Work Text:
1.
Bakugou didn't necessarily have anything against trains. He had used the train all throughout his time at UA, and even his first couple years as a sidekick. It had gotten him from his house to Kirishima's too many times to count that first summer they called each other "boyfriend." It was on the train that him and Kaminari had stared at the wall dizzy with heads pounding, experiencing their first hangovers after a party at Mina's. Homework had been done on the train, books were read, even naps were taken.
But where trains were great, cars were fucking awesome.
Bakugou had full control in his car. He could go where he wanted, when he wanted, and as fast as he wanted. He could stay in bed with Eijirou a bit longer in the mornings, and make it to the agency in half the time the train took. Most days, he was able to get home faster too, provided the other dumbasses on the road didn't take their sweet time.
It was just a standard Tuesday the first time it happened. Nothing big had happened at work, just the usual patrol and paperwork. Sero had stopped by to ask if he was busy next week. That was his friends' current way of making sure he went to things. Texts can be easily ignored, Sero swinging into his window couldn't.
Bakugou always had a map going when he drove, it gave him time to prepare for the inevitable road rage from the clearly marked traffic ahead.
What it did not prepare him for was the plume of smoke a few cars in front of him.
"The fuck?"
He slowed down and squinted at the offending vehicle. Somehow, someone's car was on fire over in the far lane. Eventually he had to stop, everyone around him at a standstill as they waited for a rescue hero to come put out the fire. Bakugou was one of the worst heroes for putting out fires, so there was nothing he could do other than sit in his car. Waiting. And all he wanted to do was fucking go home and cuddle his fucking husband.
The worst part about the situation was that he now had to just stay in his car. Doing nothing.
Scratch that. The worst part was that his friends were now trying to start a group call. It was like they had sensed that he suddenly had spare time and had collectively decided to ruin it.
"What do ya want?" Bakugou answered on speaker.
"Omg Bakugou!"
"Wait, he's actually here?"
"Quick, someone check if pigs are flying."
"Babe, shouldn't you be driving home?" At least Eijirou cared about his wellbeing today.
"I should be driving home, but instead I'm fucking stopped because someone had their car set on fire," he barked.
Mina gasped over the phone. "Oh, perfect! You'll be able to hear all the plans for next week!"
It was only due to his training as a pro hero that Bakugou prevented the urge to smash his head into the steering wheel.
2.
Bakugou was pretty damn good at holding his liquor. He hated being hungover, he was too good for that, so he practically motherhenned himself by eating and drinking plenty of water. This also meant that he almost always drove him and Eijirou home after a night out. Kirishima knew that it took a lot for him to get drunk, too, which meant that he never turned down doing a round of shots with Kami and Sero.
The reason Bakugou never did shots with them was because Sero had the nastiest taste and genuinely liked taking shots of Fireball.
Kiri sang loudly as they rode home, making the radio pale in comparison. He was already a pretty loud person, alcohol just made him worse at realizing his volume.
Not that Bakugou minded; he'd rather his husband loud and near him than silent and far away.
They were close, so very close to making it back to their apartment, when Bakugou noticed the sudden bright light. Figuring it was some cop cars, he slowed down, ready to get out of the way. The closer he got, though, the more orange the light looked.
"There's no goddamn way," he muttered.
Kirishima stopped his serenading. "Dude, is something on fire over there?"
Sure enough, pulled over on the side of the road was a small car lit bright by flames. Because of course Bakugou would run into two flaming cars almost a week apart from each other. Clearly some higher power had it out for him this week.
At least there wasn't much traffic that night, and Bakugou was able to drive around and continue on towards their home. Kirishima plastered his face to the window to get a better look.
"Woah, that car is actually on fire," he gasped.
Bakugou snorted. "Did the flames not cue you in?"
Kirishima flopped back against his seat. "Illusion quirks exist, babe! It could've been Camie playing a prank on you."
"Mmmm, think that'd get her suspended for a bit. Faking a fire just to prank someone? 'S like shouting fire in a theater, no way you can do that and get away with it."
"That makes sense. You're so smart, Tsuki," he beamed at Bakugou.
He blushed as red as the fire outside the car. There was something about the sincerity in his husband's voice that made him feel warm inside. It was a good thing Eijirou was in the car with him, because crashing the car had sounded real good a few moments ago. Bakugou leaned over and gave a small kiss on Kiri's cheek.
"What was that for?" Eijirou smiled.
"Just glad you're here with me," he responded softly.
3.
Around once a month Bakugou would go back to UA to do a guest lecture or to help Deku's class with a training exercise. He had a standing date as the first pro every year to join Midoriya in taking their class on in a 2 v 20. It was a fun and easy way for students to figure out their limits while also fighting some of the top heroes in the nation.
Deku's class adored their teacher, which made the whole experience even better. He was so kind to them in class and hadn't been back on the hero scene for very long, which meant his students tended to not realize how scary it could be to fight him. Newscasts and history books (correctly, mind you) portrayed him as a hero of hope. Most people didn't realize what it was like to be against Deku on the battlefield.
Most people didn't realize that if you were against both Deku and Dynamight on the battlefield that there's a good chance you're gonna end up shitting your pants.
The memories of kids screaming as Deku swung full tilt at them with blackwhip made the drive to UA and back completely worth it. He thought through how each of the students fought, deciding if any of them would be worth keeping an eye out for.
Bakugou was cruising pretty fast when he noticed his ETA jump an hour, and saw all the red lights in front of him. He slammed on the breaks, narrowly avoiding the next cars.
Is there an accident up there or something? Bakugou tried to peer ahead and see what was causing the traffic. When he couldn't find out what it was, he pulled out his phone to catch up on his notifications. There was a cat picture from Todoroki, some memes from Kaminari, a recipe from Sero, ah shit, Mina had asked for an opinion on which nails to get, and probably his favorite of the day, a picture of some rubble from Ei with a text 'reminded me of you <3.'
His attention was grabbed by a car reversing a couple lanes over. Apparently some dumbass decided he was too good to wait with the rest of them and managed to reverse onto the exit ramp.
Surely whatever was happening wasn't that bad, was it?
Bakugou got his answer when a helicopter showed up. He saw Manual descend, already shooting out water at a — oh.
Now that Bakugou knew where to look, he could faintly see a burning car in the distance. Because of course he would run into a third car fire in one month. He was Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, breaking records that no one had even thought of before.
At least he screamed from inside the car, where no civilians could hear him losing it.
4.
"I think that went pretty well!" Kirishima smiled around a homemade cookie. The two of them were leaving their bi-monthly dinner with Mitsuki and Masaru Bakugou. They alternated every month whose parents they had a special dinner with. With how busy their lives as pro heroes got, having a set schedule made things much simpler.
"You just think that 'cause you got to look at the old photo albums again," Bakugou growled. "And stop dropping crumbs all over the place."
"Hey, I've barely dropped any! And besides, looking at old pictures of you is half the fun of seeing your parents," he said.
Bakugou rolled his eyes, focusing back on the road. It was dark outside, the road shining with reflections from the street lamps. "Saw you on the news yesterday, I think people are gonna end up voting you pretty high for the next hero rankings."
Kirishima's ears flushed pink. "You're just saying that cause you like me."
"Hmmm, maybe. Maybe that just means I get a front row seat to how amazing you are every day," he teased. "Besides, did you forget the way you saved that kid? Practically swaddled 'em with how tightly you held your cape around them. That's gonna stick with them for life," he punctuated with a sharp poke at Eijirou's shoulder.
“I guess, it’s just that everyone’s so cool, it’s hard to rank where everyone is in my head.”
“Yeah, but the fact that you notice that makes you one of the best. It’s not all about you up in that head, and that makes you one of the best,” he said softly.
Suddenly bright lights and sirens roared from behind them, breaking any moment the two of them had been having. Bakugou quickly moved the car over to allow the ambulance plenty of space to pass.
They cautiously followed behind the ambulance, seeing if there was anything they could do to help the situation. Even though the ambulance turned its flashing lights off, the bright red never faded.
“No, no, no, no,” Bakugou whined as he put the car in park. “I fucking swear, please be literally anything else.”
Kirishima looked at him funny as he opened the door. “I’m gonna go see if they need any help with heavy lifting, you’ll be here if we need any support?”
“Yeah, go do your thing, Red Riot,” Bakugou smiled. Eiji better not get too hurt, he thought to himself, ‘cause I’m the one that’s gonna need support after this.
5.
There were frozens in the backseat. Frozens. In. The. Back. Seat.
But by the time Bakugou would be home from the grocery store, nothing would be frozen anymore.
Why, you may ask?
Because some idiot let their car overheat enough to the point that it fucking caught fire and now he had to sit in fucking traffic until someone was able to take care of it.
Bakugou decided at that moment to never buy a lottery card. Five car fires in two months was quite possibly the worst luck anyone could ever have. And Bakugou is not capable of being the worst at anything.
+1.
"Yeah, see ya later, Roki," he waved as he walked to his car. Bakugou appreciated hanging out with Todoroki, he never felt pressured to do anything other than sip some coffee while sending cat videos back and forth.
Of course, that’s all they send each other anyways, but it’s nice to do it in person from time to time.
Bakugou slid into his seat, set up his GPS and music, and headed back home. He kept his phone turned up, just in case a distress call got sent out to heroes. The distress calls tended to be location based, so if he was close to an emergency he would be able to help out.
He heard the sirens before he heard the distress signal. The zip of a car speeding past him was followed by a half dozen cop cars also in pursuit.
“If any pro heroes are nearby, help would be appreciated in stopping a getaway car!”
The grin on Bakugou’s face rivaled the one he had when he faced villains. Time for a fucking car chase, he thought.
“Pro Hero Dynamight is en route in his own vehicle,” he responded.
He drove into a nearby side street in an attempt to cut off the car. Bakugou wasn’t fast enough, however, and was still stuck behind them.
“Fuck!” He rolled his window down to talk to the cop cars. “There any limits to how I can stop him?”
“As long as you don’t kill him, any way of apprehending the vehicle would be greatly appreciated,” a middle aged man with a buzz cut yelled back.
“Perfect,” Bakugou grinned.
He sped up, trying to get the car within blasting range. With the getaway car only a few meters away, he switched to driving with his right hand and aimed his left hand out the window.
“AP Shot!” he shot out an explosion, causing the car to swerve off the road and burst into flames. The man in the car slammed the door open, coughing as he fell to the ground. The cop cars immediately circled him, with the cop who had yelled at Bakugou pulling out a pair of handcuffs. Bakugou parked his car and walked over to see if there was anything else they needed help with.
The cop tipped his head, greeting Bakugou. “That car fire seemed like it was personal, Dynamight.”
Bakugou barked out a laugh. “Oh, you have no idea.”