Work Text:
Robby went home alone after the mess that was Pittfest. He had his phone silenced, because Jake had started sending him vitriol messages. He hadn't handled the kid's grief well, but he hadn't said anything untrue either. It would take time for Jake to realize just how real this was. Jake had a long life ahead of him. Robby wasn't sure how much of life he had left in him, period.
Jack had talked him back off the roof. Jack had let him embrace him in front of all their coworkers. Jack had let him cling for those broken few moments, and something in Robby had shattered when he leaned and still met a solid chest. He didn't deserve Jack standing by him. Not after the shit show that had become their marriage, and how desperately he had been trying to hurt his spouse for the past several years.
He was alone in his stupid fucking apartment that was nothing like a townhouse designed for him. He sat on a ratty couch that he could easily afford to replace, and for once, he admitted to himself that he didn't think he deserved nice things. He didn't believe he deserved a husband that loved him. He didn't believe in true love and things that lasted.
He had destroyed this one all on his own though. The reason why he was here and not in their townhouse was on him. The reason he was alone was because he had chosen to move out and away from a good man and a fucking fantastic marriage. He had gotten scared three years in, convinced that nothing was ever going to work.
Jack had been so calm in the face of his panic. He said that he had sworn to Michael on the altar that he wasn't going anywhere. He said that Michael could have whatever panic he needed, but that Jack would still be there.
Robby had taken his ring off. Robby had slept with a stranger in a bar. Robby had demanded Jack be the one to file the papers first. Jack never took his ring off, the papers remained unsigned and possibly still not printed off, and Jack hadn't strayed even with his eyes.
Fuck, he had gotten ridiculously bold after that. So fucking angry at the fact his first affair hadn't gotten any fucking reaction. He slept with colleagues. He flaunted the fact that he was willing to sleep with anyone else. He had even dated Collins. Not just a sexual affair, he genuinely dated her. Coffee, easy morning kisses, and he'd done it in front of his husband as if that was reasonable.
Now Robby was realizing how stupid he had been. When he was in a full state of panic, the only person he wanted to make his day any easier was his husband coming in early for a shift he wasn't even supposed to be on. The only person who could have talked him off that roof was Jack.
All he really wanted was to drag himself to the townhouse and see whether Jack would let him in. Except, he was still a coward. He would definitely deserve Jack slamming the door in his face. He would probably deserve Jack finally taking off the ring and tossing it into his face and possibly following it with a fist.
He wouldn't survive that though. He'd find himself on his bike and going over a bridge's edge if his husband finally said that he was done with this mess. So, he needed a better plan.
Groveling was probably definitely necessary. An apology was the bare minimum. Never straying again was a guarantee. None of them ever had a candle on the love he felt for his husband, and if he had even a fraction of intelligence it wouldn't have taken ten years of separation to realize that.
He didn't start there though. He started by ripping apart the boxes in his closet until he finally found the one that he hid his wedding ring in. He slipped it back on the right finger and felt something solidify in his chest.
Jack had said at the start of this damn stupid fight, that all he ever had to do was slip that ring back on, and the two of them would talk it out like adults. Of course that promise had been made before Robby had made a mockery of their marriage in front of everyone. Really, the only thing that he was clinging to here was the fact that Jack hadn't abandoned him at any point during this whole affair. Every bad day had Jack checking on him at hand offs, every time Jack found himself on the wrong side of the railing Robby was there to pull him back to the other side, and every single bad decision hadn't been enough to get divorce papers handed to him. If that was still true, then he had a shot.
He went out and dug out his stupid fucking tablet to start writing an email. He wasn't an asshole, so he wouldn't send it immediately. He would wait for the appropriate moment. Shortly after Jack got off work and before he had fully entered the thick of things would be reasonable, he was pretty sure. There was a section for when to time the email being sent.
Jack had a string of days off, so he would be off when Robby got off the next day. If he wanted to tell Robby to come home, he could. If he wanted to tell Robby to fuck off, he could. He'd find out when he got off shift and plan accordingly.
He did quite a bit of internal processing as he wrote. He had to give Jack honesty. He owed the man that much. He owed him so much more, but he definitely had to start with brutal honesty.
By the time he was done, he realized that he still had to get some sleep before heading into another brutal day at the hospital. So, he collapsed on his couch. He couldn't bring himself to get to the bed.
The morning wasn't strange to him, but Dana had her mouth hanging open as he took the hand over from Shen about the patients they had left in the rooms. Most of the shooting victims had been transferred out of the emergency room, which was a miracle for his mental health.
Once he had confirmed everything, he walked over to Dana. "Might as well tell me what has you gaping at me like I've done something shocking?"
"Either you were an asshole who didn't tell me that Jack finally signed the papers, or you're an asshole who is going to kill Jack."
Robby looked down. The ring sat unobtrusively on his hand. His eyes turned back to Dana. "Yesterday was the worst shift of my life."
"And you thought getting married would fix it?"
"No," Robby said softly. "I think my marriage already saved me, and I'm done running. We'll see what happens."
Dana blinked. "You know Shen and Ellis are going to have your head if Jack actually gets hurt for this, right?"
"Jack's been hurting for a while," Robby replied. "This is me actually trying to fix that."
Dana shook her head. "Just don't bring further drama into my ER."
Robby flashed her a smile as he went to greet his residents and then his med students. All of them were going to require a bit more structure in the coming days after Pittfest. Most of them were new to something that traumatic happening right in front of them and where they weren't allowed to shatter into pieces. Most people didn't realize how much a hospital worker couldn't afford to panic.
He felt guilty as all hell that yesterday he had forced a new medical student to pull him out of a panic attack. He would have reported himself, but he was the fucking chief, so there was no one higher than himself outside of administration who never fucking dealt with doctors on shift. That was an important rule of the ER, unless you had gone so far that HR had to be included, administration was not brought into these scenarios.
The work shift went normally. Well, as close to normal as could be expected given what the day before had been. No calls or ambulances that caused an all hands on deck emergency. He had to talk Javadi down from a panic when something had fallen and sounded a bit like another shot had rung out.
Jack woke to the sound of his email. He grunted. He let very few email addresses actually alert him. Just like the police scanner, he had rules for himself on what was acceptable to escape sleep for. Almost no one could get him via an email. Robby could, but Robby hated to communicate outside of work hours right about now. Shen could, but he had strict orders never to abuse that privilege.
He swiped his phone and opened the email. He froze.
Michael's personal email address blinked at him along with an email heading that read A Long Overdue Apology. Jack stared in silence. Either this email was going to be either the best thing to have happened in nearly ten years or it will destroy what's left of his hope in humanity.
He could put it off for long enough to make coffee, but not any longer. He couldn't run from this. His therapist would be almost proud of that conclusion, if he wasn't so convinced that Jack should run in the opposite direction of his fucked up husband. The coffee pot brewed slowly, and he poured his coffee with ease.
He began to read with the warm liquid sipping.
Hey Jack, darling, husband of mine, life partner (I could probably keep going but I'm going to leave it here),
I cannot stress enough that I understand this email might be too late, by like possibly ten years, and you have every right to tell me to fuck off and send me divorce papers. I won't contest anything if you do. You can have the house, it was always yours anyway.
Fuck, I really don't want you to leave me though. I'm really hoping that this is enough. That this baring of my soul in an email and asking to come home is enough. Shit, sorry, I know this shouldn't be here. I should let you make your choices without dealing with my disastrous ass. But just to be clear, I am asking to come home. I want to be able to collapse against you on my bad days. I want to wake up next to you. I want to kiss you gently when we do pass off at the hospital. I want to go back to loving you outwardly and openly.
Again, I cannot stress enough that I know my issues have fucking baggage, and you have every right to kick me to the curb. Back then when things got rough, I was in a bad place. I was remembering my parents and the way their marriage crumbled into dust because neither one of them was willing to bend, and I was realizing that the two of us were following in their image in some major ways.
The way neither of us were willing to back down in a fight. The way that we were rubbing against each other in the worst ways with you wanting to jump and me wanting to be enough. The way that everything went worse for a time.
And then I remember how we came back together during the pandemic. The way we lived in our townhouse again and tried to pretend we were sleeping in separate rooms, but ended up collapsed on the couch together. How we never even kissed during that time, but it was the period that I felt most loved.
I tried to find love in other people. A part of me hoped that would be enough to get you to sign the divorce papers and leave me. Another part of me hoped to find the answer in whoever I was sleeping with. I never found the answers.
I found the answers yesterday. You are the only person who could have talked me off that roof. You are the only person I wanted to see at my lowest, and when you didn't stop me from collapsing against you, well I thought about crying. You are the best thing to ever happen to me.
If somehow I haven't wrecked us for all eternity, I will spend the rest of our lives making sure you know that you are my the only choice for me. I will beg for every scrap of affection you ever give me. I will apologize daily for the ten years we could have been together and weren't because I was an idiot.
I'm wearing my ring again. I know this isn't fair, but if you want me to take it off, you're going to have to take yours off and hand me those papers. Not fair, but then you're the one who told me that I was the one with all the power when I walked away that first night. You probably should have drawn another line as some point, but I'm too damn messed up not to push you on this one.
Love, Michael.
Jack finished reading and just blinked slowly. Best email ever, he guessed. He was getting his husband back, even if they were going to have to be fucking real about shit.
He pulled up their text thread saved on his phone from where he had never deleted anything. He liked scrolling back through the messages. He typed out something nice and easy.
Fuck you, come home, Michael. I meant what I said back then when I said if I ever had enough I'd take off the damn ring. My ring was on yesterday and I didn't take it off today over nothing.
Jack wasn't all that surprised when he heard the door click open. He crossed his arms over his chest. He stared at his husband's sheepish fucking expression.
Robby rubbed at the back of his neck. "Hey."
"Really?"
Robby's eyes averted away from Jack. He stared at the painting behind him. "I don't know what else you want me to say."
"Oh, fuck you."
"You could if you wanted," Robby whispered softly.
Jack's eyes narrowed. "You know full well that's not what I meant."
He rubbed harder at the start of his spine. "Yeah, I know. I just…Jack…I don't know what to do next."
"You mentioned groveling, you could try to do some of that."
"Yeah…"
"For fuck's sake, Michael."
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't think this through."
"What the fuck did you think groveling meant?"
At that, he fell silent. "I figured I'd be on dish duty for like the rest of eternity since you fucking hate that chore. I imagined I'd be on fetching coffee for the end of your shift for like months. Thought I might try flowers or something once a week. Massages. Shit like that."
Jack blinked. "What?"
"Probably a lot of open communication too. You know telling you that I love you all the time. Pointing out that I know I'm a fool anytime you're like particularly angry. That's what I was thinking."
"Michael."
"Just, fuck, Jack."
"Fuck, Michael," he retorted. "What the fuck is this?"
He lowered himself down slowly. His knees definitely protesting the movement, but fuck, if he could survive not doing it. He hated himself too much not to. "Jack, please."
"Michael," his voice was low and warning.
"Look when I took off and I did my normal running away from anything that mattered, you told me that I could do whatever. And I know, I fucking know I took advantage of those words. I know that I flaunted my affairs in front of your face. Okay, I know that."
"Uhuh."
"But when we did all of this, and the fight was fresh in our minds, and I was slamming fucking divorce papers down on our kitchen table, you told me that wasn't how this was going to work. You told me that I could take off my ring and be a bastard all I wanted, but you weren't going to leave me. You promised me forever, and you fucking meant it. You weren't going to let me run so far you couldn't follow."
"I remember," Jack replied softly.
"I was so livid. I was so very livid. But before I could storm out of the door, you stopped me. You told me when I was ready to stop running, I had to put back on my ring, and you'd take care of the rest. I have the ring, Jack. I don't know what else to do."
Jack growled low in the back of his throat. "Start by getting off your fucking knees. They're probably killing you."
"Worth it," Robby replied easily. He did, however force himself to stand back up on his shaking legs. He had to throw an arm out to stabilize himself as his knees protested greatly by popping repeatedly.
"Stubborn fool," Jack muttered. He stepped forward right into Michael's personal space, forcing the man to reckon with the closeness. "You want me to tell you want to do."
Robby fell forward, so his head was connected to Jack's shoulder. He was half expecting to be pushed away, and instead he got a gentle hand on the back of his neck, keeping him in place. "God, yes, Jack. I fucked up, and I don't know what to do now. I took the first step, please help me."
"And you're sorry for all the fucking heartbreak you decided to put me through when you were busy and being scared."
"Yes, of course."
Jack sighed. "Tomorrow, when you have your shift, and then I have my next one that night, you are going to demand Gloria give us both a week off. God knows we both have the banked hours, and she owes us."
"Yeah, course."
"I'm going to make us dinner while you shower off the hospital."
"Okay…"
"We're not dealing with much of our personal shit until that week off, because you do have groveling to do, and I will walk you through those steps. But fuck, I'm not spending another day without you, got it?"
"Yeah, Jack. I feel the same. I don't want another day without you."
"Good. We'll eat, and then you're going to bed. I'm coming in there with you because you always sleep better when I'm with you. I'll do my fucking journal reading in bed."
"Jack," Robby breathed out.
"In the morning, you will go into your shift, and we will work everything else out on our week off."
"Jack," he repeated a bit more urgently.
"Yeah?"
"I love you," Robby whispered. "I said it in the email. I haven't said it to your face yet."
"You fucking fool of a man. I love you too." Jack cupped the bottom of his chin and pulled his face up to stare into his eyes. "I love you too. And we're going to be fine. We'll take a week. We'll recalibrate. We'll come back stronger."
"How do you have so much faith?"
Jack laughed. "Because love conquers all."
"Sap," Robby teased. He pulled out of the grip and rolled his shoulders. "Shower, food, bed. That's all."
"That's all."
"Just sleep in the bed."
Jack barked out a laugh. "Oh, definitely. You're going to earn your way back into my bed and good graces with that. You're going to suffer beautifully for me."
"And you'll forgive me at the end of it?"
Jack's laughter didn't stop, in fact it did the opposite getting louder and louder. Until finally, he leaned forward into Michael's face again. He set a hand on Michael's cheek. "Brother, I forgave you as you were doing it. I made the choice again and again to forgive you. I would have taken the ring off and brought in the papers if I didn't forgive you. This is more about resetting ourselves. You're forgiven already. You don't have to worry about that."
Somehow that was the thing that broke him. Not the way the email had or the desperate search for a ring that hadn't seen his finger in a decade, no the easy forgiveness. As if Jack had already come to the conclusion that he was going to regret. And Jack had already made it a point to not make it a deal breaker.
He sobbed.
Jack caught him before he could fall. "Woah, Michael. Take a breath there." He coached Robby through breathing exercises until the panic died down. He held him through it all.
Once Robby was calm, Jack forced them into deep eye contact again. "Tell me what the hell set that off," he demanded. There was no give in those words. Michael would give in or Jack would force him.
"I just…I thought I'd have to spend the rest of my life earning your forgiveness."
"I told you when you left, whatever you needed. I didn't really think it would be a string of relationships that you never connected with, but maybe it was. It led you back to me in the end, so I was partially right and partially wrong."
"You're too good for me."
"No, brother, I'm not. I am a deeply impulsive man. I volunteer for SWAT missions and get shot at even after losing a leg because I can't go without the rush of a near death experience anymore. I risk you losing me on bad shifts, because the sunrise is what drags me back to stable each time."
Michael swallowed. "But that's a part of you."
"Part of us," he corrected. He shrugged. "We're both damaged, and we learned long ago our jagged edges lined up." He pressed a soft kiss to Michael's cheek. "So stop panicking about the stupid stuff."
Robby got it then. Jack wasn't going to hold this against him. He was going to fix all of it. All Robby ever had to do was ask and Jack would give him the world. He wasn't asking for the world. Debatable whether he would ever ask for the world, but he would ask for help. He needed his husband to remind him that they were here, they were together, and they mattered together. "Thank you."
He headed off towards the shower in a townhouse that they had custom built. He stood under the good water pressure and let the last of his tension fade out of his body. He washed off the hospital and for the first time in forever, he realized that he was safe again. He didn't think about the roof or a long ride off a cliff on a bike. He thought about the comforts of their bed and a home cooked meal.
He came out of the bathroom to the scent of stroganoff, and he knew once more that Jack really loved him. This was his favorite comfort meal. He wrapped his arm around Jack as he stepped into their kitchen. "You love me."
"I do."
Michael dug down the plates, and they crashed on the couch with their plates. The latest hockey match easy to pull up on the TV. Both of them more passively watching than actually caring about the score or the game. It wasn't their team, and the results didn't matter.
He cleared the plates once they were done eating, despite the glare that Jack leveled at him. He had standards, if his husband cooked, then by god he was going to clean up the dishes and kitchen. He would not be some slob even if a quick look in the mirror clearly showed he looked like a man in the middle of some manic panic. Shocking, given that he felt more relaxed than ever, but he supposed the last few days took their toll on his body.
When he was done, Jack led him into the bedroom. He pulled down the covers and pushed Michael into his usual spot. He got his tablet and charger all set up for a night of reading.
Then, in a move that they didn't usually do, Jack pulled Michael to be pressed flush to him. "Is your alarm set? You might crash hard, and I don't want to have to promise to be awake at the right time."
"Yeah."
"Good."
Michael rolled his eyes. "You know you could easily set one too."
"Then, I have to get up and stop it and get you up," Jack retorted.
"As if you aren't getting up with me tomorrow to see me off for my shift."
Jack snorted. "I see you're getting comfortable again."
"You told me to," Michael said dryly. "I trust you."
True to what Michael had believed, Jack did get up out of the bed with him. He made sure that Michael had real food to put in his locker and ate a real breakfast alongside his coffee. He also gave a kiss goodbye.
Then, he promptly rearranged the house. He picked up his shit from the communal spaces that used to be for the both of them. He dug Michael's trashy crime novels out of their hiding places and back onto the regular shelves. He made sure their photos were back out.
By the time he was done making their house back into a shared location between them, it was later than he usually wanted for sleep going into a shift. Oh well, he'd done a full night shift on a three hour nap before. Five hours would be better than that.
He headed towards the hospital. He was a bit surprised that both Ellis and Shen were waiting for him in the garage. They had come in as a team before, but usually on a shift where hell was waiting. "Please tell me I did not miss a memo that we're in deep shit already."
"No," Shen confirmed. "I was just wanting to check whether you wanted me to do hand off today."
"Nope," Jack said. "I always text you if I'm running late and need you to cover."
"What he means, boss, is that we have some information from the nurses and we think it might be beneficial to your mental health and by virtue of you being head attending of the night shift, our mental health for you to not interact with Dr. Robby today."
Jack bit his cheek in an effort to not scream. Of course, the nurses were going to meddle. They could never hold back. He pushed past Ellis and Shen and stalked into the open hospital doors.
He caught the glare Dana leveled at Shen for apparently not stopping him, and she stood to block his way. He stared her down.
"He's wearing the ring still, Abbot. You can let Shen handle all of this bullshit. None of us will lose respect for you."
"My husband wearing his wedding ring," Jack repeated. "Oh, the horror." Then, he side stepped her. He walked with purpose up to Michael. He placed a warning hand on the back of his neck.
Michael leaned into the touch. Apparently whatever rule used to exist about PDA and keeping at least some of their private life away from the hospital was gone along with his instinct to run. Jack couldn't help but feel pride soar through him that they'd come this far. Ten years in the end wasn't a large enough price tag that he wouldn't pay it gladly for this.
He leaned up and captured Michael's lips in a claiming kiss. He wanted the staff of both shifts to see, and if the squeals and gasps were anything to go by, he got exactly what he wanted. The rumor mill of this hospital would ensure no one questioned his marriage to his face anytime soon. He did hope one of the kids asked him how long they'd been married because he was going to have a fantastic time fucking with them in regards to that. He loved being able to fuck with them.
Michael chuckled lightly. "Needed to stake a claim there, brother?"
"You know it."
"Want me to run you through the board?"
"You betcha. You have a bed to go crash in and a meal in the fridge. I'm expecting to be off cooking duty for the whole of our week off."
"Gloria says she'll get us one by the end of the month. That good enough for you, or do you need me to push her a bit more?"
"Good enough," Jack replied.
"What the fuck?" Dana recovered enough to ask. "I was here when the two of you went through your separation."
Michael blinked. "Dana, my husband and I are not separated."
Jack laughed under his breath. "I never took off my ring, Dana. Did you think there was nothing weird about that?"
"You weren't living in the same house anymore," she screamed.
Robby shrugged. "Don't know what you want to hear, Dana. We aren't separated anymore."
Dana inhaled harshly. "Jack, you owe me fucking dinner for this."
"Sure." He dug out his wallet, fished out a hundred dollar bill, and passed it over. "Here you go."
Dana sharply nodded.
Robby leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss against Jack's cheek. Then, the two of them were back to professional. The only clue that existed that they weren't just best friends and doctors was the fact that Robby's arm was thrown around Jack's shoulders, and Jack's was across Robby's waist. Other than that hand off was the same as always.
As it turned out, the month was very necessary to get coverage. While Collins had graduated from being an R4 and thus was qualified as an attending to cover him for a week, she also had plans to leave the hospital soon. So Gloria was hoping to fill the position first. That did not happen for numerous reasons, and really the backfill came in the form of some of the newbies being willing to take up doubles in return for the experience and Robby's word he'd help them out with recommendation letters later.
Jack lounged peacefully the night after his last shift. Robby had one more which was hilarious given the usual choice for starting a vacation on a morning. He wasn't going to begrudge anything. He had already turned off his police scanner and flat out told everyone that they weren't to be bothered unless they were dying. And by they, he meant someone he cared about. The world could go to hell this week, and he wasn't giving it up.
Robby barrelled into their house. He had a look in his eyes that spelled trouble.
Jack was fully ready to start a fight if he had to, but he was going to be pissed off having to do this when this was supposed to be their reset. "All good, Michael?"
"Fucking Gloria tried to get me to agree to have her number ring through on my private line for this fucking week. I had to get HR involved to get her to back down. Seriously, I know I hold this department together often, but for the love of everything I am one man. Learn to hold it together for a bit of time, so I can have a fucking break. I am not a machine. I have emotions and breakdowns like anyone else."
Jack's tension deflated. A work related problem, he could handle. This was nothing they hadn't weathered together for ages. He was used to needing to calm down Robby from his anger. This time, Robby was right to be pissed.
Michael glanced at him. "Shit, you think it was about you?"
"Can you blame me?" Jack asked rhetorically.
"I guess not." He crossed the floor and dramatically flopped against Jack. "But I won't freak out on you like that again. I fucking learned my lesson. You're the one I want when it's you and me against the whole damn world. Swear."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. The bad days got really bad, and you're the one who pulled me back off the ledge with no issue."
Jack chuckled. "Well, the good news is that we've got a whole week to ourselves."
"Yeah, what's your plan? I know you've got one."
"Oh, do you?"
Michael twisted and buried himself into Jack's chest. "Don't tease, please."
Jack immediately ran a calming hand down Michael's back. "You're right that was mean of me. Do you want to know the plan or do you want to just be along for the ride?"
Michael thought about it. On one hand, he did like the idea of completely giving up control to Jack and saying that they were going to do whatever the man wanted this time. On the other hand, this was probably going to verge closer to a reckoning than to a normal scene with his husband.
He bit his lip. "Tell me this time, please."
"So polite tonight, hmm?"
"Jack…"
"Yeah, baby?"
"Fuck," Michael muttered. He pushed his head further into Jack's body. "Just, whatever you've got in store for me, I plan on taking it with as much poise as I can. You know proving to the both of us that I'm in this."
Jack snorted. "I was going to ask for a number. How many people exactly did you drag into our marital bed figuratively while you were busy figuring shit out?"
"17," Michael answered easily. He didn't spare a glance towards Jack, he didn't want to know if that number was higher or lower than what the other man was expecting. He didn't want to find out that this was actually a problem now that a real number was attached.
Jack whistled. "Guess, I'm definitely spreading this out over multiple sessions, I don't actually want you to need to safe word out because I've lost the plot of reasonable or you know giving yourself a heart attack in an attempt to appease me."
"What?"
"I was planning on wringing that many orgasms out of you to reclaim you as mine. But 17, oof, brother. I can get that done in a week, but you're going to be a mess by the end of it."
Michael laughed. He burrowed into the cuddles being offered. "But your mess, yeah? You'll patch me up before sending me off to work."
"Of fucking course."
"Then, up to you how many sessions and how badly I'm sobbing at the end of each one. You're the one in control, and I know you know how to draw dry orgasms out of me, even while I'm begging against it. And I know full well that you know my safe word, and I know better than to power through a scene just because I've got some guilt. You beat that out of me back when we first got together."
"Oh, yeah. When you looked me dead in the eye during negotiation and said you had no limits and weren't going to need a safe word. I took you to task for that bullshit."
"In my defense, I hadn't considered half of what you threw at me that day. You were like a fucking machine coming up with insane scenarios."
Jack rolled his eyes. Then, he considered something for a second. "Can we keep talking about those 17 others for a moment?"
"Course." Michael twisted to catch Jack's eyes with his own. "You can ask me anything. I will tell you everything if that's what you want. Or we can keep it vague. I don't care."
"You don't?"
"You deserve every piece of me, Jack. And you've just got to ask what you want to know."
"You ever submit to any of them like you did to me?"
Michael blinked. Then, he started laughing. "God, no. Just regular vanilla sex that usually left me feeling empty even when they were having the time of their lives."
"You're fucking serious?"
"Yeah, I fucking am." He breathed out. "Listen, the first time I found someone that wasn't you, I was genuinely trying to be the shittiest person I could possibly be to prove that there was a line I could cross that you wouldn't forgive me for. I'm not even sure my goal was to actually enjoy the sex as get the act done."
"You're a dumbass."
"No shit."
"And the others?"
Michael shrugged. "I'd get lonely and convince myself for one reason or another that the fight we were in didn't have a solution, so rather than come to you, I'd find someone else to take home and pretend that I could possibly love."
"One of them was a resident of ours," Jack pointed out.
"Came the closest to succeeding with her," Michael admitted. "She was the only one who initiated instead of me pursuing her. She had a no nonsense attitude like you."
"So what broke that? What stopped you from loving her?"
"The first time I tried to explain some of my issues about abandonment and suicide and the whole lot of it, she just looked at me and told me that was for a therapist." He rolled his eyes. "Tried to convince myself we could make it work, but that was a mistake. I know she'd never stick around for the worst of my moments."
"You probably should have a therapist."
Michael stared at Jack for a second. Then, he chuckled lightly. "Yeah,I know that. But my partner also has got to help with me with this shit, or I'm going to crash and burn. So tell me, Jack, are you telling me that I should talk this out with only the therapist and never you?"
"Fuck no. You ever get all up in your head again, you come to me and you spill your fucking guts. I'll tell you how fucking dumb you're being."
Robby nodded. "Good. Also, because Dana and the rest of the nurses have been on my ass about saying this to you, I hope you know that I am forever thankful that you're taking my ass back."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Was my passionate claiming kiss in the middle of the ER not enough to stop the gossiping hens for trying to say that our marriage is on the rocks from past problems?"
Robby threw his head back. He groaned. "God, I wish it had done that. No, Dana is under the impression that I was the literal worst if this was all going to end up back to by your side, and that there is not enough good will in the world to actually earn your forgiveness and this is going to end in hell fire."
"I'll talk to her."
"She's my friend."
"And we used to be close before we separated and she took your side, evidently on false pretenses. Somehow she thought this was ever going to end with me kicking you away."
"You angry?"
"At you? No."
"At Dana?" Michael corrected.
"Oh, kind of."
"Why?"
"Because she never sought out my side of this divorce. She side eyed me every time she realized I was still wearing the ring, and yet she never asked. Not once did she wonder about why I was being such an asshole about not presenting the papers."
"Oh, yeah, I guess that would be shitty of someone that you thought was once your friend as well."
"Exactly. Don't worry though, I won't break your very favorite charge nurse."
"Thank you."
Jack ran a hand down Michael's arm. "That was my plan."
"Hmm, the 17 orgasms in 7 days on a man well into his 50s by now, sound plan. Why'd you say was?"
"Because fucking hell, that seems mean."
Michael raised an eyebrow. He propped himself up on one arm and stared into Jack's eyes. "You love being mean sometimes. Make a proper mess of me, what's up?"
Jack twisted his hands. "It's been ten years, Michael. Maybe I want to love you and not spend time on a scene that makes me channel all the negative emotions I had over those ten years. I can do that sometime in the future when I've channeled all my love right now."
"What changed?"
"I really didn't think that you were suffering most of those ten years. You usually made sure to seem happy with your partners in public."
Michael's face fell. His eyes squeezed shut. "I was breaking apart on the inside, Jack. I was a fucking idiot."
Jack cupped his face and tilted his head up until his eyes opened and they were staring directly at each other. "Yeah, let me show you what you were missing, yeah?"
Then, once he got the nod of consent, he leaned forward and dragged them into a loving kiss. He licked into Michael's mouth, and he slowly claimed the man. He half expected for Michael to push for more action. Instead, the man leaned into the kiss at every opportunity and gave full control to Jack.
Jack pulled back after a few minutes, so the two of them could breathe more normally. His hand still rested on Michael's face, and he melted into the gentle touch. "Seriously, Michael, what happened to the guy who pushed and pushed until I go faster?"
"Jack," Michael breathed out. "As long as I'm getting you touching me, I don't think I'm ever going to complain again in my life."
"See, that right there makes me want to be mean," Jack teased.
"Be mean, be sweet, be loving. I don't care," Michael said. "I just need you. You and me, that's all I need apparently."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Took you so damn long to figure out something so simple."
"I figured it out, though."
"Thank God for that." Jack stepped off the couch and held out a hand for Michael. "Come on, bedroom."
"You're sure?"
To be honest, Jack wasn't sure. His original plan had been to work Michael up and over the first orgasm on this couch. Then, he was going to drag them both to the bedroom. He was going to be the dominant that Michael remembered. But then, he saw Michael's energy.
The bratty little thing that he remembered wasn't the same man standing in front of him now. This man was deeply in love and submissive to Jack's whims. Eventually, Jack would draw him back out of his shell. He followed behind the taller man into their bedroom.
He crawled into the bed, in his normal side and started working on his prosthetic after a quick stripping of his clothes. While there were times when he didn't mind having his leg on during sex, this was not one of those times. This time, he'd really prefer to be in his own skin for this, and the leg didn't always help with keeping him grounded in the moment.
Michael's hands traveled over the stump as he sat next to Jack. He pressed his fingers into the muscle there, causing Jack to moan. "Can I?"
Jack blinked. "Can you what, sweetheart?"
Michael side eyed him. Then, he dug his fingers into the pressure point right there on his capped off knee. "A massage, bring you some peace."
"I would like to fuck you, Michael. In case that wasn't clear."
"Fuck me after. Hell, make love to me after, that's what you wanted. Just let me give you some pleasure first, please, Jack."
"There's that magic word again," Jack teased. However, he leaned back to settle on his elbows. "Go ahead, Mikey, you can touch me as much as you want for a while."
Michael grinned. He moved his other hand and started working on the muscle. He followed the punched out sounds and moans as he worked up the man's legs. He spent a bit of time on his thigh, before moving down the other leg.
He could have tried to see whether he might get lucky by trying his luck on Jack's dick, but he wanted his husband to choose all of that. His attention was on the sore muscles in his legs, the overworked muscles that he used at times.
Jack pushed at Michael's shoulder once his legs felt closer to jello than steady. "Come up here, Mikey."
Michael braced his arms on either side of his husband and pressed up against his chest. "Yes, sir," he teased.
Jack rolled his eyes. He brought their lips together. "Lay down for me, sweetheart."
Michael stretched out as he laid down on the bed. He felt Jack start tugging his pants down, so while he was busy, he busied himself with tugging off his shirt. He threw it off to the ground and ignored the huffing laugh that Jack gave him. His pants now fully off, along with his underwear. Both of which were tossed to the actual hamper they had for scrubs and other hospital attire.
Jack trailed his hands across Michael's body. "Such a good boy for me, aren't you? You made sure to lay down on your stomach, presenting that ass for me."
"You said you wanted to fuck me. This is the better positioning."
"I would have managed one way or another." Jack reached over to the bedside table and dragged open one of the drawers. He found the lube and slammed the drawer back closed. Then, he hesitated. His plan had been to fuck his husband raw.
"What's wrong?" Michael asked, his words ever so slightly slurring. "I know when you're pausing."
"You're clean, right?"
"Fuck, yeah, Jack. Never took any of them but Collins raw, and I got tested after we broke it off."
Jack swallowed. "Right, yeah. Thanks."
Michael twisted his head back to stare at Jack. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I was being an absolute idiot."
Jack maneuvered himself carefully to be laying on top of Michael's back. His chest pressed firm against that solid back. His dick not fully hardened rocking against Michael's ass cheeks. He kissed the back of Michael's neck, full and completely.
"Jack?"
"I love you. It's forgiven. I just needed to check because I really wanted to fuck you raw, and if I wasn't going to be able to do that, I really needed to know before I started opening you up for my cock."
The punched out noise that escaped Michael's mouth was telling. He'd bet money on the fact Michael hadn't expected to hear that he was forgiven again. He had said it during the first night together, and then they hadn't talked about it.
He kissed his husband's neck again, before pushing himself back up into a straddling position with his good leg holding the brunt of his weight. He trailed a hand down Michael's spine.
"Jack," Michael said desperately. "I love you too."
"I know," he teased softly. He popped the bottle cap and squeezed some of the lube on his fingers. He rubbed them together to warm up the liquid, because while cold lube and the intense pressure to get inside someone as quickly as possible could be hot, this was not for that.
Once he got the liquid warmed up, he trailed a finger to Michael's hole. He trailed around the hole and watched Michael fight his urges to buck up. Evidently his husband had not been stretching the truth when he said he was going to be obedient.
Michael flexed his arms against the bed. He swallowed harshly. "Jack," he pleaded, his voice thin.
"Did you want something, dear?"
"Please," he whimpered.
Jack laughed under his breath. He pressed his finger flat against his husband's hole. Enough to clearly exert pressure, but not enough to actually enter his husband. "But I wanted to take my time," he said with a smirk on his face.
Michael buried his head into the pillow in front of him. He groaned loudly. Then, he turned to the side for better breathing. "Whatever you want, Jack."
Jack's chuckles grew. "I'm going to make you eat those words, I hope you know."
"God, I know."
Jack paused. Not exactly the response, he had anticipated, but a good one. An answer that deserves a response. He pressed one finger fully into his husband. He was mostly playing, but every now and then, he'd brush up against his husband's prostate.
He watched as Michael ground his hips into the bed underneath them, then stilled again. His body was lax underneath his hands. He wasn't pushing for more, he wasn't begging. He was allowing Jack to set the pace and determine how this will go.
He pulled his finger out, added a touch more lube to his fingers and pushed in with both of them. "Going to need you to make a decision soon, brother."
"
What do you need?" Michael asked his words fully slurring.
Jack crooked his fingers to play with Michael's prostate, hearing the loud moan that it got him. He did it again just for good measure. "I've properly abandoned my plan of wringing 17 orgasms from you in the span of a week. But I do need to know whether you want me to deny you the ability to come while I'm busy playing with your pretty ass or whether you want the possibility of a second orgasm when I finally get in you."
"Fuck me," Michael grunted.
Jack twitched his fingers again against his prostate. "That was decidedly not an answer."
"Is you choose an option?" Michael questioned.
"Fuck, Mikey. Seriously?"
"If you're willing, yeah."
Jack rolled his eyes. He used his free hand to squeeze at the hip of his husband. "I'm always willing to take control, dear. You're usually the one fighting me every step of the way."
"Not now," Michael whined.
Jack flicked his fingers just to change that whine into a high pitch keen. He didn't like the way the whine reminded him of a bratty version of his husband. He did however love the way Michael's hands flailed for purchase on the sheets until he could grip them harder.
Jack pulled back his fingers. He pressed back in with three fingers this time. He was mostly just taking his time. His dick had fully hardened against Michael's leg as he teases his husband. He was careful to pull back from the prostate anytime his husband got close to the finish line.
If Michael had asked for a bit of overstimulation, he would have done so happily, but left to his own devices, he'd rather ensure that his husband come around his cock. So, he was mostly just keeping him on edge and seeing whether or not he could get his husband to plead again. Since his husband had decided to leave it all up to him.
Michael's hips started doing micro thrusts against the sheets. Nothing close to giving him enough friction to come, but enough that Jack can clearly see the desperation. However, a hand on just the center of his back, not even exerting pressure yet, caused him to still his hips. A low sob ripped from his throat.
Jack froze. "Mikey, can you give me a color?"
"Green," he mumbled. "Why?"
"Wasn't exactly intending to get you to crying here, brother. Plan was to see how long you'd last before you begged me again."
Michael huffed out a ghost of a laugh. "You're going to get me crying ugly before you get the other today. Maybe not all days, but today definitely."
Jack cursed under his breath. He had a wide variety of language to choose from. If there was one thing the military was good for, it was expanding the amount of words you could learn for when things went to shit. He wrapped a hand around Robby's waist and tugged him backwards.
Michael moved with the request, shifting backwards onto his knees and propping himself further up. "Jack," he breathed out.
Jack's fingers were gone from his ass, and he was pouring the cool lube on his cock. So much for his well intended plan for this to be a slow session that never had any spur of the moment actions. Because trust Michael to have some issue with not being tortured and being loved instead.
If he ever needed to analyze with his therapist, why he was so willing to forgive Michael's infidelity, he was going to point to this. The self flagellation that Michael did all the time was more than enough punishment. And the fact he ran had more to do with being convinced that he didn't deserve anything good, then it had to do with not loving Jack.
He slipped the tip of his dick into the slightly gaping hole and paused. He could control his body's impulses. "Yes?"
Michael's breath hitched. "Jack," he whimpered.
"I'm right here."
That got another punched out noise, and then Michael fell backwards. His hips sunk towards Jack's and impaled himself on Jack's dick. His back landed in Jack's chest and he stayed there, skin to skin. "Please, hold me. Touch me. Ground me. Just please."
Jack moved. He rocked his hips forward, he wrapped one arm up and around to settle against his chest, right above his heart. The other hand he moved to Michael's dick. "We're doing this together, got that, Mikey?"
"Anything you want."
Jack started doing small thrusts. Both of them were pent up, both of them were heavily emotional. Michael's hole started clenching around him as his strokes brought him closer to completion.
They fell over that climax together. Jack's load spilling inside of Michael, and Michael's come landing across his stomach and onto the bedsheets. He dropped down to the bed once he had come. He tucked Michael into his chest. "Give me a minute before I get up to deal with cleaning you up and the bedsheets."
Michael laughed into his abs where his head ended up buried. "I love you, you ridiculous man."
"Don't lie. You don't want to wake up with dried come in your chest hair and a wet spot on the bed."
Michael's laughter continued. Light and bright, something that had been sorely missed over the last ten years. He pushed himself up. "You don't even have both legs right now. You're not getting up."
Jack watched as Michael started dealing with their mess. And he realized exactly what Michael had meant about groveling too. He wasn't intending on using his words. He wasn't a big words guy, but he'd grovel in small actions. In the way that Jack wouldn't be doing dishes, possibly for ages. In the way that even in scenes where he was the top and dominant party, he wouldn't need to drag himself back off the bed to fix the mess. And he was sure in a million other small actions along the way too.
And he'd never felt more loved. Yes, his husband had done unspeakable acts to him. But, his husband knew exactly how to make him remember that they knew all of each other. "I love you," he said to the empty room.
Michael's head popped out from around the bathroom doorframe, a stupid smile on his face, that Jack hadn't seen in ages. "I love you too."
Yeah, Jack was hopelessly in love with this man. And the start of their forever was a bit later than he thought given when he had taken his vows to forever, but he wouldn't change a thing. Not if it got him this in the end.