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It’s quiet in Sunoo’s room in a way the dorm never is. Muffled in that late-night way where everything feels distant and slightly unreal. The hallway light seeps in faintly from under the door. The air smells like cleanser and fabric softener and the faint sweetness of Sunoo’s skincare.
Sunoo is sitting on the edge of the bed, swaying slightly. So tired from their back to back schedule today, he’s barely holding himself upright.
He fell asleep in the van the way he always did, slowly, stubbornly, like he was fighting it until the very last second before his head tipped against Sunghoon’s shoulder anyway.
By the time they reached the dorm he was completely gone, heavy and warm where he slumped against him, mumbling something incoherent when Sunghoon tried to wake him.
Hence why Sunghoon stands in front of him with a cotton pad in his hand now, gently tilting Sunoo’s chin up with two fingers so he can wipe the last trace of makeup from the corner of his eye.
“Stop moving,” Sunghoon murmurs.
“I’m trying,” Sunoo pouts sleepily, even as his head tips forward again.
Sunghoon sighs softly, one hand coming up to steady him by the shoulder.
He doesn’t think about it anymore, about this closeness. The way his fingers fit naturally at Sunoo’s jaw. The way he can tell, just by the weight of his body, how exhausted he is.
Sunghoon always used to hesitate but he doesn’t seem to do so now.
He wipes carefully under Sunoo’s eye, then across his cheek, thumb brushing lightly over skin that’s warm from the day. Sunoo blinks up at him once, slow and trusting, before letting his eyes close again.
There’s something about the way Sunoo lets himself be handled like this, that makes Sunghoon’s chest feel too tight.
He thinks about it more than he should. About trust, about how easily Sunoo leans into him, about how natural this has become.
He guides Sunoo to stand, hands at his waist to keep him steady, and helps him change into pajamas with quiet efficiency, tugging sleeves down properly, smoothing fabric over his shoulders.
“You’re very bossy tonight,” Sunoo mutters faintly, can’t seem to fight the tired smile dancing across his lip. So fond of the older doing all this for him with a focused frown in his eyebrows.
“You’re very helpless tonight,” Sunghoon replies automatically.
Sunoo hums like that’s fair and lets himself be swayed by Sunghoon's motion.
When he finally crawls into bed, he doesn’t even hesitate before reaching for Sunghoon’s wrist.
“Sleep with me,” he says barely louder than a breath.
Sunghoon’s stomach flips anyway, because this was the part that scares him. It was never about the touching, the laughter or the teasing from the others.
It’s the space being made, the softness of his voice whenever he talked to the younger, the look in his eyes he couldn’t fight even in front of the cameras.
Now too, he can’t help the quiet indulgence. So he sits down on the edge of the bed, gently pulling the blanket up over Sunoo’s shoulders. Sunoo immediately scoots closer, pressing his face into Sunghoon’s stomach like he’s magnetized.
Sunghoon’s hands hover for half a second before settling in Sunoo’s hair. He strokes softly, even if his mind won’t shut up.
The thought presses briefly at the front of his mind. Something dangerously simple, something embarrassingly obvious, but he pushes it away before it can fully form.
What if this is selfish? What if he’s reading too much into it? What if loving Sunoo changes the balance of everything? What if the group dynamic shifts? What if it creates cracks? What if he isn’t careful enough? What if he hurts him, them, without meaning to?
The thoughts come one after another, low and relentless, like a song playing too quietly to ignore. He keeps stroking Sunoo’s hair anyway.
The younger’s breathing is already evening out. Warm and trusting, completely unaware of the storm building in Sunghoon’s head.
He can’t help looking down at him and feeling it again. That strange, steady fullness, that terrifying calm.
Because he isn’t panicking, he isn’t even unsure anymore. He’s just afraid of breaking something good.
He leans down slightly, brushing his lips against Sunoo’s temple without thinking and under his breath. So quiet he almost doesn’t register it himself, he murmurs “I love you.”
It just slips out like it’s been sitting at the back of his tongue for months and finally got tired of waiting.
Sunghoon freezes immediately and his hand stills in Sunoo’s hair. For a moment he hears his heart slamming hard once, twice, before leaning back against the headboard.
The emotion that rushed through him was not regret, that much he knew with absolute certainty. It felt closer to embarrassment, a quiet heat creeping up his neck as the realization settled in his chest. Maybe it had been too fast. Maybe Sunoo hadn’t even heard him. He might already be asleep, too far gone to catch the words that had slipped out so carelessly. It had been quiet, barely more than a breath against the dark of the room. For a moment Sunghoon even wondered if he had imagined saying it at all.
He told himself not to move. Not to react. Not to turn it into something bigger than it needed to be.
Then Sunoo shifted slightly in his arms, and Sunghoon felt his stomach drop.
Slowly, painfully slowly, Sunoo cracks one eye open. Just one. And looks up at him.
There’s no confusion there. Just sleepy awareness.
Sunghoon’s mouth goes dry. He immediately debates pretending it didn’t happen, debates saying it was nothing. But before he can say a single word, Sunoo pushes himself up just enough to reach him.
His hand comes up, curling lightly in the fabric of Sunghoon’s shirt.
He leans forward and kisses him square across his lips. Unbelievably soft and urgent at the same time and so warm in that sleepy, unguarded way that feels almost unreal.
When he pulls back, his eyes are barely open, lashes heavy, but his pupils twinkle with something so sweet, it’s the look Sunghoon is addicted to.
“I love you too,” Sunoo murmurs, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Why are you whispering like it’s a secret?”
Sunghoon just stares at him. Because the world didn’t tilt. Nothing cracked or lit on fire, no alarms went off.
Because Sunoo isn’t scared, he was the only one between the two of them who never was.
“You overthink too much,” Sunoo mumbles faintly, pulls Sunghoon down with him. “Get under the sheets, will you,” already drifting again.
Sunghoon lets himself be pulled down completely and Sunoo nestles back into Sunghoon’s chest like he didn’t just undo months of spiraling in three seconds.
Sunghoon’s breath shakes out of him in something dangerously close to a laugh. He wraps his arms fully around Sunoo now, pulling him closer, pressing his cheek into his hair.
The fear that had been clawing at him loosens.
Because maybe loving him was never the dangerous part. Maybe holding it back was.
Sunoo sighs softly, fingers loosening gently around Sunghoon’s forearm as he slips back to sleep. And Sunghoon realizes, almost in disbelief, that this feels easy and so fucking right.
He presses another kiss into Sunoo’s hair, this time without hesitation.
And lets himself stop bracing for something that was never going to break.