let the call ring as Helen walked away, waiting for it to stop before she took a deep breath, and clicked on the missed call.
Helen had just settled on the couch when she heard Madeline's voice from the kitchen. She quickly turned up the volume on the television, trying to give her privacy, but the blonde's theatrical voice carried.
“My phone died, Ernest! What was I supposed to do?!”
Helen winced at the angry tone, hearing the underlying pain beneath it. She couldn't help but continue listening, her curiosity too piqued. It was funny; Helen had denied eavesdropping on Madeline's conversation with Viola earlier, but now she was blatantly doing just that.
“No, I’m not coming home. My car died and… No. No, please, don't!” came Madeline's desperate cry. “Ernest, you’re acting ridiculous! All I did was leave, it’s not like I castrated you!”
Helen's eyebrows raised, her ears twitching with interest.
“I'm sorry,” the blonde choked out, clearly crying. “Ernest, please, I’m doing this for the both of us, I promise… Please, don't– I can't afford– Ernest… Ernest–”
It went silent and Helen's heart started pounding in her chest. Then she heard the sound of a muffled sob and she jumped to her feet in an instant. Despite wanting to respect the woman's privacy, she could not just sit around while someone was hurting in her home.
Helen rushed to the kitchen to see Madeline crouched on the floor in front of the cabinets, her hand covering her mouth as she cried. Her phone was beside her on the floor, the screen blank, indicating the call had ended. Helen slowly approached the grieving woman, not wanting to startle her, especially in such an emotional state. As she shuffled closer, Madeline opened her watery, bloodshot eyes and gasped, quickly wiping her tears.
“Oh, Helen,” she croaked out, sniffling and scrambling to stand up. Helen helped her by grabbing her forearm and Madeline jerked it back like she had been burnt. “I-I'm fine,” she insisted as she bent down to grab her phone. “This is… I’m not crying or anything. I just have allergies.”
“Madeline,” Helen said gently, her heart twisting at the pain in the woman's eyes. “It's okay to cry. I won't tell anyone. I promise.”
Madeline's lips trembled, her wary blue eyes filling with tears again. She swallowed hard, trying to keep it together, her breaths shallow and shaky. “I'm–” she tried to say, but the rest of the words wouldn’t come, her voice choking on a sob.
“C'mon,” Helen coaxed, holding her hand out, gesturing to the living room. “Let's sit.”
Madeline cautiously looked at her but ended up following Helen to the couch. She sat on the opposite end, pulling a pillow into her lap, hugging it to her chest. Helen gave her time to gather herself, not wanting to rush her in case she scared her off.
The drama teacher took a deep breath, running fingers through her blonde locks. “I’m going through a divorce.”
Helen figured as much given the things she'd heard. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Madeline snorted without humor, picking at a loose string on the pillow, her eyes downcast. “So is Ernest.”
Helen raised one eyebrow. “I take it he wasn’t a fan of the idea?”
“Nope,” Madeline replied, still refusing to look up.
Unable to stop herself, Helen asked, “What happened?”
This time, Madeline finally lifted her gaze and looked Helen straight in the eyes as she spoke. “Long story-short, he isn't a woman.”
Helen's breath caught, her eyelashes fluttering as she tried and failed to not visibly react. “Oh.”
Madeline glared, her lips pursed. “You have a problem with that?”
“No,” Helen quickly said, waving her hands in front of her in an attempt to put Madeline at ease. “I don't have a problem with you being gay, Madeline.”
The blonde eyed her momentarily before accepting her reply, her shoulder’s relaxing half an inch.
Madeline sighed heavily, picking at a string on the pillow. “I married Ernest to try and convince myself that I wasn't gay. My mother–” Madeline paused, her chin wobbling. “My mother did not approve of… well, anything I did, really. But she especially did not approve of queer people.” She looked at Helen, hurt written all over her features. “I suppressed that part of me for as long as I could. I tried so hard. I married a fucking man, for fucksake!” Her voice had risen with each word and she gripped the pillow in her lap hard, her knuckles turning white. “When she… she died last year, I had a breakdown and became addicted to pills. I wanted to stop feeling everything. I wanted to be numb. It got bad and I was almost fired, but Viola saved me and my job. I spent a month in rehab and because of the mandatory therapy, I was finally able to accept who I truly was. When I returned home, I confessed to Ernest and asked for a divorce.”
Helen reached out, placing her hand over Madeline's in a comforting gesture. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been.”
Madeline bit her bottom lip, nodding her head. She took another moment before speaking again, her voice a bit more steady. “Ernest lost it. He felt betrayed and lied to and I can't really blame him for that; as far as he was aware, we were happy and going to die together.” She shrugged, playing with Helen's fingers. “I left him when he refused to accept that I was gay and, since then, he has made my life a living hell.”
Helen squeezed Madelnie’s hand, encouraging her to continue and she warmly smiled when Madeline’s fingers squeezed back.
“I always worked, but only because I love teaching,” she said. “We didn't need the extra income since he's a doctor and makes more than enough to live comfortably. After I left, he froze all my cards, so now I live in a shitty apartment in a shitty part of town, and Ernest, a man who used to be kind and thoughtful, is doing everything he can to punish me.”
Another tear dripped down her face and Helen moved closer, wrapping her arms around Madeline's shoulders carefully. The blonde stiffened in her embrace but then melted into Helen, her sobs muffled against Helen's shoulder.
“I know he’s hurt. I know he’s lashing out at me because he’s trying to hold on to us, but I can’t live that life anymore,” she cried. “I just want to be myself. I th-thought that if– if I left that I'd be h-happier.”
“You will be,” Helen cooed, rubbing her hand up and down Madeline's back. “Just give it time, Mad. It will be alright. I’m sure things will turn out eventually.”
The drama teacher didn’t reply. She held tight to Helen’s waist, her sobs slowing as minutes went by. Helen continued to soothe Madeline's pain and eventually, the blonde pulled away from the embrace, wiping her tears and snot. She looked at Helen, a tiny smirk on her lips.
“Did you call me ‘Mad’ earlier?”
Helen blushed, embarrassed. “Sorry, it just slipped out.”
Madeline shook her head, smiling fully. “I like it, I think… Hel.”
The redhead grinned, her heart stuttering in her chest. Without thinking, she reached up and swiped her thumb over the curve of Madeline's cheek, clearing the streak of bleeding mascara away. Madeline inhaled sharply, her lips parted, eyes focused on Helen's face. Afraid she made her uncomfortable, Helen moved her hand away, lowering it down to grip Madeline's hand once again, holding it in her lap.
“You could stay with me?”
Madeline's eyes widened. “W-what?”
Helen's stomach twisted with nerves, cursing herself for blurting out something so wild when the woman was in such a vulnerable state. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that I have the extra room, and we can carpool to work in the morning so you can save up enough money to fix your car–”
“Helen,” Madeline breathed out, interrupting her as she shook her head. “I couldn't. You don't even really know me. I don't know you. Besides I couldn't live here for free, it wouldn't be right.”
Helen nodded, understanding. “Well, if you change your mind, the offer stands, okay? Even if you need a night away, you can knock on my door, anytime.”
Madeline tilted her head, looking like a very curious little kitten. “Why are you helping me? I've been less than nice to you since school started.”
Helen smiled warmly, squeezing the hand she was still holding. “‘Cause for some reason I like you, Mad. Bitchiness and all.”
The blonde giggled, her beautiful smile making Helen's fingers itch to pull the woman into her arms again.
“I think I like you, too, Hel,” Madeline said, lacing their fingers together.
Helen let Madeline borrow some clothes for work the next morning. She had apologized for the style, knowing Madeline wore more fashionable clothes, but Madeline was just grateful she wasn't returning to work doing the walk of shame. Her coworkers already had enough to say about her, she didn't need to add more to the gossip. AAA was able to make her car driveable again and the school day went on as normal. Despite her breakdown the night before, something she'd normally be embarrassed about, Madeline felt much lighter that she was able to talk to someone about her situation; other than Viola and Chagall who basically consoled her with a “life's tough” speech.
When Madeline got home after work, she spotted Ernest's car and stiffened, bracing herself for whatever storm she was about to encounter. Her keys jingled in her hand, her bottom lip already cracked from chewing on it all day. He noticed her walking up and hopped out of his car, meeting her on the stairway leading up to her building. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he was frowning deeply.
“Where have you been?” Ernest impatiently asked.
Madeline raised one eyebrow. “Work? Where else would I be?”
“Well, you didn't come home last night so–”
“I told you I wasn’t going to come home– Wait,” she paused, suddenly realizing the oddity that was his presence. ”Why are you here? Are you stalking me or something?” she shrieked, her body shivering at just the thought.
Ernest glared, exasperated with her theatrics. “I couldn't get hold of you for six hours yesterday, Madeline,” he said, his eyes holding something more than just anger. “I thought–” He stopped, averting his gaze, his jaw tight. “I was worried and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Madeline scoffed. “It sure didn’t sound like you were worried last night when you called to scream at me and try to take more money that I don’t even have out of my pockets.”
His cheeks flushed, his shoulders hunching in that way they always did when he was defeated. “I’m sorry for that. I was out of line. I overreacted.”
Madeline crossed her arms over her chest, looking at the run-down street she lived on, watching as a school bus passed by to drop off kids at the end of the block. “Look,” she choked out, overwhelmed with everything that had transpired in the last 24 hours, “I know you hate me. I know I fucked everything up–”
“Madeline–” he tried, but she ignored him, continuing on.
“But threatening me and ruining my life isn't going to make me come back.” She watched as the words settled in his ears, watched as the sadness fell into place in his expression, and felt her heart constrict.
“I know,” he whispered, looking down at his shoes instead of at her.
The breeze picked up, the fall air making Madeline shiver. She was still wearing Helen's clothes and her cheeks warmed with a blush, praying Ernest didn't notice she wasn't in her usual attire.
“Are you okay here?” he asked, glancing back at the shitty apartment building. “I was really worried, Maddie. This isn’t a good neighborhood and I thought something bad had happened to you.”
Madeline couldn’t stop her lips from twitching up into a small smile. Things between them were a complete and total mess, but she could see the Ernest she married still inside the man before her, his kindness and concern for her making her feel warm with familiarity. “It’s not great and I don’t have electricity right now, but it’s a roof over my head.” She watched as his mouth opened and she quickly lifted her hand, stopping him from speaking. “I am not coming back home, Ernest.”
“You could stay in the guest room–” he tried but Madeline shook her head, cutting him off.
She placed her hand on his forearm in a calming gesture, hoping her touch would be able to soothe him. “If I move back home, it will be a step backwards instead of forwards. We both need to move on, Ernest.”
Ernest sighed, his shoulders dropping, his head bobbing slightly with an accepting nod. “So, where were you last night?
Madeline shrugged. “I stayed too late at school. My phone died and then I had car trouble, so I stayed with a friend last night.”
He furrowed his eyebrows and Madeline's hackles began to rise. Ever since she left him, he’d become paranoid of everyone she would hang out with, convinced there was someone she was leaving him for.
“Which friend?” he asked, skeptical.
Relying on her acting skills, Madeline stared him in the eye as she replied, “Viola.”
Ernest's eyes flicked back and forth between hers, searching for a lie. After a moment, he slowly nodded in acceptance. “Well, I'm glad you're alright,” he said softly. “And uh, I’m sorry again for what I said last night. I didn’t mean any of it.”
A small weight lifted off her chest, her features softening. “Thank you.”
The air between them became tense and awkward. A siren went off another street over, a dog barked in someone's backyard, the sounds of the neighborhood filling the space between them.
“I should head in,” she said, tilting her head towards her apartment building. She began to walk past him, taking one step up the stairs, but his voice stopped her. Madeline turned, the height of the step making her eye-level with her husband.
“Uh, Maddie?”
She could immediately see the vulnerability in his eyes and she tilted her head, encouraging him to continue.
“It wasn't… it wasn't anything I said or did, was it?” he asked.
Madeline shook her head and smiled, a soft laugh escaping her throat. She reached out, resting a hand upon his cheek, and leaned in, Ernest meeting her half-way so she could place a gentle kiss upon his lips. It felt like a goodbye and Madeline felt a lump of emotions form in her throat as she pulled away. He had tears in his hazel eyes.
“No, Ernie,” she told him, wiping her lipstick off his mouth. “You did nothing wrong.”
Weeks passed and before they knew it, homecoming was one day away. The students were eager, barely paying attention in class, ready for the big game later that night. Madeline was grading papers in her free period when she heard a roar from the students across the hall. She glanced over to see Helen telling her students something, her hand gestures wild and her eyes sparkling in excitement. Madeline's belly swooped, a grin forming on her lips at just the sight of the woman.
Helen's red hair was straight, hanging long and silky down her back. She was wearing an orange jumpsuit, the main color for their football team. The outfit showed off her curves, the neckline low enough to show the slightest hint of cleavage. Her glasses were in her hair as she spoke to her students, the frames keeping the loose strands away from her face. Madeline felt her fingers twitch with the urge to touch, wanting to feel the softness of Helen’s fiery hair. She stared off in a daze, her eyes watching her coworker's every move, her chest tight and aching. Her initial instinct was to suppress the feelings, but she pushed that urge away, letting herself revel in the sensations of allowing herself to have a crush on a woman.
And that's all it was, right? Just a crush. Not that she thought Helen was interested in her by any means. She probably just wanted to be friends.
Helen was sweet and gorgeous and kind. Madeline had never met anyone quite like her; or, rather, she never allowed herself to know anyone like her. She had always walked that fine line, keeping herself at a distance from any woman she was attracted to, afraid she’d slip up and show too much of herself to them if she got too close.
The bell rang and Madeline jumped, startled out of her gaze. She blinked a few times and noticed Helen was smirking at her from across the hall. Madeline blushed, embarrassed she had been caught staring and returned to her papers, trying her best to look casual.
“Hey.”
Her head whipped around to see Helen now standing in her doorway, arms crossed over her chest, her shoulder leaning on the doorframe.
“Hel,” she gasped. “Hi.”
Helen smiled and Madeline felt many things inside of her clench at once.
“Are you attending the game tonight?” the redhead asked, walking into the room.
Madeline watched as Helen sat upon the edge of her desk, her legs swinging back and forth as she waited for a reply. “Uh, um,” she stuttered out, her mouth flapping open and closed. “I wasn't planning to, no.”
“Well, you are now!” Helen exclaimed, deviously grinning.
Madeline furrowed her eyebrows, confused. “Uh, what?”
“Come to the game with me,” Helen shrugged, grabbing a pen off of Madeline’s desk that was very obviously the lesbian pride flag colors. “Let’s get in the school spirit. It’s like pregaming for the dance tomorrow.”
“Pregaming to me is taking two shots of tequila before a dinner with my in-laws,” Madeline said, deadpan.
Helen groaned, rolling her eyes and dropping the pen before she hopped off the desk. “You’re coming with me. Right now. Up!” She grabbed Madeline’s arm, forcing her out of her chair.
“Helen!” Madeline giggled, her heart racing.
“I’m not taking no for an answer, Mad,” Helen told her, grabbing Madeline’s coat off the back of her chair. “I’m not going to this game alone.”
Half an hour later, Madeline found herself at a high school football game, surrounded by students and parents in what she considered freezing temperatures. Helen had on a beanie with the school mascot on the front, her puffy coat swallowing her small frame, voice loud as she cheered on their team. Madeline couldn’t help but watch her, amused by her school spirit. The English teacher is the cutest thing Madeline had ever seen.
“I can’t believe you’ve dragged me here,” Madeline said, blowing on her cold hands that were bare to the cool air. “It’s a Friday night and I’m at a high school football game.”
“It’s fun!” Helen exclaimed, hopping up and down. She noticed Madeline’s hands and grabbed them in her gloved ones. “Where are your gloves?”
“I don’t have any,” Madeline pouted, her stomach swooping as Helen tried warming her hands up by rubbing them between her own. “They’re at my house with–” She stopped, not wanting to ruin the mood by bringing up her marriage.
Helen understood, though, and offered a gentle smile. “Well, here,” she said, tugging one glove off her hand and handing it to Madeline. “Put your other hand in your pocket and put this on so you can still cheer on our team.”
Madeline shook her head, doing as the English teacher said, and then began laughing when Helen lifted her own gloved hand in the air, loudly cheering. “You’re such a weirdo,” she said, her eyes sparkling with endearment.
“And you’re not cheering enough!” Helen whined, grabbing Madeline’s hand and shaking it.
Madeline rolled her eyes and lifted the hand Helen had her grip on into the air, forcing the other woman’s arm up as well as she dramatically screamed. Suddenly, a cold, gloveless hand slapped over her mouth, forcing Madeline to stop, and her eyes widened in shock, lowering their joined hands. Helen was leaning into Madeline, her green eyes bright with mirth.
“You just cheered the other team’s touchdown!” the redhead said, bursting into laughter.
“Well, how the fuck was I supposed to know that!” Madeline laughed.
“Pay attention!”
Madeline attempted to return her attention to the game, but her eyes couldn’t stop drifting over to the woman holding her hand, finding her much more fascinating.
Helen stood in front of the bathroom mirror of the staff bathroom, fixing her bold, red lipstick. She leaned away from the mirror, observing her outfit for the evening. The new black slacks were form fitting to her legs, the tucked-in button-up silk shirt a pretty emerald green that brought out the color of her eyes. She finished the look with a tailored black blazer and heels that added at least four inches to her height.
The school dance had just started and so far there was no sign of Madeline. Viola was irate, especially since Madeline was the one who gave her such grief for having to chaperone. Helen was disappointed; she and Madeline had so much fun at the football game last night. She really began to think that the woman could become a friend but then she went and pulled a stunt like this.
The redhead sighed, grabbing hold of her long red hair and twisting it up into a claw clip, leaving some loose face-framing strands around her face. She made her way back into the gymnasium where the music was loud enough to cause permanent hearing damage and the air so stuffy that Helen considered spending the evening standing in front of the giant fan placed in the corner of the gym where some students were currently reenacting a scene from Titanic. She crossed her arms and surveyed the room, laughing lightly at some interesting dance moves, when a flash of familiar blonde hair came running through the double doors.
Madeline was breathing heavily, her hair windswept and cheeks red. She was wearing a blue knit dress with a mock-turtleneck. It clung to her body like a second skin, showing every curve, hitting right at her knees,, a pair of black pumps helping accentuate the muscles of her toned calves. She had rushed straight to Viola, talking a mile a minute, seeming to be profusely apologizing for her tardiness. Helen’s eyes should be on the kids, making sure nothing inappropriate was taking place at the school dance, but Madeline was so distracting, so… alluring.
As if she could sense Helen’s gaze on her, blue eyes flicked over to the redhead and Helen’s breath caught. She quickly averted her eyes back to the students, her cheeks warm with the blush of someone getting caught. A few moments later, she felt the presence of someone standing next to her and the sweet scent of perfume invading her senses.
“Hey,” Madeline said, casually nudging Helen with her shoulder.
“Hey yourself,” Helen smiled, lightly elbowing her arm. “Are you okay? You kind of ran in here like someone was chasing you.”
Madeline let out a huff of laughter, crossing her arms over her chest as she kept her eyes on the students before them. “My car broke down a few blocks away. I sprinted, in these heels–” she kicked one foot out for emphasis, “all the way here.”
“Madeline,” Helen admonished her, turning to face her so she could catch the woman’s eye. “Why didn’t you call or text anyone? We could have picked you up. It’s dangerous–”
“Okay, stop,” Madeline said, holding a hand up. “I already got a lecture from Viola. I don’t need one from you.”
Helen tensed, clamping her mouth shut as she returned to her original position beside Madeline, putting an extra inch between them. She crossed a line, she could tell. The blonde’s shoulders were practically at her ears, her entire body rigid, her jaw tight. Helen wanted to say something, to apologize for over-stepping, but Madeline spoke first.
“Sorry,” she whispered, leaning in a little closer to Helen. “I didn’t mean to bite your head off. You and Viola are right; I should have called or texted, but I was convinced I could make it in time. I don’t like… I’m not good at–”
“Asking for help?” Helen offered, not unkindly, but still blunt.
Madeline dipped her head, sheepishly squirming. “Yeah.” Slowly, she lifted her head and looked at Helen, her eyes remorseful, lips prettily pursed.
“It’s okay, Mad,” Helen reassured her, reaching up to place a hand on the woman’s back, rubbing gentle circles between her shoulder blades in a comforting gesture. “I’m just glad you didn’t abandon me.”
“I promised I’d be here and I am,” Madeline said, leaning a little bit closer.
Helen nodded once, eventually dropping her hand back to her side. She immediately missed the feeling of Madeline beneath her palm, but stomped the feeling down.
“Ms. Sharp!”
Helen spun around to see one of her junior students, Holly, dressed in a pretty pink sparkly dress and a pair of black Converse shoes. “Hello, Holly,” she greeted the girl, smiling. “Enjoying the dance?”
“I am!” the young girl exclaimed, rocking on the balls of her feet with excitement. “I took your advice and convinced my friends to wear Converse with me!” She kicked her foot out, showing off her shoes.
“I’m glad,” Helen replied, nodding in approval. “Now you won’t have any annoying blisters to deal with.”
Holly beamed. “Right!”
A girl Helen didn’t recognize called out Holly’s name and the student looked over her shoulder, waving her friend away.
“Anyway,” she continued, facing Helen again, her cheeks pink with a light blush. “Thanks again for the advice. I hope you and Mrs. Menv– err, I mean, you and Ms. Ashton are having fun.” The flush on her cheeks deepened, especially when Madeline whipped her head around at the sound of her married name. “Okay, bye!”
Before Helen could reply, the girl ran off, sprinting to her friends who suspiciously kept looking back at her and Madeline. The English teacher glanced towards Madeline, seeing her lips drawn in a thin line, staring blankly at the crowd of teenagers in front of them.
“She likes you,” Madeline stated.
Helen grinned. “She’s a good kid.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Frowning, Helen watched as Madeline kept her eyes forward, her jaw shifting, shoulders pulled back. “What?”
Instead of replying, Madeline darted towards a few students who were getting a little too handsy on the dancefloor. Helen watched her talk sternly to the boys, her lips moving in a way that had Helen mesmerized. The drama teacher put a gentle hand on the shoulder of one of the girls, talking closely with her, her eyebrows furrowed together in concern. After a moment or two, Madeline began furiously shaking her head, her face flushing deep red. Helen raised an eyebrow, curious to know what the student was telling Madeline when the blonde let out a deep sigh, finally nodding her head.
The small group of students cheered in excitement and Helen watched as Madeline had them form two lines of four. She then stood in front of them, her fingers snapping in the air as she counted. As soon as the beat hit on ‘eight’, Madeline and the students began some sort of dance routine they all knew. Helen laughed lightly, eyes wide with delight as they all moved in perfect sync, the choreography theatrical and fun. It didn’t flow very well with the song, but it was still so fun to watch, especially when other students came over to watch, clapping and cheering the group on.
At one point, Madeline stumbled through a step and threw her head back, laughing loudly, sheer joy in her features. Helen’s belly swooped, warmth enveloping her, tingles tickling her fingertips. Madeline caught her eye at that moment and she waved her hand over, gesturing for Helen to join them. Helen held her hands up, shaking her head negatively and Madeline let out a huff, playfully pouting.
Helen groaned, finding herself unable to resist Madeline’s sad expression, and dragged her feet over. Madeline and a few other students who knew Helen happily shouted and gathered around Helen, carefully showing her the steps of the dance. It took at least two songs for Helen to get the choreography, her and Madeline clutching onto each other at one point as they laughed whenever she would trip.
After a while, the dance group broke apart, their interest waning whenever a particular song came on and a few kids rushed closer to the speakers so they could shout the lyrics with their friends. Helen and Madeline returned to their post, gasping for breath from the exertion of energy as well as all the laughter they shared.
Before Helen knew it, the dance was over.
“Need a ride?” she asked Madeline as the clean up crew entered the gymnasium, the lights brightening and causing the women to squint at each other as their eyes adjusted.
“Oh, um,” Madeline stuttered, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “That’d be great. Thanks.”
“Late night dinner?” Helen suggested. Madeline’s beaming smile was the only answer she needed.
They ended up at a diner that was open 24 hours not far from the school. Madeline had ordered pancakes which made Helen scrap her original order of eggs and bacon, telling the waitress she’d take the same. When the woman walked off, Helen leaned on her elbows on the counter, smiling at Madeline.
“So,” she began. “How are you?”
Madeline snorted, lips twisting into a smirk. “Hel, you basically see me every day.”
“True,” Helen acquiesced to that statement. “But we don’t necessarily talk every day. Aside from your shitty car, is everything else going well for you?”
Madeline bit her bottom lip, her eyes darting all over Helen’s face before she finally settled on dropping her gaze completely. Helen felt a rock settle in her stomach, beginning to panic with the idea that she over-stepped again. Just as she opened her mouth to apologize, Madeline spoke.
“I’m fine,” she said, voice small. “Uh, Ernest paid my electricity bills for the next six months.”
Helen's jaw dropped in surprise. “Oh.”
Madeline nodded, her hands circled the steaming mug of coffee in front of her that the waitress had placed on the table before taking their orders. “Yeah. We’ve been… things have gotten better recently. I think he’s finally moving on.”
Noting the way the conversation was making Madeline a little nervous, Helen reached out and placed a calming hand on the blonde’s forearm. “That’s good, Mad,” she said softly, tilting her head so she could catch Madeline’s eyes. “I’m glad he’s making things easier for you. And that you have electricity and I don’t have to worry about you dying of hypothermia in the middle of the night.”
Madeline blushed, a tiny giggle escaping her throat. “Please, if I were to die of anything right now, it’d be at the mercy of my car. That damn tin can is doing everything in its power to do me in.”
“You really need a new one,” Helen agreed, laughing along with her new friend. “Any chances Ernest comes around enough to buy you a new one?”
Madeline rolled her eyes, shaking her head, her lips curved into a grin. “Not anytime soon. Luckily, divorce proceedings have sped up now that he’s finally on board, though. By the time all of this is over–” she paused, her lips forming a pout as her eyebrows furrowed, “I’ll be even more broke. Shit.”
Helen snorted in laughter, hand covering her mouth at the embarrassing sound.
Madeline’s eyes widened with glee. “Are you laughing at my woes?” she asked, incredulous, trying hard to contain her own laughter.
“I’m sorry!” Helen said, still snickering behind her hand. “It’s just, the look on your face when you’d realized…” she trailed off and Madeline finally began to fully laugh with her.
A few weeks passed. Fall officially came and went, winter rolling in fast. Madeline and Helen were getting along splendidly, spending lunches together and occasionally hanging out outside of work. They had developed a real friendship, something Madeline hadn’t realized she really needed until Helen came along. Her crush was deeply rooted, but she did her best to look past it, not wanting to ruin the one good thing she had going in her life.
Divorce proceedings were going well. Ernest had his moments, but for the most part, he was being supportive of Madeline’s decision to divorce. They were becoming friendly again, something Madeline was grateful for because despite everything, he was a comfort; someone who knew all of her baggage and stayed anyway.
On a cloudy Saturday morning in early December, Madeline and Helen met up for coffee. They had recently realized that Helen did not live too far from where Ernest was still living in his and Madeline’s house. So, when Madeline mentioned to Helen that she was going to the house over the weekend to get some boxes Ernest had packed for her, Helen suggested they meet up and she’d come along after to help.
The house was mid-century modern. There was a pretty garden out front and the front door was painted a dark red, adding to the vintage look on the outside of the home. Madeline missed the house, wishing she and Ernest could have come to some agreement over it, but unfortunately, it was being put on the market soon. On some level, Madeline was glad she would be receiving some funds from the sale at least, but she hated to see the house being sold to someone else.
“Very pretty,” Helen commented as they approached the front door. “I sort of feel like I’ve stepped back in time.”
“Yeah,” Madeline grinned wistfully as she fumbled with her keys. “It was built in the fifties and Ernest and I worked really hard on keeping the character of the original house. We’re big fans of Old Hollywood.”
“Really?” Helen asked, smiling at the blonde. “I’m a fan of that era myself. A lot of great literary works came from that time period.”
Playfully, Madeline rolled her eyes, a hint of a grin on her lips. “You would think of books from the 50s rather than Marilyn Monroe or James Stewart.”
“What can I say,” Helen shrugged, watching as Madeline finally got the door unlocked. “I’m a nerd.”
“That you are.”
The two women stepped inside, seeing a stack of boxes neatly taped and labeled “Madeline” in Ernest’s handwriting right inside the entryway.
“Ernest? You home?” Madeline called out, encouraging Helen to close the door to keep the cold from getting in.
Footsteps were heard from above, the creaking wooden floorboards telling the age of the well-kept home. It really was like stepping out of a time capsule. The hardwood floors were pristine, the furniture also mid-century, but with modern flares. There was a den to the right of the front door, two steps leading down to deep blue carpeted floors. A piano sat in the corner, the two large picture windows shining sunlight like a beacon upon the piano bench. Framed sheet music and black and white pictures of Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra, Lena Horne, Marilyn Monroe, and more celebrities adorned the walls. There was a bar cart in the corner next to a record player and a leopard print sofa that somehow did not clash at all with the rest of the room.
“Oh hi,” came a voice from the top of the stairs.
Madeline and Helen glanced up to see Ernest walking down the stairs, a basket of laundry in his hands.
“Hey,” Madeline greeted him. “This is my friend, Helen.”
Ernest reached the bottom step and set the laundry basket down, his hand offered to Helen so they could shake. “Nice to meet you, Helen. I’m Ernest.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” Helen replied politely.
“We just came by to get the boxes finally,” Madeline told him, gesturing to the stack of boxes nearby.
“Oh, great!” He turned to face the boxes, grabbing one of them off the top stack. “I’ll help you load them into the car.”
“Did you ever find my mother’s wedding album?” Madeline asked.
“Uhh, no,” Ernest said, shifting the box in his arms. “But I hadn't had a chance to look in the attic yet.”
“Go ahead and go look, Mad,” Helen suggested as she reached for a box. “Ernest and I can load the boxes in our cars.”
Madeline bit her lip, looking between Helen and Ernest nervously, but Helen offered her an encouraging smile, and she turned to head up to the attic to look for the missing item.
It took almost twenty minutes for her to locate the damn wedding album in a box marked “Mom’s junk”. Part of Madeline felt bad for how the box was labeled, the other part of her laughed at her younger self’s attitude towards her mother. She didn’t necessarily want the album for her late-mother’s sake; she mostly wanted it because it was the only album filled with pictures of her father after a fire destroyed all the others when she was ten. He had died when she was six in a tragic car accident. That night had shifted Madeline’s entire world. Louise, her mother, became a mean, bitter woman after that and Madeline’s happy early childhood came to a screeching halt.
After she rifled through the box, she found the album near the bottom and let out a sigh of relief. She put the items back inside and closed the box up before she lifted it into her arms. As she descended the steps, she could hear the sounds of Helen and Ernest laughing and a deep frown etched itself onto her face.
They came into view at the bottom of the staircase. Helen had her head thrown back in a laugh, one hand on Ernest’s forearm, the other splayed across her cleavage. It looked as if Ernest had just said the funniest joke the redhead had ever heard. Once Madeline reached the bottom of the stairs, she noticed the deep blush on Ernest’s cheeks, his lips pulled back into a wide grin, clearly pleased with himself for making such a beautiful woman laugh.
Madeline practically dropped the box onto the floor, not caring of possible broken contents. The sound startled Helen and Ernest and Madeline noted how quickly Helen snatched her hand away from Ernest’s person, her fingers lacing together in front of her as she bit down on her bottom lip to contain her smile.
“What’s so funny down here?” Madeline asked, a bite to her tone and a fake smile plastered on her glossed lips.
“Oh nothing,” Ernest waved her off before winking at Helen.
He winked.
Ernest had winked at Madeline a lot in the early stages of their dating. She didn’t really enjoy it, finding the gesture gross coming from a man (the writing really was on the wall), and luckily he stopped doing it after they became more established together.
But Helen actually blushed.
There was a tint of pink forming on her cheeks, her green eyes becoming somewhat bashful as she looked away from the doctor. A rage began to fuel a fire low in Madeline’s belly, her jaw tight and her hands clenching into fists at her sides.
“Well!” she exclaimed too loudly, causing the other two people in the room to flinch. “It’s time Helen and I leave, I think. Ernest, could you be a dear and take this last box to my car?”
Ernest sent her a questioning look, noticing the way she was rushing them out of the door, but he nodded anyway and grabbed the box. Helen and Madeline followed him outside and Madeline barely spared Helen a glance before she climbed into the front seat of her car. She watched as Helen and Ernest shared an awkward goodbye, both of them clearly picking up on Madeline’s shift of mood, and she glared into her rearview mirror when she saw Ernest exchanging numbers with Helen as they stood next to her car.
Madeline slammed her palm against the car horn, once again causing Helen and Ernest to startle at yet another loud, unexpected noise. The blonde rolled her window down and leaned her head out, shooting daggers at them with her eyes.
“If you two are done flirting, I’d like to get back home with my stuff.”
Ernest rolled his eyes, bidding Helen another goodbye. Madeline felt like vomiting when she saw him open Helen’s car door for her. Her ex-husband turned to look at her once Helen was in the car, his frown deep and concerned.
“Maddie–”
“Goodbye, Ernest,” she said, abruptly cutting him off. “I’ll be in touch.”
As she backed out of the driveway and took off down the street, Helen’s car right behind her, Madeline felt tears form in her eyes. It seemed like months of work had just slipped down the drain in a matter of minutes. She was self-destructive, she always had been. She sabotaged anything that could possibly make her happy. It was like her vision went black and she would come to on the other side of utter ruin, wreckage left in her wake.
She composed herself before they arrived at her apartment. Her tears were dried up, swallowed down and buried inside. She and Helen worked in complete, tension-filled silence as they unloaded their cars, carrying box after box up the flights of stairs to Madeline’s apartment. Once their cars were empty, Madeline stood by the open doorway, her arms crossed over her chest, her expression hard and frozen.
“Thanks,” she said shortly, not even deigning to look Helen in the eye. “I’ll see you at school Monday.”
The dismissal was harsh; unnecessary and so unlike the Madeline she had become as of late. Helen stared her down for a moment and Madeline briefly thought the redhead would walk out on her, accept her childish behavior and escape. She'd probably avoid her at school, talk about her behind Madeline's back with the other teachers. Madeline would be isolated even more, especially since she had probably just fucked up everything with Ernest as well. She'd have nothing, no one–
“No.”
Madeline's head snapped towards Helen, seeing her close the apartment door before she crossed her arms over her chest, hip cocked out with attitude. Irritation was written across the English teacher's face and Madeline felt a stab of guilt in her side, knowing she was the one who put it there.
“No?” Madeline asked, spine straightening.
“No,” Helen repeated, shaking her head. “We are going to talk about why you acted the way you did towards me and Ernest.”
“Ernest and I,” Madeline corrected, and then, under breath, added, “What kind of English teacher doesn't know that?”
“Madeline.”
Defensive, Madeline waved her hands in the air, exasperated. “What do you want from me, Helen?!” she exclaimed. “You and Ernest were practically drooling over each other!"
“I have no interest in Ernest,” Helen replied, voice steady, firm. “I thought we were friends, Madeline? I wouldn't do that to a friend.”
Madeline began pacing, a hand pushing into her hair. They were still in their coats and the room was getting warmer by the second. “I saw the way you were looking at him!” she said, voice rising higher. “You were laughing and touching his arm–”
“He made a stupid joke!” Helen defended herself.
“Then why wouldn't he tell me why you were laughing?”
“Because he said you never found his jokes funny!”
She had a point there, Madeline had to give her that.
“Well,” Madeline scoffed and stopped pacing, arms back over her chest like a shield. “You exchanged numbers. What, did he ask you out? He's my husband, Helen!”
Having had enough, Helen stepped closer to Madeline, nearly backing her into a wall. “He's your ex-husband, and you left him because you're a lesbian!”
“Well, that doesn't mean you can have him!”
“I don't want him! I'm gay too!”
All of the air left Madeline's lungs. She gasped at the words, her eyes wide, blood rushing in her ears. Helen's nose was mere inches from Madeline's, the fire in her eyes raw and angry.
“Wh-what?” Madeline whispered.
Helen sighed, stepping back, the air between them suddenly cold with the distance. “I'm gay.”
“But… B-but you– You've talked about your exes before. They were all men?”
“Not all of them. And you were married to a man,” Helen stated, looking at her incredulously. “We all have a past, Madeline.”
Madeline's mouth clamped shut, her throat bobbing as she swallowed harshly. “Why didn't you tell me?”
Helen shrugged. “You looked like you were going to shit bricks every time you talked about your sexuality or your marriage. I didn't want to put pressure on you.”
Madeline blinked rapidly, trying to wrap her head around the information she just received. “Oh.”
And then, because she didn’t know what else to do, Madeline began crying.
Everything that transpired in the last hour hit her all at once, her fear of abandonment making itself known. Sobs unexpectedly escaped out of her fast. Madeline hadn't even realized her knees had given out until she was suddenly falling into Helen's arms. Helen held her close, her mouth near Madeline’s ear, soothing words whispered there as she tried walking them to the couch.
“I thought–” Madeline choked out once they sat down. “I thought he’d take you from me, that you’d abandon me for him. He really is such a good guy, he’s just–”
“Boring?” Helen supplied with a teasing smile on her lips. “Plain? Safe?”
Madeline wiped her nose on her sleeve, peering at Helen with red rimmed eyes, and let out a breathy laugh. She sniffled, her body slumping into Helen’s side. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Helen shook her head and began unbuttoning Madeline’s coat. She pushed it off the woman’s shoulders and Madeline sighed in relief as she no longer felt suffocated. Helen removed her own coat, tossing them onto the chair beside the couch, and drew Madeline back into her side, one arm around her shoulders.
“I know we haven’t known each other long, Mad,” Helen began gently, the vibrations in her chest as she spoke making Madeline’s ear tickle. “But I hope you can learn to trust me.”
Madeline swallowed, wrapping her arms around Helen’s waist, turning her face into the woman’s neck. “I’m trying.”
Helen hummed. “And I’m sorry too.”
The blonde frowned, tempted to lift her head to look Helen in the eyes, but she was too comfortable in their current position. “For what?”
“For not telling you sooner that I’m queer.”
Madeline forced herself to look at Helen at that. She shook her head, wiping the last of her tears as she put some distance between them. This was only the second time she and the redhead had been wrapped up in an embrace; Madeline desperately tried not to think of the fact that both times she had been in the middle of having a breakdown.
“You don’t need to apologize for that,” Madeline told her, her bottom lip pushed out into a pout. “You were right to not tell me, I think. I probably would have panicked more to be completely honest with you.”
Helen tilted her head and reached a hand up to swipe away a few stray tears on Madeline’s cheeks. Madeline’s heart fluttered in her chest, her stomach swooping at the gesture.
“Why would you have panicked?” Helen asked, voice gentle, soft.
Madeline bit her lip for a moment, looking away from the beautiful green eyes staring at her, a blush forming on her already blotchy skin. “Because I probably would have thought you were coming on to me and I’ve never actually…” She trailed off, her shoulders rising to her ears as she curled in on herself, embarrassed. She had ignored her attraction to women for so long and now that she was free to finally act on it, she found that she didn’t know what to do. She had tried flirting with some women since leaving Ernest, but it was harmless. Madeline was a flirt in general, nothing had come of it before or since. She used to be a professional at it, but now she didn’t know what to do with her hands, she questioned her posture, if her laughter was too loud or not loud enough. It was like she was sixteen again and her first boyfriend had asked her out on a date to the movies.
She was starting completely over and it was daunting; not only because she had been with the same man for fifteen years, but because she would eventually get to kiss a woman, something so exciting that it made her heart race just thinking about it.
“Hey,” Helen said, stern, gaining Madeline’s attention. “It’s okay, Mad. You’ve had a really hard year. Between losing your mom and finally admitting to yourself that you’re gay, plus the divorce…” She tucked a strand of hair behind Madeline’s ear, offering her a sweet smile. “Just take your time. You’ll figure it out.”
Madeline felt like crying again, her heart full of warmth for the person sitting with her. “Thank you, Helen. I’m really…” She swallowed around the lump in her throat, leaning into the woman more. “I’m really glad I have you in my life.”
Helen grinned, pulling Madeline back into an embrace. “Likewise.”
They sat cuddled together in a comfortable silence for a few moments when suddenly Madeline remembered something.
“Helen?”
“Hmm?”
“Why did you and my ex-husband exchange phone numbers?”
Helen hesitated before answering, which caused Madeline to look at her. “Uh, he was worried about you. He asked if it would be okay to swap numbers in case of an emergency since we have been spending a lot of time together lately.”
Madeline’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment before she softened. “He really is sweet, huh?”
Helen nodded. “You picked a good one.”
“Damn,” Madeline sighed. “I hate apologizing. I miss the old days when I could just give him a blowjob and move on.”
“Madeline!” Helen exclaimed as she cackled. Her head was thrown back, eyes shut with glee.
Madeline felt like she was floating on air.