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The boy didn't realize at first that anything was wrong.
Young as he was, he enjoyed his happy family- his mother, his father, his brother. While his brother played alone with their father, games that the boy didn't quite understand, he played more quietly with their mother, picking flowers and playing pretend.
Until suddenly, their father stopped playing with his brother, and barely looked his way again.
The boy tried his best to help his brother, who was clearly upset, all the time, just like how mommy did when he himself was sad, but it didn't work. His brother, lonely and betrayed, began to simmer.
But love did grow. His brother developed a fondness for him, taking him on little adventures and playing pretend with him- always Heroes, though, never Doctor or House or Dinosaurs like the boy did with his mother. If the boy knew anything about his brother, it was that he would be a Hero someday. He told him that every day-
“Fuyu-kun, I'm going to be a hero when I grow up! And don't you forget it!”
The boy always agreed with him-
“Definitely, Touya-nii!”
Then his brother would say something like,
“Maybe I'll let you be my sidekick someday, but you gotta be less girly!”
It did hurt the boy a little, just a little, whenever his brother called him girly, since he knew it was something his brother didn't like. But he also knew his brother loved him anyway, since everyday he would tell his brother,
“I love you, Touya-nii!”
And his brother never told him to stop saying that or that he didn't love him back.
As he grew up, entering school and progressing through grades, he began to realize that he really was quite girly. His boy classmates were all quite rowdy, like Touya-nii (who was ahead of him by one grade), but he never found a slot to fit himself in. They were all just a little bit alien, a little too hard to understand, and he stayed back.
Some of the girls liked him, but they were just as alien, if in different ways. He thought, naively, that if he's so girly then maybe he'd fit in with them? But while trying to, he learned that girlyness is relative, so relative, and there was still an unapproachable chasm between him and them.
Was there something wrong with him, then? He felt like there was something missing in his chest. A puzzle piece, taken out of him. If only he could find it, maybe he could be whole.
He remained by himself at school, only spending time with Touya-nii and their mother while at home, his only sanctuary.
And their new little brother, as well, who he took to caring for with gusto.
Touya-nii continued to smolder, his problems ignored and unresolved.
As they grew, his brother's teasing became routine, no heat behind it. (That heat was directed elsewhere.) It just became a fact of life- the sky is blue, grass is green, Fuyu-kun is super girly. They played games together all the time, bringing in their little brother, Natsuo, when he was old enough. Things seemed... good enough.
(He was still missing something, that emptiness which kept him feeling like an incomplete shell of a person itching more and more each day, but it was fine. He could handle it. His brothers needed him, after all.)
Then their final brother was born.
For reasons that he didn't understand, couldn't understand, Touya-nii was entirely opposed to baby Shouto's very existence, the infant a symbol of the neglect and abandonment by his father. His rage boiled over, for just a brief moment, and Shouto went away.
Not dead, but gone.
The three of them continued to grow, all changing in their own ways but still sticking together. They played things like sports, card games.
Computer games.
He hadn't paid much attention to the computer before that. He had a phone, sure, but he didn't use it much since he didn't have any friends. Mostly he just watched cooking videos, or sometimes anime.
But on the computer, he discovered forums. Entire communities. And in one corner of the internet, he found that piece of himself that he'd been looking for for so long.
But the puzzle, finally complete, wasn't what she'd wanted it to be.
How could this be who she truly is? She wanted to be whole, not... this. She'd only heard of those sorts of people in passing before, classmates laughing at men degrading themselves by draping themselves in facsimiles of femininity, insisting the world treat them as actual women.
But online, hearing from them firsthand, she realized it was so much more than that.
Their experiences- well, they varied, but so many of them felt exactly like how that lonely little boy had. And only when they transitioned, when they were happy with who they were, could they find the courage to find a place for themselves in the world.
She imagined herself as an adult woman. Beautiful, confident. But also humble, down-to-earth. Maybe caring for children? She loved children.
Yes, this was something she wanted for herself.
But she didn't tell anyone.
How could she? She had no friends outside of school. The only people who liked her, bar her teachers who kept a professional distance, were her mother, who was busy with Shouto, and her brothers. If she alienated her brother, she would have truly no one.
She couldn't risk it. Was Touya-nii one of those classroom boys who laughed at brave women, calling them silly men in dresses? Maybe. Possibly.
Better to stew in silence, at least for a while.
A while passed. Touya-nii's resentment began to boil more vigorously. He became more needy, more desperate for any scrap of attention from their father. He would talk to her at night, and Natsuo too sometimes, complaining about this and that. And how could she blame him? He had no school friends, she'd come to realize. Their mother was increasingly neurotic and unavailable, beginning to crack under her husband's unrelenting pressure. She and Natsuo were the only people Touya-nii had.
But they weren't enough.
She was laying on her bed one winter evening a couple hours after dinner, playing a bit of Animal Villagers on her handheld console, when she smelled something.
Smoke.
Living with her family, that wasn't an unfamiliar smell. But it was strong, and she realized that she could hear something in the distance- a loud, constant roar, like the combined crackling of a million campfires. She looked out her window, and-
The mountain was burning.
The entire mountain was on fire.
Startled, she ran out and headed for Touya-nii's room, which he shared with Natsuo (she herself had thrown a fit when he was at first going to room with her). Just Natsuo was in there, and he'd seemed to have noticed the fire at the same time she had. “Fuyu-nii,” he said, “what's going on?”
“I don't- I mean- the mountain! It's on fire!”
“Right,” Natsuo agreed. “Do you think it's gonna come here?”
“I don't know,” she replied, worried. “I bet Dad's nearby, though. He'll probably take care of it. Um, Natsu, have you seen Touya-nii?”
Natsuo shook his head. “Nuh-uh. He told me he was gonna show dad something today, though. Maybe he's at his, um, big building he works at.”
“His agency?” She furrowed her brow. “Dad never lets Touya-nii go there. Did Touya-nii say where he was going to go? He's probably still waiting there- you know how he is.”
“Ummm...” Natsuo thought for a bit. “I dunno. He didn't say anything about that. Probably where he usually trains, I guess.”
“Where he trains? Oh, I know where that is. He goes up to a spot on the... mountain...”
They were both still for a moment, hearing the fire on the mountain roar in the distance.
Someone sobbed. Was it her or Natsuo? She didn't know.
The fire continued to roar.
Touya-nii was dead.
He'd died on that mountain, his feelings of jealousy and rage and resentment burning so fiercely that they spilled right out of him, engulfing him and cremating him entirely, leaving merely a fragment of bone.
(The fire had been so hot, so consuming, that nobody looked deeper into the absence of a body. Surely, it'd all burned away. He couldn't have left that mountain on his own, after all.)
She cried, screamed, begged. Cursed her father's name into her pillow, wishing all the terrible things in the world on him as comeuppance for taking her brother from her. For not caring enough to stop his march towards his own doom. But that selfish, cowardly man wouldn't move his gaze away from his own goals.
Touya-nii was dead.
He wouldn't get to grow up, wouldn't get to see her grow up into the woman that she now knew for sure she was going to become, damn everyone who might say she couldn't. He wouldn't laugh with her, cry with her, vent all his feelings to her in the dead of night. While she and Natsuo would continue to change and grow, Touya would remain static. Unchanging. A fading ghost.
Maybe a bit of Touya's fire lived on in her, though, as just a few months later, she had a bit of an outburst, and an opportunity.
The housekeeper, an elderly woman who'd been with the family for a good number of years, was getting her and Natsuo ready for the beginning of school- which, for her, was just tomorrow.
“Now, dear, it's time for your haircut!” The woman called towards her, after finishing cutting Natsuo's hair. “I'd say you definitely need one, it's getting quite long! A respectable young man like you should be presentable.”
Cut... her hair.
Since she was a little kid, she'd always hated haircuts, even before she knew why she did. As of late, she'd been growing it out for a while, and it was down just past her shoulders now. It was one of the few parts of her body which she was proud of. She loved its cute patterning, the way it flowed down her neck.
She looked at Natsuo, at his newly-shorn hair. It was cute on him, for sure, but she imagined it on herself, and something-
-broke.
“No!” She yelled, taking a few steps back as the housekeeper recoiled at her sudden outburst. “I'm not doing it! I won't let you cut my hair! I can't- I can't hide this anymore!”
“What has gotten into you?” The housekeeper demanded, hands on her hips. “It's just a simple haircut! What in the world has gotten into you, Fuyuj-”
“-NO!” She interrupted. “Stop calling me that! I'm sick! I'm sick of it!” Little tears began to glisten in her eyes as she gestured wildly, Natsuo staring at her in shock from where he was seated.
“I am a- I'm- I'm going to be a girl, a woman one day, and that's that! I'm not going to cut my hair, I'm not going to get- get called a boy, I can't take it! I can't take it anymore! I can't take it...” She collapsed, crying into her hands. The housekeeper said something, but she didn't catch what it was and the woman left soon anyway (possibly to get a drink).
All she could do was cry. She'd been brave, sure, just like she wanted, but this wasn't how she wanted it to go at all. She had been planning on telling Natsuo first, quietly, in one of their rooms. Not this manic outburst.
“Um, you're...” Natsuo spoke up for the first time, approaching her. “But you're a guy, niichan? I don't get it.”
“Oh, Natsu!” She wiped her tears, taking Natsuo's hand and standing back up. “I'm... I'm really sorry you had to see that, Natsu-kun. It's a little delicate to explain, and I wanted to tell you a different way. Have you... have you heard of people who are 'transgender'?”
Natsuo thought for a second. “Umm, is that those crossdressing guys? Are you gonna be a crossdresser, niichan? You'd be pretty good at it.”
“...Thanks, Natsu. Not exactly, but- oh, here, let's sit down.” They sat down on a nearby bench, Natsuo helping her as she was still shaking. As they sat, she explained to him what sort of person she was, what sort of path she would take, pulling out her phone and showing him some examples as she went.
“Okay,” he'd finally said, when she finished. “Um, this isn't because Mom got sent away, right?”
(Just like Touya, she'd cracked, too, except instead of herself it was Shouto she'd hurt- he was fine, just scarred, but she'd quickly been whisked away to a mental ward by their father. Had he done so to help her to get better, or to get her out of the way?)
She shook her head. “No, I figured this out a few years ago. I wasn't brave enough to tell you, or mom, or- or Touya-nii, back then, but I guess I'm brave enough now.”
She sniffled. “I don't feel brave, though.”
Natsuo took her hand in his again, and she leaned into his side. He'd been growing fast lately, though she was still just a smidge taller than him. (She'd always been the tallest of the siblings, inheriting much of their father's gargantuan height.)
They stayed like that for a bit, Natsuo comforting her, until he asked, “Um, are you gonna change your name, niich- uh, neechan? That's weird to say.”
“Oh, well, yes,” she answered truthfully. “I didn't change much, but... did you want to hear it?” Natsuo nodded. “Alright, well, here we go...” She stood up, then bowed playfully.
“My name is Fuyumi, please take care of me!”
Natsuo stared for a second, until he hit her on the shoulder. “I already know you, dummy, you don't need to introduce yourself.” She laughed in response, and he laughed alongside her.
Fuyumi didn't come out at school.
She was already an outcast of sorts, she didn't want the attention that being known as “Endeavor's son who thinks he's a girl” would bring her. She did win the fight for her hair, though, and kept it long. She could tell that the teachers wanted her to cut it, but none of them wanted to be the one to tell the number two hero's kid off for something so banal.
At home, her life improved- she and Natsuo got closer, and the housekeeper kept her distance. Somehow, she managed to muster the strength to come out to their father, during one of the few times when he was actually around. He didn't reject her, per se- he let her use his card to buy a whole new wardrobe and even signed off the necessary papers for her to start various hormonal programs- but he didn't exactly support her beyond the financial assistance. He still kept his distance, never talking to her unless he needed something from her or she needed something from him. Still, it was an improvement, and Fuyumi was... somewhat satisfied with her relationship with her father.
She began to get to know Shouto, too.
When her mom was sent away, someone had to take up the household chores. At first, this was the housekeeper, but after Fuyumi came out the old woman began to make excuses to do tasks farther away from the main living area. The garden had never looked better, but that meant the regular jobs around the house- cooking, cleaning, etc.- needed done. So Fuyumi took up that role, finally giving her a good excuse to interact with her youngest brother.
Shouto was awkward- extremely so- and clearly had a lot of bottled up anger, much like Touya-nii. So Fuyumi tried to help him when she could, and suggested he express that anger when training, and help release the pressure. She wasn't sure how successful she was, but at least Shouto wasn't alone.
(She also wasn't entirely sure Shouto remembered his sister had once been his brother. She definitely didn't mention it, and he never asked about it.)
The years went by. The pain of losing Touya faded into a dull ache, never leaving her but becoming easier to manage. Once, she thought she'd seen him, prowling the hallway in the dead of night, but then she rubbed her eyes and he was gone, vanished like a ghost. She prayed for him often.
“Touya-nii, how are you doing? I'm doing well. I'm finishing my first year of high school soon, can you believe that? It feels like I just started. I'm so happy things went well. I was so scared to start high school as a girl, but I'm glad I did. I just wish I had some friends, though. I'd ask for your help but I know you never had any friends at school. That's one way we're alike, huh? Well, rest easy, Touya-nii. I miss you.”
Life was difficult, but Fuyumi slowly, painfully, carved a spot for herself in it. She never managed to fully free Shouto from their father's chains, but she did make them a little more comfortable. Soon, Shouto was about to enter high school, and Fuyumi prayed that he would find someone there who could help him how she couldn't. Fuyumi herself not only continued building herself into the woman she wanted to be, but also went to college, blasting her way through and earning herself a degree in education, finding herself an upocoming job at a nearby elementary school that she couldn't wait to start. Natsuo, too, was just about to leave for college himself, Fuyumi giving him her blessings. Their mother slowly recovered in the mental ward, thankfully accepting Fuyumi with grace. She pondered if her mom had always wanted a daughter; perhaps she had been silently disappointed with four sons.
Touya remained dead.
That spark of resentment, gifted to her by her late brother, never left her. Even as her relationship with her father, her brother's killer, became more civil, she never forgot what he was responsible for. Oh, she never yelled at him, never cursed him to his face. Never.
But sometimes, in the dead of night, she talked to Natsuo, saying the foulest things about that man, wishing him the worst and voicing all her frustrations and fears.
...
.....
.......
Touya picked his nose, watching the cars go by from the alleyway he was slumped down in. “Ah, I wonder what Fuyu-kun is up to these days,” he wondered to himself.
He fiddled with a staple on his arm, tightening a seam that was beginning to loosen.
“Probably getting girlier and girlier, I guess.”