Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Pieces on the Board
It was a fairly regular day in Hell. It had been months since the events of Vox’s psychotic master plan, and everyone had tried to go back to normal after that.
The hotel staff returned to promoting the Hazbin Hotel. Overlords slowly went back to their usual business. Angels visited from time to time to help with Heaven’s public image. Alastor continued plotting how to use Lucifer to become the most powerful demon in Hell. And the Vees… well, the Vees were still upset with each other, especially Velvette and Valentino, who were still pissed at Vox.
And it was obvious in the atmosphere, especially on days like this one, when the overlords gathered for a meeting. They were discussing how they were going to handle Heaven’s new approach to Hell and the negotiations surrounding the hotel’s redemption program.
Velvette sat next to Valentino, clearly annoyed with the entire discussion. Working with angels to expand the hotel’s redemption program? She scoffed.
“Is this for fucking real? What are we now? A charity?” she muttered while texting on her phone.
Carmilla shot her a sharp glare.
“Velvette, would it kill you to pay attention and discuss something with the rest of us for once? We are trying to avoid any possible future extermination. We also need to discuss how we’re going to handle this new approach from Heaven. Personally, I would prefer Heaven minding their own business and Hell doing the same.”
Valentino lazily exhaled smoke.
“Just shoot those bitches, Carmilla. You’ve got angelic weapons for that mami.”
Carmilla sighed.
“We all know how that ended. Attacking Heaven without reason will never have a good outcome. We need to be strategic.”
“Oh COME ON! Did you forget we’re overlords? We can fucking make it better this time!” Vox said.
Everyone ignored him.
They gave him the cold shoulder. They were all clearly still pissed at him.
Vox, currently reduced to just a head on top of the table, was getting visibly annoyed at being ignored.
“You’re all stupid. Did you know that?” Vox snapped.
Velvette groaned.
“Valentino, can you please tell your stupid ex-boyfriend to shut the fuck up?”
Valentino glared at her.
“I’m not your messenger, Velvette! Why don’t you tell him to stop showing up to meetings and embarrassing all of us?”
Vox growled.
“Just wait and see! Soon I’ll have my body back and you’ll all wish you’d been nicer to me, you fuckers!”
The TV head bounced angrily on the table, his screen glitching with static in humiliation.
“Wow, Carmilla. It seems the tablet is losing its head.”
Alastor’s voice echoed through the room as he entered, late as always, walking like he owned the place.
“Shut the fuck up, you old relic!” Vox spat.
Alastor ignored him, just like everyone else.
“Stop it, Alastor,” Carmilla warned. “We are trying to discuss an important matter here. It would be nice if you cared for once. So stop being difficult. Some ideas would be highly appreciated.”
Alastor pretended to think.
“Hmmmm… I’ve got an idea for you! How about you stop this nonsense so we can all go back to doing actual overlord things? Some of us have functional plans.”
“Hah! As if any of your plans would work without manipulation… or BREAKING the rules…”
Vox smirked.
“…like your BROKEN staff.”
And that did it! Alastor’s eye twitched.
Since the 'incident', the overlords had a silent agreement to ignore Vox completely. They all knew that ignoring someone as attention-hungry as him was the worst punishment possible.
But that insult hit a nerve.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Vox. What did you say?” Alastor asked sweetly. “It’s hard to understand you when you talk while LOSING your HEAD.”
Alastor laughed.
The other overlords groaned. They all knew exactly what was about to happen...
Two massive egos were about to collide.
Carmilla sighed in defeat.
“Alright. Meeting adjourned. I’m… I’m done.”
She walked out of the room, and one by one the other overlords followed her, muttering in annoyance.
Soon the room was empty, except for the two of them.
“No, of course I’m not losing it,” Vox snapped. “At least I still have a company. You, on the other hand… it seems your magic stick BENT under pressure.”
He laughed.
Alastor grinned wider.
“Oh ho ho! Good one, old pal! Let me give you a… STANDING ovation.”
“Oh please do,” Vox replied smugly. “But be careful. Wouldn’t want you to trip over your own ego and BREAK it in HALF.”
Alastor’s smile twitched slightly.
He walked over, grabbed Vox’s head off the table, and leaned close.
“Listen to me, you piece of lousy technological crap,” Alastor said quietly. “You stopped being amusing a long while ago. Or what? Did your failure go OVER your HEAD?”
He carried Vox toward the exit and casually dropped him into the nearest garbage can.
“Oh, you fucking outdated asshole!” Vox shouted from inside the garbage can. “You think you’re so smug! And how’s your plan going, huh? We all know you’re after Lucifer! And judging by the fact that it’s been months and you’re still an overlord with a broken staff… it’s clearly not working out.”
Right at that moment, a crazy, ridiculous idea crossed Vox’s mind. He wasn’t sure if he was truly that desperate to climb back to the top and overthrow Alastor, or if he was finally losing his mind. Still, he decided to give the twisted idea a chance and began his pitch.
Vox grinned.
“No progress at all huh? Just what I thought. You’re still losing, baby. ”
Alastor stopped.
“Come again?” he said slowly.
His antlers grew slightly larger, his smile darkened, and his eyes flashed green with anger as he pulled Vox out of the garbage.
Vox smirked.
“Oh, and that’s not even the best part! haven’t you heard the news? Soon enough, Lilith will come back. And once she does, she and Lucifer will be the strongest beings in Hell.”
He laughed.
“You don’t have a chance, broken relic.”
Alastor’s grip tightened.
“As if you’re in any better condition,” he replied coldly. “Reduced to what? A talking tablet with no influence left in Hell and hated by everyone, including your beloved Vees?”
That was low.
But Vox forced another smug grin.
“Well, you should have accepted my proposal YEARS ago! If you had, we would’ve overthrown Hell by now.”
Alastor rolled his eyes.
“Again with that ridiculous fantasy of yours. If we had ever partnered up, you would have ruined our reputation far worse than it already is.”
Vox scoffed, his screen flickering with irritation.
“Oh please. Don’t pretend you’ve been thriving lately, radio crap. You’re still stuck playing babysitter at that ridiculous hotel, and your little power grab with Lucifer hasn’t exactly paid off, has it?”
Alastor’s grin tightened.
“My affairs are none of your concern, useless picture box.”
“Yeah? Because from where I’m standing, well… technically lying, it looks like you’ve been circling the same chessboard for months without making a single move.”
Vox leaned back slightly in Alastor’s grip, his voice turning smug.
“And now Lilith’s coming back. You know what that means, right?”
Alastor said nothing.
“Lucifer and Lilith,” Vox continued, “the royal power couple of Hell. United front, matching crowns, happily ruling the whole damn board.”
His screen glowed brighter.
“And us?” Vox chuckled. “we’re going to be reduced to spectators.”
Alastor’s smile sharpened.
“Careful, Vox. Your head might inflate beyond its current… limitations.”
“Oh relax,” Vox replied. “I’m not mocking you.”
He paused for a second, waiting for Alastor to throw him against the wall. When he didn’t, Vox continued.
“I’m thinking about a solution to our predicament.”
Alastor raised an eyebrow.
“That’s rich. If this is another one of your stupid partnership ideas, it’s a hard pass for me. I don’t feel like failing.”
“Think about it,” Vox continued. “You want influence. Top Lucifer! Real power. Not this… creepy, mysterious reputation nonsense you cling to.”
“And me?” Vox added smugly. “I want recognition. My respect back! Dominating the masses again! My empire!”
Alastor mocked him.
“When did you ever have respect? Hahaha!”
Vox glared at him.
“If you’re done playing house at the hotel with a broken staff and unpredictable powers, I suggest you hear my proposal.”
Alastor wasn’t really interested, but he was curious about Vox’s newest stupid plan.
“And what do you propose this time?”
Vox gave him a wide smirk...
“Marry me.”
Alastor froze.
He stayed perfectly still for a mortifyingly long moment.
“This is…” Alastor said seriously.
“The STUPIDEST idea I have ever heard you say!” Then he burst out laughing, loudly.
He laughed so hard he accidentally dropped Vox onto the floor.
“What the-?! You didn’t even let me finish, you piece of shit!” Vox yelled from the ground, his screen cracking slightly on impact.
Alastor barked out another laugh.
“Oh, that is adorable.”
Vox shot him an annoyed look.
“Fine! If you want to keep babysitting the hotel while you wait for a chance to get what you want from Lucifer and his cute little ducklings, be my guest.”
Vox made exaggerated mocking eyes when he said ducklings.
“But when the Queen comes back? We’re finished for good.”
Alastor stopped laughing.
He hated to admit it, but Vox had a point about Lilith’s return.
Still, he was far too stubborn to admit it out loud, and he despised making deals with Vox. They had known each other for years, and Alastor knew perfectly well that Vox would lie and manipulate everything to his advantage, not that Alastor wasn’t used to doing the same…
Vox continued anyway.
“Your power. My reach.”
“Your fear factor. My influence.”
“Your magic. My technology.”
“But this time, we combine what we’ve got left, rebuild our influence, and suddenly Hell’s favorite disaster duo becomes the most dangerous alliance in the city. They’ve already seen what we’re capable of on our own… imagine what they’d think if they knew we were together.”
Alastor allowed him to continue, if only for his own amusement.
“You’re very good at pitching ideas,” Alastor said lightly. “You even make the stupidest ones sound feasible. Please, do tell: what makes you believe I would marry you, creep? I can barely stand you as it is.”
Vox wore his cocky smile, slipping fully into his CEO negotiation tone.
“It doesn’t have to be real! That’s the best part. Yes, we sign a political marriage contract and make our relationship look convincing in public. But everything will be a façade until we get what we want and overthrow the King and Queen of Hell.”
Alastor tilted his head.
“You’re proposing we… lie about it? Just sign a contract to combine our powers until we overthrow Lilith and Lucifer?”
“Strategically, and temporarily! Of course,” Vox added quickly, his grin widening. “And when Lucifer and Lilith show up, acting like Hell’s hottest royal couple?”
His screen flickered with excitement. “We’ll already be the power couple!”
Alastor stared at him, then he laughed again loudly.
“Oh Vox… you stupid picture box.”
He set Vox’s head back on the table and leaned down slightly.
“What makes you believe this will actually work? We will definitely attempt to stab each other in the back within the first week”
Vox shrugged.
“Exactly! And that’s what would make it work. We already know how each other thinks, what we want, so writing a contract that reflects our expectations will be much easier. If we channel our hatred and cunning toward the royal couple instead of each other, this could actually work!”
Alastor gave him a questioning look.
For a moment, he said nothing.
His fingers tapped lightly against his bent staff as he considered the stupid idea.
A public alliance would shake Hell’s power structure.
It would be chaotic.
Unpredictable.
And most importantly…
It would be amusing.
Alastor wasn’t stupid. He knew about Vox’s strange obsession with him.
But perhaps he could use that to his advantage.
Vox would absolutely try to use this partnership to regain power, but this time, Vox was practically handing Alastor the perfect opportunity to turn the tables.
Alastor smirked internally.
Once he got what he wanted from Vox…He could simply strip him of everything he has and dispose of him.
Yes.
This arrangement could be quite useful!
Alastor pretended to hum thoughtfully.
“Well.”
He leaned closer, eyes glinting.
“I suppose that’s… quite a decent idea.”
Vox gasped.
“Are you seriously considering it?”
Alastor nodded slightly.
“Yes. But we will need to draft a proper contract to ensure we both get exactly what we want before Lilith returns.”
His smile sharpened.
“And that means no more idiotic plans like attempting to conquer Heaven with some ridiculous superweapon.”
He paused for a second.
“But yes… I believe we could give it a chance.”
Vox snorted.
“You could start by not being insufferable.”
Alastor ignored the comment.
“Well…” he said, his voice laced with radio static as he extended a hand mockingly. “Do we have a deal?”
Vox stared at him flatly. “I have no hands, you asshole.”
Alastor laughed. He could never get enough of mocking Vox.
“Right, we’ll see how this brilliant little plan of yours works tomorrow then.”
“Great! Meet me tomorrow at V Tower, same time." Said Vox, his head jumping on the table. "We’ll draft the marital contract, the terms of our alliance, and the timeframe.”
Then Vox paused for a second.
“So… uh… could you maybe take me back to V Tower? Velvette and Valentino already left…” Vox asked awkwardly, a hint of humiliation creeping into his voice.
Alastor stared at him for a long moment, pretending he was considering helping him.
“…Nope.”
He turned and walked toward the door.
“Good night, dear future husband!”
Alastor turned off the lights and closed the door behind him.
Vox was left alone on top of the table in the pitch-black meeting room.
“…Motherfucker.”