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Tony blocks his parents’ murderer’s iron fist, halting its path towards his face. Later, he'll probably contemplate the fact that his parents’ murderer’s fist is actually vibranium alloy, but in this moment, he isn't overly concerned about technicalities.
He’s angry. He knows, in the back of his mind, that Barnes hadn't been in control of his actions. He knows that. But he’s angry because Steve knew. Steve knew, and he didn't tell him. He's angry because Steve hasn't listened to him since the beginning of this goddamn fight. Not just in Siberia, but ever since they started arguing about those stupid fucking Accords. He's angry because Natasha just let them go. He's angry because Steve doesn't give a shit that Rhodey is paralyzed from the waist down. He's angry because so was I.
He’s angry, but mainly, he's just tired.
He's just trying not to be killed. He doesn't want to hurt Barnes anymore. The only reason he blows the damn arm off is because Barnes grabbed the reactor. It's not even in his chest anymore, but no one is allowed to touch the reactor.
He’s tired of people leaving. Obadiah stabbed him in the back figuratively, tore out his heart literally. Bruce ran. Pepper ditched him. And Steve… Steve is trying to kill him.
Tony's tired much more than he's angry.
It's a blur, really. Block the shield, block Barnes’s hits, block the shield, block Barnes, block the shield, block Barnes, take the fucking shield’s blows, fall to the ground, take the hit, take the hit, take the hit.
Tony’s hands are limp, but Rogers is blind with fury and he’s still hitting him.
Each hit hurts, it hurts, and he won’t stop.
The mask is cast aside, skitters across the frozen floor. Steve’s chest is heaving as he towers over Tony, his shield poised to drop down on him again. He makes eye contact with Tony, and his blue irises look icier than the snow around them and the base. Tony decides that an angry Captain America is a hell of a lot scarier than an angry Hulk.
When Steve brings down the shield, and it looks like it’s coming towards his exposed throat, Tony hates the fact that he’s grateful.
Tony drifts awake, squinting his eyes shut as the light nearly instantly blinds him.
Huh. Hell’s a lot brighter than he thought it’d be.
Beside him, there’s a shuffle, and Tony looks over to see Rhodey conked out. He’s in his wheelchair with his head slumped forward so his chin is against his chest.
Turning his gaze to the tubes in his arms, Tony sighs. Guess he’s not dead then. Not a bad thing, but it doesn’t feel too great either. His entire abdomen hurts, and he’s sure he has a few broken ribs. He remembers the shield crunching against his arc reactor, which yes, is not connected to his chest anymore, but it’s still as terrifying as it’s always been.
He doesn’t know if he should wake Rhodey or not, but luckily he doesn’t have to decide. The door creaks open slowly, a clear sign someone’s entering who shouldn’t be. Tony lifts his head to see Peter Parker peeking his head in.
The teenager looks surprised to see him awake, and Tony can hear the sound of something dropping out of his hidden hands. He’d facepalm if the tubes weren’t connected to his arms. Rhodey jerks awake, grabbing for a weapon that isn’t there, and Peter stumbles in, holding his hands up in surrender after picking up his belongings and shutting the door.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“Who the hell are you? This is a closed room, you can’t-” Rhodes demands, but Peter actually rambles over him.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, I wasn’t expecting you to be awake, uh-”
"Wait, are you the spider kid?” Rhodey asks, clearly recognizing his voice from Leipzig.
“Uh, what? I don’t-” At Rhodey’s raised eyebrow, he concedes. “Okay, yes, I’m Spider-Man. But please don’t tell anyone, I can’t-”
“Kid, relax, he’s not going to tell anyone,” Tony interrupts tiredly, weakly waving his hand as much as he could with the tubes in his arms. “Right, honeybear?”
Rhodey sighs loudly, crossing his arms. “Fine,” he relents. “But why are you here?”
Peter looks sheepish. “Uh, I- Aunt May saw what happened in Germany, and she thinks we’re like best buddies now since the ‘grant-’” -he uses air quotes- “so she made cookies and told me to bring them to you.” He holds out the Tupperware container filled to the brim with cookies.
“What kind?” Tony asks cautiously, and he hears Rhodey squawk at his rudeness.
“Avocado oatmeal,” Peter answers.
“I thought you were on my team,” Tony says, raising an eyebrow, secretly appreciating the sentiment.
To his delight, Peter laughs. “Hey, I just promised her I would deliver them. I’m not going to make you eat them.”
Tony smiles, takes the box, and promptly hands it off to Rhodey, who looks exasperated.
Still, he opens the box and pulls out a cookie. Tony and Peter share a look as he takes a bite. A few seconds later, he hisses, sticking out his tongue.
“What- are you trying to poison us?” he asks, still sputtering.
“Yeah, May's not too good at baking,” Peter says, muffling his laughter. Tony nods in agreement, smiling.
“Tell her I loved them,” Tony says, and Peter's grin brightens further.
“I will.” He pauses. “Um, if you don't mind me asking, what happened? You didn't look too bad after Germany, what else happened?”
“Rogers is a dick is what happened,” Rhodey growls, and oh here we go. Tony had figured that Rhodey wouldn't be too happy. (Neither is Tony, granted, but he's grown used to this kind of thing.)
Peter raises his eyebrows. “Wait, Captain America did this? I knew he was on the other team, but I didn't think-”
Tony waves his hand again. “I did try to kill his boyfriend, so I mean, it's not like he had no reason to kill me.”
Peter's eyes widen and he says, “Wait, what?” while Rhodey groans.
“Tony, he killed your parents and Steve didn't tell you, you had every right-”
“I didn't. He had no control of himself, Rhodey. I had absolutely no right.”
“Anyone would have reached the same way, Tones. You've got to understand that.”
Fiddling with a tube, Tony shakes his head. “Doesn't make it okay.”
“Hold on. Let me get this straight." Peter's holding his hands over his face. He slides them down, morphing his facial features as he does.
“So the Winter Soldier killed your parents. Howard and… was it Maria? Stark. And the Winter Soldier is Captain America's best friend. So you got upset because the Winter Soldier killed your parents, Captain America knew his best friend killed your parents and didn't tell you. So you were upset, and you tried to kill the Winter Soldier, so Captain America tried to kill you? Is that- did I get it right?” Peter asks.
Tony nods. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Peter locks his hands behind his neck, staring at the ceiling. “Why wouldn’t he tell you? I thought Captain Rogers was your friend. I mean, I know the airport was a mess, but I still thought…”
Tony sighs, tapping his fingers against his mattress. “Yeah. So did I.”
He shakes his head. “Still, it doesn't matter. Barnes was brainwashed, and-”
“With all due respect, Mr. Stark, shut up.”
Tony looks up at Peter, surprised, and Rhodey snorts. Tony raises an eyebrow and Peter turns red, rubbing his neck.
“Sorry, but like- I'm not, actually.” Peter finally sits down, plopping down in one of the plastic chairs. “I mean. When Uncle Ben died, I got really angry. I was angry for a long time, and I was- I was caught up in my own head. I- I thought it was my fault because I didn’t stop the man that killed him. I could’ve stopped him earlier, but I didn’t, and then my Uncle Ben was dead. I was angry at him and at myself, and I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill the guy who killed Ben.”
Tony and Rhodey stay silent, taking in Peter’s confession. Tony had figured there was something more to Peter’s story. His words from before Germany make much more sense now.
Peter continues. “I get it, Mr. Stark. These aren’t empty words, I get it. I was caught up in grief, and so were you. You can’t blame yourself. Anyone would react the exact same way as us. The thing that separates us from the bad guys, though, is not actually doing it. I became Spider-Man to save other innocent people. You didn’t kill Barnes. You stopped. I can tell. You’re blaming yourself. If you really wanted to kill him, you would have, or you’d at least still be angry. But you stopped trying to fight him.”
Tony swallows. He nods, chokes out a “yeah.”
“See,” Peter says, smiling. “You weren’t going to let the anger control you. You know how to put your emotions to the side and do the right thing, even if it hurts. Even if it hurts really bad, you do what’s right. That’s what makes you a hero.”
Tony nods, his chest turning tight but in a pleasant way for once. He doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he stays silent. He thinks Peter understands, though, because the teenager just smiles at him, maybe a little sadly, before leaving the room.
Rhodey lets out a low whistle. “Shit,” he says before turning to Tony. “Maybe you should keep that kid around, Tones. He’s a smart kid.”
All Tony can feel is water, Yinsen dying, hands grabbing his reactor, falling, dying, everyone dying, his best friend falling, his parents dying, the shield falling, him dying, dying, dying-
“Mr Stark! Mr. Stark, wake up!”
Tony jolts as a hand lands on his shoulder. His fist flies but it's caught by a smaller hand.
“Whoa! Hey, it's alright. Hey, it's me. You were having a nightmare, you're okay.”
Tony looks up and actually takes in where he is. He's in his workshop, lying on the couch. He's fairly sure he didn't move to the couch himself. “Wh-”
Peter registers his confusion and chuckles. “Yeah, uh, I think I bored you with my English homework. Sorry. You fell asleep, so I dragged you over here. You’re kinda heavy, y’know. You were out for about an hour before you started muttering and freaking out. Are you okay?”
Tony rubs his eyes, sitting up, and Peter falls onto the opposite end of the couch. “Yeah, fine,” Tony says, almost immediately. “Like you said, just a nightmare.” He lets out a deep breath, pretends that it doesn't shudder.
Peter raises his eyebrows. “Mr. Stark, it seemed pretty bad. You don't have these often, do you?” he asks. Apparently he's feeling particularly nosey today. He also looks upset.
Tony huffs and shakes his head, hoping to quell any worry. “Kid, don't worry. Now, did you finish your homework? Please tell me you're done with English. I hate English.”
Peter’s eyes narrow skeptically before he sighs, apparently accepting the obvious change of subject. “It was torturous, but yes, I finished my English. I'm not done with math yet, though. Know anything about derivatives?”
Tony grins brightly. “Ah, see, math I can help with.”
He walks over to the lab table where Peter's been working. He looks at the sheet of paper, at a problem Peter’s stuck on, his eyes running across it quickly. “Oh,” he says. “See, you haven't separated the negative one. Once you do that, it becomes sine of X squared, plus cosine of X squared, which equals one, so it’s just one over-”
“What's this?”
Tony turns around, a little irritated that Peter hasn't been listening. He has a snappy comment on the tip of his tongue but it falls right off when he sees what's in Peter's hands. Shit. Shit, shit, shit-
“'I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand?’” Peter reads, his voice sounding angry and incredulous.
“Uh-” Tony starts, but Peter cuts him off again.
“That's not an apology!” He glares at the paper as if the captain would feel it. “That's the most half-assed-”
“Peter-” Tony starts.
“No!” Peter interrupts, hands clenching and crumpling the paper. “He has no right to send you this! He's involving you and it could get you into trouble, just so he can give you an apology he spent four seconds on? Shit, ‘we all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine?' The hell? He took Hawkeye, he took Falcon, he took Black Widow, he took Scarlet Witch, the Hulk isn't here and neither is Thor, what the hell is he talking about? Who the fuck does he think he is?”
“He thinks he's Captain America,” Tony replies, sighing heavily.
Peter's silent for a minute, just staring between the letter and the stupid flip phone. Finally, he whispers, “Why do you still have them?”
Tony shrugs. “I don't know. Couldn't just get rid of them, I guess,” he says, sitting down once again. He feels tired.
Peter begins pacing, and Tony briefly wonders if his spider superpowers might actually be able to break the brick of a phone. “Come on, Peter, you don’t need to worry about-”
“I do, though,” Peter interjects. “I do, because you never worry about yourself. You care about me, about Rhodey, about Ms. Potts, even about Aunt May-”
“Well-”
“No,” Peter interrupts, pointing at him. The teenager looks grossed out, causing the engineer to hold back a laugh. “Don’t. Point is, you care about everyone around you, but you couldn’t care less about yourself getting hurt.” He crosses his arms. “Ms. Potts tells me that one time you were dying and you didn’t tell anyone.”
“She was exaggerating,” Tony lies, and he knows Peter knows it.
Peter glares at him for a moment, before flipping the phone open.
Tony’s eyes widen. “What are you doing?” he asks, standing up. The sudden movement nearly makes the stool topple over.
“Making a call,” Peter says, pressing a button before holding the phone to his ear.
Tony grabs at the phone, but Peter slaps his hand away. “Sit down,” he demands, and Tony doesn’t know when he started taking orders from a fifteen-year-old, but here he is.
“Tony?”
Hearing his voice makes Tony want to cry.
“No,” Peter says, sitting down next to Tony. He places a hand on the engineer’s shoulder in a comforting fashion.
The captain’s voice becomes cautious and angry. “Who the hell is this, then?”
“Who the hell are you to think that you have the right to send that letter to Mr. Stark, huh? Who the hell are you to put him in danger? Who the hell are you to decide that he doesn’t need to know about his parents?”
There’s a pause, before Steve says, “Wait, are you the kid from Queens? The Spider-Man kid?”
“I am. And you’re Steve Rogers, the ‘war hero’ I used to look up to.”
Tony hears Steve sigh. “Kid, look, I’m sorry. That’s why I sent the letter. I wanted to apologize. I didn’t think about how it could-”
“That’s just it! You don’t think! You only think about what happens to you. ”
Cap’s words flash through Tony’s mind: The only thing you really fight for is yourself.
“Did he read the letter? Did-”
“Yes, he read the letter,” Peter spits, and Tony’s never seen the kid so mad. And for him? “Yes, he read the letter, and I have, too. He didn’t want me to, but I found it. That wasn’t an apology, Captain Rogers- a title you’re unworthy of, by the way-”
“Pete,” Tony whispers, shaking his head. “There’s no need to go that far.”
Peter glares at him, but moves on. “Don’t think that you can just say sorry and we’ll believe it. You need to actually try, and you need to mean it. You took Tony’s family away from him.”
“He has the-!” Steve defends himself, and Tony knows immediately that Steve doesn’t regret any of his actions.
“The Avengers? Tell me, Captain. Tell me where Thor is. Tell me where Bruce Banner is. Tell me who Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Falcon, and Hawkeye are with, Captain. They aren’t standing with Tony. They’re standing with you. You took his family away from him. You hurt him more than you could ever understand, Captain. Apologizing here won’t erase the things you did.”
“Listen, you wouldn't-”
“Understand? Maybe. But I understand that you didn't tell him his parents were murdered. I understand that he has nightmares because of what you did.” Tony swallows. He hadn't known he still mutters in his sleep. “I might not understand the whole situation, sir, but I do understand that you hurt Mr. Stark, and I can't forgive you for that.”
“I-”
“And don't expect Mr. Stark to call you. He doesn't need you. I'm his new family, and unlike you, I take pride in that title, and I don't plan on throwing it away.”
“But-”
“Goodbye, Captain.”
With that, Peter hangs up the phone and glares at it for a minute, as if the captain would feel it. Peter shares a look with Tony, who's trying not to cry, before throwing the phone on the floor.
It doesn't break, because it's ancient, and Peter sighs. “That isn't what I wanted,” he admits, pouting slightly.
Tony gives a watery chuckle. “I appreciate the gesture anyway,” he says, and it's true. It's completely and utterly true, and he wants to hug Peter.
As usual, Peter seems to understand. He kicks the phone aside and opens his arms, allowing Tony to hug him tightly.
Tony rests his chin on Peter’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispers, blinking quickly to get rid of the tears that are falling anyway.
“No problem, Tony,” Peter assures, returning the hug. “You deserve to let someone defend you every once in awhile, you know. And what I said was true. I’m proud to have you as my family. I don’t want to lose that.”
Tony says nothing, just cries quietly into the teenager’s shoulder. He’s so grateful for this damn kid. He’s not sure if he deserves to have him in his life, but he’s certainly happy he’s there. Rhodey was right; he needs this kid around. And the fact that Peter even wants to be around-
Of course, Peter knows what he wants to say, what he doesn’t know how to say.
Tony’s so grateful.