Work Text:
Ivy Potter sighed as she stared at the stack of paperwork in front of her. Why was it so tall? Hadn’t she just finished the backup pile from the last four hundred years?
She sighed again, as dramatically as possible, and leaned her elbows on the desk in front of her, rubbing her eyes to assuage the coming headache. A soft chuckle from her right and the tell-tale swish of more papers appearing in front of her made her groan in distaste. Ivy raised her chin to rest on her hands and tilted her head to look at the unending entity of Death, who was smiling as he dropped more paperwork onto her growing stack.
She narrowed her eyes, “You’re trying to kill me with paperwork.”
The entity blinked as he dropped another paper onto the pile, “You are as unending as I am, my Master. Even I am unable to kill you.”
Ivy pouted, “Well, you certainly seem to be trying.”
“I would never, Master,” Death smirked as yet another paper slid onto Ivy’s desk.
The two immortal beings held eye contact, each daring the other to break first. Ivy puffed her cheeks out in concentration as she held onto the piercing gaze next to her. Death’s eyes were light blue today, his appearance that of a young man with pale skin and sandy blond hair. He was wearing a black suit and tie, looking better fit for a muggle funeral than sorting paperwork behind a desk.
Suddenly, blue changed to brown and Ivy blinked.
She smacked her hand on the desk, “That’s cheating!”
Death smirked at her as he turned to a chalkboard hanging on the wall and picked up a piece of chalk. With a swipe of his hand, a 2 was changed to 3, and he set down the chalk with a smile. The board now read: Wins Death – 1,344,763; Wins Ivy – 4.
“I’ll make it five, just you wait,” Ivy crowed, pointing her finger at the entity.
“Of course you will, Master,” Death replied as he turned, eyes back to their previous blue.
Ivy slid down in her chair until her chin was level with the desk and crossed her arms, “I need a holiday. How long has it been since we had one?”
Death waved his hand, and a bright pink planner covered in unicorn stickers appeared and was snatched from the air, “It appears my last holiday was 4,576 mortal years ago, and yours was 421 mortal years ago.”
Ivy groaned from her slouched position, “So we’re both due a holiday.”
“Death does not go on holiday,” Death primly stated.
“Well then what were you doing 4,576 years ago?”
Death hummed as he scanned the planner in his hands, “…things.”
Ivy looked up at the entity with a furrowed brow, “You know what, I don’t even want to know.”
“Wise decision,” Death nodded.
The two immortals sat in silence for a few minutes, both ignoring the newest paper that appeared from thin air above Ivy’s desk and floated onto her ever-increasing stack.
“Actually, now I kind of want to know,” Ivy prompted.
“…You really do not,” Death replied.
“See, you insisting I don’t makes me want to know more.”
The planner in Death’s hands disappeared, and a new stack took its place. The entity moved over the top few papers onto Ivy’s desk, “It was before your time; you need not concern yourself over it.”
Ivy sat back up in her chair, “You’re making me think it was something bad.”
Death added another paper to Ivy’s stack, which she pointedly ignored, “It was simply something completely unrelated to anything you need to know, Master.”
“C’mon, Death,” Ivy prodded, leaning forward, “You love to gossip. Unless you want me to ask one of the reapers…”
“Actually, Master,” Death started as the pile of papers in his hands suddenly doubled, “I think a holiday sounds wonderful. I will get right on that.”
The entity dropped the papers in front of Ivy as she sputtered in disbelief, “I will leave you in charge while I am gone. Best of luck.”
With that, Death disappeared silently from the room, leaving Ivy alone staring at the numerous piles of unfinished paperwork on her desk.
“Bloody hell,” she muttered as she grabbed a paper off the top of the stack, “that just makes it all the more interesting.”
The Master of Death looked at the paper in her hands and sighed at the name, “Not the bloody Winchesters again.”
Ivy slid open the bottom drawer of her desk and reached in for the stamp she had made several years ago for this exact purpose. She smacked it aggressively onto the form in front of her and smiled at the bright red letters that covered most of the page.
“There, much better,” Ivy grinned as the paper now reading ‘NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM’ was added to her completed work stack, “Now, I wonder if Grell knows the gossip Death wasn’t telling me.”
As the Master of Death reached for her landline to phone a certain reaper, she felt a sudden tug in her gut. Touching her stomach in confusion, Ivy Potter only had a moment to consider what could be happening. Possibilities ran through her head before she came across the most probable case: Death had left her in charge. That meant someone was summoning Death and getting her instead, since a certain eternal entity decided to go on holiday to avoid her questions.
Ivy clenched her teeth as the pull became stronger, “That mother…”
Suddenly, the office was empty. The Master of Death had disappeared in a swirl of air that pushed the papers on her desk around, mixing the previously neatly sorted piles. A soft knock sounded at the office door, and when no reply came, the door was pushed open, and a young man with blond and black hair leaned his head in.
“Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if…” the reaper trailed off after noticing the scattered papers and empty room. He looked around without entering, only leaning slightly further in from the doorway, eyebrows furrowing behind his glasses.
“I thought they were both in today,” the reaper mused to the empty room, “Well, I’ll just come back tomorrow then.”
Nodding to himself, the reaper turned, gloved hands closing the door behind him as he started down the hall, a slight skip in his step at the opportunity to get off work without overtime.
“…fucker!”
Namikaze Minato crashed to his knees as a wave of the strongest killing intent he had ever experienced washed over him. Pushing with all his strength, he managed to raise his head the smallest amount and catch a glimpse of Kushina. She was still holding the Kyūbi down with her chakra chains, her face white with blood loss and strain, and a wailing Naruto clutched tightly in her arms.
Minato had to convince the Shinigami to accept his soul in exchange for sealing the Kyūbi as fast as possible.
“Shinigami-sama,” Minato struggled to get the words out, “I offer you…”
“Oh dear,” the Shinigami gasped (and wasn’t that strange), “Mortals! Can you feel that? I am so sorry. I was just ever so mad at Death, you see. He really should have just told me about what he was doing instead of ignoring me…”
As the Shinigami continued chattering, the killing intent lifted, and the Hokage was able to raise his head enough to look at the being. At least he was slightly certain it was the Shinigami he summoned. Their appearance was that of a teenage girl, on the shorter side with tan skin and a head-full of long, extremely messy black hair. He’d seen Kushina look more put together after hours of training, including when she’d ended up in a lake and covered in mud. The dress she was wearing was a deep red that reached her knees, over a white shirt with billowing sleeves. Something that would be entirely impractical on a ninja and in a style Minato had never seen before. It made her look even younger, around the same age as Kakashi.
“…so then I was about to call Grell for their opinion, but you summoned me. Thanks for that, by the way. Now my paperwork is going to be even more backed up since I have to… what’s all that noise?”
Minato held himself back from interrupting the possibly-still-annoyed maybe-Shinigami as she finally noticed the giant, growling Kyūbi behind her that Kushina was struggling to hold down.
“Hello, giant fox,” the Shinigami waved at the Kyūbi, causing the demon to fall silent, “I’m trying to have a conversation down here, could you quiet down? Or…”
The Shinigami looked around, appearing to suddenly notice that Kushina was holding the Kyūbi back with her chakra chains while having Naruto asleep on her chest. Minato propelled himself into standing in hopes of pulling the Shinigami’s attention from his wife and child.
The being looked back at him, tilting her head and rubbing her bottom lip between her teeth. It was an incredibly human act for a teenage-girl-looking death god.
“I got so distracted, I completely forgot to ask,” the Shinigami narrowed her eyes at Minato as she flicked her eyes over his harried appearance, “why did you summon Death?”
Minato swallowed, holding himself back from another glance at his vulnerable wife and child, “Shinigami-sama, I offer you my…”
The death god held up a small hand, “You were trying to summon a Shinigami?”
“Yes, Shinigami-sama…” Minato trailed off. Had the jutsu not worked? Who had he summoned?
“That is so weird,” the maybe-not-Shinigami mused as she dropped her chin into one hand, starting to tap her fingers on her cheek, “Why would the summoning be for Death if you were trying to get a Shinigami?”
Minato took a small step towards the being that he was now quite sure was not a Shinigami, causing her eyes to snap up from where they were flicking over the trees behind him, “May I ask who I summoned, Shinigami-sama?”
“Oh, I’m not a Shinigami,” the girl waved her hand as she looked back at the Kyūbi and Kushina again, “I think you messed something up. You went a little higher in management and summoned Death itself.”
Minato aborted his next step forward. He had expected a Shinigami, a simple soul exchange. Instead, he had summoned Death. Who was apparently a teenage girl? Or at least decided to look like one for some reason. Well, he would work with what he got.
Minato bowed low, “Shi-sama, please excuse my impudence for calling you here, but would you accept the deal I was asking the Shinigami for?”
Death hummed, “Oh, I’m not Death, like I said earlier, he decided to take a holiday. Also, I know I haven’t been around mortals in a bit, so I can’t quite tell, but is she okay?”
The girl who was also apparently not Death once again ignored his offer, instead gesturing towards Kushina, whose skin was turning grey from blood loss as she struggled to hold her chakra chains steady. The Kyūbi was no longer fighting or growling, having stayed still and silent even after the being had moved her attention away from it. Well, whoever he had summoned appeared to frighten the demon into silence, so Minato hoped she could also seal the beast. Minato would just go with goddess; she was probably a goddess.
“She is dying,” Minato choked out the words, “the beast broke her seal when she was giving birth. That is what I wished to ask you…”
“What beast?”
Minato decided to risk a slight raise from his bow to gesture to the giant fox, “A man attacked us while my wife was giving birth and released the Kyūbi from its seal. It destroyed part of our village.”
Almost on cue, the Kyūbi started to growl again, causing Naruto to restart his wailing. Minato flinched hard and held himself back from running to his wife and child.
“A baby!” the goddess crowed, her entire face lighting up, “He’s so cute! Oh, he’s probably so scared, too. And you should stand back up, that looks incredibly uncomfortable.”
With the last bit directed at him, Minato raised himself from his bow to see the goddess casually wave her hand in the direction of the Kyūbi, causing it to let out an ear-piercing noise he could only describe as a shriek as it suddenly shrank to the size of a house cat. Kushina’s chains fell away and returned to her body, causing his wife to let out a startled gasp and groan of pain. Naruto continued to wail as the goddess simply plucked the tiny demon off the ground and started stroking it like a pet.
“It’s your baby, right?” the goddess asked, nodding her head towards the crying Naruto, “you should hold him or something. Oh, wait! What was your name? You can call me Ivy.”
Minato stumbled in place. The nonchalantness of whatever goddess he had summoned was still throwing him off, “My name is Namikaze Minato, …Aimi-sama?”
Aimi-sama shrugged, “Close enough,” she continued stroking the fox demon and watching as Minato slowly crept towards his wife and child, never turning his back to her.
“Right! You summoned me, or rather a Shinigami, but accidentally Death,” Aimi-sama started towards them, bare feet almost skipping on the grass as she continued to pet the demon-turned-house-cat in her arms, “And I’m assuming you used your soul, since I can feel it. Not my cuppa tea, that. I never really liked getting into the soul business, but this isn’t really something you can cancel after you start so…”
She trailed off, staring intently at Minato’s chest, “Yeah, that is so weird. Next time I get summoned, I’m gonna be so pissed if someone bargains their soul. Fucking Tom.”
Minato kneeled in the dirt next to Kushina, taking her hand in his as he looked up at the being holding the Kyūbi. His wife’s hand was cold, and he could tell she was barely clinging to consciousness. That in itself was surprising, even with her Uzumaki blood. She should’ve been dead by now, or at least completely unconscious.
Minato swallowed, putting some ideas together in his mind, “How is my wife still alive?”
The goddess smiled, “We hadn’t finished our conversation yet.”
The Hokage blanched at the implications.
“I would have already fixed her back up, but I didn’t know if that was part of your request,” Aimi-sama continued, “I wouldn’t want to mess up your whole thing when the summoning already got messed up.”
Minato kneeled there, holding onto his wife in quiet horror as he contemplated that. He could save his wife. But then what would happen to his village? Kushina always understood that he was the Hokage; Konoha came first no matter what. His wife and son were everything, but he had a duty to every single person in their village. He couldn’t choose the few over the many, even if the few were his family.
Aimi-sama hummed from a few paces away, “I can feel people coming. We should probably finish before it gets too loud. What was your request?”
Closing his eyes in defeat, Minato bowed his head again towards the goddess, “I ask that you tear the Kyūbi in half and seal half into my son, consuming its other half and my soul to suffer eternal torment.”
“…Bloody hell. What?” the goddess gagged, “You want me to eat your soul? Who even does that?”
No, it couldn’t be. She had to take his deal. He had to save his village. His eyes snapped open as Minato raised his head to see Aimi-sama looking back and forth between him and the fox with disgust written clearly on her face, “Do the Shinigami do that? And asking me to rip another soul in half?”
“That is my request,” Minato growled, anger fueling his confidence in the face of this unknown goddess. If he could face the demon, he could face her, “You said you cannot cancel a deal once it starts. I already promised you my soul, so you need to accept my request.”
The atmosphere changed immediately. Around the goddess’s head, the air started to shimmer with power, her eyes glowing acid green as a frown overtook her face. The Kyūbi in her arms started to shake as her hand paused in its ministrations.
“I do not need to accept anything,” the goddess scoffed, her hair floating around her head as the familiar press of her killing intent returned twofold, “It is as you said, a request. Your soul was the price for summoning me. I now have it, whether I want it or not. You forced me to come here, forced me to take your soul, and now you demand the maiming of another? And sealing it into a child? Who are you to demand such a thing from me?”
Minato was pressed into the ground by the force of the air around him. He struggled to breathe as it crushed him, unable to even open his mouth to speak.
Suddenly, Kushina coughed next to him. Her fingers were squeezing his lightly from where they were still joined.
“Please,” Kushina rasped, “Our village.”
“You would support him?” the goddess demanded, “I told him he could choose you, yet he demands I destroy a soul and make your son a horcrux. Your husband chooses power over love.”
Minato could feel Kushina squeezing her fingers into his again. He tried to squeeze back, to beg his wife not to upset the goddess he had already offended, but he was unable to move.
“Not power, love. Love for…” Kushina broke off into a soft coughing fit, struggling with the words as blood spilled down her lips, “for the village.”
The hokage couldn’t even move his throat to swallow as his wife pleaded with the angry goddess. He wasn’t able to raise his head, to look at the expression on either of the women’s faces as he was driven to the ground by the pressure of the goddess’s displeasure.
After a few moments, a soft hum from the goddess was accompanied by a lift in the pressure. Minato felt the muscles in his back release from the pain he hadn’t been aware of, and he squeezed Kushina’s hand in his, unwilling to raise his head just yet.
“Now, Namikaze Minato,” the goddess ordered, “explain exactly why you want me to do such an unspeakable thing, and then make your request… better.”
Minato chanced raising himself from where he’d been forcibly prostrated on the ground, keeping his hand in his wife’s and his eyes on the ground as he kneeled.
“Kushina had the Kyūbi sealed into her as our village’s Jinchūriki, but the seal was broken when that man attacked us. The demon began destroying the village as soon as it was released, and it will again if you don’t seal it into my son. Konoha needs a Jinchūriki to stand up to the other villages, or they will think us weak and invade. But my son is a baby; he would not be able to stand both halves of the Kyūbi, which is why I ask that you split the demon and seal its Yang half into Naruto.”
The pressure above him disappeared entirely, and Minato raised his head to see the goddess staring at him in confusion, “You named your kid after a ramen topping?”
“Ramen’s the best ‘ttebane,” Kushina wheezed out from next to him, and Minato squeezed her hand in fear.
“Please forgive her, Aimi-sama,” Minato breathed, hoping to avoid further offending the goddess who was already annoyed with him, “Kushina is…”
“It’s all good. Sorry I freaked out on you a bit there,” the goddess sighed, beginning to pet the demon in her arms again, “had to make sure you weren’t some power-hungry sociopath or something. You would not believe what people get up to with their souls.”
Looking around, the goddess huffed before lowering herself to the ground, causing Minato to flinch and squeeze Kushina’s hand again, “So, just to confirm, you want me to split this cute little fox’s soul and shove half into your baby,” Aimi-sama pointed at Naruto, who had fallen asleep at some point, “because of something to do with mortal politics I have no desire to get into, yes?”
Minato nodded, hoping this meant the goddess had decided to heed his request.
“And you support this?” She looked directly at Kushina, who was still holding onto consciousness.
“Yes,” his wife confirmed with a small nod of her head.
The goddess hummed, one hand scratching behind the demon’s ear while the other smoothed out her skirts, “Well, this little guy has feelings too, but he did destroy your village, and there’s the politics I’m choosing to ignore… so I’ll accept your request with a small change.”
Minato swallowed, “What change?”
“Well, there’s no way I’m consuming either soul; that’s gross. But I will seal the fox’s Yang half in your ramen child, where he will stay until Naruto dies. Then I’ll put him back together. It’ll be like a time-out for him until then. How long do humans live again? A few hundred years?”
“Not nearly that long,” Minato corrected, startling slightly as he felt several chakra signatures approaching, “What will you do with my soul, Aimi-sama?”
Aimi-sama smiled, “You’d need to be good at paperwork to be a village leader, right?”
Three ANBU flashed into the clearing before he could reply, two moving behind him and Kushina in defensive stances, while the third appeared behind the goddess.
“Stand down. Do not move,” he ordered the masks he recognized as Genma, Raidō, and Kakashi. He could see the tightness all three held in their frames, barely holding themselves back from reacting to the scene in front of them.
“Oh, hello! We’ll have to do introductions later. I’d get much too distracted now,” Aimi-sama smiled at each of the masks before returning her attention to the Hokage, “I need an assistant, I have way too much paperwork to deal with.”
Minato nodded. That was different than he expected, and he was still unsure exactly what Aimi-sama was the goddess of, but he had expected to be fighting for eternity against the Kyūbi inside the Shinigami’s stomach. Paperwork he could do.
“But Namikaze-san, souls are worth a lot,” raising an eyebrow, she tilted her head towards Kushina, who was breathing heavily next to him, “Isn’t there anything else you wanted to ask for?”
Minato stared at the goddess in incomprehension. Was she really offering to save Kushina? Could he ask that of her with no repercussions, and did he take the risk in case it wasn’t what she meant? Who was he kidding? Of course, he would.
“Heal Kushina!” he blurted before managing to compose himself, “please heal my wife, Aimi-sama.”
The largest smile he had seen from her yet bloomed across the goddess’s face, “I accept your requests, Namikaze Minato.”
With her words, the air surrounding them seemed to condense as light the same acid green as her eyes filled the clearing. The Wind picked up, and Minato was forced to close his eyes against the rising brightness. He felt Kushina’s hand warm in his as she gasped, and the chakra signatures of his ANBU spiked in alarm. Minato squeezed his wife’s hand harder than he had risked earlier, relishing in the strength that she squeezed back with. He was thankful for the extra moments with his family he’d been given and would die with a smile on his face.
The heat and light faded, and Minato opened his eyes, not knowing what to expect. One thing he hadn’t expected was remaining in the same clearing as before, the goddess still seated in front of him with a small orange cat on her lap. A glance to his side showed Kushina sitting up, smiling as she held Naruto in one arm, her other hand in his.
Naruto’s stomach was covered in a large seal he didn’t recognize, and Minato reached out his chakra to feel the Kyūbi’s. The feeling of harsh fire was attached to his son, but the malevolence that had been coating it while the Kyūbi attacked was gone. A similar signature was coming from the cat held in the goddess’s arms.
The sound of retching drew him from his thoughts as Raidō and Kakashi both tilted their masks to puke into the grass below them. Genma looked to be in slightly better shape, leaning his arms heavily on his legs and barely keeping himself standing.
“Oh dear,” Aimi-sama stood from her spot on the ground, dropping the Kyūbi-cat as she started towards Genma, “I completely forgot to shield you from the effects of that! Are you okay? All three of you? That was probably quite unpleasant. Being right on the edge of my spell had to be enormously uncomfortable.”
Minato watched in barely concealed confusion as she attempted to comfort Genma by lightly patting his back, which only caused him to stiffen and shudder at her contact. He still didn’t know why he wasn’t dead, but it looked like he’d have to figure out what the goddess wanted and stop his ANBU from doing anything that could offend her. Several more chakra signatures were approaching, and seeing as he was still alive, it seemed he was still Hokage. With a kiss to Kushina’s hand, he started to stand, only to be yanked back by the force of his wife pulling him back down.
He turned to his wife, only to end up with a baby in his arms as she passed Naruto to him and stood, “Kushina, what…”
“Hold our baby, Minato-chan,” she hissed at him, “I’m gonna go thank a goddess and figure out how to get her to not kill you ‘ttebane.”
“Kushina!”
“You’re in charge of the kids,” Kushina announced as she walked away, waving towards Raidō and Kakashi, who were still retching behind him.
Minato rose to his feet as his wife almost danced over to the goddess who was continuing her poor attempts to calm Genma, “Aimi-sama, do you like ramen?”
Naruto took the opportunity to start crying, and Minato instinctively started bouncing the baby lightly as he rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He turned to Kakashi and Raidō just in time to see Fugaku and Shikaku emerge in the clearing.
This day was only getting longer.
Ivy thought she was getting pretty good at this summoning stuff. Sure, it was her first one, and she hadn’t interacted with mortals in a few centuries, but it was going great so far. Death probably couldn’t have done better himself! She might’ve scared the mortals a bit, but she had just been so angry at the thought of someone making another human horcrux. And what was all that about eating his soul? She was definitely asking one of the Shinigami when she got back to her office.
All in all, it had gone well. Minato would be her new assistant, and she’d be free of some of her paperwork. First, she had to figure out how much she’d be paying him. And his hours. And his length of contract.
Huh. That sounded like more paperwork.
Ivy groaned and shoved her face into the immortal fox she had transformed into a cat, hugging him closer. Of course, her summoning led to more paperwork for her, even if it involved getting herself an assistant. Whenever Death came back from holiday, she was throwing her pencil sharpener at him.
Now that was an idea. Death had taken a holiday, and she had already been dropped in a random mortal world. What was stopping her from taking one?
“Aimi-sama?”
Ivy looked up at the newcomer, and then kept looking up. Merlin, the man was tall. She’d thought Minato was tall, but this guy beat him at that. His hair also added a fair amount of height with the giant spiky ponytail that sat atop his head. Two long scars stretched across the left side of his face, narrowly missing his eye. The glint in said eye reminded her of some of the trickier reapers who had tried to pull things on her when she was new.
“Are there any touristy things to do around here?” she asked without preamble. Kushina snorted from where she had taken over sorting the sick masked kid. Ivy had offered him a potion, but he had seemingly been distracted by puking after she started talking to him. Maybe her aura wasn’t fully pulled in?
The scarred man looked like it was taking an enormous amount of effort not to raise an eyebrow or question her non-sequitur, but he managed it with more grace than Death usually did, “I apologize, Aimi-sama, but our village has been partially destroyed. It will be some time before we have ‘touristy things’ available.”
“Good point,” Ivy nodded, “Which way is the village?”
“May I ask why you wish to know?” the man questioned with slightly narrowed eyes.
“Since I’m here, I can fix it up a bit,” Ivy explained offhandedly as she glanced past the tall man to see how the other two sick boys were doing. They appeared to still be retching, which couldn’t be fun. It probably wasn’t life-threatening, but since she’d forgotten to shield the three boys from her spell, they’d probably be sick for a few hours if not days. In her inattention, she missed the slight widening of the man’s eyes, or the calculation running behind the disbelief.
The man straightened, pulling her focus back to him, “What do you wish for in return, Aimi-sama?”
“Ooh, can you tell me about what touristy things I can do around this world?” She flapped the hand not clutching the cat for effect, “I’m thinking of taking a holiday while I’m here. Oh, and what’s your name? I’m Ivy”
“My name is Nara Shikaku, Aibi-sama,” Shikaku replied, “and that is a deal.”
Ivy squinted in confusion, muttering to herself, “Mortals are so weird. Who’s making deals here?”
Shikaku turned slightly and raised a hand in an ‘after-you’ gesture.
“Brilliant,” Ivy smiled as she turned to head in the direction he was pointing, “I’ll be back, Kushina-san. I hope he feels better. Let me know if he wants any of the potions.”
“Thank you, Aimi-sama,” Kushina breathed from next to the heaving boy.
Petting the fox-cat in her arms, Ivy walked next to Shikaku into the woods. She could think of so many jokes about following a strange man into the woods, but, well, she was an immortal being who had existed for thousands of years, and he was just some dude. Nothing against him at all, he was probably super strong or something! Ivy was just being a realist. It took way more effort for her to not accidentally crush the mortals with her presence.
“You mentioned you are planning on a holiday, Aibi-sama,” Shikaku started as they walked, his pace slowing to match hers as her bare feet crept over twigs and rocks.
“Hmm? Oh, yes,” Ivy replied, skipping over a particularly large pebble, “Death and I were discussing it earlier, and he said he hadn’t had one in almost 5,000 years, and I’m at over 400. Apparently, his last holiday was something interesting, but instead of sharing, he disappeared and left me with his summons. And then Namikaze-san summoned a Shinigami, and I showed up. I’m still not sure how that happened, and I just know I’ll be stuck with even more paperwork because of it.”
Shikaku nodded along to her complaints, steps only stuttering slightly at the number of years since her last holiday, “I’m sorry if this is an overstep, Aibi-sama,” he remarked, “but Minato-sama was a bit confused about your title. He believed you to be Death, but as you say Death is an… acquaintance?”
Ivy nodded, grimacing as one of her toes scraped against a twig. She waved a hand, and grey boots appeared on her feet, making her sigh slightly in relief, “I’m sure it was quite confusing. I already told myself I’m throwing my pencil sharpener right at Death’s face when he’s back from holiday.”
She paused before continuing, “So, if you think of Shinigami as employees, then Death would be the boss, right?”
Shikaku nodded, prompting her to keep going.
“I’m Death’s boss.”
Shikaku tripped on the ground, only narrowly stopping himself from falling on his face in front of the Master of Death.
“Are you okay?” Ivy yelped, reaching out a hand to steady his arm. He flinched heavily at her contact, causing her to pull away, “Sorry, does my aura hurt? I thought I was pulling it back.”
Shikaku cleared his throat and straightened himself before turning to Ivy and bowing deeply, “I apologize if anyone has caused offense since your summoning, Aibi-sama.”
Ivy shook her head, “Please don’t bow, it really is fine.”
“You have done Konoha a great honor,” Shikaku insisted as he rose from his bow, “Not only for answering a summons that was beneath you, but for allowing Kushina-san to live.”
Waving off his comments, Ivy started walking again, “I was there, so might as well. Plus, Namikaze-san’s summoning has given me the perfect excuse for a holiday!”
Shikaku followed as she reached the end of the woods and stepped onto a street. All around them buildings were demolished, and people stood screaming and crying. Men and women in green jackets ran around putting out fires and pulling people from the crushed buildings. Ivy clicked her tongue and raised the fox-cat in her arms to meet her eyes.
“This is why you’re in time-out,” she huffed, “Do you see what you did? This will be so much paperwork!”
Shikaku made a noise Ivy couldn’t identify, and she saw him make an aborted move towards one of the buildings before he steadied himself.
“Walk with me, Nara-san,” Ivy insisted before she started walking down the ruined street, carefully stepping over broken glass and wood, “Tell me about these tourist things.”
Shikaku took a shuddering breath and sped a few paces to catch up with her, “What would interest you, Aibi-sama?”
Ivy scratched the fox-cat behind the ears, “Good food. Oh, an onsen could be nice, are there any good spots for that?”
“The Land of Hot Water is known for its natural hot springs,” he started, “although there are several onsen here in the Land of Fire that I believe could rival their best.”
As they walked down the street, the cracks beneath their feet started to close. The buildings around them creaked loudly as their frames started shifting to repair themselves. Glass glittered as it rose off the ground and knitted itself back into panes, slowly restoring themselves into the windows they belonged to. Ivy ignored the slight stuttering in Shikaku’s speech as she continued down the street, considering his suggestions.
“…My wife favors the mushi yōkan they serve there, although I prefer the dango. I fear they might not be open just yet, even with the… repairs happening. But if Hasegawa-san is doing well, I expect them to open soon.”
Ivy hummed in agreement, “I would love to try their yōkan and dango since you and your wife seem to speak so well of them. Hopefully they can reopen soon.”
Shikaku nodded as they turned down a different street, hastily waving an ANBU that was approaching away, “How long do you plan to spend on holiday here?”
“Do you think a month would be long enough?” Ivy asked, “I shouldn’t push off my work for too long, but it has been a few centuries since I took a break.”
“If you know where you’re going, I think a month would suffice,” Shikaku remarked, “There are some Lands I would recommend avoiding, for your comfort. Perhaps a guide would help?”
Ivy lit up, “That is a great idea! Do you have any suggestions? I would ask you, but you seem rather important.”
“I would be honoured, Aibi-sama,” Shikaku stated, “but my wife has recently had a child, and with my additional responsibilities here, I would be too distracted to provide you with the proper service of a guide.”
“Then I can’t ask Kushina-san either,” Ivy muttered as they came to a sudden halt. One of the downed buildings was completely covering the street in front of them, while numerous people in green jackets rushed around pulling people from the wreckage. Ivy huffed and waved her hand, ignoring the screams of fright and confusion as the rubble and its occupants were lifted off the ground and moved to the side. Mortals were set gently on the ground while the building repaired itself. The Master of Death resumed her stroll under the floating debris and was quickly followed by Shikaku.
Shikaku continued their conversation as if nothing had happened, “Minato-sama mentioned being your assistant, would you take him as your guide?”
Ivy considered for a moment before shaking her head, “No, we’ll be spending the next however long together for work. I won’t bother him with my presence while I’m on holiday.”
“Minato-sama would stay here then?” Shikaku questioned as they turned down the next street.
“Until I’m done with my holiday,” Ivy explained, “when I leave, he’ll need to come with me. Messy things, soul deals. His soul can’t remain in this world once I’m gone.”
Shikaku nodded in understanding, “So once you leave, he’ll die.”
“Well, in a way, he’s already dead,” Ivy mused, “You’re already dead, they’re all already dead,” she waved her arm out at the various citizens scattered across the street, “Death is the one constant: everything dies. Well, almost everything.”
“But Minato-sama will die when you leave,” Shikaku pushed.
“Yes, Namikaze-san will die when I leave,” Ivy confirmed, “Speaking of which, do you know anyone good at writing contracts?”
Shikaku turned to look more directly at her, “Yes?”
“Because I need to write up a work contract for Namikaze-san. Hours, pay, length of contract and whatnot.”
Shikaku stared at her as she continued, “I’ve never done any of the reaper contracts, not that this is the same thing at all, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to include in it. I’d assume the length should be the same as for the Kyūbi’s time-out, since that was a big part of the whole soul-selling thing.”
“There will be an end date to his contract,” Shikaku echoed in bafflement.
“Yes, of course,” Ivy replied, completely unaware of the look on his face, “I didn’t want his soul in the first place, but the man summoned me with it, so I had to make some sort of deal. I’ll get an assistant for however long, and then when the contract is up, I just toss his soul back into the reincarnation cycle.”
“Toss it back in,” Shikaku repeated.
“Toss it in nicely, Ivy clarified.
“How troublesome,” Shikaku muttered before clearing his throat, “I can find someone to complete the contract for you while you go on holiday.”
“Brilliant,” Ivy crowed as she waved her hand and fixed the broken leg of a child on the ground as they passed, “One less piece of paperwork for me to do.”
Namikaze Minato, Nara Shikaku, Uchiha Fugaku, and Sarutobi Hiruzen sat around one of the conference tables in the Hokage tower. Several bottles of whiskey sat open in the center as the men nursed their glasses. The walls were covered in silencing seals, and the ANBU guards had moved outside.
Minato broke the silence first, “Aimi-sama said a month?”
“I believe Kushina-san got her up to two months. She told her she should take at least two weeks off for each century since her last vacation,” Shikaku replied as he reached for a bottle to refill his glass, “And apparently we’ve all been saying her name wrong.”
The other three startled.
“What?” Fugaku croaked.
“Ivy-sama said her name is in a different language. The equivalent would be ‘Tsuta’.”
Hiruzen groaned, “And she forgave the offense?”
“Her words were: ‘It could happen to anyone’,” Shikaku explained as he topped off his glass.
“How did you manage to summon the most forgiving god in existence by accident?” Fugaku asked wearily.
Shikaku snorted into his glass, “Not a god.”
“A being higher than the existence of Death itself,” Minato whimpered as he dropped his head onto the table.
“That somehow both your wife and Shikaku are friends with,” Fugaku added as he leaned back in his chair, “Because being friends with the Master of Death itself is a thing that can happen, apparently.”
“She fixed the village in exchange for traveling advice,” Shikaku whispered as he stared at nothing, “Troublesome.”
Fugaku coughed, “One of my men reported being lifted in the air while you and Tsuta-sama walked underneath?”
Shikaku nodded, “I had to hold myself back from doing anything. I didn’t know if our deal would hold up if I left her before she was satisfied with the conversation.”
“You walking with her and having a simple conversation was the best help you could’ve provided to the village,” Minato reasoned from where his face was pressed to the table, “She fixed the entire village because you gave her dango shop recommendations.”
“At one point, she held up the Kyūbi and told it that it was in time-out because it gave her more paperwork,” Shikaku took a deep swig of his drink, “Looked it right in the eyes and shook it like a misbehaving cat.”
Hiruzen cleared his throat and changed the topic, “Do we believe Shiranui-san was the best option to send with her as a guide on her… holiday?”
“Kushina-chan said Aimi-sama, sorry, Tsuta-sama thought he was ‘adorable’,” Minato made air quotations as he spoke, head remaining on the table, “apparently an eighteen-year-old registers as a child for her.”
Fugaku snorted, “We all probably register as children to her, even Sandaime-sama.”
“Tsuta-sama is an immortal being,” Hiruzen agreed, “If the last time she interacted with mortals was almost five centuries ago, I can’t imagine how long she has existed.”
“How a probably multi-millennia-old being can still act like a distracted teenager is troublesome,” Shikaku yawned.
Minato shivered, “A scary teenager. I thought she would burn the country down when I upset her.”
“What mission pay is Shiranui-san getting for this?” Shikaku asked.
“Nothing below S-rank at least,” Fugaku muttered into his glass.
Minato groaned, “At least we’re saving money from the cleanup. Although all the money we save should just go to Genma-kun. I might have to invent a new mission ranking for escorting a goddess around on a tour of multiple countries for a few months.”
“Well, if you do, keep it in the records,” Shikaku added, “With our luck, someone else will manage to summon her in a few years, and she’ll decide to take another holiday while she’s here.”
Fugaku and Hiruzen both reached for more whiskey as Minato started pounding his head onto the table. Shikaku had to grab his glass before it could slip off the edge from the vibrations. The four men continued to sit without speaking, three taking long drinks of their whiskey as their Hokage continuously smashed his face into the wood. After a few minutes, the Yondaime sat up and downed the remainder of his glass in one gulp.
“We need to decide who will be the next Hokage,” Minato announced as he set his glass down.
Hiruzen clicked his teeth, “It will look weak to change the Hokage so soon after the Kyūbi attack.”
“Then the Godaime will have to be strong,” Minato declared, “Kushina-chan has bought us extra time, and we have two months to ensure Konoha can have a smooth transition to the next hokage.”
“Troublesome,” Shikaku sighed.
Fugaku leaned his elbows onto the table and set his chin in his hands, “Who are the candidates?”
“Jiraiya-sensei is a possible option. Tsunade-sama would probably go missing-nin if I tried to give her the hat. Kakashi-kun is too young. Hiashi-san…”
“No,” Fugaku interrupted.
“Agreed,” Shikaku yawned, “Hiashi-san is not a good fit for Hokage.”
“Orochimaru-kun could be a good fit,” Hiruzen pondered.
Minato tapped his glass with a finger, “I don’t know if he has enough support. Fugaku, it’d be the same with you.”
Fugaku grit his teeth but nodded, “It is not a good idea so soon after the Kyūbi attack. Rumours have started circulating, and someone is trying to lay the blame at our feet.”
“I’ll look into that,” Minato assured, “Shikaku…”
“No,” Shikaku immediately declined, “absolutely not.”
Hiruzen placed a hand on the table, “Shimura was a possibility before I chose you, Minato.”
“But you didn’t choose him for a reason, I’m assuming,” Fugaku countered.
Minato nodded, “Danzo-san may think he has the idea of what is best for Konoha, but he leaves much to be desired.”
“So, it’s between Jiraiya-sama and Orochimaru-sama?” Shikaku clarified.
“Unless we can figure out where the rumours are starting and clear them quickly, or you change your mind, Shikaku,” Minato responded.
Hiruzen sighed before addressing Minato, “Has Jiraiya replied to your message?”
The Yondaime nodded, “Sensei should be here later today or tomorrow.”
“Troublesome,” Shikaku muttered as he refilled his glass.
Ivy set down her tea with a smile, humming as the sweet taste lingered in her mouth. A holiday was the perfect decision. Three weeks in, and her entire body felt completely relaxed.
She and Genma had travelled through Fire and Rice so far, stopping at every spot Shikaku recommended. Her new favourite food was mamedaifuku, and she had probably eaten her bodyweight in it over the past week.
Twice a week, Genma would ensure they passed by some sort of outpost so he could send runners with messages back to the village. The last time he had done so, Ivy made sure to include a few toys she had found on the outskirts of Fire for Naruto and Shikamaru, as well as a note to Kushina informing her that Shoyu ramen was superior to Shio ramen. Ivy wasn’t expecting a reply since she and Genma hadn’t stayed anywhere longer than a few days, but she figured the note would at least bring Kushina some entertainment.
This world had these lovely scrolls called storage scrolls, which functioned almost like Hermione’s bag had. Minato had very kindly provided Genma with a few to carry anything Ivy decided to purchase. She would have been able to just conjure anything she wanted, but it was still such a nice gesture that let her have the mortal experience of shopping. One was already full of clothes she planned to give Kushina, as well as more trinkets for the babies and a few things she’d caught Genma taking second glances at.
Genma was apparently almost nineteen and already a Tokubetsu Jōnin. He was quite proud of that fact, so Ivy was happy for him. She didn’t know the exact meaning of all the ranks shinobi went through, and finding out seemed like a slippery slope to caring about mortal politics, so she just smiled and congratulated the kid. She’d already decided she was not here to change how their world operated or stop their usage of child soldiers. She'd retired her saving people thing thousands of years ago. Ivy was simply here for holiday, avoiding her own paperwork and responsibilities as the Master of Death.
Scratching a particular spot behind the fox’s ear as he sat in her lap, she cooed as he twitched his back leg in response. Eventually, he would tell her his name; she just knew it. She might have come on a little strong at their introduction, shrinking him into a house cat, then ripping his soul in half, but some relationships started rough. Just take her and Malfoy. Sure, Ivy died at seventeen, and they technically never came to an accord…
Whatever. Ivy was positive that if she’d lived, they would’ve worked it out eventually and been mates. Probably. Possibly. Well, maybe not. Malfoy was rather annoying.
Genma, clearing his throat, drew her attention back to the tea.
“Nara-san has a recommendation for an onsen a bit further north in Rice,” Genma offered across from her as he set down his tea and pulled out the map Shikaku had sent with them, “Apparently, the Rice-Daimyō’s wife declared it the best in the entire Ta no Kuni. Would you like to try it, Tsuta-sama?”
Ivy stroked the fox sitting in her lap, “That sounds lovely, Ma-chan. Absolutely lovely.”
“What the fuck, Hiruzen?” Minato panted as he stared at his predecessor over the cooling corpse of Shimura Danzo, “You knew about this?”
This being the secret ANBU division below the village full of abducted children, as well as the multiple labs for human experimentation. Orochimaru had managed to flee before they could catch him, and Minato, Kushina, Fugaku, and Shikaku were forced to kill Danzo four times before he stayed down. Four times. One for each of the stolen Sharingans he’d shoved into his body.
The former hokage cleared his throat, “ROOT was a necessary…”
“Abducting children is not a necessary action,” Kushina growled at the Sandaime.
The man straightened his back, “Konoha needed the strength during the war. ROOT agents can take missions that ensure…”
“Enough,” Minato commanded, “The war is over. I’m disbanding ROOT.”
“This was a choice discovery with only two weeks left,” Shikaku yawned from where he was leaning on the wall.
Fugaku held up a stack of papers, “We figured out where the rumours were coming from, at least. Although we won’t have enough time to combat them, I still can’t be considered. The Uchiha will have to wait for Itachi to be Hokage.”
Kushina snorted, “The kid’s five, give him a break, Fugaku-kun. What if he wants to be a teacher or something?”
Fugaku looked affronted at the thought, “My son will be the champion of the Uchiha. He will not be a mere teacher.”
“You better not be disrespecting teachers, ‘ttebane!”
Minato stepped between the pair before they could continue arguing, “Jiraiya-sensei declined the position, and Orochimaru is now a missing-nin. Our best two candidates fell through.”
Fugaku looked at Shikaku, who immediately started shaking his head, “Do not put the hat on me.”
“You are the next best option,” Minato insisted.
“What a drag,” Shikaku tsked before glancing around at each of the people in the room again, “What about Kushina-san?”
Kushina startled, “Me?”
Hiruzen shook his head, “So soon after the Kyūbi attack, the people will not trust a Jinchūriki to lead.”
Kushina nodded along before catching herself and glaring at the Sandaime.
“But very few knew you were our Jinchūriki,” Minato considered, “and even without the Kyūbi, your power levels are Kage level.”
The four men eyed her consideringly as she glanced between them, “But what about Naruto?” she asked, “If I’m busy being Godaime, who’s watching our kid, Minato-chan? Somebody sold their soul to a death goddess!”
Minato cringed while Shikaku raised an eyebrow, “Who’s watching him now?”
“Kakashi-chan.”
“Kakashi-kun.”
Shikaku looked between the two, “Well, there you go, Hatake-san will watch him.”
“I’m not forcing Kakashi-kun into a long-term mission of watching Naruto full time,” Minato argued.
Shikaku shrugged, “Adopt him then.”
Minato and Kushina looked at him wide-eyed, and he continued, “You both already treat him like your kid, and he’s an emotionally constipated orphan. Can’t change the emotional-constipation bit, can change the orphan bit. Free babysitting.”
While the Namikaze-Uzumaki couple looked to be bluescreening, Fugaku continued the conversation, “But wouldn’t that just make it a free long-term mission?”
“You have a nephew who’s a Genin, right?” Shikaku asked Fugaku pointedly, “And Mikoto-san is retired. Yoshino is considering extending her parental leave to full retirement as well.”
Shikaku yawned before looking back at the couple, “That makes three additional babysitters who can be trusted in addition to ANBU, so your new emotionally constipated child can still do missions.”
“I can’t adopt Kakashi-kun if I’m dying,” Minato blurted, “After Sakumo-san…”
Shikaku sucked his teeth, “Troublesome.”
Hiruzen spoke up from where everyone was ignoring him, “The boy will…”
“Don’t start, Hiruzen.”
“Hn.”
“Nope.”
“Stop talking, ‘ttebane!”
Four voices overlapped as they turned to yell at the former Hokage, who stiffened and stepped back slightly with a narrowed gaze.
“I will support Kushina for Hokage; Kakashi-kun will be discussed later,” Minato announced, “Shikaku, can you contact Genma to delay Tsuta-sama for at least another week?”
Shikaku sighed, “I can see if Chōza’s or Inoichi’s wives have any recommendations for additional stops Genma-san can make. According to his last missive, they were heading for Wind. Something about trying scorpion and a desert oasis.”
“Oh, Tsuta-sama mentioned that in her letter,” Kushina chimed in, “She wants to try the spiciest food she can find in the elemental nations to see if it does anything weird to her body.”
Three incredulous and one tired set of eyes met hers, and Kushina laughed awkwardly.
“Why are you friends with the death goddess?” Fugaku grumbled.
Kushina smiled in response as Minato dropped his head into his hands.
“At least we know the death goddess that owns my soul is friends with my wife,” Minato sighed in defeat.
“Does she plan to stay in contact?” Shikaku looked at Kushina.
“Huh. I have no idea,” Kushina mused, “Doesn’t she send you letters too? Did she mention it to you?”
“Troublesome. Nothing like Yoshino getting jealous over correspondence from a death goddess who was asking what type of jewelry my wife likes so she could get her a present while she was sightseeing,” Shikaku groaned, “What goddess gets souvenirs for the wife of someone they knew for less than two days?”
“If we ever meet another god, our expectations are going to be so thrown off,” Fugaku chimed in.
“Don’t you start,” Minato chided, “No one is allowed to summon any more immortal beings.”
“Says the one who did it first,” Kushina pouted. Fugaku nodded in agreement while Shikaku closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep standing. Minato chanced a glance at Hiruzen, who was simply watching the four with an expression of disappointment. The Yondaime rubbed the bridge of his nose to assuage the coming headache.
They were running out of time.
“Nara-san would be a much better opponent,” Genma admitted as Ivy captured another pawn, “I’ve seen him guilt Minato-sama into a game that lasted sixteen hours. They only stopped when Kushina-san broke into the Nara compound to drag him off.”
Ivy smiled as she stared at the board, “I don’t think I’d have the patience for that. Death wins almost any competition we have since I can’t be still for very long.”
“What do you and Shi-sama like to do?”
“Oh! That was good,” Ivy complimented as Genma took her rook, eyeing the board before sliding a pawn forward, “Our recent choice has been staring contests. He’s on a winning streak right now.”
Genma took a sip of his tea before moving his next piece, “Do you keep score? Some of my friends keep track of their competition scores.”
“Of course! Death is at 1,344,762… no 763 wins right now.”
Inhaling loudly, Genma nodded, “That is a lot of wins.”
“I’m catching up, though,” Ivy grinned, “In a few years I think we’ll be even.”
“How many do you have?”
Looking to the side, Ivy muttered her answer into the cup of tea she pressed to her lips.
The next move was ignored as Genma stared at Ivy with a raised eyebrow, “How many did you say, Oneesama?”
“Four,” Ivy grumbled after swallowing her tea.
“How many years did it take you to get four?”
Clicking her tongue, Ivy set down her cup and glared at the shinobi, “Around three millennia. But I definitely won a bunch before we started keeping track,” she insisted.
“Of course, Oneesama,” Genma agreed in a polite tone only given away by the smirk hiding in the corner of his lips.
“Is this disrespect? This feels like disrespecting your elders,” Ivy groused as she reached to the side of the table and picked up the Kyūbi, cuddling him to her chest and pushing her hand through his fur.
“I have never disrespected an elder before in my life.”
Ivy narrowed her eyes at the boy, watching as he casually took a long sip of tea while meeting her eyes with an innocent expression. She held his gaze, raising an eyebrow when he refused to break eye contact. This went on for several minutes until Ivy blinked suddenly and sneezed.
“I can see how Shi-sama keeps winning,” Genma joked as Ivy fell into a sneezing fit, chuckling as the Kyūbi took the opportunity to jump out of her arms, “Oneesama, are you allergic to staring contests?”
Ivy sneezed once more before slumping back in her seat, grabbing the Kyūbi from where he was attempting to hide under the table, “At this point, I may be,” she complained. She flipped the fox around until he was held like a baby, then offered him a yōkan. He ignored her, turning his head away from her and coincidentally facing Genma. The shinobi swallowed as his eyes met the fox’s.
Shrugging, Ivy popped the sweet in her mouth and refocused her attention on the board between her and Genma, “Whose turn was it?”
“It was…” Genma paused, breaking eye contact with the fox to look back at the shogi board, “Actually, I have no idea.”
Ivy tsked and waved her hand in dismissal, “Eh, it doesn’t matter, I was getting bored anyway.”
“Do you want to try a different teahouse?” Genma reached into his pouch to pull out their map, “Or maybe an onsen? I think Nara-san mentioned a ryōkan nearby that has waterfall baths.”
“What do you think, Kyūbi-chan?” Ivy asked the fox on her lap. He continued to ignore her.
Humming, Ivy looked back at Genma, “Let’s have another round of yōkan first, Ma-chan. I want to try their sweet potato flavor.”
“Of course, Oneesama.”
Kushina groaned into her coffee, “Why did I agree to this?”
“Because, Godaime-sama,” Mikoto smirked, “You were the best choice for the position, and someone needs to wear that damned hat.”
Yamanaka Hibiki grunted in agreement from where she was slouched in a chair across from Kushina.
The three kunoichi were in the Hokage office, as Kushina and Mikoto looked over candidates for the elder council. Minato, Shikaku, and Fugaku were still working through the ROOT bases that had been discovered and transporting the children to T&I for treatment, leaving the two kunoichi in charge of the paperwork. Hibiki was providing moral support as she dozed in and out, occasionally adding quips or insulting village elders.
It had been two weeks since Minato had passed the hat to Kushina, wanting everything to be set before his soul was collected. Tsuta-sama had decided to extend her holiday several times, allowing the shinobi more of a grace period to get Konoha in order post Kyūbi attack. There had been some complaints raised about Kushina becoming Hokage since she was born in Uzushio instead of Konoha, but after some well-placed rumors and propaganda, the masses had generally changed their minds.
She was still confused about how it was easier to convince the village that a technical foreigner was a better choice than a Uchiha, but it only pushed her to ensure an Uchiha ended up on her council. And to start setting things up so Itachi could be Hokage when he was old enough. But only if he wanted to. Kushina would be keeping a close eye on Fugaku to make sure he wasn’t pushing the kid into something he didn’t want.
“I wanna punch something,” Kushina complained, “All this paperwork is too much!”
“You knew how often Minato-san was trapped behind this desk while he was Hokage,” Mikoto chided, “It will be long hours until you are properly settled in the role.”
“You wouldn’t believe the amount of paperwork Inoichi grouses about,” Hibiki spoke up with a yawn, “I think any job is just paperwork when you get a high enough position.”
Kushina tossed the paper she was looking at into the ‘bad’ stack. Too many of the village elders weren’t good fits for advisement positions. She silently cursed the Sandaime for picking such corrupted individuals that she had to replace them all. Sanctioned child experimentation! And they tutted at her like shutting that down was something to be frowned at!
“That is what Fugaku mentioned Tsuta-sama complaining about,” Mikoto agreed.
Hibiki adjusted her sprawl until she was almost upside down in the chair, her feet resting over an arm and her long hair pooling on the ground, “I wonder what paperwork a death goddess gets stuck with?”
“Anything to do with souls, apparently,” Kushina grunted. The Godaime Hokage set down the paper she had been scanning, “I want to be so mad at her for taking Minato, but she’s so nice. It’s disconcerting ‘ttebane!”
“She functions at an entirely different level from our existence,” Mikoto pointed out, “You do not realize how many ants you step on while walking down the street, but if one were to suddenly call your name, you might look at it for a moment.”
Kushina furrowed her brow, “Before stepping on it anyway?”
“Well, perhaps if your foot was already poised to crush it, you would not care enough to stop.”
“I don’t think that analogy fits well,” Kushina objected.
“Do you have a better one?” Mikoto snarked.
“…No.”
Hibiki snorted, one of her arms flopping onto the floor, “You two are my sole entertainment.”
“I dunno,” Kushina grinned, “Inoichi-san is kinda funny once he starts.”
“Watching him and Shikaku argue is pretty fun,” Hibiki noted, “Sometimes Chōza brings popcorn.”
“Does he share?” Kushina asked.
“Of course he does.”
Kushina sighed, “The Akimichi are great. Maybe I should put an Akimichi elder on my council.”
“Why an elder?” Hibiki questioned, “Just throw Chōza on. Or, even better, Nana. She isn’t due for another few months, and she’s been making the best okonomiyaki I’ve ever had recently. I’m sure she’d bring them to meetings.”
“I wish,” Kushina snorted, “But it’s the elder council. They’re not elders.”
Hibiki shrugged, which pushed her further off the chair, “So?”
“So, that is not how it is done,” Mikoto stated.
The Yamanaka turned to Kushina as she slowly slid to the floor, not even trying to catch herself, “Kushina, this is a military dictatorship. You are literally in charge of the entire village. If you say the council doesn’t have to be elders, it doesn’t have to be elders.”
Mikoto and Kushina both looked up from where Hibiki now lay on the ground and met each other’s gaze with wide eyes.
“She is right.”
“That’s brilliant, ‘ttebane!”
A soft snort sounded above them, and Kushina pointed at the offender without looking, “Shut up, Raidō-chan!”
Kushina looked down at the stack of papers they’d been going through of information on the elders and shoved them all off the desk.
“Kushina, really?” Mikoto groaned.
“It was for effect!” Kushina defended, grabbing a new blank sheet and a pen, “So, Mikoto…”
Mikoto sighed, fixing her sleeves, “I suppose I have time since I retired from active duty. We will need to figure out who is watching the children, though.”
“Great! Hibiki?”
“Nope,” came the clipped reply from the ground.
“Didn’t think so,” Kushina chirped, “Should I ask Chōza-san or Nana?”
“Well, Chōza-san has his restaurant and Nana-san is quite close to giving birth,” Mikoto pointed out, “I am positive they would still offer to cater council meetings if you asked, though.”
“Good point,” Kushina nodded as she bit the top of her pen, “Fugaku is too busy too, right?”
Mikoto nodded, and Kushina continued, writing names and crossing them out as she went, “Shikaku would be a no. Tsume-san is always complaining about how much work she has. Hyūga Hiashi is too full of himself. Hmmmm… Aburame Shikuro could be a good option.”
“That is the clan head’s cousin, yes? He has a good disposition for it,” Mikoto agreed, “Although I am unsure how well he keeps up with the goings on of the village. The Aburame tend to keep to themselves.”
“I can always offer it to him and see what he says,” Kushina shrugged, "Who else?”
“Hyūga Hizashi is kinda nice for a Hyūga,” Hibiki noted, “I mean, it’ll piss his brother off, which is good enough for me.”
“A branch member?” Mikoto frowned, “The entire clan could take offense.”
Kushina smirked, “Not if I tell Hyūga Hiashi that I’m not having clan heads on the council. I swear Hizashi-san is the only branch member I’ve seen backtalk the clan head. Hiashi-san will count it as his own voice on the council, but I think Hizashi will have his own ideas too.”
“It does balance the Uchiha-Hyūga ratio on the council,” Mikoto mused.
“You’re gonna piss so many people off,” Hibiki snorted, “This is the best.”
“Shit.”
Genma’s head spiked up as the goddess next to him dropped the earrings she’d been inspecting back on the table of wares.
“What is it?” he asked, swiveling his head around to see what could have startled her as her eyes darted back and forth across the market.
“Someone’s about to die,” she muttered, plucking the Kyūbi off her shoulders and dropping it in his arms. Genma went completely still, not daring to breathe.
He didn’t dare to move his eyes from the demon in his arms. Over the four months they’d been travelling, he had not once touched the Kyūbi, keeping as far a distance as possible at any given moment. It could be considered strange that he was less frightened of a god that dealt in souls and death than the beast she had defeated without a second thought, but he’d watched Tsuta-sama trip over her own feet and snort tea out her nose. She somehow seemed much closer to human than the giant fox that had killed so many of his friends.
Starting to hum a tune he didn’t recognize, the goddess ran her hands over her kimono and tried for a moment to smooth down her hair before immediately giving up and grabbing his arm. She turned him around to face her, fixing his hair and snatching the senbon that was resting between his lips.
“Hey!”
She flicked it off to the side, the small weapon impaling itself in the wood next to a startled shopkeeper’s head, “Do I look okay?”
Genma dragged his eyes away from the demon in his arms, slowly looking the goddess up and down. Her kimono was a deep red, with small stags and wolves stitched in black and gold across the bottom. It was pressed perfectly, not a wrinkle in sight, with her thick black obi contrasting it nicely. Hems only reaching her ankles, it was obvious that she had once again decided to go barefoot, which was something Genma would never understand. Her hair was its usual mess, half-tied up and secured with several ornaments.
The shinobi decided to go with the safest answer, “Of course, Oneesama.”
Smiling brightly, she patted both him and the fox on the head, which Genma was choosing to pointingly ignore, “Why do you care that someone’s about to die?”
“Because,” she chirped, “I can feel which Shinigami is in charge of this area, and knowing him, he’ll try to talk to me since I’m here.”
Genma raised an eyebrow, “Do you want to impress him or something?”
His breath caught at the sudden crushing killing intent, “I have no reason to impress him,” Tsuta-sama fumed, “If anything, he should be trying to impress me.”
The pressure was pulled back as the goddess smoothed down her robe once more, reaching into her sleeve to pull out a handkerchief. She pulled down his chin with one hand while she dabbed across his brow, clearing the sudden sweat. He saw from the corner of his eye that several civilians around them had collapsed and were not getting back up. Tsuta-sama didn’t seem to notice.
“I apologize, Oneesama,” Genma croaked out as she adjusted how she’d positioned his bangs earlier.
“My fault for getting annoyed,” she muttered before sighing, “He’s my ex. We broke up a while ago. Decided it wasn’t working. He’s just so…”
“Impressive,” a deep voice quipped from the side.
Genma didn’t move his head from the goddess’s light grasp, watching as she rolled her eyes.
“Irritating,” Tsuta-sama groaned.
She turned towards the voice, releasing Genma’s chin, “Shō, horrible to see you, as always.”
Turning slightly to keep both the goddess and the newcomer in his eyeline, Genma was finally able to see what this ex looked like.
The man, or rather Shinigami, was around the same height as Genma with cropped white-blond hair, pale skin, and red eyes rimmed in kohl. He was wearing simple black pants, shirt, and boots, with a long black trench coat reaching the backs of his calves. The two beings made for an interesting picture standing so close together, both dealing in death yet somehow looking so full of life.
“Lovely to see you too, boss,” the Shinigami smirked, “I see you’re ditching work.”
Tsuta-sama scoffed, crossing her arms, “I did not ditch. I am on holiday.”
“Holiday,” Shō drawled with a raised eyebrow as he shoved his hands in his pockets, stepping closer and raising an eyebrow at his height advantage over the goddess, “Of course. That’s not the same thing at all.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Tsuta-sama groused before turning on her heel and walking towards one of the stalls selling toys, “Don’t you have work to do?”
Genma stared as the Shinigami followed the goddess, Kyūbi forgotten in his arms at the scene playing out in front of him. This was not what he had imagined when he became a shinobi.
War, violence, and death? Yes.
Playing guide to a goddess in the hopes of keeping her appeased long enough that his Hokage could survive an extra few months before his soul was taken? Unexpected, but somehow understandable.
Watching said goddess have a conversation with barely concealed sexual tension between her and a Shinigami who was her ex and employee? What the actual fuck was Genma’s life right now?
“It looks like it’ll be more work than originally planned, seeing as you got annoyed. I wonder how much paperwork that’ll be?”
“Oh dear,” Tsuta-sama gasped, appearing to finally notice the bodies that hadn’t gotten up after her earlier annoyance, “I did not mean to do that.”
“Well, I’ll add the papers to your desk,” the Shinigami crowed, “I’m sure the stacks are looking great right about now.”
The goddess groaned, setting down a soft toy she’d been rolling around in her hands, “Don’t remind me. I’m gonna be so behind on work.”
Genma started zoning out, thoughts moving towards topics he’d been avoiding thinking of for months. Death didn’t bother him; he was a shinobi - it was in the job description. He’d killed shinobi in war, assassinated civilians on assignments. Poisoned, stabbed, slit throats, drowned, and countless other methods. But a goddess getting annoyed at him and ending a dozen people without noticing? That was different.
And he was fine. He’d pissed her off, and her anger alone had killed most of the civilians in the market. But him? She’d just fixed his hair as she would for the Kyūbi after she shook him for misbehaving. Like a pet cat.
Shit, was he a pet?
The Kyūbi in his arms squirmed slightly, and Genma adjusted his grip. He stared at the immortal beings arguing in front of a terrified shopkeeper and shuddered. When had he started thinking of the goddess as human? As if they could in any way be similar? Here he was, holding the beast that had destroyed his village and realizing just how small he truly was. Or maybe not small, in a way. Tsuta-sama had dropped people like flies, but didn’t do more than make him sweat.
He was a pet, Genma realized. A favored pet, apparently. He pissed off his owner and got the equivalent of a light smack on the head. Tsuta-sama probably didn’t notice, but she’d been treating Genma the same as the Kyūbi, minus carrying him around. She bought him sweets and toys, fixed his hair, and played games with him. When he joked with her, she smiled at him and patted his head. Oh, she was indulging him. Because he was a pet.
What the fuck was his life right now?
His attention was pulled back when Tsuta-sama stepped in front of him and lifted the Kyūbi from his arms. The Shinigami was nowhere to be seen, having disappeared while Genma was zoned out.
“Let’s go back to the ryōkan, Ma-chan,” she hummed, “We’ll leave in the morning to return to Konoha. It’s time for me to get back to work.”
Genma swallowed, then forced a smile to his face, “Of course, Oneesama.”
Minato sat on a bench next to Kakashi, looking out across the water. A message had arrived from Genma that morning; he and Tsuta-sama were on their way back. She had decided that her holiday was over, and they’d be back in a week. His time in this life was coming to an end, and Minato had done the best he could to ensure that everyone he was leaving would be set.
Kushina was Godaime Hokage, taking the position with mild complaints and a strong purpose. She and Mikoto had been buried in paperwork for weeks, outlining plans for changes to academy graduation and pushing a pro-Uchiha sentiment around the village.
Hiruzen had stepped down from any duties he’d been involved in, removing himself from all opportunities to advise or be involved in decision-making for the village. His eldest son had already taken over clan head duties.
The elder council had been dismissed, replaced by a younger, eclectic group of an Aburame, a Uchiha, and a Hyūga. Kushina was also considering asking Akimichi Nana to join once her son was born and she was more settled.
ROOT had been disbanded, with the younger children placed in orphanages or returned to their families, and the older ones still in T&I for treatment. Their deconditioning was a struggle, but Yamanaka Inoichi was committed to making the children functioning members of society. Minato had worked with Jiraiya and devised a counter seal for the seals marking the agent’s tongues.
Naruto was just over four months old, smiling at everything and getting all the attention he could from anyone who came close.
He would never really know his father.
Minato had acknowledged that a while ago, he’d honestly not expected to spend more than a few minutes with his son since the moment he summoned a Shinigami. Everything he’d had since then was borrowed time, and he knew it. He was thankful for it. Minato had nothing in him to be angry at his situation. His village was safe; his wife and son were happy and healthy. These past months had been spent ensuring peace would continue, and his sacrifice would be worth as much as possible.
He’d only been avoiding one thing: Kakashi.
It had been more than two months since Shikaku brought up how much he acted like Kakashi was his son, how he should just adopt him. But Minato couldn’t do that to him. That was the issue. Kakashi was his son in his heart, so how could he let his son have another dead father?
So, he’d been avoiding his son like a coward.
How could he tell the boy who had been his student how much he wanted to be his father? How he wanted Kakashi and Naruto to grow up as brothers, to be brothers? To have family in each other, in Kushina, in Minato himself, so that Kakashi knew he wouldn’t be alone any longer. How could he get a child that had jaded himself so much after everything he’d lost to try and be a part of a family again? A family that Minato himself was leaving.
Minato sighed. Somehow, it was easier with Naruto. He’d miss his boy with everything he had, but Naruto would never know him. Kakashi had known him for almost ten years and would be losing him all over again. Seeing the relief on Kakashi’s face at Minato’s survival after the Kyūbi attack had been soured in the former Hokage’s mind at the thought that he would have to tell his kid about his upcoming expiration date.
Kakashi had immediately pulled himself back into ANBU, requesting mission after mission, and Minato had let him, focusing on cleaning up the village. He was regretting that now. How had he expected to be a good father to Naruto when he’d been failing Kakashi for years? His kid was fourteen, burying himself in assassinations to hide his grief, and Minato had let him.
Kushina had started multiple arguments with him over it, and as soon as she had the hat, Kakashi was pulled from out-of-village ANBU missions. Every evening that she wasn’t stuck in her office, Kakashi was dragged to their apartment, and the four of them had dinner together. She was the reason they were on a bench overlooking the lake this evening, both boys being told to ‘sort yourselves out, then come home for dinner’.
Minato wasn’t very good at sorting himself out, but he was the older of the two; it was his responsibility to make sure Kakashi knew he had a family and knew that even after Minato died, he would continue to have one.
“Kakashi,” he started, “I think we need to discuss a few things.”
“What is there to discuss?” Kakashi scowled under his mask, “You already told me the newest timeframe.”
Minato swallowed, “I know this is hard…”
“Do you know? Because it seems like you’re completely fine with dying and leaving Naruto alone,” Kakashi growled at him.
“I am not completely fine with it,” Minato shot back, “but there is nothing I can do about it.”
“You’re not even trying,” Kakashi spat, “You haven’t done anything to change the Shinigami’s mind or… or tried to find a way to bargain your soul back. You could…”
“Kakashi,” Minato interrupted.
Kakashi ignored him, standing as he continued, “…fight her, or figure out a seal to trap her…”
“Kakashi,” Minato rose from the bench.
“She might even take someone else’s soul instead. Did you try offering her that? Konoha has a bunch of enemies that she could have…”
“Kakashi!”
“No!” Kakashi yelled back, turning to face him, “You’re not trying hard enough! Friends who abandon friends are worse than scum. You said you agreed with Obito, but you’re abandoning us!”
Minato blinked, “Kakashi, I’m not abandoning you,” he whispered.
“Yes, you are,” Kakashi said, tears filling his visible eye, “You’re abandoning Naruto, you’re abandoning Kushina-san, and all your friends. You’re abandoning me.”
Minato stepped forward, reaching out for the teenager and wrapping his arms around him. Kakashi stiffened at the touch, arms remaining limp at his sides as his breathing grew more erratic.
“I know it seems like it, but I am not abandoning you,” Minato maintained, “I may have to leave, but I will never abandon you.”
“But you are,” Kakashi breathed into Minato’s chest.
“No,” Minato denied, shaking his head, “I am not throwing you away. I am not choosing something else over you, or Naruto, or Kushina. Over any of you. I’m simply dying.”
Kakashi raised his arms to shove against Minato’s chest, but Minato didn’t let go, “That’s the same thing. You’re choosing to die. Just like my dad.”
Minato hugged the boy harder, “I didn’t choose to die, Kakashi. I chose to help the village; dying was just a result of that. I’m already dead. I’ve been dead since the moment I called the Shinigami. Every moment I’ve had since then has been borrowed.”
Kakashi shook his head, tears streaming down his face.
“It’s been a blessing to spend so much extra time with you, and with Kushina and Naruto,” Minato continued, “And I shouldn’t have let you go back into ANBU. I should’ve talked to you about this months ago.”
“No,” Kakashi croaked.
“Yes,” Minato insisted, “I should have kept you in the village, spent more time with you.”
“You should’ve spent more time with Naruto,” Kakashi muttered.
Minato nodded, “With Naruto too, and that was my mistake. I already gave my life and soul for this village; I didn’t give enough of myself to my sons.”
Kakashi’s breath hitched, “I’m not your son.”
“You are my son Kakashi, and I’m sorry I was too scared to call you that before. I should’ve told you years ago, because I have considered you mine for a long time. I don’t mean to take Sakumo’s place, but to me, you are my child.”
Kakashi was shuddering in his arms, but Minato didn’t let go.
“I wish I could stay, that it could be the four of us as a family,” Minato whispered, “But even though I can’t, I need you to know you are still my kid. Still a part of this family. Naruto is your brother, and Kushina loves you. She would love to be whatever you want her to be: a mother, an older sister, a friend. Whatever you need.”
A giant sob wracked Kakashi’s body, and Minato continued.
“Because it doesn’t matter if I’m here or not, you still have a family. You have people that love you and will be there for you, and that means you have to be there for them too.”
Minato pulled back from the boy, holding Kakashi by the shoulders and meeting the teenager’s gaze, “So promise me, Kakashi. Promise me you won’t hide yourself away from the people who love you, because I can tell you now – my biggest regret is not keeping you as close as I should’ve.”
Kakashi sniffled, “I… I can’t…”
“Promise me you’ll try,” Minato insisted, “Naruto will need his big brother.”
Raising a shaky hand to wipe away the tears that were still falling, Kakashi nodded, “I’ll try.”
Minato smiled before pulling the boy back into his arms. This time, Kakashi raised his hands to return the embrace.
Ivy stared at the papers that lay scattered across the floor of her office. They had not been picked up while she was gone, only a path created from the door to her desk, which she just knew was Shō’s handiwork. She blinked, and another paper appeared in midair and floated onto her desk.
“I wasn’t gone for that long, was I?”
“Four and a half months, Tsuta-sama,” Minato informed from behind her.
Ivy groaned, “All I wanted was a holiday. Why does everyone always have issues they need me to solve?”
“Such is the curse of management,” Minato attested.
Rolling her eyes, Ivy walked the path towards her desk, grabbing assorted papers and scrolls from the floor as she went. Once she reached the table, she dumped her armful in favor of looking at the paper on top of what she assumed was Shō’s stack.
“Report for soul #837,837,091,122. When collecting the soul of Suzuki Kyou, work was disrupted by Ivy Potter throwing a tantrum while skiving work. Skiving work? This is an official report!”
Ivy screamed in frustration and continued her reading, “Results included needing to collect 14 more souls in the assigned area. Requesting overtime pay and for Ivy to do my paperwork?”
Crumpling the paper up, Ivy hissed as she threw it into the trash, “I’m gonna skin him. I’m gonna rip out those perfect fucking red eyes and stuff them down his throat. Merlin, I hate that smug bastard!”
She swung around to notice Minato slowly shuffling back from where he’d been approaching her, eyes wide. Laughing in an attempt to brush off whatever frightening visage she’d just been pushing, she tugged a hand through her hair and smiled at her new assistant.
“Sorry about that! Shō kind of, um, gets on my nerves?”
Minato swallowed, nodding slowly as he took another step back, almost running into the wall.
“So, Minato… Can I just call you Minato? You can just call me Ivy. Or Tsuta, if that’s easier until you can pronounce Ivy. I know the ‘vee’ is probably hard. Shikaku-san finished your contract, right? Did you look it over? Did it look okay to you? I’m sure he mentioned I’ve never written an employment contract before, so I wasn’t sure how to do it. But then again, I’ve never had someone summon me with their soul either, so I had a reason to know how to write one. Still, isn’t that kinda sad if you think about it? I’m almost four thousand years old, and I’ve never written an employment contract. My entire job is paperwork!”
As she rambled, she danced around the room, bare feet digging into the plush carpet. Papers were grabbed at random, filling up her arms before she dumped the stacks onto her overfilled desk. She purposefully dumped a large armful over Shō’s reports, burying them completely.
“I thought it made sense for you to be my assistant until the Kyūbi’s time-out is over, so I think that was the outline for the timeframe, right?”
Minato nodded at the fluttering goddess, and she continued, “I usually do ten- or twelve-hour days, since I like to sleep. I don’t really need it, but it’s kinda fun, y’know? I didn’t look at what Shikaku wrote, but if it works for you, it works for me.”
She paused in her rant and looked at the dumbfounded Hokage, “Actually, if he wrote anything longer than ten, change it. I don’t want to make you work more than I am. That seems in poor taste.”
“I am used to long hours,” Minato defended.
Ivy shook her head, “Nah. You may be dead but you still need to eat and sleep. Don’t ask me how it works, I don’t know.”
“Aren’t you in charge of the dead?” Minato muttered.
Her spinning around the room restarted, “I’ll show you where you can get lunch and everything later. And where you can sleep. Oh! You get a lunch break, make sure that’s in the contract too!”
The Hokage just blinked in response.
“For payment, would it be fine if I just ensure you and your family can be together in your next reincarnation cycle? I don’t know how to figure out an appropriate salary,” Ivy dropped the last armful of papers on her desk, ignoring as most of the pile slid back onto the ground.
“Ye.. yes, please, Tsuta-sama,” Minato choked out, bowing deeply, “thank you for your benevolence.”
Ivy waved him off, “It’s whatever, don’t worry about it. And I told you just Tsuta is fine.”
“Yes, Tsuta-sa… Tsuta,” Minato stuttered as he rose from his bow, completely stunned.
“This is horrible," Ivy groused as she stared at the papers swallowing her desk, “It’ll take me forever to unbury my pencil sharpener.”
The dead hokage and the master of Death stood in silence for a few minutes, one incredibly uncomfortable, and the other slightly annoyed.
Suddenly, Ivy clapped her hands together, startling Minato, “The Kyūbi!”
Said chakra construct in the shape of a small fox was sitting in the doorway, chagrined, until he was snatched off the ground and lifted into a beaming Ivy’s arms, “I forgot about you! Here you go!”
She spun around, and with a wave, a large fireplace grew into existence in one corner of the office. A maroon chaise lounge covered in a nest of blankets appeared facing the fire, and Ivy placed the fox on top.
“Perfect.”
Turning from the warmth, she met her new assistant’s eyes, “How does avoiding my paperwork and getting tea sound?”