Chapter Text
Robby was done with this bullshit. His shift was over three hours ago, that’s three hours he’d lost on his plan. He needed to go now.
He walked with pace to the ambulance bay sliding doors, pushing to open them faster out of frustration. But he could still feel Abbot following him. Still fucking talking.
“-I’m serious Robby. This is your last chance. I mean it. Come inside and talk with Caleb”
“I don’t need to talk to Caleb, I’ve already talked to him today anyway.” Robby answered flippantly. He didn’t want to look at the man behind him. He kept his eyes fixed on his bike. His way out.
“Not about this!” Abbot yelled after him, half jogging to keep up.
He fucked up. Abbot had been hounding him inside and he was pissing him off, triggering him and in a moment of anger he stupidly snapped at him and admitted it. Admitted the one thing he shouldn’t have admitted.
“There is no this! I didn’t mean it! I was just mad. Now drop it.” he bit back, swinging his leg over the bike, slotting the keys into the ignition.
“Bullshit man, You’ve been practically flaunting it in our faces all day!” Abbot erupted. “You gave Whitaker your fucking house!”
“I did not give Whitaker my house. I asked the kid to house sit while I’m gone.”
“He told me that you said to him that if you didn’t come back it was his”
“It was a joke! Jesus christ” He laughed, shaking his head incredulously. He was trying to sell it but knew he was failing when he glanced up at Abbot’s hard eyes staring back at him. He ran his hands over his face in frustration, struggling to keep his mentally stable mask on for Jack.
“You’ve been making jokes about you dying all day, burning bridges left right and centre, Samira has a panic attack and you mocked her in front of everybody. I found her crying by her locker. This isn’t you man.”
Robby responded by hitting the kick stand with his boot and reaching for the ignition.
Abbot snatched the keys from the ignition, backing up out of Robby’s reach. “I’m not letting you leave”
Robby kicked down the stand and swung his leg back over the bike “Give me the key’s Abbot” he grated, taking slow steps towards his friend like an animal stalking his prey.
This was it, this was his last chance to get out. If he stayed it would all be over. His plans ruined. He was finally at peace knowing it was going to be over on his terms. A quick out. No more pain.
He placed his head in his hands taking deeper more erratic breaths, He could feel the ever present water beginning to rise over his head. Panic rushing into his chest as he felt his one chance of ending it all slipping through his fingers.
“GIVE ME THE FUCKING KEYS JACK”
Abbot didn’t flinch.
“I told Ahmad to give me 10 minutes out here and if you didn’t walk back through those doors willingly, he’s coming out here to help me drag you inside”
“He wouldn’t do that”
“He would if he has a 302 order”
Robby tilted his head and smiled sarcastically, fire flickering behind his eyes “Bullshit, you’re full of shit Jack”
Abbot pulled a slip of paper from his scrub pocket and unfolded it, holding it up for Robby to see “Now that you’ve admitted to me that you're a danger to yourself, you know that’s more than enough for a 302. Signed by me, Caleb, and Dylan. We’re not letting you leave”
Not happening, Robby thought to himself.
Robby smiled again and turned his back to walk away. He felt a strong hand land on his shoulder
“Robb-”
With a sudden burst of rage, he spun and connected his fist hard with Jack's face. Not expecting it, Abbot stumbled backwards and landed on the ground gripping his face, blood beginning to trickle from his nose and mouth. The keys dropped from his hand and clattered to the concrete.
Last chance
Robby snatched the keys from the ground and began striding back to his bike.
Leave now
He heard Abbot scramble back to his feet and run after him “You’re not fucking leaving!” he yelled out. Robby felt him grip the back of his jacket and yank him backwards hard.
Last CHANCE
Robby let loose. Rage, fear and adrenaline surged through every part of him. Controlling him. He couldn’t hear, he couldn’t see, but he could feel his fists connecting with Abbot’s torso over and over again.
--
Dennis Whitaker stood inside next to Ahmad and Olsen watching Dr. Robby and Dr. Abbot on the security cameras talking tensely in the ambulance bay. He was praying for Robby to just walk back through the doors and quietly go with Dr. Abbot into the elevator up to behavioural health to see Dr. Jefferson. He fiddled with the capped syringe in his scrub pocket that Dr.Abbot had given him before he had gone to confront Robby. He was replaying Dr. Abbot’s instructions over and over in his head.
“Jesus!” Ahmad suddenly yelled and bolted out the door with Olsen.
Dennis was knocked out of his thoughts and focused back on the CCTV on the desk. Dr. Abbot was curled on the ground and Robby was frantically punching him.
“Shit” Whitaker yelped and took off after them past the offload delays and out the sliding doors into the humid July night air. The first thing that struck him was the sound. Dr. Robby was yelling… no screaming after each blow he landed to the man beneath him. Dr. Abbot was silent. For a moment Dennis thought he may be unconscious but could still see his blood soaked face wincing with each strike.
Ahmad and Olsen immediately gripped both of Robby’s forearms dragging him backwards off of Jack still screaming and pulling.
“GET OFF, GET THE FUCK OFF ME”
An old memory from his childhood jumped into Dennis’ head - His father had managed to catch the coyote that had been killing the chickens in a snare trap in the field by the coop. It trembled, yelped, and pulled relentlessly at its trapped leg, fighting for its life before his father ended it.
He looked at the man kicking and screaming in front of him. He’s like an animal Dennis thought to himself.
Ahmad and Olsen had managed to force Robby onto his back on the ground. Each gripping an arm with two of their own while he desperately tried to pull free.
“Robby man take a breath we don’t want to cuff you” Ahmad begged. Dennis noticed the confusion and pain in Ahmad’s face. Just this morning Dennis saw them laughing and placing bets and now he was restraining his boss of 6 years to the ground like any other violent patient. It was just all so wrong.
Suddenly, the pinned man twisted his right arm free and elbowed Olsen directly in the stomach knocking the wind out of him. The young security guard fell backwards holding his stomach and gasping for breath. Robby made to swing out at Ahmad as well when his right arm was suddenly grabbed mid swing by Jack Abbot now back on his feet.
Despite being covered in blood and having just been at the receiving end of multiple punches, Jack worked quickly with Ahmad to flip Robby over onto his stomach, placing his good knee on his back and pinned his wrist in place for Ahmad’s handcuffs which were quickly snapped on.
“...Whitaker…WHITAKER!”
Dennis was snapped out of his trance by Dr. Abbot calling his name across the ambulance bay where he stood transfixed by the awful scene playing out in front of him.
“450mg IM ketamine now!”
At those words Dennis saw fear flicker across Robby’s face which was now pressed down into the concrete by Ahmad.
“No please, please. Please don’t do this. Please just let me go. FUCK Let me go!” Robby begged, still struggling desperately against the two men pinning him down.
Whitaker took a few tentative steps towards them and realised under closer light there were tears streaming down his mentor's face, dripping off his nose and slowly wetting the concrete beneath. He could see blood beginning to blossom on his cheek and forehead as he struggled, scraping his face against the rough ground.
“NOW kid!” Jack yelled
Olsen had now recovered enough to place a knee across both of Robby’s kicking legs securing them to the ground.
Shaken, Dennis took the final few steps to close the gap and knelt down next to the struggling pile.
“Dennis please don’t do this” Robby sobbed out attempting to twist his body away “Please don’t do this to me”
He nearly crumbled as he watched the tears on Robby’s face begin to mix with the blood. But he knew that what he was about to do was likely going to save his life.
“I’m sorry Dr. Robby” was all he could choke out, uncapping the syringe.
Fire flared in Robby’s eyes and he began to twist and pull with new-found vigour.
“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME I SWEAR TO GOD GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME”
Dennis gripped the waistband of Robby’s cargo pants and boxers and yanked hard until he exposed lateral thigh, swiftly sticking him and pushing the plunger until all 9ml were gone.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH!”
Dennis stood and quickly took a few steps back almost like he was trying to distance himself from what he had just done.
Jack began speaking loudly over the cursing man beneath him “Whitaker, it’ll take about 3 minutes to start working, I need you and Olsen to go and grab a gurney, a blanket, a portable monitor with a 5 lead, pulse ox, BP, end tidal as well as hard restraints. Ok?”
He waited for a response but Dennis was still staring at Robby.
“Ok?!”
Dennis snapped his eyes up to meet Dr. Abbot’s.
“Yeah” he said blankly and turned and ran through the sliding doors.
--
When they reemerged with the gurney in the ambulance bay it was quiet. All Dennis could hear were the summer crickets and a car driving by on the main street. It was like nothing had happened. He flipped the brake lever with his foot and lowered the bed rails.
He nervously stole a glance down to the ground where Dr. Abbot sat with his mentor’s head cradled in his lap. Robby’s eyes were open and he was mumbling incoherently. The fire in his eyes that had pierced through Dennis’s soul just a few minutes ago was replaced by a glassy unfocused gaze.
Abbot shifted the man’s head gently to the ground and knelt down beside him.
“Whitaker help me roll him a second we gotta get these cuffs off.”
Dutifully, Dennis knelt beside Dr. Abbot, bumping shoulders and crossing their arms over to grip Robby’s clothes.
“1, 2, 3, roll”
Together they gently log rolled him 90 degrees towards them. Ahmad worked to remove the handcuffs pinning the man’s hands behind his back and they swiftly rolled him back over onto his back. Robby lightly grunted with the movement but otherwise remained out of it, eyes gazing at something Dennis couldn’t see.
Dennis had seen Robby mad countless times. Occasionally losing his temper and verbally snapping. But never in his life had he seen him be violent. Dennis’s own father used to lose his temper and deliver a blow to himself or his brothers every now and again while growing up, but the violence he’d just witnessed was not the same as that.
That was a catastrophic loss of all self-control. That was a cornered animal. That was years of mental anguish erupting out at once, a traumatised brain on fire. That was not Dr. Robby.
Jack began inspecting Robby’s wrists closely. “He’s got some minor lacerations on his wrists from fighting the cuffs that we’ll need to clean and dress later.” He then took the man’s face in his hands, turning it slightly “same with these abrasions on his face”. He said quietly brushing his thumb gently over the cuts.
Dennis noted how Jack’s hands lingered, carding his fingers through Robby’s hair in a soothing way. He shifted his gaze up to Jack’s face, he glanced at the blood beginning to dry under his nose and could see the beginnings of some bruises on his torso where his T-shirt rode up.
“You need to be checked over too, Dr. Abbot.” Dennis murmured.
Jack ignored him “Right let’s get him up.”
Jack and Dennis shimmied the gurney sheet under Robby and the four men each grabbed a corner.
“1, 2, 3, lift”
With some effort they were able to transfer the limp chief attending from the concrete onto the gurney. Ahmad and Olsen immediately began buckling leather restraints on each limb while Jack placed a pulse ox on a finger, wrapped the BP cuff, and then lifted Robby’s scrub top and shirt to place a 5 lead. Dennis moved to the head of the gurney and placed a hand behind Robby’s neck and pulled up slightly, tilting his head back to keep his airway open. He untangled the nasal cannula, delicately placing the prongs in Robby's nose, wrapped the tubing around his ears, and hooked up the attached EtCO2 to the monitor. Finally, Jack switched the portable monitor into life and nodded his approval at the vitals displayed.
“Right, let's monitor vitals every 15 minutes and get him up to behavioural health discretely. Once we’re up there we can give him a once over to make sure he didn’t seriously hurt himself and hand him over to Caleb. We’re not doing anything in the ER, and you two-”
he said pointing at Ahmad and Olsen.
“I know I don’t have to remind you about patient confidentiality, If I hear any gossip about this I’ll immediately know the source.”
Ahmad nodded. “We were never here.”
Abbot smiled appreciatively at the men then looked down at the man on the gurney. He unfolded the blanket and draped it over Robby. “Right, we’re gonna go straight through these doors and make a beeline to the elevator. Don’t let anyone stop us just keep moving”
Abbot then slid the rest of the blanket up and over Robby’s head as if he was a corpse. Dennis thought it looked a bit ridiculous and Abbot caught his confused expression.
“The man deserves some dignity if we have to wheel him in this state through his own ER. We both know how fast the gossip train moves in this place” He muttered.
Dennis understood and moved to tuck the blanket over Robby’s recognisable boots. Abbot gave a slight smile at the gesture and patted Dennis on the back.
True to their plan, the four men rolled the gurney with purpose the short distance between the ambulance bay doors and onto the elevator. Abbot kept his blood soaked face angled down and out of sight the best he could. As they moved, Dennis stole a few glances at the night shift staff and was grateful to see everyone was too busy cleaning up the day shift mess to even look in their direction. Once in the elevator, Dennis noticed Dr. Abbot visibly relax and leaned over to shift the blanket off of Robby’s face.
Caleb was waiting for them, paper chart in hand when the elevator doors opened onto the behavioural health wing.
“I’ve managed to get a monitored bed number 3 opened up for him.”
Caleb did a double take when he looked up from the chart and saw Dr. Abbot’s face “Jesus Christ Jack what happened?”
“I told him about the 302 and he lost it.. started just throwing punches.” Abbot said, shaking his head “I think he got scared… I don’t know… I think we underestimated how desperate he was to die…”
They arrived in room 3 and worked together to transfer the man from the ER gurney onto the new bed, refastening the hard restraints. Dennis noticed the room was almost identical to two the behavioural health rooms they had in the ER.
Abbot gave a nod to Ahmad and Olsen “Thanks guys, I’ll be down soon to help you fill out the paper work.”
The security guards nodded in return. Ahmad patted Robby’s foot in a reassuring way “best of luck Dr. Robby…” and with that they left.
Caleb glanced at Robby and the vitals on the monitor and began writing notes into the chart.
“What did you end up giving him?” Caleb asked.
Dennis piped up for the first time since the ambulance bay “450mg ketamine IM 10 minutes ago”
“Ok, we’ll monitor him and we’ll start titrating down with midazolam in 15 minutes. I’ll go put in the orders and be right back. Jack you should get cleaned up and checked out”
Jack pulled up a stool and sat down next to the bed “Yeah just give me a minute”
Caleb left and quietly clicked the door shut behind him.
Dennis stood silently in the corner and watched Jack place a hand on the center of Robby’s chest as if he was grounding himself to the man. He bent down and placed his face close to Robby’s and began to speak quietly to the man whose eyes were still unfocused and hazed by the tranquilizer.
“I know you can hear me brother. The Ket will wear off in about 20 minutes and after that Caleb’s gonna start a decreasing titrated dose of midazolam until you can get your head back. I know you know why we did what we did, even though I know you’re snake mad about it. But we promised years ago to look out for one another, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m not going to let you hurt yourself.”
Dennis felt like he was intruding on something he shouldn’t be seeing. Something private.
Jack stood up and beckoned Dennis towards him.
“Whitaker, would you mind finding some 4x4 gauze, BZK wipes, and saline for him? I’m just gonna go wash my face. Can you get started on cleaning the abrasions and lacerations on his face and wrists? Leave the door open and be cautious when moving the restraints to get at his wrists ok?”
Dennis glanced around nervously “oh yeah of course”
Jack gave a tired smiled “Thanks kid, I’ll be right back”
As told, Dennis collected the supplies and pulled up a stool next to the bed. He put his gloves on and soaked the 4x4s in saline and began to gently wipe the mixture of wet and dried blood from his mentor’s face. He looked incredibly peaceful now with the ket on board. Completely unbothered by anything. It was probably the most peaceful the man had felt in months if not years Dennis thought. He dressed the now clean abrasions with gauze and tape and moved onto his wrists. Dennis managed to shift the restraint up onto Robby’s forearm and out of the way. He lifted the man’s hand in his own, turning it gently as he dabbed the shallow cuts from the metal handcuffs with saline and then BZK.
Dennis was pulled from his thoughts by a small whine from Robby. He glanced up and saw his mentor’s face pinched tight as if in pain.
“Dr. Robby…are you in pain?” He stood up and placed a gentle hand on Robby’s shoulder leaning into the man’s line of sight. “I can get-”
He stopped when Robby choked out a quiet sob and tears began slipping from the corner of his eyes. They ran down the sides of his face along his temples and caught in his ears as he was lying down.
Dennis understood that crying could be a side effect of ketamine but he couldn’t help wondering if it was actually just a side effect of the ketamine wearing off…
On instinct Dennis reached for Robby’s hand taking it in his own and gave it a squeeze in what he hoped was a reassuring way. To his surprise Robby squeezed back but kept his eyes focused on the ceiling.
“It’s gonna be ok, you’re gonna be ok.” he spoke gently to his attending. He suddenly felt an irrational wave of guilt crash over him. He felt like he had let him down, “I’m so sorry Dr. Robby, I’m sorry I told Dr.Abbot and Dr. Jefferson what you said to me, but I felt like I had no other choice. Please don’t hate me for this. I was just scared and didn’t know what else to do. I had to tell someone.” he paused for a moment weighing whether or not to continue.
“I don’t think I could live with myself if I knew something was wrong and I didn’t do anything and you ended up hurting yourself. Knowing that I could have stopped it. We… I need you here. You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had, I’ve learned so much from you and you’re the first person in my whole life that actually believes in me.”
Now it was Dennis’ turn to start shedding tears. The weight of the events of the day finally starting to crush him down.
The door suddenly clicked open and Dennis quickly released Robby’s hand wiping the tears from his face with his forearms avoiding his gloved hands. He quickly busied himself attending to the wounds on Robby’s wrists again.
Dr. Abbot and Caleb were mid conversation when they entered the room with a young nurse following behind.
“ -can hold him for 5 days but I'm pretty confident with the direct statements he made to you regarding harm to self and his attack on you, we’ll most likely be able to get the 303 signed at the hearing and extend it to 20 days.”
“Good. He’d try taking off after 5 days anyway.”
The young nurse quickly got to work placing an IV in Robby’s median cubital, hanging the bag, and attaching the tubing to an IV pump. They programmed the infusion rate into the machine and left taking the chart with them.
Abbot pulled another stool up on the opposite side of the bed, sat down and hung his head, exhausted. “I’ve got to get back down to the pitt I’m on shift.” He groaned softly “Christ I’ve got to tell Gloria too.”
“Leave Gloria to me.” Caleb said. “I’ll stay with him until he wakes up fully. I think it’s best he hears it from me rather than the on-call Psych resident. Tomorrow I’ll hand over his care to another attending who doesn’t know him as well. However, you Jack need to head downstairs and get checked over and go home.”
“I’m fine” he muttered
“Robby was punching him in the abdomen and his chest… he’s got bruises…” Dennis blurted out.
Abbot groaned at being tattled on and lowered his head to the bed, resting it next to Robby’s arm.
“Jesus Jack” Caleb breathed incredulously. He looked at Whitaker beside him and whispered “Birds of a feather.” shaking his head. He turned his attention back to Jack “I’m serious Jack, go downstairs now and get looked over. I’m going to check EPIC in 15 minutes and if there isn’t an ER chart started on you I’m going down there myself.”
Jack exhaled deeply and lifted his head looking at Robby whose eyes were drifting around the room and landed on Jack’s face above him. His eyes were still unfocused but there was now a hint of recognition. Jack placed his right palm in the centre of Robby’s chest and the other settled in his hair as a comforting gesture.
“I have to go now brother. I’ll be back in the morning to visit you - I doubt you’ll want to see me, but I’ll be there." He paused for a long moment with his eyes closed trying to build up the courage to say something. "I know we never say this but I do love you.. and …I forgive you.. and I hope you can eventually forgive me.” With that, Abbot rose to his feet and made to leave. Just before he reached the door he stopped and fished something out of his pockets.
Dennis had just enough time to react and catch the pair of keys that were thrown at him.
“He’s going to be in here for almost a month kid. I know he’d still want you to water his plants. He lives at 614 pitcairn place and the alarm code is 1971.” He smiled sadly and then clicked the door shut.
Caleb glanced over at Dennis “It’ll be a few hours before he’s completely weaned off the Midazolam. You should go home Dr. Whitaker.”
“What about you, don't you want to go home?”
“No, I'll stay with him. I don’t want him to freak out my residents when he wakes up, plus I get paid overtime.” he said with a wink.
Dennis smiled and taped down the last of the gauze to Robby’s wrist wounds. He gave one last squeeze of Robby’s hand and stood up and made to leave. Caleb lightly grabbed the young doctor’s arm to stop him.
“Dennis, I know this was a lot today. Please reach out to me if you want to talk and…” He took a long pause and a breath. “Most of our patients, when they’re first put on a hold, hate the people that play a role in it. The staff, their family, their friends…They say all sorts of terrible things without meaning them. I just want you to know that most of them, as time goes by and they recover, thank the people who got them the help they needed. Just remember for now that you and Dr. Abbot probably saved his life tonight.”
--
Dennis had to take two buses to get to Shadyside, jumping off the 71b at Fifth Ave and Amberson. He walked the rest of the way to Robby’s house checking his google maps on his phone every minute or two to make sure he was going the right way.
He finally approached a small brick house with its lights off. It was an old Pittsburgh house probably built in the 1920s. A white 2015 Ford Expedition sat empty in the driveway. He recognised it from the time Robby drove him and Trinity home from the ED christmas party. He thought they were too drunk to get the bus home and bundled them into the back seat making sure they got home safe.
Dennis took the steps up to the front door and slid the key in the lock. He stepped inside and keyed in the security code for the alarm system. Unable to find the light switches in the foreign house, he gave up and awkwardly felt his way through the dark house into the kitchen.
His foot hit something in the dark and he nearly went head first into the kitchen table.
He turned on his phone light and saw three brown cardboard boxes, lined up in a row on the floor, each with a name scrawled in black sharpie on the top.
Jack Abbot, Heather Collins, Jake & Janey Malloy
On top of the middle box was an envelope with the words Dennis Whitaker written in pen.
He already knew what was inside. He ripped open the envelope and read the folded letter.
“To Dr. Dennis Whitaker,
This house is yours now. Please keep what you want and throw away the rest.
Please ensure these boxes are delivered to their recipients.
I’m proud of you kid.
Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch.
Dennis laid the letter down on the wooden kitchen table and took a picture of it with his phone. He then crouched down and took a picture of the three boxes. He texted both pictures to Caleb and Jack. He knew it would help with the 303 hearing. At this point he didn’t feel like making another attempt finding the light switch. He shuffled towards the dark outline of a couch and slumped down placing his head in his hands.
In the darkness - his first quiet moment in over 15 hours - he listened to the sounds of the house around him. A small clock ticking in the kitchen, the old fridge humming, crickets chirping just under the garden window. The adrenaline that pushed him through his 15 hour day was finally draining out of him. In its place however, came an onslaught of crashing images in his head that wouldn’t stop. Robby screaming while slamming his fists again and again into Jack, his face pressed hard into the ground with tears and blood mixing on his face, the look of betrayal and rage in his eyes the second Dennis inserted the needle into his thigh, and the empty gaze that replaced it a few minutes later.
Dennis pressed his fingers into his eyes desperately willing these flashes of memory to stop.
It didn’t work.
Rapid shuddering breaths shook his body and he began to sob into his hands. He didn’t bother wiping the tears that began to drip down his face and onto the wooden floor beneath him. His face burned and his chest heaved. Dennis laid down, pressing his face into the leather couch and opened up his phone. He turned on a 5:30am alarm titled “work” and allowed the tears to flow until he fell asleep.