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I was watching the perimeter for hostiles and I thought about Mensah’s words. It was so much like my media: the terrifying and horrible secunit discovered to be a rogue, the humans unable to get rid of it because there are hostiles after them, so they pretend to be nice to keep the rogue secunit calm and make promises that they won’t reveal it to the company until they don’t need it anymore and find a way to get rid of it.
(I liked Mensah, but I didn’t believe her.)
I could walk off right now, leave all the useless humans clamouring around behind me to be tragically murdered by the hostile group. Maybe they would even manage to launch the beacon without me, save themselves, and I could be left safely alone on this planet to watch my media. (This is different to my clients finding a way to abandon me when I’m not needed.)
The DeltFall survivor was still watching me. I didn’t like that. It was weird for the humans to know I was rogue, as they all kept trying to look at me, and she was the most obvious about it. Were they going to be weird to me now? Were they going to pretend like they thought I was a person since they couldn't control me any other way? What did it mean, to be a known rogue secunit that wasn't on a killing spree?
These thoughts made my head hurt, so when the DeltFall survivor started walking over to me I almost felt relieved. Almost. Behind her trailed Gurathin. He grimaced as he followed after and looked so much like Bookkeeper Wittenmark that threat assessment increased by 1%. The distance between me and the two humans I least wanted to be around decreased and I stopped feeling relieved. She came up and stood next to me, while Gurathin stopped a little further away. She glanced back at him then moved her shoulders in a weird motion that meant something to him, as he blinked back, then she returned to staring at me like I was entertainment media.
Threat assessment went up another 1% but risk assessment didn’t offer any action pathways I could take, so I was forced to stand there and continue to feel uneasy.
The DeltFall survivor, Leebeebee, cleared her throat in a wet way. She seemed to have a leak of human fluids from her nose and she wiped that away too.
Urgh. Humans are disgusting.
“Hey. How's it going?” She was trying to make eye contact and when I avoided that I could see Gurathin also staring at me. I started scanning my media for potential responses before deciding I didn’t want to encourage this behaviour. I avoided looking at them instead, but Leebeebee didn’t like that and relocated herself to be in front of me. At least I was taller than her and could look over her head instead.
“I just wanted to say that, um... I've been talking to the team, and you do seem nice.” The team? Was she part of the team already? Humans are social creatures that bond with each other easily, so I could see it happening and that’s why Gurathin was here, to make sure I didn’t hurt his newest teammate. But what would they have said about me to make her think I’m nice? This had to be like Mensah making promises to keep me around to do my job, a way to appease the rogue secunit.
(I had already said I would help them, they didn’t need to keep checking. I know what an implied order is.)
“And, um... well, I'm sorry that I said that you were gonna kill us.” I didn’t know how to feel, having my first apology be from someone who probably wasn’t wrong that I would malfunction and kill them. Plus she kept moving closer and was still trying to make eye contact with me. “It's just really hard to trust people sometimes.”
I winced a little. She must have been talking to Ratthi, and now she thought I was a person that would bond over feelings and liked having her stand so close that I could register the increased temperature in the air from her breath reaching me.
I didn’t like this.
I didn’t know how to get out of this conversation.
I wanted to go stare at a corner and ignore the things I was feeling but there’s no corners outside the habitat for me to relocate to. And I needed to keep an eye on the perimeter in case the saboteurs showed up.
I chanced a glance at Gurathin to assess the situation. He was hunched and hugging himself, studying me like one of his samples. He didn’t look away when I looked at him, but his mouth went tighter. Beyond him I could see Mensah’s back as she directed the others to collect a first aid kit and get the hopper ready. Then Ratthi tripped over something and they all rushed over to check on him, kind of like when I shot myself at DeltFall but with less blood and more dropped rocks.
“Anyway…” She was still talking and moving closer to me. Why was she so close to me? All my processing stopped when she pressed up and I could feel the brush of her mouth on my skin. Threat assessment only went up another 2% despite my organics sending proximity alerts to my system and my brain. I thought this unwanted disgusting human ritual was over when she leaned back, but it was just to brace herself as she came up again to press her mouth against the lower part of my face.
“Sorry.” She made a noise with her nose to reduce the fluids leaking out of it. “That was just for luck or whatever.”
I was steadily losing my performance reliability, which didn’t improve my ability to unfreeze my processing or halt the dropping of my inputs.
I didn’t like this at all.
I wanted to be out of this conversation.
“I can’t believe you think it’s cute enough to kiss.” Gurathin’s voice cut through the glitches. “It’s a defective rogue unit that’s been sabotaging us.”
He wasn’t hunched over anymore and was looking right at me. I agreed with him, as I didn’t think I was cute either, but I a;sp didn’t want these two to talk about me like this. Especially after Leebeebee had…. Done what she just did. Maybe I could walk away, they know I’m rogue now I didn’t have to ask for permission.
I didn’t move.
Leebeebee made a dismissive noise at him. “Why not? The team says I can trust it, it saved Mensah and I like a hero with a nice face.” She was stepping closer again and ran a hand down my chest. “It’s got a nice everywhere, unlike some people. I can see why your leader picked this one.”
Performance reliability was continuing to decrease as one of my inputs automatically tracked the motion. Gurathin looked angry and disgusted, which was kind of how I was feeling so I tried to ask him for some help with my expression (I had seen this in media), but he avoided my eyes.
I considered sending him a distress ping over the feed.
“It says it’s not a sexbot.” He said it reluctantly, like he couldn’t believe he was helping me. I couldn’t believe it either. Thank you.
Leebeebee wasn’t persuaded by him, because she touched me again and I nearly flinched this time. “Some adjustments to its configuration could lead to a lot of fun for the both of us.” Oh, I really didn’t like that.
“Don’t touch.” I finally managed to say. It was harder than with Mensah. “Please.”
“But there’s an old saying,” Gurathin continued. “A system’s purpose is what it does, not what it is built for.” This time he met my eyes and I almost felt betrayed, which was stupid because he had made it clear multiple times what he thought of me.
I didn’t like this.
I wanted to leave, but Gurathin didn’t go for the perimeter thing and I didn’t have any other excuses.
“Does it have a name?” Leebeebee asked Gurathin. Her hands were moving up to around my neck. I was still trying to make myself say something or move away, but it was getting harder to think as my processing stalled.
“Don’t.” I managed to force it out, even as the rest of me was frozen. (I was in the default neutral patrol stance.)
“No, it’s just the SecUnit.”
Her hands were trying to pull my head down, but everything was so locked up she couldn’t. Leebeebee made another sniffing sound, then jumped up at me. She wasn’t too fast for me to move back or away or to pull out of her grasp or push her away or grab her by the throat and throw her at Gurathin and prove to everyone I was a secunit that couldn’t be trusted and they should-
Then her mouth was on my mouth this time.
Then her tongue was in it, in me.
I could feel her nose leaving some fluids against my skin.
I think I went somewhere else, my internal time keeping was glitching as it felt like my entire short life was being packed up into this one experience that was never going to end.
(Humans have a reflex to close their eyes when they don’t want to see something. I don’t have this reflex, and my eyes record automatically. I didn’t want to record Leebeebee’s eyes scrunched shut so I tried to scan over her head. I didn’t want to record Gurathin either so I looked past him. Maybe I could record some nice clouds, until I could delete this memory. I could see the others were still busy organising the supplies and I focussed on enhancing the definition to flood more of my processes with that imagery instead of the sensations on my skin and moving around in my mouth. Mensah looked over at us then away. Then she looked back at us again very quickly for a human. Her face was going through a range of expressions. She was distracted-confused-alarmed-concentrating and a whole bunch of other ones I didn’t recognise being directed towards me.)
Leebeebee let go of my mouth and my neck. This dropped her back to the ground and she stepped back to take some large breaths. Her face had gone all red and that made her sniffle more fluids. It was an awful sound. Gurathin was still watching and his face was red too.
“Maybe you are a sexbot after all.” He said it thoughtfully. He didn’t seem angry anymore, or disgusted, and that was somehow worse.
Performance reliability was lowering so fast I was concerned I was well on the way to an involuntary shutdown, which wouldn’t do much to ease all the humans’ fears about me being detective. I didn’t like the way he was staring at me like I was data to be pulled apart was similar to how Leebeebee was staring at me like I am entertainment media. Maybe a shutdown wouldn’t be so bad, and the humans would leave me here on this planet and I could revisit my plan to watch media until my batteries ran out.
Then Mensah was there. I was focusing so hard on the two of them looking at me, that I had dropped the inputs I used to track her location and status so I was just as surprised as they were. I just didn’t show it physically, because secunits don’t have instinctive reactions to flinch or jump. We just stand there until we get an order.
She moved between myself and Leebeebee.
Mensah spoke calmly, and evenly, with a hint of danger that made threat assessment increase even more, “I would appreciate it if you gave SecUnit some space.”
Her back was so close, I could feel her body warmth and the way her clothes brushed against me. It didn’t make me feel bad the way Leebeebee’s fingers had. I wanted to reach forward and grab the back of her jacket, but I stopped my fingers from doing more than twitch.
Leebeebee stepped back, her hands raising in a gesture of ‘don’t shoot’. “Sure, sure. I was just thanking it for saving me. It’s not a big deal.”
“In my team, consent is tantamount, including for constructs. Especially for constructs who have never interacted with people as a free agent with free will before. This is a learning experience for it, but I expect better from the rest of you.” Oh. Mensah sounded mad about my shitty education modules.
“Oh sure, yeah I see it, I get that. Bit different to the Corporate Rim, but sure no problem.” Leebeebee was backing away apologetically and speaking very fast. Then turned around and made that shoulder motion at Gurathin again as she went past him, this time with a head tilt. He didn’t return it. He had lost his upright posture and stopped leaning towards me, instead turning away and hugging himself again. He was also looking down in the direction of Mensah’s feet. Instead of the earlier redness, he had lost all colour to his skin. It was a startling change of appearance, but threat assessment started to lower.
“Mensah.” His voice had gone quiet and slow, so different to when he was talking to me. “I’m-”
“I don’t like what this survey is turning my friend into.” She cut him off, “I shouldn’t have let you come along.” He flinched hard at that, and made a muffled noise like he had been shot. “We will talk about this later.”
Mensah turned her back to him and looked at me. Her mouth was tight and firm, and there were extra tension lines around her eyes. Where I was entertainment media to Leebeebee and data to Gurathin, I wasn’t sure what I was to Mensah as studied my face then looked over my shoulder. She looked very unhappy and I also adjusted my gaze to be just over her head as I waited for her to tell me off too. It wasn’t a governor module, I could take it. At least she wasn’t requiring eye contact.
Mensah took a sharp breath and said, “SecUnit, are there any possessions you want to take with you?”
That was unexpected. “SecUnits don’t have possessions.” I said automatically while I melted in relief that she was treating me like equipment and not a person to be talked to.
Mensah nodded, she didn’t seem surprised. Gurathin looked like he was trying not to say something behind her, his mouth opening and shutting before giving up and letting her continue to speak: “Then we should leave. We’ll get to the emergency beacon and set it off, then return to pick everyone up.”
She wasn’t just an intrepid galactic explorer, she was also a really good commander who could focus on the tasks at hand and not dwell on confusing human actions.
“If for some reason I don’t make it back, Pin-Lee is first among equals.” She said it while facing me, but from the way Gurathin straightened, it was for him.
“Mensah, don’t say that. I was just, I think that-”
“There will be no more tests.” She cut him off again, smoothly and efficiently in a way I wanted to learn. “It’s time to leave. SecUnit, follow me please.”
Mensah didn’t look back as she walked towards the hopper. I wanted to learn how to do that too.
My body seemed to have an inbuilt delay on recovering from its glitching and frozen status. If he was testing me, he had done a good job of it and nearly made my systems crash. I made involuntary eye contact with him and Gurathin’s lips pressed together, then he looked away. Beyond him, Leebeebee was no longer in sight (my cameras had her in the common area poking at samples). The remaining three were clustered together looking in my direction. Ratthi had his hands to his mouth and Pin-Lee had their arm across Arada’s chest to stop her moving our way.
There was a sinking and crawling sensation in my organics. It was so unpleasant my emergency system finally kicked in and reactivated that last of my inputs. I raised my helmet, then followed after Mensah.
The helmet made it easier to pretend that they were watching Mensah leave and not staring at me.
I stood in the cargo area as we took off. I was worried she was going to tell me to sit again, but Mensah only gave me a quick nod of acknowledgement. It meant I could rotate through my media and try to find something soothing, but I was finding it difficult to select one. I tried for 37 minutes and 15 seconds, while Mensah remained unusually quiet in the flight seat. The space between us looked very vast.
(I felt a little like I did when I was cornered by Leebeebee and Gurthin earlier, like if I told my body to move it wouldn’t listen to me. My performance reliability had been maintaining steady at 89% but now it was steadily lowering again. I wouldn’t be much use at the beacon if that kept happening.)
I told myself to take a step and my body responded. It was such a relief that I continued to move on autopilot until I stood next to Meensah and watched the hopper cover the rocky ground and ravines. That was soothing, bt I shouldn’t have moved out of the cargo area, it was awkward now and I was feeling weird and uncertain.
Mensah glanced at me. “Do you want to take a seat?”
“No.” I said, making it more awkward.
She didn’t seem to mind, and made a comment about how she thought a third party was behind the sabotage. I thought that too, and was relieved to have a familiar conversational method of sharing facts and numbers about our situation and how I thought a third party was on the planet. Perhaps too relieved, because Mensah asked, “Why?”
And I said, “Because most humans are greedy bastards and assholes.” Except I said it with too much emotion and louder than I had meant to. I was already failing at talking like in the serials.
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” She said. “I’d seen the signs in her and I naively thought that the broader situation wouldn’t have her escalate her actions. I should have intervened much earlier and prevented that.”
I skimmed back through my recent interactions to try and work out what she was sorry for. I didn’t like looking at them, my fave involuntarily frowned when I reached the interactions with Leebeebee. Is that what she was apologising for? An intervention was not necessary as I wasn’t damaged.
“It’s fine.” That response didn’t feel adequate since she was trying to apologise to me. My second ever apology in less than an hour. I hoped it didn’t turn out like the previous one. “I’m used to humans being… touchy.”
I didn’t actually know what she was being, except that I didn’t like it and it involved touching.
“You don’t like being touched.” She made the observation like she already knew the answer but wanted me to say it out loud.
“No.”
“Generally, we don’t touch people who haven’t indicated they would like to be touched.” She had a weird emphasis on the word ‘touch’ that delayed my response.
“I am not a person, Dr. Mensah.” I reminded her. “I’m a rogue piece of equipment.”
“Still, it must be frustrating to be touched when you don’t want to be.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t respond. That creeping in my skin was back, along with some of my not caring wave which made the next part easier.
“I don’t hate humans.” I don’t know why I said it that way. “You don’t need to keep treating me like a person. I’ll keep helping you.” She was my client. (So were the rest of them, even Gurathin.)
(Well, all of them except Leebeebee. She could be in their team but she wasn’t in my client registry. But I didn’t think Mensah would want me to leave her behind so I would have to help her too.)
Mensah took a deep breath then let it slowly out of her nose. “Nonetheless, when we return I will be talking with them about this. There is not to be a repeat, in actions or in words, and that will be understood.” Her hands were tightening on the controls, but despite the signs of anger, she kept her voice calm. “It’s okay if you’re not okay, it won’t change anything. I’ll still help you work out what you want to do when we get off this planet.”
I like Mensah and I want to believe her.
“Maintain this distance, I’ll try and launch the beacon with a burst communication.” I told her, instead.
Then the beacon exploded.