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Euijoo is tired.
If he has to fake a smile and say he's sorry to another girl coming to him to ask for Nicholas's number, he is going to freak out. He can't understand why his dumb best friend doesn't already go out with at least one of those girls, just to stop this maddening mess in Euijoo’s life. They are in their final year of high school, there's so much to do, so much to worry about—clubs, tests, college applications. Euijoo, as class president, has a lot on his shoulders; he doesn't have the time to keep entertaining these poor girls coming to him in desperate pleas for a chance with his douche friend who always vanishes in times like this.
It's not that Euijoo is bothered by the fact that he is desired—on the contrary, he is very happy for Nicholas. Of course he is desired, he is the most beautiful in school. Not according to Euijoo, of course—according to the polls organized by students that turn the school halls into whispers, silly gossip, and competitions. Ever since moving to Korea, Nicholas has always caught everyone's attention. In his first year, some people were afraid of him, even Euijoo was. Not his fault that Nico has such inquisitive, intimidating eyes.
But later on, that changed when they ended up working on a project together, and Euijoo gladly found out how much of a gentle, caring person he was, which led to them never separating again. They became best friends, and the cliché was formed: the nerd and the popular one. Well, Nicholas was also a nerd, but his looks changed everything. Euijoo wasn't that bad himself, just not equally mesmerizing, that's what he thinks.
So of course Nicholas called all the spotlights and the silly crushes. Some girls were too afraid to talk to him directly, and then it started—Euijoo’s doom. They would send letters to Nicholas through him, begging him to deliver their messages and ask for Nicholas's consideration. He always did; it cost him nothing. He would hand over the handmade letters filled with hearts, some accompanied by a chocolate box or strawberry candies. Nicholas would take a quick look and shove them in his bag, saying he would read them later.
That was it.
He never mentioned anything or anyone else. Euijoo had no idea what happened to the letters or if he was interested in someone. But considering that the girls never stopped—and that Nicholas was glued to him at all times, only disappearing when said girls were around—Euijoo realized he never responded to anyone and apparently wasn't quite interested in dating. Which was okay, of course, but then he should at least let everyone know instead of leaving the girls in the dark, full of hope, and pestering Euijoo’s life.
Euijoo asked him once, and Nicholas only ruffled his hair with a smile and called him cute because of his pout. Clearly, he wasn't understanding how much of a hassle the whole thing was.
So Euijoo needs to take matters into his own hands.
It's Friday afternoon, and their routine is to go back to Euijoo’s house, study in silence for an hour, and later have some time playing games while eating the sandwiches Euijoo’s mom carefully prepared for them. Nicholas is splayed out on Euijoo’s bed, still wearing the school uniform, but his tie is unmade and the first buttons of his white shirt are open. Euijoo is wearing the same thing, but craving a shower, so he announces he will be back in a minute and goes to the bathroom down the hall, carrying a fresh pair of clothes and a towel.
The warm water on his shoulders helps wash away the tiredness from the day and the studying session, but does nothing to ease the small anxiety he feels about having to put Nicholas against the wall and demand answers. Why won't he just go out with one of the girls? They are pretty, sweet, kind, loving. They look at him with such adoration, and he never seems to notice. He never seems to care. Euijoo can't understand why he is so closed off and why he isn't clear about it. What motive could he have for not wanting to date? Is it because he is focused on his studies? Or maybe because he is afraid of moving back to Taiwan and having to leave with a broken heart?
Euijoo feels like the topic must have a lot to unpack, that's why his heart is so nervous, afraid that Nicholas might feel too pressured and leave him with no answer at all. Euijoo dries off with his fluffy towel and gets dressed again in shorts and a white t-shirt, a comfortable look to stay home. His brown strands of hair are wet and staining the fabric, so he places the towel on his shoulders and rubs his hair while coming back to his room, where he finds Nicholas scrolling through his phone, distracted.
"Do you wanna take a shower too? I can lend you some clothes," he says, calling Nicholas's attention.
Nico stares at him for a second too long and denies it. "Don't need to, I'll shower when I go home."
Euijoo only shrugs and sits at the edge of the bed, facing the wall, his back turned to Nicholas. He guesses this is the best way to start the conversation.
"Yuna asked for your number again today," he begins.
He hears Nicholas shifting in bed and the mattress moving. He must've sat up against the headboard.
"Just ignore her."
Euijoo sighs, dropping his hands to his lap. "Why don't you go out with one of those girls? They are always so persistent. It's been over a year, and you keep turning them down."
"I just don't want to."
"But why?" Euijoo gets up and stands, turning to Nicholas now. He is, in fact, sitting against the headboard with a pillow on his lap and his phone forgotten to the side. He is giving Euijoo his full attention. "Why don't you give them a chance? Or then why don't you just say already that you're not interested in dating right now so they stop bothering me? I have too much to do, and these poor girls never let me be. I'm so tired."
Euijoo tries to convey his frustration in his tone and body language, but without being too rude. Nicholas's eyes never leave him, like he's studying all his words, analyzing his request. Nicholas purses his lips and lets his gaze fall to his own lap for a moment before staring back at Euijoo.
"I never said I'm not interested in dating."
Euijoo’s shoulders drop low. "Then?"
"I didn't know they were bothering you this much. I just thought they sent the letters through you and that was it."
"No, they keep asking me for answers, pleading for a chance with you. And if they weren't nice girls, I would logically understand, but why do you never even consider it?"
"I'm just not interested in them."
Euijoo rubs his face with one hand, the other resting on his waist in an indignant pose. He's not mad, he just knows Nicholas is contradicting himself.
"You just said you never said you weren't interested in dating."
Nicholas shrugs as if it is obvious. "I can date. Just not with them."
"What is that even supposed to mean?"
"That I already have someone I like."
It's like the gears inside Euijoo’s mind finally start turning, and he realizes he missed a very big point. It makes perfect sense. Nicholas already has a crush, so of course he wouldn't indulge other girls' advances on him.
"Wait, what?" Euijoo raises his index finger in accusation. "You have a crush all this time and never told me anything?"
Nicholas only nods and shrugs again, not knowing what else to say. This is the most honest he's been lately.
"Why?" Euijoo pushes.
"You never asked."
"You could've told me anyway."
"I just did."
Euijoo narrows his eyes, trying to catch Nicholas in his secret. There must be a reason why he has never mentioned this crush before—he is very outgoing and talkative. There's no way he would have hidden a crush from Euijoo just because.
"Who is it?"
"Juju…"
"C'mon, tell me who it is. You can't drop the bomb and dodge it now."
Nicholas stares at him like he's considering his options, but there are none. Either he tells the truth or he lies. He's always been a terrible liar, and Euijoo is his best friend—he would realize it in an instant. With a huff, he moves the pillow out of his lap and slides down the mattress until he is seated on the edge, exactly where Euijoo was a moment ago, his legs hanging out, feet to the ground. Euijoo is standing there to the side, waiting for an answer.
From this close, Nicholas can get a whiff of his shampoo and body lotion, even the skincare he usually does after showering. He knows Euijoo waits eagerly, full of curiosity, and won't drop the topic easily now that they've started. So he sighs, leans his elbows on his thighs, and stares at the ground.
It's better to come clean once and for all.
"I don't think you're gonna like the answer."
Euijoo blinks a couple of times, and his heartbeat increases. "You're making me nervous now. Please, tell me it's not a teacher."
"What?! No! Of course it's not a teacher," Nicholas spares him a glance with furrowed brows and an incredulous expression.
Euijoo now leans his back against his desk, arms crossed over his middle, fully invested in the conversation. "Fine, okay, then who? Why wouldn't I like it?"
Nicholas looks down again and starts fidgeting with his pants, avoiding Euijoo’s gaze. They stay silent for a beat, and that is enough to make Euijoo wander through a lot of memories, trying to find something that would make him remotely mad at Nicholas for having a crush on a specific someone. Then an imaginary lamp lights up above his head, and he thinks he has figured everything out.
"Ahhh," he starts, and Nicholas looks up. "I see… I wouldn't be mad at you because of this, Nichol."
Nicholas's eyes look full of questions. "You wouldn't?"
"Of course not." Euijoo takes the few steps that separate them and puts a hand on Nicholas's shoulder. "I liked her a long time ago, I have no feelings now. You can go for it."
"What?"
"Haran. You like her, isn't it?" Euijoo smiles faintly. "It's okay, the thing I had for her was over as soon as she dumped me after our first kiss. She was kinda rude and mean. I was only twelve, of course I wasn't a good kisser. But it's all in the past now, she's pretty. You should shoot your shot."
Nicholas stares up at him in absolute silence, analyzing every inch of Euijoo’s face. He stares and stares, hoping Euijoo will break and say he's just messing with him, but it never comes. Euijoo only gazes back at him with the same sweet smile, his hand still on his shoulder, giving it a tight tug in encouragement, assuring Nicholas that he is fine with him having feelings for the girl he used to have a crush on years ago. The problem is, Nicholas doesn't like her. He never did.
"I don't like her. I'm not talking about her."
"Oh?" Euijoo tilts his head just a little in confusion. "Then who is it? I can't think of anyone else…"
Nicholas takes a deep breath in a final attempt to collect all the courage he can muster and opens his heart. "You. It's… it's you, Juju."
Euijoo’s whole expression falls. "What?"
With trembling fingers, Nicholas carefully reaches for the hand on his shoulder and takes hold of it, taking Euijoo’s delicate palm in both of his, caressing the soft skin and hoping for the best. "It's you, Euijoo. I like you."
He is already grateful for the fact that Euijoo doesn't pull away or retreat from his touch, just staying there. But he is quiet, and Nicholas’s heart is almost jumping out of his chest. He knows it must be a lot to process, but he needs Euijoo to at least give him some kind of closure.
"I know this is a lot, and maybe you will need some time away from me," Nicholas continues. Euijoo still lets him caress his hand while talking. "I don't know quite sure when it started, sometimes I feel like it was always there. But you're the only one who ever made me feel this way, Juju," he looks up and finds Euijoo staring at him with a blank expression and big, wide eyes, his mouth lightly parted. "You're the only one I want."
Euijoo swallows hard, but Nicholas thinks he still isn't going to say anything and is trying to come up with something else he could say. But then he is surprised by a shift in Euijoo’s stance, him coming closer and standing almost between his open legs.
"You… like me?" Euijoo asks in a hesitant tone.
"I do." Nicholas can't take his eyes off him, looking up from where he's sitting, unable to stop staring at Euijoo’s plump lips and wishing to touch them.
"You like me." He repeats it as an affirmation, like saying the words out loud will help his brain understand the full meaning of Nicholas’s confession.
Nicholas only nods, deciding to stay quiet while Euijoo thinks and rethinks his last statements, absorbing the information, probably putting one and two together. It's not like Nicholas was ever subtle, but he tried not to be that obvious. He cared for Euijoo deeply; their friendship was the most special thing to him. He never denied Euijoo anything, always made time for him, liked to spend time with him, study with him, play with him, walk to and back from school together. He was always around, but that was normal between best friends, Euijoo thinks.
What isn't normal, perhaps, is the way Nicholas opened doors for him, helped him carry his books when Euijoo’s hands were already filled with papers the teacher asked him to bring to class, closed the curtains when Euijoo’s tired body lay down in the classroom to take a quick nap before the next period, took an extra portion of kimbap in the cafeteria just to give to Euijoo even though he doesn't like it, gave Euijoo a seat on the busy, crowded bus instead of sitting himself, protected Euijoo’s head when he leaned down under the table to catch something he dropped on the floor. Euijoo was realizing the amount of small, special acts of service that were always there, things he always thought were completely normal. Maybe Nicholas had been silently trying to send him signals all along. He was just too naive to notice.
"Please, say something," Nicholas can't stand the silence anymore.
Euijoo looks lost, but then he slips his hand out of Nicholas’s hold and brings it to his face, touching Nicholas’s cheek with tender care. Nicholas instantly leans into it, closing his eyes and accepting the touch like it's something he's been craving his whole life. Euijoo studies him—the curve of his nose, the fringe almost brushing his eyes, his upper lip a little more pronounced than the bottom one. This beautiful, desired man, his best friend, likes him. Romantically. As in, wants to kiss him and hold his hand and take him on dates. Euijoo takes a deep breath, and Nicholas opens his eyes.
"I'm sorry, it is in fact a lot to process." Euijoo takes another step closer, and Nicholas makes space for him, spreading his legs wider and carefully bringing his hands to Euijoo’s hips. Euijoo doesn't flinch. "But I'm not opposed to it. I'm just… surprised."
Nicholas huffs out a quiet laugh. "What is there to be surprised about? You are the most likable person I know."
"You're biased, we've been best friends for years."
"And even so, my heart wishes to be more."
Euijoo bites his lip, taking in the intensity with which Nicholas stares at him. This conversation took a very different turn from what he expected. He came in here looking for answers and maybe a bit of an argument, and is now faced with a confession, his best friend shamelessly staring at his mouth, then his eyes, then his mouth again. He can feel what Nicholas wants, and he would be lying if he said he isn't at least curious too. Euijoo has never kissed a guy before, but he knows he feels attracted to men just as much as he does to girls, so this isn't an issue for him. And the particular way Nicholas’s mouth looks right now is very appealing and inviting.
"Can I—"
He cuts Nicholas off by tilting his chin up and slowly leaning down until their noses brush. Nicholas stays still, his eyes already closing, hands nervously gripping Euijoo’s shirt as if bracing for impact. Euijoo smiles, even though Nicholas can't see it, and presses a soft, gentle peck against his lips. He keeps the touch for narrowly three seconds, just a brief hello, before leaning back again and waiting for Nico to open his eyes. When he does, it's like he's already in another dimension, even though this can barely be called a proper kiss.
Euijoo can clearly see the effect he has on this man, and it's like his body reacts before he can even process what he's doing. He leans in again, more intent this time, and lets Nicholas guide him to sit on his lap as soon as their mouths touch again. Euijoo straddles him and wraps his arms around his neck in a tight embrace, sliding their lips together in soft caresses, barely tasting each other, studying this new territory, breathing each other in through slow, delicate brushes.
Nicholas keeps his hands still on Euijoo’s waist—not firm, not eager—only holding him in place, like the barest movement might scare Euijoo away. So Euijoo takes the initiative once again and parts his lips a little more, a clear invitation for Nico to slip his tongue inside and turn the kiss into something more intimate. The first touch of their tongues is almost funny, tingling, but also feverishly hot and delicious. Euijoo can't help the small hum that escapes his mouth when Nico gives a tiny, gentle bite to his lower lip before slipping inside again and brushing against his palate.
They share a few more kisses, and when they need to, they separate, breathing the same air, foreheads resting together, Euijoo’s thighs caging Nicholas in.
"This is…"
"Are you free tomorrow?" Nicholas interrupts him. "Let’s take a walk by the Han River. Or rent bikes. Anything. Just let me take you out… On a date. A real one. Please?"
Euijoo leans back to stare at his best friend. Nicholas’s cheeks are rosy, his lips swollen, his eyes filled with pure adoration. There’s no denying this boy holds him very dearly in his heart, and Euijoo feels a little dumb for not having noticed that before. He also can't quite believe he is now sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around him, lips still tasting like him. He thinks about how jealous all of those girls would be if they could see him right now. The thought brings a soft smile to his face as he nods.
"It's a date," he confirms, and Nicholas breaks into another beautiful smile.
He hugs Euijoo tight, burying his face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in like something precious, thanking him for a chance. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, gently rocking together, enjoying the closeness that now carries a new meaning. They can feel each other’s heartbeats, fast and overwhelming, like they might burst at any second, both of them quietly thrilled by the shift in their relationship.
One thing is certain: both boys care for each other more than words can explain. And that is what makes them feel safe—knowing that no matter what happens next, they will take each other’s feelings into account and do their best not to hurt one another.
And if on Monday morning they walk into school side by side, fingers intertwined, soft smiles playing on their lips and a new warmth blooming on their cheeks, drawing curious glances from everyone around them, it’s still something that belongs only to them.