Chapter Text
The roar of the buzzer echoes throughout the small arena and Jackie Taylor is on top of the world.
She turns her head in the direction of the scoreboard, just to make sure that the 3-1 victory is real, that it is something she is seeing with her own eyes. Her smile grows as it all sinks in, the years of grueling practices and training has finally paid off, her Wiskayok Yellowjackets are heading to Nationals.
She remains still in her place on the ice for a second longer, until the buzzer quiets, and the sounds of her teammates fill her ears.
“We’re going to Nationals!” Someone cheers as Jackie is pulled into the center of the celebration.
She looks up, finally looking at the joyous faces of the girls she had captained to this exact moment. This is what makes it worth it, she thinks to herself as she cheers with her team, all the long nights doubting her skills on and off the ice were worth it if it meant having this moment right now.
“Can you believe it?” a familiar voice asks from behind her. Shauna, of course it's Shauna, her voice is the only one Jackie would be able to distinguish in all this chaos.
Jackie turns around, and her breath catches as she finally meets the eyes of her best friend. With Yellow and Blue face paint running down her cheeks, Jackie swears this is the best Shauna has ever looked, she also swears she falls even more in love with her, if that was even possible.
“Honestly?” Jackie starts, “No, I really can’t.”
This makes Shauna laugh. God that laugh, hearing Shauna laugh beats hearing that victory-signaling buzzer only minutes ago, it beats any other sound Jackie has ever heard.
They stay like that, locked in each other's gazes, soaking in the energy around them. Jackie wants to stay here forever, on top of the world, looking into the eyes of the girl she’s been in love with since she was fourteen.
But as per usual, Jackie does not get what she wants. “Taylor! Shipman! Get over here!” she hears the voice of her Coach Bill calling out to them.
Just like that, the moment is over. Shauna skates away, and Jackie takes her place in between her alternate captains Taissa and Lottie, and smiles for the team photo.
“We have to celebrate” Van shouts as she unties her pads, “it’s tradition”
“Districts have only been a thing for like two seasons, there are literally no traditions” one of the younger girls on the team, Allie Stevens shoots back
“Okay, that means it's our job to start a tradition!” Van exclaims, “we have the day off tomorrow, there has to be a party”
Jackie stays focused on untying her skates, she doesn’t know if a party is the best idea seeing as they only have three weeks to prepare for nationals.
“Hey Jackie” Mari begins “Jeff’s in the lobby right? Why don’t you go ask him if he and Randy can arrange something for us?”
Right. Jeff’s here, her boyfriend’s here. He’s probably standing there, waiting to congratulate her alongside their parents.
Jackie knows deep down she has no true issue with Jeff, she just doesn’t love him. She doesn’t love him in the way a girl should love the guy she’s been dating since freshman year. What Jackie also knows is that deep down, Jeff doesn’t love her either. Both of them are just stuck in a relationship their parents had planned out from the moment they met.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll ask him” What kind of captain would she be if she disappointed the girls in this room.
Van lets out a cheer of celebration, high fives Melissa, then continues to take off her equipment.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea Jackie?” Taissa asks her “We have practice tomorrow”
Van gives her a disappointed look as Natalie speaks up, “Come on Tai, we literally just won a fucking championship, who cares about practice?”
Taissa rolls her eyes and sighs “Of course you’d say that, you’re always down to slack off”
Natalie scoffs and sticks up her middle finger, Van’s eyes bounce back and forth between her two closest friends
“Guys, stop. Jackie knows what’s best for us” Shauna steps in “if she didn’t think we could handle partying tonight and practicing tomorrow, she would say it”
Jackie appreciates Shauna standing up for her, but she doesn’t necessarily agree with that statement. Would she really say anything, or is she too focused on making sure the girls like her? Is Coach going to give Taissa her captaincy for Nationals if she lets them go to this party?
She shakes all of those thoughts out of her head, Coach would understand, he was once an athlete too, and what harm could one night of partying really cause?
“Practice isn’t until three, if everyone behaves I’m sure we’ll all be fine. Let me finish changing and then I’ll go talk to Jeff” Jackie declares.
“You played great today sweetheart” her mother grins as she turns from the passenger seat “I’m sure Bill is just so proud of you!”
She nods as she continues to stare at the houses they pass by through the window
“Would’ve been nice to see a goal” her dad announces as he taps his fingers against the steering wheel
And there it is. Someone has finally told her she screwed up today.
Of course her father conveniently forgets that it was Jackie who made that pass to Natalie in the dying minutes of the second period. That same pass led Natalie to score right through the five-hole of the opposing goaltender.
“Dad, I had an assist on the game winning goal, I think I did alright” Jackie mutters, eyes still not moving from the window.
“Do you think scouts are coming to watch the girl who constantly makes passes because she's too scared to shoot the fucking puck herself?” her father responds, raising his voice as he continues “You play this way at nationals and you’ll be handing that trailer-trash on your team a scholarship that should be yours!”
Oh, so he clearly does remember her game-winning assist
“Charles, she’s the captain of a winning team, no way any scouts will ignore her talent” her mom tries to stick up for her
“What scout would pay any attention to a captain who doesn’t have any confidence in herself?”
There's nothing Jackie can say to defend herself from her father. How do you defend yourself against someone when every single word they’ve said is true?
She doesn’t acknowledge her parents for the rest of the ride. Neither of them acknowledge her either.
The hot water spraying from her shower head feels like heaven as it falls against her skin.
Jeff had agreed to organize a party, of course he had, he and Randy would never pass up an opportunity to get drunk.
Jackie however, wasn’t as excited about this party as everyone else was, she thinks as she scrubs shampoo in her hair. It felt more like an obligation rather than something she was really looking forward to.
What Jackie was looking forward to was Shauna coming to pick her up in about an hour to take her to the party.
Usually, Jeff would drive Jackie to every party, it made sense, they were a couple, couples went to parties together. Tonight was different though, Jeff was helping Randy set everything up at his place, which meant she got to ask Shauna for a ride, and enjoy some extra alone time with her.
Alone time Jackie thinks and suddenly she’s feeling nervous. She’s been alone with Shauna before, of course she has, they’ve been friends since kindergarten.
Something about tonight just felt different. Since hearing that buzzer and looking into Shauna’s eyes, Jackie feels like she can do anything, that she could have anything she’s ever wanted.
Everything except Shauna, because Jackie knew that was impossible.
She shakes off these nerves as she finishes rinsing off her body wash. Even though she can’t have Shauna romantically, does not mean Jackie will let her awkwardness ruin their friendship.
Jackie wraps herself in her towel and glances at the clock on her nightstand as she steps back into her bedroom. It’s 6:20, perfect, she thinks, I’ve got forty minutes until Shauna gets here.
She sheds her towel and begins searching her closet for the perfect outfit to wear.
She hears the rumbling of Shauna’s engine as she smooths out her navy-blue floral dress. She walks over to her open window to watch Shauna walk up her long drive way.
“Perfect timing Shipman!” Jackie yells down at her.
She sees Shauna look down, shaking her head and fighting back a smile.
Jackie grabs her pink jacket off her bed and heads downstairs in a hurry, wanting to make sure she opens the door for Shauna rather than having her parents do it.
“Who’s at the door?” her mother asks her from the bottom of the stairs
“It’s Shauna! We’re going out with the team!” Jackie shouts back in response as she hops off the final step, “Don’t worry about the door, I’ve got it”
Her mother steps back as Jackie swings the front door open, “Hey, are you ready to go?” she asks Shauna, slightly out of breath
“Yep! Ready if you are!” Shauna smiles at her, “Have a good night Mrs. Taylor!”
“You too girls! Be on your best behaviour” her mother waves as she shuts the door behind them
Jackie finally takes a look at Shauna, admiring the red dress she tells her to wear every time they go to a party, “You’re finally wearing the boob dress!” Jackie grins as they keep making their way towards the car.
“Yeah, I figured I’d finally listen to you” Shauna responds in a quieter voice as she rubs the fabric of her dress between her fingers
This makes Jackie frown slightly, does Shauna think she’s trying to control her? Girls give fashion advice to their friends all the time, and Jackie doesn’t mean any real harm. But still, she can’t shake that defeated tone in Shauna’s voice out of her head.
“Well I think you look fantastic” Jackie deems this as the best response, and it works, she can tell by the slight smile on Shauna’s face as she opens her car door.
“So, how many people do you think will be there tonight?” Shauna questions as they turn out of Jackie’s street
“I mean, it's Jeff and Randy, I’m sure they’ve called the entire school” Shauna nods at this response and turns her gaze back towards the road.
They sit in a nice comfortable silence, enjoying whatever song is playing on the radio. When they’re just a couple minutes away from Randy’s place, Jackie decides to ruin the peace they’re in.
“Soo..” Jackie starts, “Jeff told me Randy has been thinking about asking you out. Would you be interested?” she looks over to read Shauna’s reaction to this
“Seriously Jackie?” Shauna presses, “Randy Walsh. You think I’d go out with Randy fucking Walsh”
Well that went great Jackie thinks as she bites the inside of her cheek.
It’s not like Jackie actually wants Shauna to go out with Randy, she just wants to know if he’s someone she could be interested in. Most of the guys in Wiskayok are just like Randy, so if Shauna isn’t interested in him, maybe she’s not interested in guys at all.
Jackie knows she shouldn’t get her hopes up, it’s not like her and Shauna could actually be together. Even if Shauna actually felt the same, which Jackie knows is impossible, a romantic relationship between the two of them would never be accepted by her parents, let alone the rest of Wiskayok.
“I just thought you’d be happy to know that someone was interested in you” Jackie mumbles
Now, Shauna looks even more insulted. Jackie has to fix this, “Hey, no. I didn’t mean it like that”
“Yeah Jackie, how else can you mean it?” Shauna shoots back, eyes not moving from the road
Jackie considers her next words carefully, she doesn’t want to further upset Shauna, “I just noticed you got all quiet when we were all talking about boyfriends and sex at the sleepover this weekend”
This wasn’t untrue, Shauna had completely shut herself out of the conversation as soon as Mari and Allie had started going on and on about the guys they had been with.
No one noticed Shauna’s sudden disinterest in the conversation, no one but Jackie of course. Jackie wondered if Shauna sensed the same awkwardness that Jackie herself was feeling, if they could both read each other's minds like that. It would definitely be romantic if they could.
Shauna lets out a breath, then she reaches over and takes Jackie’s hand, “Hey, I’m sorry, I know you didn’t mean anything bad”
Jackie smiles, maybe Shauna could read her mind, “You don’t need to apologize, I shouldn’t of said it like that, I should be the one apologizing”
They finally reach Randy’s house, Shauna puts the car in park and at last, she turns her head and looks into Jackie’s eyes, “Let’s just forget about all of that and enjoy this party”
Shauna’s right, so Jackie unbuckles her seatbelt, gets out of the car and makes her way to the driver's side. She opens Shauna’s door and extends her hand out, “Shall we?”
Shauna laughs, accepting her hand, “We shall”
Being celebrated feels good, a sense of pride threatens to burst out of Jackie’s chest as she sips her drink and looks around the room.
Wiskayok is not a big town, yet it feels like there's thousands of people celebrating what the team did today, what her team did today
The sound of La Bouche’s Be My Lover blares throughout Randy’s house as she makes her way towards the beer pong table, it’s a little tight, but no one wants to party outside when it’s April in New Jersey
When she finally makes it there, she hears the crowd surrounding the table let out a variety of cheers as Van and Natalie share a high-five, of course it's these two drawing a beer pong crowd, they’ve been undefeated since sophomore year.
“Come on!” Mari groans “That has to be cheating!” she looks around the crowd, trying to find support
Her protest falls on deaf ears, rightfully so, how does anyone cheat at beer pong? Clearly it doesn’t bother Mari that much, as she leans in to instruct Gen on how to throw their next ball.
They miss, ending the game in a loss, and Van wastes no time rubbing it in “Hey Mar? Was that us cheating or do you two just suck?” she mocks Mari’s earlier complaint
“Screw you Palmer” Mari tries, but is ignored by the celebrating pair
Jackie laughs at the immaturity of her teammates, then pushes herself into the crowd to celebrate with them
The celebration abruptly ends when a mature voice calls out for Natalie.
Jackie watches as her face tenses, she looks nervous, scared even as she mutters something to Van and quickly shoves her way out of the crowd.
“Unbelieveable” Taissa scoffs, “She argues that we should party and celebrate as a team. Yet as soon as the dickhead calls for her she goes running”
Fuck, dickhead can only mean one person. That creepy Bobby Farleigh that Nat’s been screwing around with the past couple months. The same dickhead she kept missing practices for.
Natalie could handle missing practices before Districts, she was a naturally gifted player, Jackie knew that. She just wasn’t totally confident that Natalie could be slacking off like that before Nationals.
Which is why she decides to follow Natalie out into the freezing front yard.
“Can’t you just leave me alone Bobby? I told you that whatever this was is over!” Natalie shouts as she tries to wrestle her wrist from Bobby’s grasp
Unfortunately for Natalie, her argument is completely ignored, as Bobby’s hold on her wrist becomes noticeably tighter “Baby, we’re done when I say we’re done” he practically spits in her face
Even though Jackie has only been standing there for around 30 seconds, she is deeply unsettled and eager to save her teammate from this disturbing encounter
“Hey! Let go of her!” Jackie shouts desperately, Bobby doesn’t make any effort to loosen his grip on Natalie
“This has nothing to do with you princess, why don’t you go see what your precious boyfriend is up to?” Bobby snarls back at her
“It has everything to do with me when you’re manhandling one of my best players” Jackie snaps back as she wraps her arms around herself
Bobby lets go of Natalie’s wrist, basically tossing it aside as he begins creeping his way towards Jackie
Fuck she thinks how the hell is she going to stop him from hitting her
As if someone has heard her silent prayers, the music from inside stops, Jackie seizes the opportunity and begins to scream for help. Bobby pays her screams no mind, as he continues to stalk toward her
She hears the front door open just as Natalie shouts Bobby’s name, “Leave her be Bobby, just go to your car, I’ll meet you there in a minute.”
When he turns away, Jackie lets out a strangled breath, the severity of her situation finally hitting her
She hears the rest of the team surrounding her and Natalie, she doesn’t see them because her gaze is too glued to the grass beneath her feet.
“I know you all think I’m a fuck up, but that doesn’t give any of you the right to interfer with my shit like that!” Natalie shouts, her voice mixed with both anger and shame
“Natalie” Jackie says softly, “I’m your captain, I’m supposed to look out for you”
Natalie rolls her eyes, “Yeah you’re supposed to look out for me on the ice” she pauses to look around at the rest of the girls “My personal life is not any of your concern. That goes for all of you.”
With that, she bolts into the opposite direction of where Bobby went, clearly trying to continue her avoidance of him
Taissa steps towards her, “Don’t let her shit ruin the rest of our night. Let’s get back inside and celebrate what we did today”
Jackie nods, still contemplating if she should follow after Natalie or not, she decides against it as she steps back inside. She makes a mental note to talk to Natalie after practice tomorrow, hoping her anger has subsided by then.
The rest of the party passes by in a blur, Jackie tries her best not to dwell on what happened with Natalie, the way she looked terrified when she got out there, and how she still looked terrified as she yelled and ran off.
Jackie tries not to think about it because if she does, she’ll regret not going after her. Because she knows that is what she should have done, it’s what any good captain would have done.
When Coach Bill named her captain at the start of the season he gave her a variety of reasons. He told her she was a good player, he made sure to remind her she wasn’t the best. But what reason stuck out the most to her was that she cared about each girl on the team. That it didn’t matter to Jackie if they weren’t best friends off the ice, she did everything in her power to show that she cared for those girls.
She wonders what Coach would think if she saw how she handled things with Natalie, would he agree with Jackie respecting her wishes, or would he be disappointed that Jackie didn’t go after her.
Thankfully, Jackie’s dwelling is interrupted by Shauna tapping her on her shoulder
“I think it's time we head out” Shauna says to her in a gentle voice, likely sensing Jackie’s distress
Jackie gives her a soft smile, “Yeah, we wouldn’t wanna skate lines for being tired tomorrow”
“You’re right” Shauna laughs and shakes her head, “We definitely do not”
She throws her arm around Jackie’s shoulder and begins to guide her out of Randy’s house
“Hey, what about Jeff?” Jackie asks as Shauna gets her in the car, realizing she hadn’t thought about her boyfriend all night
“He told me not to worry about him, that he’s just gonna stay over at Randy’s tonight” Shauna answers before she shuts the passenger door
Jackie feels satisfied enough with that answer, she’s sure Jeff just wants to stay and help Randy clean in the morning. What she is concerned about is Shauna driving, she wants to make sure that she’s sober enough for it
“Hey, are you sure you’re good to drive?” Jackie asks, making sure her voice sounds caring rather than controlling
Shauna looks over as she starts her car, “Yeah, don’t worry” she begins as she pulls out of the driveway “I had like a sip of some cheap beer, decided I didn’t really feel up to drinking tonight”
This at least settles some of Jackie's nerves, she listens as Shauna hums to herself, trying her best to stay awake for the whole drive.
“So what happened with Natalie?” Shauna’s voice wakes her up
“Hmm?” Jackie rubs her eyes, adjusting to being awake again after her brief nap
“I heard something happened with Natalie, I wasn’t there, but I figured you’d know about it”
Jackie realizes it probably makes sense that Shauna was concerned about Natalie, other than Van, Lottie, and Laura Lee, Shauna was the only girl on the team that Natalie would sort of consider a friend. That wasn’t to say that Natalie was rude, Jackie would describe her attitude as guarded, as opposed to the typical bitch label it usually got.
“Yeah, uh, that Bobby Farleigh guy showed up” Jackie starts telling the story, “She looked pretty scared, so I followed her outside”
Shauna nods at her, prompting her to continue, so Jackie does
“He was screaming at her, getting all in her face. He was holding onto her wrist pretty hard, so I yelled at him”
“Jackie, he's like 20, what were you thinking?” Shauna questions, her tone not angry, but expressing concern for her best friend's reckless decision
“I was thinking that some asshole was hurting Natalie and yelling at her!” Jackie defends herself “And it worked because he let her go”
Shauna looks confused “So if he let her go, then why did everyone end up outside?”
Jackie sits with the question for a moment, trying to figure out how to tell Shauna how the situation escalated, “Because he started yelling and coming towards me”
“Shit Jackie, really?” Shauna’s concern sounds even more noticeable now
“Yeah really” Jackie looks down at her hands, “I had to scream to get the attention of everyone inside, but Natalie managed to get him to calm down and go to his car”
Shauna stops the car, they’ve reached Jackie's house, she looks at her again but doesn’t say anything
“Once everyone came out Natalie was pissed” Jackie understands she was probably just embarrassed, but her anger was undeniable, “She told all of us to stay out of her business and ran off, she didn’t go with Bobby, but no one saw her again”
They sit there, neither of them moving, Jackie not really wanting to move.
Jackie breaks the silence “Hey, do you wanna just sleepover? We can grab your equipment tomorrow and go to practice together”
“Yeah sure, would your parents mind if I park in the driveway?” Shauna asks
“If you park in front of the first garage door, you’ll be alright, my moms home tomorrow”
Neither of them say anything else as Shauna parks her car in the driveway. They walk into the house in silence too, not wanting to wake Jackie's parents who are definitely asleep.
They stay quiet until Jackie shuts her bedroom door, “God, I’m exhausted” Shauna sighs
Jackie starts rummaging through her drawers, looking for pajamas to lend to Shauna, when she finds them, she walks over and hands them over, “Here, go change in the bathroom and then we can head to bed”
Shauna smiles at her, then she walks into the bathroom, shutting the door for privacy
The door however, does not fully close, Jackie notices as she grabs her own pajamas off her bed. When she looks up towards the bathroom, she catches a glimpse of Shauna’s bare back, which completely catches her off guard.
Jackie can’t understand why this is affecting her so much, this is definitely not the first time she’s seen Shauna changing. There’s just something different about this moment, it's so intimate, looking at her this way, right before they climb into bed together. Butterflies rush into Jackie’s stomach as she stays there, unmoving and completely enthralled in the back of her best friend.
She’s so captured by the moment that she doesn’t hear the light shut off or the sound of Shauna stepping back into her bedroom.
“Hey, you feeling alright” Shauna asks, worry taking over her face
Jackie shakes her head, snapping out of her haze, “Mhm, I’m good, I think it’s just whatever cheap booze Randy got” she responds, trying her best to explain herself
“Okay then, let’s get you to bed, you clearly need to sleep this off”
Jackie listens to her instructions and shrugs off her pink jacket, she finishes changing as Shauna gets under the covers.
Jackie turns off her lights and blindly makes her way over to her bed, crawling in next to Shauna, who has her back to her. Even though it's fully covered now, Jackie swears she can make out the tiny mole that lies in between her shoulder blades.
And that's how she falls asleep, in the darkness of her room, looking obsessively at that one spot on Shauna’s back.
Jackie has been laying still since she was woken by the sun seeping through her open curtains, like she hasn’t fully comprehended what lies ahead of her for the next few weeks.
She has to captain and prepare a team for a national tournament. Despite the fact that the national tournament had only existed for two years, Jackie felt underprepared. Like the other teams there would be miles ahead of them. Maybe they were, Wiskayok was easily the smallest town competing in the tournament, which meant when it came to picking a team, there were less girls to choose from. Jackie knows her team is good, but are they good enough to beat the big city teams which were probably full of stronger players.
She realizes she doesn’t want to think about this anymore, she can’t be admitting defeat before they’ve even started, she pushes herself up onto her elbow to read the time on her clock, 12:36 it reads. Fuck she thinks as she looks over at a still-sleeping Shauna, they have to be at practice by at least 2:15, which means they definitely need to get up.
“Shauna wake up” Jackie shakes her shoulder lightly, Shauna doesn’t budge, she shakes her shoulder a little harder
Shauna groans and presses her face into her pillow, “Come on Jackie, five more minutes” her voice is barely audible since her mouth is moving against a pillow.
“We already slept in too late” Jackie says as she swings her legs and hops off her bed, “Up and at ‘em Shipman!”
Somehow, Shauna lets at an even louder groan at this
The short amount of time they have to get ready moves by in a blur, it’s like Jackie blinked and all of a sudden they were loading her gear into the trunk of Shauna’s car.
The two of them arrive at the arena first, Jackie always makes it a point to be the first girl at practice, wanting to set an example of being early rather than just on time.
The rest of the girls roll in one by one, all sporting similar hungover and tired faces, well every girl except Laura Lee, who other than Shauna, was the only one who didn’t get wasted last night
“I hope you girls don’t make me regret letting you party, if we have to skate suicides today its on you!” Jackie announces once all of her teammates are in the room.
Wait, Jackie thinks as she looks at all the bags in the dressing room. When she counts them, she only gets fifteen. Someone isn’t here, when she reassesses the room, the answer is obvious.
Natalie, of course it's Natalie.
Jackie shouldn’t have let her leave yesterday, she should’ve made her come back to her place with Shauna. That way she could have made sure that she showed up to practice. Now she was gonna have to try and explain to Coach Bill as to why one of his starting wingers was missing yet another practice.
Jackie finished tying her skates, this was an after practice problem, and she’d deal with it when the time came.
Practice was uneventful, they mainly focused on the technical stuff like edgework and shooting. Coach Bill wanted to give their muscles a chance to recharge after the four-game weekend they had just had.
The arena worker hits the buzzer to end practice at exactly 3:50, exactly fifteen seconds later, Coach blows his whistle and sends the girls off the ice.
“Taylor! Wait out here for a second” he calls out to her right before the steps into the change room
She stops and turns to look at him “Need something Coach?” she asks even though she already knows the answer
“Yeah actually, I do” he starts, “Would you mind talking to Scatorccio at school tomorrow? Remind her there's a hockey team she committed to.”
Jackie doesn’t say anything, Coach keeps talking
“Tell her I don’t give a shit if she’s my leading goal-scorer, we can run eight forwards for nationals if she doesn’t start showing up to training” He clicks his tongue and looks away, “Just make sure she’s here for conditioning tomorrow, I’ll talk to her then.”
With that he walks off, leaving Jackie by herself in the hallway. Great, she thinks to herself, now not only would she have upset Nat last night at the party, she’ll have to upset her again by being the one to tell her she might get kicked off the team.
“Well”, Jackie says out loud, “Having a pissed Natalie play is better than having no Natalie at all”
With that, she turns and walks into the dressing room.