Chapter Text
Panic. Like that motherfucking party balloon that suddenly popped.
This isn’t my room, my bed, or anyplace I know.
Scratch that.
I do recognise this hoodie. Lime green isn’t a common color choice.
Dream the green teletubby –cough— character. Dream the character from the Dream SMP.
Shiiiit… not much of a character am I? I can feel the threads of this hoodie under my fingers, the places where the sleeve was caught by something and torn. The cold, stone floor under my bare feet and the almost-musty air cycling through my nose tell me that for all it has ever been worth, this is real.
Fucking A. Guess this is my life now.
It’s also around the beginning of exile too. Double fuck.
From the memories left to me, we’ve reached the point when people stopped visiting Tommy leaving Dream and Ranboo his only contacts. From here, Dream used this to manipulate Tommy into believing Dream was his only friend and worsen his mental state until Tommy nearly killed himself and ran away. This is not ok. I won’t be allowing it to happen here.
My problem is exactly what I do from here. I would prefer to just send Tommy back to L’Manburg, this could end in any number of ways. To my knowledge, Dream never just backed off in such a way without it being a trick to get their guard down or being followed by doubling down. Like when Tommy was first exiled, Tommy threatened the remains of Dream’s horse Spirit to get himself out of house arrest. Dream backed down at first, taking down the walls he had erected around L’Manburg. But he quickly rebuilt those walls even taller than before and changed his demand to Tommy being exiled.
Everyone with half a mind and an understanding of how Dream operates would be highly suspicious of my motivations. Likely leading to them attacking me before I could attack them, or something along those lines. So I would need to come with demands of some sort that would still be in character with Dreams usual motivations. At this point it’s obvious he wants control, but I’ve always believed that his need for control originally came from wanting his players to not hurt each other and keeping the peace. I definitely agree with keeping the peace and avoiding violence but I want to try and emulate Xisumavoid’s more hands off and neutral approach to admin-ing.
Another option of what to do about Tommy could be to just leave him alone. Stop visiting, don’t enforce exile, just completely drop the issue entirely. I think this is highly irresponsible considering Tommy is almost completely isolated from everyone and everything he knows. Who knows what he could do or what could happen to him. Honestly, I don’t think I would even be able to ditch him. Tommy’s wellbeing is essentially my responsibility in my mind, if only as some kind of fucked up parole officer. Tommy is scrappy and it’s entirely possible he’d figure out what to do with himself if left alone. But there are a lot of ‘if’s used to bet on his well being, were I to leave.
Option three would be leaving Tommy in exile, but continuing to supervise him. This would leave me the most control over the timeline. Almost sticking to the script, if you will. But I couldn't stomach this even if it was actually beneficial. Frankly, even if I simply checked in on Tommy regularly he would still be unconnected to people and untethered. Isolation and loneliness can literally be deadly, never mind the long term effects it has on developing children and teenagers who need social feedback to grow properly both socially and emotionally. Absolutely not happening.
Option four would be a bit of a cop out. I could theoretically send Tommy to live with someone else, like Techno or Sam. But making Techno deal with Tommy is a ticking time bomb on many fronts and while Sam could be a good influence I doubt Tommy would cooperate under circumstances obviously arranged by me. Never mind that I doubt Sam is much more equipped for helping Tommy than I am, even if the man is an ‘adultier adult’ than I am. Tommy is used to taking care of himself, robbing him of his autonomy by placing him under anyone’s care is a recipe for disaster and potentially hurting Tommy’s ability to get on his feet. Best to place him back in an environment he is familiar with, surrounded by people he knows, and let him heal himself with help as he requests. Let him have dignity after everything.
~*~
Getting dressed was eerily familiar, evidently my love of cargo pants and boots isn’t something I need to worry about being out of character. On my way out I grabbed an extra set of diamond armor for Tommy and upgraded it to netherite to try and compensate him for the gear Dream blew up at the very beginning of exile.
The boat ride to Logstedshire was long and gave me plenty of time to think about how I would explain this to Tommy and soon the rest of the server. I settled on as close to the truth as I could without… mentioning my being isekai’d. That’s between me, my code, and god. I realized exile and a bit of how I have handled this server are and were wrong. I’ll add in reasons I was wrong, how I plan to do better in the future, and apologize. With detail on how terrible I was and reparations if I can give them for the apologies. Hopefully the guy behind a great deal of the asshole-ish-ness admitting wrong, having an active plan ready for doing better, and stepping back to give everyone space will create a healthier environment. Hopefully. Man I am hoping.
I am betting a lot on the cooperation of people who rightfully hate my guts. Which is why I am going to be out of dodge as much as I can. A tactical retreat, if you will. In the event of violence towards my person. …I really need to do something about the three lives thing. And Wilbur. And Schlatt. What a grim to-do list.
~*~
Pulling up to Logstedshire, my first impression was that it might’ve been a pretty seaside spot in other circumstances. But it was eerily bleak and lonely with the white tent and few other man made objects on the bluff. I made sure my approach could be seen by Tommy from afar, he was sitting at his campfire in front of Tnret, trying to avoid spooking him. I took my armor off on the way and kept everything out of my hands.
He didn’t notice me even as I sat criss-cross at the campfire with him, my hands on my knees. Tommy would have appeared to be mesmerized by the flames without the empty look laden on his features.
I gathered my tact and mildly asked, “ You ok,Tommy?” He startled, perking up before curling into himself when he registered my presence, then seeming to internally rally himself, he straightened again.
“I’m good-great! Never been better, Where- how’ve you been Dream?” Tommy’s reply covered his anxiety with exuberance. Even as he spoke his eyes pinned my hands, our surroundings, and finally landed on my posture. He relaxed ever so slightly secure in his lay of the land and my calm mood.
I smiled slightly under my mask. “I’m… alright. Sorry for not visiting, I’ve had a thoughtful week.” A couple of hours at most, really. “I’m here today to apologize, and end your exile.” I fidgeted with the fabric of my pants nervously, pinching loose folds together and rubbing them against each other; carefully regulating my breath. Smile long gone.
“What?” Curt and incredulous, more of a statement than a question. The gears in Tommy’s brain screeching almost audibly. “R-really? I can go home?” He asked, hope trembling on his breath.
“Yes Tommy, I am retracting your ban from the Dream SMP proper and I doubt it will take long for Tubbo to retract the ban from L’Manburg. You can go home.” Tommy was practically vibrating so I slowly raised my hand to show I still had more. He eyed me warily but held it together. Thank fuck. “I am also here to apologise for… a lot. Going after you and tubbo for your discs, giving Wilbur the TNT, the many times I’ve threatened and harmed L’Manburg,”
I took a deep breath and removed my mask from my face. Placing it on my lap and looking at Tommy directly. He looked entirely flabbergasted and lost. I fought to keep my expression solemn –this is a serious moment dammit– focusing on the guilt. That did it. “All the times I threatened and hurt you and Tubbo, this entire exile” I gestured to our surroundings, “was completely out of proportion for what you did, and how I’ve been destroying your gear- I have been unnecessarily cruel to you for a while now.”
I stuttered slightly around the lump in my throat. Eyes stinging but no tears. “I am sorry, Tommy. I know my being sorry makes up for nothing and I know there is little I can do to make up for the suffering and loss I have caused for you.” Hard word part over, now for presenting my paltry reparation. At least it’s netherite. “I destroyed your main gear when you first were brought here so I have a set of netherite armour as preparation for your loss.” I took each piece of armour from my inventory and laid them between us. “They don’t have great enchantments, so you’ll need to customize them on your own unfortunately.”
Tommy grabbed the armour and looked it over. He tucked it into his inventory and stared at me like I was painted hot pink, covered in glitter, and breakdancing to ‘everything black’. “What the fuck.” he wheezed. Oh dear, I don’t know how to deal with him now and he doesn’t know how to deal with me. Strategic retreat! I glanced obviously at the sun and made to get up. “I’ll meet you at noon to take us to the mainland, I'll be over where I docked my boat in the meantime,” I pointed in the direction of the beached boat. “Why don’t you spend that time gathering your things.”
He nodded slowly, turning the instruction I had given him in his mind, “ yeah- ok I can do that.” He muttered before distractedly glancing around, taking stock. He entered Tnret first shuffling through the chests there. I didn’t say anything in return walking back down to the surf. I parked myself in the sand near the boat and put my mask back on. The weight was reassuring.