Chapter Text
“Damn it, I could’ve made sushi out of that.”
“No, you couldn’t.”
“I take on fish every day.”
“Not ones that size, you don’t.”
“Don’t you worry about me and size.”
Zoro’s brain short-circuits. What did the cook just say? That was very clearly flirting. Was he flirting with him? What the fuck? What the hell does he want? Him?? Zoro prides himself on always being able to tell when a man is into him, but this is the cook. Stupid, shitty cook. Even if he was flirting with Zoro, it doesn’t mean anything. He clearly just wants to piss him off.
But why is he looking at him like that? And why is he smiling at him like that? And is he trying to hold his hand? And why does Zoro care? Whatever, it’s nothing. It’s time for them to go to Alabasta. The cook is gonna start dinner, making the dinosaur he, RORONOA ZORO, killed, and everything will be back to normal. Well, not back to normal, there was nothing off in the first place.
Everything is fine, he’s not thinking about the stupid cook. Or his face. Or the way he’s been smirking at him lately. Or the way he fights. Or the way he calls him Mosshead. Or how they argue. Or how when they argue, they get so close they could kiss. Not that they would, obviously, but they could. But they won't. Because why would Zoro want him? Sure, he likes his men blond and mouthy, but that isn’t the point.
First of all, they argue all the time. Sure, he loves seeing him get all riled up. And yes, it is nice to have a worthy opponent who would mouth off to him too. And maybe he enjoys getting men to shut up, whatever. It would never work, obviously.
Second of all, and truly secondary, they are on the same crew. Things could get super awkward. It was already bad enough when they get forced to team up, imagine adding fucking into the mix. Sure, they make a really good team. And yes, watching the cook fight is kinda hot. And maybe arguing during the fights makes it even hotter, whatever.
No. Bad idea. Besides, he doesn’t even know if the cook wants him. Just because he is constantly staring at him and smirking at him doesn’t mean he wants him. He just likes pissing him off.
Like at Whiskey Peak, when he didn’t even get him a drink at the bar and Zoro had to get it himself. And then he went to get with the evil twins. With Usopp, by the way, so obviously he was not thinking about Zoro, so why would he be thinking about the stupid cook?
He obviously never thought about him, except when they were forced to team up together, like when they had the dinner bet, which Zoro won, obviously. No other time. Never.
Anyways speaking of the bet, the cook was probably about to start cooking dinner, and since it was his kill, obviously Zoro had to help. It was his responsibility for killing the dinosaur. And it was to help with dinner for the whole crew. That’s why he went to the kitchen. To take care of his responsibility. For the good of the crew. No other reason.
And besides, there are way more pressing concerns, like the way Nami keeps looking at the princess. She calls him out all the time for being gay as hell, which he is, and then the second a girl shows up she gets all goo-goo about her. At least he has the audacity to not fawn over every single man they came across. Not even the blonds.
He could hear the cook as he gets closer to the kitchen. He peeks around the door and sees him chopping vegetables. Damn, he really is good with a knife. Why is that hot? No, it’s just him doing his job. It’s not hot. It’s normal.
He walks into the kitchen. The cook doesn’t look up, which obviously doesn’t matter. Whatever. He rolls his eyes.
“Mosshead.”
Oh, so he did notice him. Whatever.
“Cook.”
Zoro stands there, looking around awkwardly. After a moment, the cook speaks again, still chopping.
“Do you need something?”
Zoro scowls. Why would he need anything? He’s there to help the cook.
“No, I’m here because I know you need help.”
He glances up at Zoro.
“You? Help me? With what?”
“The dinosaur.”
Sanji looks up at him fully now, well as much as he can with one eye hidden behind his stupid blond hair.
“You want to cook with me, Mossy? Awww, how romantic,” he smirks.
Zoro scoffs, looking away immediately. Obviously because he didn’t wanna see his stupid smug face, not because he felt his own face heat up or anything like that. He rolls his eyes, not noticing Sanji’s smile.
“No, it’s my dinosaur, so it’s clearly my job to help somehow.”
“It’s my dinosaur, Mosshead.”
“No, it’s my dinosaur.”
Sanji chuckles to himself.
“I’m almost done prepping everything for my dinosaur, but you can grab the big, heavy sheet pans for me so I can put everything in the oven.”
Zoro grunts, putting his swords on the couch where he can see them, then turns back to look for the pans. Sanji points to the stack of large sheet pans, still chopping. Zoro turns away again, not wanting to see how well he handles the knife. He is probably also really good at handling swords, actually.
Not that Zoro was thinking about the cook handling swords. And certainly not his swords. Any of the 4 of them. 3 of them. Swords. His swords. His weapons. The blades he fights with.
“Mosshead.”
Zoro snaps back to reality (ope, there goes gravity). He turns to Sanji and grunts, grabbing the pans. They really are big and heavy. But he’s Roronoa Zoro, he can handle them just fine.
“You can put them here.”
He gestures to the counter. Zoro puts them down. Sanji starts arranging the dino steaks and veggies, putting spices and sauces on carefully. He looks like he’s glowing, and Zoro can’t stop watching, completely mesmerized. Man, he may be a stupid cook, but he really is good at it.
Sanji turns to Zoro.
“Okay, now we have to put these pans in the oven.”
Zoro grabs two of them. Sanji grabs one. They continue putting all of the pans in the oven and then Sanji sets a timer. Zoro looks over at him.
“Wow, cook, I’m surprised you could even lift one.”
“I told you not to worry about me and size.” He looks directly at Zoro.
Zoro’s mouth goes dry. Sanji steps closer to him.
“Just because I don’t have big, strong muscles that I show off in front of everybody constantly doesn’t mean I can’t handle big things.”
Now, when Nami said he had big, strong muscles, she meant it as an insult. It didn’t really feel like one, but he knew she meant it like one. Because she said so. But coming from the cook, it feels a whole lot different.
Especially because he is still staring directly at Zoro, like a challenge. And he’s used to challenges from the cook. He starts shit all the time. But he doesn’t usually look at him like this. Well actually come to think of it, he has been looking at him like this a lot more lately.
It’s not like men being interested in Zoro is new to him, he gets it all the time. He knows the effect he has on men, but this is the cook…. The cook who’s obsessed with women. And yes, he knows bisexuality exists, and obviously there is no way the cook is heterosexual. Pirates aren’t exactly known for their heterosexuality. But he still didn’t know for sure…
And even if he did like men, that still didn’t mean he wanted Zoro… But why is he so close to him? And why is Zoro enjoying it? And why does he want the cook to come even closer? And why is he getting hard?
WHAT THE FUCK??? DOES ZORO WANT TO FUCK SANJI????
Obviously, Zoro would be the one doing the fucking. Between the two of them, Sanji would be the one bent over begging to get fucked. FUCK, NOW HE WAS THINKING ABOUT IT.
No, he couldn’t fuck the cook. This was just because it had been a while since he got laid. Normally, he’d have random hookups at Funky Bar or on Mirror Ball Island or just with random men he’d meet pirate hunting, but he’s been a little busy lately. And he really did consider fucking the Marine Twink, really truly, just to let off some steam. Because he really is just very pent up. And lately, he had just been handling it himself whenever he truly needed it, but even that has gotten more difficult now that he has a swordsman sleep paralysis demon…
That’s all this was. He’s just horny. Really horny. He doesn’t want to fuck the stupid, pretty cook – stupid, shitty cook. Fuck, he couldn’t even call him a shitty cook anymore because he really truly is good at it.
He is also really annoying, which is another reason he can’t fuck him. Yes, he really likes annoying, like really likes annoying. He loves getting the mouthy ones to shut up more than anything. Which is the problem. No. Bad idea.
Too bad when he finally stops overthinking everything Sanji is just an inch away from his face. He could feel his breath on him. Fuck, he is so hard right now. Zoro wants to turn him around, bend him over his precious counter, and fuck him until he admits he killed the dino.
“Do you know what you’re saying, cook?”
“Yes, Mosshead, unlike you I don’t only have muscles for brains, so I quite frequently use mine.”
Okay rude. Zoro is actually very good at math, so jot that down, cook. But then Sanji stares directly into Zoro’s eyes, cocks his head, and raises an eyebrow. Annoying bastard. Fuck it.
Zoro grabs Sanji’s head and pulls him in, crashing their lips together. Sanji immediately wraps his arms around him. Zoro wraps his other arm around his waist and pulls him closer.
Fuck. He’s kissing the cook. And he likes it.