Work Text:
Ilya:
Shane
Shaneeeeee
Love of my life beautiful husband that I love so much
Shane:
No
Ilya:
You don’t even know what I was gonna say
Shane:
I do and the answer is no
Ilya:
:(
Is emergency
Please
Shane:
No, we made a deal
Ilya:
Stupid deal!!
Just one
Pretty please with sugar on top🥺
Shane:
We made a deal. No cigarettes no matter what
Ilya:
We should make new deal
I get one cigarette, you get one blowjob
Good deal, yes?😏
Shane:
No
Ilya:
I will eat your ass
Shane:
No
Ilya:
I will fuck you however you want
Shane:
You do all that anyway
Ilya:
Ugh
Fine
I will drink your gross smoothie
Shane:
It’s not gross! it’s just spinach and it’s good for you
Way better than cigarettes
Ilya:
I am prisoner in my own home
---
Ilya:
WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME
Shane:
?
Ilya:
YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME
Shane:
I don’t understand?
Ilya:
YOUR NEW COMMERCIAL
Shane:
I told you I was shooting for Rayban?
Ilya:
YES BUT YOU DID NOT TELL ME YOU WERE IN LITTLE TINY SHORTS ON THE BEACH
WET
IN SLOW MOTION
Shane:
Well it’s a summer collection so I guess that’s why we shot it on the beach
They really wanted to catch the sun reflection in the glasses
Ilya:
SHANE I AM NOT LOOKING AT THE GLASSES
Shane:
Why are you yelling?
Ilya:
BECAUSE YOUR ASS IS WET IN SLOW MOTION AND MY DICK IS HARD
YOUR THIGHS🤤🤤
Shane:
Oh
Well, I’m almost home
They gave the shorts to me after the shoot. Do you want me to wear them?
Ilya:
YES
---
Shane:
On my way! Picking you up in 20
Ilya:
Drive slow we are busy
Shane:
We?
Ilya:
Yes me and David are watching our show
Shane:
…Your show?
Ilya:
Columbo
Shane:
The detective guy?
You watch old detective shows with my dad?
Ilya:
Yes, we are almost done with season 2
Shane:
Since when?
Ilya:
Since you are always doing boring commercials or boring meetings for boring commercials
He gives me vodka too, is nice
He appreciates good vodka unlike you
Shane:
Whatever I guess my dad can just drop you off then
Ilya:
??
Are you jealous of David?
When are you coming Columbo is finished
Shane?
---
Shane:
I need to ask you something
Ilya:
Yes my pretty omega?♥️🐺
Shane:
Why are you calling me a greek letter of the alphabet?
Ilya:
Is not greek
Is wolf🐺
The fans are saying you are my omega and I am your alpha
Shane:
What?
Oh my god did you read more fanfiction
Ilya:
😈
Shane:
I told you not to read that!
Ilya:
But is hot!
You were being all sexy begging for my knot😏
Shane:
Knot? You can barely tie your shoes
Ilya:
🫤rude
No my alpha knot
Shane:
What is that?
Ilya:
My big throbbing cock, Shane
Shane:
Gross
People are writing stories about that?
Ilya:
Yes
Shane:
Ilya that’s weird don’t read that
Ilya:
Don’t call me Ilya call me alpha
Shane:
No
Ilya:
Why not?
Shane:
Because you’re not a wolf?
And it’s weird
Ilya:
I am wolf
Big sexy strong alpha
Awooooo🐺
---
Shane:
I’m gonna fucking strangle you
Ilya:
😍😍hot
Shane:
I’m serious!
Ilya:
Mmm hands🤤
Shane:
I fucking hate you
You left hickies all along my thighs the guys asked me if I’d been beaten up!
Ilya:
Well they should not be looking at your thighs in the first place
Shane:
Kind of hard not to in the locker room
And I had to explain that I’m not a victim of domestic violence and they all laughed at me
Ilya:
You have beautiful thighs i understand why they are jealous
They all have little skinny chicken legs no one wants to put hickies on them
Shane:
Not the point.
---
Shane:
What do you want for dinner?
Ilya:
I can choose?
Shane:
Yes
Ilya:
🤩
Burger with fries
With real buns not like last time
Shane:
Not burger choose something else
Ilya:
🤨
Fine
Big juicy steak😋
Shane:
No, something else
Ilya:
Why did you tell me to choose when you just say no?
Shane:
Rose said I should involve you more in the kitchen
She said I’m a control freak
Ilya:
You are you always kick me out
Shane:
That’s because you eat all the ingredients before I can use them
Just choose something with vegetables at least
Ilya:
Big juicy steak with broccoli for you
Fries for me
Shane:
What about salmon and brown rice?
Ilya:
🙄
I’m calling Rose
---
Ilya:
What did you do to mini Shane?
Shane:
I don’t know what you’re talking about
Ilya:
Yes you do
Labubu-Shane, where is he
Shane:
Stop calling it that
I still don’t know what you’re talking about I never touch that thing
Ilya:
I left him on the nightstand and now he is gone you have taken him away from me
Shane:
No
Ilya:
Yes
You are bad liar
You have taken my Shane away from me
Shane:
I told you I didn’t want it in the bedroom
Ilya:
Ah so you admit you kidnapped him
Are you jealous of Labubu-Shane?
Shane:
I’m not jealous of a toy
Ilya:
Are you jealous because I called his freckles cute?
Shane:
You painted them on
Ilya:
And that made you jealous?
Shane:
I’m not jealous!
Ilya:
Ok so what did you do with him?
Shane:
Nothing
Ilya:
He can’t walk by himself
What did you do to him?
Shane I am calling police where is Labubu-Shane?
Shane:
Don’t call the police!
Ilya:
But my Shane is missing!
My human Shane kidnapped my Labubu-Shane!
Shane:
He might be in Anya’s toy basket…
Ilya:
YOU FEED HIM TO ANYA??
YOU TRIED TO KILL HIM
Shane:
No
I just thought Anya would like him better
Ilya:
I FOUND HIM HE IS ALIVE
But he has bite marks😭
Shane:
Just keep it out of the bedroom and I won’t give it to Anya
Ilya:
I am keeping him in bedroom and you are sleeping on the couch