Chapter Text
After Kirk had gone over the files Khan gave him, he felt as if everything as he knew it was gone. Jim wasn't naive. He knew there was evil and greed in the world, he knew there was barbarism in the hearts of men. But he thought Starfleet held honor above all else. Wrong. Marcus, and whoever he had plotted with, had no qualms about sending the Enterprise and its crew on a suicide mission if it served their ambitions and pocketbooks. They had threatened a man with his loved ones' death, to make him create tools of destruction. They totally underestimated Khan. It had backfired tragically.
And he... He had been so easily maneuvered. His eagerness for revenge, spurred by Pike's death, had blinded him to Marcus's machinations. The Fleet Admiral was too eager to give him back his command and send him, half-cocked, on a mission of questionable ethics, with equally questionable weapons. It all seemed so obvious now. He had endangered his crew, he had as good as killed them.
Reading about Khan had also been an eye opener. The man had not asked to be this way, he had been created by unscrupulous, misguided scientists. Of course, there had been the Eugenic Wars, but Khan ruled for 4 years, over a quarter of Earth, without massacres. He entered the Wars only after he was attacked. In a way, he was the best of tyrants. Jim wondered how he himself might have turned out if he had Khan's abilities. Would he have been a slave to his ambitions, or would he have used restraint? Shit, he knew he would have gone on a historical rampage.
Even though Kirk didn’t agree with everything Khan had done, especially as one John Harrison, he could not help admiring him all the same. Spock would have pointed out to him it was totally illogical to do so. Spock... Uhura... Dead on Kronos, killed by Klingons. He should have died instead . He should have died with them. But Khan had saved him.
**
Khan showed up at Jim's new quarters' door as asked. He came bearing a gift. As Khan stepped in, Jim saw the bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand and immediately took it from him.
“Clever way to keep me from punching you in the face.”
“I knew you'd like it.”
“How?”
“You file is quite thorough”
Kirk frowned. “How thorough?”
“Very.” Khan smirked.
If something as trivial as his favorite drink was in it, then what else was in there? Jim wondered. Violating the Prime Directive? For sure. Cheating the Kobayashi Maru test? No doubt. Every misdemeanor, every bar brawl, every speeding ticket, every career move? Every girlfriend or lover? Maybe that was why Khan was smirking. It was, after all, quite a list.
Kirk got glasses from a shelf, poured two drinks. He grabbed one and gestured for Khan to pick up the other one.
“To your crew. Joaquin, Otto, Kati and the others.”
Khan was taken aback, touched. He nodded and raised his glass. “To yours. Spock, Uhura, McCoy, Sulu...all of them.”
Clink. They drained their glasses. Kirk grinned widely and licked his lips in delight. “Ah...That's the stuff.” Jim tried to refill the superman’s glass, but Khan put his hand over it, blocking the way.
“What? Not good enough for you?”
“It'd be a waste. My body metabolizes ethanol at an increased rate. I would have to consume ridiculous amounts in a short time to get inebriated.”
Kirk raised an eyebrow.“So...You've never been drunk? Or hungover?” Khan shrugged and shook his head.
“Now, that's just plain weird.” Kirk poured himself another drink. “More for me.” He drank all of it in one go. “Have a seat.” They both sat on the large bed behind them, a few feet away from each other.
“You obviously read the files. What conclusions have you drawn, captain?”
“First of all, stop calling me 'captain'. It's a Starfleet title and Starfleet can kiss my ass. Anyway, a captain is nothing without a ship and crew...So, please, stop.” Khan nodded. Good start, he thought.
The next hour was spent discussing strategy. Khan found that Kirk was asking all the right questions, and Kirk found that Khan had all the right answers. They both found that Kirk was getting rather drunk. That's when Jim switched gears.
“Khan, your file mentions your 'almost electric magnetism.' They don't really explain it. What are they talking about?”
“Don't you feel it?”
“I..Yes. I have felt it. What is it?”
“Tall, dark hair, blue eyes, fit body.”
Jim slid a bit closer to better look at Khan's face, his hair, his eyes, then the rest of his body, down to his feet. “Yeah, but there's gotta be more to it,” he finally said.
“I'm smart too. And funny.” Khan kept a straight face.
“I'm serious. I'm not...I never...” Jim took another sip of the spirit. “I never thought about being with a man.”
“I'm not just a man. I am better.”
“At what?”
“Everything.”
Jim swallowed hard. He looked at his glass, but it was empty. He refilled it. He had already made up his mind he would help Khan, unless he detected his intentions were false. He had also decided not to succumb again to that mysterious “magnetism” of his. God knows, he really, really tried. But now, Khan looked so handsome, so regal. Was it the whiskey? Fuck the whiskey. No, he could handle that any day. He put his glass down anyway.
He looked at Khan's serious face, his perfectly straight, commanding posture, with both hands on his knees. What was it about him that was so alluring? Jim got a few inches closer. Khan looked away. Jim reached out and set his hand on top of Khan's on his right knee. Khan didn't react at all. Jim put his other hand on his shoulder. He could feel the muscles underneath the shirt, firm and taut. He wished he could see through the cloth. He let go of the shoulder. The hair. He had never touched it before. He raised a hand, slightly trembling, and ran his fingers through the superman’s dark hair. So soft, Jim thought. He did it again, then rested his hand on the nape of Khan's neck, his fingertips still caressing the short hair there.
He moved his hand up on Khan's arm, over the wrist and the forearm, until he reached the bicep. Was he feeling up a man's muscles for no reason other than he wanted to? Yes. Yes he was. He squeezed. Nothing but sheer solidity. And Khan wasn't even flexing. He moved his other hand off Khan's neck, down his spine, feeling the bump of every vertebra as he went, until he reached the small of his back, where the shirt ended. Where skin could easily be reached for. He picked up the bottom of the shirt, lifted it until he saw what he was looking for.
“Khan. Can I...Will you let me see. Please.” Jim asked, thinking he shouldn't push his luck. Khan still wasn't looking at him, but he nodded once. Jim pulled the shirt up some more. Khan raised both arms up, an invitation to remove the garment. Jim understood. He grasped the shirt with both hands and slowly lifted it over Khan's head. It ruffled his hair in passing, and Jim instantly got up and reached to smooth it back into place.
Jim sat back down and just stood there a while, looking. Khan still wasn't really showing any reaction, but he obviously didn't disapprove. Jim pushed himself back on the bed, until he was a bit behind Khan so he could look at the unblemished pale expanse of his back. The superman was so lean, Jim could practically see and name every muscle. Not one scar or scratch on him.
“Do you feel pain?” Jim said, curious.
“Of course. But the healing process cuts it short. Pain is very temporary. Like a drop of water falling into a lake.” Khan paused. “Except...”
“What?”
“When the Wars came, a traitor shot me 4 times in the back. They still used lead bullets back then. My tissues healed around them. Then my body spent the next 8 hours expelling the bullets, millimeter by millimeter, wounding me as I healed again. It was very distressing.” Jim imagined the pain had been crippling, but Khan made it sound like it had been an unpleasant walk in the park. Admiration swell in his heart.
Jim finally reached for the skin in front of him. As soon as his fingertips entered in contact with it, Khan turned towards him, his eyes still avoiding him. Jim was startled, he pulled his hand back.
“It's chemistry.” Khan said.
“What?” Jim wasn't following.
“This 'magnetism', it's all chemicals. Enhanced pheromones.”
Jim thought for a moment. “Can you control it? Does it just happen, no matter what?”
“It's always there, sort of in the background. But I can control it to a degree, depending on my attraction for the other person. The more stimulating I find the person, the stronger the effect.”
“Do you find me...stimulating?”
“Very much so.” Khan finally turned his face to Jim. Kirk looked straight into his blue eyes and he could have sworn he saw his pupils grow larger in the irises. The look in Khan's eyes had turned predatory. Jim shivered as he felt a wave of heat that seemed to be coming straight out of Khan's skin. Ah, the smell of him, strangely familiar now, promising of delights never tasted before. Yes. He wanted this.
Jim fell to his knees like it was the most natural thing in the world. Khan looked down at him, a rare small smile illuminating his handsome face.
“Not today, Jim. Let me give you a peace offering.”
Jim frowned “But I want...” And Jim realized what he wanted didn't matter. He smiled back at Khan and, with incredible relief, said, “Whatever you want.”