Chapter Text
Jungkook doesn’t know how to start such a conversation.
Especially one he wishes he was not having at all.
He looks down at his own hands, gaze zeroing on a cuticle on his ring finger. He scrapes his bottom lip with his teeth, resisting the urge to take the digit to them and pull at the thin layer of dead skin until it bleeds.
Tapping his foot on the wooden floor, Jungkook takes a deep breath, the sounds of keypads, animated conversations and the incessant whirring of the coffee machine assaulting his ears. Perhaps he should’ve picked a more private location.
But before he can think much further about it, Kim Namjoon pushes the glass door open and scans the busy space until he finds Jungkook, who chose a corner windowless table to sit at.
His best friend’s older brother approaches him with a smile on his face. Jungkook tries to return it, but he’s not sure he’s very successful.
“Hi, Gguk,” Namjoon greets, pulling the chair behind. He sits down gracefully, his warm scent instantly making Jungkook’s pulse slow down — not by a lot, but still. It isn’t something common for him. Not anymore. “How are you?”
“Fine.” It’s more of an automatic answer. Jungkook has learned in the most painful way that explaining how he actually feels makes most people uncomfortable. He licks over his lips. “And you?”
“Alright.”
The alpha leans back against his chair, pulling the menu toward himself, but he doesn’t look at it. Namjoon also doesn’t keep his gaze straight in Jungkook’s eyes, which he appreciates.
“Should we order?”
“Sure.”
Jungkook isn’t hungry. He thinks if he eats anything, he will vomit. But he orders a latte and a strawberry shortcake slice, just for something to do with his hands when he inevitably has to explain to Namjoon why he suddenly invited him to a café.
While they wait, Namjoon makes small talk.
He tells Jungkook about his lectures and what his parents have been up to since their retirement went into full effect. Jungkook, of course, already knew about the abrupt trip to Hong Kong and the new 60’’ TV they had purchased, but he smiles and laughs along anyway.
Once their drinks and cakes have been placed on the table, Jungkook takes a sip of his latte and swallows it around a lump in his throat.
“So,” Namjoon murmurs after chewing a generous piece of chocolate cake, and Jungkook braces himself. The alpha pushes his square glasses up the bridge of his nose. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
The omega feels his eyes sting.
He sighs, looking down at his untouched food. Not a word out of his mouth and he’s already on the brink of breaking down. Great. That’s all Jungkook fucking needs right now.
“Hey, Gguk, what’s wrong?”
Namjoon’s voice is filled with concern, but he doesn’t attempt to scoot closer to him, or even touch the hand Jungkook has flat on the table. Boundaries — long established, long kept. Boundaries that Jungkook has asked him to come here to break.
“My doctor, she—” he tries, but the sentence feels scrambled in his mind, so Jungkook pauses for a moment. He takes another deep breath. “I went in for a routine checkup, but mostly because I’ve been getting too tired lately. It’s like no matter what I do, I’m restless. Heavy limbs, heavy eyes… Irritable, moody, sad.”
Jungkook grabs his fork and pokes at the cake, heart pulsing in his ears.
“At first I thought it was just another wave of my grief, but it kept getting worse and worse, and my therapist suggested I go to see my physician, so…” Jungkook trails off. Another deep breath. More cake poking. “She said suppressants aren’t made to replace my cycle, only delay it. But I’ve been delaying it too long. Over two years now. And my body’s asking me to stop.”
Silence settles for only a moment.
“Your physician believes it would be healthy for you to experience a heat cycle again,” Namjoon concludes, softly.
If he’s already made sense of the reason why Jungkook’s telling him all of this, he doesn’t say it. The alpha waits, like the gentleman that he’s always been.
Jungkook takes a small piece of cake to his mouth and chews slowly. It tastes good.
Just get it over with.
“She told me it would be beneficial if I did,” he says quietly. “And… she suggested I find an alpha to spend it with.”
Jungkook sets the fork down, stomach turning.
“It wouldn’t be good for me to do it alone. Or with a beta,” he adds quickly — Jungkook needs to get the words out before they get stuck on his throat. “Since I’ve experienced bonding and mating.”
Jungkook blinks and a tear falls down his cheek.
“She said not having an alpha with me for a first heat after so long might do more harm than good.”
Again, Namjoon patiently waits. His scent hasn’t changed nor spiked once since he sat down. It remains warm and calming, the sweetness of brown sugar and a faint hint of peppermint. Jungkook couldn’t be sure it would be so, but he’s glad his instincts had been correct about the alpha.
“I need it to be you,” Jungkook concludes.
The omega doesn’t lift his eyes to the alpha after he says it. He can’t. It was hard enough to get it out. Perhaps the hardest thing Jungkook’s had to do since the day he and Taehyung put all of Jungkook’s mate’s things into cardboard boxes to either go to a storage unit or to be donated.
“Okay,” Namjoon says, ever so gently. “I’ll be there for you, Gguk. For everything and anything you need.”
Jungkook chews on his bottom lip. He knew Namjoon would say yes. It was never a question of if. It was more of a question of how.
The why and where, Jungkook already had.
“Did your doctor say anything about the possibility of you reacting poorly to my presence?” Namjoon asks, still so softly. “I… don’t know much about the experience of a mating cycle for widowers, but I do know it’s possible for the omega to feel difficulty accepting a new alpha into his nest.”
“She said it would be beneficial if it was someone I already had a close emotional bond with,” Jungkook murmurs, eyes back on the cuticle. “And that if I were to let him scent me… and come into my nest before the heat itself, it would lessen the chances of a rejection happening.”
“That makes sense.”
Jungkook takes the finger to his lips and pulls at the dead skin. It stings. He hisses, placing the hand back on the table, a small red stain next to his nail.
“It’s not about sex,” Jungkook feels the need to clarify, stomach churning. “Nor procreation.”
“I know, Gguk.”
“But it sort of is, I know, and if it works I’ll probably ask for it and also… enjoy it,” he continues, repeating the same words his doctor had told him a week before. And then he thinks of the words his therapist has been telling him for the past few months and takes a deep breath. “I know there’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex again, I just... it’s just… heats are too intimate.”
Namjoon slides his hand a little closer, but not close enough that the tip of his fingers touch Jungkook’s.
“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you feel safe,” the alpha promises, voice firm. “We can take it very slow. Your time is all that matters. I’m here for you.”
Finally, Jungkook looks up and meets his gaze. Sharp brown eyes, so soft and welcoming.
Kim Namjoon has been in Jungkook’s life ever since he can remember. Older brother to his best friend, Namjoon had always been there to care for and protect him. It would be a lie if Jungkook said he never harbored any feelings for the alpha, but all that had naturally stayed in the broken cobblestones of their youth — especially after Jungkook met and fell in love with his late husband.
As they grew older, their lives moved in opposite directions — they were still friends, but didn’t see each other very often. Until tragedy struck, that is. Just like Taehyung, Namjoon had been there for Jungkook from the moment he heard the news.
They cooked for him, cleaned his house and drank bottles of tequila with him. He had begun to think he asked too much of them, but nothing like just now.
Jungkook has never asked so much from a friend before.
He never thought he would have to.
“I feel like I’m betraying him,” he confesses, struggling to keep the eye-contact. “Like I don’t respect him.”
“Gguk…”
“I know, I know.” He sighs. “It isn’t like that. I know.”
The tip of Namjoon’s fingers touch his and Jungkook doesn’t pull his hand away.
“Wherever he is, he wants you to be happy. He wants you to be okay and healthy.”
Jungkook sniffs, offering him a small smile. “Since when do you believe in the afterlife?”
“Since I realized it would be far too unjust for this to be it,” Namjoon replies kindly.
“Yeah,” Jungkook agrees, letting his gaze fall back to the strawberry shortcake. “It really would.”
Silence settles again — neither heavy nor uncomfortable. Sometimes silence is just silence.
Namjoon finishes eating his cake, Jungkook doesn’t touch his.
When it’s time to go, Jungkook asks if Namjoon wouldn’t like to go back to his place.
“See my nest,” he says, wrapping the scarf around his neck. “Perhaps place your scent on a few pillows?”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that?” Namjoon asks, careful. He shoves his hands in his pockets, huffing when they step out of the café and into the freezing January air. “You shouldn’t rush this, Gguk.”
“I’ve been working up the courage to have this conversation with you for a week, hyung,” Jungkook says, cold air filling his lungs. “I won’t be any more ready in another week, or another month.”
Namjoon nods, pressing his lips together.
“Alright,” the alpha agrees. “Let’s go to your place.”
Jungkook keeps his eyes on the alpha as Namjoon comes closer to his bed.
“Which one do you want me to scent?”
“That one,” Jungkook mutters, pointing toward a stuffed bunny he’s owned since childhood. It’s worn down and lacks the vitality it once had, but Jungkook’s attached to it. “And the blanket.”
Namjoon takes the cotton lilac blanket and slings it over his shoulders before taking the bunny between his hands. The alpha takes the plushie to his face and inhales deeply, closing his eyes.
Standing near the door, Jungkook wraps his arms around himself, inhaling a shaky breath. He watches as Namjoon rubs the bunny against his neck, eyebrows slightly pulled together, scent as calm as ever — a complete opposite to how Jungkook currently feels.
It’s been a long time since his nest last smelled like an alpha.
Namjoon places the stuffed bunny back on the bed, between the pillows, but keeps the blanket around his shoulders. Jungkook swallows, forcing a smile when the alpha’s brown eyes turn to him.
“You look a little like Superman,” Jungkook comments. “Or maybe Clark Kent. You know, because of the glasses.”
“I wish I were that cool,” Namjoon replies, smiling sweetly enough for his dimples to show. He holds the blanket around himself. “Would you like to talk a little more about how heats usually go, or went, for you? Things you like and do not like, how many days it used to last.”
Jungkook licks over his lips, nodding slowly. He isn’t sure he would like to, but he won’t know until he tries.
The omega steps into the room, moving to sit in the middle of his queen-sized bed, legs-crossed. After looking at it for a couple seconds, Jungkook puts the bunny in his lap. Namjoon, wrapped in purple cotton, takes a seat on the armchair.
Seconds tick by, silence stretching.
“You don’t have work today?” Jungkook asks.
Namjoon hums. “Already done with that. We have time, you don’t need to worry.”
“Okay.”
Jungkook takes a breath.
“I guess… I like to be reassured,” he starts, eyes on his own hands and the tiny bruise he had made on his finger after pulling at the skin. “I like to feel warm and cared for. I… don’t enjoy being belittled. Hm. I like to have my belly rubbed. I’m usually not in the mood to eat anything during the first couple days, so you’d have to be a little insistant.”
He stops, heart racing as his mind starts to betray him. Flashes of past heats move quickly through his thoughts — of Juwon’s hands on his back, of his warm mouth on his skin.
Jungkook breathes through his lips, pressing two fingers against his closed eyelids. He can smell Namjoon’s warmth, can feel it, and him, so close.
“About the sex…” he tries, voice rough.
“We don’t have to do it, you know that,” Namjoon murmurs. “I can be here for emotional and sensory support. And you can use your toys.”
Jungkook pulls his hand down, blinking his eyes open. It takes a few seconds for his vision to go back to normal. When it does, he settles his gaze on Namjoon.
“I know,” Jungkook says. “But I don’t know how my omega will react. I… haven’t been successful at using toys in the past, it’s always made me whiny and upset. It’s never been enough for me.”
He looks away.
“Since I haven’t had a heat since I lost Juwon, that might’ve changed. I might have grown a liking to the knot toys, I don’t know.” Jungkook feels his cheeks ache. “I won’t know until or if it happens.”
“Of course,” Namjoon hums in understanding.
Jungkook chews on the inside of his cheek, an urge to be more honest coming up his throat.
Even before the doctor suggested he go through a heat cycle again, Jungkook had already been trying to work through what it means for his grief that he misses being intimate with someone. Lately, a lot of his therapy sessions have dipped into the blurred, complicated lines between loss and desire. He doesn’t know what is okay to feel, to experience. If it’s okay to experience anything at all.
“It’s more than the heat, hyung,” Jungkook decides to confess, talking over the voices in his head and the hand wrapped around his heart. “I’m twenty-eight years old. I… have so much life to live. And the guilt of that, it lingers. But I’m trying to work around it. To remember that I’m young and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be alive… in every way possible.”
“I agree,” the alpha says, softly.
Jungkook takes yet another deep breath.
“I know earlier I said this isn’t about sex, and when it comes to the heat cycle itself, it’s not. At least, not entirely, but…” he stops, gut twisting. Jungkook feels his throat and mouth dry, his pulse quickening. Namjoon must smell it on him — the sorrow, the shame. “I have been thinking about it a lot these past few weeks. Well, months.”
Jungkook wouldn’t have pictured himself discussing how he feels about sex with Namjoon any time soon — or ever — but it bubbles out of him quite fast, once the first word rolls out of his lips;
“For a year, I barely remembered I was a person, let alone someone who could feel lust. Then, I was watching a show… and a sex scene started.” Jungkook keeps his eyes on the bed. “I had seen sex scenes since my grief journey began, but that one was different. Or it felt different. Perhaps because it was two men, perhaps because I was ready in some ways, but… I got horny. So I touched myself and couldn’t even… I felt horrible about it.”
Instead of offering the obvious answer, Namjoon chooses to remain quiet. The reassurance is in his scent, all soothing and affectionate.
“It took me a couple months to bring it up in therapy and ever since then I’ve been taking small steps.” Jungkook lifts a hand, scratches his neck. “It’s quote-unquote easier if you weren’t mated when your partner died. There are studies about it, I’ve—read my fair share of them. It’s also different for mated alphas who lose their omega partners. Not easier in this case, just… different.”
“I can imagine.”
Jungkook takes his gaze to him. “I’m talking too much, aren’t I?”
“Not at all,” Namjoon replies, and Jungkook can both hear it in his voice and smell it in his scent how sincere he’s being. “I’d love it if you’d continue.”
“Okay.” Jungkook takes his eyes back to the mattress. “I had been okay with the idea of trying to sleep with someone, and was considering downloading one of those dating apps… But I thought it had to be another omega. The thought of having an alpha touching me was… difficult, to say the least.”
“It’s comprehensible.”
Jungkook smiles softly, a breath easing out of him.
“What is it?” the alpha asks.
“You said it’s comprehensible,” Jungkook explains, turning his eyes to him again. “You could’ve said it’s understandable, but it wouldn’t be you, if you had.”
Namjoon offers him a soft smile. He straightens himself, pulling the purple blanket off his back and holding it in his hands.
“You want this back?”
Jungkook swallows, nodding.
The alpha gets on his feet and walks toward him, reaching both his hands out to wrap the blanket around Jungkook’s shoulders.
“May I sit here on the bed with you?”
Jungkook looks up at him, so tall and handsome, so soft and kind, and nods once more.
As Namjoon sits down on the edge of the mattress, Jungkook inhales, trembling slightly as the strong pheromones seem to sip through his every pore — every bit overwhelming, every ounce strange.
His omega feels immediately confused, cornered. Jungkook’s throat closes up, his eyes sting. Suddenly, he wants to push the blanket off, to tell Namjoon to get the fuck out of his nest, to scream at him he doesn’t belong there — that no alpha will ever belong there again.
And then, he hears his voice.
“Breathe,” Namjoon mutters, ever so calmly, and yet, so commanding. “Breathe for me, omega.”
Jungkook pushes a breath through his lips, fixing his eyes on the alpha in front of him. Namjoon’s nostrils are flared, his eyebrows pulling between his eyes. He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t reach out to touch him, but he also doesn’t look away. Namjoon keeps their gazes locked, and in the brownness of his eyes, Jungkook finds reason enough to will his omega to calm down.
“I…” he tries, bottom lip trembling. Jungkook presses the stuffed bunny to his chest, holding it close. In front of him, Namjoon blinks slowly, gaze falling to Jungkook’s lips for a brief second. The omega swallows. “Should we scent each other?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon hums, lips pulling at the side. “As long as you’re sure this is what you want.”
“I want us to have sex,” Jungkook blurs out. His eyes widen, blood pulsing in his ears. “I mean, I’d… like us to try having sex.”
Namjoon’s expression doesn’t change significantly — his pupils grow a little darker, his lips part slightly — but his scent spikes, and for the first time that day, Jungkook tastes its heaviness pressing down on his tongue.
“It makes sense in my head,” he’s quick to explain, words coming out a bit more entangled than he’d like them to. “Before I start coming off my suppressants. Regular sex. Just once. I think… I think it’d help my omega accept you during the heat cycle. If you don’t want it, that’s okay, I completely understand, we’ve known each other since we were kids and it’s never been sexual between us, you’re already doing so much by accepting to spend a heat with me, so—”
“Jungkook,” the alpha interrupts, not unkindly. Jungkook presses his lips together, holding his breath. “I’ll always do everything I can for you.”
As soon as he hears the words, Jungkook feels his eyes swelling with tears. He hides his face in his hands, letting the sudden, overwhelming wave of sorrow push itself out of his body.
I’m sorry, he shouts in his mind, his late mate’s face in every corner of his thoughts. Every hiding spot, Jungkook sees him. I’m so sorry, my love, I’m so, so sorry.
“You’re okay,” Namjoon whispers, scent enveloping Jungkook in warmth and although it is soothing, it only makes him feel worse about himself. How can Jungkook enjoy it? How dare he enjoy it? The omega trembles, tears wetting his cheeks. “You’re not doing anything wrong, Gguk.”
“I know,” Jungkook sniffs, pressing the heel of his palms against his eyelids. He pushes his hands down, but keeps his eyes closed. “I know, hyung. It’s just hard.”
And that’s the worst part, isn’t it? Knowing. Jungkook is fully aware he’s being horrible to himself. He knows there’s nothing wrong with letting Namjoon — or anyone else — be here, in his nest. Jungkook knows he doesn’t have to be lonely forever.
But it’s so hard. It is so fucking hard.
“Let me scent you,” Namjoon offers. “Then, we can go from there.”
“Are you sure I’m not asking too much of you?”
“I am sure.”
Jungkook takes a deep breath, blinking his eyes open.
“Okay,” he whispers, lifting his gaze toward the alpha. “Scent me, hyung.”
Namjoon doesn’t move for a moment. He keeps his eyes on Jungkook’s, studying him, making sure they speak the same language his lips had. His gaze is purposeful, deep. And although it’s disarming and strange to be looked at that way by someone Jungkook can barely remember seeing in any other light, he welcomes it.
Finally, the alpha scoots closer, his scent as warm and sweet as always. Jungkook parts his lips, dropping his eyes to Namjoon’s neck. When the alpha reaches out, brushing his thumb against his cheek, Jungkook’s breath hitches.
“If you feel discomforted by my proximity in any way, let me know.” Namjoon pauses. “I can smell your confusion, your hesitation, and that alone would make me pull away. But this is a singular situation. So, you need to tell me, Gguk. Okay?”
“I’m okay,” the omega replies, heart properly hammering against his chest now that one of Namjoon’s pulse points is so close to his nose, his lips. All he’d have to do is turn his face a little and he’d be able to touch his wrist — kiss it, inhale it. Let himself drown in another alpha’s scent. Jungkook gulps. “I’m… not perfect. But I’m okay.”
Namjoon nods. He moves even closer, his knee touching Jungkook’s. The alpha’s gaze drops to the omega’s neck, thumb still caressing his cheek. Namjoon’s lips part and he lets his tongue travel over the bottom one. It’s a little chapped, which is very unusual for him. Jungkook has lost count of the times he’s stolen his lip balms over the years. He probably has a collection of Namjoon owned lip balms somewhere back in his mother’s house.
“Your scent has shifted a bit,” the alpha notes, looking back at his eyes. “It is sweeter now. More friendly.”
“Good.” Jungkook leans his head to the side, eyes fluttering closed. “I hope it remains that way… alpha.”
Namjoon’s scent spikes again, just slightly. If they weren’t so close, Jungkook probably wouldn’t even be able to notice it.
The alpha clears his throat, moving his hand from the omega’s cheek to his arm. Jungkook waits, tongue tingling, heart pounding. He feels Namjoon’s weight shift on the bed, then his breath against his neck.
Namjoon presses his lips on Jungkook’s skin, dropping a soft kiss right over his pulse point. The omega’s breath hitches again, holding the stuffed bunny a little tighter. He keeps his eyes closed, his neck bent and himself very, very still.
“I’m here for you,” the alpha whispers, a hand on the other side of his neck as he presses his nose to Jungkook’s scent gland. The touch tenses Jungkook’s shoulders — an old defense mechanism, an instinct he can’t control, protective of a place that once belonged to someone else. “I would never do anything to harm you, Jungkook. You can feel it, can’t you?”
Jungkook nods, forcing himself to breathe through it.
Yes, he can feel it. He can smell it. He probably could taste it, too, if he were to drag his tongue across Namjoon’s neck. But Jungkook can’t do that. Not yet, at least. So, instead, he takes his hands to Namjoon’s shirt and pulls at the fabric. To keep him close, to remind him that no matter how confusing Jungkook’s scent may smell, he wants this. He’s chosen this.
Namjoon hums, breathing him in. With his face still on his neck, the alpha takes Jungkook’s hand, the one holding his shirt, and rubs their wrists together — ever so gently, utterly breathtaking.
The omega feels a conflicting set of emotions.
Part of him wants to push the alpha off, to snarl that Namjoon isn’t allowed to touch him this way, that no matter how Jungkook felt about him when they were young, he was mated now. Even if his alpha was no longer here, Jungkook still belonged to him — his scent gland, his biting mark, his nest, the way his breath hitched and the sweetness of his skin, it all belonged to his mate.
But another part of him — a part Jungkook hasn’t felt ever since his alpha was ripped away from him two years before — wants to melt into it. Melt into Namjoon’s touch, give into his warmth and submit to his command.
It’s biological, Jungkook knows. A primal need, old as time itself. He’s a mated omega without an alpha. It’s far from absurd that, once drowning in the scent of an alpha he trusts, he would feel inclined to take a swim. He feared he wouldn’t. Feared his instincts would reject Namjoon entirely, but it doesn’t surprise him when that isn’t the case.
Still, once Jungkook allows himself to pull in a quivery breath, letting his lungs fill with Namjoon’s warm, grounding brown sugar scent, something in his chest loosens and his pulse slows down. With it, come the tears. His omega is disoriented, distraught. It wants the closeness in the same intensity that it wants Namjoon far, far away.
Jungkook leans forward, resting his forehead against the alpha’s shoulder, tears sliding down his cheeks as his body relaxes under Namjoon’s care.
The alpha presses a kiss to the side of Jungkook’s face, taking his wrist to the omega’s scent gland and rubbing their skin together. Jungkook tenses again, but ever so slightly. He exhales softly, heart getting used to beating instead of racing. His urge to snarl is still there, as ever–present as the churning in his stomach, but he feels like he can control it, push it aside.
Leave it in the background of the warmth stretching across his limbs.
“Alpha,” Jungkook whispers, inhaling more of his scent. “Hold me, please.”
“Would you like us to lie down?” Namjoon asks, caressing his sensitive nape. Jungkook hiccups, nodding. “Okay. I’ll put my back against the headboard, and you can lie your head on my chest. How does that sound?”
“Good.”
Namjoon doesn’t move.
“Are you sure?”
Jungkook exhales, lifting his head to look at him — big brown eyes settling on deep, steady ones. “My omega is just confused, hyung. Yes, I’m sure.”
The alpha’s jaw tightens and he nods, pulling away from him ever so slowly.
Jungkook watches as Namjoon kneels on his bed, moving a couple pillows out of the way to settle himself against the headboard. He puts his hands on his thighs and looks back at him, a soft smile on his lips.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Namjoon murmurs.
Jungkook swallows, his gaze dropping from the alpha’s face to his chest. Namjoon has always been big, but he seems even bigger now, sitting in the middle of Jungkook’s nest, surrounded by his pillows and duvets, dressed in dark jeans and a deep green sweater.
“Isn’t it uncomfortable?” Jungkook asks, pointing with his chin. “The jeans.”
“I’m alright.”
Jungkook exhales, nodding. He still feels conflicted — not only because this nest was never supposed to be inhabited by another alpha, but also because it’s only been a minute since Namjoon let go of him and his pulse is already quickening.
Will he be okay when Namjoon leaves? Was this a good idea? Did Jungkook think it through as hard as he should’ve?
“Omega,” the alpha mutters and their eyes connect. “Come here, please?”
Jungkook moves quickly, as if the request alone is enough for him to accept what he needs.
The omega makes room for himself next to the alpha, resting his cheek on Namjoon’s chest, hearing the rhythmic thud of his patient heart. Jungkook shuts his eyes closed, a hand resting on the alpha’s chest, the other curled around himself. He inhales, trembling slightly at how rich Namjoon’s scent is, how quickly it envelops him whole.
Jungkook can’t remember if he’s ever felt so much of Namjoon before. He recalls some late nights full of distress in which the alpha had served as an anchor for a younger version of himself to find his footing again, and this one time after Jungkook had his heart first broken, when Namjoon nuzzled at his neck, telling Jungkook that alpha was a fool for treating him the way he did.
He has no idea if Namjoon remembers that; the alpha had been drunk and the two of them never spoke about it. But whether he does or does not, it doesn’t matter. Jungkook isn’t lying on his chest because he wants to rekindle something that never was. He’s here because he needs to be. And there is no other alpha alive that Jungkook trusts to be here with him.
“So sweet,” Namjoon murmurs, softly sliding his wrist over the omega’s scent gland. Jungkook sighs, pleased. He turns his face a little to the side, nose brushing on the soft cotton of the alpha’s sweater. “You’re so sweet, Gguk-ah.”
Jungkook hums, easing onto the embrace. He hadn’t realized how tired he was until just now. Eyes closed, the omega yawns, pressing his cheek against Namjoon’s chest.
“You can sleep if you want,” the alpha tells him, fingers gently combing through Jungkook’s hair. “I promise I’ll stay awake, and leave after I make sure you’re okay.”
“I couldn’t sleep well,” Jungkook confesses, yawning once more. His skin feels warm, limbs growing heavy. “Kept thinking about what I had to ask of you… how I could… ask that of you.”
“You can sleep now,” Namjoon encourages and his voice sounds a bit distant. Jungkook frowns, pulling a sharp breath through his lips. Should he be so relaxed right now? Should he be letting another alpha scent him, right there, over his mating bite? What does it say about him that he feels so good in the arms of an alpha he doesn’t belong to?” “Hey, hey, don’t overthink it. You’re okay. Let it flow through you, hm? Do that for me, Gguk-ah. Let it flow through you.”
Jungkook licks over his lips, letting them fall open as he pulls in another breath — this time, through his nose. The alpha’s scent spreads through him fast, deep. Jungkook hears himself whimper, but it’s soft, barely there. He knows Namjoon hears it, but the alpha’s scent doesn’t spike and he doesn’t say anything.
Instead, Namjoon continues to caress his hair with one hand and rub his pulse point against Jungkook’s scent gland with the other. And before he can stop himself, before guilt has time to settle in, Jungkook slips into slumber.
It takes Jungkook a while to remember where he is.
His sheets smell differently, but he can’t quite place the reason why. Jungkook shifts a little, limbs feeling much lighter than they usually do right as he wakes up. He pulls his eyebrows together, hands sliding across the soft duvet, searching for his alpha even though he knows he can’t be there.
The omega breathes out heavily, pushing his face against the pillow and inhaling deeply. That’s when it hits him — both the memories and the strong scent. The alpha’s musk is all over his sheets, rich and warm, deep and enticing.
Jungkook’s breath catches on his throat as he grabs the pillow and shoves his face deeper onto it, a warm breath against the soft fabric. He feels his body tingly, electric; the remains of slumber spread through his relaxed limbs, his barely conscious mind not in a rush to make sense of anything.
He feels heated. Jungkook presses his crotch against the mattress, an annoyed whimper breaking itself out of his throat. Not enough. Jungkook grabs one of the cushions, pushing it between his legs. He starts rubbing himself on it, face shoved onto the soft pillow, cock pulsing between his stomach and the cushion.
It’s still not enough, but Jungkook can’t bring himself to do anything else. He feels relaxed, soft, aroused in a way he didn’t remember he could still get, and it’s best if he just… lets it happen. Just feel it. Rub himself on the cushion, press his face onto the sweet and musky alpha-smelling pillow. It’s best if he just lets himself think about strong hands on his hips, around his cock. Of soft lips on his scent gland, a knot pushing itself inside him.
Jungkook whines, feeling his ass and cock wet. The omega breathes harshly, tongue darting out to lick over the pillow top, but there’s no taste of alpha. Just the smell of him. Not enough. It has to be. Jungkook’s lower belly is tight, his cock hard, his hole fluttering.
He needs this, fuck, he really needs this.
The omega rubs himself harder, hips moving fast, messily. The more friction he presses onto his cock, the more awake he feels. Jungkook remembers sounds and conversations, the low rumble of Namjoon’s voice and the deep sharpness of his eyes. He knows who has been on his bed. Knows whose smell is on his pillows. Knows whose scent is lingering on his skin.
And it aches. It aches so much Jungkook cannot stop. He presses himself down harder, thoughts scrambled. His omega is begging him to keep going, to give it what it desperately needs. To chase it until it does him completely undone.
Jungkook inhales deeply, moaning as Namjoon’s scent spreads through him like wildfire, body trembling in an overwhelming, sudden orgasm. His vision whitens, a wave of slick in between his buttcheeks, cock twisting as it wets his briefs.
The omega keeps moving, own broken moans slipping into his ears as his pleasure trashes around him. He rubs himself on the cushion until he’s oversensitive, spent cock twisting.
Then, Jungkook doesn’t move for a very long time.
Long enough for him to realize what he’s done. Why he’s done it. And who had been both on his mind and in his lungs while he was doing it.
Jungkook pushes himself off the bed, heart thundering in his chest as he grabs every pillow, cushion and duvet, throwing it all on the floor. His eyes sting, breath coming out harshly.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
The omega shoves his clothes off before gathering the clothes, pillows, and sheets he had thrown onto the floor between his arms and marching toward the washing machine. He shoves everything inside, too angry with himself to focus on the right amount of softener to pour in.
Jungkook shuts the machine with a loud thud and moves to his couch, placing his feet over the cushion in order to hug his legs. Eyes on the black of his flat TV screen, he allows the tears to roll down his cheeks, salty and hot.
He should call his therapist. Set up an appointment for earlier than Friday. This is definitely a setback. Jungkook shouldn’t be crying. He shouldn’t have put all the bedding his friend so kindly scented to wash. Oh, God. What’s wrong with him?
Jungkook gets up, rushing toward the machine. The cycle’s already started — everything’s wet. Even if he takes it out, it won’t do any good. He kicks the machine, wincing when the pain spreads through his foot.
Good. He deserves that for being so freaking weak.
The keypad on the door beeps loudly.
“Jungkook?”
The omega doesn’t move, fingers brushing the carpeted floor. He could reply, but Taehyung will find him in a couple seconds, so trying to raise his voice feels useless. Jungkook keeps his eyes on the picture next to the TV, of the trip he and his mate took to Disney Japan a few years ago. He has been staring at it for hours.
“There you are,” Taehyung heaves out, dropping his bag onto the floor beside the couch Jungkook’s currently lying on, cheek on the soft cushion. “I’ve been calling. Hyung’s been calling.”
“Sorry,” Jungkook crooks out. His hair had been so long during that trip to Disneyland. It was the way his mate liked it the most. “I woke up feeling weird.”
Taehyung takes a breath before sitting down on the floor, legs crossed. He sits right in front of the picture by the TV, leaving Jungkook no choice but to look at him.
“You want to talk about it?” his best friend asks, gently.
Unfortunately, Jungkook isn’t in the mood for gentleness.
“No need to treat me like I’m made out of porcelain,” he mumbles. “I’m sure Namjoon’s already told you about yesterday.”
“Actually, he hasn’t.” Taehyung licks over his lips, dark brown hair trapped behind his ears. “But I imagine you talked to him about the heat cycle.”
Jungkook nods, settling his gaze on Taehyung’s shirt. It was hard to talk to Namjoon about needing him for his heat. It had been just slightly less so when he brought it up to Namjoon’s brother a few days before.
“Did he say no?”
“You know he didn’t.”
Taehyung’s scent spikes slightly, all confused and faintly discomforted.
“What happened?” he asks.
“All afternoon I’ve been wondering if I’m broken,” Jungkook mutters, throat squeezing tight. He takes a deep breath, lower lip trembling. “I mean, I know I am, I just… have been wondering if I’m broken beyond repair because let’s be honest. I’m hardly functional.”
“That’s not true,” Taehyung counters right away.
“He would agree with you,” the younger omega says, voice so low it’s more of a whisper. “Juwon would roll his eyes, sigh heavily and beg me to stop the nonsense. He would say I’m too hard on myself. If he were here, he would be understanding. He would tell me to move on with my life, to find another alpha to take care of me, to be happy.”
“He’d also list all the benefits of allowing your heat cycle to happen, and he would do so by putting it all on a power point presentation,” Taehyung adds, which makes Jungkook giggle, new tears gathering in his eyes. His best friend reaches out, wiping the wetness as it falls on his cheeks. “Juwon was a good man. A good alpha. A good mate.”
“That he was,” Jungkook sniffs, nostrils flaring, lips pressed together. “It sucks that he left me here, though. Major asshole move.”
“You can take it up to him when you meet again,” Taehyung suggests, kind and humorous as always. The only person who gets Jungkook’s way of dealing with grief. “But that won’t happen for a very long while, so in the meantime, you can vent it all to me.”
Jungkook settles his gaze on him. “Thank you, hyung.”
“Never thank me for being your friend,” Taehyung says. “It is my honor, Jeon Jungkook.”
“Okay, no need to get so lame…”
“Oh, you love it.”
The two of them giggle. Jungkook sits up, and within seconds Taehyung is right beside him, his sweet, comforting scent as welcoming as the hug he pulls him into.
“Your brother scented my nest,” Jungkook mutters, head on Taehyung’s chest, his best friend caressing his hair. “He held me just like you are right now. And my omega was confused at first, it wasn’t sure it wanted him there… but then… I was so relaxed. I couldn’t believe I actually let him touch my scent gland, right where— I don’t know how to feel about it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Taehyung replies. “Your scent gland is where you’re most vulnerable, but it’s also where it’s most comforting to be touched.”
“Yeah, I… felt so good I slept in his arms.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that either.”
“When I woke up, he wasn’t there anymore,” Jungkook continues, feeling his tongue heavy with every word that pushes itself out of his mouth. He doesn’t want to talk about this — not with Taehyung, not with anyone. But he should try. “I was a bit confused, a bit drowsy, all I could feel was this strong alpha scent and it… it made me all… So I just touched myself. And when I remembered, when I remembered whose smell that was, I freaked out.”
Taehyung doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and although his scent is calm — any trace of discomfort gone — Jungkook can’t help but chew on his bottom lip as he waits.
“You should tell hyung to come scent your bed again,” his best friend finally says. “Namjoon’s a good alpha, too.”
“It isn’t about that,” Jungkook replies, frowning. “I’m not… I’m not looking for…”
“I know,” Taehyung interrupts gently. “I’m just saying… Namjoon’s good. He will understand anything. Everything. You don’t need to tread carefully with him. Just ask him to be here and he will take care of the rest for you.”
Jungkook exhales softly, thinking back to how safe he felt in Namjoon’s arms.
“I feel like I’m betraying him,” he confesses. “When Juwon bit me, when he sealed our bond, I knew where I belonged. I knew who I belonged to. And now… I should be alone for the rest of my life, Taehyung. It’s how it works. Wolves mate for life.”
“It’s a beautiful sentiment, but it’s not set in stone,” Taehyung replies.
The words sting immediately, leaving a sour taste on Jungkook’s tongue.
“Don’t be cross with me,” Taehyung adds gently. “I’m not saying your bond wasn’t important, or that it won’t last forever. It will, Jungkook-ah. You’ll love Juwon for the rest of your life. He’ll always be a part of you. And if you decide you never want to be mated again, I’ll respect that. I’ll support you.”
Taehyung pauses before continuing.
“All I’m saying is that it doesn’t have to be black and white. Life rarely is.”
And because Jungkook doesn’t think he can respond to any of that without starting to cry again, he shifts the subject just slightly;
“Isn’t it weird for you?” he asks. “Your brother helping me through my heat?”
“It’s not weird,” Taehyung says with a soft chuckle. He pulls Jungkook’s hair out of his forehead. “Like I said, Namjoon’s a good alpha. The best of his kind.”
“He truly is,” Jungkook agrees, turning his gaze back to the photograph of Juwon and him at Disneyland.
The omega quickly turns away from it, a swirl of emotions taking over his chest.
Namjoon comes over the following night.
He doesn’t even ask why Jungkook needs him to scent the nest again so soon. He simply arrives, sits on the edge of the bed, and rubs his pulse points against whatever Jungkook quietly points to.
At first, Jungkook can’t look him in the eye. His mind keeps drifting back to yesterday morning when he’d rubbed himself until he came with Namjoon’s scent filling his lungs and his thoughts. It’s more than guilt — it’s shame. But then Namjoon takes the sweater he had been wearing a couple nights ago from his bag and gives it to him.
Jungkook’s so surprised he lifts his eyes up to the older man, their gazes locking.
“I thought I’d bring it for you,” Namjoon explains. “It’s okay if you don’t want to keep it, it’s just an idea. If you get used to my scent, it… it might help with the heat.”
“Thank you.”
Jungkook accepts the sweater, placing it on his nest, right next to the stuffed bunny. His hands are shaking slightly, so he presses them in his lap.
“I could smell your indecision,” Namjoon murmurs, a hand pressed onto the bedding, the other resting on his leg. Jungkook can’t help but notice he hadn’t come in jeans tonight. “Your grief. It’s, uh, part of your scent.”
“I know.” It was one of the first things Jungkook noticed after he lost his mate; how his scent permanently shifted to include the sorrow that now harbored inside of him. “It’s probably not very attractive.”
He doesn’t know why he says it. Namjoon doesn’t seem to know either, judging by the way the alpha frowns as if the words had struck him across the face like a slap. Jungkook immediately regrets it, throat squeezing, scent spiking in distress.
The omega sighs, moving under the covers, hands on his face. Jungkook pulls in air through his open lips, stomach turning.
“There’s nothing unattractive about you, Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon says, voice dripping with honesty but without an ounce of malice. As if it’s a true so simple he doesn’t need it carried by anything other than his deep, soft voice. “What I was trying to say is that that night, when I held you, that wasn’t the scent that stayed with me. You were calm. Warm. And it was a relief, Gguk, to smell peace in you.”
Jungkook breathes out, heat spreading across his cheeks. He doesn’t know what to say to that or to much of anything about this situation.
“I don’t want to be a nuisance,” he goes for, eyes in his hands. The skin he had pulled from his nail is still red, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. “I don’t want to take more than what you can give me.”
“You don’t need to waste your time worrying about that,” Namjoon assures him. “I’m okay, Gguk-ah. And I’m here for you, for whatever you need.”
“What if I need a lot?”
Namjoon exhales softly.
“Then take a lot,” the alpha concludes.
Jungkook lifts his eyes to him, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “And the sex?”
“What about it?”
“Will you… would you…” The omega trails off, looking away from Namjoon’s face. Heat spreads along his neck, his cheeks, the tips of his ears. “Do you want to?”
“I’m here for you in any way you need me to be,” Namjoon replies, firm, though his voice tightens slightly. “And I would never do something I didn’t want to do.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
Jungkook runs a hand over his face, letting Namjoon’s words settle in his mind. The same knot of doubt tightens in his chest, just as it did last night and the night before that. But waiting won’t make him any more ready. His grief is everlasting. A month from now, two months from now, it will be the same. Jungkook doesn’t have that kind of time. The longer he delays his heat, the more damage it could do to his body.
“Would you hold me again?” Jungkook asks, fidgeting with his hands. “It doesn’t have to be until I sleep, I just— I’m so tired. I think… it’ll help.”
Namjoon’s next to him in a second, pulling Jungkook onto his chest, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. His scent, as warm and welcoming as Jungkook remembers, embraces him as tightly as the alpha’s arms.
The omega exhales softly against the alpha’s chest, a single tear sliding down the side of his face.
“I’ll hold you until you fall asleep,” Namjoon promises quietly. “And if you tell me you want me to be here when you wake up, I won’t leave your side.”
Namjoon truly is the best of his kind and although Jungkook doesn’t believe he deserves such kindness, he won’t deny himself the alpha’s affection. Not now.
“Whoever you end up mating will be the happiest person in the world,” Jungkook murmurs against his shirt. He slides an arm around Namjoon’s waist, breathing in his steady scent. “But they need to be the best, too, because anything less isn’t enough.”
“Noted,” Namjoon mutters, caressing his hair. “I’ll make sure to get your approval before I mate any omega.”
“Good.” Jungkook yawns. “Would you mind if I closed my eyes?”
“Not at all, Gguk.” The alpha scratches his nape and the omega exhales, shutting his eyes. “And, as I said, if you want, I’ll stay.”
Jungkook whispers, as gentle as the wind, as delicate as he feels right now:
“Please, alpha, stay.”
Namjoon combs his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, gently scraping his scalp.
His scent is warm, his touch impossibly soft.