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Victoria Javadi was not used to things being difficult.
Throughout her whole life, there had never been a single thing she wasn’t capable of doing—well, maybe P.E, but not like she had any interest in becoming a professional athlete anytime soon.
College at thirteen had not been difficult for her—lonely, maybe, but not difficult.
Med school at seventeen wasn’t hard either. Her mother pressuring her into it hadn’t made it any easier, but difficulty had never really been part of Victoria’s life.
She had always felt like life moved too fast, sometimes leaving her behind.
During her sophomore year of college, she often felt like she didn’t belong there, but who wouldn’t? College is not a place for fourteen-year-olds to be.
When she talked to her friends who had just started high school, she couldn’t help but feel like she was supposed to be there with them: sneaking out of her parents house to go to a stupid house party, getting hickeys from a stupid boy who wouldn’t talk to her after they kissed, smoking weed from a boof cart some senior had bought for her friends for a stupidly high price.
But who was she fooling?
Because she certainly wasn’t fooling herself.
Victoria had always known she was meant to be great—or at least that was how her parents had made her feel.
Especially her mother.
A surgery attending and professor who seemed to do nothing but breathe surgery.
Her daughter could not be anything but a successful surgeon.
Eileen Shamsi had made sure of that. She had always made sure Victoria knew that her destiny was sealed—that she would become a surgeon sooner or later, that she had no other option.
And Victoria had made peace with it.
Setting all of that aside, Victoria had never felt like anything was difficult or impossible for her.
Until she started working at the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center—The Pitt for short, under the wing of Dr. Cassie McKay.
Victoria’s first shift at The Pitt had been nothing short of insane.
And not in the way it was supposed to be.
Of course the mass casualty incident had left a mark on her, but that wasn’t what had made the shift difficult.
In a fifteen-hour shift, she learned a lot of new information she wasn’t entirely sure how to handle.
First, she learned that butterflies—or fireworks inside your stomach were not some kind of myth her friends had made up to tease her for not kissing a boy at twenty years old.
Second, she learned that those butterflies could appear the moment you met someone.
And that they would not come from a man.
Not like she had expected.
Not like everyone had expected from her.
She also learned that she had a complicated relationship with nicknames.
Nicknames were supposed to be something like a term of endearment.
But ten months after her first shift, she still didn’t know how to feel about them.
There was Crash, the nickname given to her by her colleague and now kind of best friend Trinity Santos. Victoria had learned to tolerate it by now, which didn’t mean she liked it.
There was also nepo-baby, courtesy of her and her moms colleague, Yolanda Garcia, who was interestingly enough—the girlfriend, or maybe situationship (Victoria still wasn’t sure what to call it, and neither was Trinity) of her best friend Trinity.
Victoria hated being called a nepo baby.
Because she wasn’t one.
She had worked hard throughout her entire life to be where she was now. Even if she had made a mistake—and she fucking hated making mistakes, especially admitting them, that did not mean she was a nepo baby.
But then there was Vadi.
And Vadi made her feel seen.
It made her feel appreciated, for once.
That nickname had been given to her by her mentor, McKay. Or Cass, as Victoria liked to call her in her mind.
Or late at night, when the impure thoughts about her got too loud, when the tension grew too strong and the nights felt too lonely, and Victoria had to deal with it in the privacy of her room.
Which she hated.
And secretly wished Cass were there to help her with.
Victoria had always assumed the hardest part of working at The Pitt would be the long shifts.
Or the pressure of her mother being on the surgical floor right above her, constantly tracking down her mistakes.
Or losing patients.
She quickly learned that the hardest part of working at The Pitt was Cass.
And Victoria couldn’t quite put her finger on why.
During the shifts when Victoria was under McKay’s supervision, she felt like she was in heaven for twelve straight hours.
Victoria couldn’t take her eyes off Cassie.
And she started learning about her quickly from their very first shift together—because that was who Victoria was.
A quick learner.
She learned about her son Harrison, whom she eventually started babysitting and grew to love.
She learned about Cassie’s past: her addiction, her ex-husband Chad, the restraining order, the ankle monitor.
But she also learned other things.
Things she kept secret.
The way Cassie’s eyes glowed when she smiled.
The way the tendons in her hands tensed when she held a scalpel.
The way her chain dangled when she walked.
And especially the way Victoria’s body reacted when Cassie called her Vadi, praised her, or touched her—even if it was only a brief hand against her back.
On the other hand, the shifts when Cassie was off or when Victoria couldn’t work with her felt like hell.
She was treated like she was something less.
Like she didn’t deserve to be there.
Like she was too fragile and could break or fuck up at any moment.
Victoria wanted—desperately—to be seen.
To be praised.
To be appreciated for who she was, not for who her mother was.
And the person who gave her that was Cassie.
When she presented cases to an attending, she wished Cassie were there to guide her.
When she worked on procedures, she wished Cassie were there to tell her what to do—and praise her when she did it right.
The Cassie thing—as she had learned to call it, because she refused to give it a real name—was getting out of hand.
Victoria did not have a crush on Cassie.
Of course she didn’t.
A woman like her didn’t tick any of her—or her mother’s—boxes.
She wasn’t even supposed to like women in the first place.
Which made the way she looked at Cassie McKay a problem.
How could Victoria Javadi—medical prodigy—have a crush on Cassie McKay?
A forty-two-year-old R2.
An ex-addict who couldn’t seem to keep her life together.
A woman who had once even lost custody of her child.
How could Victoria Javadi have a crush on a woman?
She didn’t.
She didn’t have a crush on a woman—and she certainly didn’t have a crush on Cassie.
It’s not like she could talk about it with anyone.
Trinity seemed busy with her ten-month-long situationship that didn’t seem to be going anywhere.
Whitaker was busy playing farmboy with Amy—another nickname Trinity had handed out.
Mel was busy taking care of her sister Becca, and Victoria couldn’t blame her for that.
And it’s not like Victoria had any other friends to reach out to.
Sure, she could talk to her friends from high school—the ones she hadn’t called in ten months because she had been busy—but if she was being honest with herself, keeping her feelings for Cass secret was thrilling.
At least it had been.
Until it became too much to hold in.
Until she found herself in the middle of her shift on the Fourth of July, trying to keep her emotions under control after being scolded by Yolanda Garcia for fucking up like she always did.
Being honest, she never fucked up. She was a prodigy.
But lately she kept telling herself that she was a fuck-up.
Now her mother was in the OR fixing her mistake—proving to Garcia, and to everyone else in that hospital, that she really was a nepo baby.
It’s not like she had anywhere else to go.
She still had a few hours left on her shift, and she had to stay there and be useful—like her mother had always taught her.
The worst part was that she had nowhere to go after the shift except her parents house.
Where her mother would lecture her.
Where she would mentally replay the moment she had fucked up and nearly lost a patient.
Sure, she could go to Trinity and Whitaker’s place
Where Trinity would complain about Yolanda cancelling on her again.
Where Victoria wouldn’t even be able to talk about her feelings without mentioning Cassie.
Where she couldn't even admit how much it had hurt when Garcia called her a nepo baby.
Because, if she was being honest with herself, some part of her feared that maybe it was true.
Just a few more hours.
After that she could go home.
Endure whatever punishment her mother had planned for her for almost killing a patient.
And then finally hide under her sheets.
Victoria already knew what would happen the moment her body touched the bed.
She would cry until she couldn’t breathe.
And there was nothing she could do about it.
She also knew she would think about Cass.
Cassie.
She just hoped the thoughts wouldn’t turn too dark.
Too impure.
She needed to stop thinking about her that way.
Because Cassie only saw her as a child.
And the worst part was—she was right.
Victoria couldn’t even drink legally yet.
Nothing could happen between them.
The Cassie thing needed to stop.
Which meant she needed to stop thinking about Cassie McKay.
Unfortunately, it didn't seem possible.
***
Victoria exhaled and forced herself to focus on writing her patient’s information on the board.
The same board that had almost killed Mrs. Burns.
It wasn’t the board’s fault.
It wasn’t the cyberattack’s fault.
It was hers.
Like it always was.
She sighed shakily.
Her whole body was trembling, which didn’t make any sense considering it was the middle of July and she was wearing a hoodie.
Victoria tried to focus on the board. Tried to steady her handwriting. Tried to look like someone who wasn't about to cry
Behind her, footsteps echoed down the hallway.
Footsteps she had learned to recognize.
Because, after all, she was a quick learner.
The sound grew closer.
Victoria felt her shoulders tense automatically. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a slow breath, hoping—desperately—that McKay wouldn’t notice what was happening to her right now.
“Hi, Vadi.” McKay’s voice was warm. Casual. The same tone she always used.
Victoria didn’t turn around.
“Hey.”
“You okay? Your handwriting looks a little shakier than usual.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure?” Cassie stepped a little closer. “I heard what happened between you and Garcia earlier.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” Victoria kept her eyes on the board. “I messed up, but it’s handled now.”
Only then did Victoria realize she hadn’t exhaled since McKay had walked in.
She forced the breath out.
“You don’t seem fine,” Cassie said quietly. “Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine, Cass-”
Victoria froze.
“Dr. McKay,” she corrected quickly. “I was just leaving to check on my patient.”
“Vadi, wait—”
But Victoria was already walking away.
She needed to see a patient.
She needed to be useful.
She could not deal with the Cassie thing right now.
The words died on Cassie’s tongue before she had the chance to say them.
By the time she processed what had just happened, Javadi was already gone.
Cassie didn’t follow.
But her eyes stayed fixed on the hallway long watching Victoria disappear.
***
Cassie McKay had seen med students and residents spiral before.
At this point, it was practically part of the job.
She remembered Samira’s crash after the MCI. She remembered Dennis last month.
Hell, she remembered all the times she had spiraled herself—standing in a hallway full of people, feeling like she was drowning while pretending everything was fine.
Ten years ago, she knew exactly what she would have done.
She would have gone straight to the nearest liquor store, bought the cheapest bottle of vodka she could find, and finished half of it before she even made it through her front door.
But that wasn’t who she was anymore.
Cassie had learned how to breathe through it.
How to slow down.
How to stay calm.
She had learned how to be good.
And she was not the one spiraling right now.
Victoria was.
Which, frankly, made no sense.
Victoria Javadi was not the type of person who spiraled in the middle of a shift—especially not in front of half the department, and not in the middle of the Fourth of July when a cyberattack was targeting the PTMC.
Sure, she was a nervous wreck. Cassie had learned that much after months of mentoring her.
But who wouldn’t be?
Victoria was twenty years old. A medical prodigy dropped into a pressure cooker that chewed people up and spit them out.
Cassie just hoped—desperately—that if the pressure finally got to her, she would be there to help her.
The problem was that lately, Cassie wasn’t entirely sure she trusted her own reasons for wanting to help.
And that realization sat somewhere deep in her stomach.
Heavy.
Wrong.
Filthy.
Cassie had noticed for months that Victoria acted differently around her.
Different than with anyone else.
The way Victoria’s gaze lingered when she thought Cassie wasn’t looking.
The way she seemed to forget how to breathe whenever Cassie praised her for doing a good job.
Because a girl like Victoria needed praise.
Cassie had always believed that good work deserved to be acknowledged, and Victoria was no exception.
If anything, Victoria deserved it more than most.
But recently, Cassie had started noticing something else.
Victoria wasn’t the only one acting differently.
Cassie was, too.
She caught herself watching Victoria more often than she should.
Noticing things she had no business noticing.
The big brown eyes.
The soft black hair.
The way she tried so hard to stay composed whenever Cassie called her Vic or Vadi.
And then there was the part Cassie hated thinking about.
Victoria’s age.
Twenty.
Young enough that the realization made something in Cassie’s stomach twist unpleasantly.
She felt disgusting for even letting the thought cross her mind.
For looking at her student like that.
The feeling—whatever the fuck it was called—settled somewhere deep in her chest.
Heavy.
Wrong.
Filthy.
***
Cassie was still staring down the hallway where Victoria had disappeared when the sharp sound of a monitor alarm cut through the ER.
Then she heard Victoria’s voice calling for help.
Cassie rushed toward South Fifteen.
Victoria was already at the bedside, presenting the patient in a hurry, her voice trembling.
“Sixty-eight-year-old female, sudden loss of consciousness. BP sixty over thirty, heart rate forty and dropping. Sat eighty-two. She’s unresponsive.”
Cassie glanced at the monitor.
“Pads on her,” she said. “Let’s move.”
Victoria looked back at the monitor, fear flashing across her face.
She couldn’t lose a patient.
Not again.
Not after everything that had already happened today.
Sending another patient to the OR would only prove Garcia’s point—prove to everyone in the room that she was a nepo baby.
That her mother was always there to fix her mistakes.
“We need an attending,” Victoria said, her voice shaking. “She’s deteriorating. Get Robby or Al-Hashimi. Now.”
Her hands trembled harder with every passing second.
“Not yet,” Cassie said sharply.
She stepped closer.
“Look at me, Vic. Stay with me. You’re doing great.”
“Pulse?”
Victoria pressed her fingers against the patient’s neck.
“Weak. Thready.”
“Okay. Start bagging her,” Cassie said. “Let’s get oxygen up.”
The monitor beeped faster.
Cassie glanced down at Victoria’s hands.
They were shaking.
“Vic, breathe,” Cassie said quietly. “You’re doing good.”
Victoria forced herself to inhale.
It didn’t help much.
But at least it was something.
“Heart rate thirty-eight,” she said.
Cassie looked at the monitor again.
“Alright. Crash cart’s here,” she said. “Let’s move.”
A few minutes passed that felt like hours.
Victoria felt like she was the one who needed the crash cart.
Finally, the patient’s vitals stabilized.
And for the first time since the alarm had gone off, Victoria felt like she could breathe again.
Cassie finally let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.
Then she turned to look at Victoria.
Victoria was there—physically.
But not entirely present.
Her eyes were fixed on the monitor, now finally stable. Her skin had gone pale, and her hands were still trembling.
Cassie stepped closer and placed a hand on the small of Victoria’s back.
“Are you okay, Vadi?” Cassie asked, her voice soft, her expression worried.
Victoria nodded absentmindedly, clearly not processing the question.
Cassie moved her hand from Victoria’s back to her forearm, gently squeezing.
“Vic, look at me,” she said quietly.
“You did great. You handled it. It’s over now. She’s going to be okay.”
Victoria took a step back.
She looked at Cassie for a brief second before dropping her gaze to the floor, trying desperately to steady herself—to stop her hands from shaking, to stop the burning behind her eyes that threatened to spill over at any moment.
“I’m fine, Cass—”
She stopped herself.
“Cassie—Dr. McKay,” Victoria corrected, her voice tight.
There was a knot in her throat that felt like it might choke her.
When Victoria finally looked up from the floor and scanned the room, she realized all the nurses had already left.
It was just her and McKay.
That was when she decided she was done with the patient—and with whatever was happening in that room.
Victoria turned and headed toward the door, glancing at the clock on the wall as she walked out.
Two more hours.
Two more hours and she could go home, endure her mother’s lecture, and finally cry in her bed.
As she stepped into the hallway, she heard Cassie’s voice behind her.
“Vic, wait.”
Cassie sounded worried—like she had something to say, even if she didn’t quite know what it was yet.
“You don’t have to babysit me, Cassie,” Victoria said, harsher than she intended. The words slipped out before she could stop them.
“I’m okay. I can own up to my mistakes.”
Cassie remained in South Fifteen, a shocked and slightly hurt expression crossing her face.
But she had no reason to be hurt.
Victoria was right.
Cassie didn’t have to babysit her.
And yet she couldn’t seem to stop herself from wanting to.
***
Victoria needed somewhere quiet.
Her vision was starting to blur. Her thoughts were getting louder, the knot in her throat tightening with every breath.
She knew what was coming.
And she couldn’t let it happen in front of half the department.
Not in the middle of the ER.
Victoria paced through the department, searching for somewhere—anywhere—quiet enough to fall apart.
Somewhere no one would find her until she could pull herself back together for the two hours she still had left.
Eventually she settled on the emergency stairwell beside the abandoned wing—the same one where Santos had found Whitaker after their first shift.
Victoria sat down on the steps, pulling her knees to her chest and pressing her hands against her eyes.
The tears came immediately.
Her breathing turned shallow, uneven.
Her thoughts spiraled, looping mercilessly in her head.
“You’re not good enough to be here.
You don’t deserve to be here.
You almost killed two patients in two hours.
Your mother is in the OR fixing your mistakes.
You don’t belong here
You. are. a. nepo. baby.”
The words repeated over and over, with no intention of stopping for what felt like hours.
Through the muffled sound of her sobs and the ringing in her ears, Victoria heard footsteps echoing up the stairwell.
Slow.
Getting closer.
For a brief second, she wished they were Cassie’s.
But she already knew they weren’t.
And she knew exactly whose footsteps they were.
Her mother’s.
Victoria braced herself for impact, not even wondering how her mother had found her—only knowing it was bad that she had.
“Victoria.”
Her mother’s voice was calm. Flat.
Victoria looked up but didn’t answer, waiting for the next sentence.
“We’re almost done with Mrs. Burns’ surgery,” her mother said.
“But I have an emergency appendectomy”
Her expression remained cold, completely ignoring Victoria’s red eyes and tear-streaked face.
“I want you in the OR. Observe the rest of the surgery and learn from your mistake.”
She paused.
“Get up. I already spoke to Robby. You’ll be assisting.”
Then, almost as an afterthought, she added:
“You’re better than this.”
Victoria nodded, took a slow breath, and headed toward the elevators that led to the surgical floor.
The ride felt endless.
She didn’t want to be there.
She didn’t want to assist in that surgery.
And she definitely didn’t want to see Dr. Garcia’s face—or hear the comments that would inevitably follow.
Victoria stepped into the OR and scrubbed in without saying a word.
“Look who decided to join us,” Garcia said, her voice dripping with amusement.
“Come to help clean up your mistake?”
Victoria kept her eyes on the sink, saying nothing.
“Don’t worry, nepo baby,” Garcia continued.
“We’ll make sure you don’t touch Mrs. Burns and screw it up again.”
Garcia gestured toward the corner of the room.
“You just stand there. Observe. Learn from your mistake. No big deal.”
Victoria nodded once and took her place near the wall, watching the procedure from a distance.
She would learn from this.
She always did.
After all, she was a quick learner.
Two hours passed.
Garcia’s comments came and went, each one landing like another small cut, but Victoria ignored them all.
Eventually, the surgery ended.
“Alright, we’re done here,” Garcia said, pulling off her gloves.
“Try not to screw up again, Dr. Javadi. We don’t always have time to fix your mistakes in the OR.”
Victoria felt the familiar burn behind her eyes.
But she wasn’t going to give Garcia the satisfaction.
She nodded, degloved, thanked the team for letting her observe—and walked out of the OR.
Her shift was finally over.
***
On her way toward the parking lot she passed Santos and Whitaker in the hallway.
They both looked like they wanted to say something.
Victoria didn’t stop.
She didn’t have the energy.
All she wanted was to get home and let her thoughts consume her—in the privacy of her room.
But surely, she had to run into Cassie on the way to her car—an expensive Mercedes SUV her parents had gotten her to try and convince her to go into surgery.
She tried to ignore Cassie’s gaze lingering on her as she tried to unlock her door and get into her car.
“Vic?” Cassie said, with a different tone in her voice, a tone Victoria knew was worry
Victoria turned to look at her, simply nodded and smiled and tried to get into her car, avoiding any conversation with Cassie
“Can we talk, please?” Cassie said, now standing right besides victorias car
Victoria let out an exhale, looked at Cassie and nodded
“Yeah, I guess,” Victoria said with a weary voice, knowing this was a conversation she didn't want to be having.
Not after everything that happened today, and not with all the thoughts about cassie that tormented her mind
“What's up?
Cassie wasn't even sure what she was going to say, she wasn't even sure why she wanted to talk to Victoria
“Long shift?” She asked, with a warm voice, hoping that it would lighten the air between the conversation they were about to have—because deep down she knew what they were going to talk about.
“Mhm” Victoria answered simply, without wanting to engage in conversation.
She just wanted to go home and deal with it on her own.
“Look Vic, I know that you feel like you can't do this sometimes, but..” Cassie hesitated to keep talking as she was trying to find the right words to keep going
“Stop.” Victoria snapped without realizing
“Stop?” Cassie asked, confused and slightly worried
“Stop treating me like im going to break at any second, like im something made out of glass, because im not” Victoria said harshly and unable to stop the words coming out of her mouth
“And stop treating me like a child, because I'm not.” Victoria finally said, and decided that she was done with this conversation.
Finally unlocking her car door and hopping on to the drivers seat
“Vadi, wait!” Cassie said, grabbing the car door, stopping it from closing before it was too late.
“Please”
Victoria's breath hitched at those words, she didn't know what to say, but didn't close the door either
“Please don't go, I just want to make sure you're okay” Cassie said, the words spilled out of her mouth—she wasn't even sure why she was saying all of this.
“Can I come in? Please.”
Victoria just sighed and nodded, she didn't have the willpower to just drive away—she didn't want to drive away.
Cassie didn't hesitate and got in the passenger's seat.
The air inside of the car was thick and heavy, filled with something neither of them could name, but both felt
Cassie scanned the car quickly, out of habit
“Nice car” was all she managed to get out, trying to lighten the air again
“My parents bought it” Victoria said simply, not wanting to dive into why they bought it for her
Cassie just nodded
Neither of them knew what to say, they weren't even sure why they were in the car in the first place.
But the silence was growing too strong
Victoria finally broke the silence which felt like it lasted forever
“Why do you do this?” Victoria asked, looking at Cassie hoping for an answer she knew she wasn't going to get
“Do what?” Cassie shot back acting confused, but knowing exactly what Victoria meant
“Act like you really care about me” Victoria said
“Like you need to babysit me, like you have to protect me” Victoria finally added
Cassie's gaze finally shifted to Victoria's eyes as she thought about what she was going to respond
“Because I do Vic, I care about you” Cassie said simply
“Because you're brilliant and I don't want this place to make you think that you are not” She added
Cassie's words sank deep into Victoria's chest, and the praise made warmth radiate from Victoria's stomach.
She kept quiet for a moment, analyzing Cassie's words and finally deciding to test something out, not exactly knowing what
“You know I'm not a child, right?” Victoria asked, with an ulterior motive
“I know what I got myself into, and I can take it” she added
Victoria’s words lingered in Cassie's mind
“I can take it” she thought to herself, her mind going somewhere it shouldn't be going. Victoria was twenty years old.
She. was. a. child.
Cassie felt filthy for even thinking about her med student like that, she felt disgusting, but she couldn't help it.
“I know you're not Vic, I'm just saying this place can make you lose yourself if you let it.” Cassie finally said
“Im just trying to help you” Cassie added
“You didn't answer my question” Victoria replied almost instantly
“Why do you treat me like I'm made out of glass?” Victoria asked
“Why do you feel the need to treat me differently than everybody else?”
“Because you know what it does to me Cassie” She finally added, not sure why she even said that, and not knowing what the answer was going to be
The words hung heavy in the air between them
The moment those words left Victoria’s mouth she wished she could take them back
Her heart was beating so hard that she felt it could leave her body at any second—even though she knew that wasn't possible.
Because if Cassie picked up on what Victoria just said, everything would change
But if she pretended like she didn't, Victoria wasn't sure she could survive the humiliation
Cassie didn't speak for a moment, trying to process what she just heard and trying to come up with an answer.
“Vic…” she started quietly, her gaze set on Victoria's eyes, then her mouth, then her eyes again
But then she stopped again.
Because she wasn't sure on how to go on without making things worse.
She wasn't sure on how to go on without crossing a line, a line she has tried so hard for months to not cross.
Victoria watched the hesitation in Cassie’s face and felt her heart sink.
Of course Cassie would pretend like she didn't understand, what was she thinking?
That her forty two year old mentor would be interested in a twenty year old?
God, she felt pathetic.
So Victoria put on her best attempt at nonchalance and just nodded and laughed softly.
“Forget it.” Victoria murmured, hoping Cassie would pretend like she didn't say anything
But Cassie shook her head immediately.
“No, Victoria” Her voice came out harsher than expected.
“Dont do that”
Victoria looked back at her.
“Do what?” She asked, trying to pretend she didn't know what Cassie meant.
“Dont say that and then pretend like you didn't"
Victoria swallowed.
The air inside the car felt non-existent.
“You are the one who's pretending Cass” Victoria replied, trying so hard to not look Cassie in the eyes.
Cassie froze when she heard the name.
“Cass”
And something about the way Victoria said it made her chest tighten in a way she didn’t want to examine too closely.
“Pretending what?” Cassie asked quietly
“Pretending that you don't know the effect you have on me” She said quietly, surprised at her newfound bravery to say those words.
Cassie didn't answer right away, but she could feel that filthy feeling all over her body again
For a moment she just sat there, staring at Victoria trying to assess how much damage had already been done and trying to figure out if there was a way out before she did something she was going to regret
Then she exhaled slowly and leaned back on her seat.
“Vadi…” She said softly, her voice sounding almost tired now
“Do you have an idea of how dangerous it is for you to say something like that to me?”
Victoria’s stomach twisted and the warmth in her stomach became almost unbearable
“So you do know the effect you have on me” She replied softly
“Of course i know” Her words came out sharper than intended
Victoria froze
Cassie dragged a hand down her face, frustrated with herself.
“You think i havent noticed?”
“And you think it doesnt affect me?” Cassie added, her voice suddenly rough
Victoria felt her cheeks burn
Silence filled the car.
Victoria blinked, caught off guard.
Cassie immediately looked away, like she had already said too much.
“This is exactly what I was trying to avoid” She murmured
Victoria felt her chest tighten
“Why?”
Cassie laughed quietly, not amused, but tired
“Because you’re twenty Vic”
“And I'm forty-two”
Victoria tried to come up with something, but she knew that Cassie was right. So she just kept quiet.
“And I have an eleven year old son” She added
Her voice softening a little
“I don't get to make stupid decisions anymore, I don't get to ruin your career because you think im whats best for you”
Victoria swallowed
“So this is what it is to you?” Victoria asked quietly but with an edge to her voice
“A stupid decision?”
Cassie closed her eyes for a second.
“You’re my student.”
“And you’re brilliant.”
“And you’re twenty.”
Her jaw tightened.
“And the fact that I even have to sit here and explain why this is a terrible idea should already tell you how badly this is going.”
Victoria looked down at her hands, trying to look anywhere but Cassie’s eyes
Then she said something quietly
“So you do feel it.”
Cassie didn't answer, but the silent was enough for the point to come across
Victoria let out a shaky breath.
For a moment, neither of them moved.
The car suddenly felt too small.
“You’re acting like this is some huge mistake,” Victoria said quietly.
Cassie rubbed her forehead, exhausted
“Because it is, Vic,” she said.
“This isn’t something we should be doing.”
Victoria felt her stomach twist painfully.
“Right,” she muttered.
She looked down at her hands, trying to laugh it off.
“Because I’m twenty.”
Cassie didn’t respond.
“Because you have a kid.”
Still nothing.
Victoria’s jaw tightened.
“And because you think I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Cassie finally looked at her.
“Because you don’t Victoria,” she said quietly.
Victoria scoffed softly.
“So why do you keep acting like that?” she shot back almost instantly.
“You know what you do to me and you keep doing it.”
She swallowed hard.
“And then you sit here and act like I’m the only one who made this happen.”
Cassie’s voice softened.
“Vic—”
“No.” Victoria cut off.
Victoria shook her head.
Her hands were trembling again.
“You don’t get to do that.”
Cassie watched her carefully.
“Do what?”
Victoria let out a quiet laugh that carried no humor.
“Pretend this is all in my head.”
The words hung heavy in the air.
Victoria leaned closer.
Closer than she had ever been before.
Cassie could feel the warmth of her body now, could smell the faint trace of Victoria’s perfume still clinging to her skin even after a twelve-hour shift in the middle of July.
“Tell me you don’t feel it,” Victoria whispered, almost to herself.
“And I’ll stop.”
Cassie didn’t answer.
Victoria searched her face for a second.
That was all the confirmation she needed.
Before she could stop herself, she moved.
She leaned in and kissed her.
It wasn’t careful or planned like Victoria was.
It was desperate.
Victoria’s lips crashed against Cassie’s with all the tension she had been holding in for months.
Her hands trembled slightly where they hovered near Cassie’s shoulders, unsure whether she was allowed to touch her or not.
For a moment Cassie didn’t move.
She just sat there, frozen, the warmth of Victoria’s mouth against hers sending a jolt of something dangerously electric through her chest.
Then reality slammed back into place.
Cassie pulled away quickly.
“Vic—”
It came out as little more than a breath.
Victoria froze immediately.
The weight of what she had just done hit her all at once.
“I’m—” she started, but the words died in her throat.
Cassie dragged a hand through her hair, clearly shaken.
“This is exactly what I was trying to avoid, Victoria.”
Victoria’s chest tightened painfully.
“Please, Cass,” she said quietly.
Cassie looked back at her.
Victoria’s eyes were wide now, vulnerable in a way Cassie had never seen before.
“Please stop acting like I don’t know what I want,” Victoria said.
“Because I do.”
Cassie forced herself to look away.
“Victoria, you can’t even drink legally.”
Her voice sounded strained now.
“I lived an entire life before you were born. We can’t do this. I can’t.”
Victoria studied her face carefully.
“But you want to,” she said softly.
Cassie exhaled slowly.
“I should go.”
She reached for the door.
“Please, Cass.”
Victoria’s voice cracked this time.
Cassie froze.
She turned her head slightly, looking back at her.
“Please don’t tell me I made all of this up,” Victoria whispered.
“Because I didn’t.”
Cassie’s breath hitched.
The guilt settled heavy in her chest.
“Vic…”
“You didn’t,” she admitted quietly.
She paused, forcing herself to breathe before finishing.
“But we can’t.”
Something in Victoria’s expression shifted then.
Like she had reached the end of whatever restraint she had left.
Before Cassie could react, Victoria reached forward, cupping Cassie’s face with both hands.
And kissed her again.
This time slower and inexperienced.
Victoria’s fingers pressed lightly against Cassie’s jaw as she kissed her, like she was afraid Cassie might disappear if she let go.
Cassie held out for half a second—maybe one.
And then something in her finally snapped.
Cassie kissed her back.
Her hand came up instinctively, gripping the fabric of Victoria’s shirt as months of restraint collapsed all at once.
The kiss deepened, messy and breathless, both of them trying to figure out where the other ended and they began.
But even as she kissed her, that filthy feeling remained.
Heavy. Sharp.
Cassie pulled back first, breathing unevenly.
Victoria already had a taste, and it was dangerously intoxicating.
She had already lost control.
“Vic…” Cassie managed to exhale
“Are you sure you want to do this?” She asked, even asking herself if she was about to let herself lose control
Victoria was panting heavily and trying to compose herself before answering.
She nodded, her pupils blackened with desire
“Have you ever had sex before?” Cassie asked, already knowing the answer
Victoria shook her head, shame filling her body.
But the desire was stronger.
“Please Cassie, I want to.” Victoria said on a shaky breath
“I need this”
Cassie felt her guilt creeping up on her again, but she was too far gone to do something about it.
Before she could stop herself she leaned in to kiss Victoria again hungrily.
Victoria returned the kiss, replicating what Cassie was doing with her mouth—because she was a quick learner.
Cassie reached down blindly and pushed the seat controls, sliding her seat back and reclining it slightly.
“Come here” Cassie breathed, voice raspy.
Her blue eyes almost black, filled with lust.
The movement gave them just enough space for Victoria to shift, climbing over her lap carefully as the seat tilted back beneath them.
She settled astrided Cassie’s thighs, straddling her, her cunt already throbbing against the seam of her own pants.
“You look so perfect like this” Cassie murmured, her hands clamping down on Victoria’s hips, grinding her down.
Victoria's breath punched out of her, the praise hitting like a slap and a caress all at once.
Her clit pulsed painfully against the pressure.
She could feel how wet she was, the crotch of her own scrubs was dark and clinging, the cotton heavy with her arousal, sticking uncomfortably to her folds every time she rolled her hips.
Victoria was the one to initiate the kiss this time.
She surged forward, mouth open and messy, her tongue chasing Cassie's like she was trying to memorize the taste.
The kiss was clumsy, their teeth bumped—but Victoria learned fast.
Cassie broke the kiss to breathe, her lips brushing Victoria’s as she spoke
“Fuck Vadi, you’re doing so good”
The words landed low and rough, right against Victoria’s mouth, and something inside her clenched hard at the praise.
She made a small, desperate sound and rolled her hips down again, chasing more of that feeling against Cassie's thigh.
Cassie's hands flexed on her hips, holding her still for a second.
“Just like that baby” Cassie cooed on Victoria's neck
Victoria’s face burned, but she didn’t stop moving, she couldn’t. The friction was rough and perfect and not enough at the same time.
She leaned in, kissed Cassie again, open-mouthed, sloppy, her hips kept rocking in short, needy jerks.
Cassie met her halfway, one hand sliding up under the hem of Victoria’s scrub top, palm pressing flat against her stomach, fingers spreading wide like she needed to feel the way Victoria was trembling.
“Can I take these off?” Cassie asked carefully
Victoria just nodded needily as she kept grinding on her thigh.
She yanked the top up, her sports bra got shoved up with it, exposing her breasts to the cool air inside the car.
Cassie’s mouth was on her in the next breath—hot, wet, and sucking hard on one nipple while her fingers found the other and pinched just enough to make Victoria gasp into her mouth.
Victoria’s body arched, her head knocking the car's roof with a thud
“Cass—”
Cassie hummed around her nipple, the vibration pulling another whimper out. She switched sides, sucking harder, teeth scraping lightly.
Her free hand wandered to the drawstring of Victoria’s scrub pants, tugging the knot loose in one sharp pull
Cassie stopped sucking on Victoria's nipples for a brief moment, looking for her approval.
“Please Cass.” Victoria begged for Cassie to take her scrub pants off
“Lift.” Cassie said against her skin.
Victoria braced her hands on Cassie’s shoulders and lifted her hips.
Cassie shoved the pants and underwear down together, scrubs catching on her thighs, panties tangled in the mess, the whole thing bunching at her knees.
Victoria kicked one leg free, the pants stayed hooked around the other ankle, dangling uselessly.
Cassie paused there, her gaze flicked up to Victoria's face checking. One thumb rubbing her thigh slowly
“Are you still okay?” She asked carefully
Victoria nodded fast, her breath coming in short pants and her face flushed.
“Yeah, please—” Victoria managed to get out. “Please Cass.”
Cassie exhaled through her nose, her eyes filled with lust.
She leaned in and kissed Victoria again, slower this time, her tongue brushing gentle before it deepened.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” she murmured. “Anytime.”
Victoria swallowed, nodded again.
“Good girl.”
Her hips gave a small, involuntary roll, slick folds dragging against Cassie’s thigh through the thin layer still between them.
The friction made her whimper.
Cassie’s hand slid higher, fingers tracing the crease where her thighs met her hips, then dipping between her legs.
She dragged two fingers lightly through the wetness, barely touching her, just enough to feel how soaked Victoria was.
“God Vic, you’re so wet” Cassie husked
“All of this from grinding on my thigh and from my mouth on you.”
Victoria’s cheeks burned hotter.
She hid her face in Cassie’s neck, embarrassed.
“Cass, it feels really good.” she whispered in the nape of Cassie’s neck
“I didn’t know it could feel like this.”
Cassie kissed the side of her head, while she kept applying pressure.
“You’re doing perfect, Vic.” Cassie cooed
“Just let me take care of you.”
Her fingers circled Victoria’s clit—slow at first, watching every twitch of her hips, every hitch in her breathing.
Victoria’s thighs trembled, she rocked down instinctively, chasing the feeling.
“Like that?” Cassie asked, voice quiet.
“Yeah—please, more”
Cassie pressed harder, rubbing steady circles while her other hand came up to cup Victoria’s breast again, thumb brushing over the nipple still wet from her mouth.
Victoria moaned softly, her head arching back.
Cassie watched her face the whole time, like she was learning every reaction by heart.
After a few more slow circles she let one finger slide lower, pressing gently at her entrance.
Cassie’s eyes flicked up to Victoria's, looking for approval.
Victoria nodded, eyes wide and dark. “Please Cass.”
Cassie eased one finger inside slowly, giving Victoria time to feel the stretch.
There was barely any resistance, Victoria was so wet already.
Victoria gasped, nails digging into Cassie’s shoulders through the scrub top.
“Okay?” Cassie checked again.
“Yeah,” Victoria breathed.
“Feels so good.” “Keep going”
“Please.”
Cassie curled her finger gently, stroking that soft spot inside until Victoria’s hips jerked forward on a sharp inhale.
“Fuck, Cass” Victoria breathed “More, Please”
“So eager.” Cassie teased.
Then she added a second finger, watching Victoria’s face the whole time.
The wet sound was quiet but unmistakable, and Victoria’s breath caught.
“You’re taking me so well Vic,” Cassie murmured against her collarbone.
“Look at you, opening up for me like this.”
“So pretty.”
Victoria whimpered at the words, hips rocking down to meet the slow thrusts.
Cassie kept the rhythm steady, patient, letting her adjust, letting the pleasure build.
“Feels so good.” Victoria confessed shakily, voice small.
“Your fingers inside me..”
Cassie kissed her jaw, hungrily.
“Yeah? You like having me in you?”
Victoria nodded and planted open mouthed kisses to Cassie’s neck, tasting the salt on her skin.
“That’s it, baby. Let me make you feel good.”
She picked up the pace a little, still controlled, but curling harder on every upstroke.
“That’s it. Ride my hand just like that.”
“You’re so wet for me, baby. So perfect.”
Victoria’s thighs started shaking, her breathing turning into short, desperate pants.
“Cass— Fuck” Victoria breathed against Cassie’s neck
“I know,” Cassie said softly.
“I can feel you.”
“You’re getting so close, aren’t you?”
Victoria nodded frantically, hips grinding down harder.
“Don’t stop—please don’t stop—”
“I won't baby, I got you” Cassie promised.
Her thumb pressed firmer on Victoria’s clit, rubbing steady circles, matching the rhythm of her fingers.
“You look so pretty like this, Vic” Cassie whispered in her ear
“You’re taking me so well, good girl”
Cassie’s fingers faster and deeper with every thrust.
Victoria’s breathing turned ragged, desperate little gasps leaving her mouth.
Her hips rocked faster, chasing the orgasm, clumsy but needy.
Cassie curled her fingers a little harder on every upstroke.
“Cass—Cassie— Please”
“That’s it,” Cassie whispered.
“Good girl”
“Come for me, Vic.”
“I want to feel you.”
Victoria came with a soft, trembling cry, her walls pulsing hard around Cassie’s fingers.
She jerked through it, hips stuttering, small whimpers spilling out until the aftershocks faded and she felt boneless against Cassie, breathing hard.
Cassie kept her fingers inside of Victoria for a moment longer, stroking slowly and soothing through the sensitivity, then eased them out gently.
She brought them to her lips, tasting her with a quiet hum, eyes never leaving Victoria’s flushed face.
“Shh, I’ve got you,” Cassie murmured, kissing her temple.
“You did so well. So perfect.”
Cassie cupped her face with both hands, thumbs brushing her cheeks.
“You okay, Vic?”
Victoria nodded with a small smile
“Really okay.” Her voice was raspy.
She leaned in, kissed Cassie slowly and savouring every taste of herself on Cassie’s tongue.
When they parted, Victoria’s eyes flicked down to the dark wet spot on Cassie’s scrub pants.
“My turn?” Victoria asked, unsure.
“Not today Vadi,” It was a lot for your first time “Some other time you can try.”
“Okay,” she murmured, the faint smile on her lips made it clear she wasn’t entirely convinced.
Cassie’s hand came up to the back of her neck, fingers threading gently through the loose strands of her hair.
For a moment neither of them moved.
Outside the car, the hospital parking lot had grown almost empty.
Then, somewhere in the distance, the first fireworks cracked across the sky.
A burst of color bloomed briefly above the hospital buildings, followed by another, and then another.
Victoria lifted her head slightly, watching the flashes through the windshield.
A soft laugh escaped her.
“So they are real” Victoria thought to herself
And for the first time all day, Victoria didn’t feel like she was falling behind.