Local Immortal Active On Twitter, Causes Chaos

by valiantlybold

Summary:

Harry floats between dimensions and ended up in Gotham. Now he's on twitter and the whole world is stuck dealing with the consequences.

Notes:

just messing around, having fun, and this sort of happened, idk if theres gonna be more or not but im not making promises either way

idc about the twitter character limit or whatever, keep ur complaints to urself or leave

let me know if tags are missing

(edited formatting)

Chapter 1

undead on main @GothamsMOD
long story short: genocidal freak killed my parents, grew up abused with relatives, magic, chosen one, saved the world like 11 times before 17, immortal, deaths big daddy (the actual grim reaper is literally my bitch) jumped dimensions, hi gotham
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
the food here is shit
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
why is my shower the equivalent of a light drizzle??? Do u ppl not know about water pressure and stuff??? Thank god for magic bc im NOT dealing with this nonsense
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
okay well im just gonna go to the bathroom and have a sexy little mental breakdown brb
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
magic is so tight dude i pay $600 rent for a room in a 3room apartment and then i do my magic shit and now its got bedroom, living room, library, kitchen, full bath and more man i got an enchanted string quartet serenading me while i pound red solo cups of 5$ boxed wine lounging in a sexy clawfoot bathtub
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
how am i supposed to read the stars if i cant see the fuckers why is this place so fucking cloudy
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
there i fixed it

Gotham Gazette ☑ @GothamGazette
BREAKING NEWS: Gotham’s night sky is visible for the first time in three years! Local man claims on social media to have cleared the sky to allow him to “read the stars”. We continue to monitor the situation. Police representatives advise caution.
READ MORE: goth.am/283192
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamGazette
dw theyll be back in a few hours

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
you got some cool stars tho

undead on main @GothamsMOD
@Justice_League stars say the worlds gonna end on tuesday three weeks from now
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Gotham Gazette ☑ @GothamGazette
BREAKING NEWS: The Justice League press release states the alien invading force that orbited our sun this past week has been repelled through negotiation and a peace treaty has been signed by world leaders and representatives from the Justice League. The release also states that they are grateful to twitter user @GothamsMOD whose apparent clairvoyance warned of the impending threat and allowed the League to be prepared for the situation.
READ MORE: goth.am/921552
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamGazette
ur welcome @Justice_League

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
if u want ur future read, email link in bio and ill see what i can do

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
really wishing yall had some unicorns in this shit dimension. Deaths being a whiny bitch about having to cross the veil just to get me some unicorn hairs. Srsly this bitch just does NOT shut the hell up!!! Like we get it, u emo cunt, slavery is immoral, but like dont make it so a literal teenage boy can fall ass over tits into the position as MASTER OF DEATH then??? Not to victim blame but u LITERALLY made this possible??? Going around giving out presents like ur santa, not expecting me to ACCIDENTALLY go pokemon and collect em all..... Whiny ass bitch and yes i can see you reading this hoe shut ur mouth u literally have corpse breath, mouth breathing ass hoe
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
this wayne guy kinda fine might have to break into his house and sniff his pillow
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Bruce Wayne ☑ @waynebruce
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Please don’t.

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @waynebruce
too late ur shampoo smells great i stole a bottle

Bruce Wayne ☑ @waynebruce
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Hey, quick question: what’s your address? I’m totally not going to ask Batman to visit you.

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @waynebruce
tell him if he gets here before eight he can hit it raw, any later and i cant be arsed with the mess and thats literal

Bruce Wayne ☑ @waynebruce
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
..........forget I said anything.

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
if i ever ask u "can i bum a fag" remember that im british and those words dont mean that but also yes i can bc im the faggiest fag youll ever see
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
literally had a very tiny 2 second crush on the loser that killed my parents bc i saw him as a teen and damn if he wasnt smoking hot before he went insane and turned himself into a snake person and literally ripped his soul apart and doomed himself to the torment of being completely alone in a white room for all eternity in a psychosomatic body without skin or muscles and constant agony with nothing but his own thoughts to consume him

a knife 🔪🔪@SuperSabre
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Thats......awfully specific??

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @SuperSabre
yeah but its cool u wont go there or anything, i mean unless you decide to tear your soul apart which i think is kind of impossible in this dimension since no ones yet to be stupid enough to try it.

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
i mean, live ur dream or whatever, just know if you do manage it, ill be there to have a laugh at you once in a millennia or so

kirk u @kobayashibaboon
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Wait does this mean there IS an afterlife? Like heaven and hell??? Reincarnation???

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @kobayashibaboon
Afterlife? Yes. Heaven and hell? No. Reincarnation? Sort of. Its more like all the souls just end up in one big soup and now and then, a big scoop is taken out and poured into a new body but like, it might not be all you? Like, its kind of impossible to separate the salt from the water when your making soup, yeah? So a bit of u comes along, a bit of them and them and them and its all mixed up to make a new person

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Basically:
Afterlife = eternal soupstock
Reincarnation = a nice bowl of soup
Death = the guy making sure the pot doesnt boil over
Me = the guy making sure the other guy is watching the pot rather than faffing about on his phone

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
if ur name is chris, 31-ish, born in june, and have a birthmark on your left ribs, the stars are basically saying fuck you in particular so i recommend wearing a helmet or smth if youre leaving your house in the coming two weeks or so.... Maybe call in sick to work to be safe?? Idk im just the messenger
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
no one lets me use the senior discount :( im ageless, literally the most seniorest senior
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
Landlord mad im sacrificing chickens like damn do this country got religious freedom or not???
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Be glad im sacrificing a chicken dude the instructions call for a human infant but thats high key weird and chickens have more blood so...........you know

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
batman think he the shit he aint even the fart
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
id probably still suck his dick tho ngl

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
You: tell me, great sage, what mysterious wisdom do the stars share today? How read the portents?
Me: id fuckin love to tell u but all ur fuckin light pollution means i cant see dick so do smth abt that then get back to me k?
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
whomst the fuck is rash ass gun and why is he in my dms????
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Justice League of America @Justice_League
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
If you mean Ra’s al Ghul, he is an extremely dangerous man and is currently on several terror watchlists around the world. DO NOT INTERACT WITH HIM, for your own safety!

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @Justice_League
dw i sent my main bitch death to see him i aint got no time for scrub immortals like that fuck him and his toxic bong water bathtub

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
u want someone cursed? paypal me five dollars and a name sis idgaf
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
John Preston, get cursed with male pattern baldness

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Amelia Byron, the heel on every pair of high heels you wear will snap

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Zhao Yaozhu, youll dribble sauce on all ur shirts

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
You: share your knowledge, grandmaster of the occult, what whispers can be heard from beyond the veil?
Me: pull up a seat the tea is piping hot
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
john constantine count your fucking days
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Justice League of America @Justice_League
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Constantine doesn’t know what "a twitter" is but if you tell us what your grievance is, we’ll be sure to discuss it with him!

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @Justice_League
motherfucker sold his soul 19 times then died and returned 4 times, and im getting real fucking sick of dealing with his shit. u tell that bitch if he pulls that shite ONE MORE TIME ill personally make sure the extradimensional beings hes stupid enough to claim are "demons" have free reign to turn his soul into confetti

Justice League of America @Justice_League
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
They’re demons, kid. - Constantine

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @Justice_League
thats it youre cursed have fun tripping on nothing every fourth step and banging your shins on literally everything i hate u and also alcohol/drugs have no effect on u fucking alcoholic bitch

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
and nergal says u a bitch

Justice League of America @Justice_League
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Im going to fucking find you, you little shit - Constantine

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @Justice_League
looking forward to it bitch

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
joker really tried to run up on me like that huh?
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Gotham Gazette ☑ @GothamGazette
BREAKING NEWS: Gotham rogue, the Joker, found dead at 3AM this morning! The body was recovered by police and after an autopsy was performed, the body was immediately cremated. Cause of death currently remains unknown.
READ MORE: goth.am/673153
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamGazette
no one worry, i had death eat his soul so no chance of resurrection or any other weird shite goin on in this stupid ass dimension

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
@JL_Superman ur ppl are the stubbornest assholes in the universe literally nagged death til she made me come see em in the soup
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
lara and jor smth i think said theyre proud of u and love u and theyre glad u have a nice life here and stuff

Superman ☑ @JL_Superman
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Was it Lara Lor-Van? Jor-El?

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @JL_Superman
ya thats it

Superman ☑ @JL_Superman
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Those are my parents! Thank you so much for this, I appreciate it more than I can ever say. Is there anything I can do for you, in return? As a thank you?

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @JL_Superman
i mean if u really wanna, i guess i can maybe think of smth??

Superman ☑ @JL_Superman
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
Great!! I don’t think I could ever truly show you how grateful I am for this, but I’m sure gonna try! (As long as it doesn’t include hurting anyone and stuff!!)

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @JL_Superman
yeah np ill hit u up if i think of smth

Superman ☑ @JL_Superman
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
♥️🥂🎉😁✨🌸💙

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
bro i just made the philosophers stone boutta saturate the gold market 158$ per gram we goin wild gang
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
made 6 millies selling bars to that freaky bald loser in metropolis

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
stole it back bc fuck that guy

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
cops questioned me they cant prove shit im a free man get fucked baldie

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undead on main @GothamsMOD
baldie tryna sue me he dont know ive gone to law school 6 times
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
i won the case i got a restraining order and 10 millies in damages we stay winning fam

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Gotham Gazette ☑ @GothamGazette
BREAKING NEWS: Metropolis tycoon Lex Luthor found deceased in his home by personal assistant. The police are investigating all possibilities, but inside sources claim the death appeared to be of natural causes.
READ MORE: goth.am/837401
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undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamGazette
it wasnt me

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
okay maybe it allegedly was me who knows u cant prove anything

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
cops questioned me still couldn’t prove anything

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
the fact i bought like 30% of shares in lexcorp when the price tanked bc of the news has nothing to do with anything

undead on main @GothamsMOD
↳ replying to @GothamsMOD
not that anyone can prove anyway