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Jeremy's name left Jean's lips in a desperate and strangled cry as the breath was pulled violently from his lungs. He lunged upwards from sleep in the dark of the night, his body shaking with fevered panic. The darkness pressed in around him as visions of Jeremy, tortured, hurt, and alone, flashed before him. His chest heaved as he panted, heat radiating out from around him and sweat dripping down his back.
He knew he was awake now, could feel his own legs tangled in the sheets, but the horrors of his nightmares still bubbled under his skin and rattled his bones.
"Jean?" Jeremy's quiet sleepy call startled him, his entire body flinching from distress.
His mind caught up a moment later as Jeremy shifted in the dark beside him.
"Jean, are...are you okay?" His voice was careful, gentle, as he too was roused from his sleep.
A helpless cry left Jean's lips as something warm and wet dripped down his cheeks. He reached for Jeremy, clutching desperately at his sleep shirt as he tugged him close, hauling him into his lap until their chests pressed together, their hearts beating like drums in a staccato rhythm.
Jeremy fell into him without restrain, and Jean only hugged him tighter, pressing his wet cheek against the warm space between Jeremy's neck and collar.
"Jean."
Jeremy's breath ghosted over Jean's ears, another helpless sound leaving his throat at the feel of Jeremy’s body and the sound of his now grave voice.
He was alive. He was okay. Was he okay?
"Jean, what—"
Jeremy's words were cut off as Jean eased him backwards with gentle force, his hands smoothing over Jeremy's arms and chest, assessing for open wounds and injuries.
"Are you okay?" he asked shakily, his vision a blurry mess in the dark.
A line of light shone through the small gap in the bedroom door from the hallway and with it Jean could just make out Jeremy's tousled hair and startled eyes. He choked out a broken sound as more vivid and disturbing images from his nightmares haunted him.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know." Frantic apologies tumbled from Jean’s mouth as more tears trailed down his cheeks in earnest.
He couldn't stand it, couldn't stomach it. Hauling Jeremy back into his arms, Jean held him tighter, shaking his head with a terrifying and real grief.
Jeremy let himself be held, his arms moving to curl around Jean's shoulders and head as he asked apprehensively, "Sorry for what, baby? What's happened?"
If Jean was not currently tormented by the horrors of his subconscious mind, the use of such a pet name would have had him preening. Now, it only made him shudder in panicked relief.
"I wasn't there, I'm sorry," he breathed shakily into Jeremy's skin, his lips ghosting over Jeremy's pulse feeling it beat steadily.
Jean slowly pulled back, his nose running and his cheeks stained with tears. He brushed Jeremy's hair back with gentle fingers, careful not to hurt him, as the other man cradled his face. His thumbs brushed comfortingly over Jean's jaw.
"Are you sure you are okay?" Jean asked again, swallowing back another round of tears. They gathered in his eyes anyway, triggered by the flashes of horrific images flooding his brain as he choked out, "They—"
Jean dropped his head defeatedly till it rested against Jeremy's chest, unable to finish with the gory details, his hands flat against Jeremy's back where he'd settled into Jean's lap. He pushed his hands up under Jeremy's shirt, needing to feel the heat of his skin, the grooves of his ribs and the firmness of his muscles. He breathed deep inhaling shakily through his nose as Jeremy stroked over his head.
He was okay. Jeremy was okay. He was safe. They were home.
Jean didn't realise he'd been muttering the words aloud in whispered French until he caught Jeremy speaking the frantic mantra along with him (though much more collected and controlled), his hands smoothing over the back of Jean's neck.
Jean clenched his fists into Jeremy's sleep shirt.
Panic seized him as Jeremy pulled back, his grip tightening as he chased Jeremy's body where he stretched away across the bed to reach for the small lamp on his bedside table.
Soft lighting flooded the room and Jean blinked up at Jeremy through watery, swollen eyes, mapping every inch of his face now that he could see him clearer.
He was unharmed, uninjured.
Worry pulled at his furrowed brows as he considered Jean beneath him.
"Oh Jean," he sighed sadly, stroking his thumbs under Jean's tired eyes. "I'm okay. I promise," he said as he held Jean's gaze, palms cupping Jean's tear-soaked cheeks. "Look at me, baby" he gestured downwards with his chin. "I'm okay."
Jean swallowed down a wave of nausea as he recalled from his nightmare Jeremy's muffled pained cries where he'd been—
With a violent jerk as if he'd been struck, Jean turned to hide his face in Jeremy's right palm, breathing in the lingering smell of the cocoa scented lotion he'd rubbed on before bed.
Jeremy pet at his hair with his free hand. "Baby, baby, baby," he chimed, his voice so sweet and soothing that Jean's heart clenched longingly in his chest. "It's okay, just breathe. Just breathe."
Jean looked up at him, pushing the hair back off his forehead, he asked, "Can you?" His eyes flickered back and forth over the shape of Jeremy's lips, needing to be sure nothing was restricting his airways as it had in his nightmares. "Can you breathe? Are you—"
"I'm okay. I can breathe," Jeremy answered immediately, hands steady on Jean's shoulders, his legs warm and heavy in Jean's lap. "Can you breathe, Jean?" he asked with a whisper.
In the back of his mind, the place where logic and reason lived, Jean knew he was fine. Physically perhaps, he was functioning, oxygen going into his lungs and keeping him lucid. But mentally, Jean felt as if the dark corners in the room were still pressing in around him, the shadows of his nightmares threatening to make a grab for Jeremy, to steal him away and make Jean witness his suffering again.
Jeremy waited patiently until Jean finally shook his head; his face painted with an anguish he was no longer afraid to let Jeremy see.
Thumb brushing the crest of Jean's cheek, Jeremy asked, "Do you want me to open the window?"
Jean nodded, once again leaning into the soft palm of his hand.
He made to move then and Jean felt a rush of alarm, tightening his grip, unwilling and unable to let him go. Jeremy sagged in his hold. "Baby, I'm just going to open the window."
Jean remained frozen, his eyes widened slightly in a fear he couldn't temper.
"Come with me?" Jeremy offered. Reaching for Jean's hand and tugging it free from his waist, Jeremy pressed his lips to Jean's knuckles.
Feeling as if his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, Jean swallowed and nodded his head again, allowing Jeremy to gently guide him from the bed and across the room to the window.
The floor was cold beneath their bare feet where they stepped off the rug laid beneath their bed, the outside dark and menacing behind their drawn curtains. Jean stuck like a magnet to Jeremy's back, refusing to let him get far. When the first rush of air came sweeping in, Jean inhaled deeply, leaning further against his other half. He shivered at the cold against his clammy skin prompting Jeremy to pull him into a hug. If he could feel how damp Jean’s shirt had become, he made no comment on it.
Together they stood by the window, Jean with his arms around Jeremy, his chin resting atop of Jeremy's head as he steadied his breathing.
Eventually, Jeremy’s voice muffled against his chest broke the silence as he asked, "Better?"
Jean placed a kiss into his fluffy brown waves and answered, "Yes."
“Back to bed?” Jeremy suggested, now blinking up at Jean his chin resting against Jean’s chest.
Jean nodded and allowed himself to be led once more as Jeremy dove under the covers, pulling Jean along with him. They settled onto their sides, and Jean was quick to gather Jeremy into his arms again, pressing a chaste yet lingering kiss to his lips where he felt Jeremy's stretch into a smile. He shifted around until his face was buried against Jeremy's chest, Jeremy's arms circling his head and shoulders almost protectively, one leg thrown up over his waist.
Jean felt covered in him, and sighed in relief, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat while Jeremy played softly with his hair. They were entirely intertwined, like two pieces of a braid or like Jeremy's favourite pastry twists, with one of Jean's legs slotted between Jeremy's, his palms flat against the small of Jeremy's back buried under his shirt.
He wasn't sure how long they lay there in the dimly lit room while he counted every beat of Jeremy's heart. But eventually, when he finally felt settled enough to do so, he offered up explanation. Jeremy listened patiently, no pause in his ministrations as Jean spoke against his chest.
"I had a nightmare," he whispered hoarsely. "It was not like... like before when I was.... it was about you." Jean tipped his head backwards looking up at Jeremy from under his chin. He in turn looked down at Jean with a serenity Jean took immense comfort in as he caressed the shape of Jean's brow with his thumb.
Images of the dream flashed unrelenting in Jean's mind again, triggering more shivers of immediate fear. He shook his head and clenched his eyes shut, willing the images away.
Jeremy's voice cut through the agony as he smoothed away the crease that had formed between Jean’s brows. "It's okay, baby. You don't have to tell me. It was just a dream, yeah?" Jean looked up at him when he felt his fingers rest under his chin. "I'm okay. I'm here with you and we're safe."
Jean nodded his head obediently, determinedly, as if Jeremy's word was law and Jean would do everything in his power to live by it. Spurred on by this reassurance, Jean said, "I promise I will not let anything happen to you ever." He punctuated this was a soft press of his lips to Jeremy's chin. In French, he added, "I would kill whoever laid their hands on you, whoever tried to take you away from me."
Jean knew Jeremy's face had softened by the way his lips curved as they ghosted over his forehead as he left behind his own chaste kiss in return. "I know," he acknowledged. "But you won't ever have to. Do you want to go back to sleep?"
Jean shook his head. "I just want to hold you."
Jeremy smiled wider and left an uncoordinated trail of kisses over Jean's face. He pulled away then, turning over until his back met Jean's chest. Jean immediately hooked his chin over Jeremy's shoulder, offering up his arm as Jeremy's pillow. Jeremy reached for his other hand as Jean pressed impossibly closer, tanging their fingers together and laying Jean's palm flat over his heart so he could feel its steady rhythm.
With a final kiss to Jean's bicep, Jeremy settled down in his embrace, happy to be smothered in Jean’s protective embrace.
Against his shoulder Jean muffled his words, "Nobody will ever take you from me."
He squeezed Jeremy tighter, and though the words were more for himself he relished in the sound of his partner's content and agreeable sigh, burying his nose into the back of his neck.
Under the soft warm glow of the lamp light Jean pushed back against his nightmares and fought to keep his eyes open as counted the freckles on the back of Jeremy's neck, determined to never let him hurt and to never let him go.