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Katsuki sighs into his pillow, alarm finally giving up blasting on his ears. No way in hell he's going to move; it's too cold for moving, and he's beyond tired.
It was already established that if the snowstorm that hit during the night went on until morning, classes would be cancelled and thank fucking god for that. Katsuki hates the cold. He still has beef with every snowman he's ever punched the carrot nose in.
He turns and pulls the blanket up, cocooning himself in its warmth. The sound of the snowstorm outside starts to lull him back to sleep.
He's between consciousness and a weirdly vivid dream about making jelly when he hears a knock.
His eyes open lazily, staring at the door.
Silence.
He sighs and turns but before he can even close his eyes again, he hears another knock.
What the hell, he growls, considering how long he could pretend not to be home.
If it was the hag, she would probably have kicked the door open by now.
His dad wouldn't come alone.
So, this leaves him with two options. He doesn't get many visitors.
First, it could be Shitty Hair. The fucker is always making up excuses to visit him, and of course Katsuki only pretends he falls for it because usually his visits involve him bringing the good stuff (questionably legal spices).
But he knows Kirishima hates the cold almost as much as he does, and yesterday at the bare mention of classes being cancelled he practically teared up about not having to wake up early.
So, it leaves him with one option.
Katsuki thinks for a moment.
Shit. No fucking way. Another loud knock and he groans, getting up but bringing the blanket with him, wrapped around his shoulders.
He opens the door. Izuku.
Of course it's Izuku.
Katsuki rolls his eyes.
"Y-You know what day is today?" Izuku says nervously.
"Hello to you too." Katsuki sighs, leaving the door open as he walks back to his bed.
Midoriya enters the room and closes the door behind him, still nervously fidgeting.
"Couldn't it wait til after lunch, at least?"
Izuku widens his eyes, as if he hadn't considered that.
"Sorry, Kacchan..." Izuku looks at him, finally keeping eye contact. "I thought you'd be cold, so I wanted to bring this as soon as possible."
Katsuki only now realizes he's holding something.
"What's that?"
Izuku smiles brightly as if he'd been waiting for the question. Katsuki forces himself not to roll his eyes again as he watches the other boy move excitedly towards his coffee table, unwrapping a bento box on top of it and displaying its contents in front of him.
"It's your favorite!" He says, "I even added that sauce you like."
Katsuki walks closer, still holding the blanket around himself, trying to keep the warmth that's quickly fading away.
He sniffs the air, the familiar smell of Izuku's cooking filling his nostrils and making his stomach growl. Well, yeah. He guesses he could eat.
He sits on the floor and grabs a spoon.
Izuku just stares.
"Well? Sit down. I'm not eating all of this by myself."
Izuku moves and sits across from him. He grabs the fork and serves himself.
Katsuki takes a bite.
It's so good. It's almost unfair.
He has no idea how Izuku managed to go from not knowing how to fry a single egg without turning it into some kind of fire hazard to cooking meals that - Katsuki would never admit out loud - tasted even better than the ones he made.
"Good?" Izuku looks at him, eyes even bigger, shining with expectation.
"Not bad." Katsuki allows himself to smile. "Thanks, nerd. Again."
Izuku smiles like he just watched him save the world again. Katsuki immediately looks away.
They eat in silence, the food warming them up from inside in a way that makes Katsuki sleepy all over again.
When he's done, he leans back on his bed and adjusts the blanket around himself, sighing happily at the sensation of comfort surrounding him.
He hears Izuku putting his fork down and looks at him.
He notices him fidgeting with the hem of his jacket, looking down.
"What's up with you?"
Katsuki's question startles him and he sits up straighter. Katsuki hates when he looks like this, almost like he's scared of him again.
"N-Nothing!" Izuku's voice comes out squeaky and he blushes at that. Katsuki could laugh if this wasn't threatening to disturb the rare peace he's feeling, so he squints his eyes.
"Spill." He rasps.
Izuku visibly swallows, then looks away.
"I just... This wasn't- This didn't count, right? Are you- I mean, are we still gonna-"
Katsuki groans, rolling his eyes, shutting Izuku up in the process.
"You're unbelievable. You can't even say it, and you're still insisting on this. Don't you think you should give up?"
Izuku closes his mouth, a determined look replacing the flustered one.
"Kacchan." He says. "This didn't count as our date, right? We're still having one."
Katsuki tries to disguise the way his heart races at the other's sudden boldness.
Damn. He'll never get used to this.
He has to look away as he mutters.
"Whatever, Izuku. It's up to you."
He crawls up the bed, lying down and closing his eyes.
"Okay! Good! I have something planned for tonight." Katsuki can practically hear the giddiness in his voice. "You're gonna love it!"
Katsuki doesn't bother replying, just keeps his eyes closed as he listens to Izuku's movement, putting away the bento box and cleaning up.
He remembers when it all started.
A stupidly adorable Izuku knocking on his door one night, unaware that his mutterings had already made his presence very clear.
Katsuki opened the door to find a boy blushing so hard he almost attempted to check his temperature, but the determination in his eyes made a chill run down Katsuki's spine, a sort of anticipation he had no idea where it was coming from.
That night Izuku confessed to him.
And damn if that didn't make Katsuki feel the floor giving in under him.
He didn't get it. Still doesn't.
Izuku is a good guy. The best, if you ask him (not that he'll ever answer that out loud, but still.)
He's strong and kind and so adorably dorky, and all that together with his cute face and fit body makes a pretty irresistible combination.
But apart from all of that, he's Izuku.
The boy who ran after him with grabby hands and a smile missing a lot of teeth, calling out his name like it was his favorite word.
The boy who spent years trying to prove himself and outdone it, even with Katsuki telling him he'd never be able to make his dream come true.
The boy who saved the world right by Katsuki's side.
Yeah, he's the best. Katsuki has been through a lot, and it changed him. He went from being the worst to just being kinda not that bad, and sure, that's better, but every step of the way Izuku was there, looking at him like he hangs the fucking moon on the sky every night, and he never deserved it.
Not when they were kids, certainly not when he bullied him.
Not now.
Not ever.
Which is why Katsuki couldn't look him in the eye when he said he didn't feel the same way.
They've been on good terms for a while, then, and Katsuki could barely wrap his head around the fact that Izuku wanted to be friends with him after everything.
"I just have to say it, Kacchan. I don't wanna keep this from you. It's a good thing, I think, I mean... I hope it is. It usually is. Unless-"
"Fucking hell, just say it, you're freaking me out."
"I'm in love with you."
And he forgot how to breathe.
It took him a few moments to get himself together, but he knew what he had to do.
"...Sorry, Izuku." He said. "I don't really see us that way."
He barely got it out and Izuku was already saying it was fine, he understood, he knew.
And Katsuki didn't look at him, not even when he heard the crack on his voice.
He stood there for a long time after Izuku left, feeling disconnected with reality.
He had done the right thing. He was sure of it. Even if it felt like breaking his own heart in the process.
The next day, however, a sleep-deprived Katsuki was trying to make a stronger coffee than the shitty extras left for him when he heard Izuku on his door again.
He looked determined then, too.
"One date a month, Kacchan. For a year. After that, I won't bother you if you don't feel the same."
Katsuki wanted to cry, his thoughts running miles.
He couldn't say no to the nerd twice, and how bad could it be if he said yes? So. He accepted it. Heard his rambling about the perfect day of each month and the plans he was already making all the way through.
After his first good night asleep in days, he finally realized how terribly this could go. But he couldn't go back on his word.
Which brings them here.
Izuku has made himself at home, turning on the TV and crawling to sit down next to Katsuki's bed on the floor.
"I didn't agree to spend the day with you, nerd. If we're only going out at night, then what the fuck are you still here for? " Katsuki groans.
Izuku groans next to him.
"Kacchan, don't be mean!" The other pouts.
Katsuki bites back a laugh, opening his eyes.
"Have you met me?"
Izuku furrows his eyebrows.
"You're not as mean as you try to seem, you know."
Katsuki rolls his eyes, too tired to argue.
"It's just- It's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it? But I know you're going to the agency and Endeavor-san will probably have you on a mission, so-"
Katsuki interrupts him.
"You know I don't really give a shit about birthdays."
Izuku gasps.
"Well, I do! Especially Kacchan's. We should celebrate."
Katsuki sighs, defeated.
"Alright. Whatever." He sighs. "Is this part of the celebration, then?"
"...Maybe?" Izuku blushes, "But not a date!"
"Relax, nerd. I got that part."
Izuku actually looks relieved. Katsuki looks away.
"Okay. But just today, then. No going to the agency to pick me up tomorrow or anything like that."
It happened before.
Izuku looks at him for a moment, mouth opening and closing.
"Okay." Izuku's voice is small.
Katsuki's big mouth managed to make him upset again.
He should apologize.
"Stop pouting! Are you a baby?" Is what comes out.
Izuku shakes his head.
"No. Sorry." He takes a breath, "Just today, Kacchan. I promise."
Katsuki hums.
They fall into an easy silence afterwards, Katsuki's eyes starting to droop closed again. Izuku hasn't moved from the floor, probably paying attention to the movie on TV, and even though Katsuki has been trying to watch it, he has no idea what it's about. His mind keeps buzzing with thoughts he can't stop.
Tonight is going to be their ninth date.
Just three more after that, and he can tell Izuku nothing changed, and the boy will keep his promise and leave him alone.
The thought makes something ache deep in his chest, but he doesn't give it any room to exist, refusing to acknowledge it.
Izuku deserves to be happy.
I could make him happy.
He shakes his head, trying to send the thought away.
Izuku should be with someone good.
I could be good for him.
He groans, closing his eyes. No point in trying to fight his own thoughts now. He just has to be careful not to let them convince him.
"Is it really that bad to you?"
Izuku asks, almost mumbles, and Katsuki's eyes snap open. Izuku is looking away at the floor. The sadness in his expression is just too much for him to bear.
"No." His mouth betrays him.
Izuku turns to him, eyes wide with expectation.
Fuck.
"I mean," Katsuki clears his throat, "It's nice spending time with you."
He feels the need to clear his throat again, a lump tightening it up.
"I'm glad we're friends again, Izuku." He breathes out.
And it's true. He is.
Izuku doesn't have to know how much he wishes they could be more.
Katsuki doesn't deserve more.
A smile forms on Izuku's lips, not reaching his eyes.
"Yeah." He looks away. "Me too, Kacchan"
Katsuki sighs and turns on his side, looking at the window. The snowstorm seems to be worse now.
He closes his eyes to sleep, putting away all the insisting thoughts for later. He knows they'll come back.
He falls asleep listening to Izuku's little reactions as he watches the rest of the movie. His surprised gasps, his mumbling, his giggles.
He feels impossibly warm, having to kick his blanket away.
|||
When Bakugou wakes up a few hours later, Izuku is gone, having left behind a note on top of the coffee table.
"Be ready by 8! I'll pick you up. :)"
Katsuki rolls his eyes. If he folds the paper and carefully puts it inside his bedside table's drawer it's nobody's problem.
The snowstorm seems to be long over but it's still freezing.
It's always infuriating how little Izuku tells him. He never knows what to wear, how much money to bring. He swears the nerd does it on purpose just to get on his nerves.
He settles for some black pants and a red button-up shirt, black boots to match and a trenchcoat with fake fur around the hoodie. He looks ridiculous, but at least he's warm.
Izuku arrives at 8 PM sharp.
Katsuki gets in the car mumbling a hello and slams the door shut. Izuku doesn't flinch.
Katsuki looks at him.
Izuku is watching him with a devotion that certainly isn't fit for the scowl he's wearing himself, so he tries to give him a smile.
After around ten seconds with no sign Izuku is going to look away, Katsuki gives up.
"Are we going or not?"
His voice startles Izuku and he snaps his head back to the front window, starting the car.
"Y-Yeah! Sorry! You just-" Izuku shakes his head. "You look cute."
Katsuki glares at him.
"Shut the fuck up." He growls.
Izuku has the audacity to laugh.
Katsuki likes the way he does it with his whole face, like the sound comes straight from his heart. His smile is beaming blindingly, and Katsuki is thankful that he's keeping his eyes on the road.
"I'm not cute." He mumbles, looking away. Look who's talking.
Izuku eventually stops laughing and a comfortable silence settles.
Around twenty minutes later they're still in the car, but the snowstorm started again out of nowhere, and it seems to be worse than before. Katsuki is trying to read the damn map Izuku handed him, but they can't see shit in front of them.
Izuku's phone beeps.
"It's an alert for bad weather." He says, "Yes, we can see that!"
Katsuki realizes Izuku's voice is starting to sound high pitched and shaky, which tells him he's about ten seconds from freaking out.
Katsuki sighs, squinting his eyes at a light he spots down the road.
"Hey, let's pull over. I think I can see a hotel."
"Huh? Where?"
Katsuki points and Izuku does as he's told.
"We should stay put until the snowstorm stops." Katsuki says, "It's not safe to keep going, we might get stuck on the road."
Izuku opens his mouth to argue, but changes his mind.
"Alright. Do you think they have a room?"
They get out of the car and Izuku follows Katsuki inside the small hotel.
"Where are we anyway? I think this is pretty far from the dorms."
"Yeah..." Izuku scratches his head. “We were heading across town.”
A short, red-haired woman that looks between 30 and 45 interrupts them as they approach the front desk.
"Hello, boys! How may I help you?"
"Do you have any rooms available?" Katsuki asks, clenching his jaw to stop his teeth from chattering. Why is it so damn cold?
"We have two rooms left, one of them with two singles and the other with a king-sized bed."
Katsuki looks at Izuku to find the other blushing nervously.
"L-Let's take both-"
"Oh, sorry, boys! It seems like the room with two singles is already booked, the guest just hasn't arrived yet." The redhead says, "Only the room with the king-sized bed is left."
"We'll take it." Katsuki says without thinking, worrying his fingers might freeze off.
"W-Wait, Kacchan! Are you sure?" Izuku grabs the hem of his sleeve.
Katsuki looks at him.
"Don't worry, nerd. I can sleep on the floor." And just the thought makes his body shiver with cold, but ain't no way he'll let Izuku sleep anywhere less than a bed, and even less way they're sharing one.
Izuku's expression falls and he looks away.
Katsuki takes the keys and walks to the stairs. Izuku stays silent next to him.
They enter the room. It's big enough to fit the bed and a small freezer on the corner, pale wallpapers that were supposed to give a feeling relaxation only making Katsuki feel even more on edge.
Izuku sits down on the bed.
"I'll turn the heat on." Katsuki says. "Maybe we can get some room service? I could eat."
Izuku nods quietly.
Katsuki watches him for a moment.
"Alright." He sits down next to him. "What's going on in that head of yours? You're being too quiet."
"N-Nothing..." Izuku doesn't meet his eyes.
Katsuki knows the reason. He just hopes Izuku will lie to him and say literally anything else. He doesn't want to pretend like this doesn't affect him, it's too hard and he's too tired, but if Izuku does his part then he can try, too.
That's why he doesn't push. He just stands up, messes with Izuku's mop of curls and turns around to order them some food.
"Bet you're like this cause you're hungry." He says.
Katsuki is halfway into his order when suddenly everything goes dark.
"Fuck!" He says.
"Kacchan?"
"I'm here."
Katsuki opens his palm and lets out small sparkles, just enough to light his way back to bed and grab his phone to turn the flashlight on.
"What's happening?" Izuku asks.
"Probably the cables freezing over."
He sighs, noticing the room getting colder immediately, now with no heater to help.
All things considered, this could be worse. They could still be inside the car, lost in god knows where. This sucks but at least they're safe.
He looks at Izuku. His wide eyes are scanning the room, probably wondering if there’s anyway he can fix this.
Katsuki feels the urge to pull him in and hold him until the cold goes away, keeping him close and safe and warm. He swallows dry.
"We should get some sleep." He says, not trusting himself to say anything else.
Izuku looks at him. None of them turns away for a minute, and Katsuki wonders how he can feel so warm and so cold at the same time.
"Yeah." Izuku's voice still doesn't sound right, and Katsuki still refuses to acknowledge it.
He grabs a pillow and places it on the floor next to the bed, hoping his coat is big enough to serve as a blanket.
He feels Izuku's eyes on him as he lies down, but he turns his back to him, hoping this tension will disappear as long as he doesn’t engage.
"Get some rest." He says.
Fuck, it's cold. Now he officially can't feel his fingers.
After some time, he hears Izuku crawling to the center of the bed and lying down. His eyes still burn on Katsuki's back.
Katsuki is trying to hide himself entirely under the coat and is failing miserably. He can hear his own teeth chattering.
"Do you hate it that much?" Izuku's voice is so small Katsuki almost misses it.
"Huh?"
"Do you hate it? Going out with me. Me being i-in love with you." Izuku’s voice is shaky, and Katsuki can tell he’s trying to stop himself from crying. The words catch him off guard.
"God damnit, Izuku. Don't say shit like this so easily." Katsuki can feel his entire body flush. "Where did that even come from?"
I don't hate it, idiot. I like it too much. I shouldn't like it so much.
"You rather freeze to death on the floor than sleeping in the same bed with me. You must hate it."
He hears sniffling coming from the bed and groans.
“That’s not true.” He says, cause it isn’t! It isn’t! But how can he explain that to him without revealing too much? “Just… Let’s sleep, okay? We’re both tired. We can talk tomorrow.”
He hears him moving, probably sitting up.
“Today was gonna be good. It was supposed to be the best. It’s your birthday tomorrow and it's the ninth date, you know?”
Of course he knows.
“Already, huh?” He sighs.
It’s silent for a moment.
“I’m sorry, Kacchan.”
Fuck. He’s crying.
“Izuku…”
“No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started this, you made it clear the first time I told you. I just… Don’t know when to give up. I never know. Especially when it comes to you, I guess.”
Katsuki sits up, finally looking at him.
He’s fidgeting with the blanket.
“I guess I thought that if I could make you see how good we could be together, I’d somehow convince you to give me a chance.” Izuku lets out a weak laugh. “It was a stupid idea. I see that now.”
Katsuki’s fingers start to feel numb for an entirely different reason. He wants to reach out to Izuku, tell him he’s wrong, it was never like that.
But then again, this is Izuku about to give up on him. Isn’t that what he wanted?
Why does he keep feeling this sting deep inside his chest?
“I guess I just didn’t wanna let go of this feeling. Of you.” Izuku wipes his own tears.
Katsuki takes a deep breath, not giving himself time to think. He crawls up the bed and kneels next to Izuku, takes one of his hands on his own.
“Do you really want to? Let me go.” He doesn’t recognize his own voice.
Izuku cries harder, shaking his head.
“I- I don’t know how to.”
Katsuki uses his free hand to hold Izuku’s cheek, wiping his tears with his thumb.
“You should.” Katsuki says, letting his heart out of its cage for the first time in so long. “This isn’t good for you.”
Izuku looks at him, searching for something in his eyes. Katsuki shivers, not just from the cold.
“Don’t say that.” Izuku says. “Kacchan is good. You- You make me better.”
“Fuck, Izuku. Don’t say that.” Katsuki closes his eyes, swallowing dry. “If anything, I make you worse. You’d be better off without me.”
This time, Izuku is the one to reach for his hand. He squeezes it, looking at him teary-eyed but dead serious.
“Stop.” He says, “I understand if you don’t want me. I even get it if you don’t wanna be friends with me anymore after all this.”
Izuku stops for a moment, takes a deep breath, like it hurts to let the words out.
“But don’t say I’d be better off. You’re… You’re my north, Kacchan. I spent all my life running after you. I wouldn’t know where to go if I’d lost sight of you.”
Katsuki’s heart sets into a rhythm that cannot be healthy.
This is insane. He was strong enough so far, he made it through eight dates, fought for his life not to give in and just grab Izuku and kiss him stupid. He’s not about to let it all go to waste now.
Is he?
“I don’t know who I am if you’re not looking.” He confesses, “I’m probably not anything at all.”
Why be anything, if Izuku isn’t there to see him? Cheer for him? Smile at him like he’s the fucking Sun?
“Kacchan.” Izuku breathes out, “You’re everything.”
Katsuki looks into his eyes, the two shiny emerald orbs as familiar as his own reflection in the mirror, and he sees so much. He sees everything he’s been denying himself. He sees Izuku’s devotion, all there for him and no one else.
“I’m not.” He says, “Fuck, I’m not.”
He closes his eyes, trying to calm himself down.
“Kacchan.” Izuku’s thumb caresses his hand and Katsuki shivers at the touch. “I- I’m sorry, sorry I almost ruined this. It took us so long to get here. You’re my best friend, you know? You’re a lot more than that, but still, I- I don’t want you to think I don’t cherish what we have, I do, even though I don’t have you the way I wanted-”
“Nerd. You’re rambling again.” Katsuki opens his eyes, an easy smile on his lips.
Yeah, this is it. If he keeps this to himself any longer his heart will surely burst into pieces beyond repair.
“S-Sorry.” Izuku says, looking down.
“You’ve had me from the start, you damn idiot.” Katsuki says.
Izuku widens his eyes at him.
“K-Kacchan?”
Katsuki lets out a laugh.
“I tried so fucking hard.” He says, “But I should have known it was hopeless from the beginning. You had me even before you said you wanted me. I was always fucking yours. You have to know that.”
Izuku blinks at him.
“A-Are you- Does that mean-”
“Yes, Izuku. I’m hopelessly in love with you, so fucking much it makes me feel sick every time you’re near and I can’t touch you like I want to. I love you so damn much it feels like my chest is trying to grow a whole other heart.”
Izuku’s eyes start to water.
“Then- Then why did you say you don’t feel the same?”
“Cause it was the right thing.” Katsuki says, “I don’t deserve you. I never will.”
Izuku’s expression turns into determined anger again, but Katsuki interrupts him before he can speak.
“I don’t. But I will keep trying for as long as I live, if you let me. I’ll be good. I’ll be the best fucking man there is, I’ll do anything.” He leans in, forehead touching Izuku’s, “I’m yours, Izuku.”
Izuku looks at him and his eyes are shining from more than just the tears. Katsuki marvels at how he can count his freckles from this close and it almost makes him cry, he’s dreamed of this so many times it doesn’t feel real. Izuku’s right here. He’s letting himself have him close. He feels fucking euphoric.
“Kacchan.” Izuku smiles, reaching for his face. “I’m yours too. Always have been. I hate you for making this decision for the both of us, but I love you more for finally letting me know how you feel.”
“Tsc. Cheesy nerd.” Katsuki feels himself blushing. He looks down.
“I mean it.” Izuku’s breath is warm against his skin. He smiles to himself. “Look at me?”
Katsuki looks up slowly.
He’s trapped the moment their eyes meet.
Both of them move at the same time and finally, finally, he feels Izuku’s lips on his own.
The kiss starts slow, Katsuki’s eyes closed as his hands find their way to Izuku’s neck, pulling him closer. He feels his tongue on his lips and gives room for him to deepen the kiss.
“Is this really happening?” Izuku says between kisses, probably more to himself.
“Yeah.” Katsuki smiles against his lips. “Fucking finally.”
He loses himself in Izuku’s taste, salty from the tears and sweet from the iced tea he had hours before. They kiss slowly but desperately, knowing they have all the time in the world but not forgetting how much of that time they’ve wasted.
The energy comes back on at some point in the next hour, but they barely notice, eyes never leaving each other. When Katsuki lies Izuku down he just lets him, accepting every kiss, every touch and every praise he never thought he’d get to hear, tears escaping him, Katsuki’s touch burning across his skin.
Katsuki has no idea how he resisted for so long but now he can’t imagine letting go of this. For some reason Izuku chose him. He’ll never understand it, but he’s not going to deny it ever again.
He’s just glad he doesn’t have to keep count of how many dates they have left anymore.
Maybe ninth time’s the charm. For them, anyway.
When the clock hits midnight Izuku’s alarm wakes him up and Katsuki is about to wonder why the hell he set it for this hour but Izuku throws himself in his arms, making the words die on his tongue.
“Happy birthday, Kacchan!” The other squeals. “Sorry we didn’t get to celebrate like I planned it.
Katsuki smiles, squeezing Izuku in his arms, breathing him in.
“It’s alright, nerd.” He says, “It’s already the best fucking birthday ever.”
He feels Izuku smiling against his chest and it’s his new favorite feeling.
Eventually he falls asleep in his arms. Katsuki stays up all night, counting the freckles on his cheeks, thinking now it’s his turn to make plans for both of them. He’ll be the best boyfriend ever.
For Izuku.
END.