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Eurylochus was pacing. Back and forth and back and forth, because if he stopped moving he might actually fall to the floor and not get up again and that was unacceptable because the crew were relying on him, and only him, because-
Because-
He looked at Odysseus. The bandages layered over his stab wound were red. He was still losing blood, but at least he was unconscious now. At least he couldn’t make things worse for himself. Or them.
Eurylochus paced to the other end of the cabin. They had no heading, no direction, just a single bird flying off into the distance and a hope that they would see land at some point.
“I can’t believe you knew and didn’t say anything. You knew where we were heading and you didn’t- you should have told us. You should have told us where we were going, and you should have let us decide who-”
Eurylochus cut himself off and paced to the other end of the cabin. His breaths trembled in his chest.
“We would have understood. I- I would have understood. But no, you just decided-” Eurylochus took a deep breath. “You made me choose. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I gave the torches to the men who looked the most scared, the ones who needed something to do while we traveled. I was trying to help them, and you- you made me-”
He paced to the other end of the cabin.
“And as if that weren’t enough, you fought me! You pulled your fucking sword on me! You refused to back down, you refused to accept that no one was going to follow you after you sacrificed our own so freely! You-!”
Eurylochus threw his arms up and paced to the other end of the cabin. His vision was blurring a little. He ignored it.
“How could you think we would accept that?! You killed us, and you didn’t even tell us why! You- you-” Eurylochus’ breaths came out ragged now. “You gave up on us. You gave up on all of us. You decided that any price was acceptable so long as you got home. You abandoned-!”
Odysseus moaned softly, and Eurylochus was instantly at his side, checking him over. He was pale, but not getting much paler. He hadn’t woken up.
“I could strangle Perimedes. He’s lucky I haven’t bound him and kept him below deck. That blow could have killed you. It’s a gods-damned miracle that it hasn’t already. Who thinks stabbing someone is good conflict de-escalation?! He could have knocked you down, he could have hit your head, he could have disarmed you, but no, he went straight for a killing blow and barely avoided…”
Eurylochus dropped his head, pressing his hands to his face as his breathing got faster and more ragged.
“You almost died. You are dying, and I can’t stop it. Gods, I started it. I just-”
He looked at Odysseus. His king. His captain. He carefully grabbed Odysseus’ hand and held it, feeling just how chilled Odysseus’ flesh had become. He wasn’t going to last. He was going to die, all because Eurylochus had lashed out instead of trying to talk.
“Did you know?” he asked softly, pressing his forehead to the back of Odysseus’ hand, “Did you figure out that we were never going to make it home? Is that what this was? Were you trying to whittle us down so that we could die believing there was a point to this all? Were… were you trying to be kind?”
Odysseus did not respond. He lay in his cot, breathing shallow, body slowly losing its vitality one heartbeat at a time. Eurylochus sighed. It sounded more like a sob.
“Please don’t die,” he whispered, “Not like this. Not before we can talk again. We’re all going to die, I know, but I need- I need to talk to you again. I need you to know that I don’t blame you. Not- not the way I claimed to. I need to make sure you know that you are still my brother, and I still love you. I still love you.”
Eurylochus moved his head to kiss Odysseus’ hand, then clutched it to his chest.
“Hold on for me. I… I don’t want…” Eurylochus sobbed. “I don’t want to say goodbye to your corpse. I want to say it to you. Hold on, and wake up as soon as you’re able, okay? You have… you have to hold on that long. You owe me. You owe me that much.”
Odysseus didn’t move. He didn’t react. He didn’t wake. Eurylochus felt tears roll down his cheeks.
“Thanatos, Hermes, please, give him one more waking,” he whispered, “Before you come for us all, please, let me speak to him one last time. Don’t take him so soon. Let him hold on that long.”
Eurylochus wasn’t a pious man, even less so after everything they’d been through, but it made him feel slightly better to pretend someone was listening to his pleas. He had nothing else to rely on, now.