Chapter Text
Catra's first clue should've been when Adora didn't text her all weekend.
She didn't think anything of it. Adora got busy on weekends with track meets and family stuff.
Catra's second clue should've been when Adora didn't show up to school on Monday.
She texted her multiple times, annoyingly incessant, but Adora was probably used to that by now. Catra would be the first to admit that she'd been unhealthily dependent and toxic towards her best friend for….most of their years together. She was working on it.
Now that she was out of that witch's place, thanks to Adora's words, and living with Scorpia and her mom's, it felt like there was a big weight lifted off of her shoulders when she didn't feel like she had to continuously prove herself to someone who was always going to view her as a failure.
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Eight months Ago
"It's whatever, Adora."
"No, its not whatever! You keep trying to get better, to be better, and she keeps tearing you down when you're already amazing!"
"No, I'm not!" Catra shot back. "I'm- I'm impulsive, and crazy, and I just hurt people over and over again, Including you!"
Her and Adora's friendship had been on again and off again for awhile, she didn't even remember how it started. One day they were fine, and the next, Catra couldn't stand to be around all of Adora's…light. She didn't know how else to describe it.
"And including yourself! Do you think I'm blind?! Every time you shove me away, it hurts you way more than it hurts me. You don't come to school, you don't talk to anyone, you just shut down!"
"So what?! I deserve it!"
"No you don't!" Adora snapped, in a angry, desperate tone that Catra hadn't heard from her before. "You only think you do because that disgusting woman you're forced to live with repeated it until you believed it, so she could keep treating you like shit. She brainwashed you."
There was a long silence, as Adora caught her breath, and as Catra refused to respond to that.
"…..She's never gonna let you be happy, and until you see that, you aren't gonna get better." Adora stormed off, leaving Catra alone to stew
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But this wasn't about her.
Adora had texted back, just saying she didn't feel good, but it only set off more alarm bells in Catra's head. Adora never stayed home from school by choice. Her brother, Adam, or her mom would have to force her to stay. To see her choose willingly?
Something was wrong.
"Psst, Glitter, Glitter, Glitter, Sparkles, Glitter, Twinkle Toes, Twinkle Toes."
Instead, Mermista responded, by turning to the shorter girl. "Just answer her, we both know she's not gonna stop until you do."
Glimmer groaned and turned. "What do you want, Catra?"
"Have you heard from Adora today?"
The shorter girl muttered "of course" before nodding. "Yeah, she said she wasn't going to be here, because she felt sick."
"……Okay, and you don't see how that's weird? It's Adora."
Glimmer shrugged. "Yeah, but what can we do about it? Why are you hounding me and not Adam?"
Catra made a face. "Because I don't like talking to Adam. He's too…..y'know? Whatever." Catra huffed and leaned back in her chair, pulling her phone out. "I'll tell Arrow Boy to ask him, they have first period together, right?"
"We have names, Catra."
"Sure you do, Spangle."
Catra: Hey ask Adam why Adora's not at school today
Bow: Well, good morning to you too
Bow: But okay, that is odd
Catra slid her phone back to her pocket and laid her head down on her desk. it wasn't a good morning, if it were a good morning, Adora would be here.
Her phone buzzed and she pulled it back out, checking what Bow said
Bow: He said she had an doctor's appointment in Elberon today, so she won't be here.
Catra stared at it for a good ten seconds, confused. So Adora was lying? If Adora had a doctor's appointment she'd tell her, or at the very least, complain about it. Adora hated doctors.
Unless if she didn't want Catra to know. Or if it was a emergency? Maybe?
She had to get to the bottom of this
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It was fourth period before she got any new information.
Adam came up to her in study hall, looking nervous, and a little annoyed. "Hey, do you know where Adora is? Mom and Dad are worried sick after everything that happened last night."
Catra blinked at him slowly. "Well last I checked, she was at a doctor's appointment in Elberon."
Adam froze, his eyes widening as she pointed out the lie. "You- she hasn't texted you?"
"No, so what the hell is going on?!" Catra stood up, glaring up at him. Adam was a little taller than Adora. "What happened last night?!"
"I-" Adam paused, looking away, before shaking his head and turning. "Forget about it."
Catra grabbed his wrist. "No, hell no. you don't get to lie to us and then walk away. What. happened."
Adam looked conflicted, only for a moment, before yanking away. "It's none of your business. Obviously, she wants space, so respect that."
He walked away, back over to his jock friends, and Catra glared at the back of his head for the rest of the period.
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"Isn't that fucking weird?!"
Now, it was lunch. Their table consisted of the glittery one, Scorpia, Lonnie, and usually, Adora and Bow, but Bow was working on a robotics project, and Adora was AWOL. Their other friends, and Adam, had the other lunch period, so Catra was free to say whatever she wanted.
"Maybe she's just taking a mental health day. I do it all the time!" Catra groaned, they weren't getting it. "Yes, Scorpia, you do it. Adora doesn't! Adora would rather lose a limb than relax! Besides, Adam said something happened last night. He wouldn't say what though."
"I say we give her space," Lonnie shrugged. "If she wanted us to know what was going on, she would've told us."
"Great, great, and the next thing we know, she's on the news, missing, and when they ask us, all we can do is shrug."
Glimmer gave her a look. "That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?"
"When your car stopped working, we had a funeral and a candlelight vigil for it, I don't want to hear it from you."
Glimmer crossed her arms. "Well, you're making it sound like we're gonna be having a funeral and candlelight vigil for Adora if we don't keep tabs on her every hour. Which isn't shocking coming from you, but still."
Catra ignored that last part. "Really? None of you see a problem here?"
When they all gave varying reactions of shrugs and head-shakes, Catra stood up. "Useless, all of you."
She walked away, dumping her food into the bin.
It was the last year of high school. She hadn't skipped (that much) this year, way less than all the other years, and she already got accepted into college.
Screw all of this and all of these people, she was gonna go figure it out herself.
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The first stop was her house. She drove by it first, just to check if her parents were home, only Adora's car was in the driveway, and she parked a little down the street. She got in through the front door using the spare key under the porcelain owl. It was much easier than her usual route of climbing the tree outside Adora's window, and stepping onto the roof.
Then, she went upstairs and tried opening Adora's door, only to find it locked.
She knocked, no answer.
She knocked again, no answer
She knocked a third time, louder, and still, silence.
"Adora, it's me." Nothing. "If you don't answer, I'm breaking your door down. No answer. She groaned, and walked away to grab a bobby pin from the bathroom.
She was like a ghost in the Grayskull residence. She'd been over multiple times, knew where everything was, but she barely interacted with Adora's family. Adam, it was only if need be, and he was useless nine times out of ten. Her mother, Marlena, gave her polite greetings every once in a while, and her father, Randor……
She had a strong feeling he didn't like her, even less so when she cut her hair. It was whatever, though. As long as Adora liked her.
She picked the lock quickly, and walked in to find that Adora was not in her room.
Not only that, her room was trashed.
Books on the grounds, clothes strewn everywhere, her trophies got the worst of it. All of them were knocked off the shelves, some shattered, some dented, it looked like a tornado swept through. It only fueled her worry. She pulled her phone out and texted Adora again.
Catra: ugh school is soooooo boring without you
Adora: I wish i could be there :(
Adora: tbf though you say it's boring even when I'm there
Catra: It's worse without you obviously
Catra: dumbass.
Catra stared down at the screen, and looked up at the room in disarray. She didn't want to tell Adora she knew. She didn't want to push her away further, with the shaky peace their friendship was already on.
If the door was locked, then that meant Adora left through her window, meaning she snuck out, but if she snuck out, then why didn't she take her car? Was she grounded? If she was grounded, then why did she still have her phone?
On top of all that, Adora was lying to her, saying she was home, which meant she was probably somewhere she wasn't supposed to be? That, or she didn't want to be found. Either way, something really bad happened.
And when bad things happened, Adora went to a handful of places.
She grabbed Adora's varsity jacket, dusted off the tiny gold resin shards, and put it on over her band shirt, despite it being one of the warmer spring days. She re-locked the door, and crawled out the window, following in her friends footsteps.
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She checked the athletics track behind the school first. Adora was the only person she knew that would willingly be at school whilst skipping school. No luck there. She even checked the warehouse they partied at some times, only because of proximity, though she figured it'd be a dead end.
Then, she checked the coffee shop they frequented, and asked the front counter person if she'd seen her. That turned up empty too, but she order both a coffee for her and Adora, for when she found her.
She would find her.
Next, she checked the gym, Adora usually worked out her anger there. She checked every part, asked staff members, and it was a resounding no. She checked the store she worked at almost every weekday and weekend mornings. Shockingly, another no.
She checked her usual hiking trails, that she found by checking her Instagram posts locations. She checked by hikingthem, which simultaneously calming and exhausting. She didn't know how Adora did it.
Well, no, she did, by being active and fit, and not just laying in her room watching movies every weekend while snacking, and occasionally smoking a joint if Kyle brought some over when Scorpia hung out with Lonnie's friends.
Catra had never felt the chasm of difference between hers and Adora's lives more than when she realized she'd have to climb up rocks to continue the path.
The trails were very pretty though, she stopped a lot to take pictures (and catch her breath), and the small creek had water that shimmered in the sun. Catra had never realized what a beautiful, yet busy life Adora was living.
Now if only she could find her to tell her that.
By the time she got done with all that, It was four, so she texted their friends in the group chat they used to plan Adora's eighteenth birthday three months prior.
Catra: So Any word from Adora today
Mermista: No
Scorpia: Not yet
Perfuma: No????? is she alright?
Bow: Not yet, I was gonna call her after practice
Lonnie: Dude you're still on this?
Glimmer: She told me she was sick earlier and didn't want us coming over bc it's infectious
Catra inhaled. Deep breath in, deep breath out. She didn't want to alarm them just yet. She didn't want to send a group of, like, twelve people scouring for Adora when her friend, the most honest girl she knew, clearly wanted to be alone if she was lying to everyone. She still had a couple more places to check though, so she got in her car and drove.
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Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
No appearance, no leads, Nothing. It was like Adora just…..vanished.
The fear and anxiety she'd been holding back with duct tape and lies to herself was now front and center. She was terrified for her friend, she pulled out her phone and texted her again.
Catra: Heyy what's up?
Adora: Nothing just watching MasterChef and eating ice cream wbu?
Catra wanted to scream. She wanted to yell at Adora that she knew she was lying, knew that her room was a wreck, knew that she was putting up a wall. Instead, she stayed silent and tried to calm herself again.
She knew that Adora was going through….something, that she didn't deserve all of Catra's scared rage on top of it all. She set her phone down, and tried to wrack her brain for ideas, places she could go.
Only for her phone to ring, she looked at the caller ID, unknown number. Still, she picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Catra!?" Adam again.
Her free hand tightened into a fist. "What do you want, Adam?"
"Have you seen Adora?! My signed baseball bat is missing!"
Catra gritted her teeth. "Nah, i figured she wanted space." She spat bitterly. She didn't care if it made her petty.
"I doubt she has your stupid bat, no one cares about that thing besides you." He sighed on the other end annoyed, as if shewas inconveniencing him. "Well, if you do find her, can you tell her to call me?"
"Uh huh, sure." She had absolutely no intention of doing that.
"Catra, I'm serious."
"So am I." She snarked back.
"…You do know, don't you? You're just being an asshole like always, go figures." She didn't rise to the bait, she only waited.
"…..Wh- Whatever, it doesn't matter anyways. Adora's just jealous anyways, she's acting like a child."
Catra's claws dug into her phone case, but before she could tear into him, her phone vibrated rhythmically again. She pulled her phone away, a welcome break from Adam's voice, to check the Caller. Mermista.
Odd, they rarely talked, but any excuse to hang up on this dick. She didn't even say goodbye as she hung up on Adam and answered her….well, not friend, they've fist-fought a couple times, but acquaintance.
"Hello?"
"Hey, you still looking for Adora?"
"Yes." She answered instantaneously, and fought the very strong urge to snap when she heard a snort from Mermista. "Did you see her?"
"Uh, yeah, a bit ago. She dropped Seahawk off at my place, since he set the interior of his car on fire last week and has to get it cleaned and fixed." Catra had to physically hold back the "rich people problems" quip that usually left her mouth.
"She was driving a really fancy, old car for some reason, and she gave him a ride in exchange for vodka. She was acting weird. Like, weirder than Adora weird."
That was alarming, Adora rarely drank at parties, never during the week, on a Monday. "Did she say where she was going? What she was doing?"
"Just that she was "taking care of some stuff", totally not ominous at all…Anyways, just figured i should tell you." Catra sighed, and turned her car back on. "Yeah, thanks." She hung up. It wasn't a full answer, but it was something.
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Once the sun started setting, Catra finally gave in. She pulled her phone back out and called Adora.
"Hello?" Adora's voice was crackly, not from the reception, slurred.
"Where are you?" Her voice was strained. It'd been a long day.
"…In the field behind the forest, behind the warehouse." She didn't even sound shocked, just……drunk.
"Okay, I'm on my way."
Catra arrived not long later, parking at the nearby store, so no one driving by would get suspicious of a random car parked outside an abandoned warehouse. After a short walk through the forest, a blip compared to the three hours she hiked earlier, she found her.
When she got to the field, Adora was sitting in the grass, and staring at the car. Tire trails stamped the grass from the other side down, and beside her laid a vase Catra had seen in the living room of Adora's house, already broken into pieces, and Adam's prized bat. Adora's eyes were beet red, she hadn't slept.
"…..Nice car."
"It's my dad's. It was the first one he ever restored. The rest of them sit in a garage he rents."
Aside from the crickets, silence.
It was weird, she'd been thinking of things to tell her all day, but now, when it counted, nothing came to mind. Still, she had to try, Adora had done the same for her countless times.
"…..Adora-" "I got in."
Catra went quiet again, confused but Adora kept talking. "Crystal Sterling College. I got in."
Her eyes widened, Adora's dream school, since they were in middle school. She'd wanted it more than, well, anything. More than any other dream. "Adora, that's great-"
"It would be if the acceptance deadline wasn't four months ago."
Catra's stomach twisted instinctively. "What? but-"
Adora smiled, not happy, something far more volatile, far more broken. She stood up slowly, picking up the ivory white metal bat, letting the chill seep into her fingers, her hands shaking. "Yeah, i had no idea until this weekend when my amazing brother used it against me in an argument. You wanna know what happened?"
She didn't wait for Catra to respond this time, she lifted the bat above her head and brought it down, quick and hard. "They hid it from me! All three of them!"
The hood of the car colliding with bat created a harsh, metallic sound, as it caved beneath the force. Adora was far from done, though. "They threw the letter away and let me think I just got rejected, all for him! All so Adam wouldn't feel like I was better than him!"
With each sentence, she brought the bat down harder and harder, slowly crushing the hood and anything directly underneath it. This was the first time Catra had seen Adora crack like this, raw, violent.
"They did it like it was nothing! Like it was something i should just…accept! After everything I do for them, after all the paychecks I've given them, after all the times I kept my mouth shut during Dad's ignorant rants so there would be "peace", all for what!?"
She shattered the front windshield. "All so Adam could keep his fragile ego?!"
Then the headlights. "All so he wouldn't feel emasculated by my success?!"
It almost look methodical, how thoroughly Adora was destroying the car in front of them, but the crazed, hurt look in Adora's eyes was the entire opposite. She yanked the hood up, and gave the engine the same treatment, metal fragments flew out into the grass.
One hit her in the forehead, scraping it, but she didn't even pause. That got Catra to finally spring into action. She stepped forward, grabbing the bat, forcing it, and Adora, still.
"Adora, I get that you're pissed and-" She yanked away with a visceral energy that surprised even Catra. "You're saying i don't have a right to be!?"
It set off Catra's knee-jerk defensive attitude. "I'm not saying you don't! Hell, shove the car into a lake for all i care, just don't hurt yourself to hurt them! You're bleeding, idiot."
Adora stared at her for a long moment, before taking a few steps back, both mentally and physically. She dropped the bat, and dropped beside it, covering her face with her hands. It was like all the fight was drained out of her.
Catra wasn't surprised, after seeing the state of Adora's room, it was clear she'd been in a rage the whole day, maybe even most of the weekend. Catra sat beside her, studying her carefully, quietly.
"They sabotaged me, just so they could keep acting like Adam was the better twin, their perfect son. They don't care about me, they don't love me, they-" Adora froze, as she realized what she said, as the truth of it sank in, and her face crumpled. "They don't even like me, and all I do is try to get them to."
Catra hated the defeat, the pain, in Adora's tone. The sight of her best friend dejected, torn apart, made her eyes sting. She hated that she hadn't noticed sooner. She'd been far too wrapped up in her own shitty life to think about Adora's.
"They're pieces of shit. They don't deserve you." She felt like a hypocrite saying that, but It was better than saying nothing. "Have you tried telling the college?"
"How do you think my room ended up a mess?" Adora uttered out weakly. "I called them earlier today, and they said there was nothing to be done, and since I was seventeen when I got the letter, I can't do anything legally."
"How did you know i was in your room?"
"You're have my jacket."
Catra looked down at herself, suddenly remembering it. She tied it around her waist during the hikes she took earlier, since she forgot to leave it in her car. "Oh right, do you want it back?"
Adora shook her head, wiping at her eyes. Catra didn't push. They sat quietly for a while, just staring at the sky. The blue that was coating the glowing orange was already almost navy, dimming with each minute the sun faded.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do, Catra." Adora breathed out weakly, vaguely, like it hurt. Catra knew she wasn't just talking about the vintage car she just battered past repair, or the bat she dented doing it.
"…That's okay," Catra replied, softly, gentle in a way she'd never been, not even to herself. "We can just focus on right now, and right now, we should head to Scorpia's so I can clean and bandage that cut, and you can sleep. No offense, but you look like shit."
Adora only laughed wetly, still raw, and Catra stood up, holding out her hand to pull her friend up. Adora let herself be hauled up and Catra wrapped her arm around her, keeping her steady. "Thanks," Adora muttered, leaning on her, just enough to close her eyes. Catra huffed, feigning annoyance, but she glanced back at the old car.
"Do you have anything of value in there?" Adora shook her head faintly, so they walked away. Catra led her through the woods, past the warehouse, and back to her car. She helped Adora into the passenger seat.
As she was driving, Adora mumbled. Her head was leaned back so the blood wouldn't drip in Catra's car. There was already some on her shirt."I don't- I don't want to be seen like this. I don't- can you-"
"Yeah, yeah, I will, we'll go straight to my room." Catra reassured her quickly, pulling her phone out at a stoplight and texting Scorpia.
Catra: Hey, can you and Lonnie be in your room when I get back? I'm at the intersection before the gas station.
Catra: I found Adora and she's not in the headspace for people. She's staying over tonight.
She almost wanted to rub it in their faces, that she was right, but she also knew that now was not the time.
Scorpia: Of course! I'll tell my moms, Just let us know if you need anything
Catra: Thanks
They got there about five minutes later, and Catra helped Adora inside, and up the stairs. When they got to her room, Catra got her sitting on the bed, head still tilted towards the sky.
"I'll be right back with supplies, just stay here." Catra left, grabbing stuff from the bathroom, a warm rag , a bandage, and pain meds. She knew Adora couldn't take any now, since mixing them with alcohol was dangerous, but she'd definitely need them tomorrow.
She came back to find Adora in the same spot, and Catra knelt on her bed beside her, so she was slightly taller, so she could see the wound better. She cleaned it, wiping at it gently, washing the blood away, before applying the bandage. Adora only winced a few times, she supposed that was one positive to the numbness alcohol brought.
After that, Catra stood up again. "Have you eaten today? Probably not enough to keep all that vodka down, I'll go make you some Mac & Cheese, and get a bucket just in case."
Catra left again, trying to ignore her nerves. Adora had been silent. Usually Adora was a chatty drunk, and Catra knew Adora was running on empty right now, but it was still weird.
She put a pot of water on the stove, and grabbed the puke bucket from under the sink. She brought it to Adora, and went back to the kitchen, pulling out her phone, calling.
"Ew, what do you want?" Mermista.
"Can you put your weird boyfriend on the phone?" Catra ignored the snark, very not in the mood at the moment. Mermista handed the phone over and Seahawk spoke.
Well, more like exclaimed. "Well, Hello-!"
"Nope. No, no. Not right now. Look, there a car I want you to burn. I'll give you fifty bucks to go to the field behind the warehouse tonight and do it…and get rid of the dented bat there too."
His delighted gasp grated on her ears but she said nothing. "Oh, I'd be delighted to! and don't worry about the fee, I'll do it for free!"
"Generous," Catra rolled her eyes, and hung up.
Soon enough, she brought two bowls of Mac & Cheese to her room, where Adora was standing, looking at the shelves of DVD's Catra had.
"Hey," Adora looked over, and Catra held up the bowls, "time to eat. I'll put on a movie for us. See anything you like?"
Adora glanced back at the shelf, and she shook her head. "I don't care, just pick something old." Catra nodded, and Adora sat on the bed again, taking one of the bowls from Catra gratefully.
"You're the best." Her tone was so genuine, Catra paused, setting her bowl down. She deflected with self-deprecating lightness. "We both know that's not true."
"No, I know, you don't…"
Catra didn't know how to respond to that.
So, she just did as Adora asked, and she put something on, the screen saturated. They watched in the quiet, Adora was far more focused on eating. After she finished, she laid down, closing her eyes. Catra did the same.
Adora passed out almost instantly, Catra stayed up a little longer, despite being bone-tired.
She turned to gaze at Adora again. She couldn't help but wonder how long Adora had been retraining her temper, how long she'd been supressing the rage that she'd seen fulminate today.
Adora was selfless, to the point of her own detriment, Catra knew this, even when they were fighting, and not speaking for months at a time. It was part of the reason she kept coming back, despite knowing how poisonous she herself was.
She knew that no one saw Adora's boiling point, Adora didn't let anyone see it.
Until tonight.
But now, she was at rest, she looked so peaceful, her chest rising up and down rhythmically, no falter.
Catra almost reached out but she stopped herself. She couldn't be so selfish, still. Adora's radiance was something to be admired from afar, and even now, when they weren't even a foot apart in her bed, she felt far.