Chapter Text
Being face-to-face with Shane again would probably always remind him of the adrenaline that they’d burn through together after the game. It was still exciting, but now when they saw each other at the face off, it equally felt like waking up holding each other the next morning. It felt like the lightness of requited love instead of the angst of longing disrupted with moments of satisfaction.
Ilya definitely preferred what they have now. But the same, somewhat older, excitement vibrated under these moments. Rivals, still.
Even Ilya knew that Montreal would go home the winners, but Ilya - the Centaurs - would at least give them a run for their money. They were still trying to find their synergy. Much better than his first year on the team but with a lot of recent changes, they were still working on where who would land when it came to the lines. Tonight they were trying something different.
Something that still needed practice, because Montreal did win. The Centaurs left the ice first, while Montreal celebrated needlessly long, in Ilya’s view, for an expected win.
“Rosanov,” Weibe called to him through the door of the locker room, “The media is asking for you first.” This was now the expected routine, so he was already pulling all the gear off until he was down to his branded compression gear.
They were questions he had prepped with Harris and Yuna through the week. No surprises. And he was a very respectable hockey player. It would have made Shane proud. He made the excuse after only a couple of questions about being very hungry, and promised to see them all in a few days after their next home game.
It wasn’t a lie. Ilya and Shane had worked each other hard, racing back and forth the rink more than they had in at least a couple of years. Ilya grinned while hoping to remember to bring that up while he was pounding Hollander later that evening. Shane would surely tell Ilya to fuck off, the only thing he could manage when he was well and truly flustered.
Ilya was half way to the locker room when he looked up, and noticed Shane on the ground, leaning against the wall just a few feet from the Centaurs locker room.
“Hollander - you okay?” Ilya practically yelled from too far away. He looked back to the press, and luckily no one had noticed. It was common to hear the players yelling in that hallway. There was no response from Shane which caused him to pick up his pace. Weibe had heard, and was coming towards Shane from the other direction. Wiebe got their first and checked his pulse.
“Shane?” Ilya grabbed Shane’s jaw, as he always did, and moved his head to a more comfortable position.
“His pulse is really high,” Weibe said to Ilya, looking down towards the media. “Let’s get him into the locker room before they realise they want pictures of this.” Ilya nodded and took Shane’s arm over his shoulder, waiting for Weibe to copy him. “Okay.” Weibe nodded his readiness towards Ilya.
Ilya grabbed his legs with his other hand when he realised they were dragging, blocking Shane entirely from anyone from down the hall who might capture this on film.
The pair sat Shane down on a bench closest to the door. His neck stayed rigid, as did his core, but his arms and legs just hung. Ilya kept holding Shane, until they could figure out what was happening.
“Hollander.” Ilya said, with some panic creeping in to his voice, as he watched Shane’s eyes flick everywhere all at once. Ilya lifted an arm, and let it go just over Shane’s own thigh. It came down, with no resistance to the drop.
Still pinning him up with one hand, he squatted on the locker room floor just in front of Shane. “Have you seen this before, Coach?” Ilya asked. He surely hadn’t.
“It’s new to me, Rosanov. I think I have to get medical involved. Can you watch him until I get back?”
“Please hurry.” Ilya sat back next to Shane on the bench, one of his one legs over Shane’s, and one hand lightly on his neck to keep his head steady. His other hand ran the largest circles he could on Shane’s back. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but maybe this was a panic attack.
Ilya took a quick look around the room, noticing that people’s attention was now on them. Concern showing on their faces for the opposing team captain. No one asked anything about what was happening, or why he was being so physical with his rival. He was thankful for that because he didn’t have any answers for them. He was barely holding it together as was. His strong boy, so frail. He pulled Shane a little closer.
Just as Ilya’s eyes started to fill with his helplessness, more than sadness, Bood asked if he needed any help.
“Da, yes. Can you go find Hayden Pike? Maybe their coach if you see him. But definitely Pike.” Bood nodded, taking the left at the door, toward the visiting locker room.
Ilya tried to squeeze Shane’s hand - more specifically, he wanted to see if Shane would squeeze back. Nothing. Normally he’d give him cold water, but, he didn’t want to risk drowning him if he couldn’t swallow. Ilya begged him in Russian to be fine, to be alive, to please move. He went back to holding Shane’s face in his hands and looked at Shane’s eyes. He was focusing but his eyes were bounding around in a way that Ilya had never seen eyes do before. Almost like a scared animal surrounding by wolves, panicked. Scared.
He whispered, “You will be okay Hollander, I promise.” He hoped it would settle Shane, and maybe even himself.
“Voyager incoming!” Booed shouted from the doorway, pointing Hayden to Shane.
“What the fuck! What happened?” Hayden said, sitting on the other side of Shane so he and Ilya were face to face.
“That’s why I got you. I found him like this, just there, by the door. Coach is gone to get medical - but may be line up.” Ilya explained. Both men were rubbing Shane’s shoulders in circles as they spoke. It would probably lead people to ask questions about how they both came to do the same thing, but it was because they both talked him down from panic attacks and knew what he needed.
“Thanks to you,” Pike snarked.
“Later, Pike. What happened when Hollander was off ice?”
“Oh! He got a call from Mrs. Hollander! We went to the hall so he could hear her.” Pike answered. “He didn’t come back.”
“Oke. You can hold him?” Ilya asked, genuinely unsure as Pike was almost as panicky himself at times, especially where Shane was concerned. With a nod of reassurance, Ilya got up and went to grab his phone, before resuming his spot next to Shane.
“Calling Yuna” Ilya explained. But there was no answer. Ilya wouldn’t keep calling nonstop, but he did text her to call him immediately when she got where she was going. He did find this unusual because Yuna and David were supposed to wait for the boys because they were going back to Ilya’s to eat that evening.
Just as Ilya has placed his phone, face down on his thigh, Weibe came through the door with someone from medical. “Terry’s with Comeau right now. This is Michelle. Terry told her a few things to check, and then we just have to get the kid down to medial. Maybe 20-30 minutes he said.”
“Hey, if you need us out of your way, just let us know,” Hayden offered.
Ilya jumps in, with a question that just hit him. “Hayden, have you ever seen him like this before?” Michelle seemed to appreciate the question, and looked to Hayden for the answer.
“Never.”
“Have you seem him take pills?” Ilya asked again, this time Michelle was checking Shane’s eyes, and his pulse, and temperature.
“Like, drugs?” Hayden asked, shocked that Ilya would ask that question in front of everyone.
“A prescription, yes.”
“I didn’t know he had a prescription,” Hayden looked at Ilya with a new curiosity.
Ilya looked at Shane, into his quickened pupils. Michelle watching on, not saying anything. “You need to take your meds if you want them to work, idiot.” Of course Shane doesn’t respond.
“Did anyone see what happened?” Michelle asked the room.
Ilya looks at Pike, who answers, “All I know is he was talking to his mom in the visitors change room, and went to the hall. I think it was something serious, but I don’t know what.”
“And then we found him like this.” Ilya finished as his phone started to ring. Ilya picked his phone up off of his own thigh. “Yuna! What is happening?”
“David is having a heart attack. I left my keys with Jackie Pike so you boys could drive to the hospital. Please don’t let Shane drive, Ilya.”
“Da, I won’t. How bad?” Ilya waited for a moment before letting Yuna know the crisis he was having with Shane right now.
“The ambulance from the arena took us. They gave him some nitroglycerin. They have to do a bunch of tests, but he seems to be on the other side of it. I’m just sitting here waiting. Have you seen Shane?” Yuna asked, knowing that she probably panicked him.
“Ah, yes.” Ilya said, trying to think quickly for the words to tell Yuna that her baby was having his own medical crisis that no one could explain yet. “There’s something I have to tell you about Shane.”
“I probably panicked him. I’m so sorry Ilya. I was in a rush.”
“No, no. Um. There are no answers yet. It’s been less than 10 minutes. Shane collapsed. No one saw what happened. He is awake, but not speaking. Heart rate is high still. Arms, legs not moving, not talking. He is breathing.”
“Ilya what are you telling me right now?”
“That Shane is alive, but there is something strange happening that we don’t have answers for. You can’t be in two places at once - David needs you too. I’ll take care of Shane. He will be okay. When doctor sees him, I’ll call back, okay? I might need permission.”
“Ilya! Do whatever you have to do!”
“And Yuna, can you tell Shane that David is okay, please. One second” Ilya positioned the phone to Shane’s ear and said loud enough for Yuna “Okay, he’s listening.”
When Ilya heard the sobs on the line, he took the phone back. “Yuna, he will be fine. It’s one of David’s puzzles right now, but we’ll have answers soon, da. I have to go. Take care of David.”
“Roasanov - you mentioned meds. Do you know which ones? What for?” Michelle asked, ready with a pen to write it down.
“For anxiety. I don’t know name. You punch them out of pack.” Ilya almost whispered, hoping no one else would hear, but now his whole team was looking on to what was happening.
Weibe spoke for the first time in a while, “I should probably go let Theriault know about this.”
“That’s okay. Terry should be able to pull that up. Do you have his medicare number? Not sure if he’s OHIP or RAMQ.” Michelle knelled down to Shane’s level again, and asked Shane, “Let’s try something together, okay. I think you can understand us. Can you blink your eyes? Give it a try.”
Shane’s eyes closed, and reopened. Ilya closed his eyes and moved his hand to Shane’s shoulder.
“Do it again, like you mean it.” Michelle joked. And again, his eyes opened and closed.
“Okay, that’s good news. Can you do it twice in a row?” And he does.
“That’s great Shane!” She said louder than anything else she had said. “I know you’re probably really scared right now…” And Shane’s eyes blinked twice, breaking Ilya’s heart, making Ilya whimper outloud for everyone to hear. “That’s understandable. But you’re going to be fine. Maybe sooner than you think, but I can’t say more before I talk to the doctor again.” She stood up, “I’m going to go down and talk to Terry before he comes up here. I should go back in case he needs me and this is slowing everything down. But if you guys find me those meds in his bags, his medicare card, it would be be helpful.”
Ilya moves Shane’s head toward him. “I bet you really, really want a shower right now, huh?” Shane blinked twice. “Are you comfortable with me helping you with that?” Shane blinked one easily, and Ilya thought for a moment that this would be too much for Shane, but then a second blink happened. “Alright.”
When Ilya looked at Hayden he had a shocked look on his face, but he managed to stay silent. Hayden knew that Shane would be fine with this, but the shock of Ilya’s whole locker room now knowing that Ilya and Shane would be showering together was a lot. His eyes expressed everything.
“Hayden, I need you to grab all his bags and bring them here. I suspect my team will be more comfortable with this than yours.”
Hayden nodded, “Yup! I’ll be right back.” He patted Shane on the shoulder, “Try to breath, buddy. I can imagine how weird this is for you right now.” Ilya shifted positions pinning Shane again with a hand to the chest while he tried to think about the next steps for him and Shane showering. He noticed everyone stood still, quietly watching in horror as to what was happening to Golden Boy, Shane.
This is when Wiebe came back into the locker room, Theriault in tow. He looked at Rosanov’s hand and looked back at Wiebe, “Why does Rosanov have Hollander pinned?”
“Well, we found him collapsed out there in the hallway and figured someone shout make sure he was okay. Rosanov has been watching him since he left the media.”
“Well, he’s awake now, so he can let Hollander go.”
“Not exactly. He can’t seem to move. Our doc is stitching up one of your players, then he’s going to come up. His assistant just left with some information to help.” Wiebe explained. “But you’re welcome to sit there and hold him yourself, if you want. The Captain seems to have it figured out.”
“Will he be able to play?”
“I am not the staff doctor, Theriault.”
Hayden interrupted, returning with all of Shane’s bags. Hockey gear, jacket, overnight bag, his suit. Ilya pointed to the benches, now where no one was sitting down. Hayden returned to his former position and held Shane so that Ilya could start getting things ready for the shower. He couldn’t imagine what Theriault was going to say about this. There was a reason their team were full of homophobes, and it wasn’t because of their captain or assistant captain.
“Got him?” Ilya asked. Hayden nodded, freeing Rosanov to go through Shane’s bags for everything he would need for a shower. He didn’t bother with his own. He walked to the shower and arranged a bench to where he suspected would get hit by the water. This would have to be a very quick shower.
“What is he doing?” Theriault asked Hayden as Ilya walks around the corner to come back for Shane, having already grabbed some towels to put on a dry part of the bench he was using to sit Shane on.
“He wants a shower.” Ilya said bluntly. “Is that still okay, Shane?” Shane blinks twice. Ilya notices Hayden looking at his coach waiting for his reaction. “He can communicate, two blinks yes, one is no. You can get someone else to do it if you want.” Ilya shrugged, knowing that no one else was going to do this.
“And what? You’re going to shower with him?”
Ilya nods, not making eye contact, “I haven’t yet, so yes. We’ve played on the same team before, and showered in the same room just fine.”
“But you weren’t washing him.”
“Want to Chaperone, Mr. Theriault?” Ilya removed all of his gear, and put a towel around himself. In a sudden staring contest then with Theriault, “I helped my dad this way when he had dementia. This is not new to me.”
“Uh, no. No, I’ll leave you to it.”
“We’ll get you when doctor comes, da?” Weibe grinned at Ilya then, realising that he was glad that Rosanov seemed to like him because he had never been subjected to this himself. Theriault seemed to take the hint and left the Centaurs locker room.
“Pike, move.” He commanded quietly, which Pike raced to do. Ilya stabilised himself, and lifted Shane entirely off the bench and took him to the shower room, where he removed the last few things on Shane’s body. He didn’t know prior to this moment if Shane’s body was reacting and he didn’t want to potentially embarrass him in this state more than was necessary.
“Ok, Kotik. New Adventure!” Ilya said, turning the water on. “Is it too hot?” Ilya asked, looking into Shane’s eyes. One blink. “Is it okay?” Two blinks. “Such a good boy” Ilya whispered finally kissing Shane’s forehead. Shane was sitting facing Ilya, instead of toward the shower. Ilya started with Shane’s hair. He had done this too many times to count, so this was actually really comfortable not just for Ilya, but probably Shane. Ilya decided to steal a quiet kiss on the lips. He even coaxed them open, and slipped his tongue in for a moment.
The conditioner was next, which smelled almost the same as the shampoo. This was when he noticed Shane’s eyes darting all over Ilya’s body.
“You think I’m hot?” Ilya asked quietly, grinning. Many blinks then, causing Ilya to laugh out loud. “Pervert,” He whispered. Ilya washed himself, allowing Shane to continue looking at him. He winked at Shane, teasing him in all the ways he knew he could without being cruel or inappropriate for someone who couldn’t communicate. “This game would be fun, if I wasn’t so fucking scared right now.” Ilya said quietly. He could hear people talking in the locker room again. Hushed, quietly, but they were talking amongst themselves.
Ilya delighted in washing every bit of Shane’s body. And then shut off the water, wrapping his upper body in a towel to keep him warm and another one for his waist. Ilya wanted to get dressed first just because it was easier to manage one loose appendage, rather than two. Ilya dried himself next, and said to Shane, “Thank you for trusting me.” He lifted Shane, taking a moment to make sure everything that one wants covered around new people was in fact covered.
Wiebe was still there, and Hayden, Bood, Wyatt, Hass. Ilya set Shane in a new spot, and Hayden nodded, walking the length to sit down next to Shane and help him stay propped up while Ilya got dressed. With all but the suit jacket on, he rolled up the sleeves while moving towards Shane’s things.
“Shane, I was asked to look for your meds. Do you have them with you?” One blink.
“Okay.” Ilya said shaking his head once while looking at Shane. By now, Ilya had found Shane’s under shirt that he liked to wear with crisp white shirts. Ilya had found out a while ago that he was self conscious about the colour of his nipples showing through his shirts. Ilya removed the towel from Shane’s shoulders and dried Shane’s hair with it before tossing it to the laundry. He put it one arm through, then the neck, and then he manipulated the other arm through the remaining shirt hole. “Does that feel okay?” He asked Shane, moving so that he could see Shane’s eyes. Two blinks. Ilya left the bottom towel in place as he worked Shane’s boxer briefs up his legs. When finally in place, he moved that towel too.
“You’re surprisingly good at that” Wyatt stated.
“Regrettable practice.” Ilya said, putting Shane’s pants on, and then socks, and dress shoes before temporarily standing Shane up to pull the pants the rest of the way up and buttoned first, then zipped. He set Shane down and searched through Shane’s bags for his medicare card, which was with the rest of Shane’s documents. No one noticed, or at least didn’t say, that he ‘found’ it incredibly quickly.
When Ilya turned back to Shane, Pike and Bood were already standing Shane up, to start toward the medical bay.
Weibe slapped Rosanov on the opposite should in a side hug. “Your father was a very lucky man.”
“Too bad he did not know.” Ilya replied.