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Eddie slumped against Chim on the couch, fighting valiantly to keep his eyes from sliding shut. It was a losing battle, one that Eddie knew he couldn’t fight for much longer, but the threat of missing the quiet buzz of his phone in his pocket was too great to ignore.
The late-night calls from his husband were growing fewer and further between, which always happened when Buck was about to be sent on a mission. Eddie knew why, understood it all too well, but that didn’t quell the ache in his chest that grew every second that his husband’s soft voice wasn’t filling his ears.
Eddie had been on home soil for a little over four years, now, working at the 118 for a little less than a year. He’d grown used to the distance, to the shitty connection dropping out halfway through Buck’s goodnight kisses to Chris, to going days or even weeks without knowing if his husband was dead or alive, to the constant anxiety that buzzed under his skin.
And he was glad to be home with Chris, he was, truly. His son was the light of his life, and he would lay it all down if it meant Chris could be safe and happy, no matter what.
But that didn’t mean that he didn’t miss seeing Buck in the flesh, real and warm and alive, didn’t miss secret rendezvous’ behind the mess hall behind their commanding officer’s backs, didn’t miss sneaking into his bunk in the dead of night and sneaking out with hushed giggles long before the sun arose in the morning.
And he knew that it had to be this way. Knew that Buck had signed up for this, knowing that it would be forever before he could come home, knew that the Navy had a contract that meant his husband couldn’t leave any time he wanted. Knew that the salary was a gift from the heavens, that they needed it to cover Chris’ medical bills, that it was just for now.
But fuck, if the ache of missing him still hurt like a bitch, every second of every day.
“Alright there, Eddie?” Hen ribbed him from the kitchen. He couldn’t see her face at this angle, but her amusement was evident in her voice.
“Just peachy, thank you.” He grumbled, glaring at the cruel, blank screen of his phone. It didn’t make a peep. He shoved it back in his pocket, helpless irritation flaring in his chest. “Tired, is all.”
“Go catch a few in the bunks, then. You’re certainly not helping me beat my record here, you great lug.” Chim gave him a half-hearted shove to Eddie’s chest. Eddie let his head loll back onto his shoulder without moving an inch.
“Nah, I’m good here. Your bony shoulder is surprisingly comfy, thanks.” Chim groaned, but made no move to shove him off again.
As always, his hand found it’s way to the dog tags tucked under his shirt, two matching rectangles of cheap metal nestled tight against the solid titanium of his wedding ring. He fiddled with them mindlessly, the motion the only thing keeping him from slipping into slumber.
He hadn’t started out trying to keep his marriage a secret from his coworkers. But ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ was still ingrained deep in his bones, even now, the secrecy second nature to him. And Buck was never home, not enough to show up in the photos Eddie showed the team after an exciting weekend.
Besides, the team had stopped asking about his love life around about the time that Bobby had asked about Chris’ mother, and Eddie had had to confess the whole 87-part drama that was the situation with Shannon, leaving out the part in the middle where she’d seen right through his glass closet and told him to get his head out of his ass and ‘ask that boy out already’. The teasing when people flirted with him on calls had stopped pretty abruptly after that.
His phone buzzed once, short and sharp, and Eddie shot upright on the couch immediately, heart soaring in his chest.
But it was just a text from Chris. Eddie slumped back against the cushions with a sigh.
[Chris 🧸💙] 1:47 am
heard from Buck yet?
“Okay, seriously, what’s wrong with you?” Chim paused his game, turning to stare at Eddie critically. “You’re acting really weird tonight.”
And what was he supposed to say? ‘I’m just waiting for the husband I haven’t told anyone about for a year to finally call and put me out of my misery, don’t worry about it’? Yeah, because that conversation was going to go down well.
He knew that he’d have to have the conversation eventually, especially once Buck finally came home for good. He was counting down the days, until Buck finally got his honourable discharge, and it was somehow so incredibly close and way too far away. But there was no point in putting himself through that now, not when he was already so high strung.
“Just waiting on a call.” He couldn’t suppress the jaw-aching yawn that tore itself from his chest.
“At 1 am? What psycho are you expecting to call you right now?”
“Shut up, he’s overseas right now. It’s like 8 am where he is, I think. I’m too tired for maths.”
“Oh, an old army buddy?”
“Mm, something like that.” His fingers felt overly large and clumsy as they flew across his keyboard.
Not yet, buddy. Go to bed, please. I’m pretty sure Abuela doesn’t want you up this late, and neither do I. Buck will call again as soon as he can. I love you <3
It didn’t take long for Chris to reply. Kids these days - as old as that sentiment made him feel - were so incredibly adept at technology that it made his head spin.
What Abuela doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and you wouldn’t want to hurt her, would you?
I love you too dad
Eddie couldn’t help but roll his eyes, a small smile twitching at the corners of his lips.
Goodnight, kiddo.
Chris had always loved Buck, even before they got together, ever since he dragged Buck home with him on one of their few shore leaves. It hadn’t gone down well, not with his parents nor with Shannon, but Buck had looked so sad at the prospect of going back to Pennsylvania alone, all big blue puppy dog eyes and trembling pouty lips. And how could Eddie possibly leave him like that, all alone with the shitty parents that didn’t even try to call the whole time he was deployed?
The words had been out of his mouth before he’d even had a chance to think about it.
“Come home with me.”
And Buck had fit right in, like the missing puzzle piece that Eddie hadn’t even realised wasn’t there, slotting right into the gaping hole in the middle of his life like he’d always been there. He’d gotten up early that first day, even though there was no alarm demanding it of him there, and prepared a veritable feast of breakfast foods.
None of them were particularly well made, or tasted even halfway decent, but the effort was there, and Buck had looked so fucking proud, so Eddie had eaten until his chest hurt.
Chris hadn’t seemed to mind either, though he supposed six year old boys weren’t usually too picky about food.
Shannon had been surprised, of course, and a little resentful about their little time together being interrupted, but no one could stay mad at Buck for long. He was annoying like that, too god damned earnest for anyone to actually believe that he was trying to be malicious for any longer than an hour or two.
“I’m really sorry,” Buck had said sheepishly, holding out a bundle of wildflowers to Shannon the moment she had emerged from their bedroom, bleary-eyed and still half asleep. “I didn’t mean to mess up your kitchen, but I woke up early and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself, you know? I guess I’m a stress baker. I’ll clean it all up, promise.”
Shannon had smiled, then, put the slightly sad-looking flowers into her mother’s nicest vase. “Don’t worry about it, Buck. It’s nice to have someone else cooking, for once.”
His fond reminiscing was interrupted by Hen’s warm and work calloused palm landing on his shoulder without warning.
“Shit!” He yelped, glaring up at his friend. “You scared me!”
“Dude,” Hen gave him a pitiful look. “I’ve been talking to you for five minutes. Seriously, you need to go catch a few minutes in the bunks. You can’t go out on a call like this.”
“No, I need to catch this call.” If he missed Buck tonight, who knew when the next chance he got to talk to his husband would be? Days? Weeks? Eddie couldn’t survive that. He simply had to persevere. “I’m fine, just brew me some more coffee.”
“You are well beyond needing coffee, my friend.You need speed, or an exorcism, or something. This call can’t be that important.” Chim perked up as Bobby wandered in from the bunks, his hair stuck up in every direction and his eyes still half closed. “Cap! Help us out. Use your magic captain powers to make Eddie go to bed. He’s throwing off my mojo.”
Bobby turned to squint at him. Eddie tried not to shift uncomfortably under his too-perceptive gaze. Bobby knew about Buck, of course, since it was pretty front and centre that he was married in his entry paperwork, but he didn’t know much about the man himself. It wasn’t like Eddie got much one on one time to talk with him without everyone else around, and even then, Bobby wasn’t exactly the type to pry like that.
“Buck calling late again?” Bobby asked, giving Eddie a sympathetic smile.
“Yeah. Asshole.”
“Hm. Don’t give him too much shit when he finally calls you. Leave him alone, guys.” And with that, Bobby turned on his heel and trudged into the kitchen, likely in the search of caffeine.
“The fuck? What’s a Buck?” Hen pulled a bewildered face.
“I’m not a what. I’m a who.” Called a voice from the stairs.
A familiar voice.
Eddie froze for a moment, eyes blowing wide. It was like his brain had short circuited. He could almost visualise the error messages popping up in front of his vision.
No way.
No. Fucking. Way.
It felt like the world was moving in slow motion as he turned to the stairs, all tiredness suddenly forgotten.
Buck was standing there, in his firehouse, in the flesh. Real. Safe. Alive.
“Holy shit.” He breathed, “Holy fucking shit.”
Buck laughed softly, his overstuffed duffel clattering to the floor as he opened his arms. “Hey, mi corazón.”
Eddie launched himself over the back of the couch, his limbs moving faster than his mind could process, as flailing and uncoordinated as a baby deer.
He collided with Buck’s chest with a solid thud, tightening his arms around Buck’s middle until his husband grunted under the force of it. He buried his face in the cotton of Buck’s jacket. He was still in his working uniform, so he hadn’t had time to go home yet. He had come straight here, straight to Eddie.
Buck smelled like regulation soap and diesel fuel. The scent was so different to the flowery, almost too-sweet ones that he always preferred when he was home, it was almost jarring, but nostalgic at the same time, exactly how it had been in the early days of their relationship, dancing around feelings they were both too afraid to name.
“You’re here.” He whispered, his voice muffled by Buck’s chest. “You’re actually here.”
“I’m here.” Buck pressed a light peck to Eddie’s cheek, trying to pull away to talk some more, but Eddie wasn’t going to let him get away that easily. He hauled his husband downwards by the too short hair at the nape of his neck, though it wasn’t like Buck put up much of a fight, smashing their lips together as hard as he could.
And fuck, it was perfect. It was everything that he had been missing, everything he wanted for months now. Buck’s lips were chapped and dry but his lips were insistent and gentle and exactly how Eddie remembered them, just as perfect as they always had been.
“Um, hello?” One of his coworkers called, but Eddie wasn’t paying them any mind.
“You were meant to call me!” The moment Buck pulled back, Eddie thwacked him square in the chest. “You asshole, I’ve been up half the night worrying about you!”
“Aw, c’mon Eds! You know I can’t lie. You would’ve figured me out the moment you saw me.” Buck’s smile didn’t falter. “I wanted it to be a surprise for you, like those cheesy soldier homecoming videos you see on Instagram!”
“Eds?” Chim echoed, voice hollow and confused.
“Mm, you can pull that cheesy shit on Chris, thanks. We’ll film it for Shan and Abuela and everything, but I would prefer to know that you are alive, rather than being left in a limbo of anxiety spiralling, you dickhead.”
At the very least, Buck had the decency to look sheepish. “I didn’t think about that.”
“Um, really sorry to interrupt… this.” Hen appeared at Eddie’s side , holding her hand out for Buck to shake. Buck took it readily, grinning at her like she had personally just given him a puppy. It was one of the many things that Eddie loved about him. “My name is Hen. I work with your…”
She trailed off in the middle of her sentence, clearly unsure.
“Eddie.” She finished, finally, seeming deeply unsatisfied with her answer.
Buck stiffened, glancing at Hen, and then at Eddie, and then at Hen again. And then his eyes landed on Eddie’s incriminatingly bare finger.
“Oh- Oh, shit, Eds, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think-” Once Buck began rambling, there was no stopping it.
Well, almost no stopping it.
“Mmph!” Buck’s eyes flew wide open when Eddie pecked at his lips. It had been years, but still every fleeting kiss had the uncanny ability to shut his husband right up.
Eddie turned back to his teammates, both of them looking positively bewildered and a little shell-shocked. “So, um, this is Buck. Evan Buckley, but just call him Buck. He’s - I - My husband.” He finished, lamely, with a strange little flourish in Buck’s direction.
“It’s nice to meet you all!” Buck grinned, as endearingly and annoyingly cheerful as ever, “Eddie’s told me so much about you!”
Hen looked like she was about to pass out, her eyes blown wide behind glasses that were slowly slipping down her nose. Chim was half leaned against the arm of the couch, as if his legs couldn’t hold him up anymore, looking more than a little green. Neither of them made a move to speak, or even to blink, like they’d been frozen in time.
It was Bobby, finally returned from the kitchen and looking a little less dead on his feet, who finally spoke up. He grasped Buck’s outstretched hand, grim firm but not punishing, and smiled softly.
“It’s nice to meet you, Buck. Good to finally meet the mystery husband. If it weren’t on his official paperwork, I’d have assumed he made you up.”
“Mm, yeah, Eds’ always been shy. He made me wait to disclose to our commanding officers until he mustered up the courage. By the time he worked himself up to do it, he’d already been discharged.” Buck said, beaming under Bobby’s attention, hands gesturing wildly like they always did when he got excited. “You’re Captain Nash, right? It’s an honour, sir.”
“You knew?” Chim shrieked. Eddie winced at the sharp sound. “This whole time, you knew he was married?”
“Well, yes. It was on his paperwork. Buck is his next of kin in case of an emergency.” Bobby shrugged, “I assumed he’d said, but he doesn’t really like to talk about him that much.”
“Aw, baby, you don’t talk about me?” Buck draped himself over Eddie’s shoulders with a mock pout. “I’m hurt.”
“Shut it, you big oaf. I was sad, ‘cause you’d just left, and busy with Chris, and then it just… felt like it’d been too long. Awkward to bring it up, you know?” He shrugged lamely. “I do like to talk about you, Ev, promise. Just not at work, you know that.”
“I know.” Buck pecked at his cheek. “Consummate professional, you are. Except when I get you alone in the med tent.”
“Buck!” Cheeks flaming, he shoved his husband away. Buck went willingly, cackling all the way.
“I’m sorry, mi vida, but look at their faces!”
“So…” Hen asked slowly, as if she was afraid to ask. “How did you two meet?”
“In the field. In Afghanistan. Not much use for SEALs over there, but, when needs must, and… I dunno, we just fit. He couldn’t get rid of me ever since. I put in for a transfer to a unit that worked with his the day after we met.” Buck grinned, his hand finding it’s way to Eddie’s hip. Eddie let himself melt into the touch. It was one of the things that he missed the most, when Buck was away, the way that Buck was constantly wrapped around him like an oversized koala. His skin felt cold with the absence, without the heavy blanket of his husband draped over his shoulders. “We’ve been married for five years.”
“But - But - What about Shannon? Weren’t you married to her?” Chim spluttered.
“Yeah, I was. That’s the whole point of divorce.”
“That wasn’t what I meant and you know it, Diaz.”
“Shannon and I weren’t good for each other, and deep down, I think we both knew it. But it was a bit of a wake up call for her, I think, when I brought back the friend I didn’t know I was in love with on shore leave and kept making heart eyes across the dinner table at him. It was over pretty fast after that.” His face went red-hot at the memory. No one said Eddie hadn’t been an idiot, but it was still embarrassing to admit. “The running off came after the divorce.”
“Shit, man.” Chim looked sheepish. It was a weird look on him. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell us.”
“It’s not that. Believe me, it’s not. I mean, it would be kinda weird if y’all weren’t okay with me being gay,” He said with a half-hearted gesture towards Hen. “Like Buck said. I’m private. I don’t talk about shit like this. Took an earthquake for me to tell y’all about Chris, remember?”
“Took a what?” Beside him, Buck tensed, voice going high and pitchy. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Eddie cringed. “He’s fine, amor, it was nowhere near him, I was just worried. That was the day you got blown up, it slipped my mind, okay?”
Eddie was saved from having to answer for his secrecy by the blare of the alarm. Everyone surged into action, sprinting towards the pole. Eddie made it halfway there before he remembered Buck was still standing there, head cocked adorably sideways. “Shit, sorry, babe, uh, just stay there?”
Buck flashed him an easy thumbs up and a grin. “Don’t you worry ‘bout me. Go save lives!”
“Diaz! Tell your boy-toy to get his ass down here pronto if he wants a ride in the engine!” Bobby’s commanding voice echoed upwards from the ambulance bay. “Now!”
“Seriously? I can come?” Buck looked like an over-excited puppy, bouncing on his heels with an elated expression on his face.
A fond smile stretched across Eddie’s face. He’d never been able to say no to Buck.
“C’mon, then, Buckley. You always said you wanted to play firefighters.”